In The Mind's Eye
Disclaimer: This is an AU story that combines The Godfather and Greys Anatomy together. I borrowed these characters, I own nothing.
Chapter Eighteen
Decisions
Gazing into crystal blue eyes that she loved so much, Callie had a decision to make. She knew beyond a shadow of a doubt how she should answer this.
Opening her mouth to speak, she began to divulge the answer. "Arizona, I..."
Now love is a funny thing. It opens us up to a world of possibilities. A deep flood of emotions. A wave of truth. Speaking of truth, Callie has a tough decision on her hands. What do you say in a time like this? Your back is to the wall, and you feel cornered like an animal. Do you deny the truth? Or, just say it, no matter what the consequences are. Wow. That is a difficult position to be in, but for Callie Torres, there was one answer that she knew to give. One that she felt a strong urgency about. A pulling force, if you will, compelling the brunette to open her mouth and speak.
"Arizona, I cannot answer that."
Turning her head, Arizona asked again, "Answer me Callie. Did you have Junior Brazini killed?"
How does one go about answering this, Callie thought. Confession would be so nice, sometimes. But confession could also land you with a jail sentence. Or worse than that, her wife's trust being violated. She hoped Arizona still trusted her. After confessing her affairs earlier in the evening, the blonde hadn't run. But, could Callie trust Arizona with the inner most secrets of her heart? Having knowledge of murders, the blonde would be sworn to carry those to her grave.
Answering with a firm, "I'm not answering that," Callie watched as she knew her answer would probably upset Arizona. Her wife would not appreciate the lack of answers. The truth was, Callie really didn't want to deceive Arizona any further, but couldn't tell her the truth because of her allegiance to the mafia. No matter what, Arizona could not know what Callie and the Torres family were capable of.
"Did you give orders for him to be killed?" Arizona asked once again. "Or did you insinuate that was what you wanted?"
Arizona wasn't fooled by her wife's secrecy. Secrecy that was shrouded in lies. Webs of lies Callie was good a spinning. Did that mean Arizona didn't love the brunette? Of course not. She did love her. She loved Callie more than anything. She just needed to truth to come out.
"I can't answer that." Callie replied as she looked to the window.
"It's a simple question." As always, Arizona was relentless in her quest for the truth. This would go her way. One way or the other.
"It's more complicated than you think Arizona."
Screaming at her wife, Arizona demanded and answer from Callie now. "Did you or not!" This conversation had gone from bad to worse.
Turning her head, the brunette refused to comply with the request. Which of course, made her look very guilty in Arizona's eyes. Once again, Callie diverted attention away from the issue at hand.
"Let's get some sleep." Turning away from Arizona, Callie fluffed her pillow and reached for the bedside lamp. The conversation was clearly over. There would be no more talking on this subject if Callie had a say in it.
"You go on ahead, I have some medical journals in the living room that I have to study."
Arizona didn't have much else to say to Callie. Clearly, the answer to her questions was yes. Yes, she had ordered Junior's murder. Had she ordered other murders? Surely this was not the only one. Pondering these things in her heart, one question rang loud and clear. As Arizona made her way downstairs, she felt the tears start falling from her face. "Who have I married," Arizona thought as she sat down in the tall dark colored wingback chair. Opening the medical journal, she thought, more than she read.
Callie followed her wife downstairs. She knew either way she answered, she would be implicated. Seeing Arizona sitting in her chair looking at the thick book, Callie felt ashamed. She was disappointed in herself and her inability to tell her wife the darkness that she harbored in her heart. What if she had answered yes? What then? Would it have made it any worse than it was right now? Right now, she looked guilty to her wife. And, she was guilty. Very guilty. She had ordered numerous deaths. In her business, sometimes it was kill or be killed. Survival is a powerful instinct you know. Would Arizona understand that concept? If Arizona had knowledge of the murders Callie ordered, wouldn't it make her an accessory? Shouldn't she love Arizona enough to protect her from the horrors of this world?
This should have been the happy, lighthearted phase of their marriage. They were expecting a baby. In a couple of weeks, they would hopefully find out whether it would be a boy or girl. Times like these should not be drowned in secrecy and murder. Oh, what the brunette wouldn't give to walk away from this all, to have a normal life. And, that just wasn't possible.
As morning came, Callie stretched to feel Arizona's side of the bed. Feathering her had across the blonde's pillow, she felt nothing. Brushing dark locks from her face, Callie looked on the right side of the bed. Their bed. Only, they hadn't shared a bed last night. No, last night, Arizona slept in the guest room.
Feeling the empty space that every morning at the time contained her wife's presence, Callie lay back down on her pillow. Today was a busy day. Today, she had a life to take. Paulie was going to meet his fate. Today, she had breakfast with her wife's parents, Daniel and Barbara. And today, Callie had to face Arizona after their argument last night. No, today, was not a pleasant day in the life of Callie Torres. Today, as Callie saw it, was a dreadful day.
As she felt the water cascade down her tanned body, Callie heard the sound of someone entering the bathroom. Assuming it was Arizona, Callie called out, "Honey is that you?"
With a fit of giggles, she heard the little patter of feet outside the steamy glass shower doors. She knew that voice. That laughter was recognized instantly.
"Carmine. You should not be in here. I am taking a shower." Her niece was a fixture in their home. Even more so now that Aria was getting further along with her pregnancy.
"Aunt Arizona said I could come up here." Carmine giggled.
Knowing that Carmine had Arizona wrapped around her finger, Callie couldn't help but smile. Arizona was going to be a wonderful mother. Callie couldn't wait until their baby arrived. Time seemed to be dragging by slowly on that front.
"Why don't you wait outside the door, then Aunt Callie can finish getting drying off?" Callie was ready to hop out of the shower, but had absolutely no intentions of doing that with small prying eyes.
"Okay." With that, Carmine ran and jumped on the massive bed. The little girl loved jumping on her aunts' bed.
Striding out of the bathroom, clad in a towel wrapped around her body, Callie smiled as she watched Carmine jumping on the bed.
"You better get down before Aunt Arizona comes in." Callie chastened the little girl.
"Carmine! Do not jump on that bed. You could fall and get hurt!" Too late. The blonde aunt that Carmine had become fast friends with, pulled her down to a sitting position.
"Sorry Aunt Arizona," was the small child's reply. Carmine never paid much attention to Callie's correction, but if Arizona so much ask gave her a look, she felt instant shame. The blonde seemed to have that effect on Torres women.
As the wives looked at one another, both were reminded of their conversation the previous night. Filling the silence, Arizona looked at Callie as she gently pulled Carmine from the bed.
"Breakfast will be ready in twenty minutes." And then she was gone. There was no good morning. No hello. Arizona didn't have much else to say to her wife.
Walking downstairs a few minutes later, laughter could be heard from the kitchen. Seeing the Colonel in Arizona's lacy black apron, a smile formed on red lips. Callie knew the old man was comfortable and secure in himself, but this was a sight to behold. Eyeing the red rose that was attached to the sexy black apron, Callie watched as the Colonel moved through the kitchen like a pro. Cooking was his hobby.
"Callie dear. We are almost ready. Will you take this to the table please?" Barbara asked. Turning to grab the next dish, she followed behind Callie.
The orange juice was the last thing they needed. "Go ahead and sit. I've got the juice," Daniel called out.
Sitting across from one another, Callie and Arizona stared at each other. Both women attempted to read each other's thoughts.
"Little Carmine could have stayed for breakfast." Barbara suggested to Arizona.
"She had to go home. Time to face her punishment. She was in trouble and ran over here to see if I would get her off the hook." Arizona answered her mother.
Looking directly at her wife, Arizona's words cut at the brunette's heart. "You know, sometimes you need to confess what you have done. Confession is a good thing."
Callie held her head down, she knew that comment was for her benefit.
Turning to her mother, Arizona continued a pleasant conversation.
"This is good sweetie. I didn't know you could cook this good." The Colonel bragged on his daughters cooking.
"Years of experience learning from the best." Looking to her mother, Arizona winked at Barbara.
As they all sat and conversed, there was a noticeable silence from the table. Callie had yet to utter a word since sitting. She just ate her food and listened.
The quicker she ate, the quicker she could leave. She had to deal with Paulie today. Deep in thought as to what the best way to murder the guy would be, Callie was miles away from the conversations taking place around the table.
"Callie?"
Did someone call her name? Callie thought she heard her name called. Snapping out of her thoughts, the brunette had three faces looking at her.
"I'm sorry. I was in my own little world for a minute." Callie politely smiled.
"We were asking what you had planned for today?" Barbara asked again.
"Uh...I'm... there's a..." The brunette unskillfully tripped over her words. Unpolished. Failing at every turn, Callie was at a loss for words. That was something that seldom happened to her. Something she perceived as weakness. Because she had a weakness...her name was Arizona.
"Callie has a meeting. Don't you honey?" Arizona covered for her wife. She could see the turmoil inside of Callie's dark obsidian eyes. Watching as Callie was in thought once again, Arizona wondered just what had the brunette's attention.
Callie's eyebrows were furrowed as she stared into space. It all came back to Callie as she sat there. The memories of last night, seeped into her mind...
Flashback
Watching Arizona sit in the living room, Callie felt defeated. The trust in their marriage was not what it had been. Now, the trust was broken because of Callie's inability to answer a question. Turning to go back upstairs, she heard a familiar voice speaking.
"I know you are watching me. I can see you from the hallway."
Caught. Callie froze. For someone that never floundered and had a remarkable way to orchestrate illegal enterprises and plan murder, she just could not outsmart her wife.
"You can come in here and sit with me if you want. If you are ready to answer my question. Otherwise, I am in no mood for company tonight."
Decisions aren't always easy to make. Decisions are a determination arrived at after consideration. Callie needed to make a conscious decision. Decisions are often hard, aren't they?
Trying not to let her emotions affect her decision, Callie turned to walk back upstairs. She felt like a coward. She felt defeated in this situation she had found herself in.
Once again, the blonde's voice spread through the living room and into the hall where Callie stood. "Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same."
Stock still. Callie was unable to move, even if she wanted to. Her feet felt heavy. Why was this so hard for her? Why did Arizona seem to keep pressing the issue? As Callie's chest rose and fell, breathing became difficult. Sitting on the bottom step of the staircase, tears threatened to spill from her eyes. This is not the way she wanted her marriage to turn out. This was not the woman she intended to become. She needed to be better. She needed be honest. After all, Arizona deserved honesty the marriage. Right?
Lifting herself from the wooden steps, Callie held onto the stair rail. As she turned the corner, she was met with the woman that she knew was her soul mate. Arizona was the only person she would ever love. Her person. The other half of her soul.
Unable to control the emotions that flooded her body, Callie collapsed in Arizona's arms. Weeping aloud with convulsive gasping, she cried uncontrollably. Not able to articulate a single word, Callie let out a low mournful cry. A cry that was indicative of sorrow. It was a secret sorrow. One she held close to her heart and one that she could never let go...
End of Flashback
"Callie? Is everything alright dear?" Barbara wasn't sure what was wrong with Callie that particular morning. She seemed as if her mind were somewhere else at that moment.
Shaking her head, Callie snapped out of the trance she was in.
"Yes. Everything is fine. I'm sorry. I need to be leaving. It was good to see you both." With that said, she removed herself from the dining room.
Once they heard the door close, questions flew the blonde's way.
"Is she on pills or something? She acts very strange." Daniel Robbins wasn't impressed by Callie's actions at all.
"No daddy. She isn't on any pills. Or drugs. Or alcohol." Feeling the need to confirm Callie's sobriety, Arizona said, "Callie will hardly take Tylenol. And she only drinks with her meals."
"She did seem distracted." Barbara spoke.
"She did." Her wife's odd behavior was noticeable. Probably had to do with last night, Arizona thought. Still, the blonde continued to eat. After all, she was eating for two. And couldn't quite ever seem to fill up.
"I am worried about you living here with that woman." The Colonels voice broke the silence.
Arizona took a sip of her orange juice. As a lazy finger slowly traced the rim of her glass, she said, "It's complicated daddy. We are having a baby. And I love her. I do. Faults and all. I love Callie."
"You are not safe in this family sweetheart. You were almost killed. What if you had lost the baby? Could you forgive yourself for staying? Could you forgive Callie? It's dangerous. The life these people lead is dangerous Arizona. You need to get out before it's too late."
Studying her father's face, Arizona thought about the words he had just spoken. He had a point. Could she forgive herself if something happened to her baby? Could she forgive Callie? Forgive. That word played over and over in her mind as she looked at her father. It's was a word that spoken many times over last night….
Flashback
With her wife collapsed in her arms, the weight of the brunette became too much. Easing them down to the floor, Arizona held Callie as she cried. She knew Callie was guilty. She knew her wife was directly involved in unspeakable acts. She had to be. Otherwise, why not just deny her involvement.
Brushing the hair from Callie's face, she felt sorry for the broken woman. Lying in the middle of the foyer on cold tile, Callie wept.
"I'm sorry. Forgive me please. You have to forgive me. I can't live without you. I'd rather die than spend one day without you in my arms."
Hearing the tearful spill from Callie's heart, Arizona sat emotionless as she listened to Callie pour out her heart.
"I...I can't tell you anything else. Please forgive me. You are so pure. My world, my life can't infiltrate your heart. Please try and understand. I'm sorry. I don't wish to shut you out..."
Interrupting, Arizona said, "Then don't. Don't shut me out Callie. Talk to me."
Gathering her composure, Callie sat up and looked her wife in the eyes. Arizona's stormy blue eyes roamed over tanned features. She was searching for answers. Answers that would grip the very soul of a person, pulling them into the darkest shadows.
"I'm sorry. Please forgive me. But...I can't."
Callie refused to pull her wife over to the dark side. She loved Arizona too much for that. More questions would arise if she confessed. But she didn't lie either. She knew pleading the fifth would implicate her in her wife's eyes. She knew she would look guilty. And, she was. But she would not tell Arizona and drag her down with her.
Arizona frowned, "You know you look very guilty. Right?"
"I'm sure I do Arizona, but I just can't tell you everything. It's for your sake. Not mine. I need you to trust me on this. I need you too."
Desperation filled Callie's voice as she held Arizona's arms. Looking with a ferocious intent, she pleaded with her wife. "Please trust me. I would never let anything or anyone harm you. Everything I do is to protect my family. I love you. I need you to believe me. I need you to let this go. Do you believe me?"
Once again, a familiar question was posed to the blonde. It's always the same. Do you believe me? Arizona was well acquainted with that question. She had always answered yes in the past.
Now, Arizona had a decision to make. Throughout life, everyone will have difficulty making decisions. Basing those decisions off of facts and knowledge makes it easier. Some people make instant decision, never stopping to take careful consideration to the future outcomes of their choices.
And then there are the other ones. You know the type. The people that put off making decisions by searching for more information or getting other people to offer their recommendations. Arizona Robbins-Torres fell into this category. And Arizona knew just the person to ask. One person who could shed some light on this situation. The same person that was in exactly the same situation and life as she was in... Carmela.
The blonde shook her head. "I need time to process this Callie."
"Arizona. Please." Pleading in a tone that tugged at the blonde's heart, Callie tried to persuade her wife to not sleep separate tonight.
"I just...I need to process Callie. I need to be alone tonight." Without giving her wife another chance to speak, Arizona left Callie sitting on the floor. Never turning back to look in her wife's direction, she made her way to the guest bedroom. A loud slamming noise reverberated throughout the second floor of their home as Callie was left alone.
End of Flashback
"Arizona did you hear what I said?" Daniel Robbins wasn't giving up on his quest to bring his daughter home.
"Yes daddy. You want me to leave." Arizona confirmed her father's suggestion.
"Yes! I want you to go and pack a bag and let's leave. Right now." The demanding tone from her father shook Arizona to her core. His loving fatherly mode was replaced with the fierce Colonel that the U.S. Military had trained him to be.
Arizona had to find the perfect words so that she didn't give her father any indication of hers and Callie's discussion last night. Knowing full well the revelations from last night would be taken straight to the federal level by her father, she spoke again. Very carefully.
"Daddy. I love you and mom. So, so much. But, I made a vow. For better or worse remember?" Folding her hands in her lap, she looked her father straight in the eyes.
"Arizona, could it get any worse? Wait. Yes, yes it could get much worse. You could be dead the next time around. You and the baby."
Taking it all in for a minute, Arizona looked down at her stomach. Their baby. The one thing that she and Callie would always share. No matter what happened to their marriage, they would always be bound together by this baby. Gently gliding her hand across her stomach, she thought about the safety of their child. This was no life for a child. Yes, it would be a child of privilege, but it would also require the same intense security as she and Callie had to endure. What if something bad happened to their child? Oh, Arizona didn't know if she could ever forgive her wife for that.
"Look. We can just go..."
Stopping her father mid-sentence, Arizona was inclined to agree with Daniel on several points, but she wanted to talk to Carmela. She wanted to finish this conversation with Callie. So, she did what she knew to do. What she felt was the right plan of action for this moment. She was making a decision. A decision that, for this moment at least, she would abide by.
"I am staying. I know you don't agree or understand, but I am staying. However, I promise you this. If I feel that I need to leave or feel in any danger, I promise I will be on the first plane to Washington."
Knowing that would not go over well, she attempted to smooth it over once again. "I love..."
"Arizona. I promised myself that I would respect your wishes. Even if they were not what I wanted for you. I can't say I like it. Because I don't. But, if you want to stay..."
Laboriously speaking the last word, the Colonel blew out a small breath. He wasn't happy. But, he did promise that he would honor his daughter's wishes. "Okay. If you wish to remain here, then okay. I just want everything in your life to be perfect."
As Arizona smiled at her father, she glanced at the portrait hanging in the foyer. Visible from where she sat, the large oil painting of her and Callie filled the vast wall. The smiles were genuine. The closeness of the couple in the painting was transparent. Happiness overflowed through the soft brush strokes.
The painting was a masterpiece. Perfection. No, Callie was not perfect. No, Arizona was not perfect. The question was... whether they were perfect for each other? The answer to that question, just like the beauty radiating from the magnificent painting, was in the eyes of the beholder.