People aren't always that different from other animals. Just take a look at two young males, furiously head butting and trying to be impressive for the benefit of the female they both desire. Pity I was too preoccupied to figure out what was going on at once. That could have saved us a lot of aggravation.
Excerpt from 'Ruminations Of A Master Bard'
"Whoa!" Jan said, sitting up on the floor and blinking. "That was a close one, I could actually see the Great Turnip in the sky there for a while."
"Not surprisingly," Jaheira said, wearily rubbing her temples. "You almost died. Both Anomen and I had to exert ourselves in order to pull you back."
Jan's eyes went very wide. "Really? That's very nice of you!" He grinned. "I'll be sure to repay you, by crafting you both an extra special Jansen story, how's that?"
"No!" Anomen exclaimed, jerking back. "No…that….that won't be necessary."
Jaheira was also energetically shaking her head. "Absolutely not. It…it is quite all right. No debt remaining, complete balance…"
"But Jaheira!" Jan said, getting to his feet. "I want to, and I just know you'll love it. Say, maybe I could make it a romantic story, featuring the two of you…"
The druid gave him a dark look and fingered her quarterstaff as if she was having serious problems controlling her temper. "My husband is dead, murdered and mutilated. I am not in the mood for romance."
"And I," Anomen said, "am not interested." He suddenly went very pink in the cheeks and gave Jaheira a nervous look. "No offense meant to you, lady Jaheira, you are of course a charming woman, it is merely that I…"
Jaheira raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"
"That…that I would rather…" Anomen's eyes darted nervously about the room, landing on Zaerini. Then they moved on to the wizard standing right next to her and a scowl to rival Jaheira's spread across his face. "What is he doing here?" he suspiciously asked the bard. "My lady, do you truly think it wise to make that villain privy to our discussions?"
Edwin shot him a look of pure venom and sneered contemptuously. "There is no need for that, you metal-plated monkey. After all, there already is a privy present. Do a careful search and you should be able to find it; the stinking hole is located in the middle of that weedy and ridiculous little thing you probably call a 'beard'. (Whereas mine of course is elegant, immaculately groomed and infinitely stylish.)"
By now Anomen was red rather than pink, and he was actually grinding his teeth. "I'll have you know that this is a perfect beard according to the Rules and Regulations of the Most Noble Order of the Radiant Heart, foul wizard! It follows the guidelines exactly, down to the smallest hair, while you probably make yours grow through some blasphemous rite of deepest darkness!"
"Not necessary, it comes with having the perfect male body, something you would know nothing about. I suggest you try to stop dragging your knuckles along the ground before you attempt joining the rest of humanity. And you probably have to pray your feeble little tuft of hair into existence!"
Zaerini had been listening to this exchange, her mouth hanging open just a little bit at the sudden display of strutting egos. Now she loudly cleared her throat, making both combatants pause and regard her expectantly. "That's enough for now, boys," she said. "You both have cute beards, but right now we really don't have the time to compare them hair by hair." Sheeesh… she thought. Beard envy. Who'd have thought it?
For some reason this declaration of beard neutrality didn't seem to make either the cleric or the wizard very happy. They kept glaring murderously at each other, but at least they had stopped trading insults. Good thing too. Next, they'd probably start comparing chest hair or something.
I have my own ideas about what they'll start comparing next, Softpaws said, sounding as if she was snickering. The mental image she sent her mistress was very vivid, and Rini felt sudden heat rising in her cheeks. You're just making that up. You haven't seen either of them like that.
If that's what you like to think, kitten.
"Ah…anyway…" the bard said, faltering a little. "We all need to clear a few things up I think, but this is hardly the place. Edwin, how about your room? You could set up wards of silence, couldn't you?"
The wizard nodded. "Of course," he said. "It will be but a moment's work for a wizard of my great magnitude. Come, follow me. The rest of you monkeys, try not to get your paws into any of my experiments." He headed up the stairs, not turning to see if anybody followed.
"Monkeys…" Anomen muttered. "I'll show him monkeys…that conniving wretch! No doubt he is planning to betray us all, but I will channel the power of the Order and strike in their name…"
Rini shook her head. Well. They certainly seem to have taken an intense disliking to each other. Hopefully they'll get over it.
Once arrangements had been made to insure privacy against eavesdroppers, Zaerini turned to Edwin. "All right," she said. "What happened down there? Why did Aerie try to kill you? How do you even know her?" Please don't let her be an old girlfriend of his…
"I could ask you the same," the wizard said. "I never would have expected you to be traveling with a torture-adoring priestess of Loviatar, a vicious little harpy who would like nothing better than to flay my perfect skin off my body, inch by slow inch. (Except perhaps doing it to…no. Don't think about that.)"
The reactions of the party to this revelation were diverse, to say the least.
"Loviatar?" Jaheira exclaimed. "Is that so? But she was so…so feeble and helpless and…" Comprehension slowly dawned in her eyes. "I see," she said, her voice frosty. "She played us all for fools, did she not? If I ever encounter her again, I do believe I will want to have words with her about that."
"Impossible!" Minsc shouted. "Poor Aerie is a good person, she always said so herself! And good people don't tell wicked lies, so it has to be true! And people who tell lies about good people are wicked and evil and should get themselves ready for some serious butt-kicking!" The giant ranger was in the process of reaching for his sword, when Boo scuttled up to his ear, squeaking furiously. Minsc paused, looking hesitant. "What…are you sure, Boo? Did you really feel that Aerie was an evil, hamster-killing and black-hearted witch, not at all a good one? But you were afraid to tell me because you thought I might get angry with you?" Big tears rose in Minsc's eyes and then trickled down his cheeks as he lifted the tiny hamster in one enormous hand, gently petting him. "Oh Boo! You know you can tell me anything, I would never get angry with you!"
"Say, that's a very neat hamster," Jan said in a thoughtful voice, eyeing Boo. "Aerie was probably out to steal him to aid in her evil plans. Here Minscey, you'd better let me keep him safe for you!"
"Absolutely not. Boo is safe with me, and we will not be parted. Especially right now, he says that he is very upset."
"Distasteful emotional outbursts," Anomen said and gave Minsc an annoyed look. At the same time Edwin spoke, stating that insane and hamster-obsessed rangers were not something he couldn't live without, and couldn't they feed that furball to the cat? This made Softpaws give him a look of total adoration and wrap herself around his legs, and made Minsc state that anybody who tried to harm Boo would soon be trying to get used to having their head hammered into their stomach. Meanwhile, Anomen and Edwin both looked utterly disgusted about having agreed on something.
"Can we please get back on track here?" Rini pleaded, wearily dragging her hand through her red hair. Aerie as a torturing priestess of Loviatar, lying to and manipulating us all? At a first glance it sounds utterly insane…but the more I think about it, the more it all makes sense. I always thought there was something about her that didn't quite fit, though I couldn't say what. "So, Eddie, I believe you of course, but how do you know her? Is she from Thay? And what do you suppose she was up to?"
The wizard paused before answering, his dark eyes concerned. "I do not know where she is originally from," he said, "but I do not think she is from Thay. It was many years ago that I met her, I was a mere child then, but I will never forget it." When next he spoke, he did it slowly, carefully picking his words. "She was playing a part," he said, "as I'm sure she was doing to make you trust her. At that time, she called herself 'Ciri' for 'Cirindaeriella' which may or may not be her true name, but I don't doubt that she got 'Aerie' the same way. She is exceptionally good at manipulating people, and she enjoys nothing more than causing suffering. At the time, she was involved in a murder, she had killed one of my mother's friends." He fidgeted a little with the sleeve of his robe. "In the investigation that followed, she was revealed for what she really was, and nearly killed. Unfortunately, she got away. I do not doubt that she would love to slowly kill me for my part in her downfall, as well as my…family. Perhaps she somehow thought she could get to me through you. Or she may have had other reasons. Whatever her plans, you may be sure that they will be highly unpleasant."
The half-elf thought about this, shivering a little. "Yeah…I can guess. Loviatar worshippers love torture. Just like…just like him. Irenicus." She hugged herself briefly, trying not to let the memories overwhelm her. Through the cloth of her borrowed shirt she could feel one of the scars that still remained on her body.
"Fear not, my lady," Anomen said. He had somehow managed to cross the floor without her noticing, and now he was hovering by her side. "I solemnly swear to you, in the name of all that's good and holy, that I will let no harm come to you, no evil fiend molest you!" He eagerly grasped her hand and pressed it to his lips. It felt rather nice actually, but she was too surprised to do more than stare at him.
"Then I suggest you keep away from her," Edwin snarled. The wizard had virtually glued himself to her other side, and now he was glaring daggers at Anomen. "I'm sure your disgusting slobber carries all sorts of horrible diseases you got off your little paladin friends, or possibly their horses. (How dare he touch her as if he had a right to do so? If he does it again I'll start out by charbroiling his codpiece and its meager contents, and then I'll get really creative!)"
"I suggest you keep your distance from the lady," Anomen growled in return. By now he and Edwin were practically oblivious of everything around them, staring angrily into each other's faces from a few inches distance. "She does not need to be subjected to any of your dark arts, or your corruptive influence. What she does need is a champion bold and true."
"And that would be you? The man with the accent that makes you sound as if you're wearing an armor three sizes too small in the trousers?"
"At least my accent is romantic and confidence-inspiring, rather than sinister and oily!"
"Oily, is it? I'll show you oily. (One Grease right on top of him, and then a Fireball…)"
"Try it, villain, and I shall smite you!"
"STOP IT!" Zaerini screamed at the top of her voice, making both the combatants shut up and put their hands over their ears, their faces pained. "That's better," the half-elf said, putting her hands on her hips. "No more of this nonsense!" She gave both the combatants a disapproving look. "I won't have you killing each other while you're both traveling with me, and if everything goes as I hope, you soon will be." She ignored the look of utter horror on Anomen's face. "Eddie, I'm not really working for Mae'Var. Renal Bloodscalp wants me to expose him as a traitor, I'm just here looking for evidence. It's up to you of course, but…wouldn't you rather join me than him?"
Both Edwin and Anomen inhaled sharply at exactly the same time.
"But my lady!" Anomen said.
"Of course," Edwin said at the same time. "I had suspected as much. In fact…I will be able to help you. I know where Mae'Var keeps his important documents, and as his trusted right hand I also happen to have a key to his safe. But remember – if I do this for you, then Mae'Var must die, or I will be at great risk."
Rini gave him a bright smile, something that caused the wizard to swallow heavily and look as if he was feeling very hot. "That won't be a problem. I wouldn't want to risk your life, you know. Never that. I'm just…very happy to have you with us."
"As it should be," Edwin said. "After all, I'm the Greatest Wizard in the world, a witty, charming and intellectually bedazzling conversationalist, a great cook and excellent at…er…" His voice trailed off as he kept staring into her eyes.
And with a very cute ego Rini thought, feeling warm feelings of happiness spread through her entire body.
Jaheira was concerned. This was not an unusual occurrence; sometimes she felt that it was her natural state of being. Or at least that it had become so, after she had found herself the protector of Zaerini and Imoen. Her – and Khalid of course. Those girls…trying to keep them safe would tax the patience of anybody. Khalid was always able to smile about it though. When they had managed to drive me up the wall, he would make a joke so I could not help but laugh, and then things did not feel so bad. I wonder if I will ever be able to laugh again? Khalid, I miss you so much. With every beat of my heart, with every breath I take, I am missing you. Part of me died along with you.
Warrior. Druid. Harper. Those parts still remained. But no longer a wife. Jaheira shook her head angrily, feeling her golden-brown hair whip about her face. No! I am still the wife of Khalid, and I always will be, whatever happens. In my heart, I still am. And I can still be of use to the girls, I know I can. I will be strong for their sake, and for my husband. And I will take my vengeance.
Vengeance. The word was a sweet one. She visualized herself summoning a vast mass of strangling vines to rip the concealing mask off the one who had murdered her love, the one who had stolen the light from her world. Vines rending his body slowly to pieces, choking the life out of him. It felt good. But not good enough. I would kill him with my own bare hands, if possible. Or with my teeth. She knew how to shapechange, a power that had served her well enough in the past. As a beast, she could get what she craved. To feel his flesh tear between my teeth, to taste his blood running down my throat…yes. That is what I desire, and I will have it if I can. But the children must come first.
Imoen worried her the most at the moment of course. Jaheira had visited Amn and Athkatla before, she knew of the power the Cowled Wizards held, and how dangerous it was to challenge them. Yet it must be done. As far as she knew, nobody who had been taken by the wizards had ever returned, and nobody knew where their prisoners were kept. She could not even be certain that the child was still alive. But I have to hope. Have to try. I was forced to…to leave Khalid down there. I will not leave Imoen. I just hope she has the sense not to provoke her captors. She is a kind girl, but she takes after Zaerini in that regard.
Zaerini. Now there was another problem. The bard had seemed to bounce back well and good after her almost-breakdown after they had escaped the dank underworld nightmare of Irenicus' dungeon. A little too well perhaps. She still does not recall even half of what that monster did to her. And when she starts to remember I fear for her sanity. Jaheira had seen some of the scars that still remained on the other half-elf's body, but she was convinced that the scars in her soul ran far deeper. Yet another reason to kill Irenicus, slowly and painfully. He will pay for hurting the children in that way. Sometimes Zaerini seemed entirely her old self, but Jaheira feared for the younger woman all the same, knowing that there had to be darkness lurking beneath the energetic surface. And that wizard certainly will not make things any better.
Jaheira tapped her foot irritably as she gave Edwin a look out of the corner of her eye. The adventurers were standing inside a luxurious bedroom dominated by an enormous bed that looked like you might drown in it and which was decorated with hideous golden grapes. The second most remarkable piece of furniture in the room was a large Iron Maiden standing in one corner. Presumably it had been placed there so that Mae'Var could supply himself with a bit of instant torture if he ever woke up in the middle of the night. Jaheira had heard of writers keeping pen and paper on their nightstand for similar purposes. Mae'Var's nightstand held a pair of thumbscrews. Along one wall there was an iron safe, which Edwin was currently unlocking, looking very pleased with himself.
Perhaps he can help us, but I would rather we were rid of him. He is nothing but trouble, and will cause nothing but pain.
Zaerini might have chosen to disregard it for now, but Jaheira remembered how devastated the bard had been after Edwin left. At first, she had searched frenetically for him, hardly sleeping, hardly eating, almost running herself into the ground. Then, when she had been forced to realize that she wouldn't find him, she had fallen into an apathetic state, not speaking at all. I was certain she would die from a broken heart. And I am not about to forgive him for that. Most importantly I will never allow him to do the same again. I will kill him before I let him hurt her like that again.
The druid noticed that Anomen, too, didn't seem all that happy about the addition of the Red Wizard to their group. The natural suspicion against a member of an evil organization – or something else? It hadn't escaped her that the young cleric seemed to be paying a great deal of attention to Zaerini, even if the bard appeared to be oblivious of it so far. He may be less of a danger to her than Edwin is, but I am not sure he is suitable all the same. A Helmite and a would-be knight both, and he is so very rigid and unforgiving. No, I am sure she can do better.
"Aha!" Edwin said, proudly displaying a thick bundle of papers. "Here we are. The masterful espionage skills of Edwin Odesseiron triumph once again, as my cunning reaches new heights. (If this doesn't impress her, I don't know what will.)"
"Using a key to open a door?" Jan said, smirking a little. "Very impressive I'm sure, Oh Great Red One. You must teach me how to do that sometime, it sounds a fascinating skill."
"I meant the finding of the proper documents, you annoying little monkey," Edwin said in a haughty voice. Then he handed Zaerini the paper. "I believe these are what you were looking for," he said. "These documents are proof that Mae'Var has conspired with the Night Masks guild to have Renal Bloodscalp assassinated. Now all you need to do is show them to Renal, and then the matter will be well in hand. (I wish I could have things well in hand as well. Particularly her enchanting little…)"
"Thanks, Eddie!" Zaerini said, winking at the wizard in a way that caused him to cough violently. "Are you sure you haven't got a burglar or two in the family? You sure seem to be enjoying yourself, and you seem very knowledgeable about the inner workings of a Thieves Guild."
"Ah…no," Edwin said, looking a little flustered. "Only wizards, as far as I know. I…have picked up the odd bit of information here and there though."
"So it seems. Well, let's go see Renal then. I'm sure he'll be very interested to learn this."
As it turned out, Renal Bloodscalp was pleased indeed. When the adventurers returned to him, he was reclining on a sort of couch, idly stroking the white cat Mr Fluffy who was sitting on his stomach, looking rather bored. "Ah, Zaerini!" Bloodscalp said, sounding pleased. "I was just counting some loot from a delightful outing we had not long ago and I thought of you. Mask help me if I didn't smile just a little! You won't make that smile disappear, will you? You've brought news, perhaps? You've brought some evidence of Mae'Var's foulness? And presumably you also have some reason for bringing his pet wizard into this place?"
"Have a care how you speak of me, thief," Edwin said in a haughty voice. "Edwin Odesseiron is no man's pet. I go where I please, with whom I please, and if your limited mind has problems understanding that, there is a Fireball with your name on it, waiting to teach you differently."
"Not now, Edwin!" Zaerini hissed, grasping the wizard tightly by the arm. "Please excuse him," she told Bloodscalp with a winning smile. "It's been a long day. Anyway, we do have the proof you require. It seems Mae'Var has been making overtures to the Night Knives." With that, she handed the thief the documents, which he read through quickly, his expression never changing.
For a few moments the only sound in the room was Mr Fluffy's contented purring. Then Renal Bloodscalp suddenly smiled. "Yes," he said. "This is more than enough to condemn Mae'Var completely. Well done." He paused, rubbing his cat behind one furry white ear. "Only one part of our deal remains, and then you will have your reward."
"And that is?" Zaerini warily asked.
"Why, to eliminate Mae'Var of course! I would like you to do it as soon as possible." He smiled again, the smile of a hungry shark. "Believe me, you have my full authority in this matter."
More assassination, Jaheira thought, not feeling pleased at all. We walk down dark roads these days, and not ones of my choosing. But I cannot…must not interfere at this point. There are killers hiding in the shadows all around us, and if Bloodscalp should give the word, we will stand no chance.
Zaerini shrugged, and when next she spoke, she was mimicking Bloodscalp's lazy, drawling tones. "I can't say I liked Mae'Var all that much," she said. "Torture isn't really a practice I approve of. Quite the opposite, actually. And once Mae'Var discovers those documents are missing he will know to suspect Edwin, and pose a very real threat, so that's another good reason. So yes, Mae'Var will die." There was a sudden flash of fire in her golden eyes. "And afterwards, I will expect you to be grateful. Very grateful."
"Of course," Renal Bloodscalp impassively said. "Afterwards."
Out in the street again, Zaerini turned to her companions. "I don't think we should go see Mae'Var at once," she said. "Much as I hate to lose the element of surprise, it's been a long day, and we're all tired. We need rest. I suggest we go back to the Copper Coronet for the night, and then come back here tomorrow."
There were no protests. Jaheira suddenly noticed that she was tired and judging by the pale and drawn faces around her, she wasn't the only one. It has been a long day. All that business with Mae'Var, and breaking into the temple of Talos, and then Rayic Gethras…and Aerie. I still cannot believethat she managed to fool us all like that. The druid felt a brief surge of anger as she thought of the Avariel. I do not know what game she was playing, but I will not allow her to harm us further. She will pay dearly for her deceit.
A thought occurred to her then, one that brought a brief smile to her face. Of course! The Harpers! It has been long since I was here, but I am certain they still have agents within the city. If they do, I should seek them out as soon as possible. They will likely know if the Loviatar priesthood is involved in some particular scheme here, or if this was just some random mischief. Perhaps they will know something about the other happenings in the city as well, like this 'guild war' we have been hearing so much about. Perhaps they might even know of Irenicus. I cannot believe I did not think of it before, but I suppose the recent ordeals must have clouded my mind. I should start with finding Belgrade, as soon as I have the time.
The druid smiled fondly as she thought of her Harper friend. Belgrade had been little more than an eager boy when last she had seen him, but now he would be…what? In his forties, perhaps? Humans aged so swiftly. Those were happy days. Dangerous and fraught with peril, but happy. It will be good to see Belgrade again, too long have my duties kept me from doing so. I wonder if he is less awkward than I remember him?
"Lady Jaheira?" Jaheira blinked as she was torn from her reverie and looked into Anomen's anxious face. Another boy, one who fancies himself a hero, no less.
"Yes?" she asked.
"I was wondering…" The squire was speaking in a low voice, and he looked behind him, to where Zaerini was walking, chatting quietly with Edwin. Something the wizard said made the redhead laugh a little, though she then proceeded to punch him lightly in the arm. "I was wondering," Anomen said, "what you know of this…this wizard. Surely, he cannot be trusted? And how well does the Lady Zaerini know him?"
"We have traveled with him before," Jaheira cautiously said. "At one time I thought he could be trusted. Now, I do not know. He disappeared for no apparent reason." She paused before continuing, not sure how much it would be prudent to say. Angry as I am with Edwin, I have no wish to become Anomen's romantic agent either. Let them settle that on their own. "As for Zaerini, I suggest you talk to her yourself, if you wish to know more about what she thinks."
Anomen nodded. "I shall do so," he said. "It was discourteous of me to pry, and I apologize." He bit his lip briefly. "I am merely worried for her, that is all." Then his voice took on a more eager note. "Yes, I shall speak with her. I had intended to do so anyway, it is prudent to get to know your companions better, and I wished to tell her of some of my past campaigns with the Order." The blushed a little. "To ensure her of my skill in battle, you see."
"I see," Jaheira said in a neutral voice. So very young. Let us hope there will be no broken hearts.
"Yes, I believe she will be most interested, and…" Anomen suddenly broke off. "What was that?"
Jaheira paused to listen. Now she could hear it too, a sound like hissing laughter, in the deep shadows of an intersecting alley. And there were eyes, deep red eyes glowing in the darkness. She felt a deep chill in the air, and a sudden smell, a damp and old smell as from an opened tomb. Then, before she could ready her weapon, the thing in the shadows was gone, as if it had never been there. She shivered as cold tendrils of drifting mist glided past her, and tried to listen for further sounds, but there were none. "I do not know," she said. "But I do not like it." I do not like it at all.