Ash

I couldn't believe that Lexa had never done so many of the things I take for granted. It was so cute to watch her experience these things for the first time and I loved the fact that I was the one she got to do them with. For some reason, I want to be the one to sow her all the things she has missed. Although, I don't think she is a big fan of clothes shopping. I'm going to have to be careful with this girl. She is so innocent, and she just says what she feels. It's kind of refreshing not to have to weed through the bullshit that some women tell you just to get in your pants. But Lexa isn't like that, she hasn't had the opportunity to experience normal things therefore she doesn't play games.

I am going to have to remember that she has no experience at dating or interacting with other people unless it involves fighting. I wonder if the fact that she is so innocent is what attracts me to her. I mean I love showing her new things and experiencing them with her as she does them for the first time but is that the sole reason, I'm so attracted to her? When all the firsts are over will I lose interest or will she? I have so many questions, I need to be careful with her feelings and mine. I can feel my walls cracking and it scares me. I haven't let anyone in, in so long... We need to take whatever this is slow and I mean super slow. I know I shouldn't have bought those dirt bikes, but I couldn't help it when I saw her looking at it, I just had to get it for her. Besides, it's not like it is my money anyway. I mean technically it is, but I look at it as blood money and usually blow it on random crap anyway so why not something nice for her.

As we head back across town, I look over at Lexa and she is fast asleep. I guess shopping really wore her out. Since she is sleeping, I decide to swing back by the clinic and see if Abby is still there. I need to talk to somebody and well it's not like I have a lot of choices. When I pull up, Abby is walking to her vehicle. I get out and leave the jeep running so hopefully Lexa won't wake up.

Abby sees me coming and asks, "Ash, what's wrong. Is everything okay?"

I don't know why but I say, "No, Abby everything is not okay and I don't know what to do about it."

"What are you talking about Ash? Is Lexa okay?"

"I guess, technically the answer to that question is yes. But she's really not, I mean for God sakes she had never been to a restaurant or shopping for clothes. She doesn't know the difference between an Xbox and a PlayStation. All she knows is how to fight and boy can she."

Abby smiled, "Ash she is getting to you, isn't she? I mean you have known what she has been through and what her life has been like for a couple of days now, so why is it bothering you now?"

"Hell, I don't know. I mean yeah, I knew she had it ruff but today just showed me what all she has missed. She doesn't even know what it's like to be a kid. I mean she's never been in a relationship with anyone much less another female. So, she doesn't have any idea how hard either are and what if when she gets to the states she sees all the possibilities she never knew she had and….and what if I am not enough?"

Abby started to laugh and said, "Ash, I have never seen you like this. I have never known you to be insecure, especially about a woman. Especially one you just met but by what I'm hearing she has already broken down the walls you have spent the last five years of your life building and it scares the shit out of you. I hate to tell you this but there are no guarantees in life or relationships. I thought you of all people knew that."

"I am glad you find this funny, Abby and trust me I know there are no guarantees in life. I just don't know what it is about her that makes me so crazy. I mean what if I'm only attracted to her because she is so innocent, and it feels good to be able to show her new things? What if when all the firsts are over, I'm not interested in her anymore or what if she gets tired of me when I can't show her anything else? Abby, what should I do?"

"Look Ash I don't have all the answers, all I can do is say if it is meant to be then it will be. Some people know right away others don't. Some people need to date many people, some only need to date one. What I do know is that when you find the right person, you will know it and even if it takes the other person longer to realize it, if it is meant to be it will. No matter how many times you are separated you will always find your way back to one another in the end. Ash I really think you are simply scared because you really care for her. My advice is to take it slow and let it develop at a pace that you are both comfortable with and if it's meant to be, well it will."

"Great, now I'm even more confused than ever. Thanks for the talk though."

I spent the rest of the ride thinking about everything that happened today and what Abby had said. Amazingly when I thought about it, she was right. It has been a long time since I had a real relationship and it didn't end well, which is the biggest reason I don't trust anyone. I'm not sure of much right now, but I'm quite sure I want to give things with Lexa a real chance. I mean I think she has pretty much destroyed the walls I have built up over the past years.

It is around ten when we make it back to camp and there really aren't many people around. I would love to be able to just carry her back to the room without waking her but that would look a little suspicious so instead I lean over and kiss her on the cheek to wake her up. When she opens her eyes, I smile and say we are back babe. We need to unload the bikes and ATV, then take the rest of the stuff to our room. Do you think you can wake up enough for that? She just smiles and says sure, I can help with that.