Chapter 19 – New Normal

Initially, I thought Irina was forcing herself on Rosalie the way she had me, however I soon realized it was so much deeper than that. It wasn't just an isolated physical assault; it was emotional manipulation…

"Can I ask you something?" I asked Rosalie the first chance I had her alone. "Are you a lesbian?" I knew it was none of my business, but if Irina was taking advantage of her fragile emotional state, I felt the need to attempt to help her.

Rosalie became immediately uncomfortable, so I had to apologize.

"I'm sorry, I just remember you mentioning your ex-boyfriend before, so I was a little surprised that you and Irina became a couple. But you don't owe anyone an explanation, so please feel free to tell me to leave you alone if I'm overstepping."

"No, it's okay," she replied quietly. "I did do some…experimenting with girls in college, but I never considered myself a lesbian. It was more like drunken curiosity before," she admitted hesitantly. "But Irina has been so kind and understanding with me. I don't even really know how it happened, but…." She let her words trail off when Seth came bouncing through the house.

Clearly, in my mind at least, based on the few words she did say, Irina had taken advantage of Rosalie, but I didn't understand the full control she had over her until a few days later…

"Bella, I just want to apologize to you," Rosalie told me softly. Sam and I had been enjoying the beautiful weather outside, in our favorite spot under the tree, when she approached me alone and somewhat timid.

"Um, apologize for what?"

"Our conversation the other day. We got cut off, but I'm glad we did; I didn't understand your feelings towards Irina so I didn't realize you were upset."

"Huh?" I asked, feeling as though I was missing the punchline to some sort of horrible joke.

"Irina told me about your relationship with her," she said, only confusing me even more.

"Rosalie, I really have no idea what you're talking about."

"I know, Irina told me not to bring it up to you because it's too painful, but I just feel so guilty about it."

"About what?" I asked, getting increasingly frustrated.

"About being with her knowing how you feel. Irina said you two developed strong feelings for each other, and you wanted to be together, but you were already pregnant with Edward's baby and felt trapped."

"Uh…" I was speechless, but even without words, I could feel the muscles in my face tighten into an unusual expression. It was probably somewhere between shocked, appalled, and furious – or perhaps a mix of all three. Whatever shape my face was in, it made Rosalie pause, and then she hesitantly reached over and stroked my arm, assumedly in an attempt to comfort me.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," she said sincerely. "I can see the hurt in your eyes, but I felt the need to ask you for forgiveness. I just hate knowing I'm causing anyone pain, so if it's too hard for you to see us together, I'll back off."

I wanted to jump up and go attack Irina right then and there, but my head was spinning and my hormones were all going crazy, so for whatever reason, I found myself laughing. It was utterly ridiculous and I couldn't believe Irina had that much audacity.

"Um, are you okay?" Rosalie asked concerned as my laugh reached my belly.

"Oh Rosalie, I promise you, I have never had a twinge of romantic feelings for Irina," I told her the moment I was able to speak through my hysterics. "I have no idea why she is lying to you…well, I mean, I know why. She is trying to manipulate you, and apparently, it's working, but I cannot even begin to comprehend why she is dragging me into it. When she first got here, she tried to force herself on me. I pushed her off. It happened a second time and I threatened to drive her back to the Amish myself if she did it again. Now she has her hooks in you, and I can only hope you realize it before you get hurt again."

Rosalie was visibly upset and confused by my words, but whatever defense or falsified excuse Irina gave her, must have been convincing because the two of them stayed together. In fact, they were so together that I rarely ever saw them apart. When Irina was in the bathroom, Rosalie was alone in the bedroom with the door locked. When they were out together, Irina was always holding onto Rosalie in some way. Her hand, her arm, her thigh, her shirt. Rosalie didn't make a move without Irina right there practically on top of her.

Despite Emmett knowing he didn't have a chance with Rosalie romantically, he still felt a connection and sense of responsibility towards her, so at dinner one evening, he attempted to start a conversation.

"So, how have you been feeling?" he asked her gently.

"She feels fine!" Irina snapped at him.

Emmett ignored her and continued to try to engage a conversation with Rose. "I'm excited for the veggies in the garden to be ready. I'm not sure how much more of this mush in a can I can take."

A slight smile played on the corner of Rosalie's lips, but it was soon washed away by Irina's hostility. "We are all sick of canned green beans, so what's your point? Maybe if you jackasses would stop fooling around all the time and actually help, we would have a lot more fresh food."

"Hey now, we have been working nonstop with limited tools to try to expand this house to make it more comfortable for all of us," Pete interjected.

"We don't need a bigger house to live; the garden should come first."

"That's easy for you to say when you have a nice private bedroom to sleep and fuck your girlfriend in," Seth retorted. "We are crammed in a small space and sleeping on the floor!"

"Again, you don't need more room to live," Irina maintained snootily. "And what kind of men are you anyway? Why haven't any of you gone hunting or found us some livestock? There is no reason for us to be living in squalor like this."

"You want us to go hunting?" Seth spat. "For what? Gopher?"

"There is a reason we picked this particular area to settle in," Edward explained. "There aren't many wild animals around here. Bella and I had a run in with an infected deer, and it certainly wasn't fun. It's only a matter of time until the virus spreads to more wildlife, so we need to stay in areas like this that are less of a risk to us."

"Well, that's stupid," Irina disagreed. "Infected animals are still animals. Just cook the meat longer and it should be safe to eat."

"Irina, the animal was putrid," I told her. "It smelled like rotting flesh. It took a lot of bullets to bring it down, and once it was down, it was inedible."

Irina rolled her eyes. "Sure. You know, Bella, one day you are going to realize why it's wrong to just agree with everything the men say. Someday you'll find your voice, but by then, it's going to be too late."

I shook my head at her incredulously, but decided it was pointless to argue any further.

As the days progressed into weeks, Irina's hold on Rosalie never lessened. She would pull her along everywhere she went and rarely let her speak for herself. As much as I hated seeing it, there wasn't anything any of us could do to stop it. Rosalie was choosing to be with her, and regardless of my belief that she was being manipulated, we couldn't take that choice from her. However, the longer it went on for, the smaller Rosalie's voice and presence in our group became. They would eat in the bedroom or outside away from everyone, and without even realizing it, it had been weeks since I had interacted with Rosalie at all.

"Has anyone talked to either of them recently?" I asked the guys one evening.

They all shook their heads no. "I bumped into Rosalie the other day on accident," Seth said. "I apologized, but she just sneered at me and said I did it on purpose. If you ask me, they are both bitches and deserve each other."

"I'm not sure why we are even allowing them to have the only bedroom here, when they don't even want to be members of our group," Pete grumbled.

"I'm thinking about seeing if they want the motorhome," Edward said, which at first upset me since that was our place, but I quickly realized it was probably for the best. We liked the guys, and they didn't. It made more sense for us to be in the house and for Irina and Rosalie to have more space.

At first Irina was resistant to the move, since the motorhome was far less secure than the house, but a few days later, seemingly out of the blue, they agreed to switch spaces with Edward and me.

"I think she is up to something," I mused as we settled into the bedroom once again. I had spent the last couple hours washing the bedding and scrubbing all the surfaces of that room, just to make sure all of Irina's cooties were gone, but I couldn't shake the weird feeling I got from being back in there.

"What could she be up to?" Edward asked, far less concerned than I was. "I mean, besides her normal plight to control Rosalie."

"I don't know, it just seems weird that she was so angry and resistant to the idea of moving out to the motorhome, but then suddenly changed her mind. I just have a bad feeling about it."

"Well, you need to push that bad feeling away and only focus on good feelings," he said seductively before kissing his way down my body. When he reached my stomach, he kissed my navel and then caressed my abdomen with his fingertips. "Are you sure you're pregnant?" he asked, suddenly sounding unconvinced. "I would have thought you would be poking out by now."

"How long has it been?" I asked unsure.

"I don't know, like six months," he guessed.

"It has not been six months," I disagreed with a laugh. "Four, at the most."

He let out a long sigh. "Sometimes it feels like it's been a lifetime since the world ended. The other day I randomly thought about my dad, but do you know what? I couldn't picture his face. I tried and tried and I just couldn't do it."

I ran my hand through his hair and pressed my forehead to his. "He will come back to you," I murmured. "After my mom died, I went a whole year where I couldn't picture her, but then suddenly, out of nowhere, I saw her again. It was a quick flash of her smiling at me, and then I was able to hold on and I haven't lost her face again."

"Yeah, but you have all kinds of good memories of your mom," he retorted gently. "My dad worked so much that I'm starting to wonder if I ever really knew him at all. Maybe I'm beginning to forget him because he was never much of a presence in my life in the first place. Funny enough, Esme was the biggest parental figure in my life, and I only knew her for a couple years." He chuckled at a memory. "Damn, did I hate her rules."

I smiled at the thought of my aunt. "Well, cuz, she was so excited to be a parent to you," I told him fondly. "I remember my dad telling her you were a teenager and not some toddler. She didn't care. She always wanted to be a mom, and you were her only chance."

"It's weird to think of how things were before, and how much has drastically changed since," he said while running his fingers through mine to hold my hand. "It seems so long ago, but at times it feels like yesterday and I'm wondering how we got here."

"The world ended," I told him as if he genuinely forgot. "And we've fought like hell to survive."

"What if it only gets harder?" he whispered, as if it was too difficult of a question to ask any louder. "So many things can go wrong."

"You mean in childbirth?" I questioned. "Women have been surviving births since the beginning of time."

"They've also been dying in childbirth since the beginning of time," he countered.

"Pete is going to do whatever he can to help me through it."

"The birth is just the beginning of our challenges. It's only a matter of time before more infected people or animals find us here. Maybe the baby crying will draw them in. Maybe they'll never come, but how long can we last here without food? The local store is already running out of non-perishables."

"Then we will go to the next town," I said, refusing to allow myself to worry. "And the garden will start sprouting soon. Potatoes got the Irish through the famine; they will get us through this. And if the zombies come here, then we will just fight them off the way we did before. Everything is going to be okay – just like you have told me since the beginning of all this."

Edward absently nodded his head. "You're right. I don't know why I'm being such a pessimist right now."

I kissed his temple. "You're allowed to lose faith every once in a while, and I will continue to help you get back on track."

"I'm not losing faith…" he caressed my stomach. "I'm just scared. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you again."

I wished it was possible to assure him that he would never lose me, but in the world we lived in, losing each other was a very real possibility. All we could do was live our lives, one day at a time, and do everything in our power to stay safely together.

…

Surprisingly, things around our home seemed to settle into a new normal. Irina and Rosalie moved their motorhome a little further from the house and they mainly kept to themselves, thus allowing the rest of us to relax again. Emmett was slowly starting to move on and get passed his unrequited feelings for Rose, and the addition to the house was coming along remarkably well.

When we had our first harvest from our garden, we ate the produce feeling like we were indulging in a delicacy. Those veggies honestly made us feel so much healthier and only added to my confidence that everything was going to be okay. Day after day, we continued on and learned to navigate our new world. Despite the boys wishing they had romantic partners, we shared laughs and some sincerely good moments. We were more than surviving, we were starting to live again, and that was truly a remarkable thing.

Of course, in a post-apocalyptic world, getting too comfortable was a mistake…

"So, I think we might be bringing home a new guest," Edward told me one evening.

"What do you mean?"

"Emmett and Pete want to cure a zombie in town."

"The fast red head loner?" I assumed. "But why?"

"Well, I guess they went out there after we went to bed last night, just to check on the local zombie activity. They said they only saw that one and think the others have moved on or even died off. They just feel it isn't right to leave him there alone to suffer when we could cure him. If it was still a large group we wouldn't even consider it, but with only one, it seems cruel not to."

I nodded. "So, when are they doing it?"

"We're going to go in the morning when he'll be less active. That way it will avoid any possibility of others hiding somewhere and being able to surprise-attack us."

I kept nodding. "So, you're going too?"

"I'm sure Emmett and Pete can handle it by themselves – hell, Pete could handle this alone, but just to be extra careful I'm going to go back them up. This guy in particular has proven to be more agile than most we come across, so it's better safe than sorry "

"And I'm assuming I need to stay here," I said, trying like hell not to sound like I'm pouting. Edward often went into town without me, but knowing he was going there to purposely engage with a zombie had me nervous. It was nothing they hadn't done before with the Amish, and they were all immune, but for whatever reason, it made me uneasy.

"It won't take long," he told me. "Seth thinks he knows where it hides during the day, so we will send Emmett in there and then we will have another member of our little tribe here."

"Hopefully he's friendly. If we get another Irina type then we are going to regret saving him."

"I don't regret bringing Irina here. She is unpleasant, but at least she isn't a prisoner of a religion she doesn't believe in. No one deserves that."

I sighed. "I know, but we know nothing about this guy. He could be horrible."

"Emmett and Pete could have been horrible too. It's just a chance we need to take."

Once again, I nodded.

The guys left early the next morning, and regardless of knowing they would be okay, I couldn't help but have a bad feeling that something horrible was about to happen. I made them take Sam for added protection, since he was the best zombie detector we had, but I couldn't shake that awful feeling.

"Where did the guys run off to?" Irina asked with resentful curiosity as she emerged from the motorhome. After I explained the situation, her blatant disdain for the guys only grew. "So, let me get this straight – their answer for the lack of vaginas for their cocks to unload in is to bring home another cock?"

"The guy is alone," I told her, unsurprised that she was heartless.

"Do you think he actually cares?" she retorted. "Rosalie remembers nothing from her time as a demon, so what is so special about this one that makes it worth saving over the countless others in this godforsaken world?"

"Nothing," I replied. "Nothing except for the fact that we can save him, and that's something. It's impossible to save everyone, but if we could, we would, so since this guy is alone, we are going to save him."

"I have never known anyone stupider than you," she told me. "Even if these guys haven't assaulted you yet, doesn't mean this other guy won't. You could be inviting a rapist into our home."

"Giving someone the benefit of the doubt, and choosing to hope for the best in people, is not stupid," I argued. "It's being human. Have you honestly lost your human compassion, or have you just never had any to begin with?"

"I have human compassion, but I also know how men work. This is the apocalypse. We are going back to our primal days. Lawless days where men were led by their barbaric instincts and took what they wanted. Mark my words, Bella, it's only a matter of time before we are living with cavemen. You might not be concerned for yourself, but you should at least be worried about your child."

"My child's best chance at survival is staying with these men that can protect it."

"They'll protect it all right, and do whatever they want to it as payment for that protection."

"You're sick," I told her. "Seriously, you're fucking delusional."

I vaguely heard the door to the motorhome open, and somewhere behind my disgust with Irina I knew Rosalie had come outside, but I couldn't even turn to look at her. Irina needed to knock that shit off and show a little respect.

"Those men that you hate so much, saved you from the life you loathed with the Amish. They saved Rosalie too, and…"

"They saved Rosalie because they wanted to breed with her," Irina retorted. "And you'll never convince me that they're not still planning on it. Just wait and see. It's only a matter of time."

"You're fucked up in the head, Irina. You really are. Why are you two even still here if you hate the guys so much? Just go and find your own space."

"And abandon the garden I worked so hard on?"

"You can grow another garden. Take some seeds and go!"

Irina pretended to consider it, and then she nodded. "You're right. Waiting for a new garden is much better than waiting to be raped. Is everything ready?" she asked Rosalie.

I finally turned to look at Rose, who had an extremely troubling expression on her face.

"What's wrong?" I asked her, but she just looked back at Irina with unspoken fear.

When I looked at Irina questionably, I watched her nod strangely, and suddenly I felt a pair of cold fingers on my neck. There was immediate pressure, and then everything went dark…