I added an Anastasia chapter between the two first Tatiana chapters, you can check it out if you want to :)
Moscow. July 25, 1918.
Doroteya Filippovna Lavrova.
"Beautiful! Beautiful!" My old patient calls for me, he just had an appendectomy.
"What is it Pavel?" I answer, trying to denote as much patience as possible. Before my recent vision of the future I would have been more kind. But now, everyday is a struggle in order not to cry.
"Can you read to me again?"
"You know I can´t, dear, I have other patients", I reply. He has asked me this just when I finished doing it less than half an hour ago.
"Or maybe she doesn´t want to", Anastasia says as she appears behind me.
"It is really not that, excuse me", I say apologetically to my patient. I take Anastasia to the corridors outside the patients´ beds.
"Well, that was a bit rude", I tell my new friend.
"I never let my patients treat me as anything more than a nurse", she says. "Why do you?"
"They just feel lonely Anastasia, this man´s daughters haven´t come to visit him in a long time, his two sons died in the war and his wife is mad at him, even though he tells me she died years ago".
"How do you know she is alive and mad at him?" Anastasia asks. I forgot I haven´t told Anastasia or her husband anything about my visions, the visions that I involuntarily have since I was a child and can barely control. I never tell anyone outside my family circle.
"Another relative of his told me", I lie. I have only known Anastasia Kiriova and her husband Valeriy Kirilov for three days, but I already feel like they have been part of the family for years, which is why I sometimes forget I should not share my strange ability with them, two complete strangers.
Anastasia started working as a nurse three days ago in the same hospital I do, where my husband Andrei also works as a surgeon. She had also asked for a place to stay for herself and her injured husband. I let them stay with me, my husband, and my five-year-old daughter Katya on a whim, without even asking Andrei. Luckily for me, he never stays angry for too long, and Valeriy and him have become good pals. Valeriy and Anastasia stay on the room for visitors, one me and my maid Sonia had to clean up before they could use it.
Valeriy was shot by a robber who took all of their money while he and Anastasia were staying in Moscow temporarily on their way to visit a friend. At least that is what they have told me, and I give them the benefit of the doubt even though I could easily figure out whether what they are saying is true. It is rude to spy on people you know personally. The story is convincing enough, ever since the revolution, the streets haven´t been safe, it has become chaos out there. Just last week Andrei was robbed and assaulted, luckily he didn´t have much money with him, and they just gave him a black eye that is almost healed.
Valeriy stays all day in bed, and Anastasia takes care of him devotedly. Sometimes we take him out to the garden of our house on a wheelchair. My daughter is very funny with him.
Me and Anastasia continue giving meals, changing bandages, and assisting in surgeries.
We have a special place in the left wing for people infected with contagious diseases such as typhus, only certain doctors and nurses can enter, but there are too few of us for so many sick. We receive soldiers coming from both the south and eastern fronts, thankfully not too many. Most arrive in terrible conditions, and have barely been treated in the trains; the whole country is running short of medical supplies.
If it wasn´t for Dr. Markov, the founder and, at least for now, owner of the hospital, we might have been as lost and short of basic needs as most hospitals nowadays ever since the war. He works tirelessly along with the rest of the doctors in the hospital to make this place a true sanctuary, a place people who are in pain or weak can heal with peace and tranquility. He is working especially hard now that the funds are running low. We obtain most things from the black market, and my sisters have friends in my village who sell us fresh food cheaper.
Dr. Markov is an extremely strict man, so strict sometimes Andrei resents it and tells me the funniest stuff about him with a very convincing stern voice that perfectly imitates him, my Andrei has always been jealous of him, he is so passionate about what he does that he becomes frustrated whenever he knows someone has more experience, as much as he also admires Dr. Markov, he is also very competitive. I find the way Andrei tries to hide it endearing, I always pretend I don´t notice that the new subjects he studies with especial enthusiasm generally become important to him only when Dr. Markov mentions them. I have been thinking about every single thing I love about Andrei recently. It is what I think about most of the day.
Dr. Markov is strict with shifts, with anti-epidemic measures, baths and laundries for the patients. He doesn´t like it when we try new methods without his consent, and he is insists we are especially careful when it comes to taking care of the fragile technological equipment, such as the x rays, and the handling of the donated blood and its subsequent classification for the purpose of transfusions. Dr. Markov is really up to date with all the new advancements, and even then he becomes annoyed when he isn´t able to modernize the hospital as fast as he would like.
Despite him trying to stay in good graces with the new government for the sake of everyone working here, as well as his patients, something tells me his time in charge is coming to an end; maybe this year, maybe the next one. I don´t know how to feel about it, he is a great man, and I don´t like the new establishment, but the healthcare in this country is already terrible, like 1 doctor for 6000 villagers in some places levels of terrible, and not all workers can afford hospitalization. The war, and now this civil war, has only made it worse.
My friend Dafna, who works in this hospital and is more liberal than either Andrei or me, says that socialist healthcare will benefit the nation as a whole. I don´t want to be naïve, but I really hope at least the healthcare system does improve after the war is over. Whether it is socialism that will make that happen or not is something I will have to find out. I can barely have visions about the future of an individual, let alone about the future of a nation.
My shift has finished now, as is Anastasia´s, but I am not sure about my husband, it depends on whether there were complications on his last surgery or not.
"Help me find my husband before you leave, Anastasia", I tell my friend, "if he is still in surgery you can leave first". Anastasia nods. Our house is a few streets away from here, we usually walk home unless it is too dark already. The surgery does take longer than usual, so Anastasia goes ahead while I wait outside the room.
I immediately run towards him for an embrace once he is outside, this never gets old.
"What was it this time?" I ask my husband as we walk home.
"8-year-old boy broke his tibia, you know, fell while playing football. He wasn´t in my schedule today, he arrived recently."
"Oh, poor thing", I say.
"I knew you would say that Doroteya, but children are stupid", my husband answers, as always.
"Come on, darling", I say, "you wouldn't have such interest in pediatrics if you didn't love children." He is always so fun with his patients, especially with children.
"Oh, no, with one it is enough, Katya is the only child I like", Andrei says. "And I am glad it is a girl, and a girly girl, I couldn't deal with either a boy or a tomboy jumping around, climbing trees and trying to make me die of a heart attack at 28!" I roll my eyes, but then laugh.
"Well, you might not like this then, but I saw a boy in a vision". Andrei stops on his tracks and looks at me with awe.
"You are pregnant?"
"Will be pregnant", I reply. And he laughs loudly and carries me off my feet, he believes me. He knows everything about me. We cover each other's faces and lips with kisses. He keeps kissing my nose for a while, this would have annoyed me before, not now.
"Wait a second", Andrei says when he stops kissing me, then he points his index finger at me. "Is that the reason you have been so especially affectionate so recently? Because you wanted to have another baby?" He shrugs. "I mean, I am not complaining but… sometimes I need to sleep, Doroteya."
"No Andrei", I say as a roll my eyes. "I saw the baby, so even at our normal rate we would still have it".
"Shame it is a boy", he says.
"Oh, don't be dramatic", I respond, and then he takes my hand and looks at me.
"I am happy", he says, and he kisses the side of my head, then we keep on walking.
"Ugh, I want to get home already", I say. "I am hungry".
"Not even pregnant yet and already with cravings", Andrei teases me.
We enter our apartment and find Anastasia in the dining room writing a letter on the table under the light. She becomes a bit startled when we arrive and quickly folds her letter to put it away, but smiles at us to appear natural. It is a bit suspicious.
"Good evening, I am not much of a cook", she greets us, "but I helped Sonia prepare us something to eat."
"Thank you, Anastasia, that is nice of you", my husband says. I am still stuck looking for any other weird signs, but I hide it with a smile.
Me, Andrei, Anastasia and our daughter eat together. Valeriy had already eaten in his room, and Sonia prefers to eat alone. I am fighting my urge to see what that letter is about and I fail miserably. Only portions of it appear on by mind. I understand very little of her handwriting, but it is there. Dear C.L.: We are safe, it says, is Ms. R there yet? What Ms. R? This is our new address, we are living with a really decent couple, dear Ms. R will understand that we found many boring places around the city, but one of the theaters has fairly interesting plays we haven't seen yet, we are planning to do so tomorrow after work. And most damning of all: We can't tell you anything yet until dear Ms. R arrives, scared of talking nonsense. What theater? They didn't tell us anything about going to the theater tomorrow. I worry I might have brought something dangerous to my house, I worry this might all turn out to be my fault. I know my daughter will be safe, but what about my husband?
I go back to reality, or to the present, and hope it wasn't too obvious I wasn't paying attention to the conversation between Anastasia and Andrei about new advancements on ways to treat abdominal wounds. Even my daughter seems more interested than me, which isn't normal. It occurs to me she might want to be a nurse like me when she grows older and my mood completely changes for the better.
After dinner, Katya goes to her room to play, and Andrei takes this opportunity to spend time with our daughter. Anastasia helps me wash the dishes, and then she excuses herself to go to her and Valeriy's room once she is finished.
When I get to my daughter's room I find her wearing a stethoscope and playing with Andrei, who is clearly the patient in this situation.
"I am going to give you some aspirin", Katya says in a serious voice. She is really disappointed to know it is time to go to bed, and even more so when her dad supports my decision by saying goodnight to her with a kiss on the cheek and going back to our room.
I calm my very upset daughter, help her put on her nightgown and tuck her into bed. As always, she asks me for a story.
I tell my daughter the story of Ivan and the Chesnut Horse, which is an immensely popular tale. I wonder why I had not told her about it before. Maybe I had just forgotten, I talk to her about the Romanovs so often…
"I love how at the end Ivan gets to marry the princess, he deserves it because he is so good, I was surprised, but I like it!" Katya exclaims.
"I am glad you liked it my darling, now it is time to go to bed", I tell my daughter.
"Tell me more about the Grand Duchesses! Where are they now? In Ekaterinburg? Are they still there? What are they doing now?" She talks and asks the questions with excitement.
They are some of the many people I see on my visions, something that used to happen very often because I willed my mind to do so. I used to tell my daughter real stories about the Grand Duchesses that I learned about thanks to this strange gift from God. Little Anastasia´s pranks, Maria´s kindness, Olga´s intelligence, and of course, I tried to make Katya behave sometimes by telling her that Grand Duchess Tatiana Nikolaevna, the most beautiful of all, always obeyed her parents. What can I say? What little girl does not like to hear about princesses? And how could I not use my ability, that is a curse most of the time, for something that genuinely makes her happy? I regret it now, however, these are real girls, real women, real life. Bad things happen, what do I tell her now? That their parents were murdered in front of them?
"They are still together in Ekaterinburg, dying of boredom", I lie with a smile, my daughter laughs out loud as if my joke were actually funny. There is nothing new about them her innocent five-year-old ears should hear. Could I tell her that two men came for the little brother and I got so upset that I completely stopped having visions of the Romanovs? That when I do have visions I try to block them out of my mind and then forget about them immediately? That I don't know where any of them are now because their story might not have a happy ending and I am not prepared to see it?
"Can you tell me their futures then? And will I be able to marry the tsesarevich and become the tsarina?" She asks the two questions in a quick succession.
"Remember I can't see the future darling", I answer, endeared by my daughter´s interest. "Now, it is late, time to go to bed". My daughter pouts.
"Can't you tell me another story?" She asks with a sparkle in her eyes, I almost give in. "It can be about anything!"
"No, it is late, I promise I will tell you lots of things tomorrow, I have many interesting stories for you", I answer truthfully, and she seems comforted by this, there are really thousands of stories to tell. This time, I will make sure they are all fictional. I kiss her forehead and caress her dark blond hair while I tuck her into bed. We say our prayers together before I sing to help her sleep, then I turn off the lights and leave to join my husband in bed.
I have seen the future, maybe better than most people with my abilities are able to, but I do not want to tell my daughter any of my possibly inaccurate predictions. My poor child, I should definitely not have filled her little head with this almost fairytale like story that might still end in tragedy.
I had visions about the futures of Olga, Tatiana, Maria, Anastasia and Alexei weeks ago, back when they were still in the Ipatiev house in Ekaterinburg and I thought I had made an obvious mistake, because Marina´s prophecy was, apparently, turning out to be true, and I was no match for a woman who saw 300 years into the future.
Marina's prophecy was not fulfilled, at least not entirely. Seeing the future is hard, and just like in any other vision, you cannot understand what is happening if you only see the middle. Marina did not see the beginning nor the end.
Tsesarvich Alexei didn't die in the Ipatiev house, so the dynasty did not end there, like Marina proclaimed it would.
Something dreadful did happen at that house. Those boring moments in the cellar were the last this loving family would ever spend together. Maybe the dynasty did not end, but the Romanov family was ripped apart. Five innocent children were forced to watch the murder of their parents. Then they were split, maybe forever. That was Marina's vengeance.
But maybe Marina's words simply have not come to pass yet, and just like the Ipatiev monastery was only the beginning for Tsar Michael I, the Ipatiev house might have been just the beginning of the end for Tsesarevich Alexei.
I don´t know if any of the visions I had back then and kept to myself will ever come to pass, except maybe, for the one I had about Alexei.
Predicting the future is harder indeed, few seers are able to do it, let alone do it properly, most who see the future only get nonsensical visions that need to be interpreted in order to make sense.
Sometimes I am completely wrong. Sometimes I have a good vision, that tells me everything I need to know, but I am unable to interpret it properly until the events in question come to pass. Sometimes my visions are correct, but I am still wrong. That is why I stopped telling people their futures for rubles in my village, I experienced many embarrassing moments, some called me a charlatan and never forgot the offence, even now when I visit my family in the village I fear encountering those people. I lost my best and only childhood friend because of one of my predictions. I predicted she would marry the man she loved. My vision, in which I saw her kissing him, only predicted the man would seduce her without marrying her, he left the village the morning after. It was partly my fault he was able to do that, my friend really thought he would keep his word and marry her soon after. Some people started ostracizing her, and Anna never talked to me again. Anna left the village to travel the country and never came back, I really miss her.
My first vision of the Romanovs´ future was that of two shining stars, the brightest I had ever seen, I knew those two stars were the big pair, because I saw their faces in the light. Then I saw three stars, or four stars. The third star, in the middle of the sisters, shone the brightest, because it was made up of two stars, one in front of the other. Now that I have gathered up the courage to focus on their futures again, I see the same thing. I do not know what this means, but it might be a good sign.
I have also seen Maria´s future, which is a worrying sight; there is also a star, but it barely shines, for instants it isn't there, it is so small and insignificant I worry I might have imagined it out of fear for the girl´s future. The star appears and disappears.
Whenever I have visions about the two youngest children my heart sinks, they are the most unsettling of them all. When I think of Alexei´s future I only see darkness; black, unadulterated, pure darkness. I only have visions like that when the person has died, and I have always been correct, without exceptions.
Death is the only thing I can predict accurately when it just happened or is about to. I told many of my acquaintances about their sons´ deaths in battle way before they received any news from the front, I received the knowledge from those visions. Sometimes they did not believe me, but I was never mistaken; many thanked me once they received the news for preparing them for the terrible blow, others blamed me for their deaths, saying I was a witch who murdered their sons. I do not blame them; their grief must be unbearable.
My husband became angry whenever I told the parents I had predicted their sons´ death, saying it was best not to say anything until they received the messages themselves, but I disagreed, I thought they deserved to know as soon as anyone close to them knew. Now I understand my husband's point of view.
I already mourn the poor heir, such a good boy, such compassion for someone so young. In the words of his own late mother, perfect son in law he would have been. I know I must tell my daughter sooner or later, maybe I will tell her tomorrow.
The visions I have about Anastasia´s future, or lack thereof, are the strangest I have ever had. I do not see anything. Not even darkness. If I do perceive something, it is another girl. Every time I focus on someone's future I see something from their past or present whenever I fail, anything; never does my mind go blank like this, never am I presented someone else. Anastasia´s name does give me a bit of hope for her though, the meaning of her name is like hope itself, and their names are what they are for a reason.
I see my own children´s future a lot more easily. I know both my darling baby girl and my not yet conceived baby boy will survive childhood and grow up to have children of their own. I see so much happiness in their futures, but I also see suffering. A war, even greater than the ones taking place right now, is coming. It brings an evil enemy, cruel and vicious as the most radical revolutionaries of today's youth, but way more ambitious and destructive. Maybe this enemy is just a different group of reds, I have seen their flags, they are red, but they have a symbol in the middle, I think I have seen it before, but it is not the hammer and the sickle.
My son will bleed and suffer for the motherland so terribly that it might haunt him for the rest of his days. Another thing that bothers me is that I can't see my daughter´s husband in the visions that take place after that terrible war, and curiously, one of my worst nightmares about that war includes a giant mushroom. My visions of the future are nonsense more often than not.
Some nights I cry myself to sleep thinking about my visions, it has become a daily occurrence. I am doing it right now while hugging my husband, who is already asleep, I want to wake him up, to conceive our child right now, or tomorrow, this entire week, just like we have tried this entire past week. I want to kiss him, become one with him and stay that way for hours. I want to enjoy every last second I get.
I am crying as I wake him up right now, I am going to tell him I am crying because of the tsesarevich, that I need him to console me. But the main reason that I am crying is because two days ago, I started to see darkness in Andrei´s future as well, darkness that is always accompanied by a child´s voice, the child is asking a question over and over again: "Where are you taking me?"
So, what do her visions mean? For real though, I do not know, whoever can make up an end for the Romanov children that makes that vision understandable gets to make up the ending.
I am joking, but I am legit curious of what you guys think it means. I will cling to the hope you will tell me in the comments, it would be interesting to know.