A/N just a note, since we are now closer to the end than the beginning, I have started going back and editing previous chapters. Nothing major is being changed, mainly just grammar and minor inconsistencies. So, if you go back, and notice that somethings slightly different, thats whats going on.
~Dot
CW: Reverence back to sexual assault, but no direct mention or details
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They had made their way back to Hermione's flat, anxious to get away from the bad vibes of Ron's secret room. For as much time as he took, Ron had packed sensibly and did not bring much with him.
Hermione felt unsure if she should make space for his things. She could easily clear out a drawer or two. Would that be too presumptuous of her? He hadn't said he was moving in, but he also didn't say how long he was going to stay. She decided to wait to see if he asked, so it wouldn't seem like she assumed anything.
One of the things that Ron did bring with him was a generous amount of sleeping drought, which Hermione now took nightly. She decided she would stop once she was seeing a therapist, but she was still waiting for a response from Stoica. So, in the meantime, her sleep was dreamless and terror-free.
It was still a week until Harry and Ginny got back from their honeymoon, so talking to Harry about Hermione's theory would have to wait as well. For now, Ron and Hermione were in a sort of in-between time; going through the motions of their daily lives, waiting for things to happen.
One of the things that marked this liminal in-between time was the notable lack of paparazzi. After the war, it was one of the things she despised most. Anytime she had left the confines of the burrow to go somewhere in the magical world she was ambushed by reporters and fans and looky-loos. But, that hadn't been the case recently. In fact, she hadn't seen a single reporter since she had entered back into the wizarding world. Not even at Harry's wedding.
She had mentioned this to Ron over dinner one night and was met with a dark laugh. He explained to her that that was all Harry's doing. After Ron's "outburst" at the aurors, the reporters had a field day. Even before that, they had been ruthless, especially with Ron in regards to Hermione's disappearance. There were nasty rumours that he was involved somehow; that he was unhinged. And his behaviour after she was declared dead did not help change the rumours.
It got to the point that Ron and Harry could no longer leave their homes without being bombarded. One day, Harry had had it. He went to the Wizengamot and demanded change. With his fame and his rising position at the aurors, he was taken seriously. So, laws were put into place disallowing paparazzi, liable, and unofficial accounts. It wasn't perfect, but it helped to diminish the power that unreliable reporters had.
Ron went on to explain that Hermione had been in the papers, recently. But since they couldn't post pictures without her permission, and speculation was not allowed, there wasn't much to write about. Ron had a full grin on his face by the time he was recounting the defeat of "reporters" like Rita Skeeter.
Hermione, once again, found herself feeling gratitude towards her friend. She knew that Harry did not enjoy being written about or followed by star-struck fans, but he was used to it. She knew that his actions to stop these practices were more for Ron than anyone. She was grateful to know that Harry had continued to protect Ron, even in her absence. Though, she never would have doubted his love for his best friend.
She was reminded of the night that she had gone to the ministry's library. She wanted to see what, if any, laws had been created in regards to magical creatures. She was pleasantly surprised to find that a law had passed giving house-elves more freedoms. They could leave any position they were not happy in, they were required to be paid (a measly amount, but it was better than nothing), and they were required to be provided clothing by their masters. It wasn't perfect, but it was a huge improvement to the almost nonexistent laws that had existed before. While skimming the list of proponents of the law, her heart leaped, seeing that Harry had fought and argued passionately for this law to be passed.
Ron was still talking, even through Hermione's reminiscing. But, he got her attention when he mentioned Kingsley. Ron added that the ministry, Kingsley especially, had wanted to talk to her, about her experience and about her future plans. But, Ron and the Weasley's had kept him at bay, saying that Hermione would talk to him when she was ready.
Ron added this as if it was unimportant, just a side note to their larger conversation. But, Hermione felt the gravity of his statement. She would eventually need to talk to Kingsley. To tell him what she went through and to talk about her future plans. She didn't know which one was more daunting; she didn't want to relive her past, but she had no clue about her plans for her future.
Hermione was woken by her alarm but was still in a state of half-sleep. Her mind wandered to the evening the pair had shared not a week before. Since then, there had been no repeats; only chaste kisses and cuddles before sleep. She worried that something had gone wrong, that maybe he was rethinking their relationship altogether. He seemed so hesitant to touch her now. She wondered if it had to do with her nightmare; if he was afraid he would trigger her somehow.
It was a legitimate enough worry and one that Hermione had as well. Their night of passion had been so overwhelming that she didn't have time to process what was going on, overcome with emotion. But, if it were to happen again, would that be the case? Or would she be sent back to her time in the cellar, suddenly sickened by his touch?
This was something she had worried about as Jane as well and talked to her past therapists with. They all had their own ways of helping her cope and deal with the situation. But, it never got to that. She never invited anyone to her flat and had only gone on a couple of unsuccessful dates.
This had come up in conversation that passionate night, sometime between lovemaking and eating pizza in bed (realising that they had worked up an appetite, but not wanting to leave each other or the bed that held them).
Ron had inquired about her "past lovers", which Hermione found hilarious. She explained to him how it's hard to date when you don't know who you are. Where'd you grow up? How many siblings do you have? What primary school did you go to? Questions about one's past were abundant in a first date conversation.
At first, she had tried making up answers. But lies lead to more lies, which lead to more lies. And they became exhausting to keep up with. She recalled one such date where she had said she grew up in York. Much to her terror, her date had exclaimed that he grew up in York too! It was a dreadful night, having to explain the truth and her date suddenly realising he had an exam the next day and he had to leave early.
But, if she was honest with herself, it wasn't just the sorry conversations that kept her from having a real relationship. Or at least having sex. There were plenty of men who didn't care about who she was or where she came from and would have easily accepted an invite to her flat.
The truth was that she was scared. Not so much of intimacy, but of people. Not only did she not know herself, but she also didn't know others. She didn't know who she could trust. More importantly, she didn't know if the person she passed on the street was involved with her predicament. When she lived as Jane, anyone could be a villain, and she had no way of deciphering who was good and who was out to get her.
She had told Ron this, feeling more vulnerable than she had before. Which was significant, considering what they had been doing moments before. She quickly tried changing the subject, pestering him about his past escapades.
His face immediately dropped when she asked this question, and she wondered how she could change the subject. But, before she could, he spoke up.
He told her of one night, years into her disappearance when he had gotten especially plastered. He was still a war hero, and it was easy to find someone to take home. He did as such, but couldn't get past snogging. He ended up yelling at this poor woman and making her leave. He noted with a dark smile that the Daily Prophet had a field day with that.
Hermione was waiting for the other shoe to drop. But, that was it. Over the entire last five years, he had snogged one woman. And he felt terrible about it. He told her how he didn't leave his flat for days after that. He even apologised to Hermione.
She couldn't think of a reason for him to apologise. He thought she had been dead (even if he was trying to convince himself otherwise). Plus he had only kissed one person. Even if he had dated all of the women, or settled down and started a family with someone else, she couldn't be mad at him. Though she knew she would be heartbroken. He did nothing wrong, and there was nothing for him to be sorry about. She told him as much but didn't seem to convince him.
She ended up taking his hand and looking him in the eyes. She told him that it didn't matter what happened in the past, what was important was that they were together now.
Hermione was almost fully awake now, willing herself to stay in her daydream. There was one downside to having a dreamless sleep; no good dreams.
She was jolted awake with a gasp, as a realisation hit her.
"Wasup," Ron slurred, still partially asleep himself, but now concerned for Hermione.
When they had been together all of those years ago in Ron's attic bedroom, she had been the one to do the spell. Either one of them could have performed it, but it just made sense that Hermione would do it since she was better with spells and was always prepared.
Always prepared.
Well, that wasn't true now, was it? She hadn't done the spell during their recent rendezvous. She hadn't even thought of it. How could she have been so stupid? Even muggles have to plan their contraceptives. But, she was so caught up in the moment, in Ron, it just hadn't occurred to her.
"Did you have a bad dream?", Ron asked, now turned towards her and fully awake.
"No", she shook her head.
"Ron," she said in a small voice. "The other day, when we...did you, I mean, did you do the spell?"
She wasn't sure why she couldn't just come out and say what she needed to say. But suddenly, she felt like a shy little 18-year-old, unsure of herself and not about to say things like sex or contraceptive spell.
"I, erm," Ron started, a bit taken back by her question. "No, I didn't. I figured you did."
She shook her head, avoiding his eyes. She had another week or so before she was supposed to get her period. The same amount of time before she could get a test. They would have to continue to do what they have been doing this past week; wait.