Mom,
Okay I lied. I haven't grown out of my crush on Zuko. I tried really badly to get over him but I kept thinking about his dumb face and the first letter he sent me which was really nice. And then the last letter he sent me . . . well.
He kissed a girl. He went on a date and kissed a girl. I wish it had been me. That made me really angry even though it shouldn't have because he is his own person and he can kiss whoever he wants to. I shouldn't care. He's older and he obviously is attractive. Girls like him. I told you that in my letter a while ago, didn't I? He's going to have like ten pretty Fire Nation girlfriends. I shouldn't be jealous because he's not mine he's just my best friend AHHH
I cried a lot when I got the letter. A lot. Like, it was so bad that Sokka asked me what was wrong during dinner. He looked up from his food to ask me if I was okay. Just so you realize how bad it was. Dad's distant as usual and Gran-Gran just told me to keep my head up. I didn't actually tell Sokka what happened then because he would probably tease me but he did hug me and tell me that he would beat whoever made me cry up. That made me smile.
At least he didn't like it, right? He thinks kissing is gross! But also . . . he sent me that letter. A really detailed letter. About his date. Which means he's stupid (yeah who saw that one coming, right?) and that he really doesn't see me in a romantic light at all. Which is fine! It's fine. I'm probably like a sister to him, a replacement for Azula . . . that's disturbing. I really don't want to be like a sister to him.
Okay, but remember how I said I didn't tell Sokka what happened then? Well, he sort of figured out that I have a crush because he can be weirdly intuitive sometimes. He'll be a great chief one day. Luckily he didn't figure out that it was Zuko, that would have been terrible because he probably would have told Dad and then Dad would get mad at me for spending so much time with him . . . ugh. My relationship with Dad hasn't really been that great lately. I know I should fix it but . . . I don't know, Mom.
But Sokka thought it was one of the guys his age in the tribe and he was ready to get up and murder all of them but I convinced him otherwise. Although it did feel sort of good to know that he's ready to defend me like that. He's a good brother, even if I could probably murder them faster. It's the thought which counts. I sort of sulked for a week and then he TRIED TO SET ME UP ON A DATE.
Yes. Sokka tried to set me up on a date. SOKKA tried to set me up on a date. I literally didn't think he knew anything about romance. He's such a . . . boy, like Zuko. And for all his talk about defending me I didn't think that he would try to set me up with someone, especially because he still thinks I'm a baby. But then he said that it would make the other guy jealous and let him know what he missed. And I couldn't exactly tell him that Zuko would never find out, right? If I told him whoever I liked wasn't in the tribe he would automatically figure it out. And then I thought about it more and thought that I could tell Zuko about my date in my next letter. Maybe it would make him jealous?
Okay, yeah, my thought process going into that was not the smartest but I was a lot more mad at Zuko back then. I've calmed down a little. A little. I'm still really mad . . . but I'll tell you what happened, I guess. It didn't really go well.
The boys in the village have only gotten more scared of my bending since you left, except for the one that can bend, but Sokka set me up with some guy who's more obsessed with being a warrior than he is! And that's an accomplishment. I think that he thinks that guys who want to be a warrior are strong and stuff but the guy was just sort of . . . sexist. I should have taken offense to it but it was just . . . really funny, Mom. You would have gotten so mad at Dad if he had ever acted like that with you.
Our 'date' was getting food and taking a canoe downriver to have a picnic and talk. I think we were both supposed to talk, but it was basically just him talking about how amazing of a hunter he is and how he's going to be to Sokka what Bato is to Dad. Whenever I said something he ignored it. And he ate all the food. Well, not all of it. He left a single sea prune for me.
I don't really want to say much more about it because . . . it just sucked. He tried to kiss me but I really didn't want to kiss him so he kissed my cheek. It was SLIMY when I got home. I told Sokka I never wanted to see him again and then I told him that he'd tried to kiss me and Sokka left the house to beat that guy up. He got in trouble with Dad that night but he told me it was worth it. I should tell him I love him more.
I feel so calm about this. But yeah, I guess I also just had my first date. I might mention it to Zuko. I can say I had my first kiss too, right? That counts, doesn't it?
Oh, Tui and La, Mom. I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I did that just because stupid Zuko went on a stupid date and stupidly kissed A GIRL HE DIDN'T EVEN LIKE. This has devolved. And now I think I might like him MORE because he was so much better than Sokka's friend. Zuko listens to me and he eats his fair share of food. Shoot. So, yeah, that backfired.
I was having a fight in my brain and my brain decided to commit to the fact that I like him. So I guess I am. I guess time will just have to fix it.
I wish I could tell someone else this besides you. But thanks for listening, even if you can't respond. I love you and I miss you.
— Your daughter, Katara