Fireworks Chapter Eighteen: Moving fast and breaking Harry
Harry sat at his desk, looking at the letter from the Ministry Treasury.
'Lord Slytherin
Regarding your lawyer, Mister Davis's submission of a invoice to the Treasury for… professional services we are currently unable to pay this as it needs approval at a higher level. We trust you will be understanding in this matter.
Crawley Slugbottom
Director, Treasury
'
Crawley really had been lucky in his name, thought Harry.
-==0==-
Tonks Residence, 10am precisely.
Harry stepped out of the flaming green fireplace, and drew his wand.
Daphne appeared in the green flames, and as they stopped, she stepped out gracefully.
Harry cast a cleaning charm on Daphne and then himself. Daphne's lips twitched.
Harry adjusted his casual half-robes and waited for Daphne to flick a trace of soot or lint off his robe before giving her hair a slight pat into place and walking towards the sounds of talking.
Harry followed Daphne, who was wearing a green dress with black trims that Harry thought looked nice. Daphne would refuse to be seen in public in it; always posing as Lady Slytherin these days.
Ahead of him, in the kitchen, Andromeda's voice stopped talking to , Harry assumed Teddy, and she said "Oh Daphne dear, you're here. Harry is behind you I assume?"
Harry walked into the kitchen, where Teddy was sitting, with scattered papers and crayons, while Andromeda stood near the stove. Daphne air-kissed Andromeda.
"How are the orphans" said Andromeda, glaring at Harry.
"I have a secretary and she is hiring staff as we speak" said Harry.
Daphne nodded "Mary Carruthers, she's a force for order, to oppose Harry and the children"
Andromeda smiled "Harry dear, you've been very good, taking over the care of those orphans, but you should consider, you and Daphne, having some heirs of the body"
Daphne's lips twitched, and she looked to Harry, and raised her eyebrows.
Harry nodded subtly.
"Andromeda dear, Harry and I have some good news on that front" said Daphne.
Andromeda's face changed from serious to shocked to excited in moments. Harry wondered suddenly if Andromeda didn't have a little of the Black Metamorphagus talent.
"Daphne, how far along" asked Andromeda, here eyes glinting.
Daphne smirked brightly, "Oh I'm not er, doing that bit. We're using surrogates" she said, and smirked some more.
Andromeda frowned "Surrogates.. are they Legal?" she asked.
"In a different jurisdiction, and they are legal-enough there" said Harry.
Andromeda relaxed slightly. "You used a plural" she said calmly.
Daphne snorted "Seven" she said. "We're having seven"
Andromeda's eyes widened in surprise and Harry spoke up "One more Black, two potters, two Slytherins, two Peverells. Teddy's heir designate Black."
Heir designate Black was sticking a crayon up his nose at this instant.
"Teddy Lupin, you take that crayon out of your nose" said Andromeda.
Teddy dropped the crayon, and Winky appeared with a pop, vanished the crayon and tidied up a little.
"Does Mistress want Master Edward put in his room" asked the house elf, in her smart blue dress and white shirt.
"A bath, Winky" said Andromeda, and Winky took Teddy by the hand and led him off, with remarkably little grumbling.
"Why is that elf dressed oddly" asked Daphne.
"I gave her a book about a magical nanny to read" admitted Harry. "It, er went to her head a bit"
Andromeda sighed "A house elf channelling some character called Mary Poppins took some getting used to, but dear Harry gave me Winky so I could get some sleep." she said.
"You gave Andromeda a house elf" asked Daphne.
"Seemed the right thing to do at the time" said Harry.
"Daphne, I assume you had health concerns.. about pregnancy" said Andromeda.
Daphne stood, her hands composed "I did, yes" she said stiffly.
"I am a trained Healer, Daphne, I know all about it" said Andromeda.
"Oh, um, plant injuries, right" said Daphne.
"Young lady have you had any sleep this week?"
"A little" admitted Daphne. "The little ones run the elves ragged"
"And there are staff coming" said Andromeda pointedly.
"I signed parchments today" said Harry.
"Teddy, Winky and I will come to stay until they arrive" said Andromeda.
Daphne looked hopeful yet pensive.
"Oh I'm not taking over your house" said Andromeda. "Just giving you some help"
Daphne relaxed a bit.
"Are you using a glamour" asked Andromeda, eyeing Daphne's slight slouch.
Daphne nodded.
"I'll come this afternoon" said Andromeda. "Where exactly are your unborn children" she asked.
Harry spoke up "Australia." he said.
Andromeda blinked "Why?" she said stiffly.
Daphne sighed "It's not objectively illegal there, they speak English, pounds or galleons go a long way"
"And they spell colour properly" said Harry.
"How did you and mister scrabble there talk seven witches into bearing surrogates" asked Andromeda.
Daphne smiled slyly "We talked seven muggles into being part of a surrogate birth program at a private hospital"
"Quite" said Andromeda. "And the Doctors, nurses?"
"All work for us" said Harry. "All the actual surrogacy was done with a pair of potions.. and well, us"
"And when are they due?"
"Next year"
"Nine and half months after your wedding?" asked Andromeda.
"Or thereabouts" said Daphne.
"And you'll keep your girlish figure" said Andromeda.
"I need to get back to the Duelling circuit next season. I have a score to settle" said Daphne.
"What about with him" said Andromeda, nodding towards a smug looking Harry.
"Oh I've beaten him most days we've duelled" said Daphne.
"Are you taking precautions" asked Andromeda hurriedly. "He's..."
"I wear armour, and we use the same potion as everyone else" said Daphne, with a cheeky smile.
"Are you sure it's safe" asked Andromeda.
"Oh I'd never Fight him, that's suicidal, but in a duel, with rules, he's ,well I beat him on our second duel."
"You beat Harry"
"Stone golem from behind, lousy situational awareness" said Daphne
"I beat you the first time" said Harry.
"One ludicrously overpowered knockback jinx" said Daphne.
"How.. how did he win if he's..."
"Oh, in a Fight, it'd be like cursing a thunderstorm. His blasting curses are.. well eight death eaters, one curse" said Daphne.
"Oh" said Andromeda.
"He's doing all right on speed drills" said Daphne. "Given time, he could be a decent duellist"
"I'm right here" said Harry.
"Harry, how have you been dealing with the orphans"
"Um… hiding in my office" admitted Harry.
Andromeda looked surprised at this then cackled. "Harry Potter, typical pureblood lord"
"I thought you were worried about becoming your mother" said Harry.
"I'm going to just accept that you married a properly brought up pureblood witch, and live like any other purebred lord, hiding from your children."
"There are twenty of them" said Harry.
"How many in total"
"Forty two orphans" said Daphne, and nodded.
"Forty Nine. You're going for forty Nine" said Andromeda, stunned.
"The last child will be very special" said Daphne.
"Do you know genders?" asked Andromeda.
"The healers, disguised as doctors know." said Daphne "We're waiting to find out."
"Will you have Salic inheritance?" asked Andromeda.
Harry frowned "I don't know what that is" he admitted.
"Inheritance by males only" said Daphne.
"Equality" said Harry. "Though, Slytherin is a bit… tricky. Parselmouths only"
Daphne smiled faintly "My lord has spoken" she said, deadpan.
"So the firstborn is Heir Slytherin" asked Andromeda.
"Unless they can't speak Parsel." said Harry. "Then Black, Potter, Peverell."
"And around again for the last three, Slytherin, Potter, Peverell" said Daphne.
-==0==-
Harry flooed off to the ministry in his casual robes.
The crowds of staff and visitors started at his appearance. He pulled his wand out and cast Grandpa Salazar's robes spell with a strangled hiss. Harry's robes turned into heavy silver robes with green trim, all snake-themed. Still feeling underdressed, as he walked towards the security checkpoint, he hissed 'hat' and a crumpled silver-green pointed wizards hat appeared on Harry's head, it's straps hanging down past Harry's ears to his shoulders, the brim broad. It looked a lot like a greener, more silver sorting hat, but not patched and dirty. "hesah" Harry hissed and the hat shifted on his head, and someone behind Harry cried out "Oh Merlin It's got EYES".
Screaming started behind Harry, and he carried on towards the security wizard, as if nothing was going on.
Behind Harry, people were pushing and shoving ,crowding for the exit floos.
Harry walked so casually up to the security wizard and extended his Holly wand, butt first.
"My wand" said Harry.
The security wizard looked at Harry's heavy, silvery metal robes, his silver capped boots, and the hat, which looked, in a certain light, as if it was a coiled snake on Harry's' head, with a brim.
"Lord Slytherin" said the wizard, swallowing audibly. He took the wand with a shaking hand and placed it on the little machine, and read the ticket that spat out "Holly and Phoenix feather" he said.
"Yes, that's me" said Harry.
"Um, what's your um, business with the ministry today?" asked the wizard "For the visitors pass" he said, swiftly.
"Visiting the Minister, then the Treasury. Some unpaid invoices" said Harry.
"Oh, that's all then" said the guard, nervously, scribbled on a card and after some fumbling, handed Harry a visitors pass. Harry stuck it to his robes with a tap of his wand.
Harry gave the guard a cheery wave and walked to the now deserted lifts.
"He's just seen my eyes" hissed the hat as Harry approached the lifts. "He's covered his face with his hands"
"Thank you hat" hissed Harry.
Harry took the empty lift to level one, Ministerial services.
The lift opened and Harry got out, to empty corridors; well and the off wizard and witch peeking out of doors and hiding.
Harry continued along the hall to Kingsley's office, where Kingsleys secretary was sitting at her desk, looking tense
"Hello Carol, any chance of seeing Kingsley" said Harry.
Carol smiled thinly and pressed a brass button on her desk "Lord Slytherin to see you sir" she said.
Something was replied, but where Harry stood it was so much gabled noise.
"Kingsley will see you right now" said Carol, and the door opened.
Harry walked in and there was Kingsley Shacklebolt, Minister of magic looking tired and put upon.
"Harry" said Kingsley. "You're looking particularly Slytherin today"
"Grandpa Sal has a great couple of spells, they make the whole outfit" said Harry "He says it's great for going from the lab to a meeting without getting changed"
"So, you didn't dress up like this," asked Kingsley, curiosity overwhelming surprise and annoyance.
"Casual robes and loafers. Don't tell my wife" said Harry.
"Her Lady Slytherin costume is quite...attention grabbing" said Kingsley.
"I honestly can't tell the difference" said Harry "But then I am a newlywed, and all that" he said, with a faint smile.
"You're here about the invoice for professional services" said Kingsley.
Harry nodded.
"I can't pay it Harry, I can't authorise that kind of expenditure. I can only spend eighty thousand galleons without wizengamot approval" said Kingsley. "And you know what a fiasco the wizengamot is"
"And getting them to accept taking loans?" asked Harry.
Kingsley nodded "The Finance committee has stopped arguing about it, and for this year at least will borrow from the goblins at seven per cent"
"That hasn't been tabled yet" said Harry.
Kingsley held a hand to his head "Harry Potter actually knows about a wizengamot process?" he said theatrically.
"I'm not that bad" said Harry.
"You threatened half the members with gulbratian fire in your maiden speech as Lord Slytherin" said Kingsley.
Harry chuckled "I did didn't I" he said.
"So, your payment will have to be a bill, even to pay with a loan"
"Which you have to do, you don't have the gold" said Harry.
Kingsley nodded.
"Did you wife put you up to this?" asked Kingsley
"I talked the sorting hat into putting me in Griffindor" said Harry. "In hindsight, being Grandpa Sal's descendant, it was probably more like an order" Harry admitted.
"So not your wife?"
"My dear wife, sweet woman that she is would never dream of 'putting me up to' billing the wizengamot." said Harry.
Kingsley stared at Harry "I'm not sure if you're joking" he said finally.
"We have an island in the Caribbean, and my wife wears a bikini there. She is a sweet sweet woman" said Harry, smirking slightly.
"She is a very, er, handsome witch" said Kingsley.
Harry nodded. "And really, she'd rather duel than deal with the wizengamot"
"You duel with her? How is that safe?" asked Kingsley, remembering Harry at the battle of Hogwarts.
"I think I can handle duelling my wife without injuring her" said Harry.
Kingsley relaxed, then sighed "I'll put a bill together to pay you, but it won't pass" he said.
"I know" said Harry.
"You know?"
"I'm going to sue for nonpayment, and my lawyer says all reasonable steps must be taken first"
"Harry, if you use the ministry, you'll lose"
"Yes" said Harry. "And then I'll appeal."
"You'll never win"
"But while I'm suing the ministry, the wizengamot and the ministry can't levy me"
"How long are you planing on spinning this out"
"Forever" said Harry bluntly. "My children and my childrens children will learn of this unpaid debt at my knee"
Kingsleys mouth opened. "You're talking about a blood feud with the ministry"
"In all but name" said Harry.
"Even so, you still won't win the suit" said Kingsley.
"Did you hit up the Unspeakables for their recent windfall" asked Harry.
"Er, no" said Kingsley, it seems to have… The bastard… he memory charmed me"
"Croaker is a turd" said Harry offhandedly.
Kingsley pressed a button on his dsek and said harshly "Carol, get me Croaker. Now."
Harry clicked his fingers and wavered briefly. "Notice me not… sort of" said Harry.
Croaker apparated into Kingsleys office, grey robes fluttering.
"Yezzz" it buzzed.
"The money Croaker, the money you found recently. We're taking it to the consolidated fund"
"My budget is separate and not subject to ministerial interference" said Croaker.
"And it is, this is gold you found, and the Ministry budget's got a hole you could herd a nundu through, so the gold, Croaker. Have some junior unspeakable transfer it to the Department of Treasury by nightfall or I'll let my debt collector interfere"
"Your debt collector?" buzzed Croaker, hand on one hip, looking somewhat amused.
Harry shimmered. "Hello Croaker, long time no see"
Croaker turned and caught sight of Harry through its hood. "Oh" it buzzed.
Kingsley smiled "So be a nice director and give Treasury the gold or I'll give Harry a visitors pass. Remember what happened last time he visited.
Croaker held up its hands "All right" it buzzed. "By nightfall"
"Croaker, get right on it. I will use Harry as a stick" said Kingsley.
Croaker apparated out.
"Oh god, now I'm going to be as infamous as Diadora Lufkin, the Dark minister." said Kingsely.
"Never heard of her" said Harry.
"Because Hogwarts is rubbish at History" said Kingsley. Harry winced. "Fuck" Harry swore.
"What's wrong Harry?"
"Salazar Slytherin's house ring tortures me if I someone tells someone about a failing of Hogwarts."
said Harry.
"What?" said Kingsley.
"Remember the stink about girls getting assaulted?" said Harry "My Wife told me that, next thing I'm in pain."
"Minerva did work very quickly to improve things… and those necklaces" said Kingsley.
"It stopped hurting, just a twinge now and then" said Harry stiffly.
"I take it it's hurting now."
"I'm going to have to find a better history teacher, or cut my finger off" said Harry, gritting his teeth.
"Where will you find a History teacher on short notice?" asked Kingsley, offering Harry a lavender potion that Harry refused.
"I know a woman..." said Harry, shaking his hand.
"Lufkin famously used imperio at Directors meetings." said Kingsley. "The Dark minister"
"Oh, how long ago was that" said Harry.
"eighteen oh two. Her secretary assassinated her with a sharpened scone" said Kingsley.
"Wow… you wouldn't see that coming" said Harry, wincing again "Sorry, um… any chance of slinging some of that gold to me?"
"I'll make sure you get the credit for Croaker coughing up. How did you know they had gold?"
"Long story, family magic, got to go" said Harry wincing again.
Harry turned and Kingsley saw on the back of Harry's hat a pair of slitted yellow eyes. They blinked. Kingsley, being a brave ex-auror said hoarsely "Your hat has eyes" just as Harry was leaving.
"Yes, eyes in the back of my hat, handy isn't it" said Harry.
As he walked away, Carol screamed. The rest of level one competed.. and the screaming faded into into the distance. Kingsley went back to parchmentwork. One sheet at a time.
...
Harry came back an hour later, looking happier.
Kingsley had three red memos spread out in front of him.
"One red memo from Treasury. They got an expanded wooden crate full of gold bars." said Kingsely.
"Oh, how much is in it?"
"They don't know." said Kingsley. "They gave up after the room they were using was full."
"The goblins like gold" said Harry.
"You may get your payment"
"Well that would be nice" said Harry.
"I assume You found a new History teacher."
"Oh, that is a bit amusing. Isabelle Lufkin, late of The Shoe, was fired under the muggleborn registration act, went on the run, and has been living in a family ruin, making ends almost meet as a Tutor." said Harry.
"A Lufkin, they're not muggleborns… I mean… they're" said Kingsley.
"A family who are nearly broke, who have no friends anywhere. Her mother, daughter of 'The Dark minster' married a muggle, because no wizard would talk to her. Isabelle went to Hull, and has nine cats."
"Who was her grand father?"
"My contact didn't say, but did say not to ask. Given the minsters predilections."
"Oh great merlins.… imperio" said Kingsley. "Are you sure the Board of Governors will accept her?"
"The Board acts in a purely Advisory capacity now" said Harry crossing his arms "Miss Lufkin is apparently an excellent History teacher, but has a unfortunate family history."
"Most purebloods would run a mile rather than be in a room with her" said Kingsley.
"Something like that, fortunately Hogwarts hasn't had a decent history teacher in a century, so none on the staff or students know"
"Have you interviewed her?"
"Oh lord no. I got her address, owled her a pre-filled application letter; My Secretary Mary is a godsend"
"You sent her a pre-filled application"
"I know Alexa Foley at DMLE, Miss Lufkin's on Alexa's list as a 'please save', and the rest should be history."
"How do you know she'll actually apply."
"The letter is a portkey. Trigger is 'I wish'. And it's written at the bottom of the letter"
"You can make portkeys into Hogwarts"
"And apparate there." said Harry, waving the snake ring about. "Does some useful things"
"The third memo is a complaint about me using Harry Potter to bully the ministry." said Kingsley.
"I think it will be good for your reputation" said Harry. "Every other Minister has had some thing going on, now you blend in. You'll probably find the, ahem older families are more accepting of you if it looks like you're bent"
"Harry!" said Kingsley "That's a very cynical attitude"
"Anyway, I look forward the my fees being paid." said Harry, sitting down.
"What do you need all that money for anyway?"
"Well, two million's getting reinvested into the family businesses. They will hopefully make more money, my lawyer and account manager seemed to think at least a million was required to modernise them." said Harry thoughtfully.
"So that money will be spent almost immediately" said Kingsley. "That will put money in a lot of builder and maker's purses"
Harry nodded "And then I can stop penny pinching and get the manors and castle properly repaired. Urgent maintenance was a hundred thousand this year, and Black Manor is basically uninhabitable."
"Going to be a lot of rich cleaners and curse breakers" said Kingsley.
"And all the orphans I adopted who are black family will have somewhere to live." said Harry.
"About that, you've basically taken all the orphans from St Mungos?" asked Kingsley.
"Yes. This way they get a decent upbringing, and new clothes" said Harry.
"Well ,that sounds like a lot of spending" said Kingsley.
"And we're setting up an school for under eleven-year olds at Slytherin castle" said Harry "Mostly for the orphans, but there are some other children going to be coming too"
"I never say you as being the school business" said Kingsley.
"Grandpa Sal founded one" said Harry. "He did alright"
Kingsley scratched his head "It's hard to reconcile Harry Potter with being Lord Slytherin, descendant of the founder of Hogwarts" said Kingsley.
"Well, it was mums family" said Harry.
"Wasn't she a muggleborn?"
"Long line of squibs from Grandpa Sal" said Harry. "Only his daughter had the um, heritage to pass on the family magic" said Harry, pointing to the hat.
"You're really changing things" said Kingsley.
"Well, only little things" said Harry "Almost all the muggleborn teachers who got fired in ninety eight are probably being hired for Salazar Slytherins School for little Snakes"
"You're calling it that?"
"My adopted children are all technically Slytherins, so little snakes" said Harry.
"You were a Griffindor though?"
"My wife likes the name" said Harry. "So it's staying"
Kingsley smiled very briefly.
"Anything else drastic you're going to do with the money?" asked the Minster for Magic.
"Well, I am funding a housing program for the vagrants of Knockturn alley." said Harry.
"Why?" asked Kingsley
"Because it's cheap and people deserve somewhere to live." said Harry.
"Harry, we've tried to get bills passed to do this" said Kingsley.
"Well, I'm doing it, and getting started only cost a thousand galleons. The homeless get rooms in the flop houses"
"That's not exactly a housing program" said Kingsley.
"It's better than sleeping in the streets" said Harry "How people don't die all winter!"
"Warming charms, lots of warming charms" lied Kingsley.
"And the ones without wands?" asked Harry slightly pointedly.
Kingsley had the grace to look away.
"So I should finds wands for everyone that needs them too" asked Harry.
"Harry, with Olivander… unwell there aren't that many wands around" said Kingsley
"And Gregorovich is dead too" mused Harry "I wonder if we can get wands from the Americans?"
"Oh Harry, MACUSA are as much of a pain to deal with as the wizengamot" said Kingsley.
"If I paid for an American wand maker to come over with stock, could you get permits?" asked Harry "I could get all the wandless wands, and they'd be able to get proper jobs."
"We managed to get some wands" said Kingsley.
"How many?"
"Seventy four" said Kingsley "The recipients did quite well"
"Well, I can do that" said Harry.
"Why Harry?" asked Kingsley
"Because Kingsley, the last dark lord grew up in an orphanage, child of a witch who grew up in squalor. It's literally the life story of Voldemort." said Harry, crossing his arms crossly.
"So you adopting those orphans" said Kingsley, trailing off.
"Is just simple common sense. Bring up kids nicely, bingo, no dark wizards and witches" said Harry. "Just keep it quiet, No need to scare the children"
"You weren't in Slytherin" said Kingsley "But you're actually quite devious"
"Nothing devious about me" said Harry.
"And you're not shaping up to be the next dark lord, or grey lord" said Kingsley.
Harry laughed "I mean, what even is a Grey lord. Someone who's not all good or all bad: isn't that everyone"
Kingsley rolled his eyes "You are, at least soon, a powerful wizard and very rich" he said.
"A pauper compared to the Malfoys" said Harry.
"They were pretty heavily fined" said Kingsley.
"Their annual income is quite large" said Harry. "Mine is thirty thousand galleons"
"Oh" said Kingsley, sounding rather surprised..
"And that's why I need to spend two million on fixing up the family businesses" said Harry. "And I need to hire nannies and cleaners and cooks"
"Do you mind saying where the rest of the money is going?" asked Kingsley.
"A lot into Gringotts, and about half invested, probably muggle companies"
"Muggle?" said Kingsley, surprised.
"They didn't have a war two years ago." said Harry.
-==0==-
Harry watched a group of six child-care witches take on the young orphans. From a safe distance.
Within days, the yelling had stopped, shoes were not everywhere, and the house elves didn't all have food stains on their pillowcases all the time.
Harry took to taking breaks from translating by sitting in a chair in the front hall of Black Manor, watching crews of cleaners descend on the place. The Carrow twins were gratefully somewhere out the back. Harry had sent one crew to clean up the largest theoretically habitable outbuilding for the staff.
One of the cleaning crews came to ask about Doxy infested curtains
"Vanish and replace" said Harry, "Show my wife samples of fabrics"
"That going to cost a lot"
"Define a lot"
"Tens of thousands more galleons"
"Do it" said Harry "Doxy infested things always smell"
Mary came to see him after a week.
"Lord Potter"
"Harry, call me Harry"
"There are no more builders or cleaners available" she said "We have hired all available companies"
"Well, we need another company, get the staff from Alexa Foley at DMLE" said Harry.
"Who will run the company"
"Get the manager from"
"Alexa Foley at DMLE" said Mary, nodding.
"Yes. And a fruit basket for Alexa." said Harry. Mary shook her head, smiling.
"That company will run out of work once your manor and castles are restored" said Mary.
"Well, good thing we're not trying to make a profit"
"We're not?"
"Not for that, just get the school set up and places clean" Harry stopped talking.
A carpenter walked past floating a long oak post as thick as Crabbe. Clearly there was some structural rot too.
Harry blinked "How is your room, Mary" he asked.
"Rustic" admitted Mary.
"Take a crew and do yourself new rooms first" said Harry. "You'll be better rested"
"How did you get good at managing people" asked Mary.
"By making mistakes" said Harry "We were on the run starving for a year in a tent. Get your rooms comfortable, and put up the new cleaning company here. Then make sure the school is next. The over five year old children need to be taught things, and the teachers need proper beds and things"
"Its better than what we had" said Mary.
"And I lived in a cupboard till I was eleven. Your rooms, the school, then here"
-==0==-
Harry Potter was actually translating one of Salazar's books into English with the help of a dicta-quill when Dreedle popped in. "A visitor Master. Headmistress McGonagon"
"McGonagall" said Harry, standing up. Daphne looked up from the couch where she was reading another elderly scroll "Oh, why is she visiting?"
"Don't get up, love" said Harry, and went to the Hall to see Headmistress McGonagall.
She was wearing her good emerald dress and a particularly pointy Hat. Harry's old teacher was looking around the hall with interest. "A very nice house you have here, Mister Potter" she said, a faint smile on her face. Harry noticed that there was a neat row of shoes by the front door, that stretched for yards.
"Yes, um, I think" said Harry, and the sound of small children yelling started. Headmistress McGonagall flinched slightly and Harry listened briefly, and relaxed. "Just the temporary class breaking for snacks" said Harry. "Do come into the study, it's quiet."
Professor McGonagall entered the study and Harry closed the door, blocking out the fading sound of small children.
"Mrs Potter, not making a fashion statement today" said Headmistress McGonagall. Daphne was wearing casual robes in emerald and sliver and Harry noticed, emerald velvet slippers.
"I am at home" said Daphne, getting up "So pleased to have you visit. We're translating today" she said, waving a gloved hand at all the parchment.
"Cotton Gloves?" asked Professor McGonagall "Are you hurt"
"Protects the scrolls from my skin oils" said Daphne. "And reduces dust related irritation"
"Hmm" said Professor McGonagall "I'm here to talk about my new History Professor"
Daphne's eyebrows raised.
"Oh, she did take the job?" asked Harry, fairly sure of the answer.
"Professor Isabelle Lufkin is our new History Professor. We had to move the classroom so that Professor Binns won't interfere." said Headmistress McGonagall. "She arrived most unexpectedly, but her credentials are honest, and Old Lady Desmond at the Shoe assures me she was a good teacher, if fond of cats"
"Is she settling in all right?" asked Daphne, after giving Harry a 'we will talk about this later look'
"The students are having mixed feelings about it. They no longer sleep through History of Magic" said Headmistress McGonagall.
"I understand some people might be a little concerned about her… family tree" said Harry.
"A few of the ahem, better educated students are concerned but she seems like a good teacher, and she certainly isn't up to anything after classes."
"You're keeping tabs on her?"
"Tabbies as it were. She has a cat that looks quite like my Animagus form" said Headmistress McGonagall. "She talks to her cats, marks homework and pines over trashy romances."
"A typical female teacher" said Daphne.
"Miss Greengrass was often found with her nose in a trashy romance" said Headmistress McGonagall.
"I transfigured the covers, nobody could know" said Daphne.
"And I am an expert at transfiguration. When you transfigure a book, and only change the cover, the pages give away that it's a muggle paperback"
Daphne crossed her arms "So is she settling in well" asked Daphne.
"There were a few hiccups" said Headmistress McGonagall. "She was very excited to meet Sybil."
"Oh" said Harry. "But less enthused after she met Sybil"
"Isabelle was a bit… disappointed" said Headmistress McGonagall, smiling. Isabelle had all but accused Sybil of being a massive fraud on her second day.
"Disappointed how?" asked Daphne and Harry realised he was about to be in pain. Again.
"Well, as you know Sybil, while an intermittent Seer, is a terrible divination teacher." said Headmistress McGonagall.
Harry winced in pain, and kicked his desk in frustration.
"Harry Dear, what's wrong" asked Daphne.
"Ring… hurting again. Need to find a better divination teacher" ground out Harry, trying very hard not to swear. Daphne dashed across the rug and hugged Harry. "Oh I'm sorry Dear" she said.
"Salazar Slytherin's ring again" asked Headmistress McGonagall.
"Daphne, be a dear and floo Alexa Foley over at DMLE and see if she'd got a Divination teacher?"
"Mister Potter, there are no good Divination teachers, the field is needlessly woolly. Why, I have a good mind to cancel the course completely" said Headmistress McGonagall.
Harry gave a sharp cry and staggered "Please Headmistress.. Sal's ring doesn't like that kind of talk"
"Nonsense Mister Potter, The school cancelled teaching Xlomancy when I was a student and nothing of value was lost"
Harry winced "Can you not say that" he groaned. Daphne called a house elf and pressed a potion on Harry, which he drank. He stopped wincing and clutching his hand but swayed oddly. Daphne guided him to a couch where he sat, his head wobbling.
"What ever did you give him?" asked Headmistress McGonagall.
"A confounding concoction. He's still in pain, just doesn't know it" said Daphne. "Salazar Slytherins ring punishes Harry is he learns of a failing of Hogwarts. He's just got over the History Professor problem, and now he needs to find a new Divination Professor. And a xylomancy professor too apparently. What is that?"
"Divination using pieces of wood" said Professor McGonagall. "Just because I mention that Hogwarts no longer offers a class, does not make it a failing of the school" said Headmistress McGonagall.
Daphne's face went quite blank "Yes" said Daphne "You are right" she said. "Do you have any idea where we might find a Divination teacher who is not an utter fraud, and another who can teach Xylomancy?"
"Perhaps one of the other schools in Europe has a recent graduate who.." Daphne cast a stunner at Harry and he fell bonelessly unconscious over the the couch.
"Why did you do that" said Headmistress McGonagall, her wand half drawn.
"You were about to make a value judgement about kinds of magic. The ring judges against the standards of the tenth century. Judges all staff, including you. Harry is literally in pain because you detest divination." said Daphne.
"But its uselessly woolly and impractical" said Headmistress McGonagall.
"But Salazar Slytherin or a subsequent Headmaster didn't think so. If Harry finds out about a difference, he will be the embodiment of the phrase 'it pains me to hear that'."
"And the ring cannot be removed"
"No" said Daphne. "I would like my husband back, so We need to find divination and xylomancy professors."
"My apologies, Lady Slytherin, I did not understand just how tightly Harry's ancestor bound him to the school" said Headmistress McGonagall.
"Well, we have a floo, plenty of parchment and ink. Who shall we call first?" said Daphne.
Professor McGonagall looked troubled. "If Harry finds out about other courses we no longer offer, he will be hurt again won't he?"
"Necromancy and ghoul studies?" asked Daphne.
"You knew?" said Headmistress McGonagall
"The classrooms are still there" said Daphne.
"I think therefore we will be calling Durmstrang" said Headmistress McGonagall.
"This is not going to look good" muttered Daphne.
The Headmaster of Durmstrang, Ivan Kibedi, was surprised to say the least to hear from Minerva McGonagall.
More surprised when two heads were on the Floo call.
"We have ICW level NEWT graduates in Divination yes, but you will want one who speaks English?" said Headmaster Kibedi.
"That would be helpful" said Headmistress McGonagall.
"We had an O'Reilly last year, He speaks English natively, and might be interested in teaching."
"Is he… politically acceptable?" asked Headmistress McGonagall.
Headmaster Kibedi rolled his eyes "O'Reilly is good at divination. Too good to be honest."
"Unnaturally good?"
"I believe he is currently cheating at games of chance semi-professionally" said Headmaster Kibedi.
"And why would he want to teach?" asked Headmistress McGonagall
"I am not sure he does, but he could see the value of being in a distant country, where the casino operators cannot find him" said Headmaster Kibedi.
"A crook" said Headmistress McGonagall.
"But actually good at divination. His NEWT practical was…. Eye-opening." said Headmaster Kibedi "He used seven different divination techniques successfully, one after another."
"Oh my" said Daphne. "That would be… educational. We need O'Reilly."
"I will Owl him" said Headmistress McGonagall.
"We will send an offer that is a portkey" said Daphne.
"And You are?" said Headmaster Kibedi.
"Lady Slytherin. We own a controlling stake in the school" said Daphne.
"Oh.. him" said Headmaster Kibedi.
"His wife" said Headmistress McGonagall "Who came second in this years under twenty one duelling open"
Headmaster Kibedi tipped his head.
"We need a Necromancy Professor" said Daphne "Preferably one who sticks to theory."
"We, ah, don't teach that" said Headmaster Kibedi.
"Post-Mortem Communication" said Headmistress McGonagall.
"Again, an english speaker?"
"Yes" said Headmistress McGonagall.
"jjones." said Headmaster Kibedi "Sanctity jjones, I think she can still legally enter the UK"
"So not so theoretical?" asked Daphne.
"jjones is a young woman from a difficult background. She found… post-mortem communication came naturally to her"
"You know her well?" asked Headmistress McGonagall
"Many detentions" admitted Headmaster Kibedi "She thrived under Igor."
Headmistress McGonagall spoke up "You would not hire her as staff"
"No. But you need someone who speaks good English. jjones is from there… somewhere."
"Is that her real surname?" asked Headmistress McGonagall
"No." said Headmaster Kibedi
"Dark family?" asked Headmistress McGonagall
"I don't know. Adopted by a magical family… then a poor fit for the UK" said Headmaster Kibedi
"A dark witch is our best candidate?" said Daphne.
"The best I have."
"Contact details at least" said Headmistress McGonagall. Parchment was written on.
"Xylomancy?" asked Daphne.
"Get a Romany witch. They all know it" said Headmaster Kibedi dismissively.
"Ghoul studies?" asked Daphne.
Headmaster Kibedi spoke up "Minerva, your school is going to look like it's going dark"
"I am aware of that, Ivan" said Headmistress McGonagall crossly. "The class needs a teacher"
"jjones could teach it, but give me a moment." Headmaster Kibedi stepped away from his fireplace and rumaged in a filing cabinet. "Ah… Rookwood. One of your families, and yes, they applied for a job as assistant Ghoul Studies teacher last year."
"The Rookwoods were ahem, supported of you know who in the last war" said Headmistress McGonagall.
"Well, Rookwood was estranged from their family" said Headmaster Kibedi.
"Well, a name and address?"
"Sam Rookwood, 89a Toppling Towers, Bucharest Romania" said Headmaster Kibedi. "There is an important thing about Rookwood"
"Are they a vampire?"
"Rookwood is just not er… male or female" said Headmaster Kibedi. "I think they want to be female."
"Oh" said Daphne.
Professor McGonagall pulled Daphne out of the fireplace. "We could check Beauxbatons?"
"Er, yes" said Daphne.
"Was it Rookwood or Jones that worried you more?"
"Er, Jones actually." admitted Daphne. "their Headmaster as much has admitted they were a dark witch"
Madam Maxime listened carefully "We don't teach that ere. I am surprised Minerva that you want to teach it at ogwarts" she said.
"Bugger" said Daphne as the floo powder burnt out.
Headmistress McGonagall wrote out job offers sitting at Harry's desk and Flooed back to Hogwarts to send them immediately.
Daphne stoked unconscious Harry's face tenderly.
-==0==-
Harry woke up lying on the couch, Daphne having just tapped him with a wand
Headmistress McGonagall standing by the door looking embarrassed.
"What Happened?" asked Harry.
"I'd like apologise, Harry, I didn't understand how being Lord Slytherin binds you to the school." said Headmistress McGonagall. "We have a new Divination teacher, a Xylomancy teacher, and a teacher for two other classes that have not been offered in some time."
Harry rubbed his Slytherin ring "What?"
"Necromancy and Ghoul studies" said Headmistress McGonagall "It seemed prudent, given how much pain you were in to plug the gaps in the classes, while you were stunned."
"I feel odd" said Harry.
"Lingering effects of the confounding concoction" said Daphne. "It stopped the pain bothering you"
"Er, I'd better be going" said Headmistress McGonagall "I have four new teachers to get lodged and a timetable to change."
"Is there an OWL syllabus for either Necromancy or Ghoul studies?" asked Harry.
"There isn't, as far as I know. I'll be asking Griselda Marchbanks" said Headmistress McGonagall.
"This is going to look bad" said Daphne.
Harry sighed "Look, we either try to play this very low key, or"
"Harry makes a big performance of it" said Daphne. Harry groaned theatrically "Lord Slytherin, scary wizard and generally snake dude makes a big performance of it." said Harry.
"You can use Salazar's hat" said Daphne.
"You've found Salazar Slytherins Hat?" said Headmistress McGonagall excitedly.
Harry shrugged and cast a couple of parseltounge spells. His trousers and shirt turned into heavy silver wizards robes, and a silvery green hat with a large brim appeared on his head.
"Does it talk like the sorting hat?" asked Headmistress McGonagall.
"Yes" said Harry "But only in parseltounge, and it…"
"Has eyes on the back. Snake eyes" said Daphne.
Harry obligingly turned around. Headmistress McGonagall shuddered.
Harry dispelled the hat and robes back to ordinary clothes. "Yes, it's creepy. Salazar used fear, often, though it is very practical, it tells me what's behind me in a fight"
"And is cheating when duelling under house rules" said Daphne.
"And is cheating when duelling under house rules" repeated Harry. Daphne smiled slightly.
"I had better get back to Hogwarts" said Headmistress McGonagall.
"When the new staff arrive, floo me and I'll drop by to give them some ground rules." said Harry.
"Terrify them?" asked the Headmistress
"The Necromancer and the ghoul studies professor" said Harry. "If the divination or xylomancy professor look dodgy,… well"
"We found a closer source for xylomancy" said Headmistress McGonagall uncomfortably. "Gabriella Vane, the grandmother of Romalda Vane, the girl with"
"The love-potioned cakes" said Harry crossly.
"Madam Vane is.. a Romany and is an active practitioner in xylomancy. And already resident in Britain" said Headmistress McGonagall.
"As long as Romalda stays a mile away from me, I'm fine with that." said Harry.
Daphne's eyes narrowed "She tried to dose you with love potion?" she said angrily.
"Years ago, and Ron ate the lot" said Harry. "The dose was too large, quite toxic"
"She's never getting near you ever" said Daphne.
Headmistress McGonagall smiled slightly and left. After the Hall fireplace went back to orange, Daphne called out "Dreedle!"
Dreedle appeared with a pop a moment or two later.
"Block the floo and the gates" said Daphne. "Harry's had an accident and he's resting in bed for the rest of the day"
"I'm fine now" said Harry from in the study.
"Harry, you're resting in bed. Go to bed now" said Daphne.
Harry came out and started going upstairs. Daphne followed him.
"I can put myself to bed dear" said Harry.
"I'm going to cuddle you" said Daphne. "I had to confound and stun you for hours. It was awful."
"How long was I out?"
"You missed lunch" said Daphne walking ahead of Harry, the bedroom doors opening for her.
Harry was about to get into bed when Daphne cast "coloportus" on the doors.
"You're serious about me having a rest" said Harry.
"Not exactly" said Daphne, pushing Harry onto the bed and jumping onto the bed next to him "I need cuddles."
[AN: Thanks to my beta reader LoneWolf0729]