Someone to stay

by Matt9717

"Sometimes you take unusual detours or parallel roads destined not to meet again. I hope it's not our case, but if it is, wherever I go, at any moment, I'll be with my hand outstretched, waiting for the heat of yours, to make sure that those two roads cross again." It's been two years since the breakup. Two years of silence. What happens now?

22. Chapter 22

~ Someone to stay ~

The Forum - 9.12 pm

Pov Beca

Okay. Okay. I can do it, I go on stage, one foot after another, maybe without stumbling, and I stand in the middle, behind the microphone shaft. It's simple. A few steps. Just like in rehearsals. Nothing special, just more than 10 thousand people who will look at me.

My God, I'm dying!

I turn trembling towards Blake who is by my side at the back of the stage. The guys are already out there entertaining the audience with some musical interlude. It seems that Tom doesn't suffer from performance anxiety, he's the first one to break the ice with the audience. I wish I could have a minimum of his confidence right now.

Hey ok! This is normal. Take deep breaths, and if you're impressed by all those people, well, I don't know. Imagine them in their underwear. If it can help you feel less embarrassed.

What? You're weird.

I answer her in a very anxious way, trying to calm my breath, while a boy from the crew approaches me to place the microphone headband behind my ear. God is really happening.

Okay, three minutes to go! Mitchell is ready.

I hear the same guy say opening communication with a walkie talkie, probably to inform the rest of the team that the concert will soon begin. If I had to look for a word that would describe me right now, I would probably find my face under sheer terror.

Okay, stop, look at me! Stop being like that. Repeat with me: I'm Beca Mitchell.

I'm Beca Mitchell, I'm Beca Mitchell...

I don't have the faintest idea why I'm listening to Blake and this nonsense to repeat my name, but at the moment I don't know what to do to calm me down, and the only chance seems to be that.

Keep repeating it in your mind, and think that all this is for you. They are your fans, don't be afraid. Okay?

She holds my shoulders tight with her hands in a reassuring way and looks me in the eye. I don't have to be afraid. They are here for me. Nothing bad will happen. I nod slightly to his words almost as if I was hypnotized and I notice how the boy from before, now has positioned himself next to the entrance of the stage, to keep the tent and let me pass in a few moments.

1 minute.

Both Blake and I turn to the voice that has warned how far it takes for me to make my entrance. 60 seconds. Even less.

This is my moment.

That's right, it's your moment. Go get'em, girl! I'll be here.

She throws a wink at me as I head towards the ladder that leads to the stage and wait for the boy next to me to give me the signal to enter.

Good luck miss Mitchell!

He whispers slowly while he opens the tent and I understand that it's time to go and join the Kids. I turn around and mime with my lips a thank you, before my legs took the initiative and started to move without me thinking about it at all.

I am initially dazzled by the headlights that are lighting the stage, I can hardly see who is in front of me. I feel like I'm in a sort of air bubble, where the sounds get muffled and I can't exactly understand what's going on. Whether it's real or not. Everyone applauds, whistles, screams my name, and in the background I can perceive the base of Bulletproof Vs Release me that follows my entrance. It's beautiful. I have my heart that seems to want to run away from my chest as fast as it beats, and now I have no control over any muscle in my body. It's as if I've put on the autopilot. It's like my brain knows what to do. My hands are high to be able to wave to those who came here tonight to see me, my face is tense, from the exact moment I set foot on the stage, in a smile that will probably cause me a dreadful pain in my cheeks. But because of that feeling, I could take any muscle pain. It's overwhelming. Unreal. I didn't think I'd ever be able to feel something like this in my life. It's all I've never had the courage to dream about, and now it's here, in front of my eyes. And it's for me. Come on Beca, win them over.

9.17 pm

Hi guys! How you doing?

I take the microphone from the pole in the middle of the stage, I know it's off at the moment and what works is the headband one, but having something to hold makes me calm. It's strange to hear your own voice so loud, but I hope that everything I say reaches everyone here. I wish I could hug everyone, one by one, starting with the guys who are waving in the front row behind the barriers, up to the last person in the stands. I have no words. All the anxiety and fear I felt a few seconds ago seems to have been reduced to a grain of sand. It is strange and almost impressive how the mind, and before it the body, immediately recognize when you are in the right place. It feels good. Free. And now, I couldn't ask for better.

Wow, guys, I don't know how your view looks like, but I can assure you that mine is amazing.

I smile so much that I almost feel the corners of my mouth reaching my ears. I swear, I've never smiled so hard, but I can't help it.

You're beautiful too!

I hear a girl screaming when the cheers have calmed down a bit and I can't hold back a laugh. My fans are bold.

I'll wait for you in the dressing room later!

I wink at her while I try to point with my index finger in the right direction from which I heard the scream. I hope I don't make crap figures in the first few minutes. I get a little closer towards the end of the stage, so I can get as close to people as possible. Fortunately, my eyes have become accustomed to the lights of the stage so the risk of falling or stumbling on my own feet, dodged.

Well, I don't know exactly what I should say right now... I didn't prepare a speech. Plus, my salivation is almost completely gone, so...be patient with me.

In response I hear laughter and cries of incitement, whistles of approval, let's say that it is not exactly the maximum of communication, but I think that so far maybe, I have not found anything more true.

Thank you guys, really. I've been on this stage for only 5 minutes and I'm already overwhelmed by what you're giving me. You're wonderful, and I'll probably never stop telling you tonight. I'm sorry if it can be banal, but really, if only it could be done, I'd get you up here, one at a time, with me to see what I see.

I don't have a fixed point to look at, and maybe that's the beauty of it. I can see some faces more distinctly than others, I see smiles, hearts made with hands, banners with my name on them, and it's as if a photograph was being created in my mind. One of those with the panorama function, where you take everything. Because I don't want to leave anyone out. Everyone is a fundamental part of this moment, everyone is important to me.

You know, I would have liked to have been on this stage earlier. I would have liked to have had this chance some time ago, surely what I feel right now would have helped in many situations.

I take a deep breath because I don't know where all this vomiting of words that I am carrying on will end up, but the only thing I am sure of, is that I want to be as sincere as possible with them. I don't want masks or pretenses. They have to know me for who I am. And who I was.

I haven't had an easy life, who has it anyway? Right?

I smile slightly while sitting on the edge of the stage, feeling my legs hanging and seeing how the first row behind the barriers tries in every way to get closer to me. It's a strange feeling to feel important for someone who doesn't know you at all. I don't know if I'll ever get used to it. And maybe I shouldn't.

I won't bore you by telling the story of my life, but I just want you to know how much this feeling I feel in my stomach, right now, someone calls it happiness, I don't know, it's rare for me. At least so far. And for that I have to thank you again. As well as the guys back here, my band, Blake, my bosses and all those who allowed it.

I turn around slightly to take a look behind me and notice the guys all with their thumbs up and big smiles on their faces.

It wasn't an easy path to get here, and I haven't really found a real reason why all this is happening to me yet, but I guess it had to be like this, so now it's up to you to bear me.

A little laughter is raised from the audience, and then it falls back into the silence of before. It seems almost absurd how more than 10 thousand people are with their mouths closed, at the same time, just to be able to listen to me.

I have been through situations that perhaps for a single life are too much, I have not had a canonical family, father, mother, sisters or brothers. It was just me and the walls of an institute for children, but fortunately now I have the privilege of having someone to have my back, now literally too.

I point with my thumb behind me, noticing how on the big screens at the sides of the stage is broadcasted the view of Amy, Blake, Ester and the other Bellas in the dim light of the bottom of the stage, who greet the camera with a smile, making me giggle. I don't know why, but seeing them all there, I was hoping that among their figures her figure would suddenly appear too. Poor dreamer.

I want you to understand that there is no difference between you and me. Almost certainly someone here has experienced what it means to be left behind, or to feel lonely, alone with yourself. I have felt it too. Maybe for most of my existence. The album, and the song that we are going to perform shortly, has this title not by chance. Someone to stay.

Pov Chloe

Chloe, are you okay? You've become pale.

I feel my mother's hand leaning gently on my back, while I'm more than focused on listening to Beca. My Beca. It's as if the world around me no longer exists, but I know I have to do something to get out of here.

Yes...I'm fine.

I get off the table so that I can get closer to television, almost as if I were in a trance and I could not turn my eyes away from what is being broadcast. I feel observed, I know that my behavior may seem senseless to them and that I will have to give an explanation shortly, but for now I just want to see how it ends.

(from TV - Beca) (A/N I'll write Beca in parentheses when Chloe hears her on TV)

I started writing this song right after a few days of my surgery. I was at home and I had this dream, which was not really a dream but a memory, and I relived what happened to me more than 2 years ago.

Oh, my God, that's when I went to her house to see her. Until now, I hadn't noticed how much my heart had started to beat fast and my hands had started to sweat. But I can't move a muscle. I'm paralyzed. And I think CK has noticed that since he approached me, in silence, to better understand what's going on.

(Beca)

There's this person, I won't mention names for privacy, but that's it...more than anyone else she made me realize what it means to be loved, and even hated. It was an evening in New York, we lived there, it was very cold. I remember it as if it were yesterday. There was a big fight, the ones you're afraid of even imagining the consequences, but I didn't know or maybe I was hoping that wasn't the last one, because it would only mean one thing.

I notice how she stopped for a moment, with her low gaze and the spotlight that illuminates her from above, creating the darkness around her. I feel my breath getting shorter and shorter, and my eyes starting to get moist. It hurts.

(Beca)

We gave up on each other. I don't want to say that she abandoned me because I don't think it would be fair, but the feeling is the same. I was left alone again. And well, the only sentence that came to mind at that moment was the sentence that then gave life to the song years later, and you'll soon understand what it is. Someone to stay is for people who like me, still today, hope for something.

I lift my eyes for a moment to cross them with CK at my side who seems more stunned than me, both with our mouths half open. In the meantime, my parents understood that there is something wrong in the air, and they also approached the living room where there is the TV, to get answers.

Chloe, what's going on? Why are you on the verge of crying?

Mrs. Beale-

How many times do I have to tell you to call me Anne? You are about to marry for God's sake, no more formal-

No, we're not.

I take advantage of this moment to finally throw everything out, I can no longer bear that my mother always resumes the issue of "marriage".

What? No what?

No, we're not getting married.

I look for a moment at CK who lowers his head and clenches his teeth, but immediately after he recovers and throws me a half smile, to make me understand that even if it hurts him, he will face this situation with me.

Are you guys kidding? Chloe?

My father rarely intervenes on my personal matters, but usually he does so only when my mother can't do it. And this is one of those moments. She's shocked, I should have seen this coming.

It's not a joke pa. There will be no marriage.

For what reason?

That's it... I-

It didn't work. We often fought and I'm almost never there for work, so we decided to give up before we made a mistake. Maybe we're better as friends. And she deserves better.

I turn around completely to Chicago, which is a little further ahead than me, as if it wanted to act as a shield against my parents. I didn't expect him to do and say that. I don't know if I can ever thank him enough.

Ck...

I whisper so that only he will hear me, and he responds to me in the same tone of voice.

It's okay.

We both take a deep breath waiting for any response from my mother, who is still motionless in the same position. She is the one that worries.

Richard, let's go. I could say something unpleasant at the moment.

She glances at us with a grim look, almost as if she wanted to strike us on the spot, but I can also see the pain hidden in her eyes. She cared so much about this event, that I would start building my own family. She cared about Chicago. It seems as if we had broken a dream for her.

Mom. I-

I can't say anything, I just see how both my parents turn their backs on me to get their stuff back and go. For God's sake, just what we need.

Chloe... Beca, on TV.

I'm diverted from my thoughts by CK who realized that Beca's first song is starting. Meanwhile, they had settled on stage and created the atmosphere with the lights. I should be there, why are I still here? I turn around to ask my former future husband to lend me the car keys and run away to her, but as soon as I hear the first notes of the melody I lock myself. I stay with one hand in mid-air, my body turned towards CK, but my eyes focused on the TV.

Pov Beca

This is really happening. I'm singing a song for her in front of thousands of people. I hope it's worth something.

You were alone left out in the cold

Clinging to the ruin of your broken home

Too lost and hurting to carry your load

We all need someone to hold

All memories strike me in a heartbeat. I can't even understand after 2 years how all this could have happened. It's really easy to lose someone, it takes a moment. And I would have preferred not to experience it at all.

You've been fighting the memory all on your own

Nothing worsens, nothing grows.

Two years of torment, two years of empty questions, no answer. There was no room for anything else. Just her and her damn eyes that still don't leave me.

I know how it feels being by yourself in the rain

We all need someone to stay

We all need someone to stay

I don't think I'll ever forget that day. Even with an amnesia in my brain, it was able to rise again. The rain. I guess I've never seen so much water fall from the sky as I did that time. And I was alone. With only tears, and pieces of heart in my hands.

Hear you, falling and lonely, cry out

Will you fix me up? Will you show me hope?

You're the only one who can do it. You're the only one who can put the broken parts in place. Please.

At the end of the day you were helpless

Can you keep me close? Can you love me most?

I look into the camera and imagine that maybe, if I'm a little lucky, she's looking at me now and maybe she'll understand how important she is to me.

I take a deep breath while the melody of the song continues in the background. I lower my eyes for a moment because I feel vulnerable at the moment, and especially because I got a knot in my throat and I just don't need it now.

You've drunk it down and you've spat it out

And nothing tastes like the things you had

I've tried to move on, to put her behind me, but no one is like her. And I'm not like when I was with her anymore.

So tear it off, why don't you let them go?

We all need someone to stay

We all need someone to stay

I cried a lot, too much, thinking that maybe it would end like this, it would be a temporary matter. But nothing has changed. And I simply can't let her go.

Hear you, falling and lonely, cry out

Will you fix me up? Will you show me hope?

Please.

At the end of the day you were helpless

Can you keep me close? Can you love me most?

I take the microphone and remove it from the pole so I can walk on stage and get closer to the audience. The guys are playing and harmonizing with the voices the musical interlude before the bridge. I reach the edge and now I am illuminated only by the white light, while everything else is dark. In front of me the show is beautiful. They're all with cell phone torches in their hands, as if they were so many little flames. So many little fireflies.

You were alone left out in the cold,

Clinging to the ruin of your broken home.

It's almost spoken, there's only a fixed chord on the keyboard that accompanies me in the background. But it almost sounds like I'm singing a cappella.

You were falling and lonely, cry out

Will you fix me up? Will you show me hope?

The end of the day and we're helpless

Can you keep me close? Can you love me?

I feel my heart in my throat and my eyes get watery. I almost whispered the last words. My throat is closed. I can't cry now. I don't have to. Beca, breathe. You're doing well.

Pov Chloe

Oh my God..

I whisper, bringing a hand at the level of my lips, touching them slightly, unintentionally. I realize only now that my face is streaked with tears, and it seems they don't want to stop for any reason. I have to go to her. I can't waste another minute more. I turn around and approach the coat rack at the entrance to retrieve my bag and the jacket I left hanging when I got back.

Chloe? Are you okay?

I think he's noticed I'm crying but I can't stop to explain myself now. I can't stop, I've wasted too much time. I quickly dry my eyes, in a vain attempt to stop the tears and I notice how CK is looking at me strange, and also a bit merciless.

Can you give me the car keys please?

Are you sure? you want me to drive-

Please CK.

I say to him in a decisive way, with swollen, red eyes, a low, flickering voice, and a hand outstretched towards him, waiting for him to hand them over to me. If I leave now I should arrive halfway through the concert. Or maybe the end. The important thing is that I go. I don't care where I get to, just as long as I get to her.

Okay... But be careful!

Thank you. Really.

I approach to hug him quickly on tiptoe, and then run to the front door with the car keys in my hand, ready to start the car immediately and get on the road. Fortunately, there are not many vehicles in the neighborhood, and I reach the highway in a few minutes. Needless to say, the speed at which I go is beyond the imposed limit, I know that it is wrong and especially in the condition of agitation in which I am is not the best, but now I just can not go slowly. I have to get there as soon as possible.

I turn on the radio so that I can continue to listen to the concert, imagining the movements and expressions that she makes while she sings or talks. I don't even need to close my eyes, it's like she's in front of me. And she's beautiful, but in reality she's even more beautiful. I was a fool. And I don't think I'll ever stop repeating it. Why didn't I believe her? Why didn't I let her talk that damn night in New York? Why didn't I give her a chance? I was really selfish. And I can't ever apologize enough.

She wrote a song about how she felt abandoned by me, about what she went through when it all ended. I focused so much on my pain that I never even thought that she might have felt any pain. I don't know how she could still want me. I don't know how she can love me. Actually, I don't know if she wants me, you can love someone but give up. And I hope that's not the case here, even though I'm really afraid that she may have given up on us a long time ago. Because of me. I just wish I could talk to the Chloe of 2 years ago and tell her to be more reasonable. Not to believe what the eyes have seen but to try to go further. To be a little more confident. As much as it hurt at the time. I would also slap myself so hard that I would remember that with my pride and selfishness I lost that love with a capital "L". And maybe even forever.

Damn it.

I try to make my way through the cars moving from one lane to another, but the more I go forward the more I realize that in front of me there has been an endless queue of cars, the beginning of which I can't even see.

Seriously? Are you fucking kidding me?

I swear out loud, slamming my hands on the steering wheel, and honking my horn if it ever serves any purpose. Nothing. Stuck in the middle of traffic for who knows what absurd reason. What the hell? It's a conspiracy. The forces of the universe, or whatever, have come to an agreement. How the fuck is it possible that every time I'm in a hurry there must always be something to get in my way? How? At this pace I don't even know if I'm going to get to The Forum. I can't even venture to change lanes so that I can take another path. I can't move. I'm surrounded, one car ahead, one next to, and one behind. It sounds like a joke. I almost laugh if it wasn't an extremely urgent situation.

Oh Man come on!

I still honk my horn, along with the other poor wretches like me trapped in this hellish circle, because that's what this is really about. Is this the punishment for waiting so long? Huh? God, Buddha, Allah, or whoever you are? Okay, I'll take it, that's fair, but the timing's not the best.

Oh, my goodness!

I put my head on the steering wheel in my hands because I know it will be hours before I get out of here. Can one be more of a loser than that? I try to look for the phone in my bag, I would like to send her a message, or try to call her so that I can leave a message on the voice mail, anything to let her know that she is in my mind and that I have not forgotten about her. That I'm going to see her. But of course, according to Murphy's law, if something has to go wrong, it's more than certain it's going to get worse. My iphone? No sign of it. Neither in the bag nor in the jacket. Nowhere. Almost certainly on the table at the entrance to home.

Fuck!

I throw a scream of exasperation because seriously, it's not normal to forget the phone when it's vital, get stuck in the LA traffic when you should already be somewhere else and guess what? It's even starting to rain. Congratulations, really. I don't even have an umbrella, I haven't changed, I smell like clinic sanitizer and if it doesn't stop raining I'll be wet from head to toe. I couldn't ask for better. Not to mention the loose makeup and the marked dark circles under my eyes.

I'm a mess.

I sigh, trying to remove the mascara from my eyes with my fingers as I look at myself in the rear-view mirror. All I have to do is wait. I can't do anything else, I would even leave my car here, in the middle of the highway, but in spite of myself, it is more than 10 km and even if I'm one that keeps in shape, it is really too many. In the meantime they sent the traffic news on the radio and it seems that there has been a chain car accident, and the queue is more than 3 km long. And I guess I'm even beyond that distance. Damn it.

Okay, Chloe, you'll get to her, no matter how long it takes, but you'll be there in no time.

It may seem stupid seen from the outside, but talking out loud to yourself is sometimes a great help to calm down. And I definitely need to do that because otherwise I could freak out at any moment. I just have to concentrate on my breathing and wait. Everything will be fine. Yes.

12.30 am - on highway of LA

After finally 3 hours of queue, 3 fucking hours, they managed to make the traffic flow and now we are moving, albeit at moderate speed. I'm very tired, my eyes are burning and my stomach has given up complaining about hunger. I don't even know what time I will arrive at The Forum, but almost certainly the concert will be over at that moment, or it will be about to end. I swear, I would like to have the teleport and be there already. The rain didn't allude to stopping, on the contrary maybe it increased as well. The only thing that fills the silence that surrounds me is the sound of the windscreen wipers that move rhythmically, forward and back, forward and back. As sleepy as I am, they could also hypnotize me and I'd collapse instantly. But I have to stay focused. I can't afford to give up now. I have waited 3 hours, no, 2 years, I cannot give up right now.

Come on Chloe, come on!

I whisper to myself because honestly a little encouragement at the moment is needed. And having no one to call to, I have to be stuck with myself.

In 1 km, keep to the right.

I hear the metallic voice of the GPS device that gives me directions on the route. I notice that there are approximately 15 minutes to go before I reach my destination. It seems they never pass, especially because the anxiety to meet her is felt more now, that I'm getting closer and closer. I tried to think of something to say to her, but I couldn't formulate a sensible speech, or one that might impress her. I don't even know how to do it, I don't even know if she'll want to talk to me. What if I say something wrong? What if in the last few weeks she has gone ahead and doesn't want to see me anymore? If she has found someone? No. No Chloe. She wrote you a song, even if it wasn't really a dedi- stop! I'm panicking. It's okay, I'll go to her, I'll tell her how I feel, hoping not to faint on the spot and everything will go well. Yes. Okay, maybe I have to think about some things with more confidence.

Finally I arrive at The Forum, but of course not to miss anything and especially not to add other difficulties in this evening, the parking lot of the stadium is almost completely empty. Which means that the concert is over and people are already almost all gone, maybe even quickly due to the unceasing rain.

However, it is likely that she is still there, that maybe she stopped in her dressing room with the others to celebrate. It's a possibility, even more than a real one. Isn't that what singers do? Right? I stop the car as close as possible to the entrance and get off immediately in order to enter the hall of the stadium. The lights are all dimmed, at the ticket office there is no longer anyone but I notice not far from me a gentleman with a cleaning trolley, who certainly did not hear me enter.

Hello?

He quickly raises his eyes from the floor since he was sweeping, and jumps slightly because it is obvious he didn't expect anyone at this hour.

Hello young lady. What are you doing here? The concert is over.

Well..I see, uhm.. Do you happen to know where I can find Beca Mitchell? Is she still here?

I notice how the gentleman, with his silvery hair and deep wrinkles, smiles at me, I don't know exactly why, but he has something that can calm me down for a moment.

There is no one here anymore, Miss. Just me and my old bucket. Is there anything else I can do for you?

Oh... Good. Um... I'm not sure you can do much else then. Thank you.

I greet him and then turn around and head towards the exit defeat, tired, and even angry. With myself for waiting so long, for wasting time. There's nothing I can do properly. I'm a desperate case.

Young lady?

I turn to the gentleman with one hand holding the front door half open. What does he want now? I don't answer, I just look at him and wait for him to continue.

If my old ears aren't wrong, I think I heard that they were going to celebrate at the Hilton Hotel. You can try it there.

He throws a wink at me and immediately starts cleaning the floor again, while a spontaneous smile is born on my face. A joy, on this day totally to be thrown away. Maybe it's not all lost time, maybe they're really there. I don't waste time saying goodbye to him and I run to the car to reach the Hilton hotel. It's not far from here, I have to hurry. This is my chance. It's only 15 minutes by car, if I push the accelerator a bit even less. Today I'm really risking, if I don't get a fine tonight, I don't think it could happen anymore.

I arrive at the hotel in 10 minutes. I don't know what celestial force had compassion for me, but I didn't find anyone on the street and especially the traffic lights I caught them all green, or yellow. Never red. A blessing every now and then. I get out of the car running, hoping for a vain attempt not to get wet from head to toe, but obviously at the moment I have all my hair wet, my shoes soaked along with the jacket. It looks like I got out of a washing machine. A nice way to introduce yourself in a multi-starred, international hotel, frequented by elite people only. But at the moment I don't care. That's not what I need to be intimidated about now, but more a rejection by Beca. If she's here.

Hello, madam. Is there anything I can do for you?

One of the receptionists kindly asks me in a low voice, since it is 1 a.m. and it is supposed that there should be no one around at this time.

Yes, hello. I'm Dr. Chloe Beale, Miss Mitchell called me urgently to check on her..uh, cat. She doesn't seem well. Can you tell me which room she is in?

I answer her by showing her my clinic badge, which fortunately I always have in my purse. I have no idea why I have the badge and not the phone, but these are details. I just hope she buys it, and above all I hope she's here. Otherwise great crappy figure.

Oh... Well in this case, better not make wait for a celebrity like Miss Mitchell. Down the hall to the right are the elevators. 7th floor, room number 715.

Thank you.

I address a friendly smile to the receptionist and then start first in a normal way, then quickly to the elevator. They clearly have security issues, but who cares. God, my heart is in my throat. And my hands start shaking. What if she's in company? In that sense? I think I can pass out and die instantly. Then recover and kick the shit out of whoever's with her. Okay, Chloe, you're overreacting. 4-5-6.. Hell, I'm here. I hear the sound of the elevator indicating the doors are opening and as soon as I enter the hallway the light is automatically switched on. It's a beautiful hotel, it's no wonder they chose this one to celebrate. My feet walk alone, as if they knew where to go, and in fact in less than 10 seconds I find myself behind her door, staring at that number lacquered in gold, in contrast to the dark door. Okay, take a deep breath, and at my three knocks. 1..2..3.

I don't get an answer. Maybe she's sleeping. Or she's doing something else.

No. I don't want to imagine it that way. Maybe she's taking a shower and hasn't heard. Yes, I'm sure it is so. I just have to wait a while. I've done it so far, let alone if a few more seconds make a difference.

Okay, no. That's not true, it makes a difference. In fact now I knocked a bit louder hoping to make me hear, and especially hoping not to wake up any of the rooms next door.

Jesus, I'm coming.

I hear her voice muffled by the walls, but it certainly doesn't bode any good. No Chloe, nothing good at all. What a timing.

What the fuck-? Chloe!

Hi.

Pov Beca

Okay, am I dreaming or is Chloe, that Chloe, here at the door of my hotel room, soaking up, at 1 a.m.? What the hell is she doing here?

H-hi, er... Hi! Wh-what are you doing here?

It's definitely unexpected. Very unforeseen. But I've seen this scene once before and it didn't end well. And I don't want a second act.

I, uh... I, it took me a long time to get here.

Okay?

I frown my brows and look at her in a suspicious way, because I don't really understand what she wants from me at this exact moment, especially because I was ready to go to sleep as in exactly 4 hours I am flying to New York. She seems nervous, what's the matter with her?

Yes, I... I know it's not important but- um, never mind. I, did I bother you?

At 1 a.m.? Absolutely.

Okay, maybe I should have been a little less of a bitch, all the more so because she seems really in distress. But I couldn't hold myself back. Whatever it is, she should hurry up. I don't have all night.

Oh... Yeah. You're right, I'm sorry, I would have called you sooner but I forgot my cell- uh.. you know? It's okay... I'm sorry... Uh, goodnight, I'm - yeah, goodnight.

I see her lowering her eyes and walking backwards for a few steps to then turn around and continue towards the elevator. What's wrong with her?

Chloe? What's the problem?

She stops in the middle of the corridor, with her clothes dripping and her head down, before turning completely towards me, almost hurt, angry, I wouldn't even know how to describe her.

You! You're the problem!

Excuse me?

You heard me right. It's you. It's always been you. I should have known earlier, but I was such an idiot that I didn't realize anything.

Chloe, what the fuck are you saying?

She approaches me pointing her finger at me, it seems almost threatening and I sincerely don't hide the fact that some anxiety is being felt, especially since we are talking aloud in the middle of the corridor, at night. What's her problem?

I love you. That's what I am saying. I'm fucking in love you, and I'm angry because you are so beautiful and you mean so much to me, and I was supposed to say things less cheesy and you deserve better than me, and I should have figured out all of this way longer before now... And... I'm sorry to have hurt you two years ago, and in these months... And, I do not know what to say anymore... I.. I'm sorry.

I think I don't know how to breathe now. What did she say? Did I get that right? Does she love me? How? When? What happened? Does she feel fine?

I.. Uh, what?

I see her moving closer to me, until she's just a few inches away. She's breathtaking. Even with her hair all wet and her eyes tired and full of tears. Is this really happening?

I've been wrong many times. I failed to listen to you when I had to, and I failed to love you as you deserved. Probably, or rather, surely, I won't be at your height, I won't be able to give you everything you've given me since the first moment we met at the activity fair, but I'm sure of one thing.

She looks down and takes my hands with hers, and I can't help but notice how cold they are. Maybe even more than mine. She stares at them for a moment and then locks her gaze with mine. I feel like I'm paralyzed. If it's a dream, don't wake me up.

It hasn't passed, and there will never be a day in my life not loving you, and from now on, I won't waste a single moment not trying to prove it. Even if you don't want me. I'll be there anyway, 'cause... Because I love you. Too much to let you go.

I don't know what my expression is like at the moment, but my brain is dead. I can't think of anything meaningful, a sentence, nothing. Black-out.

Please say something.

I didn't notice that several seconds of silence had passed, in which all I did was staring at her, but actually I wasn't looking at her. I'm trying to process the bomb she dropped, of which not even in my most fervent hopes I would have imagined it this way.

I... In 4 hours I have a flight.

Oh... Okay.

Of all the thousands of things you could have said to her, this Beca? Really? What's wrong with you? And now Chloe has left my hands, and has moved away from me with a slight smile on her lips that I know hides all the pain of not having received the answer she wanted. She's probably thinking that I haven't heard a word she's said, or she's taking my sentence as "I don't care". For God's sake, could some neurons who saved themselves help me, please? Thank you.

Um... I should go.

No Chloe, wait!

She had already turned around so she could leave, but I stopped her from her wrist and pulled towards me. It can't happen again. I'm tired of it.

I... Do you really love me?

We are so close that maybe only a thread would pass between us. I can feel her breath hurl on my lips, and her shy hand resting on my arm. She seems almost afraid to touch me. The other arm is held by my grip, as if I wanted to be sure in case she decides to turn around and go away, that she can't do it. Not anymore. Her gaze switches between my eyes and my lips, as does mine. I feel my heart exploding in my chest, it seems as if it were beating the seconds that pass waiting for a nod. Please don't make this a joke.

More than anything in the world.

She says it in silence, with a broken voice, sure that I hear her enough. I can no longer hold myself back and release her arm from my grip, just to be able to move my hand on her face and kiss her. God, I missed her. I can't believe this is really happening. It's as if I triggered an automatic mechanism, as soon as our lips touched, our bodies seemed to have been allowed to act on their own. Her arms are back in place, on my waist, and they hold me more tightly than ever. Like mine, which have intertwined behind her neck and I think they will never move from there again. Our lips seek each other out, move in sync, and her tongue doesn't wait long before it ties in with mine. I feel her tears slide on her cheeks, and blend with mine. I had missed her smell, her taste, her short breath for the air that is missing. It's a needy kiss, which doesn't spare itself. I wish I could recover all the time spent in this moment, in this kiss, I wish it could never end. Just as I would never want to leave her embrace, even though I am becoming soaked too. I don't care. If this is the price I have to pay to be in her arms, I could be in the relentless rain for the rest of my life.

I love you.

I'll tell her as soon as we move away for a moment, to be able to catch our breath, staying with our heads close. We don't want to split, we can't. We have spent too much time away, and now is no longer bearable.

Do you?

I've never stopped, Beale.

She catches me by surprise by sticking her lips to mine, literally taking my breath away. I slowly go back to be able to enter the room, even though there is no one in the hallway, I don't want them to see us. Not now. It's too important for me to be able to even imagine that someone might be watching.

We don't drift apart even for a second, she follows my movements and eventually, almost unintentionally, I block any of her escape routes she might have, carrying her with her back against the door and my body on her.

Looks like you're stuck.

I whisper to her looking at her for a moment. I still find it hard to believe that she is really here, that she has declared her love for me and that she is really trying. It sounds surreal. She's beautiful.

I couldn't have asked for better.

She answers with a smile, God, how much I missed her smile. I can't refrain and I just kiss her again, it's as if I have something inside my chest that pushes me towards her. I want every inch of her face covered by my kisses, her eyes, her cheeks, her chin. Everything. She keeps smiling and I think my heart is about to burst. It's been too long since I felt this way and I thought I wouldn't have the chance any more.

Is it all true, Chlo?

I ask her with a slight note of hesitation in my voice, and she seems to have understood my emotional state at the moment. As if she wanted to reassure me, she brings a hand on my face to gently caress me, stopping with her thumb at the corner of my mouth.

-I'm here to stay. My place is here, it always has been. And I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out.

-I don't care. Don't go away again.

I tell her in a low voice, looking her straight in the eyes, and then I lift myself slightly on the tips to be able to kiss her better. I wrap my hands around her face and don't wait a second before I catch her lips again. I can't help it. It looks like a drug. I don't think I'll ever be able to stop.

We get close to the bed, a few steps from the door, and in the meantime I take off her jacket soaked in water and let it fall on the ground. She seems to have understood what is about to happen, and I hear her take off her shoes to abandon them as it happens on the floor, along with mine. I was afraid to dream of this moment because I was sure it would never happen again, because it would hurt me more than a knife in the chest. But now she is here, in front of me with short breath and desire in her eyes. And I think I'll be on fire soon as long as I want her. I don't think twice about it and I take off her shirt tossing it somewhere in the room, and what I see makes me instantly immobilize. I can't believe I'm having the privilege of holding a piece of art in my arms. Because that's what she is. And my eyes will never be tired of her.

See anything you like?

She asks me with a provocative smile on her face, and I immediately look up and feel my cheeks flaming. What a bitch.

You... You're beautiful.

I answer her without taking my eyes off her, noting how now it is her turn to feel embarrassed. And she's even more beautiful. Is it possible? Well, yes, if it's her, everything is. I slowly approach her by moving my hands to the level of her shoulders, fearing even to touch them. I am so focused on observing every inch of her alabaster skin that I don't realize that her fingers have clung to the hem of my t-shirt, hesitant whether to take it off or not.

Are you sure?

She asks me in a trembling voice, looking for a permission that I have already granted her in my mind since the first moment I laid eyes on her.

Yes, make love with me. Please.

She kindly lifts my arms to be able to take out that insignificant piece of clothing, and then pushes me gently onto the bed, with her warm body in contact with mine. No need for words, that's all here, the mind off and hearts on. The silence of the room is filled only with our breaths, the noise of our kisses, of us.

If they had asked me as a child what love was, I would probably have said it didn't exist. Because in all honesty it's true. It's not real, you can't touch it, you don't know what it's like.

If I had to give an answer now to that question, I would remain of the same idea. Because it's like that, you can't see it, but I would add one thing.

Love can be many things, a smile from a passer-by, a hug from a friend, looking in the mirror and liking each other. You can't see it, but you can feel it. You can feel your heart beating, your hands tingling, your breath cut off. And then, you can describe it.

Ocean eyes.

For me this is love.

Chloe Beale.

You know, some loves can make endless journeys, but eventually, they come back.

And she's back.

The end.

The song that Beca sings in this chapter is "Someone to stay" by Vancouver Sleep Clinic. If you want, listen it. It is the one that gives me inspiration to start writing this story. Thanks to everyone who has read it till the end. Bye guys.