A/n: Thanks for all your lovely reviews! This chapter takes place after Madi's trip with JJ and Penelope. Enjoy!
The tips of his fingers were numb as he tapped on the table. His vision was blurring into one blob as he tried to keep his focus on the screen. All that spat out at him were the same words. The same dates. The same information he had seen for the last decade. His mind was jumbled. His stomach growled and to make matters worse, he had drunk all the coffee in his cup. To say that he couldn't concentrate would be an understatement.
Not bothering to fight the boredom, he shut down the case, closed the laptop and placed it back into his work bag; it could wait until another day.
JJ had called to say that they were on their way back with Bailey. His mind wandered off as he thought about his daughter's uncharacteristic behaviour over the last 24 hours. The slightest face screw up at the mention of eggs, no pranks on Jack, her quiet nature. The nibbling of her fingertips and nails. The questions about Emily…
Bailey just didn't do that. He knew that she was growing up. And inevitably, certain aspects of her behaviour would change-Jack had gone through a similar stage too-but the behaviour didn't pull a 180 within two weeks.
It was like she had gone and returned as a different person.
A wave of nausea sped through him as the realisation hit. That was precisely what'd happened. This girl was too different to be Bailey. She didn't know the little nuances that Bailey had. The way she would pace around when she was anxious, unintentionally stomping her feet on the floor. How giggles would come from her room while reading a story. How she would cuddle with him in bed every morning before he got up.
His hands massaged the back of his neck while his palms started to sweat profusely. He struggled for his breath as it got heavier. His mind was spiralling. Confusion, disbelief, happiness, anger… How was it even possible?
Madison. His little Madi.
His head pounded as he rested on the table and closed his eyes tightly, he didn't know what to do with himself. His eyes threatened to water, and his mouth was begging to tremble, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Up until now, he had seen that girl as Bailey. He needed to see her as Madison.
Silence filled the apartment, apart from the gentle hum of the air conditioning and the ticking of his watch. It never occurred to him how quiet it could be when both his kids were out, it made him realise why he had chosen to have children. They bought innocent light into the house, laughter, happiness. He'd rather live like that any day over living in silence.
He didn't know how long he had spent laying there when muffled voices approached the door.
He gulped, took in a sharp breath and opened the door for his daughter. He didn't even bother to look through the peephole. There she stood with a closed smile on her face, her dark eyes identical to her sister's making contact with his watery ones.
She was just like Bailey in terms of physical appearance. The same almond-shaped eyes, her mother's perfect nose, thin pursed lips like his own. She already had him wrapped around her little finger.
The minute the door opened, and she saw his face, JJ knew that something was up. "Hotch? Everything okay?"
He had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep his composure, but even that didn't work. A single tear slid down his cheek as he observed his little girl up and down. He glanced at the lightest of marks on her lower neck, something he hadn't noticed prior. He fell to his knees, reached up and traced the outline of her face.
Madison gulped in understanding.
He knew.
As the wrinkles on his forehead creased and his hands gripped the sides of her face gently, Madison wiped the tear rolling down his cheek with her index finger. The dimples in her cheeks shone as her smile turned into a large beam. Aaron gently pulled her closer to him and enveloped her in a tight hug, locking her in his arms so she couldn't escape.
Penelope and JJ stood there in silence, watching the whole scene unfold. The 100th round of tears swept over them again.
Madison tugged at her father's dark shirt as he buried his face into the crook of her neck. She could feel him grasping for his breathe as every emotion he had ever felt overwhelmed him.
It was heart-breaking.
Here was the man that she had been dreaming of meeting her entire life, kneeling on the floor with her in his embrace, crying his eyes out. She hadn't known how incredibly sensitive he was. Bailey and Clyde had described him as this strong warrior. He went out into the unknown and saved people, ultimately poker-faced. It crushed her heart as he completely fell apart in front of her.
He was more than just a hero. He was human.
His knees were killing him, being stuck in the same position on a wooden floor for over 20 minutes, but he didn't care. It was all worth it being able to hug his daughter- truly hug her- for the first time in 10 years.
"It's really you…" He whispered in disbelief. "I didn't think I'd ever find you…"
Madison bit the bottom of her lip trying to hold back her own tears. "How did I not notice who you really were?" His cheeks were rosy and stained wet. He placed a long kiss on her left cheek.
"We'll leave you two alone…" JJ interrupted as she patted her hand on Hotch's back and gave Madison a peck on her other cheek. Penelope did the same.
"JJ…" He called as she began to turn away. She glanced back, gazing into his blood-shot eyes. Her heartstrings were pulling. The one thing she hated was seeing her good friends in pain. "Thank you…" He barely whispered the last part. She nodded, giving a sad smile.
He stood up- ignoring the aching pain in his knees- and shut the door, before glancing back down at his beautiful daughter. A piece of his heart had shattered and been filled simultaneously. It comforted him knowing that after all these years, she had been alive, she was safe. Her mother had protected her.
"Madison… My Sweetheart…"
"Dad…"
Aaron painfully stumbled to the couch with knobbly knees, sitting down and resting his head against the headrest. Madison followed suit, placing Bailey's shoulder bag and the items she had bought down by the door, before sitting down next to her dad and resting her head on his chest. He draped an arm over her lean shoulders.
He had so many questions for her, but none of them was able to come out of his mouth. He was in shock. "I'm sorry I lied to you dad…"
Her dark eyes were filled with sorrow as she glanced up at him. Aaron closed his eyes and shook his head. "You don't have to apologise for anything my sweetheart…" He smoothed his hand over her shoulders- comforting Madison.
It was a huge sense of relief to know that he wasn't mad at her. It was the last thing that she wanted to happen. Her heart couldn't cope enough as it was seeing him fall to pieces, seeing him angry would have broken her even more.
"You were planning on telling me… Weren't you?" She sensed no anger in his voice, but almost a playful tone. She smiled and let out a breathy sigh.
"Maybe…" She replied in the same tone. He couldn't help but smile, she was for sure his daughter. "I didn't want you to be mad…"
He hummed and shook his head. "No, Madi… I could never be mad at you…" He whispered, placing a small kiss to the top of her brunette hair. It was the truth; he couldn't bring himself to be mad for anything that she had done. She was scared. She had every right to be.
"Can you tell me about what happened between you and mom now?" She asked a little more hopeful. His protective grip around her shoulder intensified, and he shrugged his shoulders.
"I wish I could tell you… But the truth is, I still don't really know." He answered, honestly. Madison fumbled with her hands.
"I know that she still thinks about you… But, she's always sad, even when she says she's not."
It was the first time he had talked to anyone about Emily in months. To hear from his daughter that she still thought about him brought a sense of comfort, and yet another pang of anger at the same time. He thought about her every day, and his feelings about the whole situation were always changing. But he knew that one thing hadn't changed deep down.
He still had feelings for her.
"Your mom went through a lot before she left…"
"Like what?"
He shook his head out of embarrassment and shame. "I wasn't there for her enough… I wasn't there when she needed me the most. Whatever she was suffering from, she suffered alone." He took a heavy breath. "Some days, I think part of the reason why she left was because of those mistakes."
There was massive regret in his voice, and Madison realised how complicated the situation between her parents was. Not only were there problems with blackmail, but they had issues with their relationship just to put the cherry on top of the cake.
"Whatever happened, I don't believe that she left because of you." Hotch planted a kiss on the tip of her hairline. "JJ and Penelope told me she was being blackmailed."
"What else did they tell you about?"
She shrugged. "They said they couldn't tell me much. Just that mom left because someone wanted to hurt her…" He nodded. "Why haven't you been able to catch him?"
He sighed hopelessly, staring at the floor. It was a difficult question to answer because there were so many reasons why. The main one being that it was personal. It's hard to profile someone who you know and love to the ends of the earth and think of them as a victim. It's hard to know what they went through and pretend that nothing has changed.
The corners of his mouth fumbled, not knowing what to say. "Because he's sneaky. And manipulative…"
"A psychopath?" Aaron couldn't help but smile and nodded. She had a vast knowledge of crime and behaviour, just like Bailey did.
"We'll catch him one day Madi… I promise you we will." It was a promise he was never going to break.
He sensed the sadness in her eyes. "I hope so…" She wanted her family back together as much as he did. It saddened him to think that someone they didn't know had torn apart their family. Just like Doyle had. Just like the reaper had. Why were there such big targets on their heads?
He couldn't sleep that night; his eyes were glued to the little girl sleeping peacefully next to him. She snuggled into Bailey's otter toy, while her knees curled up against her lower tummy. Even in sleep, she was so different from her sister. Bailey would sprawl out like the star of David, there had been times where she had literally kicked him out of bed. He wasn't too sure who she'd inherited that trait from, he was willing to blame Emily for it.
Glancing at the outline of his daughter's face illuminated by the moonlight streaming through the cracks in the blinds, a sense of dread filled his stomach as he thought about seeing Emily again. He knew that once she figured out that Madi was Bailey, she would be forced to come back to the states. They would be forced to talk to each other. Forced to end this torture once and for all.
It's not that he didn't want to see her again, he did. But he was afraid of hurting her, hurting her like he did a decade ago. He may have been a changed man since those days, but the fear lingered. The more that he thought about her, the more memories that he'd jailed away began to return to him.
He thought about the time when they had dinner at Rossi's place shortly after Emily returned to the BAU- after her agonising fight with Doyle. He remembered how she managed to skull back at least 2 large bottles of wine along with JJ and Penelope. That was something he had found so fascinating about her, she could skull back anything she'd wanted. It was a long night after that, arguing with her to get in his car and not drive home drunk and waiting for her to fall asleep as soon as the alcohol buzz wore off.
He remembered the time they took Jack and the twins to the park, Jack kept sliding down the long, blue slide while Emily pushed the twins in the little baby swings. They had the tiniest toothless smiles back then. Memories of how gentle she would be with all his children flooded his head. Bathing Jack at night, soothing him when he had nightmares- back then he'd rather snuggle into Emily than himself.
It was hard to admit it to himself…He missed those memories. He missed her…
Madison rubbed her eyes tiredly as she familiarised herself with her surroundings. Then she remembered that she had spent the night in her father's bedroom. She looked over and saw that he was sound asleep, gently snoring with his mouth slightly open.
A dimpled smile appeared on her face as she lay her ear on his chest, hearing his heartbeat slowly thumping. She was thrilled that she didn't have to pretend to be someone else, she could just be herself. It was a freeing feeling. All she had left to reveal her identity to now was Jack, Uncle Dave, Spencer and Derek.
She felt her father move and an arm wrapped around the back of her shoulders. "You're awake…" He muttered tiredly as he glanced down at his daughter cuddled into him.
His eyes felt like sandpaper, only being able to fall asleep as soon as the sun started to rise, but it was all worth it to watch his daughter sleep in peace. He had done the same thing with Jack and Bailey growing up, it gave him a sense of comfort and security. Knowing that they were being watched over and protected.
"Can we make some French Toast?" She asked as she plumped her forearms on his chest. He smiled, remembering that it was one of Emily's favourite things to eat in the morning. He hadn't made it for years though. It brought back too many painful memories, but it was something he'd make if it meant bonding with his daughter.
"You'll have to reteach me." Madison smiled and got up right away, heading into the kitchen to get all the ingredients ready.
After having breakfast and cleaning the dishes away, Aaron got changed into his suit for work. It was a Sunday, and he didn't particularly feel like going in, but Madi had begged him to take her to the BAU so she could see where he worked. It's not like they had anything better to do either, and there was always extra paperwork that needed to be caught up.
"You ready Mads?" Mads… She liked the nickname. It was better than her mother calling her Madi booboo when she was a kid.
That was an embarrassing nickname.
The BAU wasn't how she'd pictured it. She imagined that there would be small offices everywhere, like how it was at Interpol. The BAU was much more open. Her mouth dropped open in awe as she glanced around the bullpen, taking in every piece of furniture, every person. She got the sense that it was relatively empty for a Sunday afternoon.
She followed Aaron to his office, where he dumped his laptop bag next to his desk and turned on the computers behind him. There was a picture of Jack and Bailey on his bookshelf- looked to be taken when they were little- cuddling together. "Are Uncle Dave and Spencer gonna come?" Madi asked with her eyebrows raised.
Aaron laughed to himself and took out a box, he opened it revealing coloured pencils and felt tips. "Sweetheart, they don't like to come in on Sundays, but maybe… I could make a phone call to them; I'm just going to head down to JJ's office to get some documents. You stay here, and I'll be back in just a minute."
Madison nodded, grabbed a piece of paper from her father's desk and began to draw some turtles. She'd always loved turtles growing up. She remembered going to the zoo back in England with her mother and standing at the turtle exhibit for ages, just watching them slowly crawl along with the dirt and into the water.
Just as Aaron was about to leave his office, he froze dead in his tracks, with his feet melding into the floor. She stood by the entrance to the bullpen with Bailey trying to drag her in. They made eye contact with each other, and he saw the pain and torture evident in her eyes.
A/N: I guess with this chapter I was focusing a lot on Hotch's feelings about the whole situation, and it was super fun to write. I know that there have been a lot of tears from every character in the last few chapters, but hey... It's an angsty sort of story. I get the sense with Hotch that he is very sensitive when it comes to his children, especially if you watch him in the show and his interactions with Jack.
You may have noticed that Hotch remembered the dinner at Rossi's house in episode 7x02 I believe. I actually wrote a piece about my take on what happened at that dinner. I'm tempted to upload it separately as a one-shot, but I would have to go through and edit it first.
I'm so excited to share the chapter next week with you guys. I'm currently in the midst of writing it. Thank you all again so much for taking the time to read and review. See you all next week!