Faramir had frozen in place at her sudden appearance, his face was pale.
"I- I- hadn't heard you," Éowyn blanched
As if struck across the face by her words, Faramir looked down at his feet, then looked again at Éowyn, horrified, "Muff- muffled footsteps. Éowyn, I am so sorry. I didn't mean-"
Éowyn looked at him questioningly, then realized why he thought she had turned pale. Muffled footsteps. No no no! This was not how their revelation was supposed to start! She steadied herself. There was no person in the world she wanted to see more than him at this moment. She hoped he could read that on her face, stricken as his features were. Éowyn moved her body aside, and invited Faramir through her door. When he took her invitation, Éowyn looked out into the corridor, and closed the door behind them. He was here. He had come to her.
"What has brought you to haunt my doorstep this night Faramir?" Éowyn tried to sound tranquil, but she could not keep the delight and amusement out of her voice. Her heart was beating out of her chest. His sudden appearance had thrown her, but did not change what she would say to him. In fact, it intensified it. Suddenly, the reality of this, the man she loved behind her closed door hit her, and the air in her room became heavy.
"I had to see you," Faramir's words rushed from his mouth.
"Please sit," Éowyn gestured toward her bed. Faramir followed and sat down. Why had she suddenly become so formal? She knew what she wanted to say, but the words escaped her in that moment, with him in front of her. On her bed. Éowyn sat down in the small chair in her room. She smiled, then looked at Faramir's desperate and probing eyes.
"Éowyn, I-" Faramir paused. Perhaps he was having as much trouble finding the words as she was. He steadied his breath, then exhaled, "why do you tarry here?"
Éowyn felt her muscles tense. Did he really not know? What was he asking her? She wanted to be a healer. She knew that the longer she stayed in the House of Healing, the more sure her pathway to that life was when her brother came to Minas Tirith to claim her. But she knew more than that, she stayed for him. She stayed because she wanted to be near him, she wanted to touch him, she wanted to laugh with him and share her sorrows and joy with him. Had she never made it plain?
"Do you not know?" Éowyn tried to keep the incredulity out of her voice. She failed.
"I- I- don't know. I thought… that you would go to the fields... to see...," Faramir's gaze was intense. He was begging her with his eyes to see his whole meaning.
"Lord Aragorn," Éowyn said it calmly, and saw Faramir flinch. Aragorn. The question was there all along. And it was as if the question had been answered by not speaking of it plainly. That Aragorn broke her heart. That she had fled her people and her station because he walked away from her. Her greatest shame. The secret she had not told had been a weight on him through all their healing. Éowyn sighed, "It is time for me to tell you my last secret Faramir. The one that brings me more shame than I thought could be healed."
Faramir imparted a piercing look at her, but Éowyn did not look away. She studied his eyes, and she saw it all. Fire, apprehension, love, but mostly, fear.
You do not need to fear my heart Faramir. I just pray that you will still love me after all is clear, Éowyn smiled at him. She had strength to risk this tale, because there would be no more secrets between her and Faramir. Be they friends or lovers, they were past a time of secrets.
"Lord Aragorn broke my heart," Éowyn looked intently into his eyes, and saw them flicker, as if her words had spoken to Faramir's deepest fear, "But not because he ever had my love. He broke my heart by not seeing me as a person, but merely as a woman."
Éowyn sighed. Had she been paying more attention, she would have seen that her words had taken Faramir by surprise, and by delight. But instead, she focused on her own hands, which were trembling as she started to find the words she wanted to say, to explain.
"I ran away from my home. From my people. From my responsibilities. Because of Aragorn's indifference. He came to Meduseld and he liberated me from my humiliating fate. He rescued my uncle with Gandalf, and returned him to whole. He gave me back my brother. He gave me back my life. My hope. Then, as I tried to stretch my wings and take measure of this wondrous man who had given me such a gift, he threw me back into my cage. He noted my affection as that of a naive young girl, and in that he was right. I'd known only obsession from the attentions of Gríma and love of kin, I'd never so much as experienced a crush. And he took that naivety on my part and he bound me with it, refusing to see me beyond it. No matter what words I said, in infatuation, in friendship, in respect, they were met with scorn." Éowyn could feel her tears beginning to collect, and focused on the sleeve of her dress. She willed herself to continue, "When not even the highest and mightiest lord in Middle Earth can recognize that you are more than your sex, it is devastating. Every foul word Gríma had ever said to me came flowing back - they were all true. I was but a woman. With no more to offer a man than my beauty, and my … body. And to men such as Aragorn, that was no prize. Never in my life had I felt so hopeless as when he rode away toward the Path of the Dead. Not the cursed night in the stables. Not the day of my cousin's death. Not even the day of my father's. So I made a choice. No more would Éowyn, merely a woman, dwell, and wait for doom to arrive and burn her with the house. I became Dernhelm, and I rode away from Meduseld. Away from the circumstance that would doom me. And I would seek my death, and my escape."
Éowyn shuddered once again, she felt sick at herself, as she had when she looked back at the shrinking Edoras. Only Merry's company when she was Dernhelm had calmed the self-loathing. Éowyn sighed, "I abandoned my station and my people to escape my fate, Faramir. I don't deserve the love of any high Lord, I deserve scorn, and perhaps I deserve pity. I deserve the shame that this memory brings me. That I hid behind a helm to ride to my death and seek the glory that would forever be denied me as a woman, at the expense of my people's wellbeing."
Éowyn trembled, and did not dare look up at Faramir, so ashamed she was at the depth of her anger at Aragorn, and the shame that this truth had driven her away from her people, toward her own death. She pressed on, only a little bit more.
"Aragorn broke my heart by confirming that all I would ever be was a woman. Unable to escape my cage no matter who I was or what valor I earned. He did not even linger to watch me open my eyes when he drew me back from the shadow," Éowyn swallowed down the tears that were rising up in her throat, "My heart is strong enough to be denied love, especially when it is unearned and false. But denying my humanity. It cast such a great shadow upon me, that I defied everything to seek my escape from it. I don't deserve my praise, for my choice was selfish and cowardly."
Éowyn had not even realized Faramir had crossed the room until she felt a soft hand on her chin, and when she looked up, found herself eye-to-eye with the raven haired Steward. His eyes held more intensity than she had ever seen in them, and now it was clear to her. Love was in his eyes.
"Éowyn, as I live and breathe, you are the most remarkable person I have ever met," Faramir stroked Éowyn's jaw, and there was softness and love in his touch, but now there were tears in his eyes, "Even in believing you abandoned your people you show yourself to have such compassion for others as to be boundless. You did not flee your people, White Lady, you fled your cage, a humiliating cage that even the greatest of us should feel shame for relegating you to. Then you showed yourself to be capable of valor greater than any man. Was it not your courage and love that saved the rest of us from the Nazgûl? She who laughed at Fear itself. Every day since we met I've marveled at my luck for getting to be near you. For knowing you. For loving you."
Faramir stopped when he said the last, and dropped his hand from her chin. He looked suddenly shy, the small boy again, and dropped his gaze from her's. But he'd now said it, and she knew that the love had been there all along. The tears in Éowyn's eyes swelled again, but this time it was for her joy for hearing those words from him. She was about to tell him all that was in her heart when he expelled a shuddering sigh.
"I have been a fool." Faramir's words came out barely above a whisper, "I let the haunts of my mind nearly deny my heart's greatest desire Éowyn. So afraid I was of your denial of my love that I fell into the trap of denying you your humanity, the very source of much of your despair. Since meeting you, not a minute has gone by that I have not been thinking about you."
Éowyn's hand found Faramir's cheek, and she could feel him tremble under her touch. Finally he turned his eyes to look at her again, the fear and love still intermingling. This was it, time for her heart to be laid bare.
"My heart has been captured by a singular man, Faramir. To know him is to love him. To have him know me has been a blessing beyond any I should think I deserve. For I love you Faramir, Steward of Gondor," Éowyn looked fervently into his eyes, "Promise me that whatever comes next, you will never seek to avoid me again. Being denied your love is endurable, being denied your friendship would break me."
"I doubt I will never be able to deny you anything Éowyn… especially my love." certainty was in his eyes, "Your beauty is beyond even what Elvish words could convey. You are high and valiant and have won renown and admiration on your own terms. And yet, seeing the workings of your heart is what captured me most ardently. The moments where your compassion and love burst forth for those who had need of you, even in moments you thought brought you shame, still you thought of protecting and loving others. Were you the blissful Queen of Gondor, still would I love you Éowyn. My heart will never belong to another, now that I have known you."
There were tears in Faramir's eyes. Éowyn could feel the tears burning in her own eyes, and knew they reflected intermingled love and fear too. Then suddenly, Faramir was no longer focused on Éowyn. He had looked at something sitting on her night table. The lavender? No. Something small that glinted in the candlelight. Her lock of hair tied with a small strip of leather, the token. Éowyn watched his eyes dart to her books, and the leather strap that sat upon them. Then realization dawned in his gray eyes, and he looked back at her. A lock of her hair, tied with his leather. Faramir's gaze found Éowyn's again, and he took her hands into his and raised them to lips, placing an extended kiss on each of her palms. Éowyn shuddered at the sensation, feeling the thrill of his lips on her skin pulse through her.
The impulse came to her in an instant; a longing to feel his lips on hers, as in her dream, and she knew it was right. Éowyn leaned into Faramir, using her hand to gently guide his face across the distance between them, and she kissed him. She felt him freeze at the first contact of their lips, but soon he was kissing her back eagerly. He ran his hands through her hair and opened his mouth and she could taste him, and it was wonderful. His other hand found her and pulled her closer to him. Interlocked in the passion that had wanted to come bursting forth since she realized she loved him was singing in all her limbs. Suddenly she felt a gentle touch pushing slightly away from her. Faramir's eyes were wide, with such a tangle of emotions that Éowyn could not decipher them all. Then Faramir gazed at her with that supreme intensity again, his hands encircling hers. All other emotions had dropped away, and all Éowyn could see in Faramir's eyes was love.
"Éowyn, nothing would bring me greater joy than your consent to marry me, if it be your will," Faramir stared into her eyes, both the thoughtful man and the hopeful boy in front of her, his heart now laid as bare as her's.
Éowyn smiled through her tears and nodded.
Yes, she would marry him.
Yes, she would bear his children.
Yes, she would comfort his troubled sleep in the night.
Yes, she would help him make a garden in Ithilien, and she would heal the scarred land at his side.
Yes, she would share her fears and darkest thoughts and be healed by his love.
But then that final concern surged in her mind, and she had to know.
"Well, man of Gondor. Would you have me leave my home and my people? What will others say? There goes the Steward who tamed the wild Shieldmaiden of the north. Was there no one of Númenorean descent so worthy of your heart?" mischief flickered in Éowyn's eyes, but so was that nagging doubt. That Gríma was right and blood of the House of Eorl was tainted.
Faramir had read both of her meanings. He leaned his head to her's and kissed her brow, letting his nose caress her forehead before pulling back just enough to look fully into her eyes.
"Éowyn, the fairest daughter of the House of Eorl, there is no one on this earth you are not worthy of. You are beautiful yes, but the truth of you is what shines through in your heart. You laughed at Fear itself then smote it for your love of your uncle, and you heal others even while you yourself are healing a broken heart. Your love for those around you is ethereal, and cherished deeply by those of us lucky enough to bask in your glow. No, I daresay there are none more worthy of the highest loves than you Éowyn. I just hope that I am worthy of you in turn. And were you to take up in Rohan, so I would follow you there. My Stewardship is forfeit with one such as you in my life to love," Faramir looked desperately at her, "Now please, answer me plainly. Will you marry me?"
"Yes, of course I will marry you! I can think of no greater joy in this world than becoming your wife." Éowyn laughed, "And we will dwell in fair Ithilien, and there we will make a life. Nothing will fail to heal so long as you and I are together."
Éowyn and Faramir were laughing and embracing, for the joy had overflowed from their hearts. As the wave of joy crested and broke, Éowyn looked again into Faramir's eyes. All that time, it was love in those eyes. Love for her. She wondered when he knew he loved her. Yet it mattered not, because there it was. Despite her faults. Despite her shame. He saw her and he loved her still. Éowyn closed the distance between them again, and kissed his lips, and Faramir pulled her in more tightly, fully giving into her kisses. If this was a preview of their future, then Éowyn knew that she was blessed. When they finally retreated from their reverie and passion, Éowyn picked up the small lock of hair, and handed it to him.
"A token," she said, "to remind you that you have my heart."
Faramir smiled at her, and brought his forehead to her's, "nothing will I cherish so deeply as this."
"It reminds me of you, of us," Éowyn whispered tentatively, Leather and lavender.
And Faramir understood. He then looked at the closed door and jumped to his feet.
"I will write to your brother posthaste, asking him for your hand. As well as to my uncle. Declaring my love to you was the hard part, and now I shall announce my love and intention to make you my wife, to leave no doubt that my heart belongs to you. I also believe that this information will be desired by a certain Hobbit, who never lost faith that we would find each other." Faramir had made his way over and opened the door. Peering out, he appeared satisfied that their private time had not attracted unwanted attention, "I will seek you tomorrow morning to have breakfast with you, to watch the sunrise. Never again will I be so foolish as to deny myself your company when there is nothing else in this world that I want more. I want to hear your hopes Éowyn, so I can do all in my power to give you everything in your heart. For you captured mine nearly the first time I laid eyes upon you."
Faramir walked back over to Éowyn and laid a kiss on her lips. He seemed unable to let her go. Éowyn took his hand, and led him to her door.
"I will also write to my brother," she said, "For if he sees what is in my heart he will not deny me. I fear I will hardly sleep for waiting to see you again. But I will try. And… thank you for finally calling upon me tonight. My heart nearly broke thinking I'd lost you."
Faramir pulled her into a tight embrace and kissed her again, "I will never do such a thing to your heart again Éowyn. I love you so much it hurts."
It seemed to take all of Faramir's will to pull himself away from her, but he finally succeeded. He looked anxiously out the corridor again.
"I love you." Faramir kissed Éowyn's hand.
"I love you min elskede," Éowyn replied, and her whole body was singing. She wondered how long it would take Faramir to translate her Rohirric, my beloved.
With a puzzled but invigorated final glance, Faramir left her room. Éowyn sighed as she closed the door, then dressed in her night clothes and got into bed, the images of her raven haired Steward trilled through her mind. His lips, his arms, his eyes, his tears, his hands, his hair, his voice, his love. Tomorrow could not arrive soon enough, and she thought of the warmth of the sun rising, finally penetrating her skin. Finally penetrating the depths of her heart. She picked up the leather strap and inhaled its smell deeply, then looked at the stars on the mantle, glinting in the candlelight.
You win Elbereth, she thought, then she closed her eyes, and drifted to a contented sleep. Her sorrow was still present, but she knew she could weather it, for she knew love; from her beloved brother, her loyal Hobbit and her raven haired Steward. Éowyn would never have to promise the night that she would wake in the morning again.
The continuation of this story, Four Letters is posted on this site!