A/N: Well, I finally wrote the ending of this fic...there's a few more chapters left as this story wraps up. This chapter includes a mixture of the deepest, darkest tragedy and the greatest, brightest moment of Alex's life

TW: major canonical character death, drug overdose, mental hospitalization

Alex didn't tell Piper exactly what Nicky had asked about the night before and she hadn't asked, she just opened her arms when the brunette came into her room and tried to slide into bed without the blonde seeing how broken she was but of course that hadn't worked yet and probably never would. Neither of them said a word, Piper just held her while she broke down and ran her fingers through the brunette's hair. Somehow the blonde peeled Alex's scrubs and underwear off and slipped on an oversized, worn black t-shirt onto her body.

She woke up under the blankets with a tumbler of cold brew on her nightstand and a post-it note that had just a smiley face, daisy and heart on it.

They didn't need words to make each other feel happy and loved, even if feeling those things felt so wrong at that moment.

Alex sipped her coffee while her eyes adjusted to the light then padded to the shower. Piper might be on to something—getting clean did feel fucking good, even if it didn't take your pain away entirely. Alex found Piper had also left her with oatmeal prepped for breakfast, that was normally her job but lately the blonde had become more domestic and it was sexy as hell, even if it probably did have a lot to do with her all-consuming broodiness lately.

She studied a bit while she picked at her oatmeal and sipped her coffee then left a note on the fridge for Piper telling her how much she loved and appreciated her and added a kiss and "love Al" before heading to study group and then ten hours of work, she had a short afternoon shift at the brain injury rehab on Fridays so she could have Tuesdays off to spend the day at her favorite coffee shop and all night with Piper, sometimes they even went on a date. She had just left the rehab and was calculating if she had enough time to stop at the Dunkin' Donuts drive-thru for a coffee and jelly donut holes to surprise Piper with when she came home when her phone rang. She saw the name and instantly picked it up while she drove. She knew by the words "Lorna Morello" on her phone screen she would need coffee for this.

"Alex! I've been trying to call you for hours!"

"What's up, Lorna?"

"I know you probably haven't…and you two don't talk since whatever went down at the wedding and I have my thoughts on that but I'm sure you don't wanna hear 'em…that's not the point…sorry…I'm just really scared. Have you talked to Nicky lately? I haven't heard from her for 'bout a month then she called this morning and she seemed weird. She's been on a run and I heard the group she likes to run with got arrested for some sorta theft charge and they were all high. I ran into one'a 'em yesterday and they say they haven't heard from her neither since they got arrested. So I was wondering if maybe you heard from her. I know you are both mad at each other for whatever reason so probably not but she's the love of my life. I never thought I was worth much until I met her. You know how that feels."

"Yeah I do but I don't know if she feels the same."

"She told me she did and when she's good she proves it. She's never been gone this long, Alex. Then she called and something's wrong, I've known her since we were eleven and my family decided I needed to go Uptown for middle school so's I could get a better education and been with her like that you know for six years."

"I shouldn't tell you this and this stays between us but I have seen her. I saw her last night and a week ago. She's one of my patients," Alex answered as she pulled into the drive-thru line.

"She's in detox? So she's safe? She's clean?"

"I don't know. We talked about some deep stuff last night. I think she's letting go. She's ready for what comes next, for a place where she won't have to exist with the pain," Alex paused a moment as she put in her order and paid, listening as Lorna breathed heavily, as if she was crying. Was it from relief or sadness? Alex couldn't tell and that worried her more.

"I think so too, I don't want to admit it. I wanted to grow old with her and maybe have a kid or at least a cat. I told her if she wanted me to say I was lesbian I would, even though that's not how I feel. I don't feel strongly either way, I love the idea of marriage but I don' know I just don't see anybody loving me enough. I love Nicky though. She's the only person I've ever loved like that. I know I'd never love another girl like that and she does too but it never mattered to her. She was great that way. Nicky was always here for a good time and to bathe the world in light and love. She's the person you want I'm your corner, at least to me. I know you don't feel that way anymore and I'm not tryna say any of this is your fault but to me she's everything, she's the sweetest blessing I've ever been given and I'll love her till the day I die."

"Me too. Even if I can't have her in my life, I'll always love her. I have only ever really loved three people in my life. I don't know how not to love the few people I let in far enough to love them. I do blame myself though."

"It's not your fault, Alex. Really it isn't. Nicky's been sick for about as long as I've known her. If anything you kept her alive a couple'a extra years when nobody else could. She looked…no looks up to you. She wanted so bad to believe if you could have this amazing life with a career and a life partner she could too but she just wasn't made that way. Even when we were kids she always said she'd never get old and by the time we were thirteen I believed her but I still gave in to my feelings and I'm glad I did."

"I'll see what I can find out and give you a call. I'm not going to say it's all gonna be alright cause we both know it won't but I will say we'll get through it together. I'll always be here for you. No matter what happens with Nicky or where I am, you can always call me and I'll call you back as soon as I can. Work, school and Piper will always come first cause they have to but I'm here for you. I love you and I see your value too, for whatever it's worth."

"Thanks, Alex. You promise you'll call as soon as you know something?"

"Yeah, as long as you do the same. I gotta head into work. I'll text you my private line at the detox, I can't answer my cell on shift, except for my wife. Spouses and kids are the only personal calls we can make on our phones on shift. Try to relax and just let things be as they are because they will do what they're gonna do either way."

"I will," Lorna answered and if it were possible to hear tears then Alex did as the line went dead.

Alex headed into the detox where she was met by Fischer, "Hey, Vause. Houdini got out again and she took a hostage."

"Maybe cause you guys call her Houdini. She's a great girl," Alex answered firmly as she tried to stifle the urge to roll her eyes at her friend/supervisor.

"You only say that cause she's your type," Fischer challenged.

"What do you mean by that," Alex angrily snapped. He definitely knew better than to imply that she could ever again have eyes for any woman other than her Piper. And even if she did, it wouldn't be someone she saw as being a kid.

"You like cute, sporty, and more than slightly fucked up chicks," he responded, obviously not picking up on Alex's obvious anger.

"I know you did not just call my wife even slightly fucked up, you know what I do to people who do that!"

"Rip out my voice box with surgical precision?"

"If you know that then why do such things?"

"Your wife is hot and sweet and all humans are flawed."

"Quit while you are somewhat ahead, bud. So what happened," Alex asked, changing the subject before she had to strangle someone she cared about and threw away the life she had worked so hard to build with one bad decision.

"Not sure. It happened during the mini shift change between early morning and afternoon swing. You know how she knows the comings and goings probably better than we do, that's why rehabs don't take the same patient over and over."

"Still, it's a locked facility. A patient shouldn't be able to just walk out of here no matter how many times she's been here," Alex responded.

"You have a point, but you know the management doesn't want to take responsibility for anything, especially when it comes to Stephani."

"Was that so hard to admit?"

"I like this job, I've been here too long to leave. I've been here longer than just about anybody. And I know you care, especially about the two of them. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried," Fischer confessed.

"I am too. Her girlfriend called me when I was on my way to Dunkin' Donuts. I guess Nicky called her, she didn't say what she said only that she seemed off."

"I know you'll kill me for this…but," Fischer rambled at the implication of Alex's pre-work Dunkin' Donuts stop.

"Three chocolate and a large iced mocha with an extra shot. Not that you deserve it tonight," Alex stated as she handed his coffee and a small white bag of donuts to him.

"Damn, if you weren't already married and we weren't both gay as hell. And I'm sorry I…earlier. I know you love your wife more than anything. Believe me I know and if it weren't so sweet I'd say I'm tired of hearing about it."

"I know."

"So what did she say?"

"Not much. Just that she's been acting weird. But last night when I went to talk to Nicky, she asked me about heaven. I told her to think about how she wants to do her inevitable years in Federal. I almost think running was her idea. Steph seemed so hopeful last night. For the first time she told me about real goals and was starting to think about a life that wasn't in the shadow of tragedy anymore," Alex answered as tears welled up in the corner of her eye.

"You ready to head in," Fischer asked as he reached his hand out to comfort her.

"As I'll ever be."

The Nursing Director, who normally was out by 4:30 was still there at 10pm when Alex walked into the office.

"Dr. Forrest."

"Hi Nurse Vause. I think you should sit down."

"What's wrong? Am I being fired? I know I got closer to a patient then maybe I should but I didn't do anything illegal. I have a girl at home and she's the only one I want."

"We all know. I heard you are friends with our patient Nicole Nichols?"

"Yes. But I declared it to my supervisor upon her admittance and only treated her the night she arrived because I was the sole female LVN/RN on shift and her admitting exam needed to be done by a woman due to it being related to a client currently in police custody."

"I know, Vause. And I know you and Stephani developed a bond that probably served her well. You have always managed to balance the need for rules and order in this work with the need to provide comfort and guidance to newly and often unwillingly sober patients. I still wish you had chosen this as your specialty as you are uniquely suited to it but I understand why you didn't. And that's why I can't have you here this weekend. As Nurse Arpaio likely told you, Stephani Markus and Nicole Nichols were able to run away during shift change and the staff members involved will be disciplined appropriately, including the manager on that shift being fired due to multiple similar incidents that make me question her leadership abilities. About an hour ago, I received word that the patients have been found in Atlantic City and it appears one of the women was pronounced DOA and the other is currently on suicide watch in the Atlantic County Jail."

"Do you know which is which?"

"No, I don't. I'm sorry. You know how HIPAA is. The only reason the nurse told me anything was because they called asking for you and I identified myself as your boss. I guess you were medical power of attorney for one of the girls and they found a letter in the dead girl's purse saying she had no family and if she were to pass to release her body to you."

Alex had both forgotten and figured after their fight Nicky had rescinded the medical power of attorney she had granted her when Nicky's father said he would no longer bear any responsibility for her. She figured Nicky knew she agreed with more rehab and had chosen Lorna or a rock or really anything or anyone else. Alex was unwilling to standby and let her die and Nicky knew it. So why would she want her in charge of her medical and end of life care? Then she remembered Nicky telling her that after seeing the way she was with Piper and how she cared for her mother's grave and balanced things with her creditors after she passed that she couldn't think of anybody else she would want handling things. Nicky knew Lorna would never be suited to handle such matters, that she wouldn't be strong enough.

"Do you have the number? Do I need to go down there?"

"Yes. I don't know. But I want you to know that we are here for whatever support you may need from us during this time."

"Thanks. Can I use the phone in the office?"

"Yes. Call whoever you need, just don't let word get out that I allowed it just this once."

Alex called the nurse in Atlantic City, where they told her that Nicky's body was currently being transferred to the morgue and she would be able to identify the body in the morning but would have to wait until the autopsy was completed to claim it. She asked about Stephani but they told her that they couldn't give her any information about her past or present treatment at their facility, as she was not immediate family. She knew that she might never hear from Stephani again, that she could no longer help her but she resolved that if there was anything, even the tiniest thing she could do to help the girl who was already so broken she would. Alex then called her wife, who told her to come home and they would head to Atlantic City in the morning.

The next morning, with her wife by her side, a doctor and a Sheriff's Detective told her what they knew, "At approximately 5pm a complaint of public intoxication was called into the Atlantic City PD and at 5:45 two deputies arrived and found two unidentified women in a motel room, one passed out with a needle in her arm and the other apparently under severe psychological distress. She was unable or unwilling to provide her personal information—both name and address. They called for EMT and Crisis Intervention backup after securing the evidence at the scene. The EMTs were able to get a faint pulse on the intoxicated patient, at this point they did not know both patients were heavily intoxicated and the other patient was unable to provide a statement as to what intoxicants had been consumed and what had occurred. She was arrested at the scene for failure to provide medical aid and drug possession, against the wishes of the crisis response team who recommended immediate psychiatric hospitalization and monitoring for potential drug interactions. While the women were being processed we were able to find their wallets and conclusively identify the two women but not what they had taken. The patient who we now know to be Nicole Nichols was transferred to the hospital where after working on her for forty-five minutes she was pronounced deceased. The other woman, Stephani Markus, was then immediately booked on murder charges where she suffered a major nervous breakdown and is currently held at the county hospital's psych ward and is being held without bail pending medical stabilization. She did reveal that the drugs were bought in Queens and thus we no longer had jurisdiction over the case and she has been handed over to the custody of the Federal Marshals. We no longer know exactly where she is being held or the status of her charges. But we want you to know that she will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law."

"And if I don't want that? She's just a kid. She was starting to get her life back on track."

"You will be able to make a victim impact statement at sentencing and will likely be called as a witness to help create a timeline of the twenty-four hours preceding the incident. Of course, that's if there is a trial, a lot of times with these charges they plead out to manslaughter and possession without intent at the most."

"I hope she takes the deal."

"If she's smart she will. But I have seen defendants balk at carrying the weight of a drug conviction and choose to fight it. Although, right now she is not considered stable enough to make decisions related to her medical care[LC1] or criminal charges."

"Can I see her?"

"It's probably not a good idea but you can leave your number and I'll forward it to my Chief and if she asks to contact you then I'll allow him to give it to her."

"Thanks. I don't want to see her life ruined too. Nicky was the little sister I never knew I wanted or needed but Stephani was a patient I identified with and I tried so hard to save but my sponsor was right, we can't save anybody but ourselves."

"All you can do is pray that she makes smart choices for herself and so that she can still have a future cause she's looking at 20 years minimum, possibly life without if she doesn't plead out. I wish the news were better. We'll have a social worker take you down to the morgue."

"Can my wife come?"

"You two are legally married," the detective asked with a bit of skepticism as he looked at Piper and Alex could tell he was giving her the "too pretty to be a lesbian" once over. She wasn't but he didn't need to know that.

"I don't have proof on me but yes."

"That's good enough for me. I don't carry my marriage license everywhere and don't see why you should either just because you fell in love with a woman," the detective answered as he showed some attempt at acceptance of gay marriage and equality.

"Can I call her girlfriend and tell her?"

"After you claim the body, all decisions about her remains are solely up to you pending the Medical Examiner's autopsy. You also have the right to request a private autopsy at your cost if you do not agree with her findings."

"Thanks," the couple were led out of the room and moments later found themselves in a cold basement exam room with what looked like metal drawers and exam tables surrounded by medical instruments and scales.

"You are Alex Vause," a woman in a white coat asked, Alex assumed she was the medical examiner.

"Yes."

"And this is?"

"My wife, Piper. She's here for support."

"Probably a good idea," the woman in the lab coat reviewed her chart and led them to one of the drawers, Alex had no idea how she knew which one was the right one but she followed blindly as she had nearly three years ago when her mother died, except this time with Piper by her side. The blonde held her in her arms as she fell against her the moment she saw those wild ginger locks and wept. It was Piper who told the woman, "Yes, that's her. That's Nicky Nichols." She was the one strong enough to look at her pale face and lips, the marks left behind on her body, the needle marks on her arm. It was Piper who attempted to console Alex while also taking care of the paperwork necessary to release Nicky's body to the funeral home that had handled Diane's body after her passing.

After Nicky's body was released two days later, they notified Lorna. Upon hearing the tragic news, she suffered a psychological breakdown so bad that Alex had to have her placed on an indefinite psychiatric hold. Lorna wasn't allowed out of the hospital to attend Nicky's funeral and Red hadn't been able to make it due to work so in the end, it was just Piper, Alex and their sponsors who were there to bury Nicky. Alex decided to bury her in the plot beside Diane that she had originally bought for herself but placing Nicky there had seemed right, especially now that she had her Piper.

Alex never went back to the detox, she knew there was no way she ever could.

Stephani spent two weeks in the psychiatric hospital before being released and promptly formally charged with murder and multiple drug charges. Ultimately the plea the detective alluded to that day was offered and accepted. Alex had the opportunity to request leniency at sentencing and the judge cut the sentence down from one hundred and twenty to ninety-six months in a low-security federal prison camp pending successful completion of drug treatment and an approved education program, which was the best he could do within sentencing recommendations and mandatory minimums.

Throughout this storm, life went on and two months after Nicky died, Piper finally saw two pink lines after months of seeing one. It was a bittersweet moment but it was also the moment Alex's tears of soul-crushing pain and guilt over losing Nicky and seeing one of her favorite patients in a prison jumpsuit in connection with her death became those of indescribable happiness and joy.

As Piper had said with a chuckle when Alex stood there unsure how to react to that second deep pink line, "You know, Nicky probably put a good word in for us."

"Yeah, I know, that would be just like her," Alex responded as she took a step closer to her wife and wrapped her arms around her before running her hand across her wife's still flat, toned abdomen that didn't yet suggest in the slightest what was occurring beneath her skin. The blonde soon took control of her wrist and pushed it down until it was where she wanted it.

Life went on, whether or not you asked it to or even if it made sense. As Jeff told Alex the day they identified Nicky's body, "Life goes on for the living and some of us are lucky enough to watch the miracles unfold." Those words had provided her little comfort at the time or as she mourned her best friend while leaning on her wife and the dreams they were rapidly turning into their reality but that morning in their bathroom took on new power. She would be okay and that was okay. She could live and it was not only the best but the only way to honor the woman who she had loved so much and the girl she had advocated so tirelessly for. Maybe Nicky and Piper never got along like she had hoped but she knew ultimately all either of them cared about was that the other was happy. Alex liked to imagine Nicky arriving in heaven and searching for Diane and the woman being the mother she needed but never got during her brief time on earth. She smiled at Piper as the woman took control and used her hand for her own pleasure as Alex tried to process that this beautiful woman was about to make her a mother. Nothing about how her body felt against hers or how it responded to her touch felt different but Alex knew everything had changed in that moment and as she watched her wife's chest tighten she knew she was ready.

"Let it go, babe. Just let go for me. Give it all to me," she told her wife in her huskiest, most seductive tone as the woman moaned loudly and she took back control over her hand and the blonde's orgasmic bliss. She felt alive without the slightest twinge of guilt for the first time in months.