Co-written with the amazing Scribes1015!

"Who ya talking to," she questioned, crawling on her knees towards the center of the bed, one of her legs easily sliding between his as she snuggled into his side.

"Lindsey," he scowled, judging from the scowl on his face they were clearly talking work stuff.

"I'm going to have to go into the office Thursday morning," he paused feeling all the movements against his sides where her belly pressed against him. "What time is your appointment again," he questioned, abandoning his phone to the side as he sunk down until he was eye level with the bump. His fingers skimmed beneath the fabric of one of his old shirts that she'd commandeered, lifting it above the curve, he pressed a single kiss next to her belly button while he waited for her to answer.

She grinned at the gesture, there were some things she wasn't sure she would ever get tired of, and seeing him trying to bond with their baby was definitely one of them. "I thought Linds was covering for you," she pouted, her fingers finding their way to his hair. He groaned against her, "He was supposed too, but some of the dockets got switched around and now we're both due in court at the same time," he moved to place another kiss where the baby was currently squirming, "He can't be two places at once beautiful."

She sighed, not for the first time she wished he wasn't quite so high on the food chain at Wolfram & Hart. She was pretty sure part of her would always miss his intern days, back when no one batted an eye at his absence… or tardis. Sure she was beyond proud of the things he had accomplished, but it all had come at one hell of a price, sometimes she yearned for the days where she was his only priority. "It's not until noon this time," she told him quietly, already bracing herself to hear the onslaught of reasons as to why he could no longer make it.

Angel felt her tense against him and he didn't even need to ask what the reason behind it was. His chest squeezed, he hated how little faith she had in him, he fucking deserved her skeptism but he would never get used to it. It would definitely take some finagling on his part, but he was almost certain he could work with that. "I can work with twelve," he assured her though his eyes were still tightly closed, his ear pressed up against her abdomen.

"Ya," she asked surprised, her fingers once again lightly scratching at his scalp. He nodded, "Just plan on meeting me there, maybe afterwards we can grab lunch somewhere…" She glanced down just in time to see the smirk play across his features, "Or swing by the house for a different type of snack."

"Oh ya," she giggled, lightly shoving his shoulder. Some parts of him would eternally be eighteen, she was convinced. Without even opening his eyes, he easily caught her hand, guiding it back against his hair. He couldn't even count the number of times he'd fallen asleep like this over the years, her tiny fingers threading through his short locks. Of course he missed everything when they were apart, not at first of course, but after some of the initial anger subsided he would find himself conjuring up the most mundane memories, wishing that he had the strength to make them a reality again.

It was such a simple, innocent gesture, and yet he found himself swallowing back a tear as he thought about how close he'd truly come to never experiencing it again.

"I hope it's a boy."

Her eyes popped open, of all the things she'd expected to hear that certainly wasn't one of them. They hadn't really talked too much about what he would prefer or why. Even though she was eight months pregnant, sometimes the reality of the human being growing inside of her was too much for even her to face, and he'd had even less time to deal and come to terms with it. She knew he had a lot on his shoulders both in his private life and at work, so she tried not to push all the difficult subjects at once.

"Really? I figured you might want a girl what with Con and all."

His long fingers gently poked around the perfect curve as he tried to elicit a further reaction from the baby. His head shook softly against her, "I do want a girl," he smirked, "But if this ones a boy, that just gives us a reason to try again."

Her hand stilled against him for a second before her grip tightened enough to guide his eyes up to meet hers, which were currently about the size of saucers. "You-," she shook her slightly as if to clear her thoughts, "You want another baby?"

He smiled, convinced the baby had drifted off, he crawled back up her body until they were eye level. Reaching out, he pinned a couple of loose strands back behind her ear before draping his arm around her to hold her closer. "I do."

Being the father to one child had never crossed his mind, he certainly never imagined having two or three. But being here with her now, having Connor, knowing everything they had been through and what all it took to bring them back together, well he definitely wouldn't be able to honestly say he was opposed to the idea. With Con he'd missed everything pregnancy included, and now with this new little being growing inside of her, he was all too aware of everything that he'd already missed out on.

"I just want to be there," he sighed sadly, his lips ever so softly brushing against hers. "I want that memory of us finding out together, I want to watch your body change and grow from the very beginning, I want to feel the first kick, the first roll…" he trailed off, "I want everything with you."

Her eyes burned, she hadn't meant to take all of that away from him. She really hadn't, she knew it was wrong, and looking back she wasn't sure how she ever thought she'd actually be able to give birth without ever telling him, but she'd just been so fucking hurt. She was fucking terrified, and hadn't had the first clue what she was supposed to do. Even now all this time later while she was tangled back in his arms, she could still imagine that fear she felt when she'd first discovered that the two of them had defied all the odds that seemed against them to even create the little one growing inside of her. She could perfectly recall how time seemed to slow down to a snail's pace, how the world seemed to almost go into some sort of fish eye type of vision for the longest time as she just sat there staring at the white stick showing her those positive lines. She could remember in great detail how all those months without him had gone, how she felt at any given time, the fears that clouded her mind, how far away having what they were trying to work through to get back to one another seemed then.

"Hey," he said softly, noticing the change in the air and tilting his head to look at her better.

"I'm sorry," she barely made out as even a whisper.

"Hey, no, I'm not trying to make you feel bad here, Buffy. I promise. I get why you went about everything how you did, as best as I can, and I'm just going to have to accept that and my hand in it all. I just hope that we continue making this between us work so we can be better than we ever even imagined and then when the next time comes around... well, then hopefully we can get a chance to experience all of those things together. That's all, it's something to look forward to... not be upset over."

Her heart still felt like it wanted to tie up in an endless mess of knots, though. Lindsey had tried warning her about this exact thing more than once but she had been too caught up in her own side of how everything was and seeing the fallout play out a lot differently than them back in this house together like this.

"I'm always going to regret in an endless amount of ways that I missed out on so much, Buffy, but I think it proves to me a strong lesson in what else I could have lost forever."

OoOoO

Angel found himself being pulled out of his peaceful sleep by tiny movements pushing against his stomach, keeping his eyes closed, he let his arm curl around until his palm rested against Buffy's growing stomach. "Hi there, Little One," he whispered. Half a second later, a particularly excited kick came through and his eyes opened, looking down between his and Buffy's bodies. "Alright now, you keep that up you're gonna wake your Mama," he told the unborn.

Just then, Buffy made a soft groaning noise, her own hand coming to rest atop his. "Too late for that little warning," she muttered. "Sometimes these kicks and punches are beautiful, awe inspiring... sometimes, they are just not. Oww."

Angel chuckled, leaning closer to drop a kiss on her forehead. "If it helps any, I believe our alarms are about to start going off at any time so at least he didn't wake you up in the middle of the night or something."

Buffy just groaned some more in response, closing her eyes tighter. "With as tired as I get some of these days I think I need every last second of sleep I can get, thank you very much."

OoOoO

As the next few days came and went Angel couldn't help but feel like he was living in some dream world, riding some high, something. Every morning he got to wake up next to his beautiful wife all wrapped up in his arms, every morning they'd both barely made it into their respective buildings before being considered late, always finding it hard to part from one another in the morning. Work seemed to drag on still but it wasn't so bad after that first day he had found, and he didn't mind the return of random messages he'd get from Buffy throughout the day to fill him in on what was going on with her, to tell him something funny one of her kids in her class might have said, or some issue she'd had to deal with.

He'd worked hard to get back home in the evening at a decent time, fully appreciating the fact he would come home to Buffy making sure they had a hot, full meal waiting for him when he walked in the door. Sitting down with her at that table while they just talked and laughed, went over their day more in depth, made plans... all of it... was easily becoming one of his favorite times of the day.

Trying to help her with the load of the housework, he made sure to do more in that sense as well, and then they could just enjoy those last few hours of the day before it was time to crawl into bed just enjoying one another. Neither had felt much like going out again and he sure didn't mind just having her to himself.

OoOoO

Things had been going so well, so smoothly, that when Thursday came slamming into him with one things going wrong after another as soon as he had climbed into his car that morning he wasn't handling it well at all. Normally he thought he was someone pretty good in a crisis, sometimes he thought he even thrived on the excitement of chaos happening all around him when it came to work related issues anyhow, but today he felt like he was in over his head.

Angel looked at his watch, then the large black clock on the wall, before taking a deep breath, letting it out ever so slowly, to try and calm the panic wanting to rise and overtake him, trying to focus on what the judge was saying, trying to remember what he was supposed to be doing - other than not being here, other than the fact he was supposed to be across town right now with Buffy getting ready for her appointment.

His hand shook under the table and he clenched his jaw, pulling his fingers into a fist for a moment before releasing slowly a few times, his mind trying to push his worries about his personal life aside enough to get through this, his eyes trying to read over his notes and actually comprehend what they said this time.

"You good?" he heard being asked from beside him.

Angel nodded, turning and putting a smile on his face. "Of course," he easily lied, more to himself than anyone else.

OoOoO

Buffy sat in the middle row of chairs that gave a perfect view of the large parking lot so she could see when Angel pulled in. She hadn't gone in at all today since the appointment was smack dab in the middle of the day so she had happily caught up on some rest and relaxation before driving out.

As the minutes crept by, Buffy started feeling a familiar sense of dread trying to peek its head but she kept trying to push it down and away... at first. When her name was called she said she needed to use the bathroom again to try and hold out hope he'd appear at the last moment but there was still no sign of him as she followed the nurse down the long hall to the exam room.

She went through the motions, answered all of her midwife's questions, she vaguely remembered lying back and listening to the baby's heartbeat, but mostly the entire appointment was nothing more than a blur. She walked out of there as quickly as she could, with instructions to return in two weeks, which was a difference since she was accustomed to her routine monthly appointments.

It was all just one giant reminder of what all he was missing out on, this time by choice. Reaching her car, she pulled out her cell, he hadn't even had the decency to send her a text. 'Stupid hormones', she thought as the first few tears rolled off the ball of her cheeks only to land on the curve of her stomach. She didn't want to cry,, she didn't have time for fucking tears, she was livid, she was pissed at Angel, but mostly she was just upset with herself.

For as much as she had sworn to herself it wouldn't happen, somewhere between him asking her for another chance and waking up next to him every morning, that guard she had struggled so hard to build had begun to crumble. These last few days she had actually started to believe that he'd changed, that somehow over these last few months he'd been struck by some sort of damn epiphany, that despite all of the terrible fucking things he'd put her through, he was going to be there now.

'What a fucking joke,' she thought, blindly tossing her phone into the passenger seat after powering it down. Not only did she not want to hear the damn thing, she definitely didn't trust herself not to answer it, but even more than that she refused to give him the satisfaction of knowing how badly he had hurt her again. She already knew the second he heard her voice it would be nothing but apologies and empty promises about change. Which she didn't have time for, not anymore.

She was too pregnant, too attached, too fucking lost all over again. Thank God she'd had the mind to keep her apartment, it wasn't that she was planning on going home and moving back out tonight, but the fantasy she'd let herself get lost in these last few weeks had certainly begun to dissolve.

If today was a reminder of anything it was that this baby was coming whether she was ready or not. She didn't have time to focus on anything besides that, though now she wasn't even sure how to best prepare for the ones arrival either. The thought of setting up her dream nursery only to tear it all down again when she inevitably had to make the move back to her apartment invoked emotions within her she wasn't quite ready to own up too.

OoOoO

Angel had sat at the prosecutors table, glancing at his watch what felt like once every minute. That sinking pit inside him grew with every second that ticked by, Judge Carlson threatened him with contempt no less than two times when he caught him looking at his phone, attempting to sneak some sort of quick text to let Buffy know what was going on. Knowing that particular judge's reputation, he hadn't wanted to risk it a third time. Though in hindsight, the excuse of a night behind bars sounded a whole lot better than what he was coming up with.

Pressing down the accelerator, he increased his speed once again, by the time he'd finally made it out of the courtroom her phone was going straight to voice-mail. He couldn't even check her location with the phone turned off, he last location was still showing at the midwives clinic, but he knew better than to think she could possibly still be there. Her appointment should have ended over an hour ago, slamming his hands against the steering wheel he silently prayed that she would be at the house whenever he got there.

Nothing about today had gone as planned, he had expected to walk into court, offer the defendant a plea and be back out within an hour. What he hadn't expected was for the damn judge to go back and forth with the clients attorney negotiating terms like this was some sort of damn highschool debate. Normally he was all for being fair, and the guy had been just a kid, but he didn't have the luxury to spend hours discussing his fate today, not when his own life was currently spiraling off its axis.

Pulling into the driveway, he breathed a sigh of relief seeing her SUV in its usual spot. Strategically pulling up behind her, he took a moment to catch his breath before going inside. He knew she was going to be pissed, hurt, and he knew her well enough to know that she'd had enough time to let that head of hers pull her into a dark place. He just hoped she wasn't passed the point of rationality, they may have only been back together a few weeks but he felt like they had come a long way in that short amount of time. Besides he was just as disappointed in not being there today as she was, like he told her the other morning, he'd missed enough already.

OoOoO

Walking into the house he held his breath, memories flooded his mind of other times he'd missed important events, times he had no excuse for, days he'd taken her for granted and not had the decency to spare her a simple phone call. Though, that wasn't what today had been, he would never jeopardize what they had just started to rebuild like that, though judging by the look on her face he wasn't so sure she held the same confidence.

"Buffy," he started towards her, but paused when she took a step back. Her face was puffy, eyes red and swollen, it was obvious she'd been crying, and he wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms, though it was clear she had other thoughts.

Without even realizing it, she'd nearly back herself completely against the wall. Having been in the restroom, she hadn't heard him come in, so rounding the corner to him standing there had been a bit of a shock, though she was now very grateful for the few minutes she'd taken to wash her face and pull herself back together in there. She knew she probably still looked awful, one part of pregnancy, for her anyways, was the inability to not wear her heart on her sleeve.

She cleared her throat, "Where were you?"

Taking his eyes off of her for just a second he sat his keys on the small table inside the hallway. "I'm sorry," he finally managed, meeting her eyes once again. "I know," he swallowed hard, nearly flinching when she automatically started to inch away from him as far as she could possibly manage. His voice softened some, as his heart clenching inside his chest as he continued to take all of her and her brokenness in, "I know those words hold little meaning after everything we've been through and how many times I've carelessly thrown them around, Buffy, but I am sorry. First and foremost, I am sorry I wasn't there today. I wanted to be, more than anything in this world. I needed to be there. And it isn't okay that I wasn't.," he repeated. "I-I, just, today... today just didn't go how it was supposed to all," he told her, his hand running through his hair. "The case wasn't supposed to be dragged the fuck out like it was and there weren't exactly a grand lot of options to get out of it."

Buffy's eyes looked downward, her lips pressing together lightly for a moment. "You were in court the whole time?" she asked.

That twisting sensation inside of him only grew with how pitiful she sounded. "Yes," he breathed, rushing to try and explain how everything had gotten so fucked up this morning. His eyes pleaded with her to not see it all as something it wasn't, like he was just falling back into old habits, that he hadn't just up and decided she and the baby weren't important or whatever other horrible thought he knew she must have running through her mind wasn't the case, but still when he tried to step closer to her she moved away. No longer able to move back anymore due to the wall, she just side stepped with her back pressed to the smooth area until he stopped. "Buffy..."

Her head just barely shook before he could say anything more. "I don't know what to say right now, Angel, and it might be best if I don't because quite frankly where my head is at right now isn't doing us any favors. Part of me wants to remind myself that these things are bound to happen sometimes, that I went into this all over again knowing that bit of information, it happens to just about anyone with working late or things popping up. I get it, I guess. But... but then again I've been here and done this, too, you know. And the timing really happens to stink."

Angel's head fell a little. Every second seemed like a lifetime right now and seemed to scream at him everything was going to slip away and he wasn't sure there was anything he could do to stop it.

OoOoO

"Where is she?" were Lindsey's first words as soon as the door opened. His eyes raked over him for a moment and he knew he looked like utter shit right now but thankfully, for once, Linds kept his big mouth shut on any comments about it.

Angel sighed, stepping out of the way to let him in. "I don't know." He briefly recapped how Buffy had left, annoyed that he had blocked her in and had begged her not to when she asked him if he could please move out of the way, or to give her the keys to his so, well, he supposed either do it herself or just leave with it instead, how she'd gone upstairs just done talking to him and how he'd made it worse by not giving her space. He was just too desperate and had spent enough time just turning the other way and ignoring shit happening around him. And when that had been too much, how she had just taken off down the road, pissed off that he refused to just let her go but given how far along she was and her state of mind it just didn't make any sense to him to just let her run off like that. So, finally she had stopped, and he had as well from a good distance and he had waited until the taxi that he'd decided to call in for her drove off. "I made everything a fucking billion times worse," he said, his head falling back and making a loud thud as it hit the wall behind him.

Lindsey shook his head. "The two of you are going to be the fucking death of me. Her especially."

Angel sighed again. "Can't blame her too much, Linds."

"The hell I can't. You can't go all half assed like that, acting this way at the first sign of trouble and all that bullshit. Shit happens, that's life."

Angel shrugged. He couldn't even think straight at this point one way or the other,

"Alright, well, did she just leave, or did she leave leave?" Lindsey dared to ask after slowly circling back around to face him.

"I don't know. And I was just sitting there trying to figure out how in the fuck all of this happened and what I'm supposed to do now. What if it is over, just like that, Linds? And thinking about how excited Connor fucking is to have everything kind of going back to normal and how awful that kid felt he couldn't be here when she moved in and how fucking badly he needed this. And I don't know how to face him and say that everything fell apart again already and that I can't give all of those things to him after all..." Angel felt that bubble of panic coming back to the surface, trying to imagine Connor's little face falling when he had to break that bit of news to his child all over again.

"Don't get too far ahead of yourself, Angel. She's just emotional more than likely and probably needs a good, swift kick in the ass before she realizes she's just being dramatic and needs to reign in it back in a little. You all are still figuring things out, there's going to bumps in that road."

"Maybe," Angel said sadly. "I just don't know what to do. I called in with an emergency for the rest of the day, was more than a little tempted to just say I fucking quit and be done with it."

"Hate to break it to ya, but your occupation isn't the real issue here."

"I know. But it felt like something I could do, it could make a statement, something."

OoOoO

It was newly dark outside before Lindsey felt comfortable leaving one friend behind to go in search for the other. Buffy's phone was still off and neither of them even knew if she had it on her anyway. Angel and he had similar thoughts that she probably either went to his house or she went to calm down, or whatever, back at the apartment they'd just half moved her out of so those were going to be his first stops before he might need to get creative.

He knew where she was coming from - as best that he could anyhow - and hated the idea of making her feel like he was just up and taking Angel's "side" again, but in no universe did he feel like he could stand by and just let this get blown up into something it wasn't worthy of.

He stopped by his own house first, pulling into the driveway he'd barely got the car in park before he was stepping out the door to head inside. From out front it didn't look like he was going to have much luck, everything was dark and it didn't look like anyone was inside, but he decided to double check just to be certain. Just as he expected though, the house was empty, his leftover In and Out burger from the night before still littered his kitchen table, and he knew without a shadow of a doubt had Buff been by here that would have been one of the first things she picked up.

Locking back up, he sent Angel a quick text letting him know that she wasn't at the house. Ya he was worried, but right now he was more pissed than anything. She was too damn pregnant for all this nonsense, especially the whole not turning on her phone bit. Angel may be half convinced that she didn't have it on her, and even he'd agreed back at the house, but the more he thought about it the more that just didn't make sense. Had she not had the damned thing on her then it sure was one hell of a coincidence that it died at the same time she decided to storm off.

He understood her needing to get away for awhile, take a breather or whatever, but if she was hell bent on not letting Angel in on where she was headed, the least she could do was call him. Anything could happen at this stage in her pregnancy, and the stunt she was pulling was not only selfish it was down right reckless. She was acting as if she hadn't been married to the man for years on end, as if she didn't know how the damn court system worked. She knew damn well that they didn't work some regular nine to five, they couldn't just walk out of court at their convenience, there wasn't anything Angel could have done to change the damn outcome. Well aside from getting himself locked up for the night, and something told him that had he done that she still would have found some reason to lose her shit.

Pulling into her apartments, the first thing he noticed was the light in her living room flickering through the window. 'Of fucking course,' he thought cutting the engine, he made sure to take a few deep breaths before he exited his car this time, he loved the girl like no other, but he wasn't Angel, and he damn sure didn't have that man's patience of steel where her tantrums were concerned. There were reasons why they regarded one another as siblings and never tried the dating thing, and that most definitely was one of them.