By midday Jade was on edge. Everything around her seemed heightened somehow; the ticking of the clock, the chattering of the doctors and nurses in the corridor, Beck's fingers hitting the keys of his Pearbook as he tried to make headway into his school assignments. She'd tried to sleep but her mind was racing too much for her to even get a moment's peace. She almost longed for the blank numbness that had become all too familiar, but even that didn't seem to come. Thoughts streamed through her head like an out of control train on a continuous loop track but there was no logical order to them. Even her usual vice of the sheet threads was unable to keep her grounded. Her very skin felt itchy, like she wanted to peel it off layer by layer. She had ended up digging her nails on her good hand through the thin material of her pants but even the momentary sharp pain wasn't enough to pull her out of it.
There was so much riding on Lane, it had snowballed from a simple decision about talking therapy and now it seemed like the weight of the world would come crashing down if he didn't agree. Her thoughts would bounce from Lane to her father, and whether he would pay attention long enough to object to change in therapist, after all he hated her choice of school why would he approve of a counsellor from there over one his insurance pays for? Then there was the endless debate as to whether she would even talk to Lane, could she even talk to Lane? Jade wasn't sure she even liked him, after all he hadn't exactly been supportive of her creative outlet over the last few years, why should she talk to him? Yet, while Jade was loathed to admit it, she was frightened. Everything seemed so far beyond her control, even her own thoughts and, as much as she brushed off the times when everything seemed to fade around her, there was something about it that chilled her to the bone.
Beck had told her she looked like she'd faded away when one of the episodes happened, that her eyes would take on a glassy quality and she'd stare into the distance practically unblinking. She could see it in her mind, blue-green eyes shining but so faded in colour it was no longer clear whether they were blue-green or even a grey. She couldn't shake the image, an image she'd seen countless times in the last year when her mother had been sprawled out in the sofa after a binge, pupils blown wide but eyes unseeing. The same eyes she'd passed onto her daughter. It scared Jade beyond belief that these episodes were happening but even more the fact that she almost craved them to stop the constant stream of thoughts, the persistent questions running through her head. Was that what her mother had been trying to escape when she first reached for the pills? When she'd snorted her first line? Was that where she was destined to end up too?
Jade tried to take a breath, but it was like the weight of her thoughts had settled onto her lungs, leaving her unable to do anything but take small, shallow breaths. Her right hand shook ever so slightly, a barely noticeable tremor but it sent a stab of dread straight down into her stomach. Her fingers scrabbled for the threads, for Cat's dumb giraffe, for anything really that would give her something to hold onto. She almost jerked back in surprise when instead of the soft fur she made contact with a warm hand instead.
Beck had been trying to put a concerted effort into his schoolwork, not keen on the idea of what they might do if he failed to keep up on the very first week, but Jade's behaviour was worrying him. She had become increasingly twitchy, twice he'd seen her abandoning the tugging of the sheet threads to dig her nails into her thighs. He'd held back, not wanting to interrupt what he assumed was an attempt to stay grounded but as she continued in the same pattern, he started to doubt his decisions. Her face was taut, barely moving were it not for the occasional flinch. He had no idea what was going on inside her head, but it looked as though she was being held hostage by her own thoughts. When her hand had resumed its search for release, he'd extended his own with barely a second thought, not wanting her nails to return to her thigh.
Jade snapped her head to look at Beck, who now held gently but firmly onto her hand. The contact had just about managed to pull her from her thoughts, but she could still feel them like a dull buzz behind her ears.
"You okay?" Beck nearly winced, remembering that he'd put that question on his mental 'stupid questions to ask a hospital patient list.
Jade stared at him for a moment and for a few seconds, Beck could see the war in her mind played out on her face. It wasn't good vs evil but Jade's psyche vs itself. Her need for emotional distance and disdain for emotions against the small and so often repressed part of her that just wanted to let everything out with a scream. It took another beat before, in a movement so small it could have been easily missed, she shook her head as her teeth worried her lip.
"Let's get out of here" Beck was suddenly on his feet, still holding her hand but looking straight at her and her bewildered expression.
"Where?"
"I'm sure I've seen signs to a garden, and I think we could both do with some air"
Jade chewed it over in her head, for some reason the thought of leaving the room was both tempting and terrifying at the same time. However, it seemed Beck wasn't actually waiting for her to make a decision as he relinquished her hand only to bound out of the room. She barely had time to register his absence before he returned, now pushing a wheelchair.
"No." This time Jade found her voice a lot easier.
"Come on, you're not going to be able to walk all the way there yet." Beck had spoken with Emma on his way back from breakfast, it was the nurse who had suggested getting out the hospital room if Jade wanted to. She had warned him Jade's muscles had lost some of their mass and her energy would be low to start with; the chair was not optional.
"I'm not sitting in that" she glared at the chair, not even slightly light-hearted as it served only as a reminder of her new weakness.
"Okay, we can leave the chair here if you can get to the door by yourself."
Beck now found himself on the receiving end of the glare that had just been directed at the chair. Still, as far as Beck was concerned, if looks could kill he never would have successfully asked Jade out in the first place.
Jade was irritated, quickly figuring out that he had been talking to the nurse without her knowing. She gritted her teeth, supporting her weight on her good arm as she brought herself upright from the half-reclined position the bed had kept her at all morning. She wiggled slowly, allowing her hips to turn and bring her legs around. She paused as they dangled over the side of the bed, trying not let it show just how much the movement had already tired her out. She caught Beck's eyes who simply raised an eyebrow at her.
Git.
Fuelled by another surge of irritation, Jade manoeuvred herself to the edge of the bed and then onto her feet, gripping the cabinet to keep her steady. She straightened up, feeling somewhat emboldened by her success compared to the day before but it was short lived as after only her second shuffle forward, she lost her balance as the light-headedness returned. Spots crowded her vision and she felt an oddly familiar sensation of falling before hitting something soft and firm.
"Shit" Beck moved faster than he knew he could the second he saw Jade start to sway. He had been somewhat prepared, knowing the likelihood of her making it across the room was practically zero, but it was more than a little scary up close.
His arms were tight around her as he steadied her, her head slightly floppy against his chest as she waited for her vision to clear. Jade wanted to be frustrated but the spots were making it a bit difficult, it still felt like her head was swimming and the smell of Beck's fabric conditioner was oddly distracting and comforting all at the same time.
Once he was sure she wasn't going to fall further, Beck removed an arm to reach out for the chair, attempting to snag the corner to bring it over to her.
"No" Jade's vision was almost clear, and she started to straighten back up.
"You're not being serious" Beck was exasperated.
"Just help me walk over there" Jade snapped, if she wasn't going to be able to walk out by herself, she'd be damned if she couldn't make it a few paces over to the chair.
Beck relented, although not without a sigh, and shifted so he had one arm across her back to support her. They moved slowly but steadily, and Jade allowed him to help lower her into the chair without further protest.
"If you wheel me into a wall…" the threat hung in the air between them and Beck felt himself smirk.
Getting through the maze of corridors was more of a challenge than Beck expected, simply because of the volume of people milling around. It didn't help that he wasn't entirely sure where they were going, relying on the less than stellar signage to confirm that there even was a garden. After about 15 minutes, they arrived back at the main hospital entrance for the second time and Beck groaned as he realised, they'd taken another wrong turn. Jade was out of patience, feeling no less on edge being surrounded by too many strangers who all seemed to loom above her in the chair.
"This is stupid, just take me back to the room"
"But I'm sure it's just down-"
"Jade! Beck!"
In tandem, the pair snapped their heads up to search for the familiar voice of their guidance counsellor who was just walking through the large revolving door. On the inside, they had very different reactions as Beck felt a wave of relief, but Jade felt her insides clench unpleasantly, only adding further to the anxiety she was feeling.
"Lane" Beck greeted with a smile that betrayed the relief he felt on the inside. Jade simply looked at the counsellor, unable to find her voice. To his credit, Lane acted as though nothing was out of the ordinary and that it was the same as when he saw them in the corridor at school.
"You guys off somewhere?"
"We thought we'd try and find the garden, but we took a few wrong turns" Despite herself, Jade twisted slightly to glare at him, and Beck realised his mistake.
"Alright, I took a few wrong turns"
Lane chuckled.
"You need to follow the purple line all the way, come on I'll walk with you"
His tone was light, but Beck had the sense there was no room for either of them to object to his presence. Still, he discreetly placed a hand on Jade's good shoulder, still wanting some assurance from her that she was okay with this. Jade didn't move when he made contact and made no attempt to shake him off which he took as confirmation.
"So, how do you know where the garden is?" Beck questioned as they started walking, keen to keep the conversation light.
"My sister had quite a long stay here last year after she contracted sepsis" Lane explained "My partner and I looked after her kids as her husband had to work, they're quite young so hospital visits were easier on them if they visited the garden as well"
"Is she okay now?"
"Yes" Lane smiled "She made a full recovery"
As the conversation continued on between the two of them, Jade sat quietly. There was something about the phrase 'full recovery' that felt like a punch to her gut. She longed to be back in the bed, if for nothing else than to have something to occupy her hands again.
Lane was looking between her and Beck despite the fact the conversation was entirely with Beck. She knew he was doing it out of politeness, but it only made her feel as though she was being held under a magnifying glass.
"Ah, here we are."
Jade felt rather than saw the first rays of sunlight on her face, being too caught up in her thoughts to be paying attention to her surroundings. At Lane's statement, they'd passed through a set of double doors and down a ramp, onto paving that wound around different planters and beds of various flowers and greenery. The air was quite warm for Spring, helped by the absence of a strong breeze as the Garden was sheltered on three sides by the tall hospital buildings. The fourth side and farthest from was deep bed of greenery and trees which extended all the way back to a wall which wasn't visible. Jade could hear a gentle trickling of water and she scanned the garden before seeing a small water fountain embedded under a tree bed in the far corner of the garden.
Beck was quite impressed with both the size and quality of the garden, it looked like a lot of work had gone into making it as pleasant as possible. He looked down at Jade and saw her focus on the back corner.
"Want to go take a look?" Beck asked, not realising he was completely speaking over Lane who had been chatting on about the weather in the background. Jade gave a one shoulder shrug, but Beck knew she was more interested than she let on. He began to push the chair over, and Lane followed, shaking his head slightly at Beck's actions.
Beck brought the wheelchair to a halt next to a bench, directly opposite the fountain. This area of the garden was somewhat shielded, and away from the hustle and bustle noise that spilled out of the hospital doors. He sat down on the bench next to Jade's chair and Lane sat next to him. Jade busied herself looking at the small fountain, tracking the bubbles as they fell down the small layers in small clusters. She was only too aware of the two people staring at her, now in silence as they waited for someone to say something.
"I'm going to go grab a drink" Beck suddenly announced, and Jade looked at him, confused.
"You're going?" Beck twitched slightly before forcing a smile on his face.
"I won't be gone long, and I'll get something for all of us"
"Thanks Beck, that's a great idea".
It was with Lane's words that Jade realised what was going on, and the apparently silent conversation they must have had while she was staring at the fountain.
With what felt like a Herculean effort, Beck put one foot in front of the other and walked back towards the main doors, heading for the café. He waited until he was partially hidden behind a large bush before chancing a look back over his shoulder at Jade. He didn't want to leave her, but Lane had indicated he should, probably so he could talk to Jade about everything, but Beck still didn't like leaving any more than he thought Jade wanted him to. He knew he couldn't expect to be there for her counselling sessions, they were private, but this wasn't counselling. What's more, he knew that Jade wasn't feeling confident about what she had to ask of Lane, it was clear as day to anyone who knew her, he'd wanted to be there to support her. He also still couldn't shake the niggling feeling that accompanied him whenever he left Jade on her own, the feeling that liked to insinuate something bad was going to happen. He tried to reason with himself that Lane was probably a safe person for her to be with, but it didn't help much. As he looked at the pair now, Jade looked uncomfortable and her body language practically screamed she wanted to be alone. In contrast Lane looked neutral, almost relaxed as he sat on the bench, his mouth forming small movements indicating he was using his quiet voice. Beck frowned, not ashamed to admit he wanted to know what they were saying.
"Excuse me, can I help you?"
Beck nearly jumped out of his skin and he snapped his head up to see a stern looking orderly frowning at him.
"Sorry I was just-" But Beck broke off, unsure of where he intended the sentence to go.
"Just what?"
"On my way to get some drinks" Beck sighed "My friend has a visitor and I was just checking she was okay before I went"
"Is there some reason the visitor would cause a threat?" The orderly asked, now frowning for an entirely different reason.
"No, not at all" Beck rushed "I'm just" he sighed, more to himself than the man in-front of him
"I'm just looking out for her." With that, Beck took off, not wanting to be around for the man's response. As it was, the orderly simply looked slightly amused as he stared at Beck's retreating figure, a wry smile appearing as he thought of the perils of being young and in love.
Following Beck's departure, both Jade and Lane sat quietly. Lane was content to study Jade, to see if she was willing to take the first step without him forcing her hand. While he wasn't strictly there in an official capacity, he wasn't sure what the reason behind the phone call that he had received earlier was. While he had been planning to visit Jade at the hospital on behalf of the school, he wasn't expecting a phone call asking if he could visit so early on; he had thought it would be a fight given that Jade had never welcomed his presence in her personal life before. Now he was there, and given Jade's resolute silence since his arrival, he was wondering how much of it had come from Beck. It seemed that Beck's franticness at Jade's situation ran deeper than he first thought, and while he sympathised with the young man, forcing people on Jade without her permission wasn't going to help her in the slightest. He made a mental note to discuss it with Beck later on.
Jade's emotionless façade had yet to crack but she wasn't sure it would stay put for long. Her mind was racing once again, trying to desperately to think of a way out of her current situation. She hated Beck for leaving her there, hated herself that the trip to the garden was supposed to give her a break and she couldn't even manage that. She was backtracking like she was possessed, no longer wanting to involve Lane at all, deciding she should just take her chances with Dr Williamson.
Dr Williamson.
The thought sent a surge of panic through her, somewhat unexpected causing Jade to take in a sudden, sharp breath that Lane heard.
"Jade?" the concern was evident in his voice "Jade are you in pain? Do you need a nurse?"
Jade shook her head almost violently, wincing when her broken shoulder jolted in response.
"I notice you don't have an IV, are they still giving you regular painkillers?"
The question caught Jade by surprise, as it wasn't the probing and personal approach she'd been expecting.
"They took it off yesterday" Jade replied quietly "They just give me stuff throughout the day and something strong for the night".
"Well that's something, do you know how long they want you to stay in for?"
Again, Jade was surprised by his question, but she couldn't quite put her finger on why.
"At least until the end of the week, but they're happy so far that everything is recovering normally". Her voice caught slightly on the last word and it didn't go unnoticed by Lane, but he paused before replying, taking in her body language and the tight expression on her face.
"I wanted to be a Doctor when I started looking at clinical careers and medicine"
Jade stared at him, unable to help herself as the change in subject surprised her again. She was sure she'd known what was coming after her last statement, the inevitable probe into her psyche. Lane didn't look back at her, instead choosing to look into the flower bed in front of them.
"I always liked the idea of helping people, saving lives that kind of thing" he continued wistfully "I even thought of becoming a paramedic at one point, but I came to realise physical medicine wasn't going to suit me." A small smile appeared on his face,
"Too focused on the body and not the mind".
He twisted to look at Jade, meeting her eyes properly for the first time.
"They've told you you're recovering normally but they haven't asked you if you think you are".
Jade felt something inside her give, it was one thing for her to be thinking it but for someone else to finally say it felt almost liberating, as though it was proof, she wasn't crazy. Dr Griffiths, Nurse Emma and even Beck had kept saying that what she was going through was normal; that her physical injuries were healing well, that her mental state was normal for someone recovering from trauma. Yet no matter what they said it didn't negate the fact that nothing about the way she felt was normal. Jade still felt like a stranger in her own body, like something else was driving her thoughts of which she had no control over.
When Jade didn't say anything, Lane continued.
"So that's when I decided I wanted to train as a psychotherapist, and I tried a few different specialities until I ended up in youth counselling which led me to Hollywood Arts" he finished the story, unsure as to whether Jade was listening but somewhat encourage by the fact she was still looking straight at him.
"Have they given you some mental health support here yet?".
And there it was. The question Jade had been dreading, the question that as she had thought about it all morning had made her want to run away but, for some reason, it wasn't as bad as she was expecting. The dread in her stomach didn't worsen, and she didn't feel quite the same rush of panic as she was used to. Instead she found herself answering without too much thought.
"They gave me a shrink, but I don't think it's going to help"
"Why not?" Lane's tone was plain and unassuming, there was no accusation or judgement loaded in his words which made it slightly easier for Jade to convince herself to part with the information she wanted to hold so close.
"I don't like her" She ground out "She acts like I don't know anything, and she thinks I'm difficult".
Lane frowned slightly, unsure where the line was between the truth and how Jade was perceiving the situation.
"Well you don't have to like your therapist, most people don't in the beginning."
Jade felt her heart sink again, he didn't understand, and she berated herself for ever thinking someone else would. He probably thought the same as Dr Williamson. She didn't say anything further, but Lane noticed the subtle shift in her body language, realising the issues ran deep.
"Have you tried talking to her about your issues with her manner? Or even requested another therapist? Because you can do that if you really don't think you're going to be able to work with her"
"I tried" Jade stated, trying not to let the frustration bleed out "She just accused me of being avoidant".
"And you don't think you were?" Lane asked, taking a chance on what was quite a leading question.
Jade bit her lip, the internal battle over how much to share was unrelenting but something about the conversation she was having felt different to how it was with Dr Williamson. It felt free of judgement without launching to the other extreme of being overly sympathetic and emotional.
"I think I was, but not in the way she thought I was" She said finally, her fingers twitching reflexively as they sought a distraction that wasn't there.
"She acted as though I was trying to avoid talking about everything, and I don't want to talk but I guess I've realised that not talking isn't helping" She paused, focusing on the bubbling fountain and letting the quiet noise fill her head and distract her for a few precious moments.
"But no matter how bad it is in my head, the thought of talking to her now is-"
Terrifying. Sweat inducing. Unbearable.
All of the above.
Jade couldn't finish the sentence out loud, even with her brain filling in the gaps for her. Mercifully, Lane didn't seem bothered with trying to get her to finish it either, whether or not he understood what she was trying to say, Jade wasn't sure
Lane was considering her words carefully, unsure of the best way to help his student. Indeed, he was surprised that Jade had said as much as she had, their sessions together had never been that productive in the past. He knew she wasn't one to talk about her feelings before the incident had happened, so he wasn't surprised that the thought of opening up now, especially to someone she didn't feel comfortable with, was unthinkable.
"So how do you want to proceed Jade? How do you see this going forward?"
"I don't."
The words slipped out before Jade could stop them, later she would blame it on the surprise of someone asking her what she actually wanted. This time, Lane couldn't hide his concerned expression from the girl sitting next to him.
"What goes on in my head terrifies me, it makes me wish I'd never woken up in this damn hospital" Jade tried to explain her voice bitter, she was still looking at the fountain but no longer really seeing it.
"But if I can't talk about it, and I really can't" she stressed "Then it is never going to go anywhere, not really" She dug her nails into her thigh "So there isn't a way forward."
The finality in her tone only added to Lane's concern, the small actions of her hands throughout the conversation hadn't gone unnoticed either. His clinical brain started to whirr, matching up her actions and words to possible diagnoses, the PTSD was obvious, but it was what was accompanying it that was getting Lane's attention. Given her short stay in the hospital so far, he was concerned that she was already convinced that the therapist was not going to be a good thing for her, that she was already decided on the fact she wouldn't be able to talk to anyone. Lane had spent time looking into PTSD under the umbrella of abusive childhoods and developmental trauma as part of his training. He had ultimately decided to go into a school environment over care homes and juvenile detention centres as he found some aspects too difficult to deal with professionally; the cases could be both numerous and brutal, and it was too full-on. Schools provided more of a broader spectrum of issues and interactions which suited him more as it was a balance. Now though, it was like he'd never stepped away as the information filed into place in his mind, bringing to the forefront his concern that Jade was about to be one of far too many who were failed by the system. Especially considering she wasn't too far off being a legal adult at which point, unless there were serious grounds for concern for her personal safety, no one would be able to intervene.
As he sat thinking it all through, it didn't escape his notice that Jade sat unmoving, as though she had become unattached to her surroundings, not even reacting to the quiet noises around her. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Beck was returning but he subtly shook his head towards his approaching figure. Beck frowned, even at a distance the worry was evident on his face. He hovered for a few seconds before pointing between himself and the doors he'd just come out of. To Beck's dismay, Lane inclined his head, indicating that he should back off for a while longer. As much as Lane was sure Jade considered the conversation finished, he wasn't ready yet, and leaving the conversation in a negative place was never a good idea for someone's recovery.
"Jade" he started cautiously "Is there anything you would like me to do? Anything you think I could do to help you with this?" The phrasing was careful and appeared almost over-rehearsed in Lane's attempts to not spook her or trigger whatever part of her brain it was that was programmed to respond with mistrust and shut down when questioned.
"I told the shrink that I wanted you instead of her".
This time it was Lane's turn to be surprised, given that he never got the impression that Jade got anything out of their sessions.
"And what did she say?"
"That she'd talk to you and all the other staff about it, and then they'd decide for me".
Jade's wording didn't escape him, and Lane barely suppressed a cringe at the way things had been communicated to her. While it was clinically correct, it was clumsy for a patient to be reminded that they have little agency in their treatment decisions, especially patients who were victims of trauma.
"Why did you tell them me specifically?"
"It was Beck's idea" Jade said shortly "I went along with it as I thought it would be easier than Dr Williamson".
That made more sense to Lane, but he sensed it wasn't the full story.
"And?"
Jade shifted slightly in the chair.
"I figured it was an easier option, those times you've spoken to me in the past you were never that interested so it seemed like a better option than her and her judgement poking around my brain".
Lane tried not to let the guilt show, having already spent time wrestling with it since the first phone call on Monday morning. Guilt wasn't a productive emotion, he had to remind himself. He was conflicted now, unsure as to the best action to take to help his student while protecting her best interests.
"Would you like me to meet with your clinical team?"
Jade gave a one shouldered shrug, seemingly indifferent.
"I can, I'll also consider agreeing to fill the role of therapist but I won't be doing it if you think you can use me as a get out" Lane's tone was firm now, wanting Jade to understand he wasn't her get out of jail free card.
"Jade, you may not be able to see a way forward, but I can for you, but I'm not going to take it on unless you are willing to give it a proper chance."
Jade looked at him again, scanning his face to try and understand where his words were coming from. Why did he want to help her? She didn't understand and that meant she couldn't quash the distrust she felt. It was the same mistrust that still encroached sometimes when she looked at Beck, when she couldn't work out his motivation for staying, no matter what he told her.
"Jade?"
"I don't want to be like this forever, but I don't know if I can get past it either"
"You won't know until you try" Lane said plainly, keen not to become overly emotive.
Jade appeared to consider this for a moment before finally agreeing.
"I'll try."
It felt oddly similar to conversations she'd had with Beck, but almost like there was less pressure on her, less expectation. She wasn't sure even now if she was going to be able to try but, on some level, she wasn't sure she could carry on as she was either. In reality, she didn't feel like she had a choice either way.
Beck paced just inside the hospital doors, trying to convince himself it was a good thing that Lane wanted more time with Jade on her own. Hell, maybe she'd already started opening up to him although Beck thought it was unlikely. He peeked out again, carefully angling himself so he could see the pair through the various trees only to see Lane looking in his direction wearing an encouraging smile. With a pang of relief, Beck grabbed the bottles of water he'd picked up at the cafeteria and tried to act natural as he sped along the path to the back corner.
"Ah Beck, good timing" Lane said smoothly in greeting. Beck was less suave as he stuck his hand out proffering one of the water bottles to the guidance counsellor.
"Thanks" Lane didn't miss a beat "Well I'll be off to talk to your Doctors then Jade" he said her name a little forcefully and, to Beck's surprise, she responded by looking directly at him as he spoke.
"Then we'll sort out a plan from there"
"Okay".
Lane got up from the bench and wandered off down the path Beck had just come from, Beck waited a beat before taking his seat next to Jade.
"That sounded good?" he prompted
"Yeah" her reply was non-comitial, but Beck tried not to read too much into it, noticing the tension that had reappeared on her face.
"I'm sorry, this was supposed to be relaxing."
To his surprise, Jade snorted in response and he noticed she was flexing her good hand back and forth.
"I don't think I can do relaxing right now" Beck knew the comment was supposed to flippant, more of a brush off than anything else but he couldn't help but feel his heart sink a little at the defeated tone that was bleeding into her voice.
He shifted slightly closer to her so that there his shoulder was pretty much touching her good side. He carefully put his arm around her back, draping it down and gently spreading his fingers just over her rib cage so as to avoid her broken shoulder. Jade barely hesitated before she let her head flop onto his shoulder, accepting his comfort in a gesture she'd so done many times back when they were dating. Beck bit back a smile at the small victory but it didn't stop him from pressing a small kiss into her hair. She didn't react as such, but she didn't shrug him off either. As he rested his head on hers, he could see the slightly red, jagged scar poking out from under her dark hair where her mother's glass had made contact. Beck was amazed that after only a few days, her hair was already growing over it. The spot where the tube had gone in would take longer as they'd completely shaved it, but it was less obvious overall.
Jade shifted slightly, snuggling deeper into his embrace, although she would deny from now until the day she died that she ever snuggled with anyone. She still couldn't find peace in her mind but somehow, in that moment, it was a little bit more bearable. The conversation with Lane had gone somewhere she wasn't expecting, it now felt like she had someone other than Beck fighting her corner. She was at war with the fact she didn't want anyone else near her but, now, a bigger part of her was welcoming it. The tightness in her chest was still there but it had loosened ever so slightly as she sat, leaning against Beck. She shut her eyes, trying just to take everything in and stay present in the moment; the familiar smell of Beck's fabric conditioner, the gentle bubbling of the fountain next to her and the even gentler breeze that caught the static of her hair. Jade tried to will away the dread and just find a moment to breathe.
Well I originally had more planned for this chapter, but in the end I wanted to try and do the conversation justice, so I hope it worked.
Thank you so much to everyone who has read/followed/favourited/reviewed - it honestly means the world that 22 chapters in, people haven't lost interest yet.