Author's notes: more time skip

Part 18 - we're connected somehow

It was easy to get used to Dean, even when he sang loudly in the shower and took all the hot water, when he got bolder and decided he would rather listen to classic rock and roll and just switched from Sam's more country music with metallica without even asking Sam. Sure it got annoying after a little while but it meant Dean was feeling more at ease, letting his guard down and showing Sam this was who he was. He wasn't avoiding Sam even when he touched a hand to his shoulder to calm him down in the midst of a panic attack or waking him up from a particularly brutal nightmare.

It was like Dean was getting more comfortable in his own skin and it felt like a privilege to watch, like Sam was getting front row seats to witness something amazing. And suddenly, 8 months since Sam rescued Dean from that crappy bar in Oregon, it was like Dean was a completely different person.

He still had his moments. Still got nightmares and he'd freeze up at unwanted contact but Dean was beautiful and more confident and he walked with ease and grace and Sam wasn't sure how anyone could resist his charming smile that brightened his face and made his freckles stand out like the sun in a bright blue, cloudless sky, his green eyes dancing with amusement any time he caught Sam daydreaming.

Dean was perfect in every way, almost too perfect and Sam wondered if he even deserved having Dean in his life.

"Earth to Sammy," Dean's voice was loud and Sam had to snap out of his daze, frowning when he realized they were still in the diner. Dean looked amused. "What were you thinking there, champ?" he asked, licking the syrup off his lips.

Sam really wished he would stop being so damn distracting. He looked down at his own plate of pancakes, before stabbing his fork into it. Dean had taken to calling him 'Sammy' after the 6 month mark. It annoyed Sam somewhat because it made him feel like a kid again. His father used to call him 'Sammy' when he wanted to scold him like a 5 year old.

Sam sighed. "Nothing, man. You ever think there might be more to life than this?" he asked suddenly, swirling the pancake in some of the syrup that was on his plate.

"What are you talking about?" Dean asked in between bites, frowning as he tried to make sense of what Sam was asking.

"Like you ever want to do more than just hunt, Dean? I mean I know you didn't grow up in this life like I did. We've been hunting together for almost a year now and I don't think you've ever really talked about your life, uh, before," Sam said. He watched as Dean paused in his chewing.

After a moment, Dean shrugged and swallowed. "It never came up, I guess. I mean, I told you I was adopted when I was 8. I don't know my parents. I just know that Bobby told me he found me near the house, crying and lost, and after trying and failing to find my real parents for almost a month, he and Karen decided to take me in. I got enrolled in school, dropped out near my senior year of high school, when Bobby almost lost the house and decided to help him fix cars and get more customers coming in."

"Then you lost them to a demon," Sam finished softly.

Dean sighed, dropping the fork and pushing the plate away. He looked out the window, seemingly lost in his own thoughts. "Yeah, I could've made something of myself, Sam. But I decided to stay to help my parents. I loved them like they're my own parents, still do. And I mean I was 23 when the demon possessed Karen. Seemed a bit too old to go back and finish high school, you know?"

"You could've gone back to get your GED. You still could, you know. It's not too late," Sam said.

"I'm 27, dude," he shook his head and turned back to Sam. "And besides, I'm not going to just leave you after all we've been through."

"Why not?" Sam pressed. He wasn't sure why he was trying to push Dean away, but all he could think was that Dean had a life before all this, before the demon came and ripped it away. Sam had his chance at college and decided it wasn't for him, but Dean could get away from this, from Sam, before he got sucked in.

Dean recovered for the most part, he could go back and be a normal, functioning citizen in society again, get his GED, go to college or find a job repairing cars, find someone else to have a family with and live in a house with white picket fence, maybe get a dog or two. Whatever floated his boat. He could just leave this life behind him like it was just another chapter in a book.

"Dude, stop it," Dean told him firmly. "I don't know what's going on with you suddenly, but stop it. I'm not leaving your stupid ass behind and no, this isn't some kind of stockholm syndryme thing. I'm not staying with you because I have to. I know I don't owe you. Ok? I had a chance at a normal life and that was way before we met. I chose to stay, that was my choice. And this is also my choice. So don't go getting a damn martyr complex on me now. It really doesn't suit you, man."

Sam sighed in relief, secretly glad Dean didn't take the out. Sam took a bite of his pancakes. "Yeah, ok. Whatever. Can't say I didn't try, right?"

Dean just laughed. "Yeah, man. You tried alright. I'm just plain stubborn."

Sam grinned. "Are you trying to imply I'm not stubborn?"

"Oh come on, Sam. We both know you're stubborn as hell. But dude, you got nothing on me," Dean said.

Sam chuckled. "Fair enough."

Life continued as normal, or as normal as it got for a pair of wayward hunters. Which was fine with Sam because even when he pushed Dean to leave him, Dean decided to stay. So he knew, deep down, even when Dean didn't admit out loud, he felt this deep connection they had too.