AN: Hello, my dear friends! Than you all for some wonderful reviews for my double posting last Friday. Some of you were a little surprised with how strongly Bella (and Leah) reacted to Emily. Leah is very clear, she knows that Emily and Sam couldn't help themselves in regards to the imprint, however, losing her first love is still extremely painful for her and she doesn't want to talk to Emily; especially not during a funeral. Bella loves her cousin and she will do anything in her power to protect her.
Enjoy, my dears!
Bad-Ass-Bella to the rescue!
My Wolf
Emily's dark eyes widen as I tighten my hold on her neck. I can see that she's struggling with the sudden loss of air and she's trying to fight me, but her efforts do nothing to alter the firm grip I have on her. I don't even care when her face begins to turn red and she tries to get my attention. She hurt my cousin and she needs to pay. My lips twitch as my wolf's snarl rises within me, seeking to be let out. At this moment my wolf and I have somehow merged together, much in the same way as just before renewing our blood bond, but this time Edward is nowhere in sight. Leaning closer and I push her even harder against the wall and she immediately stills her movements. A rush of power runs through me and I like it. It's as though I'm compelled to teach this pack member a lesson and I'm enjoying it.
"Do you understand me?"
I don't even recognize my own voice. It's much deeper than usual and dangerous. I'm convinced that if someone made a recording and played it off for me, I'd probably laugh and say that they had lost their minds. Right now, however, I'm deadly serious. Emily is trying to nod and respond, but she isn't able to move much because of my iron grip. Her fingers are clawing against my skin as she tries to fight me, but it's as though I can't even feel it. In the edge of my mind I can recognize that she is drifting closer and closer to unconsciousness, and a sliver of concern breaks through. The lack of air is doing its job.
Suddenly, there is a shuffle of movement behind me and a loud growl rumbles through the air. I snap my head around to see whomever it is that is stupid enough to try and come between me and my prey. The red rage coloring my vision causes me to take awhile before I'm actually able to recognize the emerald eyes of my human mate. Edward?
All of the sudden, it's as if someone has dowsed me with a bucket of icy cold water and the reality of what I'm doing hits me like a ton of bricks. I quickly release my hold on Emily and step back as though I've been scorched. She immediately breaks out into a coughing fit and falls onto her hands and knees as she gasps for breath. An unfamiliar male rushes to her side and begins to comfort her. Edward is carefully approaching me with his arms open in front of his body as if to show me that he's unarmed and to dissuade an attack; from me.
The severity of what I've just done begins to dawn on me and suddenly my entire body is racked by a wave of powerful trembles and my breathing reaches an almost hysterical pitch. Before I know what is going on, Edward rushes towards me and quickly wraps me into his arms, holding me tightly against him as he whispers soothing words into my ears. I close my eyes and simply hold on as my body is overcome by something that feels like a seizure, but I soon recognize it as a full blown panic attack.
I have no idea how much time passes before I'm finally able to breathe normally, but for some reason I don't think it's as long as my previous attacks from when I was younger. Edward must feel the change in me, because he immediately leans back so that he can study my face while still keeping a firm hold around my body. Whatever he sees must please him, because in a matter of seconds his lips fall on mine in an almost frantic pace and every inch of my body melts against his as his mouth takes complete control of me. My body lights up under his touch and a tidal wave of heat flows through every fiber of my being. When he finally lets up on his assault, my heart is racing in my chest and I'm trembling beneath his touch in a very different way than earlier.
"You are absolutely incredible," he whispers in complete awe, but when my brows furrow in confusion, he tilts my head so that I can meet his gaze.
Electric green flashes before me and he swirls his hips sensually against me, revealing just how turned on he is. My body immediately reacts and I'm temporarily distracted by the surge of desire that completely overshadows everything else. Edward's nostrils flare as though he can smell what he's doing to me, and a deep groan rumbles through him as I, without even a single thought, begin to thrust my lower body against his.
"NO!" he commands and I can't hold back the moan that falls from my lips at his dominant tone. My wolf loves this side of him.
Edward's hands reach down and he holds my hips tightly with an almost iron grip as he moves his lower body away from mine. I swear I could cry from the loss of physical contact, but before I can object, he quickly explains himself.
"We need to phase and join the rest of the Pack for the Wolf Ceremony. If we weren't already late I'd happily allow this to continue. I can't even begin to tell you how hot you looked holding Emily up against the wall like that," he rushes out and my heart skips a beat when I see how his eyes darken with lust.
Instead of dousing the sizzling desire inside of me with even more fuel, Edward's words have a rather opposite effect on me and I immediately feel more like myself. The shock of what I just did to Emily is now at the forefront of my mind.
"Jesus, is she going to be okay?" I ask and I instantly see the change in Edward as well.
His electric green eyes are quickly replaced by that familiar emerald color and I can breathe out a sigh of relief when I see that we are now on the same page.
"Yeah, she's fine. Wolf-shifter, remember?" Edward responds shortly trying to reassure me, but it doesn't really hit home. I attacked someone and I probably wouldn't have stopped if Edward hadn't stepped in.
Edward shoots a quick look at his watch and swears.
"We're late," he declares before gently leading me into an empty stall in one of the changing rooms.
I don't even know if we are in the male or female section, all I know is that this room is much larger than the one I used when I first came here because it easily fits us both and I can feel Edward's urgency. We need to hurry. Edward is pulling off his clothes and I soon begin to do the same. I'm still a little shaken up over everything that happened and my fingers feel numb as I try to unzip my dress. Luckily, Edward is quickly there to help me and swiftly pulls down the zipper. It doesn't take me long to remove the rest of my clothing. There's a strange whoosh and a soft crackle in the air and when I turn, I'm met by Edward's midnight wolf staring back at me. He releases an urgent bark enticing an affectionate smile to spread across my lips.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming," I tell him as I allow the tell tale tingles to spread all across my body as I too phase into my wolf.
When my paws hit the wooden floor, I shake my head for a second and stretch my wolf's strong muscles. I haven't phased since that night Edward and my wolf ended up finding one another and that feels like an entire lifetime ago. She feels different for some reason, but I can't put my finger on it. Internally, I glance over at my wolf and I can't shake the feeling that there is something she knows that I don't. When I turn our head to face Edward, my wolf immediately wags our tail in happiness. I'm still in control of our body, but I can feel how desperately my wolf wants to take over the reins. I'm not ready to do that just yet though.
I'm kind of distracted by my thoughts as my wolf slowly begins to trot over towards the door. Edward was so eager for us to go and meet the others, so I figure that we need to get going as quickly as possible. When he suddenly cuts me off, I'm completely taken off guard. He's pushing his snout and the top of his head against me almost as though he's trying to turn me around. What the hell? My wolf yelps out in confusion when Edward's wolf suddenly appears to enhance his efforts. He clearly isn't letting up, so I decide to do what he wants and turn my wolf around. As soon as I do, understanding dawns on me about at the same time as I'm completely overcome by acute shock.
There's a mirror in this changing room and Edward has been trying to get me to turn around and look at my wolf form in the reflection. Staring back at me are the bright blue eyes of a very powerful wolf. A wolf that is about the same massive size as my mate and who radiates agility and strength unlike anything I've ever seen. It takes me a moment, but soon I see that this is the same wolf that I saw yesterday, when I disabled all of those traps. This is the same white wolf that looks very much like the wolf I've lived with ever since I first phased, but at the same time is absolutely nothing like her. This is how I imagined my wolf would look if she was born a full blooded wolf, not a mix like myself. By some miracle, my skinny, weak, halfling wolf has transformed into a magnificent wolf that oozes confidence and demands respect.
What the hell?
Apparently, we don't have time to fully consider this vast change in my wolf-form any further because Edward is clearly impatient and barks out before pushing his head against the wolf appropriate swinging doors of our changing room. I quickly follow and as soon as our paws hit the ground we are off. Now, you know that feeling when you go from a run down car and either exchange it or simply test drive a sleek, powerful and brand new vehicle? Well, that's what my wolf's new body basically feels like. She is able to give Edward a run for his money in our short race. In fact, I'm pretty sure she would have beaten him, if it weren't for the fact that she had to follow Edward's lead to find the rest of the Pack.
Internally I can feel how my wolf also shares my excitement and again I can feel how she's carefully nudging me for the permission to take the lead. I haven't experienced her do this many times before, and I can feel that she is trying to ask respectfully and not fight me for it. When Edward begins to slow and the scent of several other wolves hits my nose, I decide that I'm going to need her confidence, strength and instinct. Worst case scenario, I'll just have to fight her to return the control again.
As I give her the reins, she quickly shakes our wolf's head and I can feel how I'm pushed to the side. It's a little unnerving, but I try not to think too much about it. We are walking side by side with Edward's dark wolf as we enter the large meadowlike area where I've been told that the Pack meets at least once a month to allow their wolves to socialize and have some fun together. Looking around, I realize that it isn't far from where the first traps were found and, if I remember correctly from the day before, I believe this was the area where I found the most traps. I can't be a hundred percent sure, but I make a mental note of it to ask Edward about it later. There aren't any wolves exactly where we are, but I can smell their scent around the entire area. Edward speeds up slightly and I can suddenly see that there is a large rock up ahead and it is surrounded by wolves.
"Here goes nothing," I think as we reach the outskirts of the perfectly formed half circle and every single wolf turns around to watch us. My wolf actually snorts back at me as though she finds my comment silly and stupid.
Edward's wolf turns his head at the sound and waits patiently for my wolf to join him at his side again. Then he focuses his attention on leading us safely into the center. I can feel the heavy gazes and soft shuffles of movement as Edward and I make our way towards what I believe is called the "pulpit". I'm practically freaking out just watching everything, but my wolf is steady and calm. She bares her teeth and growls slightly on a few occasions, but for the most part she simply follows Edward with her head held high, like a queen. Although I'm watching the whole thing on the edge of my seat, ready to step in if need be, I couldn't be prouder of her than I am in this moment.
When we get closer to the center, I recognize Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Edward Sr. and an unfamiliar female wolf that I believe must be Edward's grandmother standing together on one side of the large rock. For a second I wonder if my usually temperamental wolf is going to lose it and attack, forcing me to step in, but she doesn't even react. My extended family is standing on the opposite side of the Cullens and I release a sigh of relief when Edward directs us past my family instead of his, before we both jump up onto the large rock and take our places next to Carlisle and Esme who are waiting for us at the top.
My breath catches in my throat as I glance down at every single member of the pack in their wolf forms. It is an astonishing and quite humbling sight. Each and every one of those wolf-shifters below play an essential part in our Pack as a whole, and for the first time I begin to comprehend the depth of responsibility Edward has tried to explain to me as Beta and future Alpha. All of these people, each with their own personalities, gifts, traits and opinions, are our responsibility to assist and lead in any way that we can. The magnitude of that task begins to bear down on my shoulders and I can feel my stomach sink. I don't even know where to begin. Yet again, my wolf makes a small snorting sound as if she's trying to tell me to stop worrying. Before I am able to respond, however, there is a strange shift in the entire Pack and complete silence begins to spread. I feel it within my wolf as her body tenses in anticipation. It's as though we are all waiting for something in complete suspense and I have no idea what it could be.
Then Carlisle's wolf tilts his massive silver-grey head back, pointing his snout to the darkening night sky, opens his mouth and fills the air with an earth shaking howl that flows over me like a tidal wave of fluttering butterflies. Tears immediately spring to my eyes at the beauty and almost bottomless grief that our Alpha is portraying in his song. Reacting completely on instinct, my wolf also tilts her head back and joins his song. Her howl is absolutely gorgeous, sending goosebumps all over my skin. Soon, every single member of the Pack raises their voices and joins us in bidding farewell to two beloved pack members. The emotions that our continuous song conjures up inside of me is unlike anything I've ever experienced before. It's like I can feel every single pack member's pain and sorrow of this heartbreaking loss, but at the same time I can also feel their gratitude and love as if it were my own. They are honoring the memory of Nanna and Pop in a way that I will remember and cherish for the rest of my life.
I have no idea how long we stand there and sing together, but after a while the song begins to die down and by the end there are only three voices left; Billy, my father and Carlisle. They sing together for a moment longer and a round of new tears rise to my eyes at their absolutely heartbreaking song. Then both Billy and my father stop, and Carlisle concludes the ceremony by releasing one final powerful, yet lonely, howl. Then everything is silent, as though we are all yet again waiting in suspense for a sign of some sort to show us what we should do next.
When Esme's wolf softly trots over to her husband and lovingly pushes his head up from its bowed and almost broken position, it feels as though a wave of relief rolls over every single pack member and they all begin to mirror her movements. Each mated couple lovingly caresses one another with licks and affectionate touches, then they move on to their children and so forth. I've been told that wolves are affectionate and social creatures, but this is my first experience with it on such a large scale. It completely takes me off guard and I'm overwhelmed by it all.
My wolf, however, is a natural. She is again doing exactly what is expected of her and even when both Carlisle and Esme move forward to show their affection, from Alpha to Beta, I'm quite shocked when she allows them both to move close enough for a gentle cuddle. That anger she's shown has been pushed away for this ceremony. Carlisle's wolf tentatively licks her face as though he doesn't really trust her, and then quickly pulls back, but Esme nuzzles her snout against my wolf's neck for a long time and she appears to be absolutely fine with it. She continues following Edward's lead and I'm pleased to see that my mate decides to jump down to greet my family first, instead of going to his own. I really don't think it's a good idea to push it and cuddling Edward Sr. and Rosalie, doesn't seem like a smart thing to do.
The perfectly formed half circle around the pulpit has been dispersed, but from what I can see no one has left. They've simply all spread out around the area, some begin to play, other's lay down and relax, while others again sniff around and explore. Each pack member is free to do what they please and the mood is relaxed and happy; a strong contrast to what we've just experienced during the wake, funeral and wolf-ceremony. It's like tension that has just been released in some way and it feels incredible. There is a strange sense of overall acceptance that I've never felt before. Everyone appears to be happy about simply being able to be together in their wolf forms and as a pack. There is a wonderful feeling of unity in the air and my wolf is openly excited and happy about just being a part of this. I realize that this is exactly what she's been missing for all these years and what Edward was trying to explain to me about how wolves need their Pack. I had no idea that this camaraderie even existed.
Another thing that Edward wasn't kidding about, was the fact that I'd probably be surprised by how my wolf's emotions would affect me. He described it as a rollercoaster of emotions and he was right. I've gone from the darkest corners of deep and agonizing sorrow to elation and giddiness in a manner of a few minutes. It's a very weird feeling, but strangely I like it.
When we arrive where my family is gathered, I quickly notice that Leah is missing and wonder what might have happened. Her scent is still lingering in the air, so I know she couldn't have left too long ago. Before I have the chance to search for her, my wolf is suddenly rammed to the ground. We hit the ground with a thud, but in a matter of seconds we're back on our feet, teeth on show and ears back, ready to take on my attacker. Again, I'm struck by the complete change in her emotions. Ice-blue, almost white eyes, meet mine and my wolf and I both quickly recognize our attacker as my cousin, Jacob. He is looking back at me with his tongue hanging out of his mouth as though he's laughing. Humor begins to build inside of me and I can feel how anticipation spreads throughout my wolf's body. Jake's wolf has made the first move, but my wolf is ready to play.
We circle each other for a moment and I can sense how Jacob's cream colored wolf is testing me with sharp movements here and there, just to see how my wolf reacts. We've attracted a crowd, I can feel them behind me, but my wolf is completely focused on her opponent in front of us. She's always been very agile, but now… Wow. She's amazing. After a few teasing and taunting movements, Jacob's wolf finally makes his move and suddenly our wolves are caught in an intense battle for dominance. Although it certainly looks and feels very violent, my cousin doesn't hurt us at all and I can feel how my wolf is easily meeting each attack with one of her own. She is a force to be reckoned with and Jacob is quickly realizing it.
Suddenly, there's a flash of dark fur in my line of sight and my wolf is yet again tackled to the ground. She quickly snarls and snaps her teeth fighting whomever it is, but the responding growl sends a thrill through her and she immediately stops moving all together. I'm curious about the change in her reaction. The wolf that just interrupted our battle, has buried his teeth deep into her neck, but all I can feel is a light pressure. My wolf is in no pain at all, in fact, she appears to like it quite a bit. The wolf holds on for a second longer to see if she truly has stopped her fight and then gives her an almost loving nip, before releasing his hold as he moves back.
When our eyes meet the electric green of our mate, it's as though a charge of electricity begins to hum between us. Our bond snaps to life like a whip and I can feel my wolf's strong body tremble under his hypnotic gaze. The feelings that rise between us are even more intense as a wolf. From our point of view beneath him, both my wolf and I are able to lie back and appreciate what a magnificent creature he is: strong, commanding, powerful… He takes my breath away in any shape or form. I don't think my wolf truly understands why he decided to go between Jacob and herself and stop the fight, but she seems quite content and openly surrenders to Edward's command… for now.
It's clear that Edward's wolf also realizes that his mate is giving up a little too easily, because he sends her a knowing look before leaning over and covering her face with affectionate licks and gentle nudges. It is the sweetest thing I think I've ever seen. My serious and powerful Beta wolf resembles a cute and playful pup in his actions. After a moment with some wonderful cuddles, Edward leads me around the area as though he wants to show me around. Several wolves come over to greet us and Quil, Seth and Embry stay on our tail. I'm repeatedly dragged into a playful wrestle with them. I win every single time, which seems to please them immensely. Jake has trotted over to a larger group of wolves that appear to be fighting a little more seriously. There is one wolf in particular that seems to be taking a rather significant beating. It's a skinny male wolf with his tail between his legs in clear submission. I wonder who it is and why all of the other wolves appear to be treating him so poorly. My wolf, however, doesn't really care, accepting the actions as something normal.
As we pass by their fighting ring, Jake's wolf suddenly barks out and I can feel how my wolf's ears perk up in interest. All of the attention in the large group is instantly fixed on my mate. Jake's wolf continues to taunt Edward with barks and excited body movements. Edward's wolf, however, stares back with an almost bored expression and looks completely relaxed and happy where he is. Apparently, my wolf wants him to do whatever it is that Jake wants him to do, because she walks around her mate, dragging her body against his before pushing her nose under his chin. He growls softly at her as though he's trying to tell her that he's on to her. He understands that she's trying to convince him to do whatever it is that Jake wants him to do. Then he briefly nuzzles his face against hers, before accepting Jake's challenge and moves into the "fight circle" with slow and almost lazy steps.
My wolf makes herself comfortable and is clearly pleased with herself for convincing him to join. She must really like watching Edward's display of power and fighting prowess, because she yelps out her excitement with every single win that he has. Apparently, this little fight ring is a training session for any- and everyone that wants to be tested. By stepping into it, Edward has accepted to take on whoever feels like a fight. He does so with an expertise unlike anything I've ever seen and one by one they all lose, surprisingly quickly I might ad. They appear to be falling into line, moving from the weakest to the strongest members of the Pack.
After a large handful of very easy wins, a larger wolf steps onto the field with dancing honey-colored eyes. My wolf sniffs in deeply and I quickly recognize the scent as Emmett. The other wolves begin to bark out in excitement, clearly aware that this will be a more interesting battle. Edward watches how Emmett moves around the circle with ease revealing nothing. The difference in just how Emmett moves is remarkable compared to the others, he is an excellent fighter. My wolf rises to her feet, clearly excited to see how this battle will go and maybe even get a few tips and ideas out of it. She has not been impressed by the other contenders up until now. As a human, I worry for Edward's well-being, but my worries are quickly squashed.
When Emmett finally attacks, the two wolves roll around and battle it out for much longer than the previous opponents, but in a strange way it looks as though Edward is almost playing with Emmett. Very soon it is clear to everyone that even Emmett is no match for Edward's expert fighting and sheer size. In a matter of minutes (and not seconds like the others), Emmett is forced to submit and he too must face his loss. When he does it almost looks as though he's laughing and both he and Edward share a playful and silly goodbye before Emmett leaves the circle, proving how good friends they are.
I watch to see where Emmett disappears to, and my heart stutters when I'm suddenly met by Rosalie's strong gaze. This time, my wolf reacts in the way I expected her to. She immediately bares her teeth and bend her head down, tensing her muscles as though she's preparing for attack. Rosalie is far away and I can feel how Quil, Seth and Embry jump to their feet to search for whatever threat it is that I'm reacting to. Rosalie holds my gaze and doesn't react as my wolf snarls angrily in her direction. Suddenly, Jake moves into my line of sight as though he's trying to step between us and I see that Emmett is pulling Rosalie away as well. Growls continue to flow from my mouth as my wolf struggles to calm herself. She turns her back to the circle and bites into a branch that she finds on the ground, absolutely destroying it. It takes off some of the edge and soon my wolf is back to normal. When she turns around again however, a powerful red rage surges through her like an exploding volcano. Any control that I might have on her is completely demolished as she sprints forward with lethal precision. Her target? A russet colored female wolf who has managed to close in on Edward and is currently rubbing the side of her body against his. Something in my brain clicks and I can actually feel how our minds merge together as my anger rises as well. I've caught a whiff of the unfamiliar wolf's scent… It's Jessica.