Hello again everyone! I hope you enjoyed the last chapter; I had a lot of fun with it! This chapter is a little slower, but I think it's fun too. Enjoy!
Chapter Nineteen: Guidance
"You know, I feel like you're babysitting me."
Maya sat with her arms across her chest, watching skeptically as Ludus dropped a bag onto the dining room table in front of her. He ignored her observation, unbuckling the straps and flipping the contents onto the tabletop. A couple of blocks of wood tumbled out, followed by a small leather satchel tied together with string.
Ludus and Maya had woken up well into the evening, still entangled on her living room couch. After some embarrassed apologizing, and a reassuring call to his panicked Nana, they decided that there was no point in fussing over it. Ludus was planning to spend the rest of that day with Maya anyway, and napping seemed a perfectly logical thing to settle on.
And, of course, they were each polite enough to ignore the other's nervous stuttering after they woke up.
Now, neither of them was particularly tired despite the late hour. Maya didn't remember the last time she stayed up past 11, but they were currently approaching 2. She knew the next day would be horrible, as she still had to get up and take care of Josie, but she was just having too much fun to stop now.
"I wouldn't have to babysit you," Ludus smirked, plopping a block of wood in front of her, "if I thought for even a second that I could trust you to take it easy."
"You know I'm an adult, right?" Maya rolled her eyes, picking up the block and rolling it softly in her hands. As much as she complained, she didn't actually want Ludus to leave. "You're not required to entertain me with… wood."
She frowned, the euphemism unintentional. Ludus didn't seem to notice, or he was very good at hiding it.
"You asked me to teach you some stuff, remember?" Ludus finally took a seat across from her, pulling the leather satchel towards him. He unravelled the string, revealing the contents to be an array of metal tools. "I thought that since you can't walk around much, now might be a good time."
"I'm pretty sure I only asked you to teach me some folk songs," Maya clarified, but her interest was officially piqued. She leaned forward, her eyes sweeping over the tools that Ludus was sifting through. She poked the tip of what looked like a scalpel, quirking her eyebrows.
"You're going to teach me how to perform surgery on a tree?"
Ludus snorted, shaking his head.
"These are wood carving tools," he explained, pointing to each one and giving a brief summary of what technique it was used for. "I learned when I was just a young teenager. I don't get to do it much anymore with all the new build requests, but it's a great way to pass the time."
Maya was all the more interested now, in spite of her teasing, and she shifted forward again to better see what he was doing. Ludus took the first tool, a worn instrument that looked like a specialised knife, and began to pick away at the corners of the wooden block. Maya gathered the pieces that fell, squishing them between her fingers.
"The nice thing about wood carving," Ludus mused, his hands passing quickly over the block in consistent, practised sweeps, "is that you really don't need anything fancy. You can use a pocketknife if you have the patience. It's a cheap hobby, and you can make some really beautiful pieces of art."
Maya chewed the inside of her cheek, mulling over the wood between her palms. She couldn't even begin to guess what Ludus was carving, but it was clear to her that he'd been doing this for a very long time.
"If you find this boring, we can do something else." Ludus glanced up at her, uncertainty wavering in his expression. As comfortable as he felt with Maya, he couldn't stop the lingering doubts in his mind- stronger now that his crush was in full swing. Most of his friends showed only a polite interest in his hobbies, but Maya was either very good at acting invested, or she genuinely wanted to learn.
"It's not boring at all!" Maya grinned, making Ludus's heart soar. He never thought sharing his hobbies with someone would bring him so much joy. Then again, he didn't think he'd ever be sharing them with someone like Maya.
When Ludus had packed his bag that day, he brought the woodcarving gear on a whim. He knew Maya would be frustrated at not being able to move around at her leisure, so he wanted to ease some of her boredom. It seemed like such a simple, uneventful thing for him to introduce her to; as a matter of fact, he'd completely forgotten it was in his tool kit. But when Maya asked him what he wanted to do after they'd woken up, Ludus's stomach was in knots just thinking about it.
There was something almost… intimate about teaching someone one on one like this. It wasn't necessarily a romantic feeling (as a matter of fact, he was sure that for Maya it couldn't be), but Ludus found himself losing focus on the task at hand, his eyes drifting to Maya's face, her hair, the way she was leaning forward on the table, and he felt himself blush.
Not that Maya noticed of course, she was doing very much the same.
Watching Ludus work was incredible. His hands were large, his palms wide, and while they were certainly strong, Maya would never have expected them to be delicate. None the less, he maneuvered the carving knife with a finesse that made it nearly impossible to look away. His fingers turned the wood neatly and cleanly, testing the newly shaved surface with the pad of his thumb.
"The key is not to be afraid," Ludus continued, "carve with confidence."
He flipped the carving in the air; just a little showmanship to add flare to his lesson. Maya seemed to enjoy it, scrunching her nose playfully at him.
"Show off," she teased, picking up a piece of sandpaper and running her fingers gently over it. Ludus shrugged, resuming his careful crafting.
He really was amazing, Maya realised with a jolt. She always knew that Ludus was an incredible person, but sometimes, like now, he'd do something that would sharply remind her of just how incredible.
Ludus had a passion that shone through in everything he did. Maya had never seen him carve anything before, but seeing him now left no doubt in her mind that he'd been practising faithfully for years. His dark eyes were focused, but his shoulders were relaxed. His movements were patient, steady, and sure. Even his voice conveyed his love for his craft, making her smile with every word.
Maya knew that Ludus was expecting her to try it too, but her attention was consistently being split between the hypnotising way his hands moved, and the smooth, tensing muscles along his arms.
Her mind drifted to the way those arms had felt around her, and her cheeks immediately turned crimson.
"What are you making?" Maya asked finally, more to distract herself than anything else. Ludus flipped the carving around in his palm, holding it out to her. It was vaguely oblong, with what looked like an intentional indentation on the side, but that was as far as she could get.
"I'm not sure yet," Ludus admitted, tossing the carving in the air and catching it in his palm again. "I'm making it up as I go along."
Maya thought that sounded like a reasonable answer, so she picked up her knife and started to do the same. If she had a sharp object in her hand, it would at least keep her from obviously staring.
"The best thing for you to start with," Ludus offered, "is to practise making different kinds of lines and textures. After that you can move on to shapes, and eventually other things."
"If I make it that far," Maya giggled, holding up the wood block. Her markings were much rougher and more inconsistent than Ludus's. "It looks like I've just sort of stabbed it a few times."
"I mean, that's kind what you're doing. It's not too hard once you get the hang of it," Ludus assured her, reaching across the table to help her steady her carving hand. His palm engulfed hers, guiding her next three strokes. "If you like it and you want to practise, I've got tons of spare wood at the shop. I'll bring some over for you."
"Do you have an entire forest at the ready?" Maya frowned, the carving knife slipping again as soon as Ludus let go. She was getting dangerously close to nicking her fingers, but with his hand on hers she wasn't really paying attention to what he was showing her anyway. Maya was on her own with this one. "I think I'll need it before I make anything even remotely recognisable."
Ludus laughed, picking up his own piece of wood again.
"I'm sure you'll get there," he insisted.
Their conversation turned to other things after that, each of them working meticulously away at the carving in their hands. A couple of times Maya felt a yawn building in her throat, but she fought it down viciously. She didn't want Ludus to leave now, no matter how late it was.
She was reminded again of the sudden surge in affection that Ludus showed her today, but now she was pretty sure she knew what caused it. When Ludus caught her the other night, he'd held her in much the same way he had on the couch during their nap, although the latter incident was certainly much more relaxed and comfortable than their impromptu dogpile in the sand. Maybe, and Maya was just guessing, he was more comfortable handling her now that he'd done it once already.
Maya was always an affectionate person. She loved hugs, handholding, cuddling, anything that brought her closer to a person. She'd read online once that sometimes a need for physical affection can be brought on by a distant upbringing. Her father bitterly crossed her thoughts after she read that.
Wherever it had come from, Maya was just glad that Ludus seemed to be the same way.
She didn't think she'd ever wanted to be around another person as much as she did with Ludus. It didn't matter to her what they were doing, as long as Maya was with him, she was happy. It was a warm feeling, if a little foreign, but it made her stomach flutter and her heart skip, and that was both scary and exhilarating.
As Maya and Ludus talked, she found herself picturing them as a couple. It was embarrassing, and she had a fleeting moment of panic as she wondered if Ludus could read minds or something, but her brain wouldn't let go of the image- she was sure Lisette's constant teasing didn't help with that. Ludus was so supportive, gentle, and kind, he really would be the perfect boyfriend. Maya suspected that their relationship wouldn't change much- and that nearly made her smile.
In that moment, Maya knew she would ask him out. Someday. Her heart ached to know that, despite how close they were, there was a barrier between them, one that she couldn't cross until she confessed that she wanted more than just his friendship. Maya didn't think she'd be content having never at least tried.
Caught in those thoughts, her mind drifted to what it would feel like to kiss him. Ludus was broad-shouldered, tall, and muscular, so Maya would be dwarfed in his embrace. She already knew how strong he was, and how capable he was of lifting her clean off the floor. It was easy to imagine that he'd have the same passion with her as he did with everything else, and that was more than a little exciting.
Some less-than-innocent scenarios were surfacing now, so Maya quickly shook herself back into the conversation.
"I really should be heading home," Ludus was saying, gathering up his tools. "I can leave that knife here though, if you'd like to keep working?"
Maya nodded, putting the carving and the knife down on the table. She glanced at the clock, and somehow, they'd talked through another hour. It was just after 3, and already her body was screaming at her to go to bed.
"I'll see you out," Maya pushed her chair back, pulling herself to her feet. It was much easier now that Ludus had wrapped her ankle for her, but she still took longer than she was comfortable with. By the time Maya had straightened up, Ludus was in front of her and frowning.
"I could've helped you," he pointed out, holding out his arms in case she lost her balance. "Want me to bring you over to the bed before I go?"
Maya shook her head, although she wanted to say yes. As a matter of fact, she didn't want Ludus to leave at all. Taking a nap with him had been a big mistake, she now realised, as it would be impossible for her to get to sleep without thinking of his warmth enveloping her.
"I still have to get changed and everything," she smiled, putting her hands on his biceps anyway. Ludus drew her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her in a loose hug. "You sure you don't want to stay? My bed is way comfier than the couch, I promise."
Maya delighted in the blush that sprouted to Ludus's cheeks, even more amused when his eyes darted almost imperceptibly to her bed.
"Very funny," he recovered, squeezing her playfully. Maya giggled- she loved getting under his skin. Unfortunately for Ludus, she was incredibly good at it. "I'll be around town tomorrow, so if you need anything just text me. Don't push yourself too hard, okay?"
"I won't," Maya promised, to which he gave her a hard look. "I mean it!"
"I'll believe it when I see it," he sighed, knowing he couldn't watch her 24/7, as much as he found himself wanting to do just that. Ludus pulled her in tightly for one more hug, pressing his lips gently to the top of her head. The action still infuriated the butterflies in his stomach, but if Maya was okay with him doing it, he didn't want to stop. Gently and slowly, so she didn't lose her balance, Ludus released her again.
"Sleep well, My," he grinned, ruffling her hair. He hoisted his bag onto his good shoulder, grunting under the weight.
"Be careful with your arm!" Maya reminded him, limping towards the door. "You need to go easy on it for a few days to let the muscle heal. Otherwise I did all that work for nothing."
"You'll just have to massage me again sometime," Ludus joked, taking a step backwards into the crisp night air.
"I'm going to have to start charging you," Maya shook her head, leaning against the doorframe. "Twenty bucks an hour."
"Twenty bucks?" Ludus clutched his chest dramatically, pretending to stagger under the weight of the price tag. "That's highway robbery."
"Oh?" Maya arched an eyebrow, an impish smile playing at her lips. "Am I not worth the price of admission?"
Ludus gave her a look.
"You're worth all that and more," he vowed, giving a little wave. "I'll talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight Maya!"
She laughed as he bounced away, wanting to get home before he let anything else slip that he probably shouldn't. Maya watched until Ludus was out of sight, finally closing the door behind him only when she was sure he was completely gone.
A familiar empty feeling creeped into her chest as Maya turned the lock. It was late, she was awake, and in pain, and yet none of that was the problem.
Maya began to go through the motions of her evening routine. She brushed her teeth, washed her face, changed, drank a glass of water, checked the lock on the door, checked the locks on the windows, pulled the curtains, checked the lock on the door again, and only then did she begin to make her way to her bed.
Walking home by herself on a cool evening in the moonlight was one thing. Sitting alone in her house at ungodly hours was another entirely.
She didn't think she'd ever be comfortable sleeping in an empty house, even though she'd done it for months now. It didn't matter. When the lights went out, the door shut, and the last text message sent, Maya felt an echo of finality ring through her, like she was being locked away in a dungeon. Or perhaps a safety bunker. She'd tried a number of things to keep the loneliness at bay, but nothing worked. Nightlights, white noise, music, even a brief trial of sleeping pills; all of her attempts failed before they'd even had a chance to become habits.
Maya thought about Ludus again. About how right everything felt when he was with her. About how much she missed him already.
It almost bothered her, how much she depended on him. Maya wasn't sure when it happened, nor why, but it was true. More than her crush on him, she needed Ludus. His presence, his friendship, anything he was willing to provide. He was swiftly becoming her rock, someone she felt she could lean on, and Maya needed that more than anything in the world.
A great sigh escaped her lungs as she collapsed onto her bed, worrying over the little sleep she was getting. And she wouldn't be fixing that any time soon.
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