It took seven minutes to walk from the Conservatory to Baker Hall.
In those seven minutes, Tori found herself kissing Jade in front of three separate academic buildings, two freshman dorms, and a streetlight that kept blinking on and off.
She just couldn't stop herself. All she wanted was to bury her hands in Jade's hair and pull her close and taste her. The feeling was apparently mutual, just based on the way that Jade kept pausing every thirty seconds or so to kiss her, too.
She just honestly couldn't believe what was happening. She couldn't believe it when Jade was pulling out her phone and sending out a few quickly-typed texts while Tori put her bra back on. Still couldn't when Jade glanced over at her with a smirk and a glint in her eye that only served to make her want to say fuck it and just have her way with her on the practice room floor. And she certainly couldn't believe it when they finally reached Baker 217, Jade muttering obscenities her breath as she tried to unlock her door.
It only felt somewhat real, in fact, when they stumbled inside of Jade's room and Tori felt her shoulders slam against wood as Jade pushed her up against the door. She thought about asking where Jessica was, since it was clear that she wasn't in the room, but then Jade was kissing her again and she decided that it really didn't matter.
She felt Jade's thigh between her legs and Jade's hand on her ass and if she wasn't so determined to make Jade feel as good as she felt earlier, she was certain that she would have been able to get off just by grinding down against her. But she was determined to return the favor, and so when Jade pulled away to catch her breath, Tori took the opportunity to switch their positions. Jade let out a surprised oomf! when her shoulderblades slammed into the door, but before she had the chance to say anything else, Tori's lips were on hers again.
Tori didn't let the kiss deepen, though, because as her hands ran down Jade's sides, she became all too aware of the fact that they were both still fully clothed, which was simply unacceptable. Jade seemed to agree, because by the time Tori began to clutch at the lapels of her jacket, she had already started to shrug it off. It hit the floor with an audible thump, and Tori couldn't help but wonder if something that obviously expensive should really be on the floor, but then she realized how stupid of a thing that was to be thinking at a time like that and instead re-focused her efforts on helping Jade out of her shirt. The sheer purple top joined the jacket, and even though Jade had started to reach for her own shirt, Tori paused for a moment just to take in the sight of her in black lace.
"You are...unfairly beautiful," she breathed, and she heard Jade scoff.
"You want to bring up things that are unfair? Christ, Vega, have you taken a look at yourself lately?" Jade gripped the hem of her shirt and began lifting it up, forcing Tori to lift her arms up so that the garment could be pulled over her head. Jade flung it away before turning her gaze back towards her. Tori felt a surge of heat low in her stomach as her eyes raked up and down her torso slowly. "Christ. Talk about things that are unfair."
Tori wanted to say something, wanted to respond with something that wasn't just "fuck", but then Jade's eyes lifted to meet hers again, and they were dark. So incredibly dark. "Are you going to just stare at me, or are you going to help me out of this?" She accented her question with a tug on her own bra strap, her smirk growing.
Well, Tori didn't need to be asked twice.
She made sure Jade saw her grin before she surged forward again. Their lips collided, all teeth and tongue and as Tori reached around to work on the clasp of Jade's bra, she felt a pair of hands scrambling against her own back in an effort to do the same. Jade managed to get her bra unclasped within a few seconds-
(unfair, really, considering the whole "splint" thing, Tori thought)
-and had started to pull it off of her shoulders by the time Tori had managed to unclasp hers.
"You're falling behind, Vega," she heard Jade taunt. Then the bras were being discarded, Jade allowing Tori to pull the lace off of her before their lips met again and a familiar hand reached up to grope at her breast, Tori gasping into her mouth as fingers began to knead sensitive skin. "I think that-oh." Jade's head fell forward for just a moment as she took in the fact that Tori had followed her lead and cupped her breast. "Shit."
"Has anyone ever told you that you talk too much?" Tori asked, rolling Jade's nipple between her fingers before squeezing it gently. She pulled back just enough to see the glare being aimed at her, and she couldn't help but smirk before she pushed Jade back against the door again. She leaned forward and tilted her head so that she could begin to suck on the skin beneath her jaw as she continued to tweak and tug with her left hand.
"Gank," Jade muttered, but she let her head fall back against the door anyway, giving Tori unimpeded access to the expanse of her neck. Her hand continued to knead at Tori for another few moments before it dropped down to Tori's ass again, her other hand splayed palm-down against the door.
Tori smiled against her and started to pepper soft open-mouthed kisses against her neck, pausing only to graze her teeth against Jade's pulse point. She heard Jade hiss and felt the hand on her ass grip tighter, and she soothed the skin with her tongue before moving down to her collarbone.
She let her hand continue to knead Jade's left breast as her lips pressed against the slope of her right. She moved down slowly, taking her time to lavish attention on every inch of Jade's skin before her tongue darted out against an erect nipple. She heard Jade gasp and felt nails dig into her lower back as she let her mouth close over it.
"Fuck," Jade murmured, and Tori felt herself stumble forward an inch as Jade's other hand let go of the door completely so it could plunge into Tori's hair. "That's...fuck."
Tori felt a shiver course through her spine as fingernails scraped against the base of her skull, and she continued to gently suck while trying to ignore her own growing arousal. She tried to angle herself so that she was able to push her thigh between Jade's own; it took some maneuvering, but when she lifted her knee up, she felt Jade pressing against her, grinding desperately through denim.
"Vega," she heard Jade groan, but she just pressed harder and let her tongue circle her again. Then, a hand on her arm
(gripping)
had her stopping dead and she had to blink a few times to remind herself that she was safe; that she was exactly where she wanted to be and it was Jade who was touching her and-
"We should really take this to my bed," she heard Jade say, and she finally lifted her head up to look at the woman that she had pressed against the door.
"Huh?"
"My bed? You know, the nice, soft, comfortable thing over there?" Jade nodded towards the bed that was not decked out in bright pink. "Not that being shoved up against a door isn't nice and all..." She looked down at Tori and grinned. "And it is nice, trust me...but these doors aren't very thick and I don't need the entire hall to know that I'm being fucked senseless on the other side." She let go of Tori's arm and took her good hand in her own, removing it from her chest and squeezing it reassuringly. "Sound good to you?"
Their gaze met and Tori hoped that Jade couldn't see the fear in her eyes. "Yeah. Sure, whatever you want."
Jade's brow furrowed and Tori saw a flash of concern behind blue-green. "You okay?"
Tori forced a smile onto her face. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"
"Well, for starters, you're kinda killing my hand with how hard you're squeezing it."
Tori glanced down at their entwined hands and loosened her grip a moment later, her brain finally registering just how much force she had been exerting. "Oh. Sorry, I-"
"We don't have to do this, if you don't want to."
Her eyes flew back up to Jade's face. "What?"
"I'm not going to force you to have sex with me, Vega." Jade let go of her hand and stepped to the side, putting a few more inches between them. "So like...don't worry about that. We can just pretend that this didn't happen, and go get coffee or something, and-"
(No no no no no)
"Wait!" Tori exclaimed as she reached out for Jade's hand again. "That's not...that's not what I want at all. Please don't go."
She was all too aware of how desperate she sounded, and she knew she should have been embarrassed by it, but she wasn't because Jade was looking at her again and the only thing she could focus on was the way the other woman's eyes kept glancing at her lips before their gaze met. "Will you tell me what I did wrong, then?"
Guilt turned her stomach sour and she tried not to think about how Jake had asked her almost the exact same question days earlier. "You didn't do anything wrong. I just...got nervous." She gave a small half-shrug and a laugh that she hoped sounded nervous instead of panicked. "I'm not exactly experienced with doing...well."
"Me?" Jade finished for her, and Tori felt a genuine smile tugging at her lips. She nodded and looked at Jade again, relieved to find a familiar playful smirk on her face.
"Yeah."
"Well..." Jade paused, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth for only a second before her smirk turned into a genuine grin. "I promise that I'm not that difficult."
Tori's smile grew wider, and she wanted to say something; wanted to respond with something clever, but Jade was looking at her in a way that made all rational thought fly out the window.
They looked at each other for a moment longer, eyes questioning and longing and then they were both moving forward and kissing again. Jade's lips moved against hers slowly, almost hesitantly, and Tori let her eyes slide shut when she felt a hand come to rest on the nape of her neck, fingers gently scratching at the base of her skull and a tongue sliding smoothly along her bottom lip.
It was soft, and it was gentle, and it was so unlike the desperate kisses that they had exchanged previously that Tori almost questioned whether it was even real. But then she tasted the barest hint of coffee again and she became all-too-aware of the aching heat between her legs and she gripped Jade's hand tighter as she pulled away and opened her eyes. She watched Jade open hers as well and saw the questions in her gaze and on her lips and before she had a chance to ask any of them, Tori was tugging her towards the bed.
A flash of pain in her knuckle reminded her of the fact that she had impulsively taken Jade's hand with her injured one, but she didn't care because Jade was smiling at her and letting her pull them both onto the bed. They had to let go of each other to do so, since Jade had apparently elevated her bed a few inches higher than regulation, but after a few seconds of scrambling and climbing, Tori found herself with her knees on either side of Jade's hips.
"Wouldn't happen to have a hair tie, would you?" she joked, leaning down to kiss Jade again. A hand on her chest stopped her, though, and she pulled back quickly. "Uh.."
Jade held up her wrist, showing Tori the black hair tie that was wrapped around it. "I always come prepared." She took it off and held it out to Tori, who took it gratefully.
"I feel like I should be coming up with some kind of joke about you being prepared to come, but I'm kinda drawing a blank," Tori said as she reached up to gather her hair into a loose bun. "So just pretend that I came up with something...clever..." She paused, hands still twisting the hair tie around her hair as she took in the fact that Jade had reached out and taken both of her breasts in her hands. "Uh...can I help you?"
Jade grinned up at her. "Nah, I'm good."
"Oh?" Tori finished tying her hair up and leaned forward, biting back a gasp when Jade's fingers tweaked her nipples playfully. Her left hand came to rest on Jade's stomach, fingers tracing a path down, stopping just short of the belt around her waist. "There's nothing else that I could help you with?
"Well...I mean, if you're offering." It was obvious that Jade was trying to appear as nonchalant as she possibly could, but there was a slight strain to her voice and when Tori looked up at her, she could see anticipation in her gaze.
"Ask nicely, and I'll consider it," Tori said, and Jade groaned, letting her hands fall down to her sides. Tori fell forward only a few inches before she caught herself with her right hand, being careful to not press down too hard against the mattress.
"I don't beg, Vega."
"Sucks to be you, then." Her fingers traced the belt buckle, gently tugging the leather out of a single loop. "I was really looking forward to having my way with you."
Jade scoffed. "'Having your way with me', Jesus, you sound like you're straight out of some bad paperback that my mom would read."
"Oh, so now you're bringing up your mother while I'm literally shaking my tits in your face?"
Jade's nose wrinkled in disgust. "Ew, no, I...ugh." She reached down and placed a hand atop of Tori's, urging her to keep going. "Why are you literally the worst?"
"Why can't you just ask me nicely?"
They stared at each other, Tori with a smirk on her lips and Jade with a scowl on hers. Then, Jade groaned again and let go of her hand.
"I would really, really appreciate it if you would be so kind as to fuck me, Vega."
Tori rolled her eyes, but she pulled the belt out of another loop. "I guess that's one way of asking."
"It's the best you're going to get, so."
"Oh?" Another loop, and then all she had to do was unbuckle it and pull it out completely. She tossed it to the side and tried not to wince when she heard the metal clang against the floor. "Wanna bet?"
She was met with a cocked eyebrow. "What does the winner get?"
"Fucked again, I'd assume." Tori started fumbling with the button of Jade's jeans, the task made all the more difficult by the use of her non-dominant hand. She glanced down, gritting her teeth as she continued to struggle. "Oh come on."
Jade's hand came back to rest on hers and when she looked back up, Tori saw a mixture of amusement and concern in her eyes. Jade nodded her head towards the hand that Tori had propped herself up on. "You're right-handed."
"Yeah."
"You can't use your right hand."
"Not really."
"So uh...how do you plan on..."
Tori rolled her eyes again. "I'm pretty sure I can figure it out. I just...could maybe use some help with this button, because it apparently hates me."
Jade's eyes didn't leave hers. "Are you sure? Because like...as much as I'd love to know exactly how it feels to have you fuck me, I don't want you to like, hurt yourself or anything. I can wait."
Tori tried not to focus on the implications in her words; tried not to cling to the insinuation that there was the hope of a future. "I'll be fine."
Jade stared at her a moment longer, then shrugged and unbuttoned her jeans. "If you say so."
Tori glared at her, but started tugging down on the jeans anyway. She sat back on her heels so that Jade could lift her hips, and with a bit more struggling-
("I've never seen someone take so long to get a girl out of her pants before, Vega."
"Shut up, West.")
-she was able to throw the accursed garment at the foot of the bed.
Jade clapped slowly, and Tori turned to shoot her an absolutely menacing look. "Why," she asked, deadpan, and Jade shrugged.
"Thought you could use the encouragement."
Tori continued to glare at her, but Jade was grinning that sly grin of hers and it wasn't long before Tori was fighting off the smile that pulled at her own lips.
"You suck," she said before she leaned down and kissed her.
"Yeah, well..." Jade murmured against her. Tori felt a hand cupping her breast again, kneading in time to the tongue touching hers. "Sucking can be useful," she finished, nipping Tori's bottom lip and soothing it with a swipe of her tongue just as quickly.
"Mhm," Tori hummed. Her hand came to rest on Jade's stomach again, fingers feathering against her skin as they trailed downward. Her fingertips hit lace and she curled them beneath the band.
Bzzz. Bzzzz. Bzzzz.
"You have got to be fucking kidding me," Tori muttered, lifting her head a few inches at the feeling of her phone vibrating in the front pocket of her shorts. Jade chased after her, a hand reaching for the back of her head to pull her back down to her lips.
"Ignore it," Jade murmured, and Tori couldn't think of a reason to disagree when Jade's tongue was darting against hers.
After a few more rings, the buzzing stopped and Tori thought that would be the end of it.
Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz.
Jade was the one to pull back this time. "Vega, I swear to god, if you don't turn your phone off or something, I'm going to-"
Tori shook her head. "That's not mine."
"Fucking seriously?"
"Yeah."
"Christ." Jade waited for Tori to sit back again before she pushed herself up onto her elbows. "Literally no one ever calls me, who the fuck..."
"Nicole, probably," Tori said. She waved the phone she had pulled out of her own pocket, the missed call notification bright on the screen. "Where's your phone?"
"In my jeans. But like, it already stopped ringing, so..."
Bzzz. Bzzz.
"Son of a bitch."
"Think we should answer that?" Tori asked, and Jade shot her a withering look.
"No."
Bzz. Bzzzz.
"She's probably not going to let it go."
Jade groaned and fell back onto the bed, palms pressed tight against her temples. "Fine! Just make it stop!"
Tori reached for the jeans that they had discarded at the foot of the bed, rummaging through the front pockets for Jade's phone. She pulled it out and glanced at the screen before answering it.
"Hey Nic, what's up?"
"Jade! Hey, I...wait. Tori, is that you?"
"Yeah." Tori scooted back up so that her knees were on either side of Jade's hips again. Jade sat up and leaned in a little closer so that she could hear the conversation better. It wasn't hard, considering just how loud Nicole was.
"What the...why are you answering Jade's phone? And why the hell didn't you answer yours?"
"Never heard it ring," she lied. Jade shot her a look at that, but she just shrugged.
"So why are you answering hers? Where the hell is she, anyway?"
"In the bathroom." Jade's expression turned incredulous, and Tori had to bite back a laugh. "Is there something you needed?"
There was a moment of silence on the other end. Tori could practically picture Nicole's face as she thought through what she had just been told, and she knew it was way too much to ask for her roommate to actually just take her words at face value.
She could still hope, though.
"Just wanted to see if she knew where you were. You know. Since you've been ignoring my texts all night."
Tori glanced at her own phone, clicking it on with her injured hand to see a plethora of missed message notifications. "Oops. Sorry about that. My phone must be on the fritz or something. But don't worry, everything is-"
Her words faltered at the feeling of a pair of lips on her neck.
"Everything is what? Tori, what the hell is going on?"
Tori fought against the urge to let her eyes slide shut at the sensation of teeth on her pulse point and instead forced herself to focus. "Everything is fine! Sorry, I thought I saw a cockroach and got distracted."
"Uh huh." Nicole went silent for a second and Jade took that moment to bite down. It wasn't hard, and Tori was pretty sure it wouldn't even leave a mark, but a shudder ran down her spine all the same. "Anyway, what are you guys doing? I thought you were planning on coming home after rehearsal."
Jade's lips progressed downwards and when she felt a tongue dart out against her collarbone, Tori thought for sure she was going to lose it. As it was, she had to take a deep breath before she could answer. "We uh...shit." She glared down at Jade, who waggled her eyebrows at her before she kissed the slope of her breast again. "Sorry, it was a cockroach. We're just...hanging out?"
"Sure."
Lips moved down again, tongue circling and teasing and Tori bit her lip to hold in the moan that threatened to escape.
"Well, I guess I'll let you get back to...hanging out. Tell Jade I said hey, and that I'm pretty sure she owes me ten bucks."
Jade paused at that, her expression thoughtful for a long moment before she gave a little nod of acknowledgment, mostly to herself. Tori raised a questioning eyebrow that Jade promptly ignored in favor of swirling her tongue around her nipple again, causing Tori to bite her lip in a barely-successful attempt to keep herself from gasping. "Uh, yeah! I'll be sure to do that. Talk to you later, Nic!"
"Later, Tor. Make good choices."
The line went dead in her hand before she had the chance to answer. She stared at the phone for a moment before she turned her gaze to Jade, who promptly dissolved into laughter.
"A cockroach? That's the best you could come up with?"
"Well, excuse me for not being able to come up with something better! I was kinda distracted!" Tori slipped her phone back into her pocket and held out Jade's to her. "You should be impressed that I was able to think of a reason at all!"
Jade took her phone and stretched to place it on her desk before she turned back to Tori. "I would be more impressed if you had come up with something that didn't suck!"
Tori glared at her, but even as she tried to look angry, she couldn't help but feel some of the doubts that had been plaguing her start to lift.
She was literally straddling Jade West, topless, and they were still acting like everything was normal.
God, could they keep being normal?
(What if she leaves again)
"Hey," she heard Jade say, and she felt a hand on her jaw. "Where did you go?"
Tori blinked and leaned into Jade's palm, the heat of her skin against hers serving to ground her. She closed her eyes, savoring the moment. "Sorry. Got distracted for a second."
"By a cockroach?"
She opened her eyes and shot Jade a look. "Look, you try coming up with an excuse when you've got someone sucking on your neck."
Jade smirked, but Tori could still see a hint of worry in her eyes. "I was just trying to keep the mood going despite the technical difficulties and interruptions." She let her hand fall away from Tori's face. "Wouldn't want to leave you all 'high and dry', or anything."
"Oh?" Tori eyes darted down, taking in the sight of the bare woman beneath her before she met Jade's gaze again. She let her hand rest on Jade's hip, thumb drawing idle circles in her skin. "I wasn't aware that we were focusing on me right now."
"Yeah, well...oh." Jade's eyes went wide when she realized that Tori's hand had abruptly moved down to cover the front of her panties. The lace was rough against her stroking fingertips but she could feel the heat of Jade's arousal through the fabric, and it was exhilarating.
"Were you saying something?" Tori chided, accenting her words with a long stroke. Jade shot her a look, but Tori could tell that the ire in her gaze was just for show because behind it there was a longing that betrayed her desire. She placed her other hand on Jade's chest and pushed down gently, urging her shoulders back down onto the mattress. "Because if you had something to say, I'd love to hear it."
Jade took a deep breath and shot her a glare that was utterly lacking in intensity. "If you're waiting for me to ask you to fuck me again, Vega, you're gonna be disappointed."
Tori shrugged, and her fingers stopped their idle stroking. "I can live with disappointment, I guess."
Jade's gaze turned wild. "Vega. I swear to god."
Tori laughed and leaned down so that she could press her lips to the underside of Jade's jaw for the briefest of moments. "Just kidding."
She brought her hand up and slipped it underneath the band of Jade's panties, waiting for Jade to lift her hips just enough so that she could tug them down. Jade kicked them off, and then, before either woman really had much of a chance to think about it, Tori's hand was urging Jade's legs apart so that she could properly touch her.
"Holy shit," Jade said when Tori's fingers finally parted through her. "Jesus."
Tori wanted to respond, wanted to say something clever, but the capacity for rational thought flew out the window when she realized just how fucking wet Jade was. How aroused she was for her.
(She really, really hoped she wasn't going to screw it up)
She shifted so that she was better balanced on her right hand before she continued with long strokes, listening carefully for any changes in the soft moans and gasping coming from Jade as she explored. She circled Jade's clit, her thumb just barely grazing against the sensitive bud, and from the way Jade's eyes snapped shut and the single "fuck" that she heard, she assumed that she was doing something right.
She circled her clit again before deciding to dip her fingers a little lower, fingertips dancing near Jade's entrance.
"Jade?" she said, surprising herself with the fact that she was even able to speak at all. She waited for Jade to open her eyes, waited to see the storm raging again, before she slipped a finger inside of her.
"Fuck," Jade moaned, her eyes growing wide before they slammed shut again, and Tori felt a hand near the top of her spine, nails digging into her shoulders in a way that should have been painful but served only to send a shock of heat through her core. She almost faltered, but then remembered that she was definitely supposed to keep thrusting. She waited a few more moments before adding a second finger, slowing her pace just enough for Jade to get used to the change.
"Harder," she heard Jade gasp after a minute, and she grinned.
"Sorry, what did you say?"
She felt a leg hook around the back of her thighs, pulling her closer. Jade opened her eyes just long enough to glare at her before Tori curled her fingers ever-so-slightly inside of her, and then her head was falling back against the mattress again even as her nails dug deeper into Tori's skin as they raked down her back. Tori felt Jade's other hand on the back of her neck, searing hot even against her already-warm skin.
"Don't be a gank," she heard Jade mutter breathlessly before she pulled Tori down into a desperate kiss, all tongues and teeth and gasping breaths. It was all Tori could do to not fall completely forward, but she somehow managed to keep herself propped up, even though she could start to feel the strain she was putting on her fracture.
But fuck, who cared about a little pain when Jade West was slowly coming undone beneath her?
She acquiesced to Jade's demands and began to thrust harder and deeper, making sure to angle her wrist in just the right way so that her palm brushed against her clit with every thrust. The position was unfamiliar, and it made her wrist ache, but there were obscenities pouring out of Jade's lips and into her mouth as her hips bucked up in order to meet Tori's thrusts.
Tori pulled away from her lips and leaned down so that she could press open-mouthed kisses against her neck, biting down gently right above her collarbone. She heard Jade gasp, felt nails rake down either side of her spine.
"Fuck, Tori!"
Tori felt another spark of heat low in her stomach when she heard Jade moan her name, but she tried to ignore it because-
(because it's her?)
-because when she curled her fingers again and pressed just a little harder against Jade's clit, she heard the breath hitch in Jade's throat and felt her walls tighten around her fingers and then-
And then Jade's back was arching off of the mattress as she came.
A stream of curses accented with Tori's name poured from Jade's lips for a few seconds as Tori continued to slowly move in and out of her, tapering off into silent gasps as a tremor coursed through her. Tori hoped that that was a good sign-
(she hoped a lot of things)
-and kept up her gentle thrusts until she felt a hand on her wrist.
"No more," Jade said breathlessly. "Too much."
Tori immediately stopped, withdrawing her hand slowly. "Shit, I'm..."
Jade shook her head and held up a finger. "Don't...fuck." She bit her lip as another tremor ran through her. "Don't apologize. Just too sensitive right now."
"Oh." Tori tried to sit back to give Jade some space, but Jade shook her head again and pulled Tori down so that she could kiss her again.
"Did you used to fool around with Cat, too, or was that just natural talent?" Jade asked in between kisses, and Tori couldn't help but laugh.
"Was that a compliment?"
She could practically feel Jade roll her eyes. "Shut up."
They stayed like that for a few more minutes, bodies flush against each other as their kisses grew lazier. Eventually, they rolled so that Tori was half-on the mattress and half-on Jade, her head tucked against her chest.
"Was I really okay?" Tori asked, her voice hardly above a whisper.
Jade lifted her head just enough so that Tori could see her incredulous expression. "Doubting my compliment?"
"Well, to be fair, after years of not really knowing when you're being serious or when you're being...well..."
"A gank?"
Tori gave her an apologetic look. "Maybe?" She sighed and looked back down. "I dunno."
"Tori." Fingers curled under her jaw, tilting her head up gently so that their eyes met again and she could see the seriousness in Jade's gaze. "You just made me come so hard that for like, a solid fifteen seconds, I was pretty sure I was gonna go blind."
Tori stared at her as her words processed. Then, she saw the smirk pulling at the corner of Jade's lips and felt a smile growing on her own face, and they both began to laugh.
The laughter continued for a few moments, with both women finding something new to laugh at whenever the giggles started to subside. But then Tori felt a hand on her hip and saw the look in Jade's eyes shift into something that was becoming increasingly familiar, and the laughter finally died away as their lips met again.
(dragging and dragging and dragging and Jade? Jade, no, not her, anyone but her)
She awoke with a gasp, her right hand clutched over her heart. Pain radiated through her hand but she hardly noticed it because everything was dark and she didn't know where she was and fuck where the fuck was-
She felt something move next to her, and a new wave of fear crashed over her. She had to get out of there, she had to leave, had to run.
It wasn't until she was rolling off of the bed and almost toppling to the ground that she saw a pair of scissors on the desk and she remembered where she was.
Jade's room. She was in Baker.
Why was she in Baker?
A sigh from the bed, and she froze as fragmented memories of the night flooded into her.
Oh.
Oh Christ.
She was reaching for her clothes before she let herself process anything else. It was too much.
God, it was all too much.
"Leaving so soon?"
Tori froze, precariously balanced on one leg, the other half-shoved into her shorts. "I-"
(run)
"I didn't really expect you to be the type to just fuck 'em and leave 'em, you know."
There was the hint of a joke in Jade's voice, but something else, too. Something deeper and angry and Tori was thankful for the darkness because she was terrified of the expression she knew to be written on Jade's face.
"It's not...It's not like that."
"Oh?" Jade sat up completely and reached over for the lamp on her desk, clicking it on. Too-bright light flooded into the room and Tori felt more exposed than she ever had before. She quickly covered her chest and turned her head away from the light and Jade was speaking again.
(go go go)
"Then maybe you could explain what it is. Because it sure as hell looks like you were about to run out on me again."
"I...I..."
She tried to come up with the right words but nothing would come. Her stomach twisted with a combination of fear and guilt and her heart wouldn't stop its rabbit-fast beating, why wouldn't it just stop, and-
"Vega?"
There was a hand on her shoulder and she tried not to flinch but knew that she had anyway because the hand was gone just as quickly as it had appeared.
"Vega, hey, what's-" Jade moved so that she was standing in front of her. She bent down a few inches so that she could look at her face, even though Tori refused to make eye contact with her. "What's wrong?"
Everything was too hot. Or too cold. She wasn't sure, but it was too much, way too much, and she needed to get away, why didn't she get that? Didn't she understand that she needed to run?
"Tori, can you even hear me?"
She knew she needed to say yes, or nod, or do something but the her brain was filled with static and the world was closing in and for fuck's sake, why couldn't she just speak?
"I'm going to get a chair, okay? I think that you should probably sit down."
She heard Jade pull out the desk chair and a moment later she felt herself sinking down into it. She was dimly aware of Jade crouching down next to her, a hand on the back of the chair to balance herself as she looked into Tori's face again.
"Not even sure if you can hear me, honestly, but if you can, I want you to try and follow along with me, okay? Deep breath in." Jade inhaled and held it for a few seconds. Tori tried, but her breath was shaky and she couldn't hold it in. "Deep breath out."
Jade exhaled slowly. Tori took another shallow breath.
"And again. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Use your diaphragm, just like we were taught, okay?"
Tori took in another shaky breath, surprised to find that she was able to hold it for a few seconds this time.
"Remember those stupid scales that they made us run through before we did anything in our vocal classes? We're gonna go basic and do do re mi. I'll lead. Feel free to chime in whenever, okay?"
Tori almost laughed at the thought of Jade willingly running through scales, but then she heard a low "doe, a deer" and realized that she was being serious.
"Ray. A drop of golden sun."An increase in octave, and Tori felt a skip in her heartbeat. Slower. Somehow slower.
"Me, a name I call myself," Jade continued, her voice rising again, and Tori breathed in again, actually able to feel the air in her lungs this time. She heard Jade pause, saw her eyes dart up to check her face again, and then she exhaled, long and slow.
"Far, a long, long way-"
"To...to run," Tori finished, her voice breaking and not quite on key but still there. "To run." She crossed her arms across her chest and hunched over a bit as she took another deep breath, her shoulders shaking when she exhaled. "Fuck."
"Do...should I keep going?" Jade asked, and Tori shook her head. "Okay. Cool. I forget what comes after so, anyway."
"La."
"Pardon?"
Tori hugged herself tighter and took another shuddering breath. "La. It's a note to follow sew."
"Oh. Right." Silence for a moment. Then: "Tori, what the fuck is going on with you?"
Tori gave a little half-shrug and tried to hide the shiver that ran through her. "Good question."
"I've literally seen you have two...what, panic attacks? Maybe? Just today. That's not even touching the one I saw you have on Saturday."
(red everything red and a hand on her arm and)
"Tori?" A snapping of fingers, and Tori blinked again and the red was replaced with light. "Hey, come back to me, okay?"
She nodded and gripped her elbows tighter. "Sorry."
"If I touch you, are you going to freak out again?"
(gripping gripping gripping)
Another shiver, but she shook her head. "Don't think so. Just..."
"Just what?"
She bit her lip and closed her eyes and tried not to think about Pat's face or the way Jade's eyes were glazed over or the fact that she was certain that she had gone completely and utterly insane. "Not my arm. Please."
A moment passed, a moment of tense muscles and gritted teeth and then she felt a tender hand cupping the side of her face and she burst into tears.
"Fuck," she thought she heard Jade say, and then she was reaching out and trying to find her because she needed to feel her, needed to know that she was real and there and when she felt arms wrap around her shoulders she couldn't stop herself from sobbing.
"Jade," she gasped into her shoulder. "Oh my god, Jade, I-"
"I'm here," Jade whispered back. A hand on her back rubbing gentle circles. "I'm here, okay?"
Tori pulled her closer, realizing too late that she would fall out of the chair if she did. She crumpled to the floor, but Jade was there to catch her and Tori let her because fuck, what else was she supposed to do?
"I'm so sorry," she said through her tears. "I'm so, so fucking sorry, I don't...I wasn't running out on you, please don't think-" Her voice caught in her throat, and she let out another shuddering breath. "Fuck, I wasn't, I swear."
"Then...then what were you doing?" Jade asked, and Tori felt her heart break a little bit more.
"I didn't..." She paused, trying to formulate her thoughts into anything other than the swirling mess that they were in her mind. More tears, another sob, and her hand scrambled against Jade's back as she tried to ground herself against the feel of her skin. "I had a nightmare."
"A nightmare?"
(dragging)
Tori shivered and nodded. "Yeah. I...I have them a lot."
"The same one?"
(Greasy hair and a greasy smile and dark eyes so dark)
"Variations on a theme, usually."
Jade pulled back just far enough to give her a quizzical look. "What theme?"
(You you you)
Tori turned her head away. "I-"
"At the creek. You said some things, some strange things. About me, about Pat. They related to that, at all?"
Tori nodded again, and she heard Jade let out a heavy breath.
"Shit." Jade shifted so that she could hold Tori a little closer. "Don't take this the wrong way or anything, but like...I'm pretty sure you need therapy, dude."
Tori laughed bitterly and tucked her head against Jade's chest. "Oh, absolutely. But like, that's a bit of the pot calling the kettle black, isn't it?"
"Probably." A pause. "What did he say to you, that day?"
(Looks like I get a second chance looks like I get a)
"I don't-"
"He threatened you?"
Tori nodded. "Yeah. And you." The lump in her throat grew. "God, he threatened you."
"Can I ask what he actually said?"
Tori shook her head, almost frantic. "I...I'm not repeating it. It was...shit." She took a breath and held it for a few seconds before continuing. "Sorry, it just...he said such foul, evil things, and I just..."
"Okay. You don't have to."
They were both silent for a moment, and Tori tried to calm down. Tried to get the tears from falling, tried to make her heart stop beating so fucking fast, tried and tried and tried.
"How long has this been going on, anyway?"
"Hmm?"
"The nightmares. The panic attacks. How long have you been having them?"
Tori took a moment to think back; back to all the sleepless nights and the startled wakings and the very thought made her exhausted. "The nightmares have been there since the beginning. Since November, at least. The panic attacks...or whatever the fuck they are, those are new. The one on Saturday was the first."
"You've been having nightmares since fucking November and you didn't think to go, oh, I don't know, talk to someone?"
Tori lifted her head so that she could shoot Jade an accusatory look. "Again. Pot, meet kettle."
Jade returned the same look. "We're not talking about me, Vega."
Tori felt a small spark of anger bloom in her chest. "But we are. Don't you get that? All of this- all of the nightmares and everything else- it's always been about you. You were the one who almost had horrific things happen to you that night, and if I hadn't...god, Jade, I saw you at that party, and my first reaction was, "well, fuck, why is she here?" What if I had...what I had turned away, then? What if I hadn't paid attention, and just decided to ignore you, like you had been doing to me for months? What then?" She searched for any sort of reaction in Jade's gaze, her shoulders sagging when she didn't find one. "What then?"
Jade considered her for another moment, her embrace loosening just slightly. "But that's not what happened. At all. Because you're a better person than I am."
"No, I'm-"
"You stepped in and saved me, even though I had been absolutely horrible to you. I don't know if I would have done the same thing. Not then." Jade finally broke their gaze, her eyes darting away from Tori's. Her arms dropped away from her completely, and she scooted back a few inches in order to put the barest amount of distance between them."So yeah, you are. And if you're feeling like, guilty, or whatever, that's stupid because if anyone here should be feeling guilty, it should definitely be me. For what I did to you, and for apparently causing you all of this...just this...and for kissing you, and for everything after, because you were obviously not in the mental state to do any of that, and I shouldn't have forced you to-"
"Shut up," Tori interrupted. To her surprise, Jade complied, though Tori could see her jaw set and she knew that there was a lot more that she would have said.
(She wasn't sure she ever wanted to know what those words would have been)
"There's...there's a lot of things that we probably shouldn't have done. To each other, in general, whatever. But you didn't force me to do a damn thing, and as far as I know, I haven't forced you either, so unless you're about to have a thinly veiled gay crisis or something like that, just...just shut up."
Jade looked back at her, and Tori felt a flash of fear run through her at the unreadable expression on her face. "You weren't actually going to run out on me?"
Tori shook her head. "Not intentionally, at least."
Jade looked away. "I thought...fuck." She laughed, shaking her head. "I thought that you had decided that you made a mistake, or something. That you weren't going to speak to me again, because I had misread the situation, or did something wrong, or..." She crossed her arms across her chest, almost protectively, and Tori felt an aching deep within her own chest. "I've spent months trying to make things right between us, and I thought I threw that away just because I couldn't keep myself from touching you."
(Well fuck)
Tori reached out and laid a hesitant hand on Jade's shoulder. "I think you're missing a vital aspect of things."
Jade didn't move. "Oh? What would that be?"
"I came on to you. Not the other way around."
Jade looked up at that, eyebrows arched. "I'd say there was an equal division of responsibility there."
Tori shrugged. "It probably doesn't matter." She gripped Jade's shoulder a little tighter before letting go completely, her own arms crossing her chest. "Do you...do you regret it?"
Jade shook her head quickly. "No. Do you?"
Tori shook her head. "I don't. I mean, I'm still kinda surprised by the fact that it happened at all, but..."
Jade laughed. "Yeah, that was...somewhat unexpected."
Tori laughed too, but after a moment the laughter stopped and they were back to sitting in uncomfortable silence. Tori took the opportunity to wipe away the tears on her cheeks, while Jade just continued to sit there, her expression pensive.
"Feeling any better?" she finally asked, and Tori nodded.
"Yeah."
"Do you...ugh." Jade leaned back against the desk chair, rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands. "Look, we've been sitting naked on my floor for a while, and it's really fucking late, and I'd really like to go back to sleep, so...are you going to come back to bed, or do you want to go back to Sawyer?"
A small grin tugged at Tori's lips when she looked up at Jade, who, she realized, was blushing. "Are you asking me to come to bed with you, West?"
"For fuck's sake, Vega, we already were in bed with each other. You know, after we fucked? That thing that happened?"
It was Tori's turn to blush as the memories of exactly what they did to each other flooded back into her mind. Memories of Jade gasping against her, of teeth leaving imprints in skin. "Yeah, but we kinda just,..passed out without really talking about the whole..."
"Vega are you coming to bed or not?"
"Only if you let me be the big spoon."
Jade rolled her eyes, but started to rise. She held out a hand and waited for Tori to take it. "I don't cuddle."
"It's a twin XL bed. I don't think you get much of a choice." Tori let Jade help her to her feet, but didn't let go of her hand. "Besides, you're full of shit."
"Am not! Ugh, why are you such a pain?"
"Because you're cute when you're frustrated." Tori let her fingers interlock with hers, squeezing gently. "Hey, Jade?"
"Yeah?"
Tori waited for her to look at her before continuing. "Thank you. For uh...well, just, thank you."
Jade glanced down at their hands, then back up at her. "Didn't really do anything for you to be thanking me for."
"Yeah you did." Tori leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek before pulling back and nodding towards the bed. "Ready for bed?"
"Thought you'd never ask."
"Hey, I meant to ask earlier, but why exactly do you owe Nic ten bucks?"
"Don't worry about it."
"But-"
"Just go to sleep, Vega."
She didn't have any more dreams that night.
And when she woke up a few hours later to roll over, their hands were still intertwined.