phoenix: There will still be lots of trauma. Poor Luffy.
RIAEVANS: lol, papa Marco. Grandpa Whitebeard.
acetwolf24: Thank you! We have 12 chapters left!
This chapter has hurt/comfort. Some may also start to hate one of the characters, who knows? Enjoy~
"I can tell you're keeping a secret, son," Whitebeard said during a briefing from the second division, which was in the process of being divided for the time until they found a suitable second division commander. It was an important choice, and the captain would not give the place to anyone who did not fit the mould perfectly.
Marco kept a stoic face. "I'm not sure what you mean," he said, though Marco could hear the unease in his voice about being caught. He'd gone against his captain's wishes. He would no doubt be in trouble, but he hadn't gone completely the wrong way. It would have been much worse if he'd told the boys they weren't wanted.
"Boy, you can't lie to me and think I won't notice," Whitebeard scoffed. Marco set the papers down, and looked up at the man with a blank face. The emperor looked at him with a smirk, daring Marco to lie directly to him. Marco let out a defeated sigh.
"I may have let slip that we wanted to keep the kids." When he was given a raised eyebrow, he said, "Ok, I may have told them directly that we were planning on keeping them." Whitebeard sighed, and Marco worried he was actually in trouble.
"I trust your judgement, but what made you tell them before I wished?" the man asked, a hint of confusion in his voice. Marco had rarely, if ever, disobeyed Whitebeard in a way like this. Marco flinched, but knew he had done the right thing at the right time.
He made direct eye contact with his father and captain. "I did it to help Luffy. He thought we were going to kick him off because of being a danger. To me, it was the right time to bring it up. They know your wish to keep them, and I told them they would now be ready to answer when that question or offer officially comes. I didn't do it to go against you directly, I did it to help our future little brother feel safe and wanted. I will take any punishment you give. I went against your wishes, but I am not sorry that I told them."
Whitebeard stared at him, and they didn't say anything for a moment, Whitebeard thinking and Marco waiting. "I trust you did what you thought was right. There is no punishment for helping one of our own, official or not, to not have a panic attack or become afraid of rejection." Marco sighed and gave the man a relieved grin.
"If you had told them the opposite, that they weren't wanted here, they you would have definite punishment. But I know that's not how you feel and not how you'd act even if you did not want them to stick around," the captain explained.
"I do have to say my ego has been inflated since the brats came aboard. After all, Luffy used to be a killing machine, and here he is holding a stuffed giraffe in front of everyone. I am proud to have welcomed them with open arms, even if Luffy had originally kidnapped my beloved son. Though, I hope you know now not to underestimate anyone anymore."
Marco sighed, and then chuckled. "I am ashamed that an eight year old kidnapped me so easily," he said, though in good humor. "I look forward to having my own baby brothers. And no mother-hen jokes or I will not be happy."
Whitebeard laughed long and hearty. "I didn't think I would gain sons by losing one, temporary or not." Marco gave him a serious look, surprising the captain.
"We don't know for sure that they will stay indefinitely. At least until Luffy is better, however long that takes, but after that, they have the freedom to leave. We can't take that away from them," Marco explained. Whitebeard nodded in agreement. If they truly wanted to leave, the man would let them. They'd been trapped long enough, they deserved total freedom if they so wished.
-x-
The boys were asleep on two mattresses pushed together in Marco's room. There was a small office space connected to his room, as he was first mate and his room was the nicest on the ship besides the captain's. Usually, the space was storage for papers, books, things that didn't belong in other places. Now, it had three children, an end table and a lamp. The door was closed just slightly.
It was to make the brother's feel safer than they would if they stayed in a storage room that had bedroom furniture. They would have felt like they were being punished if they were thrown in another part of the ship. All three would have felt it was Luffy's fault and that others blamed him.
But, when Marco offered up the space they were in now, Ace and Sabo had wanted to go and said so immediately. "What about your stuff if I go out of control?" the youngest had asked fearfully, and also feeling immensely guilty for ruining the room they'd been offered out of kindness.
"There is a small space sectioned off. There is a door that Ace and Sabo can exit if necessary, but if the room is destroyed, it will not be much of a loss." Luffy had reluctantly agreed, and while Marco was doing his duties, Ace and Sabo took Luffy to the bathroom to submerge him before bed.
Everything that was in their makeshift room were now in boxes in the main room, and Ace laid Luffy down on the bed, making sure the door was open so Ace and Sabo could leave if needed in an emergency. AKA: unintentional attack.
It took awhile for both trying to sleep before they decided taking turns would be most effective. There was a clock in the room, so Ace took a four hour shift while Sabo took the second afterwards.
Through both shifts, Luffy didn't stir even once, not even readjusting his position. He stayed completely limp and knocked out until 9:10, waking slowly to the smell of good food. Their breakfast had been brought to them while Luffy was still out of commission. He lethargically tried reaching for the bacon on the untouched plate, and Ace took it for him. Luffy was exhausted, but not from the water anymore. He sat up after a full-body stretch and started eating without a word.
"Did you sleep alright?" Sabo asked, since Luffy wasn't going to talk as he stuffed his face greedily. He shook his head, seemingly honestly, and his brothers smiled. They were both able to function with not too much sleep, so taking shifts hadn't been a problem. Luffy had always slept more than they did.
"No bad dreams or anything?"
"No. I don't remember what I dreamed," Luffy replied. "I'm glad I didn't destroy the room." Ace and Sabo nodded in agreement. The room was perfectly fine. Luffy had felt safe in Marco's room and hadn't even covered the doorway. Well, if Whiskey was right it was because Luffy's fruit was prevented from doing anything.
"I'm glad you didn't have any nightmares," Sabo said, ruffling Luffy's hair. "I'm sure Izo has made us new outfits since the old ones were destroyed." Everything in the room had been ruined, much of it beyond repair. The clothes inside the dresser and closet had been shredded to pieced by the spikes that piereced through the thin wood. Toys and papers and books were all goners, as well.
"We're stopping at the island today. You'll get to go on it tomorrow after Thatch is done buying foods and other necessities. Do you want to go outside and see it?" Ace offered. Luffy nodded, and they left in the clothes they were wearing, Marco gone and unable to fetch Izo as they didn't know where he was. They'd slept in because of Luffy still being asleep. No one knew the real extent to how long the water treatment lasted. Napping and going to bed for a full night's sleep were two different things.
"Okay," Luffy said. The three brushed their teeth, since nothing in the bathroom had been ruined and they still had the toiletries, and then went out on deck after stopping to return the empty plates to the kitchen. Thatch wasn't there, only a few members of his division washing the last of the dishes from breakfast.
Not many people were still there, but they found Whitebeard directing the pirates on where they were going, as they couldn't all come off at once without being disorganized and being overwhelming to have a crew of over a thousand pirates coming off all at one time.
"Boys!" Whitebeard called to the children looking at the island from the railing of the Moby Dick. They were docked on a side of the island that didn't have many houses or people, which Ace and Sabo were sure was for their benefit. The three went to him, voice easily heard over the chatter and noises.
The three walked across the deck and up to the massive chair. "How did you all sleep?" he asked. They knew he meant Luffy, since that's all that mattered.
"Luffy had no bad dreams," Sabo supplied.
"That's not what I asked. I asked how you all slept. No doubt worrying about your brother would keep you up or cause your own nightmares," Whitebeard said. The other two looked surprised. Whitebeard smiled at them sadly. "Did you think we only care about Luffy's wellbeing? How did you two sleep?"
Poor Ace and Sabo were so confused. The whole time they'd only been focusing on what was good for Luffy. They just assumed that was the same for everyone else. Ace was speechless while Sabo recovered quicker.
"We took shifts last night, to make sure Luffy didn't have any nightmares," the blonde supplied. "I read the whole time, I don't know what Ace did."
"If you'd like, we can have someone stay in there while you both sleep. Just like watch duty, only more relaxing. Sitting on a chair all night would not be the worst thing. Do you know the tells of Luffy having a bad dream?" the captain asked kindly.
Ace and Sabo answered right away. "He whimpers and starts to twitch. We always wake him up as soon as we can. We… clearly we were unable to do that the last time around," the freckled brother said.
"It wasn't Ace or Sabo's fault! It was a really bad, really sudden one. It started out slow, not like my other ones," Luffy explained, not wanting his brothers to feel guilty when he was the one that should feel guilty.
"The nightmare's was no one's fault but Teach's," Whitebeard said in a strong voice, clearly not liking the blame that each child was feeling. The three didn't argue with this, because they knew he was right. Luffy didn't have nightmares before Teach tried to murder him. Of course it would leave lasting scars, for a long time, and they needed help. Ace and Sabo couldn't take care of him during the night by themselves.
Ace and Sabo had stone cold faces, not sure how to ask for the help they needed. Whiskey and Marco had been a huge help, but they needed more. Luffy needed more. But both Ace and Sabo didn't know how to ask. Whitebeard seemed to see this.
"It's alright to ask for help, boys," the large man said in a surprisingly soft voice. "There's nothing wrong with it. When one of my sons, our family member, joined, they had had a very traumatic assault. He'd bee suffering for a year, but once he joined this ship, everyone was there to help. He got better, it took time, but he couldn't be happier now. There will always be trauma, but it can be overcome with time and love.
"I'm sorry, but this is not a small enough problem to be dealt with completely by two children. It's not right to have to burden you three with this to work with on your own. You can ask for help and we will be there for you," the man finished. They were all trying not to cry, Luffy because he felt like a burden and the other two because they were still nervous to ask. To open up completely.
Sabo finally took the jump, and said, "Help us. Please," he said it quietly, but it was heard by the captain and his fellow brothers.
"That's all you need to say. We'll get a group together to help tonight. We should get on this as soon as possible, and to not have Luffy or you two suffer from the stress you feel. Children your age should not suffer from such stress and worry. Luffy should not suffer from nightmares like this, but we have to work through them thoroughly, and I don't doubt that you two will do everything in your power to fix this situation. Things might never be how the were, but you can still come out of it hopeful and happy," he said with a huge grin. Luffy nodded along, Ace and Sabo with hopeful looks on their faces.
By then end of the day, the boys, captain and first mate had had a meeting with Whiskey, who had a plethora of books about trauma and PTSD on her desk. "We should have had him diagnosed a long time ago, but besides some bad dreams, I think we have been downplaying it due to Luffy's strong spirit and Ace and Sabo helping to keep the problem only to themselves." The boys were fidgeting, Ace and Sabo looking ashamed.
"None of us wanted to cause problems. We thought Luffy was doing better," Sabo mumbled.
"I think that Luffy has internalized a lot of his problems. It's necessary to ask for help, Luffy," Whiskey said, turning to the subject of everything. "On a scale of one to ten, how do you feel daily, one being the worst and ten being the best?"
"Four- five," he immediately changed his answer when he saw the looks on his brothers' faces. It was enough to show a big problem. Everyone had caught it, though. They all looked sad.
Ace and Sabo were feeling embarrassed and ashamed, kind of wishing they didn't need to ask for help. But Luffy was most upset, fidgeting with his fingers. "It's only bad dreams," he said in a shaking voice, not making eye contact.
"Bad dreams, anxiety, depression, hiding things, downplaying your emotional pain," Whiskey listed. "Luffy, I think you have been raised with bad coping skills. If 'raised' even explains his life so far. I think we've all forgotten what kind of life he's lived based on his drastic improvements since coming aboard the ship."
"What do you mean?" Whitebeard asked.
Luffy was looking uncomfortable. "I don't want to think about that time." Whiskey looked sad about it, and replied emphatically.
"Not thinking about it does not mean it never happened. Luffy, you may have improved a great deal in your not killing people, but you've never been properly cared for. You were raised by people who cut off your arm to see if it'd grow back. Who made you believe killing was completely normal and okay. You were bribed into being happy, as many toys as you could have and spending time with your brothers between jobs," Whiskey said. "I'm so sorry we didn't address this sooner. I think you're progress fooled all of us into thinking you were just fine. That you could bounce back.
"Luffy, what did you do when you felt stressed back at the facility?"
"I saw Ace and Sabo. They fix stuff," Luffy answered honestly.
"So, you've never managed your own stress? You've hidden it or have depended on your brothers to fix it?" The boy nodded. "Do you know how to manage stress?" Luffy responded with his brothers' names. "Were you ever openly abused at your old 'home'? Hit, or taunted."
"No, cause I'd kill them. Then I'd try to forget. I didn't think anything was wrong and it made them not mean to me."
Whiskey was jotting things down while also staying very engaged in the discussion. "So, you killed anyone who was mean? Did you have lingering feelings of self-doubt or guilt after they were gone?" Luffy shook his head.
"I think we can diagnose the old Luffy as a psychopath. But, the thing we run into here is that I don't know of any cases where a psychopath has turned himself around like Luffy has, I've never heard of a child so young being this way. You're not even in your double digits yet and you've been used, killed indiscriminately, and have then changed your ways into being someone else. I would lean towards multiple personality disorder but you haven't had a relapse in awhile. You killed on one occasion before you understood that it was wrong.
"Luffy is an anomaly on multiple levels. I need to do a lot of research on this, but I don't even think Wendy would know how to deal with this and she knows psychology much better than I do."
Luffy had tears in his eyes. "I'm unfixable?" he asked in a small voice. Ace and Sabo were both glaring daggers at Whiskey. "I-'m b-roken?"
Whitebeard said, "I think you need to watch what you are saying, Whiskey. Luffy is not just a mystery about his devil fruit anymore, he's part of our family." Whiskey looked ashamed, and clearly had gotten lost in her explanation that she forgot Luffy was just a child, who had been through a lot, and who was right in front of her.
"I'm sorry," she conceded. "I didn't mean to sound insensitive."
"S'okay," Luffy mumbled.
"No, it's not. I'm a nurse and yet I'm just making it worse," she said with a sigh.
"Luffy, you aren't unfixable. No one is unfixable unless they are dead," Marco said strongly. "You just need some finetuning." Luffy didn't look comforted. Ace and Sabo were livid with Whiskey's callous way of speaking. What kind of doctor makes their patient feel worse?
Nobody really knew what to say, and Luffy was growing more upset by the minute. He didn't know how to deal with this and not kill anyone. Whiskey was hurting his feelings, but he didn't feel the desire to kill her for it. Was he really a psychopath? He didn't feel like one anymore. He thought he was better, a good boy now. But now he was unsure. He wanted to be a good boy and then he was told he was crazy. That's what psycho meant, right?
"I think that we should have a conversation about Luffy's feelings," Marco suddenly said. The others looked at him, Luffy's eyes red and puffy. "Maybe find out what changed him in the first place, since he clearly has changed. Luffy, what do you feel has changed about you recently?"
"I don't want to kill people anymore. I wanna be a good boy and love Ace and Sabo and be happy. I was happy before Teach, and now I'm messed up and now I'm a psychopath!" Luffy exclaimed. "I wanna be normal!"
There was no loss of control of power. No violent tendency once he was upset. Just hurt and confusion. "Luffy, she said you used to be one. Not anymore"
"She said I can't change!" Luffy argued back.
"Well she's fucking wrong," Ace spat at Whiskey. "Look, you just made things worse! We came for help! And now Luffy's more upset than he was before! Some family you are!" Ace got up and dragged Luffy out of the room, Sabo running to catch up. They needed a break. How could they trust these people to help them with Luffy when all they did was make it even worse?
"Wait, Ace!" Marco called.
"Shut up!" Ace shouted. Sabo hadn't seen Ace like this in years. Not after getting used to Luffy. And Luffy was extremely upset now. Sabo regretted asking for help. They could have done better by themselves. Now none of them trusted the head nurse. She may have fixed Luffy's body physically but just made him worse emotionally.
Ace and Sabo climbed up to the crowsnest, Luffy hanging onto Ace's back as he kept his movements steady, not hurting Luffy's wound. When they made it the rest of the way up, Ace brought a crying Luffy into his arms.
"I thought I wanted to stay here," Sabo muttered. "They made Luffy feel loved, yet now they reduced him to a stressed and emotional mess. I think Whiskey didn't mean to sound so mean, but she worded everything wrong. I don't care about what the normal is. Luffy is ours and he's not broken and we'll help him by ourselves if necessary."
Things had felt so much better before the meeting, but now everyone was upset, Luffy hurting and Ace and Sabo angry. "Don't listen to what she said, Lu. She doesn't know what she's talking about or who you are."
"Who am I?" Luffy muttered. "She said I won't change, but also said I did. I'm confused, now."
"You're Luffy. A good boy with a hard past and recent traumatic events. You're devil fruit is an anomaly, something that's never existed before. Who says that's the only thing you're unique with? No one has ever been in your situation, no matter how much Marco compares his past," Sabo said.
Luffy didn't reply right away, so very confused now. "I don't wanna leave. Whiskey was mean and I'm sad and upset but I like Marco and Whitebeard and Thatch. I want my tattoo gone, I want to get better, I want to be stronger, I want to be a good boy, I don't want to kill anyone," he listed.
"And you can do all of those things," Sabo said softly. "You choose who you want to be. Not Whiskey, not anyone else."
"Why don't we make it clear we want another nurse? Whiskey has been helpful before now. But this is too much. She was insensitive," Ace said.
Sabo sighed, looking up at the blue sky and then to the side at the island. "She's definitely not used to being with children," he mumbled. "I believe we should stay here for now. There's nowhere we can go and Luffy's stomach wound isn't healed yet. There are lots of good things about being here, but I have to admit that some bad things have happened on this ship."
"You mean the attempted murder? Then this?" Ace snapped. Sabo nodded. Those were what the was thinking about.
"It was an accident. Not Teach, Whiskey," Luffy muttered. "It's an accident. I'm not broken! I'm not a psychopath, I'm good and will be better!" he exclaimed. "I want to and will be good! I want to be happy, I wanna be normal!"
Sabo hugged Luffy, who sounded stronger than Ace or Sabo ever had. "You're one of a kind, Luffy. No one is like you in the world, so of course there is no record of your situation. Who eats a polluted devil fruit, is used as a weapon, escapes and turns into a better person? Who would survive an attack like Teach's, and doesn't have lingering problems?"
"I'm special, but I wanna be normal," Luffy insisted. Sabo and Ace didn't think there was such a thing as "normal" that Luffy strived to be.
"I don't think any of us will ever be 'normal' kids," Sabo said softly. Luffy pouted. "But we can be good."
"Take me down, I wanna talk back to Whiskey," the youngest declared. He sounded much more put together, seeming to have convinced himself he wasn't broken, even without his brother's extreme insistence.
Ace asked if he was sure, and Luffy nodded. "Alright, hold on tight," Ace said and Luffy latched around his neck and chest like a monkey hanging off of its mother. The three stormed into the infirmary, where the three seemed to be having a tense conversation, Whiskey looking ashamed and both men irritable or regretful. They were all surprised to see Luffy back. He didn't wait for anyone to say anything before talking.
"I'm not a psychopath, I'm Luffy! I'm not broken! I'm Luffy and no one is like me! I don't like what you said about me but I want to be better so I forgive you. But don't say mean things like that again!" Luffy shouted, pointing his finger at Whiskey, who was shocked.
Everyone in the room was shocked. Luffy walked back to his chair and sat down, glaring at the table. "Let's talk again."