Chapter Twenty Two

Rose came home from the hospital a few days ago, maybe a week now. She's officially five months pregnant. She's been on strict bedrest, only getting up to use the bathroom and to bathe. She's doing better now, not in any immediate danger or at risk for any other complications. She still has to deal with terrible stomach aches, headaches, nausea, and other pain.

There are good days and bad ones. Some days Rose can pretty much live normally, just in bed. I'll sit next to her and although I can tell she's in pain, she's all smiles. Always finding the bright side, always laughing with me about something. We'll watch movies and TV shows, we'll sing at the top of our lungs, we'll exchange stories about our childhoods.

And some days are awful. Rose won't be able to do anything but sleep or shiver or just close her eyes and try to take deep breaths. I'll try to get her to eat something, and she'll just weakly shake her head and close her eyes. She'll hold that one ultrasound picture and just try to remember that all of this will be worth it soon.

It's been hard to watch. She's so strong and so determined, one of the things I love most about her. Watching her this miserable (I know she's miserable, she can deny it all she wants) breaks my heart. I don't sleep much anymore. I mostly just sit in a chair next to our bed and listen to Rose breathe, making sure nothing bad happens. How foolish I had been to assume everything would be smooth sailing after we had escaped that doomed ship.

My family has been amazing throughout all of this uncertainty. I've taken a leave of absence from work, and Gabby has taken over for me. She attends my meetings and sends me the notes, she coordinates with the artists, and she's made it possible for me to work from home. My mom checks on Rose regularly to make sure everything is okay, always bringing her a gift that makes her smile: onesies, teddy bears, hell, she brought us a crib. My dad has been shopping for us, bringing us groceries or whatever we need. They've always been supportive and helpful, but this just showed me once again how amazing they were.

This whole experience has taught me what's really important in life. Work can wait, exercise can wait, sleep can wait. All that matters is my family. I would give away everything I had if it meant Rose and my child would be safe and out of pain. They're all that matter.

It's also brought us even closer together. Sure, early on, it tore us apart a little bit, but now we're closer than ever, if that's possible. We exist in our little bubble, just the three of us. Being this way reminded me of why I fell in love with Rose in the first place. It wasn't about beauty or pleasure or anything superficial (but boy was she beautiful). It was about her resilience, her strength, her wisdom, even her stubbornness. And most of all, it was about how she made me a better person and husband each and every day.

I walked into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. "Can I get you anything?" I asked. I felt so hopeless so much of the time. I just wanted Rose to give me something, anything, to do to help her.

"I would love some tea," she said quietly. Her voice was slightly scratchy from the surgeries. Having oxygen masks and breathing tubes had altered her voice slightly, but there were still undertones of the soft voice I remembered.

I smiled, happy to do anything that would help her. I went to make her a cup of tea and brought it to her. "Here," I handed her the mug. "It might be hot."

She blew gently and then took a sip. She leaned her head back and handed me the mug, a look of satisfaction on her face. "That feels good."

"I'm glad," I whispered. I stroked her warm cheek. "How do you feel?"

"Okay," she smiled. "I've watched so much TV today."

I laughed. "What did you watch?"

"The Office, of course. I need to be able to understand those weird references of yours."

"Do you like it?" I asked.

"It takes my mind off everything. It's a good distraction."

I nodded. "So, listen, my mom is coming over later to do a blood test to find out the paternity."

She looked up at me suddenly. "What? Why?"

"Well, because I want to know," I said honestly. It wouldn't change anything for me, but I still wanted to know.

Rose looked down. "I thought it didn't matter to you."

"It doesn't," I took her hand, sensing that alarms were going off inside. "I just want to know."

"What if I say I don't want to know?" She asked. "What if I say that I'm not doing the blood test?"

I thought about how to answer. There was a time I would've fought her on it, but now was not the time. I just needed to be there for her. "I would support your choice," I shrugged. "I wouldn't force you to do something you weren't comfortable with, you know that."

She nodded. "Can I have a little time to think about it?"

"Of course," I smiled. I leaned over and kissed her cheek. "I have to do some work. Call me if you need anything."

"I will." She pulled me back and gave me a soft kiss. "I love you."

She must have said those three words to me a hundred times, but my heart still melted as if it was the first. "I love you too."

•••

It was later that night. I finished work, cooked, and convinced Rose to take a few bites of her dinner. Now, I was in bed next to her, holding her in my arms. Holding her made me feel like I had some control, as if I was protecting her from anything and everything. Something told me that something was bothering her. "Are you okay?" I asked. It felt like such a silly question, given the turmoil happening in her body.

"I'm just thinking," she said into my chest. She was breathing deeply; I could hear every inhale and exhale.

"About what?"

"Our conversation earlier." She pulled out of my embrace so that she could look at me. "Promise me it doesn't matter. The paternity, I mean."

I sighed. "Listen, I'd be lying if I said I didn't secretly hope it was mine," I began. "But I can tell you that I will love you and that baby unconditionally, regardless of whether or not it's my DNA. I promise you."

She looked at me and nodded. "I'll do it."

"Thank you," I whispered.

"Oh, and just for the record," she looked up at me and smiled. "I hope it's yours too." She took my hand and held it, running her slender fingers through mine and around my forearm. "Your blonde hair and blue eyes on our baby, and your smile and talent and everything."

I smiled and wrapped my arms around her, settling my hands on her baby bump. That little baby would be mine, no matter what.

•••

It was a week since Rose and I had given our samples to the genetics lab, and we were expecting the results any day now. "I'm going to check the mail," I told her. "I'll be back in a minute."

"Okay," Rose smiled. She kissed me, and I walked out the door.

I went downstairs and opened the mailbox with our apartment on it. There were a few catalogs, bills, magazines, and one mystery envelope. I furrowed my eyebrows as I checked the return address: Medical Genetics Institute.

"Oh my god," I said under my breath. I rushed back upstairs and into the apartment. "Rose, it's here."

"It is?" Rose asked through the bedroom door. "What does it say?"

I sat on the edge of the bed and handed her the envelope. "You should be the one to open it."

"Are you sure?" Rose asked.

I nodded nervously. "I don't think I can do it."

Rose slowly took the envelope from me and ripped it open. She unfolded the piece of paper and read the letter, her face remaining emotionless. I could hear my heart beating in my ears. "Okay," she said after a minute.

"Okay what?" I asked. "What does it say?"

She sighed and started to read. "The geneticist on your case is 99.9% certain that Jack Dawson is not genetically related to Rose Dawson's fetus." She looked up at me sadly. "It's Cal's."