Chapter 22
"Hello!" I yell into the darkness. Only my echo answers me. It feels like I have been trapped here for days, maybe even months. It's so cold and lonely here. I'm going a bit stir crazy. Somedays I think I can hear a very faint whisper but it is gone as soon as it came. Is this what death feels like? I have to be dead because the last thing I can remember is the accident and that was bad. Blood rushing up to my mouth. My leg was numb. My upper arm hurt like hell. And my head. I must have busted my head open. Can one person survive all of that? I did survive seven months of whipping and cutting and beatings. But maybe I reached my quota of what I can endure. That would make sense, right? But I really hope I didn't die, if this is what my afterlife looks like. I walk around some more. That is all I have been doing. I feel like if I just stand still, I will fade away. I need to keep moving.
"God? Are you here?" I try. I have never been an overly religious person but I believe that there is someone thing bigger than all of us who created us. I believe that all the religions are the same. All of them believe in something bigger and greater than themselves.
"I wonder what my family is doing right now. Do they know about the accident?" Images of Lissa sitting on the floor crying into Christian's shoulder. My mother and father putting a bunch of flowers on my grave. I don't want to be gone yet. There is so much I still wanted to do. I wanted to see Rosalie grow up. I wanted to have my own babies. I wanted to pick out my wedding dress with Lissa and my mother. I wanted to walk down the isle with my father and dance with him at my wedding. I'm only twenty-one. I should have at least forty more years to see the world.
"Then don't give up!" A familiar voice bellows behind me. I turn around and come face to face with Andre, Lissa's older brother who died from the accident that took her parents away.
"Andre? Is that really you?" I ask. He comes a bit closer to me. He looks exactly the same as the last time I saw him. His blond hair is messy but stylish and his green eyes is the same shade as Lissa's. They could have been twins. He was always very attractive in my eyes. His beautiful personality just added to his appearance.
"Of course, its me." He says and runs a hand through his hair.
"Am I dead? Is that why I'm seeing you now?" Andre shakes his head. His eyes look sad, so sad.
"No, Rose. But you are close. You need to start fighting to stay alive. You are in the between now. Not dead but slipping every second." I start to pace in front of him. I still have a change to go back to the world of the living. I can be with my family again. I can do all the things I said I wanted to.
"How do I get back?" I ask. Andre sticks his hands in his front pockets and leans against the darkness. It looks like he is just hovering to the side.
"It's simple Rose. You have to want it bad enough. Right now, you want to go back but the idea of being free and at peace is tempting to you. You don't want to go back to the place where your kidnapper is still free but you want to be with your family." He says. All of it makes sense. I don't want to go back because I know I will be in pain and I will be vulnerable and my kidnapper could get the upper hand anytime he wanted. But I want to be with my family. I want to help Lissa plan her wedding. I want to move further in my relationship with Dimitri. I want to watch my parents grow and become grandparent to my kids. My life is still so unfinished.
"How can I stop the doubts? How can I force myself back into my body?" I ask him.
"I told you. You need to want it bad enough. When you think about the pain you will be in, that thought should be overshadowed by the thought of the love and support you will get from your nearest and dearest."
"But I'm too weak now. He will be able to get to me." Andre stands up straight. He raises one eyebrow and tilts his head to the side.
"That is all in your head. You need to fight Rose." He sounds frustrated now.
"You need to let the joy of all the positive things you have overflow your senses. You found love after everything you went though. Hold on to that. How do you think he is feeling right now? It was his car that crashed. He was supposed to be in that accident not you. And my sister. She needs you Rose. You were her only family after we died. She needs you to help her through this life." Andre takes a few steps forward and he is so close to me, I can feel his breath on my face.
"And my little niece. She needs an aunty that will protect her and love her and be there for her. I can't be there for her. But I wouldn't want anyone else but you to be here aunt." I can feel the tears run down my cheeks and fall from my chin. Rosalie needs me. Family is everything in life and I'm a part of hers.
"I want to live." I say to Andre.
"Try again." He says. I picture Dimitri in my mind. His laugh, his eyes, his hands holding me. I want to be with him forever.
"I want to kiss Dimitri again. I want to love him until I can't anymore." Andre shakes his head at me.
"Try harder Rose." Lissa pops into my head. Her wedding day. She is standing in front of a mirror in her dress but she is crying sad tears. She misses me. I should be there.
"I want to be by Lissa's side as she gets married." I say. More tears drip from my chin. Andre leans forward.
"Again." He yells in my face. Rosalie starts to cry as they stand by my open casket. She is reaching for me but I can't take her into my arms. I'll never get to teach her about boys and how to be a badass.
"Rosalie needs…" I stop talking as I notice my masked kidnapper sitting on a red chair behind Andre. He has his legs crossed and his arms rests on the sides of the chair. Even though I can't see his face, I know he is satisfied with himself. That smug bastard. Andre looks behind him and sees my kidnapper to. He sighs as he looks back at me.
"I can't help you with him Rose. You need to be strong enough to fight him and win. If you don't, then my niece will grow up not knowing you." Andre starts to fade right in front of me. I try to grab onto him but my hands go right through him. I can't believe he is leaving me here on my own with that man. Doesn't he see that I need his help? I can't fight him on my own.
"Fight Roza, you can do this. Just believe in yourself. Believe in the love we have. Come back to me." I hear Dimitri's voice loud and clear. I press my hands over my ears.
"I can't do this alone." I scream, hoping Dimitri will hear me and come here to help me like Andre did.
"Oh, little Flower. It is just you and me now. Just come to me and surrender. You know you want to." He opens up his arms for me as if I will run to him. I turn my back on him and start walking away.
"You can't out run me here. You can't in the real world either. I have my eyes on you always. I know you better than that Russian does. Just give yourself to me." I turn around and come face to face with him. Panic start to set in when I realize he is in touching distance of me. If he just reaches out a few inches he will touch me.
"That fear in your eyes is what keeps me the champion in your darkness. You don't need to fear me Flower. I only want to love you." He reaches forward and runs his knuckles over my cheek. A shudder makes it way through my whole body. I don't know what is worse. His rough touch or his gentle one. I can't give into him but it would be so easy. I'm tired of fighting.
"That's it, come to me." He opens up his arms again. I take a small step closer. My family will move on. They will mourn me and be overtaken by grieve but after a few months, they will start to heal and get better. How long will it take me to heal and get better?
"I am closer to you than you think." He says. I stop moving forward and look up at his face. If he hadn't said anything, I would have molded my body to his and I would have been gone. But his words hit home. He is still out there. He could be anyone. I can't give him the satisfaction of dying without knowing who he is. No, I need to find him. I dig up ever ounce of strength I have and push him on his chest. He takes a few steps back.
"You won't win this time." I yell at him as I push him again.
"I am stronger now because I have found someone who really loves me." I strike at him with my right fist and connect with his jaw. He falls to the ground and I straddle him.
"You don't love me, you only thing you do." I punch his face again.
"I will find out who you are and then you will never be a factor in my life again." I let all my anger out into each punch I give him. I want to destroy him because he almost destroyed me. I deserve better than this. He needs to pay.
"I am no longer scared of you!" I yell and throw both my fists to his face but he disappears and I fall forward into the darkness. A small light appears in front of me and as I fall, the light gets bigger and bigger until it swallows me whole. A blanket of warmth envelopes me and I feel peace for a few moments.
I try to open my eyes, but they won't budge.
"Rose can't continue like this. If she doesn't wake up soon, we can't keep her on life support much longer." Life support? Did I hear that person correctly? How can I be on life support if I can hear what is happening around me? I can hear the slow beat of my heart. The sound of the ventilator breathing for me. I can feel someone holding my hand. I need to open my eyes. I need to show them that I am here and I'm not a vegetable they can unplug.
"How long can we still keep her?" I hear my father right next to me. He must be the one holding my hand.
"Her organs are going to start to die in a few weeks. She is a perfect donner. Her organs could help save many lives." They want to cut me up. No, I'm right here. Open up eyes. This is your chance to shine. It feels like heavy rocks are resting on my eyelids. Why is this happening? What is the point of getting out of the darkness if I can't be with my loved ones?
"I can't give up on her right now. She is my baby girl Ibrahim." I hear my mother on my other side. I have caused such pain for them. They deserve more. Please open up eyes.
"We will wait as long as we can Karım." I want to kiss my father for holding on to me. It is silent around me for a very long time after that. I can hear people coming through the door but they don't say anything. I feel touches all over my body and kisses on my face. Its torture to know that my family is all around me but they don't know I am here and I can feel and hear them. I guess it has been a day since I came back to my body.
"Rose, this is all so messed up." I recognize Mason's voice. He sounds anxious and I can hear him pacing beside my bed.
"It was never supposed to get this far. You were never supposed to get hurt. You mean so much to me. You always have. I have loved you since I saw you. This just got out of hand." I hear slapping sounds, like he is hitting himself in the face. Mason is my kidnapper. He is the one who hurt me. It makes sense. He has always had a crush on me and I never loved him back. He was like a brother to me.
"I hope you can one day forgive me. I know you can't hear me right now. And I hope I have the courage to tell you one day when you can respond. I need…" He stops talking as the door opens.
"Oh, Dimitri, hey man." I want to yell at Dimitri to tackle Mason to the ground and hall his ass to the police station. If only my fucking eyes can open.
"Sorry Mason, I didn't know you were in here. I can come back later." Dimitri says. I try to move a finger, a toe or any body part that will obey me. Nothing. I was wrong before. This is torture. I know who my kidnapper is and I can't tell anyone.
"I'm done. Have a good day." I hear the door close again and then I feel two hands clasp over mine.
"Hey my Roza. You look beautiful today." I mentally roll my eyes. I know how I look. Broken and in a hospital bed with a tube stuck down my throat. I doubt that can be attractive.
"Your father told me that they want to take you off of life support. Is that something you would want? We never talked about stuff like this." I want to shake my head. He needs to know that I would want them to hang onto me for as long as humanly possible. Until the earth dries up.
"Your organs could save a lot of people. Would you want that?" I would love to save a lot of people as long as it didn't involve me dying. We should really have this talk as soon as we wake up.
"The apartment feels so empty without you. I can't believe it has been two months already. I should be the one laying here." Two months? I have been on life support for two months. How is that possible? I was in that dark place for so long.
OPEN YOUR EYES ROSE! I need to tell him not to blame himself. We didn't know that I would be in an accident. No one could have stopped it. I try my hardest to open up my eyes.
"That's it, you can do it." I feel Dimitri's breath on my face. My eyes flutter and then they open. I try to breathe but the tube in my throat makes it hard. Dimitri runs out of the room and comes back with the doctor a few seconds later.
"Hold on Rose. We need to pull the tube out." My eyes tear up as they pull the tube out. I feel like vomiting.
"You are doing great Rose. Welcome back." The doctor holds up a cup for me to take some water. The coldness feels amazing against my dry throat.
"Mr. Belikov, can you give me a minute to asses Rose?" I look over at Dimitri. He looks as pale as a ghost and he has unshed tears pooling in his eyes. He nods his head and then leaves the room.
"You are so lucky Rose. We were sure you wouldn't make it back to us." The doctor does a check up on me and after she feels that I'm good, she leaves the room. A few minutes later my mother and father come through the door.
"I knew you will pull through. Oh, my baby girl." My mother envelopes me in her arms. My body aches all over and I let out a grunt.
"Janine, the girl in in pain. Be careful." My father says and then he places a light kiss on my cheek.
"It's okay." I say, my voice raspy from not talking for two months. My mother sits on the bed with me and my father sits on the chair. They catch me up on all that I missed. Mason and Lissa have been doing a good job at keeping the business from falling so soon after it opened. Lissa said yes to Christian and now we have a wedding to plan. Dimitri has been by my bedside every second unless my someone else is. They made shifts to figure out who will spend the night with me.
"What injuries did I sustain?" I ask.
"Well, you broke your left leg pretty bad. You had some internal bleeding, but they fixed that up. Your right upper arm tore open from the impact. And you bumped your head really hard. You have a hairline fracture on your skull. And a piece of class was lodged into your chest." I rest my head against the pillow and close my eyes. I'm so lucky to be alive right now.
"Lissa and Christian will be here in a bit. They were visiting Tasha when we called." My mother says.
"And where is Dimitri. He was here when I woke up." I ask. My father points to the door.
"He is waiting outside. We can send him in." I thank my father and watch as they leave. I can't wait to see his smiling face.
"Rose. Oh, thank God you are okay. I'm so happy to see you." Adrian comes through the door like a tornado. He looks terrible. His eyes are bloodshot and they have bags under them and his normally styled hair is actually messy on his head. Dimitri comes in a few seconds after Adrian. He looks a bit better than Adrian. His hair is tied at the nape of his neck and he also has bags under his eyes from lack of sleep.
"Hello, I'm happy to see you guys to." I say. Adrian takes the chair right by my bed, leaving Dimitri standing by the foot of my bed.
"I have to tell you guys something before I get distracted by anything. I know who my kidnapper is." Adrian gives me a look.
"Rose, remember last time you said the same thing?" I feel like punching him.
"I know, but I am right now. Mason is my kidnapper. He confessed to it while I was lying here. he thought I couldn't hear him but I did." Adrian sits up a bit straighter and Dimitri comes closer.
"What exactly did he say?" Adrian asks.
"He was saying that I wasn't the one who was supposed to get hurt and that he has always loved me. He hopes that I can forgive him one day. It's him, Adrian." I look to Dimitri for some support.
"Adrian, you have to get him in for questioning. Or something." Dimitri says. Adrian sits back in the chair and runs his hand over his face.
"I'll get him Rose. I promise."
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