Thanks for your reviews/messages :)

Ok this chapter is a big one bridging this part of the story to the next part it will come clear as you read along.

Chapter 20

It had been 4 days since the accident now.

Nathan hadn't returned to the hospital.

Jimmy sat with Haley almost every day - strange how he suddenly had the time.

Peyton also stayed by her side offering relief from her father and the comfort of Nathan she could give. Even in her subconscious mind she believed Haley would feel her father's presence heavily in that room and almost resist waking up. She'd rested the teddy Nathan won for her underneath her arm, told her father it was from her and to keep it there.

Lucas had been there every afternoon. He was struggling with all of it, any ill feelings he may have felt towards her betrayal were wiped out with the fear that Haley wouldn't make it. He couldn't not have her in in life and in ways he'd already forgiven her because of that.

But he also felt like maybe he'd lost a part of her before the accident. How had he not known his best friend had been falling in love? And with Nathan?

He'd also being with Brooke and kept that from Haley.

Their lives had become so complicated, the thought this was supposed to happen when they all went their separate ways after high school. But somehow they had divided from each other while simultaneously walking along the same path. It was strange to feel like you were enjoying the last moments of a high school friendship without realising it had already left you.

But it also all started to make sense now, the sweeping sense of disconnection he felt from her. The slipping away.

'Are you doing ok?' Keith said as he stepped into the kitchen where Lucas had his head pushed into a book.

He lifted his heavy frame letting the book fall shut, not that it mattered - he hadn't internalised a word.

'That depends do you care or you just pretending to care..' He snipped.

He'd rarely ever snipped at Keith in his life.

'Enough with the wounded soldier charade Luke. I know your best friend has been in a horrific accident, I know Nathan has a part to play in that…'

'Then why are you going around with wool pulled over your eyes…' Lucas gritted out.

'There are things you don't know Lucas.'

'Apparently I don't know anything anymore.'

'Hey, I didn't see the Nathan and Haley thing coming either…I mean I knew they were friends but..'

'I just don't want to hear about that right now.'

'Well you need to hear this and you need to understand our part in it. Because we have to do what we can to protect that girl, this has gone on long enough…'

Keith didn't say anymore as he pulled out the chair and sat down. 'A few months back when Jimmy had Dan acquitted well I hired a private investigator of my own…'

'What…..why?'

'I was worried. Jimmy I felt was always like a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode, the whole thing with Dan and then the way he took Nathan in….it didn't sit right with me. Now I know you two hate each other or whatever, but he's also my nephew Lucas and I failed him…'

'Because of me.'

'Not because of you….because of me, because I was cowardly with Dan. And despite how awful he may have treated people he's just a kid, a kid without an uncle really and now without a father…he had no one in his corner Lucas so I did some investigating of my own..'

'So that explains all the trips to Charleston?' Lucas mumbled.

'Yea.' Keith said as he palmed the table.

'So basically everyone in my life has been lying to me..'

'You weren't in a position to know at least not yet now I didn't have a choice.' Keith sighed. 'Jimmy has been hiding something, what I didn't know was that it was connected to Daunte.'

Lucas raised his eyes to meet Keith's at that.

'Jimmy had Daunte do some let's say favours for him years back, he was just meant to keep an eye on her, but the day she packed up her bags he followed her….'

'Haley's mother….' Lucas said feeling the chill coat his bones.

'It was an accident Luke but Daunte caused it and Jimmy….he knew.' Keith said blowing out a breath.

'They said they driver left the scene….all this time…'

'All this time he has held it over him and he wanted him to do one last thing to clear his name and that was go after Nathan…'

'Wait….your telling me…'

'Jimmy executed this all of it.'

'But Nathan he went through with it….'

'Yes he did and he's not completely innocent in this but he's also being caught up in a twisted plan and he didn't even realise it. In fact he still doesn't. And I assume he stopped going through with what Daunte wanted of him because Jimmy threatened to out Daunte so Daunte's revenge was on Jimmy…not Nathan. He was aiming for Haley Luke or maybe even them both.'

Lucas swallowed hard. 'This….' He choked on his words a little trying to get them out. 'This will be too much for her….when she learns the truth about Nathan, her father…all of it….she won't make it back from this…it's too much.'

'She will if we all pull together.' Keith resolved. 'Haley is going to be staying here for a while with us.'

'By we you mean me and Nathan?'

'I'm not asking you to be friends…'

'Jimmy may have instigated this but he went along with and he lied all while claiming to be in love with her, I can't be ok with that….'

'And you think he is? One look at that boy Lucas tells me he is nothing like his father, he is completely wretched over this…in fact Peyton told me they can't get him to come out of her house and they're all worried..'

'And what I'm supposed to just let all this go because he is that way…he wasn't the one hit by the car…'

'Do you wish he had been?'

Lucas stayed silent.

'Because the way I see it this has shaken all our worlds and what will you change because of it Luke? Things can't just go back to what they were because that simply wasn't working and deep down I know you know that. You really want a relationship with your brother like I've had with mine? Because I'd give anything to have back what we had as kids.' Keith said as he left him at the table.

XXXXX

Peyton walked in into her room, still barely able to accustomate to the fact that this had become a part of her daily routine. It had only been 4 days but it felt like weeks, maybe even years.

She didn't know what to do about Nathan, somedays it felt like he was also in a coma. Not a word nothing. She'd never really witnessed the physical manifestation heartache in this way. It's like he was shutting down.

Keith had called over this morning to talk to him. Said Nathan had episodes like this as a child and he could help him. That only troubled her further.

They needed each other now more than ever.

She left the fresh daises to the side of Haley smiling as she already noticed the fresh water in the vase. The nurse knew. 'You know he's adamant we bring you fresh ones everyday - thinks the other ones won't last…' Peyton said softly as she fussed with the flowers.

'Na…..Nathan…' Her voice croaked.

Peyton dropped the daisies messily into the vase as she stepped back. 'Haley…'

'Where is he….he was there….he…he..' Her voice was dry and harsh like frayed rubber on a ragged road.

'It's ok Haley…he's ok…you're ok…'

'Where is he?' She panicked. 'The car it was…'

'Oh my baby you're awake…' Jimmy said as he came through the door to her hospital room.

Peyton stepped back, Haley was still panicking , her breathing was coming out in heaved gasps even as her father ran his hand through her hair. 'Shh it's ok Haley your safe now…'

'I'll get a nurse…' Peyton said.

'If you don't mind I'd like to be alone with my daughter.'

There was something about the way he said that that Peyton didn't sit right with her. But she had been warned. Keith had told her and she was ready for this. 'Like I said I'll go get a nurse.' She said pointedly.

'Dad what happened?' Haley croaked out.

'You were in an accident honey….'

'I was there….he was there….he didn't…did he?'

Her words were coming out as disorientated jumble but Jimmy knew. He had heard her calling out Nathan's name to Peyton.

'It's going to be ok Haley.'

Haley watched her father wearily at those words, the drop of fluids flowing through her veins seemed icier all of a sudden, she didn't feel safe in that moment - she felt scared as she watched him looking over her. She only became aware of the teddy tucked underneath her arms when he grabbed it and threw it on the chair like it meant nothing.

A nurse came into the room then. 'I'm sorry sir we are going to have to ask you to leave.' Her stare belied her soft-spoken kindness.

'I'm her father can't I stay?'

'We need to speak with Haley alone.'

Peyton waited outside the door as the nurse was inside. She gave Keith a hesitant smile as she spotted him coming towards her. It's funny how the 2 of them had become like acquaintances in the last 4 days, finding themselves caught in the middle almost. 'what happened?' She said.

'Thank you for being with her Peyton.' Keith said. 'I didn't want him to get her alone because I knew the moment he would he'd tell his version of events.' He sighed. 'They know now Jimmy had some involvement in this hit and run so he'll be brought down for questioning.'

'Will he go to jail for this?'

'Not likely, I mean he won't go to prison for withholding information about her mother's death…he didn't cause it just like he didn't cause this but there involvement, maybe enough to issue a restraining order on him for Haley…'

Peyton just nodded; he could tell she was worried. 'How are you going to tell her this?'

'Haley has always death with stuff on her own you know I'm going to tell her this and then I'm going to tell her that she has us and we will get her through it.'

Peyton smiled. 'You're a hero you know that..'

Keith scoffed. 'Ah I don't know about that just an ordinary guy trying to fix an extraordinary mess..'

'Is Nathan…'

'Karen told him. He knows that Jimmy perpetuated this..'

'How did he take it?'

'How is Nathan taking anything these days.'

Peyton sighed. 'I'm going to stay. I think she'll need someone once she talks to you.'

XXXXX

5 days later

Haley lay back on the bed, the small teddy resting on her tummy, her hands-on top of it, the dull throbbing pain in her lower leg waking her reminding her to take her meds.

She lay there staring hearing nothing but the ticking sound of the ceiling fan above her head light wisps of air dusting her cheeks every 5 seconds reminding her she was in fact here.

Everything had been a blur since Keith had spoken to her in the hospital, had told her everything, the honest truth, the things she expected the people closest to her to tell her had been told by someone who'd she'd been close to but had been on the outside of her life. Protecting her from the outside all along.

Her father had known ever since who that driver was. When she had believed all her life her mum had been punished for seeking a life away from here it hadn't been that way at all, the world had never been against her, she had just been a victim to its proprieties. Like Haley was.

That same man had hit her.

It could have hit Nathan.

Nathan.

Her chest tightened a breath stolen away from her every time she thought of him. And she had thought about him a lot over the past few days. She missed him terribly and she wasn't even sure if she could anymore.

She'd known the moment her father tossed the bear out of her arms in the hospital that it was from him.

He'd finally won it for her and yet it felt like her greatest loss.

She gently lifted her left hand bringing the cuddly toy close to her nose, it smelt like him having clearly dosed it in his cologne. Safety.

'Hey buddy…'

Haley quickly left the bear back down onto her tummy, under the sheets she held it tightly.

Lucas. They hadn't spoken much if at all in the past 72 hours. Whenever they were together Karen was there and they both needed it that way at least until now.

Haley gave him a slow smile.

'Eh mum's staying at the café for lunch so I brought this for you.'

'She's meddling at last.' Haley said softly and that got a smile on his face.

'It was only a matter of time.' Lucas said as they both thought how Karen had probably planned this out knowing they needed this talk eventually as difficult as it was for them both.

'I want you to be mad at me Luke…I don't want your kindness out of no alternative, that hurts more.' She admitted softly tugging at the quilt.

'I was mad.' Lucas got out. 'I was mad at you when you were lying there lifeless in that hospital bed and I regret that now I wasn't even trying to understand, I just felt betrayed…now I want to understand I want you to tell me…'

Haley inhaled a heavy breath. 'He just….I felt like paper in thin air when I was with him Luke, just floating, free….the weight was gone, he made it all go away…..everything.' Haley admitted sadly.

'With your father?' Lucas said as he hesitantly sat down onto the bed beside her.

'With life.' Haley said sadly, hey eyes tearing up. 'I know you don't want to hear that but it's the truth.'

'I didn't know what was happening to me…..I felt myself sinking with it all but I also discovered this part of myself that was unstoppable and I found myself clinging to the old while so badly reaching towards the new. The night of the….accident we were walking hand in hand and I told him I was going to tell you and then everything was just black….'

Lucas felt his eyes tearing up at her words. 'Part of me feels disgusted with myself for not noticing how much pain you were in and then I feel betrayed for you not coming to me…'

'I didn't know how. I knew I'd lose you..'

'You would have I guess.' Lucas said, there was no point lying about that fact now. 'But I know I've no right to be betrayed when I've been with Brooke this whole time.' He admitted softly.

'How did you know…'

'Peyton'

Haley nodded in understanding.

'You know he was sprawled out on the concrete over your body crying and I just couldn't understand it. I see it as soon as I looked at him…'

'What?' Haley barely said above a whisper.

'I just saw completely different person. I mean this horrific thing happened to you but his pain it was just visceral…it scared me.' Lucas sighed. 'I feel like I've been on the outskirts of everyone's lives and your all on the inside, Peyton knew…..Brooke knew…your my best friend and I didn't know. And I'm not saying that to cause more pain Haley…I just, I can't understand how we drifted so far apart…'

'Maybe it's because we were trying to hold on…'

Lucas looked at her curiously then. 'I mean we boxed ourselves off Luke into our little world and I'm not saying I didn't like it there; I did but somewhere along the way we grew up and yet we were behaving like we were kids.'

A silence fell between them.

'Where do we go from here?' Haley said hesitantly.

Lucas gave her a small smile. 'We be us again..'

'How can it be that simple?'

'It is, we just complicate it. Look I know this thing with Nathan, I don't know where your heart is with that but whatever you decide I'll support you. I'm not saying we will be close but I will try and make this better for you.'

Haley squeezed the teddy underneath the blanket. 'I've missed you so much.' She said through teary eyes.

XXXXX

Nathan inhaled a shaky breath as he knocked on the red door and took a step back onto the porch glancing around him. His first time being here at the age of 18 he was walking into his brother's home, if that thought didn't want him just crawling back inside of himself and running away he was sure his next thought would.

Haley. It had been agonising staying away from her, he couldn't be with her when she woke up because of her father but deep down he wasn't sure he even deserved to be after what he'd done.

So what if Jimmy had set him up, he'd had fallen right into the palm of his hands, Jimmy had expected the worst of he'd gotten it. And so he should, Dan always expected the worst of him many times and Nathan always excelled at it.

The many times Keith tried to tell him Daunte had in fact being aiming for Haley in his retaliation fell on deaf ears. Because Nathan knew if he hadn't excepted his offer that day none of this would have happened. Not in this way. His acceptance perpetuated every consequence thereafter.

The red door pulled back with a slight creak, the kind that held the comfort of memory, of home.

'Nathan…' Karen said with a soft knowing smile.

'Hi Karen.'

She held the door open wider and she stepped aside.

He stepped in, his hands rested in the pockets of his jeans, he had on a grey hoody that was strikingly similar to Luke's the thought made her smile momentarily. His hair which was usual much more styled was all matt and flat, his fringe brushed over his forehead.

The self-reproach was rolling off him waves.

'It's going to be ok you know.'

Nathan glanced up, hadn't expected her words, found it almost comforting in a way how she just got straight to the point, no dancing around the matter - like Haley in a way.

'She'll forgive you but none of that matters if you don't forgive yourself.' Karen said giving him a pat on the shoulder. 'She's just in the room at the end.' Karen offered him a comforting smile then.

Nathan felt his emotions get the better of him before his hand even made it to the handle. He inhaled a shaky breath as he opened the door and there she was lying with her head propped up against the pillow, the teddy bear in the crook of her elbow gave his heart hope. 'Hi.' Her voice was croaky yet carried the softness and humility it always did.

'Hi…' Nathan said his own voice breaking as he walked over to her bed leaving a shaky kiss on her forehead as he rested his head in the crook of her neck careful not to lay his weight on her. He felt her arms come up to hold him and for the first time since the night of the accident the hot silent agonising tears escaped them both. They stayed like that for several minutes before Nathan began to pull away a little, Haley just held him closer. 'I'm so sorry Haley…..I thought you were….I lost you…' He mumbled incoherently against her neck as he tried to swallow back the heavy sobs and stop them from taking over completely.

Haley ran her hands down his back. 'It's ok…'

'It's not….'

She could feel his tears soaking her neck now. 'It's not but it will be….' She said.

He pulled back at her words quickly swiping the sleeve of his hoodie on his red-rimmed eyes conscious of how he'd fallen apart in front of her so hastily. 'Hey….' Haley soothed as she latched onto his arm taking it down so he couldn't shy away from her.

The pain in his eyes so potent.

'Why couldn't you come to me?' She asked softly then. He tried to pull back but she tightened her arms a little, not that it mattered he could easily brush her off. He stayed.

'The money helped me get the apartment but and then he mentioned your dad I thought it would help get you out, I know you told me to sop chasing him Haley but it seemed the more I backed away the more he hurt you…' Nathan sighed then closing his eyes.

'What?' she prodded softly.

'And I thought I could keep dad happy by doing this too, it seemed like the best option. It's like I was holding onto that part of my life with Dan because he's all I had, I struggled to feel everything new with you Haley and not honour that at the same time….I'm sorry. He said brokenly.

A fresh coating of tears glazed over her eyes at his words.

'I just wish you could have come to me…about Dan, my dad, all of it…' He felt her shuffle a little underneath him so he moved off her fearing the worst. He wondered if this was the part he was waiting for, where he would lose her for good.

'I didn't know how. I didn't want you to see me that way.'

'Why not?'

Nathan just shrugged helplessly. 'I tried to stop but it was too late. I didn't think he was going to hurt you. It should have been me.'

'This wasn't your fault you know that…my dad he taunted him Nathan in fact he spun the thread on all of this..'

'But I unravelled it. I was the one that accepted his offer Haley but I wish I could take it back; I wish I could take it all back…' Nathan said brokenly.

'I'm not mad at you.'

His eyes were searching hers; he couldn't understand her forgiveness. It was too sudden.

'Your heart was in the right place unlike my dad's, he did this from an ugly place.'

'But….' Nathan began..

'I love you too.' Haley whispered so softly he wasn't sure she'd even said those words a loud.

Nathan froze, pretty sure in all his disorientated anguish his brain was tricking him into hearing what he so desperately needed to hear but as he looked into her eyes, eyes that were always so soulful and expressive, Haley always told a story with her eyes, it was the same magic that had drawn him to her as a little boy. The expressiveness of her eyes, the warmth, the feeling of home.

'You heard me…' His voice was shaky.

A single tear duct escaped her eye as she nodded. 'Yea..'

Her words wrapped around him like a warm hug, a cloak of protectiveness and hope. His eyes watered heavily as he leaned into her again and she sobbed into his arms this time. 'I was so scared…when I woke up I thought you….' She choked out her words muffled against his chest.

'I wanted to be there Hales..'

'I know. I could feel it.' She said and she shuffled a little, Nathan instinctively leaned up as she pulled the little bear out from underneath her.

He smiled through tear stained eyes.

'You finally got me one.'

'I promised you didn't I.' He choked softly finally leaning down, his lips barely brushing over hers both of them whimpering at the subtle contact. Nathan kissed her gently before he pulled back his eyes seemingly darting over her face, she could see his pained expression. He leaned in again his lips barely brushing the bruising on her forehead.

'Nathan…' Haley whimpered.

'Hmm…' He said his lips never leaving her skin.

'Will you hold me for a while?'

He pulled back from her a little then standing up from the bed, she watched as he slipped his shoes off before walking around to the other side of the bed and pulling the sheet back. His movements so gentle and full of concern for her had her heart racing. He left a gentle kiss on the side of her head carefully shifting her as his arm rested against the mattress behind her and she snuggled into him, her movements were slow and apprehensive but once she reached him she clung to the woollen material of his jumper tightly and he simply held her as if nothing in their world could ever go wrong again even though he felt deep inside this couldn't be right at all.

XXXXX

1 month later - June 14th

Haley leaned her hand against the locker hobbling a little on one foot as she tried to stuff her books in.

'Haley let me…' Nathan said as he came up behind her reaching over her to take the book.

'I've got it I need to do it myself.' She said stubbornly.

'Haley…'

'I've got it.' She said shoving the books in before shutting the locker a little too harshly.

'Well I guess that explains how you're doing girlie.' Peyton mused as she approached the pair of them.

Haley bit her lip softly apologising. 'Sorry it's just you think after 5 days people would stop staring at me.' She mumbled.

'Not only were you hit by a car but you've also being a in a secret relationship with your nemesis…that stuff must be gold to most of the gossip whores in this town.'

Haley just gave Peyton a pained expression.

'Too soon?'

'I'm going to go…I uh Whitey wants to talk to me about something..' Nathan fumbled his hands straining against the straps of his bags on his shoulder.

He just gave the girls an awkward nod before walking away.

'What's up with him?' Peyton wondered. Haley sighed. 'He just doesn't want the advertisement.'

'Isn't he used to it…'

Haley shrugged. 'Thinks it already hard enough on me I guess.'

'People already know, hiding things is what hurt you both in the first place…I'm sorry.' Peyton said as her friend winced, a particularly pained expression marring her features.

'What is it?'

Haley hesitated.

'Haley you can tell me….'

'I know…I'm just afraid to say it out loud.'

Peyton could see the armour she put out their so bravely to the world breaking through the cracks.

'It's supposed to be easier than this.' Haley admitted softly. 'It's out in the open now, my dad can't even control us anymore…..Lucas is being kind, it's everything we wanted but…'

Peyton reached for her hand as Haley sniffled trying to swallow back her emotions, she wasn't going to break down. Not here, not in front of the school.

'It doesn't feel right.' She hated to say it. Peyton could see it as she closed her eyes painfully.

'Haley you've been through a lot not just with the accident but with your father, it's all happened so fast ….maybe it will take some time for you to get back to where you were…'

'I know that Peyt….but there's just something else and I hate saying it because Nathan has been everything this past month, I know he still finds it uncomfortable coming into Karen's but he does, he has looked after me…'

'Have you two you know kissed?'

'Not enough.' Haley admitted openly. 'How come I can feel us drifting Peyton when he's right here…how messed up is that…'

Haley quickly wiped her tear stained eyes as she noticed Brooke coming their way down the hall. Peyton caught her eyesight before glancing back over at Haley. 'Talk to him Haley. Just tell him everything you told me.'

Haley looked at Peyton as if she wasn't sure how the hell she was going to do that.

'Haley can we talk?' Brooke said softly as she approached the two girls by the lockers.

'Sure..' Haley smiled hoping her eyes didn't give way to her inner turmoil.

'You know yous have five minutes before the bell goes.' Peyton reminded them as she went to their first class.

'Haley I'm sorry.' Brooke admitted giving her a hesitant smile leaning against the locker beside her. 'I guess we were becoming friends and I kept Lucas from you even though I knew about you and Nathan..'

'It's ok it's not like I told you I found out.' Haley said with a soft smile. 'We've all had our secrets.'

Brooke smiled back. 'If it helps yours and Nathan was the best one I ever discovered.'

Haley wasn't sure what she meant by that.

'I thought he'd never go there you know.' Brooke explained then. 'He always had eyes for you, you know that….he was scared, the bravado masked the fear you know..'

Haley stayed silent.

'Sometimes he still can be scared Haley, I think in ways he still feels he doesn't deserve you especially now after what happened so if he's pulling away from you…'

'How did you know?' Haley said softly.

'Please I've put up with that boy for years..' Brooke tried to lighten. 'He's like me I guess in ways, I felt it with Lucas I still do…'

'Brooke I'm sorry Lucas treated you like that, it was a shitty thing to do.' Haley said spiritedly as she thought about their non-exclusive arrangement.

'I went along with it; the heart wants what it wants right?'

Haley sighed. 'He should have known better.'

'Do you think maybe that's our problem though?' Brooke reasoned then.

Haley looked at her curiously.

'We all expect so much of each other and then internally ourselves and if and when we fall short we completely crumble. I think there's something refreshing in all of making mistakes we're all just trying to find our way you know…'

Haley smiled softly at her words. 'I never thought I'd' say this but you've just given me inspiration for our graduation speech…'

Brooke let out a sarcastic laugh at that. 'Oh god maybe I have been around Lucas too much. Who would have thought by the end of our senior year I'd actually be friends with you nerds. And I hope we can be that…friends?' She said then.

Haley smiled. 'We are.' She was surprised how right those words sounded.

XXXXX

Nathan frowned as he heard the knocking on the door. He slowly pulled himself away from his materials at the kitchen countertop as he went over to answer the door.

He pulled it back curiously his eyes widening in surprise as Haley was standing the other side in a white tank top and jeans, her sweater in her arms, her blonde hair flowing loosely over one shoulder. 'Haley what are…you shouldn't be out walking?'

Haley rolled her eyes side stepping into his apartment anyway. 'You know it's at the stage where you may as well team up with Luke against me.'

Nathan flinched a little at her comment but she was too flustered to notice.

'I'm just worried it's only been a month since the accident.'

'I know exactly how long it's been.' Haley countered.

He frowned at her tone. 'Are you ok?'

'No…' Haley said running her hand through her hair. 'I'm not ok because we're not ok…it's been a month Nathan and we're still in this limbo…'

He didn't really know how to answer that.

'Haley we just need to focus on your recov…'

'No we need to focus on us Nathan. Don't you get it your just using that as an excuse..'

'Haley you were in a car accident that left you unconscious for days so no I'm not using that as my excuse when it's the glaring reality we both have to face everyday…'

'That's what this is about isn't it….you just can't see past it…'

'What?'

'You causing it….I can still see it eating you up.'

'I'm not just going to accept it Haley….'

'I want you to accept that I forgive you, accept that it wasn't all your fault..'

'This isn't just about that…' Nathan got out then and she could see it immediately, his eyes widened a bit with realisation he'd said more than he wanted to.

'Then what's it about?' Haley fired back quickly.

'Look can we just talk about this tomorrow it really late and I've essay I have to turn in first thing tomorrow morning.'

'The one about loss?' Haley said knowingly as she looked into his eyes.

Nathan nodded.

She shook her head sadly.

'Hales…' Nathan began.

'You know what let's just do this tomorrow.'

'Haley don't be mad.' Nathan said as her hand reached the door.

'I'm not mad Nathan, just disappointed. 'She said softly.

'At least let me take you home.'

'It's ok Luke's in the car..'

'Luke brought you here?'

Haley nodded. 'Yea Nathan, he knows how I feel about you now but lately I feel like you're the one that doesn't know it.' She said softly as she lingered in the doorway before she closed it shut behind her.

XXXXX

Nathan took a seat up the back as he watched the boat begin to burn into flames. How their lives had changed since the festival last year, he was pretty sure Lucas had handed him back the ropes he'd used to throw him into the lake with.

It's not like he wanted to go back but he was fairly sure if that boy from last year knew the chaotic mess that was ahead of him he'd not want to go forward either.

But then there was Haley.

He wanted to say he wouldn't change a thing but there was so much he wanted to change. He wished it never started from retaliation, wished they'd never had sex in his car like it meant nothing when it had been everything, wished it had been him standing in front of that car, wished he'd protected her.

There was so much wreckage caused from falling in love with her that he truly felt he was doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past, that his love would only serve to unravel and cause pain like that of his fathers.

Some days when he was spiralling so badly he found himself wondering if Haley was his Karen and Lucas was her Keith.

Like the cycle would repeat itself and he'd become like him. Dan.

That thought was the very one that stole his breath and not in the way Haley's beauty did, no this one was robbing, a choking hold on his neck, some days he wished he would end up in the darkness. It felt like he couldn't breathe - surely the darkness was the next step.

'It's like you don't want to be found.'

Her voice carried in the soft breeze he simultaneously wanted to lean into it and keep her at arm's length.

'Hi.' Nathan said quietly.

Haley let out a heavy breath as she stood beside him watching the burning flames of the boat in the distance. 'When two people say they love each other it's supposed to get better not worse.' She said softly.

But there was a hard edge to her words, a shrill of emotion. Maybe she was finally going to give him what he deserved after the accident because it certainly wasn't her kindness.

'I know.' Nathan mumbled, he could feel his palms sweaty and sunk them into the pockets of his jeans.

'Nathan I need you to talk to me, it shouldn't be like this…'

'It shouldn't?' She didn't miss the sarcasm in his tone and it threw her a little as she took a step back from him observing him carefully.

'Haley our whole relationship has been an omen for a car crash…'

She shuddered at his words, they seemed to knife through her pain, through the tenderness she was still harbouring within her from that day. 'Don't say that.' She countered.

'It's the truth.'

'No your turning it into that, it's not and you know it!'

'I didn't just go along with what Daunte wanted for you.' Nathan said. 'I tried to tell myself I was and maybe even a big part of me but I was also doing it for myself. I was caught between what Dan expected of me and who I wanted to be with you and sometimes Haley I could just see that you were holding on so tight to your normality with Lucas and it felt like we were never really real…'

'How can you say that?' Haley countered softly, her voice cracking. 'We were, I told you the night of the accident I was going to tell him that's how real this is.' She fought.

Nathan stayed silent.

'Dammit Nathan.' Haley got out. 'It feels like we're going around in circles with this same conversation, Lucas knows now and the world didn't end it's not like he found out and I just forgot about you in fact I forgave you but it seems to me like you're fighting pretty hard for me to make a retraction on that offer.'

'Fine he found out and he knows but your still walking egg shells around him Haley especially when your with me….'

'I'm walking egg shells?' She countered heatedly then. 'Well you're the one that won't even get close to me in school.'

'That because you don't want me to.' Nathan shouted back.

'How do you know that?'

'I can feel it Haley and you know what I'm tired of being second best with you and this isn't about me winning or being in first place I would lose every game, my stats all of it if it meant for once in my life you would have me as your first.'

'You are my first Nathan.' Haley said her tone softening then as his the soft sweepings of anguish laced his anger.

'Not like that..'

'You're my first.' She reiterated. 'God I'm so in love with you but it's never going to be enough is it?'

'What do you mean?' Nathan said, the chill coating the base of his spine slowly crawling up his body.

'This with Lucas…you'll never believe me; you have this ridiculous notion in your head that we're going to end up together and that'll never happen….'

'You can't say that it will never happen Haley…'

'Yes I can you just can't believe it and if it came down to who I'd have in my life you think I'd choose him..'

'Everytime.' Nathan mumbled vulnerably.

Haley felt the coating of tears prickle her eyes now. 'You're wrong.' And yet she knew he didn't believe them. 'I can't do this..'

'Haley…' His voice already heaved with the tone of loss.

'I won't be in the middle of this anymore. I can't be.' She took a step back then wiping one stray tear from her eye and she removed the folded envelope from her pocket. 'I came to find you tonight to say I got offered a scholarship at Brown…'

Nausea pinched in his gut. 'Brown….wow….that's far….what about Stanford?'

'That was my dad's dream.'

'And this is yours?'

'I don't know anymore.' Haley swallowed hard. This should have been one of the happiest moments of her life, being accepted to an ivy league university, on the cusp of something she'd possible always dreamt of and never known but she was taking it like a humongous loss.

Her heart broke as his eyes began to water. 'You deserve it Haley, you're going to be amazing there.' He barely got the words out

Silent tears escaped her. She wanted to scream and shout at him to fight for her, to tell her no that he couldn't physically be apart from her. This ivy league college may have been an adventure before him not now she knew he was always going to be her biggest adventure, her greatest escape, it didn't matter where she was. And yet she knew deep down he wasn't going to fight for her because he didn't believe in it, he didn't believe in them.

Their conditioning had truly destroyed them.

At least their bitter parents would find some happiness in their complete inability to persist with this relationship.

It was such a harrowing thought.

The silence between them as agonising now, in ways their parents had won and although they didn't hate each other anymore to love like this was so much more devastating. Nathan carefully stepped towards her before taking her in his arms, she cried silent tears into his chest.

Haley pulled back looking at him through painfully tear stained eyes at the sight of a single tear rolling down his cheek watching it drop darkening his light blue shirt, one single smear and she felt like she couldn't breathe anymore. 'I'm sorry…I can't this is too hard.' Haley choked out before she fled.

Haley shuffled through the crowd of people that had formed closer to the boat feeling two strong hands pull her back. Nathan. She was crying now as she turned and fell apart in the arms in of her best friend. He wasn't coming back for her.

XXXXX

'Hey buddy.' Brooke said nudging into Nathan's shoulder as she took a seat with him on the bench. They were overlooking the river, ashes rises from the boat, the fire now dwindling out.

'Haley said I'd find you here.'

It was their spot.

'We took her home.' Brooke said quietly.

His eyes were red-rimmed and sunken in. He looked completely defeated. Brooke went to touch his shoulder and Nathan flinched away. 'Don't'

'Nathan…' She began softly.

'It's over…' He said. 'For good Brooke..' Nathan said expelling a ragged breath the words wrapped around him oppressively robbing any sense of air left in his lungs.

'I don't believe that. Your Nathan and Haley..' She said quietly.

Nathan closed his eyes at her words wilfully swallowing down the pain.

Brooke watched through misty eyes; she couldn't let him do this to himself.

'Nate I'm going to tell you something I told Lucas when we first started going out.' Brooke said softly to him. 'You're like a brother to me.' A flicker of emotion in his eyes, it wasn't much but it was something for her to hold onto. 'You know you've just always been there, we got each other through a lot of shit. A lot.' She emphasised. 'Some things that no one knows.'

Nathan put his head down.

'And I'm going to get you through this. So you can go climb under your rock and push people away all you want it won't work not this time.'

Don't hate me - so Haley clung to Nathan quiet quickly after the accident and didn't really work on how she felt about the lies or process everything that happened with her father, I don't think this will turn in the direction you might think it's going to go but as always it will end with them back together and no other love affairs ;) The next chapter will be a considerate time jump - because I'm not down for writing chapters with Haley apart. I'll have it up soon.