Dean rubbed his eyes with his fists, looking for all the world like a four year old. "But dad said good soldiers don't…" he trailed off. Shit, Dean, stop it. He told himself. Nobody wants to hear it. It's Christmas, they want to have a good time. They don't want to hear this from you. Nobody wants to hear this from you. Besides, do you really want to share that? The thing that hurts you most of all? No. No you don't.

"It doesn't matter what your dad said." Keith cuts in. Lance doesn't know as much about Dean's dad as Keith does. "Your dad was an asshole that shouldn't have been in charge of you, he's gone and that is for the best. It matters what you think now, so make what you think, matter."

Dean shakes his head. "He wasn't an asshole all the time. He died for me. And he was right, he was always right…" Dean put his hands on either side of his head, like he's trying to hold it together. "It wasn't like that, it wasn't ever like that… he didn't do anything wrong… it wasn't his fault… he was upset, so he acted like that… I needed to learn discipline… good soldiers don't get upset… good soldiers just do what they're told… and keep their mouths shut…"

"Dean." Keith grips his shoulder tightly, bringing him back to the room, the floor, the present. "Stop. that's not right, you weren't a solder. You shouldn't have been put through any of the things you went through, and neither should have Sammy. Neither of you deserved that. Now look at me." Keith waits for Dean to meet his eyes. "His good doesn't way out the bad, not one bit, there might be small moments you remember, but more than half of his life was spent abusing you, mentally, and physically." Lance looks at the two of them, he can feel the tension in the air and adds.

"It's ok, to cry."

Dean shakes his head again. "No, no it's not. Crying makes you weak, and soldiers are strong." he glances back at Keith. "And nothing happened to Sammy, not really. I made sure nothing happened. I protected him, I raised him, I fed him, I stole for him, and I every time Dad would have gotten him in trouble, I said it was my fault to keep him safe. Sammy was fine because of me. And if…" he pauses, obviously on the bring of revealing something he's kept hidden for a long time. "And if… if…" He shakes his head again. "No, Dad said I couldn't tell. He said I couldn't tell."

"Re-program, dean." Lance says. "Dad's gone. You can talk, we'll listen. It's ok to cry. It is absolutely fine to cry."

Dean just sits there trembling for a second, then whispers, "And if Dad's bad, then I'm worst of all, 'cause I killed someone. And they hadn't done anything wrong, not really, but… I put a bullet in their brain." He looks between his friends, begging them with his shattered green eyes to understand. "I didn't… I didn't want to. But… but Dad had them tied up to a chair, and he handed me a gun, and he said I should… but I didn't want to… and… but… I killed them…" He starts crying so hard he can't really form coherent sentences, but he tries anyway. "Didn't want… nine years old… didn't…"

His friends wrapped him in a hug. "Dean, that's not your fault, you were quiznacking nine years old man." Lance says during the hug.

"It's not your fault." Keith agrees. "We know that, and it doesn't change the way we think or care about you."

"It was my fault, though." Dean puts his head down on Lance's shoulder. "Dad said it was. The guy didn't do anything, Dad said he was testing me, and I failed. I failed again. Just like always. And he wanted me to obey always, but that one time… that… I… shit, I deserve to go to hell."

Lance and Keith just hug him tighter, they let him cry, it's ok to cry. The moment seems to last forever, they just sit there on the floor of Deans bed room, hugging, a bag of frosting and a star shaped cookie on the floor next to them.

"Ok, so seriously, what did I do or say?" Keith changes the subject once the crying has settled down, and Lance and dean start laughing slightly, but Lance blushes more then he laughs.

"You tell him if you want to, man." Dean says. "As long as he doesn't remember Jamie and David, then I really don't care what else he knows." His laughing sounds a little hysterical, like laughing always does after you've been crying, but he looks marginally happier.

Lance looks at Keith who is expecting a story of what happened, but Lance blushes and turns away. Keith looks to Dean and mouths 'what the quiznack did I fucking say?' to him.

Dean grins wider and mimes licking something off his hand, then practically falls over, he's laughing so hard. Keith being who he is, doesn't get it at all. Not. at. All. he just looks at Dean like he's crazy, then looks at his hands. Do I have something on my hands? He thinks. Lance didn't see Dean try to tell Keith what happened so lucky for Dean, Lance won't be glaring at him anytime soon.

Dean finally gets up off the floor, picking up the repaired cookie. "I'm gonna go put this back. And check on Cas. He's been outside for a while." he says.

"Good idea, we don't need another case of hypothermia." Lance says standing up as well. Keith stands up and looks at lance.

"Another?" he asks. "What the hell happened while I was out?" he runs a hand through his hair.

"Well…" Lance trails off. "Dean kind of, you see, he was getting a cold, and he uh, spent a little to much time outside, and he got hypothermia, but he's good now, I made sure of it." Lance assured him.

Dean shakes his head. "I told you, Dad said hypothermia isn't real. He told Sammy so after I spent the night outside, and Sammy said he thought I might die and showed Dad his health textbook. He said it's not real. So stop making shit up." Lance holds his hands up in defense, letting Dean win this one.

"Alright, alright." he says as they exit the room. Lance darts back in and picks up the frosting bag and then goes to put it in the kitchen.

"There, see?" Dean says triumphantly. "It wasn't all wrong." He goes over to the back door and pulls it open. "Cas, buddy, come inside. If they're not listening, then it's not worth bothering. We're right here."

A second later, Cas walks in, holding his cookies and looking dejected. "They didn't care." he whispers. "I thought they'd appreciate it, but they didn't care." He sets the cookies on the counter. "Gabriel used to care. We made stuff together all the time. Like baby elephants."

"Awe." Lance puts his hands over his heart. "I love baby elephants." he coos with a cute face. Keith puts a hand to the side of his face to "hide" the fact he asks Cas a question.

"Do you know what I did while we were making cookies? I don't remember anything."

Cas nods, and while Dean and Lance are busy thinking about baby elephants, he whispers, "You acted like a little kid, Dean told you a story about something that actually happened but changed it, Lance got frosting on his hands, then you licked it all off, and Dean made a dirty joke." Keith's eyes go wide, he turns to Lance and Lance sees the look on his face.

Lance turns on his heel and makes a beeline for his room, Keith not far behind, Cas following after, Dean wondering what's happening. Lance goes into the room and turn to close the door, but Keith is already there.

"Lance-" Keith tries to say at the same time as Lance says "Keith-" but they both blush and stop talking.

"Hey guys." Cas says, they look over to him and he points above their heads. Hanging from the door frame is a small bundle of mistletoe.

Dean shakes his head. "Dude, kudos on the placement. I didn't think you'd come up with something that good." Cas smiles proud of himself while Keith and Lance look at them in disbelief.

"I can't believe you two." Lance says crossing his arms. "You guys planed this didn't you." Lance says, he's not stern, or angry, it's like a sarcastic angry. "I am appalled." Lance places a hand on his chest mocking a soap opera. And walks past everyone into the family room, avoiding the obvious kiss Cas was hoping for.

Dean grins and holds his hand out to Cas. Cas grudgingly reaches into his pocket and pulls out a ten dollar bill, slapping it onto Dean's palm. Dean smiles. "Sweet! This is more money than I've had at one time in years!" Keith's mouth hangs open.

"You bet, on weather or not we would kiss?" Keith asks, trying his best to mock Lance, but he kind of fails, he's a bad actor. "I'm appalled."

Dean nods happily. "You guys said I had to stop stealing, and since the only two ways I've ever made money are betting and stealing, I had to do something. Guy's gotta earn a living."

"That is not what we meant and you know it." Lance calls from the family room. "Now come in here all of you, we are going to watch a Christmas special." Lance announces.

enjoy! I can't wait to see what you think of this one! Dean and I have so much fun writing this stuff together, and we love all the comments you give us! let us know what you loved and what you hated about this chapter! lots of love! -Sam