Closer

"Who'd you give the bracelet you made to?" AJ asked as Punk sat down beside her on the couch later on that night after things had calmed down.

"I gave it to Chloe." Punk nodded as AJ looked over at Chloe, smiling a little, "I know, right? I'm trying so hard to make you all better." He said sarcastically as AJ turned to him with a small smile.

"Make sure to it invite me to your wedding." AJ teased.

"Everyone thought I was making it for you." Punk said.

"Oh, really?" AJ asked as Punk nodded, "And why would they think that?"

"I don't know. You tell me?" He asked as she shook her head.

"Whatever you think, it's not true." AJ said.

"What am I thinking?" He teased.

"That we have slumber parties every night when you leave and I sit and talk about how dreamy your eyes." She said, "Couldn't be farther from the truth."

"I do have dreamy eyes." Punk thought to himself as she looked over at him, shaking her head, "You haven't told anyone about us… going out the other night?"

"No. You kidding? If I tell any of these idiots, they'll snitch me right up." AJ shook her head, "And they'll snitch you up." She said.

"That wouldn't be ideal." Punk shook his head.

"No it wouldn't." AJ hummed, reading her book as Punk watched her.

"How did your appointment with Lynch go today?" He asked her.

"It was fine. Just the same boring stuff he always talk about." AJ shrugged.

"Like what?" Punk asked curiously.

"How did I feel when I woke up this morning? When did I last have suicidal thoughts? Did I sleep well? Am I eating? It's all nonsense. Instead of trying to understand us and dig deeper, he just sees what he sees in front of him. That's the diagnosis until further notice." She shook her head, flicking the page of her book.

"Does everyone feel that way?" Punk asked.

"Do you see anyone getting better?" AJ turned to him, "About a year ago, some sort of local council authorities were snooping around here. Steve got real nervous. He'd just released one of the girls from here and she… she wound up killing herself a week later in her parent's house." She said, "They wanted to sue Steve but he managed to worm his way out of it." She shook her head, "People don't get better here, Phil. Not unless they have it within them to fix themselves. Which… we clearly all lack." She said.

"You think if there was better doctors that it would make a difference?" Punk asked her.

"Huge difference." AJ nodded, "Half of us aren't even on the right medication." She shook her head, "And Steve isn't going anywhere anytime soon." She said, "I know what medication I should be on and he's not got me on it." She shook her head as Punk looked at her.

He figured she knew what medication she needed because her mother probably took it, and it clearly worked and helped her.

"How do you know what medication you need to be on?" Punk asked, wondering if she'd possibly say something.

"I just know." AJ assured him, "He's put Tracy on anti-depressants before. She's schizophrenic." She shook her head, "That's the worst possible thing you could do."

"He doesn't sound very good." Punk said as AJ nodded, "Doesn't it make you mad?" He asked.

"Of course it does. But… what use is it?" AJ shrugged, "Trust me, I'm past the stage of getting mad and trying to boycott this place. You just get a needle in the arm and straps." She said.

"What's the straps?" Punk asked.

"There's a room, right down the very end of that row of bedrooms." She pointed ahead, "They keep you in there if you have a breakdown. Strap your hands and feet to the bed." AJ nodded as Punk looked across at her.

"You're kidding, right?" Punk asked as AJ shook her head.

"I haven't been in a while but my first year here I pretty much just lived in there." AJ nodded, "And trust me, I get it. Some girls, yeah they snap and they need to be restrained but… it's the most inhumane I've ever felt in my life. Like you're literally caged up." She shook her head as Punk looked across at her.

It hurt his heart. Some of the girls in the hospital were only young, seventeen and eighteen. He wanted better for them. He didn't know them all that well, but they deserved help and the proper care which they very clearly weren't getting.

"I'm sorry." Punk nodded to her, "Lily and the nurses are all great, though, right?" He made sure.

"Oh, yeah. Lil is amazing." AJ assured him, "Sometimes she's a better help than the actual psychiatrists and head doctors we see." She said, "She'll just listen. Challenge us to think differently. She's… she's like our mom." She nodded to him.

"It's good she's here." Punk nodded.

"Was your mom ever committed? Before she died?" AJ asked curiously. She did feel them getting closer, and instinct told her to push him away, but how could she when he was so real and honest. She'd never met anyone like him.

"No, she wasn't. Believe me, I tried to get her committed." Punk nodded, "But… they said she'd have to attempt suicide before they'd consider, because of how overcrowded mental hospitals are." He said.

"That's terrible." AJ shook her head.

"Yeah so… she attempted suicide." Punk nodded, "And uh… succeeded so… I guess there wasn't much for me to do after that." He said as AJ nodded.

"Were you close?" AJ asked her.

"Not really." Punk said, "I did my best to stay elsewhere when I was a kid. I grew up in the same street as my best friend, Dean. He's actually my partner at work now." He said, "I'd stay with him all the time."

"No dad?" AJ asked.

"Don't know him." Punk shook his head.

"Me neither." AJ nodded, "Maybe that's why I don't trust men." She shrugged.

"What about your mom?" Punk asked casually. It was an opportunity and he wasn't going to let it go.

"Uh… I… I don't see her anymore." AJ shook her head briefly as Punk nodded slowly.

"You guys have a fight or something?" Punk asked her as she shook her head and sat up a little.

"I don't really wanna talk about it." She said, starting to get uncomfortable.

"Ok." Punk nodded.

"Look, maybe I was a little harsh on you. Saying you don't know shit and that… you pity us. I don't think you do." She realised.

"I don't." Punk confirmed.

"I guess we're just not used to having encouragement and someone positive talk to us and teach us new things. The important stuff. Card games and such." She smiled.

"And I know that doesn't make anyone's situation better. I just wish you guys got better care." He nodded.

"Yeah, me too." AJ said, "But… it is what it is." She shrugged.

"When you get out of here… do you have somewhere or someone you can go to?" He wondered.

"No, I… I don't have any family." She said, "The last times I've been released I've spent time a youth hostel, going around asking for work, not succeeding in getting a job. Then the youth hostel kicks me out so suddenly I'm on the street. I have no meds at all so… it's getting harder." She nodded, "And yeah, I know that might sound like excuses but-"

"No it doesn't." Punk assured her.

"I bet you've heard the rumour that I was quote on quote, performing sexual acts on guys for money. Right?" She looked at him as Punk nodded.

"Yeah, someone… someone told me." He nodded.

"It was one guy." AJ assured him, "Not plural." She said, "You have any idea how humiliating that is?" She asked him as he looked across at her, "You know how much money he gave me? Two dollars." She nodded, "Wasn't even enough for me to get the bus." She said as Punk sighed.

"You deserve better." He nodded, "I mean that." He said as she shrugged.

"I think everyone ends up where they're supposed to be and maybe this place is it for me." She nodded.

"No, you're gonna get out of here. I know you are." He nodded, "And you're gonna go on that boat." He reminded her as she smiled a little, "And you're gonna be a writer." He added as she smiled.

"You legit believe that, don't you?" She realised. She'd never knew this feeling. Having someone legit believe in her. Not since her mother.

"I do." Punk nodded as she smiled.

"Thank you." She said. She figured for a moment she didn't need to be a smartass. He almost felt like one of them. He maybe didn't understand their illnesses, but he understood decency and what was right. It made him way more attractive than he already was. And she thought he was super attractive anyway.

"Phil! You in?" Dean walked into his friend's house.

"Yeah, kitchen." Punk called as Dean walked through, "What's up?" Punk greeted his friend.

"Hey, how was work?" Dean asked him.

"It was fine. I had a good chat with April-"

"Did she spill anything?" Dean asked immediately.

"Let me talk." Punk put his hand up, "So she doesn't know her dad. And when I asked her about her mom she just said she doesn't speak to her anymore. And then she said she'd rather not talk about it." He shrugged as Dean sighed to himself.

"Where else are we supposed to look?" Dean questioned, sitting down at the table.

"Maybe if… maybe if I can keep getting closer to April, she'll just automatically start opening up." Punk thought to himself.

"Do you want to get closer to her?" Dean questioned as Punk shrugged casually. It was always hard for him to admit he had proper feelings. He'd never had feelings like this for a girl before. The longest relationship he was in was six months, and even at that, he never felt the way he felt right now about AJ.

"Not just to find out about her mom. I… I think I maybe do like her." Punk admitted as Dean nodded.

"I kinda figured." Dean assured him, "Well yeah, that'd be a bonus if she opened up to you. But I guess then you're in a tricky position of… betraying her trust. If she tells you she might want it to be between you and her." He said, "It'll look sort of bad if you show up the next day and say hey, April we've actually been looking into your mom's case all this time." Dean said, "She'll think you've been straight up using her from the word go." He said.

"Yeah… Yeah, I know that." Punk sighed to himself. He knew he was putting himself in an awkward position, especially because he really cared about AJ, "What if we go visit the pizza place and kindergarten she worked at? I mean… maybe the staff there might remember something. It could have been someone from her past coming to get revenge on her for something. Who knows?" Punk shrugged.

"We could try, yeah." Dean nodded, "How are the rooms structured in the hospital? Does April have her own room?"

"Yeah, they all have their own bedrooms." Punk said, "Why?"

"Well maybe there's something in her room-"

"Dude, I'm not snooping around in her room." Punk scoffed.

"Not snooping just a… a casual look around." Dean shrugged as Punk sighed to himself.

"Trust me, it'll just be filled with books." Punk said.

"Just try it." Dean encouraged, "She could have her hands on something useful. To do with her mom." He nodded as Punk sighed to himself, running his hands through his hair.

The closer he got to AJ, the harder it was to do this behind her back.