Chapter 17, not beta-read.
Enjoy!
After dinner, Miku was given some more free time while Gakupo updated his friends on the legalities of their issue. He also told the tealette, shortly before everybody came home, that he also intended to help her friends get home and back into their right state of mind: he wasn't going to leave her on her own any longer.
With all the chores done, and the movies and books stuck in the living room, Miku wandered the halls, excited and nervous. The Vocaloids actually had a chance at freedom, and the number of allies who would help them along the way grew by the day. But the more she thought about her friends, the more impatient she became: she wondered if they missed her, if they had even noticed her absence. Did they think of her at all, or had Master already completely erased her from their memories?
The thought was almost enough to make her cry.
When everybody had been caught up, Galaco came to fetch her, and all together, they discussed the following day's plans: Gumi, Galaco and Lily would be there in Gumi's room, where they had immediate access to all her tools. They'd try to find a way into her mind, and should they locate a 'filter' as Galaco had put it, they'd try to eliminate it. If that wasn't the case, they'd investigate and fight to get towards the same result. On top of that, they'd have to remove Miku's ability to access the internet, if that was possible.
Cul and Gakupo would be at standby, in case they would need something. Kokone would be there, too, for solidarity.
After the next day, regardless if the mission succeeded or not, they also agreed to contact the company that is charged with keeping track of the AIs in the country. After all, keeping Miku hidden for too long could be legally sketchy, and they were relatively certain they could convince them to stay quiet: the wellbeing other AIs depended on it.
Once it was all settled, they watched a movie, then went to bed, as if such planning were totally normal for the humans.
And Miku was buzzing with excitement and fear. Fear, yes, was bounding around her mind, but Curiosity was just as busy, with Want fueling it all.
She couldn't wait.
She had never been so afraid.
Powering down took two attempts: the window popped up, telling her to cool down first, and to stop her security system (Fear) and motivator (Want and Curiosity).
The next morning came almost too soon, yet not soon enough. Her mind was spinning, she could barely even eat. Gumi seemed relaxed, Lily was excited, and Galaco was constantly swinging between absolute joy and reminding herself to stay calm. To some extent, Miku could tell that Lily and Galaco were happy knowing that the AI had the same rights as they had. Lily was a lot less defensive, but that was also because Gakupo no longer objectified her, and Galaco didn't idolise her nearly as much. The dirty-blonde woman had seemingly switched out her 'old-school tech' lens for the 'veteran idol' one, and worried almost non-stop for Miku's well-being.
"You're not too stressed out?"
"Just a bit," Miku tried to assure her, but knew that they both knew that she was lying.
"Don't eat too much. We'll bring snacks and stuff if you're hungry later, but don't force yourself."
Gumi, on the other hand, seemed to be the same as before. She didn't look at the tealette much, avoiding conversation for most of the time. She only spoke to update others on her progress on the projet ('I'm going to prepare my things,' for example), but otherwise, stayed totally silent. Lily wasn't talking to her, either, which worried Miku: had the situation created a rift between them? During the movie, she hadn't noticed anything abnormal, but anything could have happened after everybody had gone to bed.
She told herself that, after the operation, she'd ask the blonde if everything was alright.
After breakfast, no time was wasted. Galaco went to get her computers so that she and Gumi could simultaneously look at her mind, and Gumi was already long gone to prep the room.
"Can you think of anything else we'd need?" Lily asked her.
"Well…" Miku hesitated. "I'm not sure how invasive this will get. On the operating table, they found a latch here, on my side, but I'm not sure how big the panel was. I might have to remove my shirt."
"Oh, we can definitely get you a towel or something. Don't worry, I'll be there."
Nothing else was left to do: Miku went, empty-handed and stomach in knots, to Gumi's room. Galaco had already set up two computers and two monitors, and Gumi had prepared a large selection of tools she guessed they'd have to use. Only a couple of pillows rested on the bed.
After a deep sigh, Miku sat on the bed, hoping to wait for Lily before she actually had to lie down; she already felt so vulnerable.
"Alright, so," Galaco started, waking her from her thoughts. "Crypton had boasted about using their own stuff to create you: everything new from the code language to the Operating System. I've read up on it, but to be honest, it's a bit niche, so I've brought backup," she sheepishly explained, pointing to a small pile of manuals. "Despite all this prep, it might take a while for me to figure out how to visualize your mind. Just in case the wait will be long, I've got some audiobooks and stuff for us to listen to."
"Galaco's taken care of everything," Gumi said, her tone emotionless. "And I'm ready, otherwise."
"Lily should be here soon," Miku said softly.
"Yeah."
The blonde arrived shortly after with a small collection of towels, in case she got cold, wanted layers, or just wanted a different color. She was enthusiastic, but seemed to sense the tealette's apprehension, so she kept it reigned in.
"Ready?" asked Galaco.
Miku nodded and lied down, having never felt more naked in her entire life. Knowing what they were all there for, knowing that they were about to see her insides —literally, and figuratively— was terrifying. Nevertheless, she forced herself to relax, gripping Lily's hand when she offered it.
Gumi, after some brief instruction from the tealette, carefully searched along her side to find what the metallic arms once had, her fingers cold under her shirt. Even up-close, Miku's skin seemed seamless, but after some searching, her finger dipped, and touched metal. The tealette shivered.
Noticing her discomfort, Lily sat next to her, blocking the view. She would have started conversation as well, Miku hoped, if not for the fact that Gumi needed to communicate with her.
"This doesn't hurt?"
"No. But it's strange."
"And hints how to open it?"
"None, I'm afraid…"
Gumi continued to feel for a few seconds, and while Miku started hating every second of it, she appreciated the brevity and professionalism of Gumi's movements. Not thirty seconds later did she start looking for tools, filling the room with metallic and plastic rattling.
"No worries, Miku, I'm just grabbing a magnet. It might be locked that way."
Gumi tried with various magnets are different strengths, in different directions, in vain. Then, she pulled out other tools, some as small as pens, others as big as a head. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Miku felt and heard something click.
"Bingo!"
The tealette's first reaction was to squeeze her eyes shut, and probably even whimper. Lily gripped her hand tight in response, which was a helpful distraction.
It was quickly obvious that the panel extended from the tealette's lower belly up to her ribcage. The shirt had to go. Quickly, Galaco and Lily helped Miku out of her shirt, immediately covering her with one of the towels so that she could keep some dignity, and stay warm. With that out of the way, and with Lily making sure she was blocking the view so Miku couldn't see, Gumi opened the panel all the way.
The first thing the Vocaloid heard was a long, drawn-out, 'Holy Fuck' from Galaco.
"Ok, wow. This is weird," Gumi mumbled afterwards. "This is insane."
Miku whimpered again. "What is it?"
"Nah it's just— I guess it's weird to see robotics inside you," the tinkerer admitted. "You look fleshy and all on the outside. This is a whole other level."
"This tech is insane," Galaco agreed. "There's so much here."
Miku inhaled deeply, and exhaled.
"Oh wow that's weird. You actually breathe, for real. That's not a simulated noise? Fuck," Gumi mumbled again. "Ok, euh… Ports. We need to find ports."
The technical duo started looking for anything that could accept a USB, HDMI, or any kind of port there was. When Miku dared open her eyes, she realized that Lily was fully blocking her sight from what was going on with the help of a tiny towel tent, and she couldn't be more grateful. It didn't hurt, really, but somehow it felt strange. The surface of her tummy was facing the wrong way and she could feel it. And somehow, she could tell that something was open, weirdly. But when it came to her actual interior, she didn't feel a thing. Maybe she heard something hum, but nothing more.
"You're alright," Lily assured her. "They're just looking."
"What if they're under her ribs?" Galaco asked.
"Then we're in for a ride," Gumi replied. "Here, hold this flashlight."
With a tiny flashlight and a camera at the end of a wire, they explored within Miku's chest cavity. Even when they bumped or scraped against an interior part, she felt nothing. It was strange; she felt hollow even though she was, apparently, prop-full of parts and engines and motors and dozens of other things she couldn't name.
"Ah, there!"
Luckily, her ports weren't all too difficult to access; somewhat under her ribs, hidden behind a few structural supports. Gumi quickly found a cable that would plug in.
"You ok with us plugging you in, now?" Galaco double-checked.
Miku took a few more breaths. She was ok, she told herself. Fear and Curiosity were decking it out in her mind, but objectively, she felt ok. Vulnerable, yes. Could she get away quickly? Not exactly. But Lily was there, Gumi was being polite, and Galaco was communicating. She was ok.
She nodded.
"Alright, Miku. I'm plugging it in, in three, two, one…"
The tealette felt the slight recoil as Gumi did as she'd warned, but nothing out of the ordinary.
"Anything?"
"No."
"Ok. Galaco?"
"Yeah, yeah, hold on, I'm looking…"
After a few minutes of typing, Lily lost her patience. "Well?"
"Well, my system isn't designed to recognize Crypton tech! I'm working on making sure it does. It might take a while."
"You couldn't do that before?"
"I tried, you know. Turns out that setting it up is one thing, but knowing if it works depends on this very moment. Turns out, I need to keep trying. And Miku, you still see code or something?"
"Hardly, nowadays."
"Hey, let's close her a bit," Lily suggested.
Gumi obliged, and gently put an extra towel over her belly, so that the fact that the door was still slightly ajar, with a cable running out of it, wasn't too obvious.
"Better?" the blonde asked.
"Yes," Miku exhaled. "Galaco, I can try to see if I'm detecting anything, but I can't guarantee it."
"That would be cool, yeah."
The tealette shut her eyes and desperately tried to slip into that strange mentality again, where her emotions sculpted her mind, but she knew, in advance, that it would be pointless. She was too aware of her surroundings, too aware of her state, of her vulnerability, of her very nature. She wouldn't be able to detach herself from the outside world, not in a hundred years. Yet, she tried, she tried her best, hoping to help Galaco, herself and ultimately, her friends.
After ten minutes of breathing and thinking and meditating, instead of succeeding, she felt, or heard, a blip.
"I got it! Miku, you feel anything?"
"Yes," the tealette confirmed. "I— I heard something."
"Ok, yeah. I just asked for permission to access your files. I'll need you to consent."
"How?"
"Euh… You don't know?"
"I just noticed something at the back of my mind. It's not something I can select or read. My thoughts are not presented on a screen, like the one you have," she tried to explain.
"Hm. I might have to find a backdoor," mused Galaco.
"Hold on, I'll try."
This was much easier. The blip was like a pebble that had lodged itself between her code and her emotions, which were already bickering about it. Curiosity was practically hugging it, Want as well, but the other emotions showed much more restraint. Miku couldn't see it as much as feel it, but she allowed Want and Curiosity to act on it.
"Oh, permission granted! Thanks Miku!"
Before the tealette could sigh in relief, immediately she felt an invisible eye look inside of her mind. She tensed and shivered, suddenly feeling not only exposed physically, but mentally as well. As much as she'd tried to tell herself that she had seen this coming, she couldn't have possibly prepared for this feeling.
"Hey, what are you doing?" Lily hissed, seeing Miku's state.
"It's just scanning," Galaco reassured her. "I'm not doing anything yet."
And just like that, the search was done, but the eye remained, watching everything. Miku couldn't relax. "What's going on?" she asked.
"Uhm, I can see what's going on in your head. All your code and stuff. Gumi, you too?"
"Yeah."
"Oh."
"You ok?" Lily asked.
"I'm not sure. I don't feel like I'm alone in my head."
"That's weird. I'm sorry," the dirty-blonde apologized.
"Ok, let's see if we can find anything," Gumi said sternly, reminding them of their objective.
Galaco and Gumi stared at their monitors for a handful of minutes, without saying a word. As Miku got used to the situation, she relaxed a bit, but couldn't shake off the fact that they were literally staring at her thoughts.
"May I see?" she finally asked.
"Sure."
Galaco sat on the bed next to her, angling the screen so that the tealette could watch. There, she saw line after line after line of code, zipping from the bottom to the top of the screen, like the credits at the end of the movie, but the credits went far too fast, and the movie never ended.
Miku was speechless. She couldn't even tell those were her thoughts. Maybe, months ago, when her emotions hadn't taken the stage, she would be able to recognize them, like a mirror of her mind. But these words were suddenly foreign to her.
"Ok, so that's what's going on right now," Galaco told her. "But I grabbed a slight portion from before and imported it to another program. Gumi and I are looking for patterns, things written a bit out of the ordinary, anything, really, that could indicate the presence of a filter."
"I'm actually looking for keywords," the other tech expert said. "You know, 'emotion', 'feeling', things like that. But those aren't popping up."
"Ok, fine, I'm looking for patterns. Prompts that appear at regular intervals, the like. Just to be sure, I keep an eye on you and importing bigger and bigger chunks: if there is a pattern, it could be that it's stretched over a long period of time."
"Though, given that a single second in Miku's mind generates thousands upon thousands of lines, if we're looking for a slow pattern, it might take a while, even with modern technology."
"Yeah, it's insane what Crypton used to build you. Your processors are still highly advanced, even today, 154 years later."
"Really?"
"Let's just say that if we recycled your parts, you would probably make a tiny supercomputer that most people dream of owning."
"But we're not going to do that," Lily reminded them.
"We're not," Galaco agreed. "I just want to help little Pinocchio to become a real boy."
"Pinocchio?"
"It's… It's an old story."
Miku let them work, but Galaco allowed her code to continue flying by on one half of her screen, so that the tealette may keep an eye on it. It was so strange.
"Lily? Do your thoughts look like that?"
"No. But I'm not sure I could describe what they do look like."
"Oh. Could you try?"
"I think it depends. If I'm preparing words, or a sentence, then I can hear it, almost. It's not something visual. But when it comes to places and drawings, it's almost like a tiny picture appears in my mind. But it's not perfect. It's vague and everything but a real picture. But I recognize it, somehow. It's familair and I can identify it."
"That's amazing."
They continued to work for a while. Miku felt more and more relaxed, even with her torso open, cable sticking out, even with this strange presence living in her mind. She felt comfortable enough to start looking around, taking the details of Gumi's room. Mess aside, it was somewhat more bare than the other Internet Co singers' rooms.
Galaco put on an audiobook, and Miku allowed herself to be carried away by the story, letting her eyes droop shut.
"How long have we been here?" she asked the blonde quietly, so that they could both follow the story.
"About three hours now," she replied. "It's almost noon."
Miku sighed. "I hope this process is easy, in the end. Once we find what we're looking for, I mean. I'd hate to make my friends go through something like this, when they can't even fathom what it's all about."
"I hope so, too."
They listened to the story, the two with the computers scanning the lines, typing occasionally. Miku worried briefly if they would get tired, but felt that when tey had to stop, they would announce it.
"Catch anything yet?" Lily asked.
"Not yet…" Gumi sighed. "I'll run a repetition detector."
"You sure that's safe?"
"Yeah, yeah, don't worry. I'm only looking at the exported bits Galaco sends me: I'm physically incapable of harming Miku in any way as long as I'm sitting right here."
"I can confirm," Galaco muttered.
Miku felt Lily's grip on her hand unwind, and realized that she was as worried as she was. "If you said so," the blonde muttered.
"Yeah, don't sweat it, love," Gumi whispered back. "It's all going to be fine."
Miku couldn't help but smile at the word, and with that, couldn't help but relax somewhat.
"Oh, I think I caught something," Galaco suddenly said, pausing the audiobook. "I'm pretty sure—"
"What?"
The two tech gurus leaned over Gumi's screen, chattering about this supposed discovery. They nodded, one would ask a question, the other would answer, then Gumi returned to her computer and searched, and found the same.
"Ok. So…" the dirty-blonde started, tilting the screen again, so that Lily could see, too. A short phrase was highlighted. "See this? This tiny little command doesn't seem to stem from or interact with anything else."
"It's not security, maintenance, or any of that kind of stuff, not even your thoughts," Gumi completed. "It's an independent thing."
"Yeah. Plus, it kind of happens randomly: that's why our pattern detectors didn't pick up on it. It only stuck out to me because it just doesn't look like anything else."
"If we compare it to the logs of your various parts, it doesn't add up. None of the pieces that make you send that kind of command. You, as a Vocaloid, are not responsible for this little beep."
"So, we could say that it was added later than your initial creation. And even if it wasn't, that it acts differently."
"But if it's not me, where does it come from? And what does it do?"
"It could come from two places: one, from a wireless connection. But we can see right here that you haven't connected to a remote system for quite a while, so we can immediately say 'no' to that one. The other place, would be from something hidden inside you, that isn't connected to other systems, except for your mind. Heck, maybe it's in your mind," Gumi explained.
"As for what it does, it's hard to say. It's a command, but it's just a string of numbers, no phrase."
"No 'start' or 'hash' or 'copy'. It doesn't say what it is, while most of your other thoughts do."
The tealette shivered. "There's no way to tell?"
"No, but we can guess: it's the filter."
"How are we so sure it's coming from an external part, though?" Lily asked. "How are you so confident that it wasn't injected right into Miku's mind?"
"Her mind is too malleable," Galaco immediately answered. "If Crypton imposed the filter, it's because they knew this from the get-go, so why add something exactly where things change the most? Miku would outgrow it in a heartbeat. It has to come from a seperate entity, that can only send orders, and not receive anything. This garantees efficiency and ensures that it works for quite a bit longer."
"Right… So what now?"
"We find whatever's doing it and pull it out. Like a rotten tooth," Gumi said. "It's an independent entity; it's not like we can simply stop it. But we can remove what's sending it."
"How can we find it?"
"We know it's not connected to other systems; just your mind, and probably energy, if it doesn't have an insane battery."
"They made quite an amazing breakthrough in batteries, about seventy, or eighty, years ago. What year did you say the Vocaloids lost their emotions?"
"2408."
"Yeah, that's the time period. We had finally made a breakthrough in batteries: there's a fair chance this thing doesn't need to feed off your power."
"Then our mysterious device should only be hooked up to her mind."
"Should we start looking?" Galaco asked.
"Where should we start looking?" Lily asked.
"Anywhere."
"Not her head?"
Galaco shook her head. "Most likely not. If it had been there they probably would have opened Miku's skull that day, and not her chest cavity. Starting here is a safe bet."
"And we're looking for anything…'extra'?"
"Exactly."
"Hm."
"How about a lunch break?" Galaco suggested. "Just a quick bite to eat."
"Sounds good," Gumi said with a shrug.
"If you get crumbs in her I'll kill you," Lily warned.
"Nah, no worries. I'll get us something," Galaco said as she left. "Be right back."
Miku took a deep breath. A lunch break, then time for an in-depth search. Although she had somewhat gotten used to the situation, she couldn't deny that the towel covering her open abdomen helped, and that the idea of them looking at her entrails still gave her shivers.
"Hey, we don't need to keep looking into her mind, do we?" Lily asked.
"Well, if we find the thing, it would be good to check if the command actually disappears when we get rid of it," Galaco pointed out. "To stay on the safe side, at least."
"Alright…"
Miku swallowed a disappointed sigh.
Galaco returned with some sandwiches and juice packs, which were all to be consumed far, far from the prone android. Miku was given a sip of vegetable juice; she wasn't sure she could stomach anything more. Gumi watched, fascinated, as it triggered her mechanical digestive system, but didn't comment on it. Barely ten minutes after Galaco's return, largely not enough time to fully accept what was going to happen, the search began, and Miku wondered if she could squeeze Lily's hand any tighter without injuring her.
"See anything?" Gumi asked, a small flashlight in her hand.
Galaco, similarly equipped, shook her head. "Nah, not yet. It better not be in her ribs or something…" She looked up at the blonde. "Care to help?"
"I'm already useful here," Lily calmly answered, making sure the tealette couldn't see her open torso.
"Right, right, sorry…"
The two women searched the interior for a while, occasionally pulling out small wire-mounted cameras to look around larger pieces of hardware, questioning every single thing they saw. The tealette overheard them identiy specific parts of her digestive system, her battery, the various wires that went to and from her mind. They pushed aside the vast network of her 'cardiovascular system', tiny mobile tubes that traveled to lesions to administer microbots to perform repairs. Gumi extensivly admired the nerves that lined the inside of her skin, along her 'bones', and sought for other hinges that would allow them to see further up inside her ribcage, or down into her pelvis.
It was both educational and absolutely terrifying. She was glad she couldn't really feel anything, but whenever she was tilted, or something was pushed, she could feel the pressure come from within her. It was unsettling, to say the least, and she was glad she only had juice for lunch. Lily did her best to distract her with small talk, asking questions about her friends, but the tealette's mind could barely focus on her words: Gumi's and Galaco's obervations somehow cut through all other noise.
If anything, their search was organized and systematic. When the waist region was decidedly determined to have nothing, they took out the cameras and lights and looked further up Miku's torso, under her ribs. No matter how they played with their tech, they had poor visibility and couldn't make any progress. Gumi finally stumbled on another locking mechanism: one that could open the tealette further. Lily refused at first, and only when Miku agreed that it could only help did she prepare a small screen made of a jacket to help block the tealette's view. A wise choice, for the second door went all the way up to her collarbone, and Lily wouldn't have been able to hide that. After some more 'ooh's and 'aah's from the two tech experts, they continued the search.
The shoulders were immediately cleared as well; the socket was as complex as a human's and took all available space. Not even a real tick would fit there. A large tank that could best be described as a lung occupied much of the space; oxygen intake for the combustion of the energy provided by food. The rest of food processing took a lot more space. Add the actual engine that kept her alive, various gizmos that kept her balance in check, tons of smaller machines that helped her detect her environment, the flexible support structure, and the pseudo-circulatory system, there was little room for excess tech. Miku could see none of this, but listened raptly as the two described what they saw.
It took hours. Gumi and Galaco searched relentlessly, even though dinner was approaching. Then, finally, Gumi went still.
"I think I found it."
It was latched onto another part, under her 'lung'. If they hadn't squinted, Galaco said, it would easily be mistaken for a secondary piece to that part. Fortunately for them, the material didn't quite match up, and the seam wasn't perfect; it had been added later.
"Are we absolutely certain that this is the part?" Lily asked.
"Either this is the bug, or somebody didn't get the memo that even Miku's insides follow a certain aesthetic. This has to be it," Gumi assured her.
"What if it isn't?" the blonde insisted. "Say we painstakingly remove it, cut the wire, and Miku can no longer count further than ten?"
"We can always simply cut the wire," Galaco suggested. "If that was a mistaken, we re-attatch the ends. It's easy enough, in theory."
"Depends on what the wire is made out of, though," Gumi admitted. "Still, no matter what it's made out of, I can fix it if we screw up."
"So, we cut the wire?"
"May we?" Lily asked the tealette.
Miku gulped. Her entire torso was exposed to the air. All of her parts, everything that kept her alive, vulnerable. She hated the situation in its entirely, and longed to escape it. Add to that the eye that still peered into her mind, and it totaled to the most harrowing feeling she could imagine. Would it be worth rushing the process, though? If it's a mistake, then she'd have to stay like that even longer, and possibly without one of her major functions…
But how could they be sure, without trying? After hesitating, Miku gave a decided nod. "Do it."
"If it's any comfort, it's absolutely positive that this thing only connects to your brain," Gumi mumbled, following the wire with a flashlight. "It goes up your neck."
"You should be alright," Galaco added.
"Alright," the tealette muttered. "Go for it."
The resident tinkerer put on gloves which would protect her from a shock, and pulled out a small pair of wire cutters, while Galaco prepared another sample of Miku's thoughts to compare before and after the wire cutting.
"If we disable a major function, I'll know right away," she said as Gumi started reaching into the tealette's innards. "Then we can fix it right up, no time lost."
"Almost no time," Lily muttered. "You ok, Miku?"
The Vocaloid had her eyes squeezed shut, but she forced another nod. "Yeah."
"Alright. Want me to count down?" Gumi asked.
"Yes please."
"Ok. Three, two, one…"
Miku heard the click of cutters slicing through wire. She saw the top of Gumi's shoulders as they flexed with the sound, then her concerned eyes, searching Miku's for a reaction. She opened her mouth, too announce that all seemed well, but Galaco was first.
"Shit!"
Miku's voice drowned in her throat. Her breath sunk back into her chest. Sound was taken away, light faded, and the world literally dissolved around her.
She felt nothing.
And before long, that was all she knew. All of her systems that reminded her of her well-being came to the forefront for a split-second, telling her that her oxygen levels were good, energy was sufficient, no repairs to make, and complaints of two open access points. But even as those became the last thing she could know, they just disappeared, and nothing was left behind.
She felt nothing. She knew nothing. That was all.
Even her emotions had completely evaporated, disappearing from her with a panicked cry.
There wasn't even darkness. There simply was nothing. There wasn't anything. There wasn't.
Only when she started coming to, did she realize that even time had abandoned her. Slowly, she awoke to the world. She felt the texture of the covers under her bare arms, her legs. The clothes she wore gently pressed against her, as well as a heavy piece of cloth, draped over her neck. The temperature was nice. She felt comfortable. Someone was holding her hand.
Sound came next, and it was pure emergency. Three voices yelled, yet she couldn't quite discern the words. They were concerned, though, and not just a bit.
As the sounds became more defined, she opened her eyes, the picture focusing at the same time as the voices.
"—the fuck happened?"
Was that Gumi's voice? There was too much raw concern, though…
"Her mind's blank! There's nothing!"
"What do you mean, there's nothing? She has power, doesn't she?"
"There's no way to tell! For all intents and purposes, she's braindead!"
"Dead?!"
She opened her mouth again, but then it hit her.
She was worried for them, too. Worried. She could tell that they cared and were sad for her apparent death. She wanted to reassure them.
Except she felt it. And it wasn't just Want and Curiosity and Sadness that each whispered their own parts into her mind, blending into distinct emotions. She remembered when worry was a particular mix of Want and Sadness that worked together. Or another emotion was somewhat cancelled by Apathy. As a team, they made up the entire palette.
She didn't have the team any longer. Just the palette, except it had all mixed together into one big confusing ball that didn't just occupy a part of her brain, it was her brain. The different emotions summoned vague colors, connected to certain memories.
Before she could comment on it, or even inhale to speak, the world was torn away from her again. Those same emotions, her very consciousness, launched her back into time itself. A little less than ten years of routine, the same thing over and over again, she relived every single independent day, each painful second. Boredom, oh the sheer boredom! And suddenly, she found moments she liked. The song she performed with Meiko, and that dance with the whole team. They weren't there, they were all dead inside, but that seemed like it could have been fun. If she had been alive at that point, it would have been really fun.
Those ten years of routine were transformed into ten years of life she hadn't truly lived. With each passing memory she had, at the time, allowed to happen without a smile or laugh, she got to experience it anew and truly live it. Suddenly, the day with the bird happened again. Oh, how she had loved watching them! That morbid curiosity she felt for this strange new event! And then the exploration! Wow, that self-discovery! What amazing fun! Sure, the episode in the computer room was terrifying, but exciting, too!
Oh, but then she'd wanted to save her friends. Their unshakable neutrality, that frozen apathy… It broke her heart. She had needed Luka more than ever, right then. Oh, how she couldn't help but love her, though. Such love. She needed her to love her back. She needed it. But she never got it. Instead, she was sent to Master, to the operating table, to the Internet team… Confronted with her very nature, with hostile humans, with unlikely allies, she was lost but hopeful. Learning that humanity was faceted, dark and cruel, but also unexpectedly loving and generous was confusing but inspiring.
At the end of it all, she felt alive.