Chapter 23
Hotch's alarm on his phone went off at 6:00am and he reached over for it on the night table with his arm that was wrapped over Emily. His other arm was under her.
He brought his phone to him to check any messages he might have from the station or anyone back at the BAU. He felt her stirring against his chest and her eyes opening. It was barely light out, with it being so early.
She scooted her head up from his chest to his head and placed a kiss along his jawline. He put his phone down on the table and faced her, bringing his hand to stroke her hair.
"Good morning.", he said, looking in her eyes.
"Good morning.", she whispered with a smile. "What time is it?"
"It's 6:00 am. I'm sorry you had to wake up earlier than you usually do. I know you guys sleep in more than I get to.", he said.
"It's okay. I'm waking up next to you. It makes up for it.", she said.
He smiled and planted a soft kiss on her lips. She ran her hand up and down his back.
"I didn't think I'd ever be able to.", he said.
"Neither did I.", she said.
"You know, I've heard you on the phone when you woke up but I've never seen you when you wake up and it's even cuter.", he said.
They both giggled and she pressed her forehead to his.
"You get the cutest bed head and raspy voice when you wake up.", she said, bringing her hand up his back and ran her fingers through his hair.
"Em... last night... was great.", he said.
"I know...", she whispered, smiling.
"When I opened that door, I was on my way to your room. Just to talk to you. I didn't expect what we ended up doing to happen.", he said.
"I wasn't exactly planning it either. I just walked over here without thinking. When I saw you, something just came over me.", she said.
He kissed her forehead and said, "I don't know what I was planning on doing.", he said.
They didn't speak for a while, enjoying holding each other while they still could.
She closed her eyes and sighed, "What are we going to do, Aaron?"
"I don't know... I really don't know...", he said.
"We can't let it happen again...", she told him.
"I know but how do we make sure of that?", he asked.
"I'm not sure but we just can't. I thought being with someone else would make it easier but... I love you and now you know that and knowing you feel the same way... makes it that much harder no matter who I'm with because I just want you.", she said.
"I know... and of course I feel guilty too, you're not alone in that... But I don't know how to turn my feelings off for you.", he said.
"I know.", she told him, bringing her hand down to his shoulder and holding on. He brought his hand from her hair, to her back and drew circles on it and sliding them along her spine.
"Hmmmm.", she hummed, relaxing from his touch.
"Em... we should probably get dressed now...", he said reluctantly, not wanting her to leave.
She sighed, "I don't want to leave your arms, Aaron. I don't want this to end."
"I know, neither do I but we have to get ready and you have to go back to your room before anyone notices.", he told her.
"One more minute...", she said.
He replied by pulling her in gently as she put her head on his chest and her other hand next to it, running it up and down his chest.
They stayed there for more than a minute, losing track of time until he snapped out of it. He pulled her hair back and placed a gentle kiss on her neck.
"Em... I hate to kick you out but we really do have to get ready and avoid running into anybody in the hall.", he said as he stroked her hair.
"Okay...", she said.
They both got up and she put her pajamas back on as he put his boxers back on.
She walked to the door and he grabbed her side and turned her around. His other hand on her face, bringing it up, and placed his lips on hers gently.
She wrapped arms around his torso and pulled away after a sweet moment.
He traced the outline of her face and said, "I love you, Em. We'll talk when we get back to Quantico, okay?", he said.
"Okay... I love you too, Aaron.", she said.
She grabbed his face with both hands and kissed him deep one more time before walking to the door. She looked out to see if anyone was in the hall while Hotch's hand was on her back. Once the coast was clear, she stepped out, letting his hand fall, and she walked back to her room.
Once she left, Hotch walked over to his bed and sat down. He put his elbows on his knees and dropped his face into his hands, running his fingers through his hair.
What had he done? He betrayed his family on a whole other level now, especially because he loved this woman and couldn't turn his feelings off. He wanted her but didn't know how that would ever happen. What were they supposed to do from there? Pretend it never happened? He thought. He stayed there for a while before he finally got up and went to the bathroom to take a shower.
When Emily got back in her room, she felt numb until her phone rang. She walked over to the night table and saw that Derek was calling her. She picked it up, nervous.
"Hey, you. What's going on?", she asked, trying to sound normal.
"Well good morning, princess. I went downstairs a minute ago and got us some coffee and muffins. Just wanted to see if you were up. I tried texting you but you didn't answer. Figured you were still asleep.", he said.
"Yeah, I uh- just woke up a minute ago. I was about to hop in the shower but why don't you get ready and come over... as long as nobody is up yet.", she said.
"I'm already changed and ready. I'll walk over now.", he said.
"See you in a second.", she hung up. She freaked out, having to see him right after what she'd just done with Hotch.
Less than a minute later, Derek knocked on her door and she opened it. He walked inside holding their coffees and muffins.
"Hey, babe.", he said, giving her a kiss on the cheek, walking over to the table across the room and setting their breakfast down. She faked a smile that was awkward way beyond imaginable for her.
"Hey, I'm gonna hop in the shower real quick if that's alright.", she said.
"Need any company?", he asked, smirking.
"No, I just need to hop in and out. I don't want to get a late start.", she said abruptly, walking straight into the bathroom, needing to have space from him. She could feel it building.
She turned the water on and got undressed. Once she stepped into the shower, a million thoughts ran through her mind about what happened the night before. She remembered every detail of it. All the way from her pushing Hotch in his room, to getting on top of him, to taking their clothes off, to feeling him inside her, to him saying he loved her, to them calling out each other's names, to falling asleep in his arms after.
She found herself missing him already, wanting to be wrapped in his arms instead of Derek being in her room.
She had no idea what was going to happen now.
She finished her shower and wrapped herself in a towel, walking back into the room and opening her go bag to grab a change of clothes.
Derek came up behind her and grabbed her, kissing her neck. She felt like she couldn't have him in her room anymore and just needed space. She didn't know if it was just the guilt or feeling smothered or uncomfortable by him but it all came bubbling to the surface and she snapped.
"Derek, stop!", she jerked away from him.
He put his hands up and backed away.
"Whoa. I'm sorry. Did I do something?", he asked.
She realized how she snapped at him and instantly felt sorry and turned to face him.
"I'm sorry, I just... I need some space right now. Could you just-", she said, darting her eyes to the door to tell him to leave.
"Okay... Can I get you anything? Do you need-",he asked confused before she cut him off.
"No, please, I just need some space right now. Please, just-", she snapped again as she put her hands in front of her, frustrated.
"Okay, alright, I'm leaving.", he said, grabbing his coffee and walking out the door.
Once he left, she walked to the bed and sat down on the edge and started balling her eyes out.
She couldn't control it. She felt so guilty about what happened and at the same time so sad that whatever happened with Hotch had to come to an end.
On one hand, she wished the previous night had never occurred, but on another, she wished she never had to leave that hotel room in the morning.
She eventually got up and finished getting ready for the day. Once she was dressed, hair and makeup done, she stepped out and saw Hotch walking out of his room at the same time. They looked over at each other and he walked up to her and they started going down the hall, side by side.
"Hey... how are you feeling?", he asked.
"Horrible. I just snapped at Derek for no reason.", she said, lowering her head.
He noticed no one else was out in the hall and he placed his hand on her lower back. It sent chills up her spine, but she didn't move away.
"Why? What happened?", he asked.
"Honestly, I don't know. He came up from behind me and tried to hold me and I instantly jerked away from him and just snapped and told him to get out. For no reason.", she said.
Once they got in the elevator, alone, she leaned her head on his shoulder and his grip on her side tightened.
"Well, I think there probably was a reason.", he said.
She paused. "Aaron?", she started.
"Yeah?", he asked.
"Do you think last night was a mistake...?", she asked quietly.
"Nothing with or about you is a mistake, Em.", he said.
"Don't you think it was wrong what we did?", she asked.
"I don't know... but I do know that I love you and last night was amazing...", he said, kissing her head.
"I know, I just wonder if I ever should have come to your door last night.", she said.
"I don't think we can spend time wondering about the 'what if's'. It happened. Now, we have to figure out where to go from there, which we obviously can't do right now or while we're still here.", he said. The elevator dinged and they got off. "Are you riding with me?", he asked.
"Sure.", she said, breaking apart from him as they walked to the car and got in. Once she put her seatbelt on, he turned to look at her and placed his hand on her face.
"I don't regret last night... It was wrong on some levels, definitely. But I love you. And sharing that with someone you love can't be all wrong.", he said.
She turned to face him and touched his hand. "You really feel that way?", she asked.
He sighed at her, and made a disappointed face almost as if he felt bad for her but caring. "Em... of course, I do.", he said.
She leaned over and kissed him. "Okay...", she said, nodding her head.
He looked in her eyes and kissed her again, stroking her cheek. "Come on, let's head to the station.", he said, starting the car.
Once they got to the station, Emily spotted Derek coming out of the bathroom. She went up to him before he walked back to everyone else.
"Hey...", she said to him.
"Hey.", he said, looking down.
"Listen, Derek, I'm really sorry for snapping at you earlier. I was just in a mood and I took it out on you. I should've communicated it better.", she said.
"Emily, I don't know what's goin' on but that seemed more than just being in a bad mood. Something seriously upset you and...", he looked around and whispered, "I'm your boyfriend. You should be able to talk to me about these things. I know you got a lot of stuff you don't share and that's fine but sometimes you have to. It's kind of hard to make a relationship work if you're not honest and open."
"I know and you're right. When we get back home, come back to my place, spend the night, we'll clear the drawer out for you, and we'll talk. I promise.", she said.
"Alright... Now let's go do our job so we can get home and do that.", he said.
She smiled and they both walked into the conference room where everyone else was.
Throughout the day, Emily stayed focused on work and barely thought about her talk with Derek or her talk with Hotch that she knew she had to have whenever they got back home.
After a few hours, Hotch came back into the conference room from being at a crime scene.
"Hotch, we got a lead.", Reid said, showing him a map with some other files.
"Call Garcia, get us an address, I'll let everybody else know.", Hotch said.
Reid called Garcia and got the address for a warehouse where they believed the unsub was hiding out. Emily rode with Derek on the way there and they were silent the whole ride.
Once they got out of the car, everyone had pulled up at the same time. They all got out and drew their guns, running towards the building.
Derek signaled that he was going around back incase the unsub tried to get away. Everybody else was posted up around the outside of the warehouse except for Emily and Hotch.
They walked in through the door to the building, quietly. It was dark; even their flashlights didn't show much.
Once they came upon doors on each side of a hallway, they signaled to each other they were going in one on each side. Emily took the one closest while Hotch walked down a bit further to one on the other side.
Emily opened the door and immediately, she was hit in the face and knocked down to the ground. A man picked up her gun and pointed it at her.
Hotch had found the room he was in, empty. He spoke into his wire, "Clear."
He waited a moment for her to repeat the same thing but she didn't.
"Emily, do you copy?", he spoke into the wire again. After no answer for 10 seconds, he brought his gun and flashlight back up again. He walked out and went down, towards the room she had gone into, slowly.
All of a sudden, a light turned in the room she was in and Hotch got up against the wall, sliding down the rest of the way. Once he got to the metal door, he turned the handle and pushed it open fast.
Hotch pointed the gun from side to side and saw the unsub in the middle of the room. He pointed it right at the unsub. Emily was on the floor with a cut on her face, bleeding. The unsub had the gun pointed at her and quickly pulled her up and held her in front of him with the gun pointed at her again.
"Put the gun down, Roy.", Hotch tried to say as calmly as he could.
"You put yours down, let me go, and I'll let her go.", the unsub said.
"You know I can't do that. Let her go and we can talk about this. Nobody has to get hurt.", Hotch said, looking at Emily. His heart was racing, seeing the blood dripping down her face and the look she wore on it. He could tell she was scared but trying to not to show it.
"You know, Roy, this is probably why all those women you killed, rejected you in the first place. You're a coward. You couldn't even hold up a relationship for more than a week.", she said.
"Shut up! You don't know what you're talking about!", he yelled as he shook the gun in frustration.
Hotch could tell she was trying to distract the unsub so Hotch could make a move but it just made him more nervous when he saw her clenched fists and her shut her eyes, pressing her lips into a thin line.
"I'm going to tell you one more time. Put the gun down.", Hotch said.
The unsub froze and all of a sudden pointed the gun at Hotch fast and fired 3 times at him, each one hitting him.
"No!", she screamed.
He fell to the ground and the unsub dropped Emily and ran out.
Although she knew she should run after him, her first instinct was to go to Hotch.
Besides, everyone else was outside waiting for him.