'You don't have to be,'

Turned, very quickly, into Merlin understanding completely why he had every reason to be. Parties, activities such as this, were simply just not Merlin's thing. He felt weird and very much like he didn't belong there, because he didn't. Loud music played, and people sat around, smoking what Merlin could only assume was pot, and making out, and dirty dancing, and drinking, and screaming and acting stupid...

He was very overwhelmed. And the worst part, the very worst bit...was he had no idea where Arthur was, he had panicked slightly, and by slightly...not at all slightly, and had tried to escape the noise, but that meant, as the front door was blocked, his only option was to go upstairs, and he had thought Arthur was following him, but he had not been. The upstairs was quiet, except for very loud banging coming form a bedroom, and Merlin honestly...just really didn't want to know what that was. He knew he couldn't stay up here long, because he needed to find Arthur and not to mention, the noises were making him uncomfortable. He headed back down stairs and as he reached the bottom, he had to squeeze passed this girl with pink hair, who wouldn't stop dancing sexily on the last step. He didn't know where to look first for Arthur, so he headed into the sitting room. He looked around, at the many faces there and didn't see Arthur, however he did see Gwaine and...someone else's face that for some reason, Merlin recognized.

"Ahhh, Merlin," said Gwaine, he was holding a joint in his hand and his eyes looked glossed over. "Arthur said he brought you."

"Yeah," Merlin nodded, eyes traveling to the other guy, Gwaine was sitting with. That man looked to be a year or two older than Gwaine and held a beer bottle in his hand, looking a little flushed, which means that this one was clearly not his first. "Do you know where Arthur is?"

"Oh, yeah...he's in the garden with this girl."

"What?" questioned Merlin, not only because he didn't understand, but also, because it was so loud, how was he supposed to hear? Gwaine laughed.

"He's in the shed out back, getting some from this pretty, little blonde bird..."

Merlin had to stop, he had to pause for several seconds and just take those words in, and he really needed to figure out why they made him so angry. Apart from the fact that Arthur was supposed to be staying with him because he knew he was nervous...

"Don't look so down about it," said Gwaine, with a grin. "She's fit as fuck."

"Shut up, you wanker!" said the other man, and he smiled at Merlin. "He's a dick for not introducing us, and a lot of other reasons. I'm Lance."

"Nice to-" Merlin was about to say, when it dawned on him, how he looked familiar This was LANCE! Gwen's boyfriend...fiance thing. Merlin's mouth fell open. But luckily, this was all ignored, because just as Merlin started to stutter, a red headed woman came over and sat down on Lance's lap.

"Whoa," he said, as she started kissing his neck, just randomly, out of now where. Like this was okay. "Look, Love...I told you earlier, I'm engaged, and I plan on being faithful to my future wife, alright?"

The girl huffed, and got up and walked off. Gwaine watched on, looking ashamed. "Strong man, you are, Mate."

"Being faithful is the only right thing to do, Gwen would never cheat on me..."

And that was it, that was all he could take. Merlin felt very sick to his stomach all of a sudden, he just really wanted to go home. Right now. He just couldn't quite cope, he felt his heart race and his palms sweet and he wanted to throw up.

"You don't look so good there, Lad," said Lance. "You alright?"

"You know what he needs?" offered Gwaine now, as he stood up and wrapped an arm around Merlin. "A bit of a chill pill, you know."

Lance rolled his eyes. "No, he looks like he needs a bed."

"Merlin," said Gwaine, pulling something out of his pocket and shoving it into Merlin's hand. Merlin, who felt like his soul had suddenly left his body, manged to look down and see the joint in his hand. "I know you're new to the party scene, it's cool...we've all been there, let Uncle Gwaine make you feel better, hm?"

"I don't believe you are this boys uncle!" said Lance, but he wasn't really doing anything to stop him either. Merlin didn't really know how it happened, somehow he was sitting on the sofa next to Lance the next minute and Gwaine was lighting the thing and pressed it to his lips...and then most things after that became very blurry.

Twenty minutes later he was numb, just competently and totally numb. He could barely remember his name, he thought it was Merlin, but that was a dumb name, so why would it be that? He liked the idea of Fred or Ron better...it had a nice ring to it.

"RON!" he yelled out and scared Lance next to him, who got up, looking alarmed and walked away. But not before giving Gwaine one last dirty look. Gwaine, himself, only burst out with a laugh and watched Lance go.

"MERLIN!" Came a loud voice suddenly and Merlin didn't answer to it, because that was not his name now. He had decided, it was Ron...or Fred, he wasn't sure yet. Arthur came up and stood in front of him, he was yelling at Gwaine, and Merlin...er, no Fred...no Ron...he couldn't really understand what he was saying, until Arthur dragged him up. "WHY ARE YOU GETTING HIGH? I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU!"

"Gorg said you were outside in a shed with a blonde..."

"Huh?!" demanded Arthur. "What are you saying, who is Gorg?"

Gwaine, still sitting on the sofa, was laughing so hard his face had turned red and he was wheezing. "I think...he means me, Mate..."

"Shut up, I can't believe you got him high..." said Arthur. "What the fuck did you give him?"

"Just weed, Mate, and he lost his damn marbles."

Merlin...no, Ron, he didn't remember how he got into the car, or who was even driving it, he had to keep looking over to make sure someone was. Arthur was clearly a little upset with him, but then maybe he shouldn't have been outside having relations with some blonde hussy and instead stayed with Ron!

"Merlin, are you alright?" asked Arthur, after a long time of driving in silence. Ron didn't answer. "Listen, I didn't mean to let Gwaine get ahold of you, I don't think you're ready for pot yet, I mean...it's obviously fucking you up pretty good."

"I feel fine," said Ron, looking over to Arthur once again. "And stop calling me that."

"Calling you what?"

But just then they pulled into the driveway. Arthur got out first, quick, and helped Ron out of the car. He was finding that he couldn't feel his feet. He didn't know pot could make you feel this way, completely numb and so free of worry, he needed to do it more, he needed this at school...he just wished he would remember how many toes he was supposed to have. He thinks thirty-six.

Arthur pushed open the front door and shoved Merlin inside. Morgana was sitting on the steps, right when they walked in. Merlin's eyes widened so much he almost fell backwards and Arthur had to catch him from falling.

"Uther says you took Merlin to your uni party," she was saying, sternly. "Why?!"

"I thought it would be fun," said Arthur, eyes shifting back and forth and not landing directly on his sister, who looked very angry.

"It was fun, Gorg gave me drugs and I met Lance who is getting repeatedly cheated on by the love of his life and he's actually a nice guy, and I hate myself...and Arthur was having sex with a blonde girl in a shed, so...I think he had fun, too."

"Excuse me?!" Morgana shouted. "YOU LEFT HIM ALONE WITH RANDOM, HORRIBLE UNI KIDS, WHILE YOU FONDLED SOME BITCH?!

"Stop yelling, Morgana," said Arthur, in a hushed yell. "Dad is going to hear you and he's the last person that needs to know about this. And no...I didn't have sex with anyone!"

"Weeeeell, Gorg says you did!" said Merlin, matter of factly, pointing a finger in Arthur's face. Arthur looked angry for a long time, and that scared Merlin...or was he still Ron? Because he had never seen Arthur get angry at anyone but Uther, and that led to him punching his father.

"I don't give a fuck what Gorg said, I didn't!"

"He's high as shit!" declared Morgana, now and Merlin grinned at her, forgetting about his worries of Arthur punching him suddenly.

"Mhm," he nodded his head. He looked around the foyer, it was dark and he didn't like it. So, he walked forward and into the kitchen, where he turned on all the lights. The two followed behind him, looking very worried. But he was hungry, so he started going through the fridge.

"Arthur, I am so mad at you right now...you can't even imagine how much..."

"Don't blame me," said Arthur. "He slipped away from me, I wasn't going to leave him, somehow he found Gwaine and Gwaine is himself..."

"That's not an excuse!"

"I know, I shouldn't have brought him, alright?" Arthur sighed. "I just wanted to see how he'd react. Clearly not good..."

"IT'S SO HOT!" yelled Merlin now. He was getting mad, he couldn't find anything to eat and it was so hot he felt like he was melting. He pulled his shirt off over his head and threw it onto the floor. The pair of them watched him.

"C'mon, Merlin, let's get you to bed," said Arthur, stepping forward. But Merlin took a step back. "Listen, I'm not kidding."

"Who are you then?" offered Merlin, with a smirk, but Arthur didn't seem to find him funny. Instead, he yanked him forward and grabbed him around the middle, lifting him up and threw him over his shoulder. "Is this how you treated the blonde girl...?"

Arthur did not respond to that.

Merlin was getting very tired by the time he had reached his bedroom, and when Arthur dropped him into his bed, he could barely see anymore. He was shivering now, chills ran through his body.

"I'm so cold..." his teeth chattered.

"Probably shouldn't have taken off your shirt then, huh?" offered Arthur, as suddenly, a very large thing fell over Merlin, and it scared him until he realized it was a blanket. He was so tired, and so far away...

"Don't...don't leave me this time, okay?" he asked, but never got an answer. It was like Arthur was already gone.

It bothered him, that there was no one there, he knew it, shadows danced behind his eyes and every so often a vision, vision of something would come closer and closer...and as soon as Merlin reached out to touch it, it would be gone again, and Merlin would end up feeling more alone than he did even right after his father had died. But every so often, that vision would come back, and each time it was stronger and stronger and more bright, and when he saw it, he felt his heart swell with something...he didn't know what, but he could feel it grow and then burst through his whole body. Making him feel warm and happy. He realized, after awhile, that the vision he saw wasn't just shapes and colors, it was a person and it came nearer and nearer each time it came, and this time, it was strong and clear and bright, as he flew toward him. It...wasn't an it, it was an Arthur.It was Arthur. And he came ever closer this time, whispering Merlin's name in such a way that made Merlin's stomach do flips, and Merlin wanted to reach out to him, his eyes were just barely open, but he could see him plainly, and he wanted to reach out and touch him, but all too soon, it faded away into darkness, he was gone once again, and Merlin feared this time, he wouldn't come back. He called out to him...

"Merlin!" a voice yelled, and he felt his whole body shaking. Was he dying? His eyes popped open and the morning light pierced them, and who was shaking him was Arthur. It startled him, was this his dream still or real life...? "Merlin!"

"Uh..." he mumbled out. Arthur sighed and moved back, sitting on the edge of the bed. Merlin felt strange, for more than one reason, he thought. "Why are you in my room?"

"I stayed, because you asked me to," said Arthur, casually. "And I was freaked out, you were out cold, but...you just kept calling me, I barely fucking slept all night. Not that it's your fault...I was just scared you'd die or something."

"I was calling you while I was asleep?" asked Merlin, feeling a little worried about this, what else might he have done?

"Yeah, and the last one sounded like you were really scared and I really thought you were dying...like I said."

Merlin looked at him, and really just looked at him for a second, the thoughts of his dream came floating back into his head, and he realized something just then. Something that had just been there, been there for a bit actually. Something that was appsalutly horrifying. He got up suddenly and headed for the door. Arthur asked where he was going, but Merlin ignored this and kept walking. He walked into the loo and shut and locked the door behind him, leaning against it. His face was flushed and he felt a pounding in his heart that was just not right...not right at all.

He understood now, why he always wanted to talk to Arthur on the phone, or why he was so excited when he was coming home, why he liked talking to him so much, why he smiled every time he got a text from him, why he was so annoyed when he found out about the blonde girl in the shed...

The idea that Arthur had stayed in Merlin's room, because he cared about Merlin and was worried for him, it made Merlin's heart soar in a way that was just simply gross.

It all made perfect sense now. Because Merlin was an idiot, with low self esteem and the tiniest, little act of kindness he was shown...Arthur had said it himself, before, when Merlin asked him about it. He seemed to think it was okay for Merlin's feelings to act this way, but Merlin did not. This was the same thing that happened with Will, but the only difference with Will was...was he wasn't about t be Merlin's step brother.

(A/N: I'm going to be honest, I love this chapter. Let me explain why...before you think that I am insane. Mostly, it just makes me laugh so much, like I was DYING when I wrote this, and that was probably over a month ago, so when I reread it to edit it, I died yet again. It's just the part where Merlin turns himself into Ron, that literally makes zero sense, and makes me laugh so hard. I hope it is at least readable to someone who is not me and you are not just completely confused as to who 'Ron' is. (In very twisted terms, Merlin is basically saying his name is odd and too big for him, so he should be something basic like Ron. In all reality, that's what he was saying and it's kinda sad, but it still makes me laugh.) It also makes me laugh that both of the chapters for both of my stories I am posting today and tomorrow are literally insane. There is just certain points in books where you're reading and something so insane is happening you're like...the author must have been on some serious drugs while writing this, but no...I promise, I am drug free. Beyond all that though, we finally get Merlin realizing he likes Arthur...so there's that too. I also like the dream part too, because Merlin is dreaming this, but Arthur says he kept calling him during the night, so when 'Arthur fades away and then comes back again' basically, it's just him checking on Merlin during the night, and I was like well...that's good, that's really good. I impress myself. ;} But anyway, I need to shut up, I hope you enjoyed! PS, I didn't re-edit this, so hopefully it's okay!)