Chapter Eighteen

"Big fight?" Alice asked Bella sympathetically as soon as Bella sat down in class next to her.

"Yea, I guess," Bella grumbled as she took out her school supplies for the class, still upset from yesterday. Rosalie hadn't texted her or called her at all, which only made Bella more upset.

"What was it about?"

"About being a vampire."

Alice's brows go up and she checks to make sure no is listening, before leaning in to continue in a lower tone of voice. "Let me guess, you said you wanted to be one, and she said no?"

"Yea. I feel like she's just trying to control me. Like Edward did. She even thinks she's a monster. Just like Edward!" This is a sore point for Bella, one she doesn't like to dwell on.

Alice put a hand on Bella's clenched one. "Rosalie and Edward share...some similarities," Alice phrased carefully. "But she's not like him. She respects you and your decisions."

"Doesn't feel like it," Bella snorted.

Alice looked like she was withholding something, something crucial given the way she squirmed in her seat. "Look...she's got some bad history. A reason for why she says this. Talk to her, let her explain. She's not doing this just because."

"Then why?" Bella's brow furrowed. "I thought she was my mate. I thought she'd want to be with me for eternity?"

"She does. But if she had to do it on her terms, she'd rather you both be human."

This peaks Bella's attention. Human? Rosalie wants to be human? Bella had never thought that given the option of immortality and beauty, that one would choose humanity.

When lunch comes, Bella marches right over to the Cullens table and demands an audience with Rosalie. "I need to talk to you."

At first Rosalie looks like she'll argue this, before Alice's soft touch on her elbow makes her shake herself and get up. "Fine," she says gruffly, not looking at Bella. Bella leads the way outside, where they sit on some table benches and try not to let the gloomy overcast weather of Forks bring them down even more.

"You wanted to talk?" Rosalie asks as they sit on the table, her hands in her pockets, looking out at the parking lot as if it was the most interesting thing in the world now.

They don't look at each other. Bella's never been good with fights. She hates them, but she wants everything to be okay with her and Rosalie once more. She takes in a deep breath and lets it out. "Tell me."

"Tell you what?" Rosalie responds as soon as the last syllable leaves Bella's mouth.

"About why you're so against me being a vampire."

She can hear the creak of wood as Rosalie shifts uncomfortably. "It's not something I wanted you to hear."

"Why not?"

"It's unpleasant," is the short bark.

"Rosalie, we're mates. I need to get to know you. I can't stand not knowing you, even the less than pleasant parts of your past."

"Did you want to know I killed, Bella. Is that it?" Rosalie spits nastily, almost like she's seeking to push Bella away. To hurt her.

Bella winces at her words but she knows the vampires all have had checkered pasts. This is nothing new and yet everything new at the same time. Bella never expected Rosalie to have done such a thing. She always seemed too refined, too detached for such things.

"I'm sure you had a reason," Bella mumbles out.

Rosalie snorts. "I did, but it doesn't make it okay."

"So tell me," Bella insists, more gently this time.

"I..." Rosalie starts, gives up. They sit in tense silence for a few minutes, the lunch period ticking away as gray clouds roll overhead. "I...was assaulted," she says, voice cracking slightly. Her words are careful, trying to not paint too brutal of an image. "And Carlisle found me like that, in ruins, left to die by my would be husband."

Bella stifles the gasp of horror that wants to leave her throat.

"I didn't want to be changed. I really didn't, because I had wanted to be human, to have a happy marriage, a home with kids. I didn't have any grand goals. But he changed me and he took away my chance to ever have children, to ever live a human life.

"But what I did do was hunt down my fiance and his friends and kill them for what they had done, for the pain they caused me, for the future they robbed me of," her voice has gotten lower. A cool breeze runs around them, making Bella shiver. She tries to do it without Rosalie's notice and succeeds because the vampire is deep in her own tortured mind. "I felt powerful in that moment. Loved seeing the fear on their faces as I butchered them. I didn't even drink their blood despite being a newborn. And after all that, I found I had no purpose anymore. I felt hollow, aching. Carlisle took me into the coven to give me a new home but I never felt like I fit in.

"Edward was there, and he and I never got along enough to be mates like Carlisle wanted us to be, though we agreed on one thing: that we were monsters. I had never asked to be one and I desperately wanted to be human again. But I could no longer. Eventually my wallowing in depression disappeared when Esme and Carlisle loved and cared for me and I saw that perhaps there were some things that I didn't have as a human that I did as a vampire. Such as a loving family. Immense power. Immortal beauty, which made a very vain me happy as I had wanted to be the prettiest woman alive when I was human. Though the effect of it later dropped away."

Rosalie sighed, taking in a breath she did not need. "Then Emmett came and he offered me some spark of life in my endless and monotonous existence, just barely teetering on being here. I had contemplated killing myself many times before but always something stopped me. The feeling that it wasn't yet time. And I figured maybe it was because of Emmett or my family. That I didn't want to break their hearts. But maybe it was my mate bond, waiting until you came into my life. And you did and I was...so happy." Bella looks at Rosalie at this, their eyes meeting. Rosalie's orbs are shiny, as if she could cry but she can't. "Which is why it breaks my heart you want to be a vampire. It's not something to be made on a whim. You can't eat food, you have to drink blood. If you don't you go into bloodlust and can kill a loved one, even if you don't mean it. You can't sleep, plagued by your thoughts constantly. You're beautiful but a killer, and you can't even enjoy the sun. You have to spend your whole life being careful of both humans and the Volturi. I don't want that for you. I don't want you to suffer. Because the process of being one is painful, but not as much as living an endless, never ceasing existence that gets harder and harder to maintain."

Bella's insides feel scooped out. Her heart is aching. She'd never thought Rosalie would feel this way. She often seems confident, in control. Bella never thought Rosalie would have regretted this existence, that she would want to end herself. It's a fear Bella feels that might come true if their mate bond ever ends, and she won't stand for it, no matter what Rosalie has to say about.

Bella takes Rosalie's hands in her own. They're shaking. "I know Rosalie. And I hear you. But...but what other choice do I have? I don't want you to lose me and kill yourself over the mate bond, and the Volturi demand we have to make a choice about my person anyways."

"We can run away. I already told you," Rosalie said resolutely.

"You would be willing to do that? To leave your family for me?"

"I-"

"And I would be human. I wouldn't be able to offer much help. My father would look for me. So would my friends."

"But at least you would be human. And I would find a way to manage for you. I would," Rosalie swore.

Bella shook her head. "Rosalie...you wanted badly to be human. But I don't feel the same way."

Rosalie's golden eyes widen but Bella continues on before Rosalie can pull away. "I've...I don't want to get old, Rosalie. I don't."

"Bella, that is the beauty of being human. You get old with the people you love."

"But you won't get old, so what's the point," Bella said, offering a watery smile.

Pain laces through Rosalie's features. "Bella...I..." she looks stumped for words. Bella fills in the gaps for her. "It was why I was so attracted to Edward, to your family. Because you were all glamorous and immortal. I wanted that. I'm tired of being weak and fragile. I'm not afraid to be a vampire. At first I had my doubts, but the more I think about it, I'm ready for a new life. And nothing you say can change my mind. I know the risks, I know the costs, and I know what I'm signing up for."

Rosalie sucked in a harsh breath. "You don't know what you're asking for."

"I do," Bella softly assured. "I'm asking for a chance to be something more."

Rosalie pulled her hands free from Bella's and turned to look out at the parking lot once more, her expression conflicted. "Bella, I'm not happy with this. And I won't ever approve of your idea."

"I'm not asking you to. This is my choice."

Rosalie's eyes close briefly. "I won't take the choice away. But the family will have to vote on it."

"On my becoming a vampire?" Bella asked.

"Yes. It's a big decision, and it affects not only you but us as well. If they all vote yes, then you turn. If they vote no, then you don't turn and we try to find a way to deceive the Volturi."

Bella hadn't expected that. But she supposed nothing in life would be easy. Making the choice to be a vampire wasn't easy either. Bella would miss Charlie and her friends at school. But the call of the mate bond was too strong and she really didn't want to give up on this new family she had found. Didn't want to give up on the chance she had to be someone better than who she was.

"Will you turn me?" Bella asked.

Rosalie jolted at this suggestion. She almost looked like a startled deer. "Bella! I-" she cut herself off, chewing on her bottom lip as she thought this over. "If...Carlisle is better at controlling himself around blood."

"But I want you to do it. Only you," Bella said, hand coming up to stroke Rosalie's cheek. Rosalie's eyes flutter at this and Bella knows their argument is at an end. "Because I'm yours."

A possessive growl drops from Rosalie's lips as their foreheads bump together. "That you are. But you know, you're also your own independent woman," she adds on. "I don't want to control you. I just...I-"

"I know," Bella soothes in a soft hush as their lips slowly begin to come closer.

"Bella, we're at school," Rosalie warns.

"I don't care anymore. I want them to know you're mine," she said, fingers reaching out and brushing against Rosalie's hips, looping through her pants loops to ground herself as Rosalie slowly pressed her lips to Bella's, Bella craning her head up so she could reach the blonde's mouth. They pull apart but their lips hover a mere centimetre away. "But you know, you're also your own independent woman," Bella retorts back and Rosalie breaks out into a smile that has Bella leaning in and kissing her again.

A/N: Question. Would y'all rather see one chapter detailing a possible Rosella roadtrip, or would ya rather have it be spread out over a couple of chapters, like an adventure? Let me know because I'm not sure if I should get straight into the topic of Bella vs the upcoming vampire decision, or if I should delay it a bit more with some fluff.