I'm well aware some of you really like this fic, and I do too. I just lost a lot of files bc my old laptop crashed with everything on there. This is me, making it up to you. I haven't forgotten about my first loves in the fic writing world :)
Keep in mind, this is not beta'd so, brace yourselves.

WOP 22

It was hard, but the days still passed. I missed Edward terribly, but I was still breathing, still going on. Time was ticking away, even though my heart felt like it was miles away.

February in New York was cold as fuck, and the fact that my phone kept buzzing now and then only made me grow colder. Of course, he texted me, he'd been doing that ever since I hit send on my first night here. My new beginning in a new city was tainted, and everybody knew. I'd met most of the neighbors here whom I shared this building with, and truthfully, most of them turned into good friends by now but I still dreaded today. Today was Valentine's Day, a day I'd been dreading for a few weeks now. Ever since Christmas decorations went down, the glowing hearts and pink details started showing up. To say I rolled my eyes at every shop window, would be generous. I despised every part of it: hearing the plans of my co-workers, the company 'Happy Heart Day' card ended up in the nearest bin and the music on the radio made my stomach turn. If it hadn't been for Riley, my new friend in the big city, I would have spent the evening alone in bed with self-pity and the biggest pint of ice cream I could find. Instead, Riley managed to make me accept the invitation for an evening of drinks with all the singles he knew. Riley was my neighbor, and he promised me a night without romance and shenanigans since he too, just got dumped by who he thought was the man of his dreams.

"Bella, are you almost done?" He chanted from his place on my couch. We'd eaten greasy pizza and shared a bottle of sparkling wine before I went to get ready. Riley had already dismissed my first two outfit choices, since they were all work and no fun-LA-girl, and had sent me off to my closet once more.

"Zip me, will you?" I stared at my reflection when I spotted something I hadn't seen in a while: my makeup was impeccable, my tattoo was on display and I was wearing a dress the old Bella Swan would be envious of. It was tight and stretchy, black with mesh sleeves and cleavage. I looked… good, more like myself.

"Dear God, bless the heterosexual men tonight." Riley exaggerated, leaning against the doorpost as he took in my outfit. "Now, that's what I'm talking about if I tell you we're going to a party, sis. Don't go around hiding that body in the pantsuits you always seem to wear." He shook his head, which made me laugh. It had been a while since somebody had complimented me, and it did make me feel a little better to dress up.

"I'm not looking for any heterosexuals tonight, Riley," I said.

"You're going for the lesbians then? Because if you are, girl, I can hook you up in a heartbeat." I snickered at Riley's commentary.

"No, no. No girls for me. No one for me," I smiled meekly, avoiding his gaze.

"Have you heard from him?" Riley knew better than to mention his name to me. I'd told him everything, and even though he was positive that I was dramatizing the entire thing, he still had my back. I still refused to read the blog, even though Alice and Rosalie kept bugging me about it. I was just too stubborn for my own good.

"I don't know. I can't look at his messages. I can't, Riley. Not today."

"Pull some heels one, baby. Let's go!" He kissed my shoulder before he zipped up my dress, giving me hell about the fact that my panty lines were showing. He even made me change my underwear and finally gave his approval when he couldn't spot a single bump on my ass, using the flashlight of his phone.

We arrived at the bar a little late, courtesy of Riley Biers and his relentless styling, so all of his friends were already there. I had a feeling he wasn't being so truthful with his promise on not setting me up tonight. Certain gentlemen came up to me to talk and make friends, but when I asked them where they knew Riley from, they all stammered and I scared them away.

I was on my way to the ladies' room when I bumped into someone, dunking my glass on a pair of expensive-looking, shiny shoes.

"Oh fuck, I'm so sorry." I looked up to stare into deep blues, the blues I'd seen before at least a dozen times.

"Isabella Swan, what a surprise to see you here." His voice was ever-so-smooth, and he looked as sharp as he always did.

"Alistair, hi." I wondered if I should shake his hand, or do nothing at all since I'd never seen Alistair out of the office environment. His shaggy hair was a contrast to his clean-cut shirt and matching suit slacks he was wearing.

"How's the book going?" Alistair was a client of the publishing house and I'd seen him around a few times, enough to know he was working on publishing his third crime novel.

"Great actually, but let's not discuss work on this festive evening."

"Festive?" I wondered. He was one of those sappy Valentines' Day lovers I planned on avoiding tonight.

"It has to be festive for you to look this good, honestly." His eyes traveled down the length of my body, making me feel slightly self-conscious. I felt myself grow warm under his gaze and cleared my throat.

"This? This is my funeral dress," I joked, putting one hand on my hip for good measure.

"Funeral huh? Well, I never hoped to attend one more than I do right now," he joked.

"Are you here by yourself?" I asked.

"My friend just ditched me for a rather good-looking blonde about ten minutes ago. Can't say I blame him, but yeah. I'm here all by my lonesome now. You?"

"Oh, poor soul. Come sit with us, there's always room for one more." I smiled. The alcohol had made its way to my bloodstream, making me feel less of a basketcase and more like old Bella. Alistair flashed me a grin and agreed. I introduced him to Riley who gave me the thumbs up, which I tried to ignore.

The conversations overflooded the air around me, and I felt the need to just go and get a bit of fresh air. I checked my watch instead of my phone because I was in no state to see one of his messages flash around the screen. I noticed hours had gone by, and we were still talking. Alistair sipped from his drink and I rested a palm on his shoulder, telling him I'd go outside real quick for a smoke and some air. He insisted on joining me.

"So, your friend sure has a ton of energy, hasn't he?" I laughed, the smoke around me unfurling as Alistair didn't take his eyes off me.

"He knows how to entertain, that's for sure, yeah." I smiled, but it fell quickly as I recognized the look in Alistair's eyes. He'd stepped close to me and held out his jacket for me since it was freezing outside.

"I'm fine, thanks," I said, although the goosebumps all over my body were telling another story.

"You know, we're in the clear now," Alistair said, taking a drag from my cigarette and letting it dangle between his full lips as he pulled out his phone.

"Oh, it's late!" I giggled.

"We survived another merciless Valentine's Day." He winked at me and it made me smile. I wanted to see his smile right now. To stand here with him. Somewhere between the nicotine and alcohol and the cold, I got crazy and out of my mind. I inched closer to Alistair and thanked him for the nice, tolerable evening before his thumb stroked across my cheekbone. It all happened so fast, his arm was so warm around my waist and the feeling of a body next to me felt incredible. I felt less holey, less alone, less like I missed him. But when Alistair's head dipped down and his lips met mine, I realized I couldn't have been more wrong. I was tearing apart, lonely and there was a hole in my heart only Edward Cullen could fix.

With tears in my eyes, I pulled away and apologized to Alistair before running of. I ran, on my heels, in my dress without a coat or a goodbye to Riley and the others.

Tears streamed down my face, and when I finally found a cab I settled down. My driver was a woman, about my mother's age and I couldn't help but break apart in that backseat. I somehow didn't have to tell her anything, she just understood.

"It creeps on in, sweetheart." She told me, her voice sweet and nurturing.

"Is sadness here forever? Is it everlasting?" I asked her, meeting her dark brown eyes in the rearview mirror.

"Oh, honey. I think it is, somehow there's always sadness." She didn't speak for the rest of the ride.

There would be sadness. For the rest of my days, because I made a terrible mistake.