It was January and Urbana Des Moines was sitting in the living room with the rest of the family as Gomez and Morticia stood before them. They had called for a family meeting. Morticia was fingering her necklace that she made from Audrey's corpse.
"Thank you all for coming," Gomez said.
"What did you want to discuss," Grandmama asked.
"It's about our room rentals," Morticia said, "Even though Urbana has been living with us for over a year now and even though we spend advertisement on what we're providing we still haven't had any luck getting new tenants."
"So, we've decided to add something new to the advertisements. What do you guys think of us becoming a small bed and breakfast place," Gomez said.
"Will we still be renting out rooms?" Wednesday asked.
"We will," Morticia answered, "We decided to do the bed and breakfast so that people could test run living here if they still don't feel sure about it."
"That sounds like a solid plan," Urbana said then asked, "Have you already put out advertisements for it?"
"No, not yet," Gomez said, "We wanted to make sure everyone else were on the same page and that you were all okay with it."
Everyone nodded their heads, and everyone was fine with the bed and breakfast plan.
"Is that it," Fester asked.
"We have one more announcement," Morticia said, "By the end of this month we'll be leaving on vacation to Hotel Transylvania in Romania, Transylvania."
"Oh, that's fantastic," Grandmama said, "We haven't been there since you were pregnant with Wednesday."
"Yes," Gomez said, "We thought it'd be something for the kids since once the baby is born, we won't have the same time with them as we do now."
"This is so exciting," Pugsley said.
"I remember our last vacation was going to Oregon and staying in a town called Gravity Falls," Wednesday questioned.
"You remember right," Fester said.
"Well, I'll make sure to hold down the fort while you all are gone," Urbana said.
"Oh, don't be silly, Urbana," Gomez said, "Of course you're coming with us."
Urbana wanted to fight them on that, cause she really does think that she shouldn't intrude on a family vacation, but she knew that they would just argue with her back and then she'd end up going anyways.
"Okay," Urbana said.
Someone was knocking on the front door and Urbana got up on her good foot using her crutches and she said she'd go get it since she ordered a new set of water paints online.
When Urbana opened the door, she was met with an older man with silver white hair that was pulled back into a low ponytail and a matching silver goatee. He was wearing heavy black eyeliner and had on a fancy black suit with a gray dress shirt and a red bolo tie and a red silk handkerchief in his breast pocket.
"Hello," Urbana said, thinking he's a relative to the Addams family, "Who are you here to see?"
He gave her a slimy smile and said, "You must be Urbana. I've heard so much about you."
"I get that a lot," Urbana said as she stuck out her hand for him to shake, "And you are?"
Extending his hand to her he said, "I'm Vlad Masters."
Urbana, in a panic, immediately pulled back and slammed the door in front of him. Then she hobbled back to the living room as fast as she could.
"Guys, we have a problem," she told them.
Fester was pointing behind her and everyone was looking behind her with shock. Turning around she saw a man in a white suit and cape with black pointy hair and sharp fangs and blood red eyes.
"That wasn't very nice," Vlad said with a smirk.
Thing threw a sword at Gomez from the fireplace mantle and Gomez caught the sword and stood between Vlad and Urbana.
"You're not welcome here, Vlad," Gomez said as he pointed his sword in Vlad's face.
Morticia put her hands on Urbana's shoulders and pulled her back while everyone gathered around her.
He laughed then said, "Gomez. I haven't seen you in a while. How's your little sister, oh wait, she's an ugly man now."
Gomez tried, and failed, to slash Vlad with his sword. Then Vlad possessed Gomez. Gomez's eyes glowed an unnatural red and he had on his slimy smile.
"Get out of my son-in-law you ghost bastard," Grandmama said.
"Now, now. No need to get so upset," Vlad said through Gomez, "I'm just here for the girl."
"Like we're going to do that," Wednesday say defiantly.
"How about a trade then," Vlad said through Gomez as he placed the sword tip to his throat, "His life for the girl? Is that fair?"
The stalemate was thick enough to be cut like cheese. In a panic Urbana said Beetlejuice three times. The dead man himself appeared beside them wearing a Marilyn Monroe cosplay. He looked like he was in the middle of a photo shoot.
"Uh, Urbana," he asked.
Urbana frantically pointed at the possessed Gomez and said, "Help him. Help him. Help him."
Without another word Beetlejuice dived into Gomez's body and for a minute Gomez flailed around like two people were throwing punches inside him. Finally, Vlad flew out of Gomez and landed hard on his back.
Beetlejuice got out of Gomez and said, "You okay, Flesh Bag?"
"That was exhilarating," Gomez said, breathing heavily.
Morticia ran up to hug him on the floor.
"Really," Vlad said as he got back up on his feet, "Why are you helping them. We should work together."
"I'm going to stop you right there," Beetlejuice said, "I know numb-nuts like you, and I'll tell you right now that I have no interest in whatever nefarious and stupid plans you have. But listen. I'll make you a deal."
"Beetlejuice?" Urbana questioned.
"I'll join your ridiculous little team or group or whatever you're doing, for shits and giggles, if you can possess my little home girl here," Beetlejuice said as he pointed at Urbana.
Vlad looked at Urbana hungrily. Then he said to Beetlejuice, "Okay. I could use someone as old and powerful as you on my side."
Vlad then flew straight for Urbana. Everyone but Beetlejuice tried to stop him, but he managed to possess her. Urbana felt her whole body burning up and she felt like she was going to throw up. Urbana screamed but it wasn't her voice that came out. When she threw up, Vlad came out of her mouth, covered in a golden mucus and he looked burnt up like someone threw him into a furnace.
Beetlejuice then picked him up and threw him out of the closest window and they all listen to him make the whistling sound affect then a light boom as Beetlejuice watched Vlad fall from where he threw him.
"Man, what an asshole. Am I right?" Beetlejuice said.
Golden mucus still dribbling down her chin Urbana grabbed Beetlejuice by his dress straps and said, "Why don't you tell me these things that you know I can do!"
Urbana shook him so hard that his head fell off his shoulders.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Beetlejuice said, "I just forgot."
"What else are you forgetting," Urbana said then she burped and felt sick.
"Okay. Okay. Give me a second to think," Beetlejuice said, "I need to get my head on straight."
Pugsley and Wednesday helped Urbana sit down on the couch while Grandmama picked up and helped him screw his head back on.
"Alright. You already know about having energy that you can give to ghosts and you already know that you can concentrate your energy into being like a burning fire when you are mad at ghosts and you know that you can look into the souls of demons. Is that everything," Beetlejuice asked her.
"That sounds like everything" Fester said.
"Okay so what just happened is that you are un-possessable," Beetlejuice said, "No ghost, or any other undead thing, is capable of possessing you without them burning inside of you."
"Glad we cleared that up," Urbana said as she took Gomez's handkerchief and wiped her chin and mouth, "Anything else?"
"I… Remember… That ghosts aren't the only dead people you can talk to," Beetlejuice said.
"Oh, that's neat," Pugsley said, "What other dead can she talk to normally?"
"Like zombies, and skeletons, and liches, and wrights. Just to name a few," Beetlejuice said.
"Okay. Anything else," Urbana asked him.
"No. I'm pretty sure that's all I know," Beetlejuice said, "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go back to my photo shoot then I'll come back. One of you is related to some ghost hunters, right? You guys should call them."
Then he disappeared.
Morticia got out her phone and rang up her sister to tell her what happened, and it wasn't long till Urbana got a call from Danny and Jazz.
"We overheard from Mom and Aunt Morticia's phone call," Jazz said, "Are you alright."
"Did you steal Danny's phone again," Urbana asked her.
Urbana heard a scuffle then Danny said, "Did he hurt you?"
"I mean, yah, but also, I think he got hurt more than me when he possessed me," Urbana told him.
"He possessed you! Alright, I'm flying over there," Danny said.
In the background Urbana was sure she heard Jazz tell her Uncle Red to catch him before he ran off. Then there was the unmistakable sound of the phone being dropped on a hard surface. There was a minute of silence.
"Hey, Urbana," Hellboy said over Danny's phone.
"Hello, Uncle Red," Urbana said. Then Wednesday and Pugsley yelled their hellos to Hellboy while she was still on the phone.
"You heard them, Hellboy," Urbana asked him.
"Loud and clear," Hellboy said and he asked her to tell them his hello back to them. Then he said, "I'll make sure knucklehead here calms down. We'll call you and Morticia back when we have a plan ready for yah."
"Sounds good," Urbana said, "Tell Abe and Liz I said hi."
"Will do," Hellboy said before he hung up.
It wasn't long before Beetlejuice came back wearing his usual style and he said, "Hey, so I told Lydia and her parents about what happened, so they'll be coming over soon."
"Is that such a good idea? What about Lydia's safety?" Fester asked.
Beetlejuice waved away his concern and said, "It's fine. It's fine. Lydia's only able to see ghosts, she's not able to give or take energy or anything like Urbana can do."
"How long do you think Vlad has been planning on coming here," Pugsley asked.
"I don't know," Urbana answered, "But Skulker has worked for Vlad before. I'm sure he told him about me after he healed up from that beating I gave him."
Beetlejuice laughed at the memory of Urbana telling him about that day.
About twenty minutes later the Deetz's and the Maitland's were at the mansion. It was the Addams family and Urbana's first time meeting Lydia's parents. Officially at least. Urbana has seen them whenever they come over to pick up their daughter from hanging out with Wednesday or practicing her craft with Urbana. They've never stayed long enough to talk over tea or coffee.
Charles Deetz looked like a living example of a stock photo of a businessman. He had on a nice brown suit, not as expensive looking as Gomez's, but it was certainly fit for board meetings and discussing company budgets in. Urbana could tell that he also took good care of himself by his hands; they looked moisturized and the nails were clean and manicured, something Gomez doesn't bother himself with. Gomez prides himself on how rough his hands look considering all of the sword practicing he does.
Delia Deetz looked like a woman who enjoys the many colors of life with the way she was dressed like how Americans stereotype Gypsy fashion. She had on two different colored shoes and shoe types, the skirt was long with many types of swirling colors in it, she had on a long sleeved white shirt with yellow threading, a purple scarf was used as a head band to keep her blond hair back and she was wearing several types of earrings. She was certainly Morticia's wardrobe opposite. Urbana could tell she also took pride in keeping her hands looking good by her long fake nails that were painted like the rainbow. Like her husband, Morticia wasn't much for the manicure life, she kept her hands clean, but she also took a kind of pride in having green stains covering her hands and/or having bits of dirt stuck under her nails.
"We came as soon as we could," Delia said, "Sorry we took so long."
"Nonsense, Dear," Grandmama said, "We appreciate you being here at all."
Lydia went up to Wednesday and the two girls started talking. Mr. and Mrs. Deetz started talking with Mr. and Mrs. Addams and Urbana talked with Mr. and Mrs. Maitland, and Fester, Lurch, and Grandmama went off to do their own things around the mansion.
"So. I'm confused," Urbana told Barbara, "Do they know Lydia can see ghosts? Did Beetlejuice just show up and say hi or whatever?"
"Yep. You've summed that up pretty nicely," Adam said.
Then Adam and Barbara told her about how they died and the Deetz bought the home they use to live in when they were alive and they didn't like all the changes that were happening to their house and Lydia, who was at the time getting use to Delia as her new mother, didn't like the changes either so they teamed up, but then they didn't have the power to really scare them with how the Maitland's are like. Then Lydia found an unsummoned Beetlejuice hanging out in a graveyard and together the four of them made Mr. and Mrs. Deetz life miserable. The six of them worked it out in the end by talking with each other.
"And then you all moved here?" Urbana asked, "Why?"
"New scenery," Adam said.
"But also, because Charles got a promotion and he was told to move here," Barbara added.
"And also, because Lydia was getting severely bullied at her all girl school that she was going to," Adam whispered, "Wednesday, Bertha, and Prudence are her first living friends since Delia married Charles."
"Boy, do I know that feeling," Urbana said in a whisper.
Pugsley came up to Urbana and pressed his forehead into her back and said, "I'm bored."
"Hello Bored. I'm Urbana," she said, "How are you?"
Adam chuckled, while Barbara rolled her eyes.
"I want to play with Lydia and Wednesday, but they don't want to do anything with me," Pugsley said.
"My, what a predicament," Urbana said, "Have you asked Beetlejuice?"
"He said he can't because he's on guard duty," Pugsley said.
"No you're not," Urbana yelled at Beetlejuice.
Beetlejuice was floating close by and was wearing a dark gray jacket with light grey dress pants and a white collar shirt and the gray hat on his head had the word GUIDE barely crossed out with shitty permanent marker and written on the leftover space above the word, was the word GUARD.
"Uh, yes I am," Beetlejuice said.
"What the heck are you even guarding," Urbana asked him.
Hands pressed together like he was praying, Beetlejuice took a deep breath then said, "Girl. You dense mother fucker. I'm guarding you. From now on until we have that Vlad guy under wraps and other things, I'm not leaving your side."
"Oh, that's going to get very boring for you," Urbana told him.
Shrugging he said, "Eh, the things you sacrifice for the people you care about."
Barbara and Adam awed at his answer.
"He's so nice to you and Lydia," Barbara said, and Adam agreed.
"Oh, shut up you two," Beetlejuice said, sounding like an embarrassed teenager in front of his parents.
Pugsley sighed loudly as he pulled on Urbana's shirt. Urbana staggered on her crutches.
"How about we all play poker," Urbana said, "Assuming you two can hold cards."
"We have the energy capacity to hold small things like cards," Adam told her.
"Sounds good," Beetlejuice said, "I didn't know you still know how to play, Urbana."
"I probably need a bit of a refresher," she said, "I haven't played since you last taught me and played."
Pugsley ran off to get a stack of cards while the adults settled around the living room coffee table. After Pugsley came back with the deck of cards Beetlejuice went over the rules of poker with everyone and since no one had any money on them it was a free-for-all betting system. Pugsley bet his old toys, the Maitland's bet different types of tasks they can do, Beetlejuice bet the clothes off his back and Urbana decided to do the same thing.
By the end of their game Urbana had all of Pugsley's toys, the Maitland's were her cleaning staff for the week, and Beetlejuice was in nothing but his spider themed boxers and GUARD hat.
"God damn it," Beetlejuice cried out as he threw his cards on the coffee table, "Now I remember why I taught you how to gamble in the first place."
Urbana could only laugh as she gathered her winnings.
"What are you going to do with my old stuff," Pugsley ask her, kind of concerned.
"I'll just put them in a pile and do a still-life painting of them," Urbana told him.
"Oh, cool," Pugsley said.
Urbana's phone started to ring and when she picked up, it was Danny.
"Oh, hey," Urbana told him, "How are you doing? Are you calmer?"
"I'm still seething, but I'll manage," Danny grumbled, then he said, "My Dad, Abe, and Liz will be heading your way. They'll set up protection protocols around the mansion so that at least you'll be safe from Vlad there."
"Sounds good but too bad for Liz and Abe. It's only been like, what, a week or two since they got to your guy's place and then they have to come back," Urbana said.
"They volunteered, saying that they didn't want Jazz, Mom, or I to miss out on spending time with Uncle Red," Danny said then added, "Dad also had the same sentiment, but it would be faster if I flew over there. They have to take the RV."
"That'll take them a week, right," Urbana asked.
"Not if they only stop for gas and bathroom breaks and take turns driving," Danny said, "Then it'll take three days and I'm sure that's what they plan to do."
"Well tell them not to rush on my account. I don't want them to hurt themselves," Urbana told him.
Both Danny and Beetlejuice sighed, oh my god, to themselves.
"Urbana, you need therapy," Danny said then added, "Be safe. Okay?"
"I'll be fine. Thanks for your concern. Is Jazz going to call me next," Urbana asked.
"She's actually staring intently at me while holding her phone in front of her. The longer I talk the more annoyed she looks and it's funny," Danny said.
"Well, I'm not going to help you with that," Urbana said, "I'll text Sam and Tucker later." Then she hung up.
She had Beetlejuice and Pugsley help her carry her winnings to her room while Beetlejuice was trying to convince her to give him back his clothes. She refused of course, because games aren't fun without consequences.
# # #
It was early morning when the Fenton RV rolled up into the mansion's front yard. Abe and Liz hopped out looking exhausted while Jack was full of energy as he started setting up stuff.
Urbana hobbled up to Liz and Abe and said, "I didn't think we'd see each other so soon," then she said to Abe, "Still looking good as ever gorgeous."
He chuckled tiredly then said, "Thanks."
"And you too Liz. Bed head suits you," Urbana said, not wanting to leave her out of her morning complements.
Liz flopped onto Urbana and gave her a lose hug, "Thanks."
"Man, were the past three days that bad," Urbana asked.
"Don't get us started," Abe said.
Something metal and loud fell in the RV and Jack came out of it and said, "Have you guys seen my wielding goggles?"
There were a pair of goggles on his head and Urbana pointed them out to him.
"Oh, there they are," Jack said as he placed them over his eyes, "I forgot I put them there. Thanks."
Jack ducked back into the RV and welding sounds started emanating from the inside of it.
"Jack's absentmindedness can be charming, but when you're on the road for three days straight with the man," Liz said but couldn't finish.
"It gets a bit frustrating," Abe said.
Urbana chuckled and said, "Oh, you poor babies."
"Where's everyone else," Liz asked as she stopped hugging Urbana.
"They're still inside asleep," Urbana said.
"What are you doing up then," Abe asked.
"I have school to worry about and my first class starts at eight in the morning," Urbana said.
Liz looked at the time on her phone and saw that it was 6:10am.
"Are you leaving right now," Liz asked.
"Yep," Urbana said, "Good luck with the rest of your day."
Urbana hobbled up to her car and Abe helped open the door for her and once she was situated inside and her crutches were secured, Abe closed her car door for her, and she drove off.
Urbana's world history teacher was setting up for the class while her classmates were streaming into the classroom. Urbana was set up at her desk in the front row ready to learn. As her teacher was about to start her lesson the classroom door flung open and Beetlejuice was there, but he didn't look like he usually did.
Beetlejuice was wearing jeans that were torn at his knees, a plaid, long sleeve, button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the top two buttons on his shirt were loose, his green blond hair was longer and styled, he didn't have his blood red nails on, he was taller than he usually was and was thinner. To sum it up, he looked like a twenty-five-year-old hipster dude. Urbana thought it was weird that she didn't see him in her bathroom mirror that morning.
"Hey, Bobby Juice here. Sorry for being late," Beetlejuice said.
"I've been taking rollcall for days now and I haven't seen a Bobby Juice on here. I think you might have the wrong class," the teacher said.
Beetlejuice snapped his fingers and said, "Well shoot. You were about do the rollcall, right? Could you check again?"
The teacher rolled her eyes but proceeded to check the list of names she has for this hour of class time and she was surprised to find Bobby Juice on there.
"Oh. I'm sorry, Mr. Juice. I must have been missing it for some reason," the teacher said.
While Beetlejuice was taking a seat beside Urbana, he said, "It's okay. I tend to have that kind of luck." Then he gave Urbana a big smug grin.
Urbana frowned at him and mouthed the words, you motherfucker, at him. Then she kept the rest of her attention on the teacher and learning. Once class was out, she ripped into him.
"This is worse than your Betty Juice persona," Urbana told him as he helped carry her stuff as she hobbled out of the classroom.
"Are you saying I don't look good," Beetlejuice asked, feigning heartbreak.
"That's not the issue, "Bobby"," Urbana said, "Is this really how you're going to stop being bored? Cause I thought you were having fun messing with the other students when you were in ghost form."
"I mean, I was. But a man can only laugh at students looking for their pencils for so long," Beetlejuice said then he made a bunch of pencils and pens appear in his hand like he was displaying a fan, then asked, "Do you want one?"
"No."
Beetlejuice shrugged then made them disappear. They got into an elevator and rode it down to the ground floor and they walked together to Urbana's next class.
"Doesn't it bother you to be in a form like that? You'll have to hold it so long as people around you can see you," Urbana said, "People freak out too much about small things. I don't want them to freak out about your literal sudden disappearance."
"Oh, it's fine," Beetlejuice said, "I once had the persona, Gloria Valentine, and I broke the hearts of men and women for fifteen years straight in that form."
"Good for you," she said, deadpanned.
Beetlejuice followed Urbana in his Bobby Juice persona all day, from her figure drawing and painting classes, to her world literature class, and to her phycology class. Finally, Urbana sat down for lunch in the cafeteria.
"Oh, god, I was wondering when you'd take a break," Beetlejuice said as he slumped in the chair in front of her.
While she was getting out her Beowulf book to read while she ate Urbana said, "Forcing yourself to be a normal person is forcing you to take notice of my schedule, huh?"
"The only interesting class you had was that figure drawing class," Beetlejuice said, "Your gest model had body rolls in all of the right places."
"Please don't talk like that while I'm eating," Urbana told him as she was reading.
"Ugh, and you're such a naysayer, too," Beetlejuice said, "I thought college was supposed to be fun."
"I didn't chose to go to college to have fun," Urbana said as she snapped her book closed, "I came here to get out of college as fast as I can so I don't have to live in a student loan hell hole decades after I've graduated. I have to be on top of mountains of schoolwork even though you may think that they're all just mole hills. And I will become a comic book artist and storyteller of my dreams, maybe even better because this is a good school. So I don't want to hear you complain to me about how bored you are about your choices, you dug your grave, so lay in it."
"God, damn, girl," Beetlejuice said, "I see I hit a nerve. I'm sorry."
Urbana leaned back into her chair and said, "Thanks... I really do appreciate you being here though. It's nice talking to you without people passing us and giving me funny looks."
"No problem. I'm just glad that Vlad guy hasn't tried anything yet," Beetlejuice said, "Though, he just may be out of commission for a while. He did look really burnt up."
A woman came up to their lunch table and started chatting up Beetlejuice. That wasn't unusual. Beetlejuice has had a number of women and some men come up to him to give him their phone number and what not. Urbana blamed him for using his ghost powers, but Beetlejuice says it's purely his arura of approachability and animal magnetism. What was strange was that it was Susie. Urbana's first and last friend she made at her new school when she moved to Northampton.
Urbana knew her since they were in the fifth grade together and they've seen each other here and there on campus but neither one of them has ever tried talking to each other. Urbana knew that Susie was only here for one thing, being a bitch to her. Though, a part of her hoped she was wrong.
"Do you mind if I sit here," Susie asked Beetlejuice.
Susie had her hair up in a high ponytail and her brown hair looked shiny and silk smooth. Her make-up was on point with intense cat eyes. Urbana remembered how much she loved cats when they were younger. Her clothes were stylish and probably aren't suited for the January cold. Susie was also doing that thing that always confused Urbana that people do sometimes when they're talking to someone they perceive as attractive, having their butts sticking out and playing with their hair.
"No. We don't mind," Urbana answered.
Beetlejuice pulled up a lose chair from a neighboring table and Susie sat down while giving Urbana a once over glance. Then Susie and Beetlejuice started talking with each other while Urbana continued to read her book and eat at the same time. Eventually, Susie was saying her goodbyes to Beetlejuice, and she was moving to give him her phone number when she bumped Urbana's drink onto her Deadpool shirt and blue jeans.
"Oh no!" Susie said. She sounded insincere to Urbana. "Let me go get you some napkins." Then Susie ran off in a light jog.
"At least my backpack and books are safe and good thing it's just water, but I love this shirt," Urbana said.
"Allow me," Beetlejuice said. Then he snapped his fingers and a big cartoony hairdryer came up and blew Urbana's clothes dry. Then it disappeared.
Urbana looked around at the crowded cafeteria then said, "How do people not notice shit like that?"
"You know how people can be. They see what they want to see," Beetlejuice said while scratching the inside of his ear.
Susie came over holding one napkin and she said, "I'm sorry, this is all I could… Are you already dry?"
"Yep," Urbana said.
"How?"
"Well, you see, the water felt embarrassed to be on me, so it evaporated away. It couldn't handle how hot and sexy I am," Urbana said in a deadpan voice.
Beetlejuice snorted into his hand as he tried not to laugh.
"Ha. Ha, ha. Ha," Susie said as she looked between the two adults suspiciously, "I'll just leave this here then." She placed the one napkin down on the table and then she gave Beetlejuice her phone number and said, "Call me later tonight, Bobby. Unless your girlfriend here has a problem with it." Then she left.
"She's the fourth person today to think we're dating, do we really look that couple-ly," Beetlejuice aske Urbana.
Urbana shrugged and said, "Hell if I know. The only thing I know about romance is through media and my parents. In that context, two adults just have to breath in the same room for people to assume their dating."
"That's annoying," he said.
Urbana agreed.
For the rest of the day Beetlejuice followed Urbana to her British Lit. class, her American Lit. class, and finally her Choir class.
Once Choir class was over, Beetlejuice said, "Fucking finally. This is your last class, right?"
"Yes."
"Can we go home now?"
"No."
"Awe, come on," Beetlejuice said, "We've been here all day."
While Urbana and Beetlejuice were heading for the school library, Urbana said, "If you're going to complain like this I might as well get kidnapped."
"Don't say that," Beetlejuice said as he shifted her backpack onto his other shoulder.
"Well, I don't know what you want from me, Beetlejuice," Urbana said, "The only thing missing from your college persona is you actually participating in the college structure."
"… Yah. I guess that's true," Beetlejuice said.
When Beetlejuice opened the door to the library for her, he asked, "So how long do you plan on staying here?"
"Three hours, tops," Urbana said.
Beetlejuice groaned.
Urbana did all of her homework that she had to work on, practiced her singing for the songs that Jammana wanted her to learn for the band, and she practice her fencing hand gestures to which Beetlejuice happily helped with. Then, like she promised, they left the library and headed home on time.
While they were walking to her car, Beetlejuice asked, "Why do you even practice fencing? It's not like you're in any kind of tournament or whatever."
Then Urbana gushed to him about how excited she'll be to see Gomez's face when they can sword fight again, and how surprised he'll be about how smooth her hand movement is despite her rusty foot work and she'll be all like, I know.
The two of them continued to talk but they were interrupted by the sound of a gun being cocked and someone clearing their throat. Skulker was sitting on the hood of her car while the streetlamp light was shining down on him. His green eyes glowing through the dark shadow of his face.
"Hey, Skulker. You look shinier. You wearing new gear and armor?" Urbana asked him while Beetlejuice stood in front of her.
"Yah, thanks to you," Skulker said as he shouldered his gun, "Do you know how hard it is to find gear like this in the ghost zone?"
"I do not. I'm surprised you came here. I plan on making good on my promise despite how angry I was at the time," Urbana told him, "Though, I personally won't be able to do it."
Beetlejuice cackled and said, "Oh, I would love to."
"And I would love to start the hunt with you both," Skulker said as he slid off her car hood, "But I'm not here for that, yet. I've come to tell you, Urbana, that Vlad has placed a bounty on your head in the ghost zone."
"I'm flattered," Urbana said, "But why not try your luck now?"
He slowly walked up to them as he said, "For starters, you have a pretty powerful ally as your personal bodyguard, who I would love to hang on my trophy walls," Then he stood before Beetlejuice, really close, he towered above the two of them, and he leaned in over Beetlejuice to say to Urbana, "And I enjoy the thrill of the chase. I love to watch my prey struggle, and run, and plea with me before I finish the blow. I can't do that with you if you're already crippled."
"Oh," Urbana squeaked.
"Alright, that's it," Beetlejuice said as he snapped his fingers and made a giant rubber mallet appear then he hit Skulker with it.
Skulker flew across the parking lot and landed hard on the asphalt, the two of them could hear him laughing as he stood back up.
"Stay uncaptured long enough for me to be able to capture you," Skulker yelled before disappearing like mist.
"Let's get you home," Beetlejuice said.
"Yah," was all Urbana could say.
The drive home was silent and when they got to the mansion, they both felt a bit safer. Once they were inside, Urbana called a family meeting in the living room and told everyone about what happened at school.
"Oh, you poor thing," Morticia said as she pulled Urbana into a hug while they were sitting on the couch together, "You must have been terrified."
Urbana, voice muffled by Morticia's bosom, said, "I was also kind of excited by it and I don't know how I feel about that."
"I don't think now is a good time for you to be discovering your inner adrenaline junk-y," Liz said.
"I don't know, maybe it is," Gomez said, "Adrenaline will help her go farther faster for when she's running for her life."
"When she can run," Abe added.
"At least we know about this now," Jack said, "We'll need to make readjustments to the ghost barrier we set up. I only calibrated it to deflect my old pal. Now we'll have to make sure it works on all ghosts."
"Does that mean we can't do séances anymore?" Pugsley asked.
"I'm sorry, but it looks like it," Jack said.
"I've never seen us go without a séance before," Wednesday said.
"Don't worry about it too much," Grandmama said to the kids, "Time is hard for a ghost to keep track of, especially in the Neitherworld. They won't notice any differences."
"I'm sorry, everyone," Urbana said as she kept resting her head on Morticia's chest, "I wish I could make this all go away."
"Hey, don't worry yourself about that," Fester said, "Life gets tough and the best thing we can do is just make it easier for each other. That's all we really can do."
Morticia nodded her head in agreement as she continued to embrace Urbana and pat her head.
"I know, but still," Urbana said.
They all sat in silence for a bit, contemplating their next plan of action and what the future will bring them.
"Are we still planning on going on vacation?" Urbana asked.
"Of course," Gomez said, "In stressful times like these, we should do all kinds of enjoyable things."
Beetlejuice tapped Urbana's head and she looked up at him to see him smiling smugly.
"Are you enjoying yourself," Beetlejuice said, trying to make a lesbian joke.
Urbana knew he was talking about her resting on Morticia, but she didn't understand that he was implying anything, so she said, "Yes. It reminds me of when my Mom was alive, and I miss doing this with her." Then she laid her head back onto Morticia's bosom.
Beetlejuice instantly felt bad about her strained relationship with her parents, and also because his joke wasn't even understood. Grandmama waved him over and whispered to him.
"I tried that same exact joke with her when my boy was holding her in his arms," Grandmama said, "Now she refers to Hellboy as her Dad friend. I was trying to be a wing man bit that backfired horribly."
Beetlejuice laughed and he felt better.
# # #
Grandmama was leading the way through the deepest part of the forest while Urbana and Beetlejuice followed behind her, with Beetlejuice holding the basket of goodies Grandmama had made.
It was a long walk and Urbana was thinking about how even though, Jack, Abe, and Liz have made the mansion a ghost free zone, she was still being annoyed and bothered by the bounty hunters at her school. Ember McLain interrupted her morning classes, one day. Youngblood decided to just hang out in front of her home, some other day. Then the Lunch Lady ruined her only time to get a real meal at school and she tried to force feed her meat. Then recently the Fright Knight appeared saying he wants the money to help his king rebuild his castle, but Urbana was so tired and frustrated by all the ghosts, that she managed to push him away with her force of will, and with a lot of help from Beetlejuice.
"Okay, we're here," Grandmama said.
The two of them looked around the clearing in the woods. There was a little mound in the middle surrounded by white mushrooms, and it was clear of any kind of forest debris with short green grass growing only within the confines of the mushroom ring.
"Woah, a fairy ring," Urbana said, having only read about them in fairytales and mythology books.
"What's a fairy doing in America," Beetlejuice asked.
Grandmama just smiled at them then she called out to the mound, "Morgan. It's Joy."
Yellow light spilled out of the mound like golden flowers then Morgan appeared. Their long blond hair and elegance suggested that they may be female, but their sharp facial features and defined musculature suggested male. The only thing covering their body was their own long hair and they looked unaffected by the cold. Their eyes were yellow and cat like, making them look even less human despite their human appearance. Overall Urbana was confused at the sight of them, but she didn't let that bother her for long, because she was most interested in their name.
"Are you The Morgan, like Morgan le Fay?" Urbana asked them.
They laughed, their voice not giving away what gender they could be either, then they said, "No. Morgan was a popular name to give to fay children. I happened to have just been born when it was at the height of its popularity. You flatter me by comparing me to such a renowned woman."
"How have you been, Morgan," Grandmama asked.
"Wonderful. The different moth eggs I'm caring for are holding out beautifully in their hibernation states," Morgan said, then added, "Though I suppose you aren't here for small talk."
"Unfortunately, not," Grandmama said as she motioned Beetlejuice to come forward, "My family and I will be leaving on vacation and we'll be gone for a month. Here are all of my offerings to you that'll last for the next month and two weeks."
Their cat eyes widened into two black moons as they took hold of the basket that held all of Grandmama's goodies.
"Awe, you made me tomato bread," Morgan said as they pulled it out and breathed in its smell, "You spoil me rotten, Joy."
"Grandmama, are you in trouble with the fairies or something," Urbana asked her. She didn't even know that Grandmama was giving offerings to a fairy.
"What? Oh, no Dear," Grandmama said, "They're just an old friend I made before I retired from the B.P.R.D. It's a long story."
"The offerings are more of a formality by fay law to get me to stay here," Morgan said, "Technically, the Addams family property is my prison. I love it here so much though, that it doesn't really feel like a prison."
"They help care for the property and they're the reason why I'm able to catch at least one animal for diner every day," Grandmama said.
"And you're the reason why the trees have such a sudden shift in greenery," Urbana said.
They chuckled and said, "That's correct. I just hate transition periods like fall and spring and I just love the color green. I make the trees do what I want. I wasn't allowed to do that back home."
"Cool," Urbana said.
"Thank you for all of your hard work, Morgan," Grandmama said, "I'll visit you when we get back from our vacation."
"Oh, don't go just yet," Morgan said, "Young lady, why don't you come closer. I can fix your ankle up real quick."
"Oh, thank you, but no thank you," Urbana said, feeling a bit uncomfortable, "I don't know what you want from me in return for the healing, and I'm having enough trouble already from the ghosts in my life. Again, thank you, but no thank you."
Morgan gave Urbana a toothy, cat-like grin, then said to Grandmama, "Joy, is she your new little protégé. Is Morticia or Wednesday not up to snuff anymore?"
"No to both," Grandmama said with a smile, "Urbana's just a smart girl armed with the stories of any culture she can get her hands on and as for my girls, well, they're both following their own paths. Maybe you'll see my grandson next time I visit you."
As they all left the clearing, Urbana asked, "Why did you bring me to visit them?"
"Well, I'm an old woman who needed help carrying her items through the woods," Grandmama said, she then thanked Beetlejuice for his help, then she continued to say, "And they're my friend and it's good for them to meet new people since they're not allowed to leave the property. Also, I thought you'd love the idea of meeting a fairy before we left for our vacation since you've been having such a hard month."
"Do you think I can go visit them on my own so I can interview them," Urbana asked.
"I should go with you, but I know they won't be opposed to your questions," Grandmama said.
Urbana felt giddy at the idea and she said, "Thanks for taking me out."
"Do you think they're single," Beetlejuice asked.
"Please don't," Grandmama said.
Urbana then listened to the two of them argue over Beetlejuice's chases of getting with Morgan as they walked through the woods.