Last time, Enies Lobby peaks with Luffy's loss against Akainu.

Much later, Akainu is interrogated at headquarters after escaping his captors, he's been considered KIA for almost 3 years and he's dead sure that the last true memory he has involves killing Monkey D. Luffy.

Much, much later, Marco ruminates on his life from the darkest corner of Impel Down, in particular all that's happened since he landed in Luffy's ship.

Ace tells him how it all started later, once Marco has managed to survive his ordeal and land on the Moby. The experience is surreal when once Marco thought he'd never see it again.

Marco's in his office, his desk strewn about in the same disarray he left it all those months ago. When Marco took to the seas in blinding, foolish fury, and kickstarted revolution, he wasn't ready to be a part of the right side of history. Marco's life has never asked for permission to descend into chaos. It just... had never come through his own hand before.

It's up to him now, Phoenix-ya.

Fire scatters, playful in between his fingers where Marco's nails have bitten right through his skin.

He's looking out on to the waves, the top of them bright white with the dawn. He's trying to find some semblance of calm within him, maybe steal it from the early morning. He has no doubts that where Fire Fist Ace is concerned, he's going to need it.

His family had welcomed their first division commander with open arms and alcohol and partying, there were no recrimination words, not even a disapproving glare. There is no time for resentment or regret when any given day might be your last (something Marco thought was engraved in his bones, but now he knows better). Marco's family is just glad their brother has come back to them.

(Marco tries to not be bitter that they don't seem concerned about the sacrifices such a thing took. He wishes Thatch were here more than ever before. It's a feeling he's going to have to grow used to, now that he cannot run away from his grief. There's no sea stone binding down his soul, it's free to be haunted by another memory, and Luffy...)

It takes him a moment to discern that the burning in his eyes are tears. Marco looks up at the wooden ceiling trying to reel in the undesirable emotion. He enters a somewhat out-of-body experience as a corner of his mind, register how the wood is grayish but sturdy. He doesn't want to give any indication to Ace about his feelings.

I don't think your flames can regrow a lung.

Oh, but how hard Marco tried.

"I was asleep on my breakfast when suddenly the whole ship is moving." Ace's voice drifts through the silence. He's loud in their startling quiet, the welcome back party long dead since before sunrise. Marco can almost feel the push of the words against his back. He wonders if he just imagines how they nudge him out through the window. (What is he even doing here? Luffy sent him home, but home had never felt like this.)

Marco hums a distant, unhappy sound that plays on repeat inside him, the crackling static of an old forgotten radio. It's the sound of emptiness and regret and could've been's. It urges Ace on regardless. (It wouldn't have stopped Luffy either, and the thought shouldn't be so overwhelmingly painful, but it is.)

"They'd caught sight of a marine ship heading straight for the Moby at full speed with no stopping sign. I thought we were about to get some fun from someone crazy. I would've never thought it was Luffy."

"Your brother is certainly crazy enough to go hunt down an Emperor, isn't that his thing?" Marco comments absentmindedly. After all, Luffy had, several times in fact. The static is electrifying inside the phoenix, jumpstarting his heart and leaving him permanently anxious, blue eyes roaming over a green ocean looking for someone who isn't there.

It's hunger. A hunger like Marco has never known.

On that note, the first mate thinks, he needs to eat. After so many days of being empty, it's like he's lost all his appetite. (And the thought of stepping into the kitchen, where Thatch...) He's started to find food sickens him, plagued by memories of being poisoned, his illness a delight as the sputtering blue flames tried to heal him.

"…Huh, fair point." Ace agrees, tone lighthearted as he brings Marco back to the present. How is Marco supposed to tell him? "Anyways, the thing is, even before the Sunny got close enough to us, cannons were already being dispatched. I saw the emblem through the mess hall's window. Took off running towards the deck, trying to avoid them accidentally sinking my brother's ship!"

The chair creaks; Ace must've sat down. The squeak reminds Marco of something else, far more somber in nature, and focuses on Ace's voice instead.

"I was running to Pops when suddenly Luffy's just there. Landing just off from the middle of the front deck, in full uniform. That was actually the first thing I saw when I emerged on deck, the kanji for Justice on his back." Marco has known Ace long enough to picture the exact expression he's wearing, lips pursued, and freckles bright on display. Entirely a rebellious and righteous teen and none of the fire-wielding Whitebeard commander. You have little brothers, don't you?

I do, Marco bites down. Luffy's not here. Luffy's not here.

"I didn't even see him in the air before he arrived. And he's all serious and frowning and immediately everyone's on-guard, but Luffy's Haki was rampant, and few people could get close, he strode right up to Pops."

"Was Pops laughing?" Marco cannot imagine Whitebeard taking Luffy seriously, not even after their encounter in Fishman Island.

He's a little brat, that paramour of yours.

(Not to say that Whitebeard didn't respect Luffy's strength, but it takes a lot to ruffle the strongest man's feathers in the world.)

Behind him, Ace's snort finally makes Marco turn around. He looks incredulous.

"You didn't see him, Marco, I've always admired my brother, he seemed unbeatable when I was a kid, but he looked like… like a war god right then. People were passing out, it's hard to breathe, the straw hat's covering his eyes, and then, he's facing the strongest man in the world. Luffy looked nothing like the goofball I'm used to seeing. He looked downright friendly on Fishman Island in comparison." Ace's eyes shine at the memory the way only a little brother's eyes can, with utter adoration. Then his expression sobers. "Don't tell him I said it, but for a minute, I actually thought he was coming to challenge Pops. He looked like he was here for murder."

Indirectly, Marco acknowledges, he was.

"Were you scared, yoi?" Marco teases, and he can see what Ace is describing. Marco had almost not recognized him when Luffy had finally arrived for him either. He's quick to shut down the creeping smell of burning rubber, bleach it from his mind. He puts his hands in his pockets to keep them from shaking and thanks the stars that Ace doesn't seem to notice.

"Wha– No!" Ace says, but Marco can see the reddening tips of his ears and knows better. Ace adores Luffy. How is Marco going to tell him? "A-anyhow, Luffy had your vivre card."

"And he looks at Pops and says he has news about you. Marco, he looked distraught. I've never seen him like that. At one point, Pops says something like 'Marco's strong, get off my ship, you brat marine,' and I thought Luffy was going to clock him. I was ready to jump in, and suddenly…" Ace gulps and seems almost hesitant to continue speaking. "Marco, he kneeled right there in the middle of the Moby. Asked again for Pops to hear him out about what happened to you." Marco's eyes widen in disbelief. Luffy's fiercely proud. (Too proud, a memory jumps to remind him). For him to bend his head, to a pirate no less… Marco hates how loved it makes him feel. Hates it.

"I started to get worried, Luffy has my vivre card too, and mine burns all the time, and he's never shown up here looking for me. He said your card had been burning for over a week. No one here had even noticed… I don't think anyone with your vivre card feels like they should be checking it over, I mean, it's you, but…" He sounds bitter. "Guess we should've known better."

"You couldn't have known, Ace," Marco says soothingly, and he means it. He had left in a blaze, and most people probably thought he was just going to cool-off after... Marco knew his family would come, but he also expected it to be much later.

"Luffy knew, though." His tone is conflicted, bittersweet. "I'm glad he did, but… it feels like we failed you, Marco. The next morning, the paper confirmed what we already knew then: that you were in Impel Down." Marco can still see the blood on his hands from Luffy's coughing. It overlaps with the grimace he gave him when they saw each other in Impel Down. Marco had had no idea what was in store for them, then.

"How are you?"

Very carefully, Marco does not think about the wreckage, blood, and unkept promises. He banishes hacking coughs and burning skin of his mind. He remembers to forget the sound of chains as they haunted his steps and the deep-rooted agony of being back where it all began.

He dances circles around the flickering certainty that being looked at and played with and exhibited is all Marco's good at. Maybe, all along, he'd only been a show bird pretending to be a man.

"I'll..." Marco, it's going to be okay. "...manage."

There are footsteps at the edge of his awareness, signaling that it's morning enough for the earlier crew-members to come back to the living. The pirates stay like that for a moment, and Marco wonders what exactly he thinks he's managing.

His guilt?

His memories?

His grief?

He still thinks he might be dreaming all of this. Maybe he never made it out of that prison. Perhaps he's asleep in Impel Down and gets to relive Doflamingo's cunning all over again.

Maybe, he's been downed in the rain and will wake in an unfamiliar bed to a very familiar smile.

Maybe, Marco should've drowned that night...!

.

.

.

By the stars, he needs to stop this.

"I'm also… sorry." What?

Marco's brain comes to a halt. He raises his eyes where they've fallen to a pile of scattered books that do not fit in the first mate's bulging shelves. Sorry?

The second division commander is blushing, eyes averted, but jaw set in determination. He seems bashful and as young as Marco's ever seen him.

Then, it dawns on the older man. Ace had been giving Marco the cold shoulder before he left.

Marco's almost forgotten about what. A moot point if there ever was any.

"It's okay," he says instead, "you were... surprised."

"I was jealous, actually," the younger man interrupts. The confession leaves him like a bat out of hell, and his eyes betray regret even before he finishes speaking. Marco's... not even surprised. In the big scheme of things, it sort of makes sense.

"Of me?" he questions anyway, more reflex than curiosity. Ace nods slowly as if committing himself to follow through this topic. Ice begins to creep in on Marco, disliking the feeling of incertitude and the rather emotion-driven ambiance that now permeates the conversation.

"Look, Luffy's everything to me, we grew up us against the world. When he joined the Marines... it felt like I was losing him. We could barely see each other or interact. He was a spy, so I couldn't even tell anyone about him. He's the most important person in my life."

It's like word vomit.

So honest, it sounds almost angry.

Marco can't do this.

"Ace..." the name comes out choked, almost too low to be heard, but Ace seems to take it as doubt instead of terror.

"He's always been this ball of sunshine and goodness, and... and he made me feel like I didn't have to be strong all the time. Like, it was okay... it was okay because no matter what was happening, he would be there, and he made it okay for me to be here." At this, his arms extended wide, as if trying to signify not only the Moby and the sea but the whole wide world. "Sabo and I fucking idolized him as kids," and at the missing brother's name, Ace's eyes grow rueful. "Then, Sabo was gone, and for years, Luffy... was gone too."

(What must it be like for Ace? Marco wonders, because his brain loves to press into every bruise and stick childish, curious fingers into every bleeding scrap. To be the brother always left behind?)

"Ace..."

"And then that idiot reappears, and he's hanging around, and it's... it's because of you, but I know you make him happy." Ace tells him, shredding into him one kind word at a time.

"Ace, no, look..."

Ace doesn't know that everything that happened to his brother could've been avoided if Marco had been better.

Ace doesn't even know what happened to his brother.

There's some creepy crawler stuck in Marco's throat, and it's eating him, choking him. At the same time, Marco wants it to stay locked in him forever. A hellish guardian for the truth that is bubbling up like reflux from where anxiety nestles in his gut.

"Marco, what I'm trying to say is, that I'm s-"

"Ace!"

Marco screams. He cries out the other's name in one uncontrollable mixture of panic and guilt and bone-deep sorrow. His eyes are burning again, and his hands are fisted where he's kept them in his pockets.

"Ace, there's something you need to know about Luffy."

"I've been meaning to ask," the other man frowns, looking around the room. "How come he didn't come back with you?"

Marco looks at the ceiling, spotting the same gray and sturdiness that greeted him before. He's not going to cry, dammit.

"He can't."

Just in case it wasn't clear, this is a bit of a jumo forwards to after Marco's returned to the Moby after his stint with the marines. Was it too hard to follow?

Much love,

Dee