Hello dears! I am so excited because we're about to cross 200 reviews and that is insane. I literally didn't expect this kind of response while writing this story.

I'm also excited because about 1 chapter away from finishing writing this story. Which is super uber exciting!

Hehe you can thank Esther247 for this chapter :). She updated ABYS...

Now...who do we call out next? Smmahamazing...we need more Smmahamazing :) You post something new, anything new and I'll post the next chapter faster.

K I'm gonna try to respond to 2 chapters worth of reviews, but I'm not sure I'll manage, but I can try.

Rin

I wish relationships were easy and uncomplicated. I wish that I was brave enough to just tell Sesshomaru that I love him. But I'm not.

It's so cold outside. At least I can pretend the cold is from sitting on the veranda at Sango and Miroku's and not what I feel inside. I should be at the hospital with Sesshomaru, but he said he would be fine.

I texted him this morning. He never got back to me, so I'm left to hope that everything will be fine. "Feeling any better?" Sango asks me, sitting to my left.

"Not really. My stomach is still in knots."

I threw up twice this morning. I called Ban to let him know I was sure it was just nerves. He told me to take the day off to avoid infecting our immune-compromised patients. Which means I shouldn't go to the hospital either.

For the seventh time I check my phone. It's only nine in the morning. He's already under the knife by now. The last time I called Inuyasha, he didn't answer either.

Sango touches my forehead and hands me a fresh cup of tea. "If you aren't sick yet, you're going to make yourself sick sitting out here."

"How did you know Miroku was the one?" I lift the mint tea up to my lips and sip it gingerly.

"When he said he'd parent two kids with me at the age of twenty one." She chuckles and scoots closer to me, pulling me against her chest. "There's no formula. Knowing they're the one doesn't mean the rest of it's easy. Miroku and I fought all the time at first."

"Every time we get close he pushes me away."

"Are you sure you aren't pushing him away? You said at Christmas that he wanted some kind of commitment from you. To know you were his. You can't very well hold him close if you won't let him be more to you than a friend and coach. Not to mention I'm not sure a coach should have his head between his skater's legs."

"Sango!" I wiggle in my chair remembering that night.

"It's not just him," Sango picks up a blanket and wraps it around both of us. "If you love him, you need to tell him and stop avoiding what you feel. Love is wonderful. Hard work but wonderful. You hurt him Rin."

By the afternoon I'm falling over from exhaustion, from skating, from ballet that I started two weeks before and lifting weights on the side.

I fall asleep on the couch.

I'm not sure how long I've been sleeping when my cell phone wakes me from my puddle of drool. "Hello?" I answer groggily.

"Hey, it's Kagome."

"Kagome?" I sit up quickly, trying to force myself awake. "How is he?"

"They finished. They said the surgery went as expected. We should know in six to twelve weeks whether or not he'll regain sensation."

"That's great. Can I talk to him?"

I hear hesitation on the other end of the phone. "He doesn't want to see you right now."

"What?" I feel like someone just flattened my stomach with a mac truck.

"I'm sorry. He gets like this when he's hurting and feels vulnerable. He won't let anyone in the room with him but his mother. He told us all to leave and he'd call us when he's ready for visitors. I'm really sorry."

"Thanks for calling me," I spit out and hang up the phone, bursting into tears. I deserve this.

He doesn't call me over the next two weeks. My texts go unanswered, calls ignored.

I spend the time settling back into my routine. Five am wake up and then off to the rink for practice. On lunches I lift the weights at Band of Seven with Jakotsu. Twice a week I have ballet. I'm getting stronger and more confident. My muscles are growing. I'm losing lines of fat. It's easier to get into the air.

I throw myself into training, determined to do something besides mope. Each practice we record and send to Sesshomaru so that he can send back small remarks here and there as he's able.

I tried to call his house, only for his mom to reject the call.

I spent the night in Kohaku's bed bawling my eyes out. At least my new boots came in the mail.

By the third week, when I expected him back, he lets me know by text that he's not ready yet and the pain is still too intense.

Shippo takes up where Sesshomaru left off. We memorize my short program. At week four, we start on the long program. Sesshomaru stops returning my emails about my programs. A great emptiness fills my soul. I miss him.

"You're looking great," Shippo tells me after I finish the long program, huffing and puffing for air.

"I need to work on that first pass. You think I can still score high without a triple pass?"

"No…either you land a quad or you land a triple jump pass."

"Do you think he'll come back?" Shippo asks me.

"I don't know," I bite my lower lip and shake my head. "Everything was riding on this surgery."

"Is he feeling anything yet?"

"He's not talking to me."

"He's being an ass," Kohaku comes up from behind us and sits on the railing of the rink.

"Don't call him that," I argue back.

"I'll say what I want. If he loves you, he should want you there with him."

But even I know it's not that simple and you don't get to make the rules in someone else's journey.

The fourth week comes and Sesshomaru finally tells me to start videoing him on the practices. It's still too uncomfortable for him to get around.

I asked Suikotsu how his at home therapy is going. He told me Sesshomaru said not to tell me anything. He watches me intently, gives feedback but when I try to ask him how the recovery is going, the conversation is automatically shifted back to skating or ended.

By the fifth and sixth week I really start worrying. His text messages taper off.

Rather than wallow, I use the emotions to skate, letting them guide me, to make a program that tugs at the heart.

Shippo, Kohaku and I choose music from the Last Samurai to skate to and by the seventh week, when Sesshomaru doesn't return any of my text messages or calls and stops participating in video-practices, I'm fed up. I decide to go to his house the next week after work. Sango said if I love him I'd say something.

I must look like a ballet dancer going up and down the steps to their ranch home in Highland's Ranch. It's all on one level with a large ramp going up to the front door.

I have no idea why I am pirouetting like an idiot up and down the steps to the house.

His mother flings open the door wearing something that resembles lingerie, smoking a cigarette. "Um…" I start and then stop. I'm the idiot that broke your son's heart.

"You're Rin," she says, sucking the last bit of her cig and flicking it onto the rose bushes. A collection of cigarette butts gather around the stems like they are worshipping the canopy of pink buds. "I should hate you for giving him hope." That's enough for me to know he hasn't regained any sensation.

I incline my head because truth be told I hate myself too. I know the only reason he hasn't called me is because he hasn't felt anything more than he did before and because of what I said before Christmas. I should have said I love you then.

"We've decided to switch to Wind," she says slamming the door, making my heart race and rattle my chest.

I have about three seconds to think to wedge my foot into the frame and slam my palms against the door. My foot flames in pain. "Look…I…I don't even know what to say—"

"Then say nothing." She folds her arms, turning on me, waving me into the house.

The living-room is a shrine to his days as an athlete. The mantle draws me like a flame to a fire. He must be eleven years old, on the rings, holding himself upside down. I smile going to touch the glass only to smear the actual picture.

"We stopped putting the glass in after he wouldn't stop breaking them. Rings were always his best."

"I could throw a killer quad toe loop and a quad salchow. I was a prodigy they said, the best figure skater had seen since Christy Yamaguchi. I was set to win the gold. I could have easily placed in the top four."

"He mentioned that."

"Is he home? I brought ice-cream." I hold up the bag that's gone a bit soft. "Rocky road, get it?"

She snorts at me and points to the hallway.

I make my way back, breathing heavier with each step. I want to blame it on smoke inhalation outside but I know it's more than that. I hurt him.

I hear cheering, judges talking. "Sesshomaru Takahashi is attempting one of the most difficult moves in competition on the rings. Triple salto from a bowd. You see that." The crowd cheers. I am frozen in place, watching his TV-screen move. His hair was shorter then, cropped and perfectly folded over. His arms don't even tremble as he holds himself like a board face down. "Now it's coming, a triple salto pike. He loops for momentum!" He goes up, flipping once, then twice with his legs perfectly straight in front of him but something happens with the third rotation and instead of landing on his feet, he lands on his back, right where his sacrum meets the lumbar. He flops onto the mats, unmoving. "Jack, he's not getting up."

"Something is wrong, something is definitely wrong. His coach is calling for the paramedics."

I can finally breathe when he rewinds it and turns it on again. I push the door open holding up my price of Ben and Jerry's Rocky Road ice-cream. "Hi."

"Apparently you can't take a hint." He flicks the TV off.

"I brought rocky road? Get it?"

"Jokes aren't your strong suit." He sets the remote down and looks away from me.

"I would have brought Carmel Sutra but I thought that was too kinky." I climb into his bed and suddenly realize how beautiful his room is. It's easily twice the size of my bedroom at home, with a ramp that leads out to a large backyard with a winding path behind that. The sun is shining so brightly it's nearly blinding. I leave the ice cream on his dresser and go over to his patio doors. "I bet this is beautiful when you get all the planting in."

He's set up tables around his room with seedlings that will be ready to transfer when the last frost passes. It's mid-march, meaning soon the world will bloom with color.

"I'd join you but then I would have to be able to get up."

"Sesshomaru," I exhale turning around. "I…I'm sorry."

"Hope is worse than evil. At least evil has a purpose."

"It can take up to twelve weeks," I remind him and sit down on the bed taking my sweater off. I'm wearing a maroon crop top that winds a cord around my neck and mid-rise leggings that leave a decent amount of my stomach exposed.

"Now that is not fair." He pokes my belly button, making me arch forward to escape his fingers, but instead all that has happened is that my head nearly nocks into his. When I look up, his mouth is just millimeters from mine.

"What's not fair?" As I breathe, my lips brush against him making my ribs hitch. "I thought all men wanted to be in bed with a beautiful woman."

He closes his eyes and clenches his hands together. "That would imply you are beaut—" Oh fuck no.

I fumble on the top of his dresser. I rip the lid off the Rocky Road. It's already soggy on top from being in my car. I slam it into his face.

I should have known than to pick a fight with a paraplegic.

He pins me down on the mattress in one arm, lifting the ice-cream up in the other with a confident smirk. His usually pale skin is now covered in chocolate. I'm fairly certain he has a walnut shell stuck in one nostril. He leans over me and rubs his face against mine.

Now I'm covered in chocolate, marshmallows and nuts. I crack up as he tickles the flesh of my stomach. As he pulls back, I bite and lick the tip of his nose. I can feel his laughter bubbling. It's like we haven't been apart for two months.

When we get up, the ice cream is all over his chest, my hair, his hair and my face. "You are in so much trouble, Sesshomaru."

The bin of ice-cream is on the floor with the spoons. I bend over to get it and don't realize until I'm sitting up again, holding the spoon and the container with a fat slab of ice-cream on it that I'm straddling his hips. This time I plop it on his nose.

He doesn't resist when I lean forward and lick the almonds and marshmallows off. I lick his cheeks. He leans into my mouth. I kiss his forehead spreading my lips to clean his skin then come down to his mouth. He leans forward, tangling his fingers into the hair at the base of my skull. I dip my tongue into his mouth. He tastes like ice-cream and coffee. My hips roll against his, making me moan lightly into his lips.

He tilts my neck to the side. His mouth works against the tender skin of my neck. I know it's early spring time but now I'm really sweating and panting as his hands work up the back of my shirt. I grip his shoulders like they are the only thing I have to hold onto as is tongue runs the length of my chin, down to my collar bone. He cleans the other side of my neck where random flecks of marshmallows are stuck to my chin. I pull back smiling like a school-girl who just had her first kiss.

I push him back and take another slab of ice cream, and trace it over his chest and stomach where he had felt so much pleasure before. Licking it off slowly, I nibble his collar bone and suck on his pecks. Each motion makes him suck air in.

I catch his eyes before I go down to his stomach, where I know he's the most tender. I hold his sides, massaging the skin. Tenderly I lick and flick the lines of his stomach until I hear him groan and his pants start twitching. Pulling back, I slide off his lap and set the ice-cream between us. I pick the spoon up and take a bite. "What is this Rin?"

"Close your eyes." I encourage him, so tired of there being so much distance between us.

"Why?"

"Just do it," I beg him, straddling his hips again. He's hard beneath me.

His eyes close so slowly. All I can feel is the pressure of his forehead against mine.

My nipples harden when I take my shirt off. My lips burn when I press them into the crook of his neck, already knowing this is one of his erogenous zones.

I take my time, biting down on his collar bone, when his eyes snap open as warm hands travel down my back. "Rin?" He pulls me up by my shoulders.

"I want you," I whisper against his lips.

"You don't have to have sex with me to cheer me up."

I shrug my shoulders. For the first time I want this and I'm not going to stop. I capture his lips, not allowing him a chance to refuse. "Make love to me? Please?"

He's panting against me. "You don't want a relationship with me."

"I do." I lift his hand and press his palm against my nipple. "You can call me your girlfriend, whatever you want."

"Girlfriend?"

"Yeah."

He gingerly massages my breast in one hand and then with two. The sensation gives me chills. I lick his neck, pushing his hair back and sucking on the skin. His lips come back to mine. We explore each other's mouths, the taste, the texture, the heat.

He breathes harder, leaning back and groaning as I bite and lick the muscles that have formed on his chest. I kiss one pec and then the other, sucking on them, which makes him dig his fingers into my hair.

He pulls me back up. I press my chest into his face, rocking against the lips that have encapsulated my nipples. It's so hot between my legs I feel like I'm going to burn from the inside out. He pushes me onto my back and rolls onto his side fumbling with my leggings and slides them down my legs. He uses pillows to support his trunk. I wrap my bare leg over his hip and pull myself back to him. He licks my breasts again. I've never gone all the way before. I can't stop myself. I've spent five months getting him out of his mental dungeon. He pulls back and runs a crooked finger up and down my chest, looping my nipple I smile. "What is it?"

He lifts his body more upright. I watch as he pushes his pants and boxers down his legs and tosses them on the floor. He opens his mouth to speak then closes it, laying back down with me. He caresses my cheek. I press my mouth back into his. "Have you ever been with a handicap before?"

"No," I laugh at him. "Do you want to stop?" I touch his erection. He's so hard and already bubbling. I make up my mind to focus on pleasuring on him, not on whether or not I can make him come, but I want him to so bad.

"No," he says firmly, hitching my hip up higher. "I want to taste you."

I know my cheeks are red because my ears are burning and suddenly I'm nervous because I missed my last wax and last time we got interrupted.

He pushes me back on his pillows while he lies on his side and leans over me, worshipping my top half. His tongue glides, tracing lines until they lap at my nipples, then he lays wide mouthed kisses down my stomach, until I can feel his breath against my curls.

"Scoot up," he says so sensuously, the sound of his voice gives me goosebumps. I move higher in the bed, while he shimmies himself lower and props pillows around the bare hips he can't move. I'm aching now and his breath is coming out in low pants. I grip the railing above his bed as his hands slide up my legs and he kisses and licks the inside of my thighs. "Mmh," I groan. It's like my insides are begging for attention.

He kisses closer and closer until he licks one lip and then the other. It isn't until that first suck on my clit that I'm sure I've gone to heaven and can't breathe. I moan loudly.

He stops, coming out of the forest below and whispers, "shh. My mother will hear you."

So I bite my lip the through the next lick, this one is a nip that sends shivers up my back, and I squeak as he finds me again and starts sucking. I grip the back of his head and try to keep my legs open but all I want to do is curl around his mouth. I wonder if he can see my hymen, does he know I haven't gone all the way before. A voice inside of me tells me to speak up, but I'm lost in the slow licks he gives the inside of my labia and the quick sucks on my clit and how he doesn't let up. I have to bite the pillow to keep from crying out in pleasure. It burns down my slit, back up to my stomach. I want more.

My hips find a rhythm with his mouth and then I can feel that first breach. He dips two fingers in like I've done this before and an, "ow," comes out of my mouth before I have a chance to stop it.

Sesshomaru immediately pulls back with a confused look on his face. He opens me, letting the sunlight guide him. Glancing at me with an arched eyebrow, he asks, "Were you going to tell me about this?" He pushes against my opening again and I cringe.

I bite my lower lip. What am I supposed to say? I thought it would be stretched out by now from all the splits I did, all the times I landed on my crotch in practice, I didn't realize there would be something left to break.

"You want me to be your first?"

I nod my head. When he smiles, I want to shove my crotch back into his face. He's one of those people that saves their smiles for when he thinks no one is looking. "Relax," he says as one finger slides in this time. He pumps it back and forth against the roof of my vagina. I curl around his head again, humping his hand. It burns and stings in all the right ways.

The second finger enters and I flinch as he scissors. "I'm just stretching you. Come closer." He uses his hand on my ass to guide my crotch back to his mouth. It's like watching him drink the way his lips pucker against me and suck. I can't stop the sounds coming from my mouth. I want it harder, deeper. I need more.

As he starts thrusting his fingers something changes, a light goes off down there. I feel hard and wound like a rubber band and grip his shoulders trying to escape what's about to happen.

His fingers move in and out faster. I scream while gripping his support rod that is attached to the wall above his bed. "Fuck! Oh Fuck! Oh Fuck! Oh god, oh…mmmh!" I scream and he comes out laughing, but keeps his fingers engaged.

My body is shaking. "Fuck," I whisper.

"I think that is what I just did." He pushes himself higher on his pillows. He's very hard now and waving like a flag.

"Can I…I want to ride you." I run my hand across the muscles just above his navel, making his mouth drop open.

He takes my hand. I'm shaking and wet. I straddle him, while he licks my neck. He can't move so I know now it's up to me. "Slowly," he supports my shoulders while I grab him. Fuck he is so hard and so hot. "Come down slowly."

I cringe at first. He is definitely bigger than two fingers. He lets go of one shoulder and starts thumbing my clit again. I feel my walls looking for something to squeeze.

I'm suddenly nervous. "If you were on top what would you do?"

"For a virgin, sometimes the kindest thing is to just get it over with."

"Okay," I close my eyes and sit down quickly, taking him in. Falling onto his chest, I cry for a moment at the sting and how he stretches me. "I feel like you're in my stomach."

"I said come down slowly."

"You said get it over with!" A small sob breaks out of my mouth. "It hurts." It burns and stings. I wrap my arms around his shoulder, dripping tears down his skin. I'm such an idiot, of course I shouldn't have just slammed myself down on him.

"Shh," he hushes me, brushing his lips against mine. "Do you want to stop now?"

"No," I whisper defeated. "I want this."

Sesshomaru wipes my tears, taking them away with his thumbs, while kissing my lips. "You're going to be sore." He laughs against my mouth. His hands run up my back and tangle into my hair.

"Do you feel it?" Wouldn't it be great if the first thing he felt was me?

He smiles and says, "my mind does. It feels good. When you're ready, start rocking your hips against me."

"I love you," it slips out like I can't control myself and his face contorts into something I haven't seen before.

"Touch my stomach?" he asks me, bringing my hands just above his belly button. His face alights in pleasure and euphoria as I massage the muscles and start rocking against his hips. It's so intense like this. I lean over him and combine the stomach massage with sucking on his neck.

He doesn't moan, not like me. I can tell he's going somewhere and it feels good by how his mouth sags open and he opens and closes his eyes, grunting and biting the inside of his cheek. He grabs my ass in both hands pushing me down harder on top of him. I feel myself aroused but not like before. "Touch me?"

Silently a hand slides between my legs and begins rubbing my clit side to side. I push harder against him, rocking faster and faster.

I hump him so hard it hurts before we both explode in a symphony of orgasm. I feel warmth inside of me and collapse on his chest. He's so warm and so comforting All I can do is lay against his chest. Until I start thinking about that admission I made and that he said nothing in return.

It's true though. I love his laugh. The wrinkle around his eyes, the way he is such a macho man but so tender inside. He's a fighter in the guise of the devil and there is just something so beautiful about a man who won't give up. I rest against his chest, my eyes buried in his neck to avoid them, to avoid having my love rejected. I can feel him deflating inside of me. We didn't use a condom.

My mind is racing trying to figure out what to do with what I said and that he isn't returning it.

His arms are wrapped around me. He is breathing just as heavily as I am. In the last five months they have become so much stronger than they were before. I can feel the curves of his biceps, the way the tendons in his wrist flex against the skin of my back as he runs his hands up and down my spine. It's so comforting that I start feeling drowsy in his arms.

Why did I say that I loved him? Why does it hurt so much that he isn't saying it back?

Embarrassment gets the better of me when I sit up to see him staring into my eyes. "I shouldn't have said that." I climb off his lap, ignoring the liquid leaking down my thigh. "I shouldn't have done this."

"Rin wait—"

"No it's okay really…I'm sorry. This was inappropriate, amazing…wonderful but I really shouldn't have."

Why couldn't he just say it back? He was the one that kissed me first. Was I imagining that he felt something?

"Rin—"

I grab my clothes off the floor, half tripping as I pull them back on. "No it's okay…really Sesshomaru. I'm sorry." Am I really sorry? When I'm finally dressed and he's still sputtering, reaching for his own pants to put back on I say, "I'll see you tomorrow." Absentmindedly, my fingers find the webbing between his toes, pinching down, just to blow off some steam.

He jolts forward reaching for his foot. "ouch! Rin that hurt!" His chest is heaving when I look up…I can't breathe…the air is stale between us. "Rin…that hurt."

Please review! I love hearing from you :) OOO FINALLY THE LEMON...but wait...he didn't say it back come on!

Next Sesshomaru of course :)

Story rec...um I'm still on a Kathy Reichs kick author of the Bones series :).

Responses:

Vilbernx4: Esther did it! And you are right, Rin needed to make a decision. I want more Painted Veil...seriously gimme...These two both needed to get their acts together.

CMK727x2: You are very welcome! I'm so glad you like this story!

Jenny Crumx2: I know! Like she must say how she feels. Well she would have been at the surgery if he had wanted her there. But he didn't. I hope you liked this chapter :)

Kimmigirl9x2: I know you must be happy now. You've been waiting so many chapters for this!

Esther247x2: I called you out I called you out but it worked! LOL! I hate the whole holding chapters hostage for reviews, why not have some fun with our favorite authors? Both of these two have had some much work to do to get to the depths of who they are and connect.

Taino Deslan 13x2: So glad to hear you are staying safe and sound. I'm so happy to hear that you are taking care of your parents and keeping them safe. That's so important and special. These two, I'm telling you, they just need to get together and work through their issues! Which I think they mostly have in this chapter. Possibly.

Angeljme: How about now? Better?

Guest#1: LOL I did end it there, didn't I?

Guest#2: Thank you so much!

Mechine: He does want Rin to focus on her skating instead of on him. I'm so glad I got to post for you :)

New Reader: No worries. Although we know me love reviews! I know its so complicated for athletes to choose between relationships and the sport.

Sessho13: Estoy muy feliz que te encanta mi historia. Si la vida de gente que parapléjico tiene muy difícil ratos. Gracias por leer mi historia

Emerald Bitch: I am so glad to hear from you. Life is so challenging right now everyone. If you ever want to talk you can DM me. So glad my writing can help with your funk.