"Are you sure you want to do this?" Mandy asked Sammy as they rode the tram to Presbyterian Hospital. "I know how much you love him. What if seeing him like that upsets you?"
"If I can handle him getting shot on a sinking ship I can handle anything, " she muttered under her breath. "Of course I don't want to see him hurting. But I have to know for sure that he's alive. If I don't see for myself I'll go crazy."
"I know," confessed Mandy. "I just wanted to make sure you're ready for this.
"You haven't changed one bit, have you?" Sammy said fondly. "You spend so much time worrying about other people, I can't help but wonder if you're taking proper care of yourself."
As they disembarked the tram, Sammy looked at the paper again. "This is it. 234 East 70th."
"Excuse me, we're looking for Tommy Ryan, from Belfast, Ireland," said Mandy to the receptionist. "We're friends of his."
"One minute," said Receptionist Lady. She flipped through her files. "Yes, he's in room 206. Enter quietly please. He may be sleeping."
They took the stairs to the second floor. Quietly, Sammy opened the door.
"Hello? Who's there?" asked Tommy.
"It's me, sweetheart. It's your Sammy."
Tommy tensed. "Do I know you?" Her whole world began to crash down around her as she realized the truth.
He can't remember anything. He has no idea who I am.
"Do you know who either of us are?" asked Mandy.
"No, I'm sorry. I've never seen either of you in my life."
Sammy didn't even make it into the hallway before the tears started to roll.
"What was that about?" Tommy asked. "It's complicated. I'll go talk to her," said Mandy.
She found Sammy on the outside bench, weeping as if her heart would break, which it probably just had.
Mandy didn't know what to say to comfort her, so she just let her cry.
Sammy came back the next day, this time alone.
"Look, I've already said I don't know who you are!" he said sharply.
"I know you don't remember me. But I've brought some photos. Just tell me if any of them look familiar."
She lay the first photo on the bed. It was a shot of Fabri.
"This is your friend, Fabrizio diRossi. You met him when we sailed on Titanic."
"Fabrizio? He's Italian?"
"That's right. Here's him again with his wife Helga Dahl," she said, laying down a second photograph. "Is any of this looking familiar to you?"
He shook his head and Sammy's heart sank. She set down a third and final photo. It was her last, most desperate hope.
"This one's of you and me!" said Tommy in surprise. "So we do know one another? "
"Yes. We do," Sammy told him. But knowing facts and knowing memories are two different things.
She came back each day with more reminders of their past together. But the photos and letters didnt do anything.
Tommy was allowed to go home a week before Thanksgiving of that year. Sammy brought him to her small but cozy apartment. When he saw the double bed, he balked. "Where will I sleep?"
"This bed is for both of us, sweetheart. Before you were...before you got hurt, we slept here almost each night," Sammy explained.
"But we're not married!" Tommy said, clearly scandalized. "It would ruin both our reputations."
"Well then you take the bed and I'll go to the couch!" Sammy burst out. She turned to face the wall, trying not to cry.
"Stop. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. All this is just so new to me. I don't know how to process any of this," said Tommy. He hesitantly placed his hand on her arm. "I do want the bed. But you can take it if you want it."
Later that night he could hear her crying into her pillow. He rose and lay down with her without a word and held her as she wept. She didn't resist.
This poor girl musta loved me somethin' fierce. I wish I could remember her. I know the connection between us is there. I can feel it.
A few days later, Fabrizio had come over to reteach Tommy how to play checkers. As the Irishman took Fabri's king, he looked at him suddenly. "I know you."
"Si, I am Fabrizio. You know my name," the Italian said. "No," Tommy insisted. "I remember your face."
"What do you remember?" Sammy askted urgently. "I remember...a huge ship," said Tommy thoughtfully.
Sammy grew excited. "Black body, white topstripe, four orange funnels with black tops?"
"Yes. How did you know that?" asked Tommy.
"Because all three of us were on that ship. It was the Titanic, and it's how we met."
"What happened to the ship?" Tommy asked.
"It hit an iceberg and sank. We were lucky to get out alive," said Fabrizio sadly.
"Some people don't know the value of their lives until it's taken away from them," said Sammy.
Weeks passed, and Tommy still could not remember his life with her. "I want so badly to know Sammy, to remember the life she and I musta shared at some point. But I try and I try and I try and I just can't," he said to Fabrizio. "And it's hurting that poor girl so much and I hate that I can't make her happy the way I once did. She's a sweet girl, and I hate seein' her so miserable. What can I do?"
"Take her out to dinner. It may'a make her smile, or at least forget for a few hours," said Fabri, handing him some money.
So Tommy decided to surprise her. He tied a blindfold around her eyes. "Where are we going? I can't see anything," she said.
"Just a few more steps. Mind your step and voila!" he said, taking the blindfold off. They were at Katz's Deli. "You're taking a girl who you don't remember out on a date?"
"It isn't a date. But you needed a break from what's going on with me. "
They sat down and ordered some salads with egg creams. "I want to be the man ya love. I just need to know how," said Tommy.
"You haven't lost your romantic side, I see," said Sammy, cracking a smile. Tommy smiled, picking up a rose from the vase and handing it to her. He closed her fingers around the stem of the flower. "Like that?"
After dinner, the two estranged lovers went walking. "Do you ever resent me for not knowing you?" he asked suddenly.
"What? No, of course not! But it's difficult, knowing that the man I love has no freakin' clue who I am," she told him, looking more dejected than ever.
"Please don't swear. It isn't ladylike," Tommy insisted. "You never used to mind my swearing," said Sammy sadly. "In fact, I'm convinced that you even liked it."
"It may just be the amnesia talking but there is something strange about you, all right," said Tommy. Hesitantly, he took her hand. "You are so beautiful."
And then he was kissing her, with his hands running through her hair and up the small of her back and holy shit this is happening and there were fireworks and they were kissing.
This isn't right, Sammy thought. He has no memory of me.
"No!" she cried, wriggling free of his embrace. "I'm sorry, I can't."
"What is it? Have I said something?" asked Tommy, alarmed. "If you're going to kiss me, let it be out of love for the girl you know," she said. Without a word, Tommy walked her home.
The next day, Tommy was out grocery shopping, but Sammy suspected he'd wisely decided to avoid her as much as possible.
Mandy came over for a visit. She noticed that Sammy seemed sad. "What is it?"
"Tommy kissed me last night," Sammy explained. "And I didn't stop him."
The other woman's eyes went wide. "He remembered you? That's excellent!"
Sammy stared at the wall, lip quivering suspiciously. Bullet tears ran down her fair skinned cheeks.
"He still doesn't know me. He wants to remember me, Mandy. I know he does. But he can't, and it's eating him alive as much as it is me, if not more," she sobbed. She could literally feel her heart cracking in two, fibers snapping and all.
Mandy was troubled to see her friend so distressed. She sat her down and held her close. "You have had the kind of love many people would gladly die for. Not everybody can say that. Oh, you poor thing. You've spent so much time caring for others. Let us care for you."
As Sammy slept that night, she thought she heard whimpering. She went over to the couch, where Tommy was. "Tommy? Baby, what's wrong?" He was moaning in his sleep. He woke with a jolt. "Don't let me drown!" he yelled, wild eyed.
"Hey, hey, hey! Easy, it's only me. It's just me," said Sammy, rubbing his back to soothe him. "You must have had a nightmare. Tell me what happened."
Even though he didn't know who she was, Tommy cared for Sammy. She used a soft, gentle tone when she talked to him, filled with compassion and empathy.
He lay his head in her lap and began to tell her about his dream.
"There was the ship ya told me about, the Titanic. It was terrible. The ship was arse first in the air. There was a little girl, no more than five, floatin' facefirst in the water, dead. People were frozen and screamin'." He shuddered in fear. "I guess that means you're starting to remember," said Sammy quietly.
"Knowing what happened and actually seeing it are two different things," said Sammy, voice faltering. She got up but Tommy stopped her, his hand to her forearm. "Please don't go. We don't have do do anythin', not if you don't want to. I just don't want to be alone."
He looked like a scared little kid. She caressed his face gently, and her touch brought him comfort and peace. "Hush now, it's okay. I'm here. I won't let the shell shock get to you," said Sammy softly, concern for Tommy in her voice and eyes. In that moment, she let herself forget that he was practically a stranger to her and let him hug her. He didn't know why but it seemed natural, like he'd done it a thousand times before.
He felt a strong instinct to protect this girl from the evil of the world. She had treated him with nothing but respect since bringing him home. Instinctively, he wrapped his strong, warm arms around her, taking special care not to hurt her. She was so small, so fragile. He was afraid that if he touched her the wrong way, he'd break her.
"Why are ya doin' this?" Tommy asked.
"Doing what?"
"Bein' so kind to me."
Sammy took his hand and gently stroked it. "It's because I care for you. Before...before you got hurt, we were in love."
"I'm sorry. I know there's a connection between us. I just don't know what it is," Tommy confessed. "Hey, come on. You shouldn't blame yourself for something you've nothing to do with," Sammy pointed out.
They crawled between the sheets and just held one another. In the morning, he woke up first and looked at her. She is so kind and beautiful. How could I have forgotten her?
And then, his memories returned.
They were talking about books.
They were dancing together to John Ryan's Polka.
They were kissing on the bench in third class.
They were running to catch a lifeboat.
She was at his bedside aboard Carpathia, scared.
They were reunited at Ellis Island.
They were making sweet, passionate love for the first time.
They were saying a tearful goodbye at the train station.
Sammy stirred and woke. "Good morning."
"Sammy. Oh, my sweet Sammy," he whispered. "I remember everythin'." He kissed her, and it was a kiss of love and lust and loss.
I have my Tommy back.