Chapter 18 - Blinded and Reminded

The next day, Louis awoke rather late in the afternoon, and his first thought was that he shouldn't be a horrible animal and call Legosi. Part of the reason was that, the other was...He just wanted to. He sat up, grabbing his phone that was on the bed and dialing the Grey wolf, yawning as he raised the phone to his ear.

It barely rang once before the call was answered. "Hello! Louis!" The deer could hear his heavy breathing from the other end of the line and the desperation in his voice.

Louis blinked, adjusting his legs under the covers. "H-hey, Legosi..."

"Louis," the wolf sniffed very audibly. "Louis...are-are you okay?"

"I don't know...I feel lost..."

Legosi wasn't sure what to say. His head was spinning. Was this even real? "Wh-where are you? Are you back at Horns?"

"I'm safe, don't worry," the deer explained. His heart was pounding.

"Safe...good. Good, Louis. I'm glad you're safe, at least." Legosi whined, having lost his battle with his tears. "I...I will respect your...boundaries. But remember I'll always be there to protect you. I want to...I love you, Louis. I love you. I love you, I love you, I love...you..." He was nearly breaking down, now.

"L-Legosi..." the buck sniffed. "Calm down..." He could barely form whole sentences.

"I CAN'T!" Silence. Legosi's outburst had startled both of them.

"Please, Legosi..."

"D-don't...don't tell me to calm down," he whispered. "This...it's just like our fight back at Cherryton. I can't calm down...not when you're hurting and pushing me away..."

"I just...don't know what to do right now. I feel sick and confused. There's this heavy weight on me."

Legosi gulped. "I'm...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. I still want to help you...with that weight. With your sickness. I want to try and help."

"I don't know why I've been acting so stupid lately..."

"It's okay, Louis! You need help. Pina said...He said you'd try and get therapy. That can help!"

"And my father is going to pay for it..." Louis sighed. "I hope I never have to go back to a place like that."

Legosi was quiet for a moment. "O-Oguma?"

"Yeah. He came and visited me while I was there. Legosi..." He laid back on the bed, looking at the ceiling. "He does love me, after all."

"I...That's really good to hear, Louis!" A smile was clear in the wolf's voice, now. "I was always so afraid he was going to catch us and lock us up after shooting his ear."

The deer chuckled. "I probably would have shot his other ear at that point."

"Hey, then he could buy some fancy earrings!" Legosi allowed himself to giggle. "Maybe he saw that you matched now when he visited. B-because of your earring."

Louis smiled, lightly. "Haha, maybe. It was so good to finally get closure from him, honestly."

Legosi put the call on speakerphone and laid the phone next to him, imagining that his mate was there. "I bet. Maybe one day I'll be able to properly meet him." He could feel his muscles relaxing for the first time in a while. He brought a hand to trace over his scars.

Louis blinked. So they both knew. "I still don't forgive him. But...I'm glad we can start getting better."

"Y-yeah..." The wolf panicked a little, feeling the conversation slip away. "Louis...I love you."

"...I never said I didn't love you anymore."

"U-um...Pina told me you did. But...can you tell me yourself?"

Louis blinked again. "I...love you."

"...Thank you." There was a beat before Legosi spoke again. "Don't...don't be afraid that I'll leave you. Even if you are sick. Even if you have problems I can't understand or help with. I'll always be here for you." He looked up at the ceiling, considering his next words carefully. "Louis...tell me to stay."

The buck stared at the ceiling as well. "What?"

"I know that I will always wait for you...but right now you feel like you can't come back to me. If you're afraid that I'll leave somewhere before you're ready to come back...tell me to stay. Like the day at the park, remember? Tell me to stay...and you'll know that I'll always be here for when you're ready."

Louis sighed. "You need to hear it, don't you?"

Legosi was quiet for a moment. "I...want to know...that you want me to..."

"I never had any doubt you'd go far, to be honest."

"Tell me to stay," the wolf whispered.

"Legosi. Stay," Louis said, as quietly as he could.

On Legosi's end, Louis could hear the distinct sound of his heavy tail thumping loudly against the hardwood floor. "Thank you."

The deer couldn't help but smile. "What are you up to?"

"Um...Sebun-san has been taking care of me. She's...really really nice. I hope you can meet her properly at some point. And um...I've just been laying around watching TV, I guess. I went to work yesterday, but Mel-san sent me home early because I wasn't doing well..."

"...Yeah," was all Louis could muster about that. "I hope you saw my card."

"Of course I did. Thank you."

"I...I'm sorry I wasn't there to celebrate it with you. I really am. That's the day they released me."

"You getting out of that place was the only gift I needed," Legosi sighed. "All the animals at that hospital wanted me gone..."

"Yeah. You would have hugged me if you could, huh?"

"Yeah...and kissed you. You looked...so broken."

"I knew it. It was specism again. Pina was allowed to touch me."

"They actually tried to get rid of me when I first came in. They told me to wait outside but never called me back. I had to go back in again to actually see you..."

"Of course," Louis grunted in annoyance on the other side. "It's always something." Silence followed after that, but it wasn't awkward. They just listened to each other breathing.

Louis put the phone on speaker, setting it next to him. What was he doing? Why couldn't he just take the leap back into Legosi's life? Was he really that weak?

Eventually, the dog mumbled out some words. "I miss you."

Louis turned on his side, looking at the screen of his phone. "I know."

"I'm afraid...of when your scent leaves this room..."

"What?"

Legosi chuckled, humorlessly. "I-I think the one thing keeping me at least somewhat level headed is...your scent is still here. I haven't gone one day without smelling you since we started dating. I...I'm afraid of what will happen when it goes..."

"Even if it does, you know I'm not gone..."

Legosi turned into his pillow and muttered. "But you are gone..."

"...I know." He grabbed the pillow and hugged it to his chest. "I really screwed up a good thing, didn't I?"

"N-no, Louis! I'm staying...you can come back and we can pick up where we were. Even if you have these problems...you're going to get help. It'll be okay."

Another deep breath. "Yeah...Yeah."

Legosi continued to lay there. He didn't know what else to say, but he didn't want to hang up. He never wanted to hang up. Not until Louis was by his side again.

The deer sighed. "It was just a little freak out, that's all. I really thought what I was doing was the right thing..."

Legosi nodded, despite it being a telephone conversation. "It was a really big shock you received, so I understand."

"God, this is so stupid. Why am I such an idiot, sometimes?!"

"It's okay, Louis! It's okay..." The canine was unsure of what else he could say.

"I guess I just didn't want to be...work for you. And...by that point, there was no way we could pay for anything I needed, like therapy. And if this had never happened, then I wouldn't have made up with Oguma and...Huh." He blinked. "I don't know how to feel about that. I guess what I'm trying to say is that things had to get worse before they could get better. I mean...This was always going to happen, eventually, if I kept hiding how I was feeling inside from you. Which...I should have never done."

"Yeah...well now all there is is for you to get better." Legosi was trying his absolute hardest not to tell Louis to come back. He knew Louis had to make that decision himself. He didn't want to scare him.

"And...I will," the deer said. "It will take a while, but eventually I will."

"And I'll be waiting at our home," Legosi assured.

"Our home," Louis repeated. God, I'm such an idiot.

"...Louis...I think I've run out of things to say..."

"Did you ever really accept the breakup? Or have we still been together this whole time?" Louis asked, already knowing the answer.

Legosi held up his left hand, staring at the ring. "I know...you didn't mean it."

"...You didn't do anything...rash, did you?"

More silence from the wolf. "...Don't worry about me."

He sat up, quickly. "Legosi. Speak."

Legosi's breath hitched at the command. "I...I...I hurt myself," he squeaked out.

Louis felt his heart stop. He hung up, immediately thrusting himself out of his bed and going to his suitcase, pulling it up. I'm such an idiot, I'm such an idiot, I'm such an idiot! He rushed out into the halls, moving quickly with the bag behind him. The apartment was empty since he had slept late enough for Gosha to have gone to work.

The deer rushed out, sending Pina a message that he'd have to cancel their hangout that day. Out into the streets he went, knowing that it was his turn to save someone.