Apologies for not getting an update out for a while, I got a little bit of writer's block and so was unable to write for a few days and then I got a little busy. Anyway, here is chapter seventeen! Hopefully we'll be back on track now and back to regular updates again.
Chapter Seventeen - Therapy
It was time to return to Escala, we had spent three peaceful days at the Woodmark hotel and I definitely was not ready to return to Escala. Christian tried to reassure me that every measure was now in place to stop people entering uninvited, but the pit in my stomach just wouldn't go away.
How could I sleep in a bedroom where I was terrified? How could I step in to the foyer where I thought I would die? How could I walk up the steps that just three days ago I sprinted up whilst a gun was being shot at me. The thought of going to Escala scared me but Christian wouldn't allow me to go back to Kate's apartment where I knew I would feel safe and wanted me with him at all times.
It was the weekend so we were alone at Escala, and Christian intended to spend the weekend working, Christian had only managed one day at GEH this week which meant all his meetings had been pushed back and all mergers, acquisitions and conference calls were on hold until he returned.
We step into the foyer and the whole left in the ceiling had been prepared, the table that centred the room gone was left as an open space, the walls had been painted a dark Gray and the floor had been polished. I look at Christian and he smiles down at me before he guides us into the open space. It had been completely transformed, the walls all now painted in the same dark Gray, the couches were the same but the coffee table had been replaced by a new coffee table, it finished in walnut wood and black furnishings. The open space in the middle of the room was now filled by a glass dining table and black leather chairs with an arrangement of flowers in the centre of the table.
I look at the stairs, and the rails have been replaced with the same type of wood as the coffee table, the hole in the wall beside the rails was gone and covered. Christian gestures to follow him upstairs, all the walls are painted again in the same Gray, and the doors are all walnut and no longer white, he opens our bedroom door and the furniture is different, The green wall gone and replaced by a black wall, the bed was now a gray material, it looked plush.
I look over to the window, for a moment I saw myself curled up in a ball flinching at every bang Elena made. I shake the picture out of my head and focus on the new furniture, a Grey love seat was in the corner with a white fluffy rug at the foot of it at the side of the love seat was a side table that was made of glass. I notice a new addition, a dressing table with all my products organised neatly on top of it. An elegant light up mirror was attached to the table, and a Gray material seat for me to sit on when I would get myself ready.
The changes to the penthouse somehow eased my worry, Christian had gone through the trouble of making changes to erase the tarnished memories of Escala. I much preferred this look of Escala, he had done a good job.
"I told you, you had nothing to worry about" Christian tells me noticing the smile on my face
"It's lovely, I dread to think how much you spent on all of this to have it all done so quickly" I reply
"Nothing is too expensive when it comes to you feeling safe, Anastasia" Christian says as he takes my hand and pulls me out of the bedroom "I did something else too" we begin walking to the door at the end of the hall, the pink bedroom.
Christian opens the door and the room is completely empty and painted white, I look at him and he urges me to walk inside. Christian closes the door behind him, and I look around the room, all the walls were bare, and the carpet was now a dark wooden floor. He had gotten rid of every trace of bad in Escala and I loved him for it.
"You didn't have to do this" I say
"I wanted to, I know the pink room didn't sit well with you, we had talked about changing it anyway, I thought leaving it a completely clean slate for you would be a good start" Christian replies
He was right, I had asked him to change this room so long ago but I had forgotten all about it. "Thank you, this was a lovely surprise" I tell him before wrapping my arms around his neck and planting a kiss on his lips.
We head back downstairs and I head to the kitchen and make myself a cup of tea, I ask Christian if he wants anything but he declines. He was now at the dining table on his laptop working. I wasn't sure how I was going to pass the time, maybe I could check on my own emails and stuff. I grab my laptop from my bag and sit at the dining table with Christian who was a million miles away. I begin checking my emails, and getting through the workload that awaited me, I had neglected my duties the last couple of days and so it had built up and definitely needed tending to.
A few hours go by and I have finally caught up on my work load, Christian was still focussed on his work, he had barely said a word since settling down at the dining table. I didn't mind that though, as he was here, he wasn't hiding away in his office where he could have easily been, he instead chose to sit with me.
I find myself googling wedding dresses and scrolling through different designers and styles hoping something would catch my eye, but nothing does, maybe I would have to go and physically try on dresses with Kate, I'm sure she would love that. I fall down the wedding rabbit hole, googling everything wedding related, Flowers, favours, music, how to plan a wedding. Truthfully I had no idea how to plan one, I had only been to weddings as a child and never attended one as an adult.
Should I hire a wedding planner? I didn't know, maybe I should discuss this with Christian, maybe he would have an idea. I sigh, feeling a little deflated, I just didn't know where to start, we hadn't even set a date yet, at least we had a venue.
I decide to take my mind off of our upcoming wedding and head to the kitchen, I decided I was going to cook for us tonight. Gail always cooks for us or we eat out, or get a takeaway. We very rarely cook for ourselves and so I wanted to take advantage of this opportunity. I start by looking through the fridge, and the pantry trying to gather some inspiration from what we had in.
I finally decide on our meal, steak, fries, and steamed vegetables. Christian loved steak, and so did I. I begin preparing the vegetables and placing them in the steamer ready to be cooked in a little while. I pour myself and Christian a glass of wine, waltzing over to the dining table and placing it beside his laptop. He looks up at me and smiles.
"Is it Dinner time already?" He asks, he was clearly wrapped up in his work.
"Yes, I'm cooking, if you could start wrapping up your work now I'd be very grateful" I reply planting a kiss on his cheek
"Anything for you" Christian says as I walk back towards the kitchen.
I begin preparing the fries, chopping potatoes into fries and placing them in the small fryer. I then place both steaks onto the iron cast pan and turn on the steamer. I sip on my wine as I sear both steaks for a few minutes each side and then place them under the grill with garlic butter.
Christian appears in the kitchen, grabbing out plates, and cutlery from their respectful homes and begins setting the breakfast bar as I plate up our dinner. Christian grins at me as I place his plate in front of him, I then sit beside him and take another sip of my wine before tucking in.
"Well this is different, I'm used to Gail serving me my dinner" Christian comments
"I thought it would be a nice change from just going out or ordering a take out" I reply
"I agree, I think I could get used to you spending more time in the kitchen" Christian says as he cuts into his steak. "Perfect, just how I like it" Christian smiles at me as he chews on his steak.
Once we've finished dinner we clear up and put everything away, Christian is straight back at his laptop, much to my disappointment and so I opt for a bath and an early night in bed. I make my way up the stairs, leaving Christian alone downstairs and head for the en suite. I turn on the hot tap and pour in some citrus scented bubbles and place my products on the side. Once the bath is ready I strip off my clothes in the closet and grab my fluffy robe and a towel.
I spend some time in the bath, soaking my body and trying to stay relaxed. Truthfully, being alone in this room haunted me a little but I needed to get over it, Elena was gone, she couldn't get to me any more, I had no reason to be scared, or intimidated by her. The police reassured us both that she would be going away for her crimes, for a very long time, the evidence was stacked against her and strong, even if she decided to plead not guilty they were confident that she would never step foot on the streets again.
I find myself a million miles away, the faint sound of Christian playing the piano was enough to bring me back to reality. I climb out of the bath, dry myself off and wrap myself in my robe, I dry my hair with my towel before taking off downstairs. Christian was sitting at his piano, effortlessly playing a tune, it was a very sad tune, he clearly had a lot on his mind. I quietly walk down the stairs, and to Christian who continued playing. I sit beside him on the seat, and watch as he plays.
Eventually Christian carries me up the stairs, both of us tired and we fall onto the bed, and slide under the sheets. I snuggle into Christian and close my eyes, he soon falls to sleep but I just can't. My slumber doesn't come, I find myself wide awake, unable to let it overcome me. I was still scared, those memories at the forefront of my mind. I decide to leave Christian in bed and head downstairs, making myself a cup of tea hoping it would sooth me. I sit at the breakfast bar, staring out at the sky line.
The only way I would sleep is if I wasn't here, but Christian just wouldn't allow it. Two cups of tea's later, and a slice of toast I give in and grab my laptop, settling on the couch I begin to google Elena's name, obsessively searching for any updates, but there wasn't any, I scroll through each page, and search many variations in the hope of finding something new, but I couldn't. The internet just didn't care for her any more and I shouldn't either.
I sigh, giving up on my long search and try to take my mind off of Elena and my fears with more wedding research. I grab my note pad and pen from my work bag and begin making lists of things we needed to arrange, or buy, and I feel productive. By the time the clock stuck 4AM I had managed to wrap my head around wedding planning and had made a very detailed list of tasks we needed to complete. At the top of my list was setting a date. Christian and I needed to set a date.
"Anastasia?" I open my eyes and find Christian standing over me, my note book in his hand. "What are you doing?"
"I couldn't sleep, I don't feel safe in there" I tell Christian as I wipe my tired eyes and sit up.
"She won't get you, no one will get you" Christian replies, he kneels down, his face just inches from mine, and runs his hand over the back of my head.
"But what if she does, Christian? I thought I could get past this, but I don't think I can" I point over to the stairs "She shot a gun at me there" I then point to the foyer "I thought I was going to die there"
"Baby, what would you like me to do?" Christian asks, looking into my eyes
"I don't know Christian, I just know I can't be here any more" I say, a tear falling down my face, Christian wipes it away and gives me a sad look.
"Would you like to see John? Would that help?" Christian suggests
"I think so, but where are we going to go?" I look at him
"Will you sleep in the guest bedroom? Do you think you can manage that?" Christian asks, I think about it for a short second
"We can try..." I reply, I look at the time, it was 6:30, I had fallen asleep for only a couple of hours.
Christian picks me up, and we head up the stairs once again. He opens the first door and he carries me into the guest bedroom. No changes were made to this room, but this room also wasn't tainted by Elena and her craziness. I sit on the bed and watch as Christian pulls back the sheets and then walks back around to me, he picks me up once more and places me under the covers and then slides in next to me.
Christian holds me tight, my back to his chest, he runs his hand down my side and I finally manage to sleep. My sleep is mostly peaceful, I was able to relax, and get the rest I needed. But the face of Elena wakes me up, the gun she held in her hand terrified me. That was it. I couldn't do this any more.
I jump out of the bed, floods of tears falling down my face, Christian wakes up confused, he immediately slides out of bed and pulls me into an embrace. It didn't matter that she was gone, that she couldn't harm me, none of it mattered. I wasn't over this, my mind refused to let me be over this.
"I need to leave, Christian. Being here is draining me" I tell him
"Let me get you some clothes, we can go to my boat, and we will figure something out" Christian replies.
Christian leaves the room, I begin pacing back and forth unable to ease my mind as it went through all the emotions. The tears continued to fall down my face, I was a mess, a mess I didn't want to be, but my subconscious just wouldn't allow it. Christian finally returns and he is dressed and has a pile of clothes under his arm and a pair of converse in his other hand. He places them on the bed and I immediately get dressed. I throw my hair up into a pony tail and we leave.
I feel an immediate relief as soon as we enter the parking lot, Christian unlocks the R8 and we slide inside. Christian begins to drive, heading for the port where his boat was kept. On the journey he explained that he had just had it sailed to the port as he wanted to take me out on it, I guess today was his chance.
We arrive at the port, and Christian leads me to his boat, it was gorgeous. All white with a single Gray stripe down the side. It was called The Grace. The weather was cool and the water was perfect to sail, before we set off Christian takes me downstairs and shows me around the boat, inside was all panelled in dark wood, a bed at the back of the boat and seats at the front along with a small kitchen area and an enclosed bathroom area. Christian hands me a wind breaker and I put it on, watching as he does the same.
We make our way back to the top and Christian shows me how to prepare the boat, we begin doing so before setting off. We sail along the sound, it was gorgeous, I felt so free here, nothing mattered any more. My worries of Elena were gone, the fresh sea air worked magic for my subconscious.
"Look at that over there" Christian points over to the land far away, on the land sat a beautiful but dated house surrounded by overgrown greenery
"Wouldn't that be perfect to settle down?" I ask looking at him
"Yes, I think so" Christian replies, we stop for a moment and look over at the house.
The house was huge, even from the distance we were at it was noticeable, the house that stood had been built in light sandstone and dark wood accents were all over the house. I imagined myself laying on the grass that would be mowed and taken care of with Christian by my side. The view of the sound would be unreal. A deep seed inside of me wanted that house.
"I wonder if anyone lives there" I say staring over to the house that sat alone.
"We can find out" Christian suggests, I look at him
We continue sailing, along the sound, enjoying the sea air. Eventually Christian sails back to the port and we secure the boat, we head inside and Christian begins making phone calls. I sit on the seating and watch as Christian begins making arrangements. I couldn't help but feel bad for not being able to be at Escala, I just couldn't feel safe there any more. I tried, I failed.
"Anastasia, Gail is preparing the guest apartment in the city. It's for guests, business clients and such, it's not in the Escala building, I want you to be safe and feel secure once again. I'm sorry Escala has been ruined for you" Christian says
"No, I'm sorry Christian, Escala is your home, I wish I could feel safe there but right now I just can't. Maybe after a while it will be okay again but for now, I want to be as far away from there as possible" I reply
"Your safety is most important, John has agreed to see you tomorrow morning, I want you to take all the time you need, he has cleared his morning for you" Christian looks at me as he sits beside me
"I need that, I didn't ever think I would see a therapist" I admit
"Yes, well life is all unexpected, Anastasia"
After a few hours Gail calls and gives us the all okay to head to the apartment. We leave the boat behind after making sure it's secure and we head back into the city. The apartment is in a smaller building just 4 blocks from Escala, it wasn't as grand as Escala but it was perfect, the decor was simple, yet gorgeous, no expense spared when it came to furnishing and decorating the apartment.
The apartment had two bedrooms, a living room, a kitchen, and 2 bathrooms, It was relatively smaller than Escala, and didn't have the luxury of a gym, and a pool but it was still lavish in every other aspect. Gail had cleaned the apartment from top to bottom, changed the sheets, and brought over some of our belongings to last us a few days. Gail had left us a lunch of roast beef, roasted potatoes and vegetables in the kitchen which we enjoyed thoroughly.
After a while we moved to the living room that had plush carpets and black leather couches. A TV took centre place on the wall, it was no Escala in terms of the view but a TV was a welcomed change. We flip on the news channel and watch the updates of the goings on in and around Seattle. Something new had taken the attention away from the death of Leila and her killer Elena Lincoln, Seattle was such a fast paced city that there was something new every day.
It was now Monday, I had finally slept a full night, Elena couldn't haunt me here. Christian had decided to stay home once again, choosing to work from the apartment and await my return from my session with John who I was due to see in a short while.
I get myself ready and head to the kitchen where Gail is making us breakfast, of course Christian would have her here. Taylor was standing near her as she poured myself a cup of tea. Christian appears, taking a seat beside me at the small table in the corner of the room. Gail places our breakfast in front of us, poached eggs on toast. We quickly eat our breakfast before Taylor informs me it's time to leave, I say my goodbye to Christian kissing him on the lips. He watches as I leave with Taylor.
"Ma'am" Taylor says as he opens the door of the SUV.
I slide inside and fasten my seat belt "How are you, Taylor?" I ask trying to fill the silence.
"I'm good, Ma'am, thank you. How are you?" He asks
"I suppose I am okay, not sure what to expect with this session" I admit
"First time?" He questions
"Yes, it is" I say
"You will be okay, Ma'am. You're a strong individual" Taylor replies, I smile
"Thank you, Taylor" I say
Taylor nods and focuses on the road, we weren't far away now. I didn't feel nervous, more scared, I had never talked about my feelings or problems to a professional before, but I hoped it would help to smooth out those issues that stuck around. Finally we arrived outside John Flynn's office, I exit the SUV and walk inside. I am met by John who is stood outside of his office door waiting for me. He gives me a small smile before exchanging pleasantries and heading into the room. The room was small, two couches centred the room with book cases standing around the edge of the room, there were no personal pictures in the room, only his diploma's.
I take a seat on the couch and watch as John takes his own seat. "Well, Anastasia, first, let me just applaud you for taking this step to talk" John says
"Thank you, I've never done this before" I admit
"That's okay, why don't we start with what's on your mind?" He suggests
"I'm scared, scared that Elena will some how come back and try to kill me. I'm scared to be at Escala, I'm just scared" I say
"What did Elena do to make you so scared?" He asks
"Well, about a month or so ago she attacked me at Christian's Mom's house. I fell down the stairs and had some injuries. Almost a week ago she then killed Leila Williams because she refused to help kill me and showed up at Escala and held me at gun point" I explain
"That can't have been easy going through that" John comments "I understand she is in jail now"
"Yes, she is, but the memories of what happened in Escala continue to haunt me. I just can't forget about it" I say, John has opened a fresh notebook and is writing down my words.
"Ana you have every right to be scared, but Elena is in jail and will be for a long time, she cannot hurt you. It will take time to heal but don't let her actions stop you from living your life and being places you once enjoyed being at, it is not healthy to let it consume you" John replies, he was right, I couldn't let her consume my life.
"What do you propose I do?" I ask
"I am going to set you homework, I want you to return Escala, whether it be tonight, tomorrow, the day after, I'd like you to just spend some time there, alone, remind yourself that it is a safe space" John suggests, I nod
"Ok... I can try that"I reply
"Is there anything else that may be on your mind?" John asks
"Does it get easier?" I ask
"It will when you allow it to, I am always here for a session, for whatever you may need to talk about, it doesn't just take one session and then you're automatically cured of your problems" John replies
"Of course, it's just so fresh, I have never been physically scared of something, of course I had fears as a child but I have never encountered anything such as this before" I admit
"I understand, we all have our fears, Anastasia. Let's book you in for next week and we'll catch up and see where you're at" John says before closing his note book and opening another. "Tuesday evening okay for you?" He asks
"That will be fine" I reply
"Well then I will see you next Tuesday at 6, try to keep my words in your thoughts, and spend some time at Escala" John says before he walks me out of his office.
Once we say our goodbye's, I return to the SUV where Taylor had been waiting. I had only been there for just over an hour. Somehow I felt a little better, having a different perspective from an outsider gave me a fresh out look on the whole situation. It was time to stop obsessing over Elena and take my life back. The journey back to the apartment was short, when I enter Christian is in the living room with his laptop a million miles away. I head over to him and kiss the top of his head, bringing him back to reality.
"How was it?" Christian asks
"I feel a little better, I have homework" I tell him
"What is it?" he questions
"I need to begin spending time at Escala, just a short while and get myself used to it, and remember that it is safe" I reply
"Ok... are you ready to do that?" Christian asks looking up at me
"I don't know, maybe we can go over tomorrow? Just spend lunch time there or something" I suggest
"As long as you're comfortable" Christian replies
"Of course, I just don't want to be so scared any more, I realise she is in jail, but it's like my mind isn't allowing me to remember that" I say
"It's okay, Baby, we will get through this" Christian reassures me
I sit beside Christian as he gets back to work, I watch as he quickly types away on his keyboard, he was muttering to himself and cussing, something was angering him. After a while of watching Christian work I decide to get to work myself for an hour or two, there were so many emails to get through I was sure this would take me right past lunch. I resist every urge to google Elena's name and instead focus on work. Once lunchtime rolls around I am only half way through my emails. I decide to abandon my laptop on the couch and head to the kitchen, Gail is there preparing lunch.
I pour myself a cup of tea and then take a seat at the table, Gail is minding her own business as she butters bread and prepares sandwiches. She eventually looks at me with a smile.
"Shall I go get Mr Grey?" Gail asks
"Yes please, Gail" I reply
She hurries off into the lounge, and soon returns with Christian following behind her, he takes a seat beside me and Gail then places our sandwiches in front of us. We have left over beef, mustard and salad leaves in our sandwich, she has placed a handful of potato chips on the side. Christian quickly eats his lunch before grabbing himself some water whilst I take my time before I have to get back to work. Once I am done I place both mine and Christian's plates in the sink and pour myself another cup of tea before heading back to the lounge.
I sit on the other couch away from Christian, he now has earphones in, and is talking away at his laptop. I decide to put my own earphones in and play music, which helps me focus. I begin getting through the remaining emails and then turn to Christian's schedule which was all messed up, he had so many meetings pushed back that all needed tending to, I would need to reschedule them all. I do so, finally fixing his schedule. He sure had a busy day tomorrow.
I feel much better once my work is done, I finally close my laptop and place it beside me. I felt so good that the idea of visiting Escala crossed my mind, maybe I could just go there for an hour and swim. Without a word I head for Taylor who was standing in the hall of the apartment, he smiles at me.
"Hey, Taylor would it be okay to take me to Escala?" I ask
"Sure, Ma'am will Mr Grey be joining us?" He replies
"I'm not sure, I'll go and ask" I say, turning and heading back to the lounge.
Christian has finished his call and is back to typing away, he looks up at me. "I'm going to go and swim at Escala, just for an hour or so, would you like to come?" I ask
"Sure, just give me a few moments" Christian says, I turn back out of the lounge and head for Taylor once more.
"Christian will be joining us, he won't be long" I say, Taylor nods and we stand and wait.
I step into the foyer of Escala, looking around the room, I take in my surroundings and try to keep my fears at bay. I assure Christian that I will be fine doing this, and tell him to go do his own thing. Once Christian disappears I begin with the open space, closing my eyes and reliving those memories, I try to think of the good times Christian and I have had at Escala. His proposal, right here in this room was sadly overshadowed by Elena. After a little while I head upstairs, and enter our bedroom. A room that was full of good memories and overshadowed by the bad. I eventually find my swimming costume and change into it, grabbing a towel.
I make my way down stairs, and then to the door that led down to the pool room. I sit on the side of the pool and dip my feet in feeling the warm temperature. It felt good. I slide in, and begin swimming a few laps. I had to admit to myself that I enjoyed the pool in Escala, I didn't use it enough. Maybe this would help taking my mind off of the bad memories that I harboured within me.
After two hours of swimming and relaxing in the pool I decided it was time to get out. I head back upstairs to the open space, Christian is no where to be seen. I head back upstairs and sit on the bed for a little bit, looking out of the window. I shake the thought of myself in the corner out of my head and stand up heading for the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step inside, quickly washing my hair and body of the chlorine. I felt so fresh, and happy.
Once I am dried and dressed I head downstairs and straight to Christian's office, he was sat at his computer scrolling with his mouse. I take a seat at the other side of the desk and smile at him.
"What you doing?" I ask
"Just looking at honeymoon ideas" Christian says, I grin
"Oh, will you be taking charge of that?" I question
"I thought it would be the least I can do, besides from taking care of the suits" Christian replies
"That's fine, I think we should set a date" I suggest
"Me too, how about July next year?" Christian says
"I'm not sure, what about March?" I reply
"Okay, let's do March" Christian grins.
We finally settle on a March wedding, the 15th to be exact. With our venue being at Grace's house, we didn't have to wait very long. I would get married tomorrow if everything was ready but Christian and I both agreed that we wanted to enjoy being engaged for a while longer. Christian tells me he wants our honeymoon to be a surprise, which I reluctantly agreed to, I wanted Christian to have something regarding the wedding for himself, and the honeymoon was perfect for him.
After much debate, we leave Escala, after my talk with John this morning I felt more at ease. The bad memories that plagued Escala were always going to be there but Christian vowed to make better memories there which would overshadow them. I planned to return tomorrow and spend a little more time there, Christian and I were going to have lunch at Escala and then I planned to return to the pool in the afternoon whilst Christian had meetings to attend.
We arrive back at the apartment and I am feeling tired, there was still some time before dinner so I decide to head to the bedroom for a quick nap. Swimming always made me sleepy, maybe it was the exercise.
"Ana, dinner is ready" Christian tells me, he gently shakes my body.
"I'm up" I say, not moving a single inch.
"No you're not, come on" Christian shakes me again, this time a little harder.
"I'm up!" I say again, this time opening my eyes and sitting up.
I finally get out of bed and head to the kitchen where Gail has cooked up a storm. She has prepared a chicken, chorizo and butter bean stew with home made crusty bread and a side of spicy rice. I had never tried this before, and I was certainly excited. Gail tells me she has bought a new recipe book and so she is trying out new recipe's which makes me so excited.
It was much later now, Christian and I have been in bed for a while talking about my session with John in more detail. Christian was so proud of me for making so much progress in just a day. I was proud too, my session with John really did work wonders, he seemed to put me at ease and make everything okay. We also talked more about the wedding, now that we had set a date everything seemed more real, Christian planned to tell Grace the date so that she could begin her preparations with the house. I was excited to tell Kate, I wanted her to come wedding dress shopping with me, and I also had to tell Mia too. Everything just seemed to be falling into place.
Finally, we fall asleep, I feel so at peace, and relaxed, I was actually looking forward to work, and getting back into a normal routine again. For once, things felt normal, we had no worries, no reason to hide.
I just hoped things would stay that way.