Chapter 23: Note Well
"Master Potter, I'm giving in my two weeks notice," Petunia said, dropping the envelope on his desk.
It was just after Christmas. The hospital's attempts to be festive just let Petunia know how desperate everyone was feeling. This time Charles said nothing but nodded. He knew that Petunia would leave after the last of Eileen's expenses to the hospital was paid off. There was no reason to let go of her and Petunia had taken that decision out of her hands by leaving on her terms.
Charles wanted to ask her how she was doing and if she needed help over the next couple of days. Eileen had raised a proud pupil and someone with the potential to be a potion master, had she put the effort into it. Instead, he looked at a girl and wondered if she felt ok with the rate she had to grow up at.
He knew the news better than anyone and watched as she ground her teeth in frustration in front of Lord Gaunt's office demanding the autopsy report. One thing was certain, he knew everyone in their little potion sphere was glad that she had not been born wizard, because had she, none of their own apprentices would have never stood a chance at any advancement in their field.
Petunia knew what bitter unhappiness tasted like. In a moment of absolute desperation, she had contemplated breaking into the cellar where all the records were kept. Without authorization though, the door was taught to curse those who even touched its frame. She could have whined at how unfair it was, but then she hadn't taken the time to mourn at all. Her debt to Eileen was paid off and because of that, Petunia felt it was time she sook employment in the muggle world. That way she would stop lying to Darren about what her job entailed and she could get herself out of whatever evil was boiling in the world of magic.
It had taken the last of her energy to convince Lily to leave as well. Lily was stubborn and brave. She had no patience for anything and that included people who told her that she couldn't do things. Petunia was scared as it was only a few days before Lily would turn seventeen. At seventeen they would have no say in her life and for the purposes of the community she wanted to live in, she would be an adult.
The murmurs were there in the hospital walls about a resistance. Petunia knew her sister enough to know that this was something that she would be interested in it. That prompted Petunia to set up the next stage of her life. She had to be established enough to pull Lily to the side of normal and unassuming. Petunia was not about to cripple her sister while doing so.
When people said that magic came to them as easily as breathing. She found herself wondering if they could change the weather or the emotions of the person around them. When the purebloods at St Mungo's said so, what they meant was that they couldn't imagine a life where a flick of a wand wasn't a solution to their problems.
They had brought in someone new who Petunia would train to take her place. Bartimus Crouch Junior tried to intimidate Petunia on his first day. She spiked his lunch and had contemplated efficiently putting him to sleep for the next few hours of their shift together. He was only standing here because of Slughorn and his father.
The act itself was juvenile and Lord Gaunt was the one who reprimanded her. He had an interest in the boy and Petunia frankly could not care. She did not have time to look after little boys who had no idea what it took to be recognized as a muggle brewer. Petunia had told Crouch that much. She would be given the respect of a mentor and if Crouch wanted someone else to teach him the basics, she would be more than happy to immediately fail him. Rotation healer students always had this arrogance to them that Petunia, along with every other routine brewer, liked to kill within the first day.
She wasn't feeling very generous or kind to Crouch, he was a pathetic brewer from his first set of results. A simple boil cure, too light to be of any use.
"You have massive wastage and an unusable potion," Petunia said pointing to scraps on the board which he was working on.
Eileen would have had a fit of epic proportions if she found out that they wasted this many ingredients. Petunia was never a teacher, Eileen wasn't one either. That fell on Tobias' shoulder. He was the one who taught her how to study and the systematic approach to work and solving a problem. There were systems in place for all of them growing up and between the four parents they somehow managed to make it work.
Petunia neutralised the potion before throwing it down the drain.
"Try again," she said putting out the exact amount of ingredients in front of him. "There should be enough on there for a Boil Cure and Headache Reliever. You may begin."
Crouch did not look pleased with her but did what she said. She was making the same combination of potions as he was. People learn from experience and their experience tended to govern most of what they did. Eileen had said that to her just before she gave up on something because of someone.
"Watch carefully," Petunia took out a paring knife and began peeling roots to reveal fleshy insides. There were little tricks that had been so hard to master at first and while Petunia wouldn't consider herself a master, she was certainly good. "Every potion that comes out of cauldron needs to be consistent. One version can't be strong only for the next to be weak."
She didn't look up to check on Crouch, he was old enough to know that he had to be following her. The standard potion book that Hogwarts used hadn't changed much and anyone who was standing here knew how to brew every one of the potions in that book. Her insides felt like mush when she thought about it, the way Eileen had taught her to brew potions without thinking for a second she would be terrible at it. Eileen had good instincts.
She used every last usable bit of scraps from the board and at the end, two perfect batch-made potions were ladled into vails. Crouch's looked at least closer in colour and he didn't dare vail it without Petunia's permission. She smiled to herself as she saw he had improved drastically.
"We try again tomorrow, the potion isn't really fit for human consumption but it is still better than your previous attempts," Petunia said, taking a tiny sip of it. The basics were there but it wouldn't have had much effect.
"What is wrong with it," Crouch sounded frustrated.
The words sounded like an order and Petunia ignored the tone. He looked like he was willing to listen. Petunia tried to think of an analogy, something to soften the blow of not being good enough. Few people who make potions at this capacity are good enough to deliver something that was usable every time.
"Your mind wanders, it's like you don't want to be here. Which is fine, truly, this isn't a fun place to be. But you do have all these potions bubbling around you and you need to take it into account even when brewing simple things," Petunia started. This was one of the first lectures she had gotten from Odgen. "You aren't in your own bubble and the people around you usually aren't brewing the same things. So the fumes and sometimes even ingredients react with each other weirdly when in close proximity. Textbook wise the potion was perfect but considering you failed to make adjustments for your environment a few of the ingredients reacted in ways you didn't really plan for."
"How do I get better?" the question was earnest, in a way that made Petunia feel uncomfortable.
"Quality versus quantity at the beginning. The faster you grasp it, the less your error margin, the more complex potions you get to make."
Petunia had never said that aloud to anyone else before. It was how she had gotten good at potions and brewing the Prince's Promise had taught her that. The easiness that existed when things are going your way.
Petunia checked the time on her watch, she still had a shift at the Pediatric ward as their brewer on call.
"Charles should be able to help you, I have to be somewhere else," Petunia packed up her station for the next person. She took her hair out of the bun it was in at the door to let her head breathe until she had to put it back up for the next shift.
The walk took her right past the room Eileen used to stay. Petunia just wrapped her hands around herself and tried to close her eyes as she walked past the room. She wanted the grieving to be over.
Not that it would be over, Petunia still had to fetch Eileen's jewellery from storage. There were seventeenth presents to purchase and wedding bands to etch with protective ruins for Darren and Jean. Just three things on a list and then she could give herself permission to forget the pain. Petunia was naïve at how long it took to get over emotions that could drive most men crazy.
None of her co-workers, magical or otherwise, believed her when she said she was ok. The workers in the factory kept bringing casseroles over for her to give Tobias. He had not stopped drinking and Severus pulled Petunia aside and told her that he was not coming back if he could help it.
It shouldn't have surprised Petunia that all she wanted right now was to be small and the ingredients around her tempted her enough, but even if she had two weeks to go she couldn't afford to lose her job. Not when it was the biggest portion of her income until Ross could get her a position at Grunnings, as a favour from one of his friends. Ross certainly was a helpful person to have around when he wanted to be.
Her mind was screaming at her to break down and from past experience, Petunia knew it wasn't the wise choice. None of her friends would be able to go out with her as they had their own exams coming around. Still, she was way passed the point where she could outrun the things that made her sad.
Sad Petunia was the kind of girl who went home with random people and did way too many hard drugs. It was a cycle that spun around irresponsibly and she had only done it once before. When Eileen's condition was first declared serious, just before she had started working had St Mungo's, she had gone on a bender without care of consequence.
Petunia didn't talk about what she did that weekend. Only that they found her surrounded by people who were just as lost as she was. She could feel the need to go on one of those again. A night when Darren was too tired to do anything but sleep and then she could go out, dance and die, just for one irresponsible night.
A/N: I have exams coming up so updates will be every Saturday until the exams end.