Chapter 19: Forgive Me
Derek's Point-of-View
"Dani is sitting in my seat." Ian whined.
"It's just a seat Ian, sit down in the empty chair."
"But Mom always has us sit from oldest to youngest."
"Ian." I sighed heavily "Please, just sit down and eat dinner."
He pouted but sat down in the empty chair, I finished serving the spaghetti, green beans and garlic bread on their plates and then sat down.
"Ok." I hummed "Let's eat, and try to get along…I know it's been a rough day for everyone so let's just enjoy what family time we do have."
I got a few eye rolls and a few nods as they started to eat.
"This tastes weird." Winston stated.
"It tastes like spaghetti." I answered.
"It doesn't taste like Mom's spaghetti."
"It's the same sauce Mom uses." I murmured "It's mom's spaghetti."
"Mom usually puts stuff in it to make it taste better." Delilah added.
"Fine!" I shouted and pounded my fist against the table, the plates and silverware clattered together, and the kids all jumped in their seats "I get it, I don't make it like mom or as good as Mom, no one can make it like Mom. What can I do about that now? Nothing!"
"Don't yell at us!" Delilah hissed.
It was the pinch I needed to wake up, I looked at the worried expressions across my children's faces, Dani's puckered, and she started to whimper and cry.
"Dani." I breathed, she got up and ran for the stairs "Dani I'm sorry!"
"I'm sorry." My voice broke and before I knew it tears were running down my face, I put my head in my hands and looked at my plate that was now collecting my tears, "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry. It's my fault, it's all my fault!"
I let out a few long held in sobs, my shoulders shook, and I tried to sniffle and stop, but I was breaking, I could only hold so much on my shoulders. I needed her, I needed her like I needed oxygen. Without her I was suffocating. I felt a soft hand touch my shoulder and I looked up; through my tears I saw Delilah.
"It's ok Dad." She mumbled sympathetically "We know you're sorry. Mom did too, she loved you and I'm sure she forgives you."
"I know." I whimpered "I don't think I can forgive myself."
"Well when I am mad at myself, I always talk to Mom." She said, "She is the only one who knows what to say, ya know?"
"She isn't here." I sniffled and wiped off my face "She isn't here."
"Maybe she should be."
The words coming out of her mouth and the look in her eyes caused something in my mind to shift, and suddenly my heart pounded and my legs were lifting me up out of my chair.
"Delilah call Uncle Mark, and watch your brothers and sister until he gets here."
"What!" she gasped "Where are you going?"
I stopped at the door to the garage and sighed "To get your mother."
I heard a few hoorah's as I closed the door and got in my car. I was driving as fast as I could without getting pulled over, the rest home closed in an hour and I wanted to get there in time…time always seemed to be wrong and against me, but that was my own doing. I needed to change that, and I needed her for that.
I needed to at least have enough time to show her how sorry I am, I needed a change to at least try and attempt to earn her forgiveness.
I pulled up to the home and jumped out of my car, I ran up the steps and nodded to the familiar receptionist, she pointed me to the parlor and I saw her immediately, sitting at the table in the corner alone as she stared out the window in thought.
I sat down across from her out of breath, she turned and looked at me startled and confused, I held my hand up.
"Before you say anything." I said "Before you tell me to leave and that you belong here. I just have to say this… I know that I made mistakes, I know that I made some pretty catastrophic ones and I don't deserve the time of day from you. But I love you, I love you so damn much…and I miss you, I need you. And we're Meredith and Derek, we're legends…so there's got to be something we can do, there has to be more than just throwing our hands up and giving into this. All I am asking is for some time, time to at least earn back your forgiveness, to beg, to grovel, I'm willing to do literally anything just to be worthy to be in your presence again. That's all I ask…"
She sat there, her eyes seemed to take everything in as her brow was pinched together.
"So, what do you say?" I asked "Will you let me take you home."
She looked around the room and then back at me, her forehead raised in deep confusion as her lips finally started to move.
"Who are you?"
I felt a knot of titanic proportions form in my throat and cut off my oxygen supply, my eyes burned as I felt as if an anvil had suddenly just dropped on top of me as I made the painful realization. She was gone…it was already too late.
Any thoughts on what is going to happen next?