Ned found Katherine sitting in their chamber at the Inn reading a book when he came into the room not long after she had excused herself. Her long dark hair was brushed out from the updo it had been in and she was wrapped in this thick robe, the bulk of which made her look even more petite than she was. When she glanced up at him, a smile lit up her face and she closed the book she was reading.
God, he thought, she becomes more beautiful every day. He walked to where she was seated and leaned forward to plant a gentle kiss on her cheek. "I want to apologize if I overstepped today at all," he said as he kneeled before her. "Are you comfortable?" At his touch, her smile deepened to one of sheer contentment.
It was easy in moments such as this to forget – what had happened and what was now to come. "Mmm, a little and I doubt you could ever overstep. I trust you," she confessed and then sighed. "Though today must've been much worse for you. How are you doing with losing the idea of your parents being alive?"
He shook his head. "I'm fine. That's nothing to worry about. I wasn't close to either of them because I left home to work when I was so young." He shrugged, gathering her hands in his and pressing a kiss on the underside of each wrist. "I want to know how you are really doing, my love. I can see it on your face."
"I feel indifferent about the baby. I am overjoyed, but at the same time I am dreading any outcome," she sighed as her hand came to rest on her flat stomach.
Ned slowly placed his hand on top of hers and she met his gaze when he did so. "Nothing will change how I feel for you or our child."
Her eyes plead with him as though she wanted him to leave her. "You say that now, but what if—" She tried to argue.
"Never. He or she will always be ours. No matter what," he said, squeezing her hand as he moved to sit beside her and her fingers brushed the light waves of his hair. "For better or for worse was only one of the vows I took and I intend to uphold them all."
While she brushed her fingers through his hair, she was quiet in that manner when she went through her emotions, picking them apart, and attempting to craft them back into words. Well acquainted with her moods by now, and even better with her silences, Ned knew better than to probe for answers, giving her time instead.
"You don't have to say anything else," he said after a time.
She shook her head. "Yes, I do," she told him. "There has been so much on my mind lately and I cannot hold it all in. Come to bed with me, will you?"
Ned stood and offered her his hand so they could walk together to bed. Katherine crawled right under the covers while he methodically undressed until he was only left in his tunic. Before getting into bed he bent forward slightly and blew the candle on the bedside table.
It went out at once with a spiral of lingering smoke, leaving the room suddenly covered in near darkness, with the only light coming from the embers in the fireplace.
"It is a bit early, is it not?" He teased her once he laid beside her and she laughed, tucking into him slightly.
"A bit, though I did say we were going to bed. Not to sleep," she confessed as her hands with its able fingers gently pulled his face towards her. "Is it wrong of me to want you?"
Ned looked at her reluctantly, torn between the desire to have her again and the shame before God and the fuzzy memory of the father who raised him to be a better man. He knew better than to just follow his lust-filled mind. Katherine deserved better than that. "It's not wrong of you, no," he confessed to her truthfully, smiling, but trying to survey the situation. "I want you all the time."
She nodded, continuing. "I thought I would never want anything ever again after what happened," she sighed and a few tears were shed from her eyes, but he wiped them away. "However, finding out about our child has filled me with so much joy that I wish to share it with you like we used to, and I miss the way you used to look at me… the way your hands would play with my skirts... I hope that one day, we can be like that again."
Her voice was a bit unsure, but her eyes were intensely clear with no hint of hesitation. There was only love in them and beyond that, strangely enough, there was a gleam of hope. He shook his head again, this time forcefully. His eyes were blurred with tears that clung to his long dark lashes, though he saw her leaning in and covering his lips with hers.
Ned exhaled in surprise, his body suddenly aflame with temptation. He wanted her so badly. "No, Katherine, I… I-I…" He tore his lips from hers abruptly, as if they had scorched him and rose to his feet with incredible dexterity, taking a few steps away from the bed. "I won't rush you. I told you that I can wait until you are ready."
He started pacing around, mumbling under his breath with restless energy coursing through his veins. He was usually a calm collected man, the most powerful emotions boiled slowly and steadily but when they blew up it was all-consuming, and he was fast approaching the point of no return. He wanted her, but should he give into such lust so quickly? Would she regret it all after? Would she hate him for it too?
He never wanted her to think he needed her to give up her choices for their marriage. Ned was so tangled in the battle between his mind and body, that he didn't see Katherine move from the bed and cross the short distance toward him.
"You haven't," she told him as she stepped closer and held his face firmly between her hands. "You have been everything I needed, Ned, and I love you and am sorry for the pain Daniel had put us both through."
"How can you still apologize for him? You are far too good of a person and he doesn't deserve your mercy," he pleaded as more tears rolled fresh down his cheeks. "None of this was your fault."
"It is the only way I can move on and I need you to accept that. I knew what I was getting myself into by letting Daniel believe I was my sister. I did not make his choices or make him do what he did to me, but I made mine and I stand by them even through it all." She explained as she opened her robe slowly to reveal her nakedness underneath to him. "I wish for tomorrow to be a new beginning for us both. Daniel will be dead come morning in more ways than one."
He stood, frozen in place, as he took the view of his naked wife in before him. She smelled of the soap she used to bathe and slightly perfumed by her usual healing herb aroma to her. "I hope I am up to your standards, my love." She whispered softly as her hand was on the back of his neck, fingers cool.
"Christ, you always will be," he breathed, raking his hands over her body as he smiled. "You are far too beautiful for likes of me."
Katherine opened her mouth to argue with him, but he kissed her instead. Her breasts rose against his chest when he did so, but her mouth opened under his as she kissed him in return. Ned felt her hands traveling over the expanse of body and laid flat above the strong beat of his heart. He picked her up with ease acquired by their time together and she wrapped herself around him while he walked towards the bed, their lips never parting.
The bed groaned under their combined weight when they landed ungracefully on the mattress, with him safely between her open legs and the outline of her body molding perfectly to his. One of his hands rested at the top of her thigh, close enough that could feel the damp curls brush his finger. Despite his inner battle with himself, his hand slid farther, dying to cup the soft slipper fullness he could sense, so close.
With an effort that made him dizzy, he stopped. "Katherine, I want you to be sure." He whispered to her.
Her hand was on his arm, pulling him back down. "Please," she whispered. "Please, I want you to."
Ned felt hollow as a bell; his heartbeat echoed in his head and his chest as painfully hard between his legs. He closed his eyes, breathing as he descended on her, kissing down her body. His hands followed, stroking over the peaks of her breasts, her nipples hardening with desire. She arched into his touch as he paid attention to her nipples, pinching them between his thumb and forefinger until she squirmed.
He moved his head so that he could flick his tongue over the tip of her nipple, his fingers squeezing the supple flesh. She gasped when his fingers drifted lower and he looked up at her, those bright green eyes taking her in as he climbed back up her body, hoving above her.
"I want to make sure you're to be ready," he said against her lips, his warm breath fanning over her features.
He allowed himself time to re-memorize her, inch by inch, until he finally raised his eyes to meet hers. In the candlelight, Katherine's face was flushed and glowing, her brown hair backlit and free, the curls loose and awry, tumbling over her shoulders. She was magnificent and as he looked up at her, he gasped. He could smell her redolence from here, that exquisite scent wafting to him, lemongrass and rainwater perfuming her skin and hair.
Still making eye contact, he leaned in before ducking his head between her knees, nuzzling her legs apart with his head and pausing just inside her right knee cap to linger a kiss on her skin while inhaling deeply. He bent further to taste her, lapping her up, thirsty for everything she was offering up to him.
She crooned softly, willing herself to remain aware and in control but soon her mind began to blur, her body tremulous and limpid and her eyes began to close as she relaxed underneath him. He played her body like a harp, her moans as musical as any song.
"Ned, please," she pleaded, but this tone was different. She needed something from him, so close, yet so far from her release. "I need-"
She fell silent when his fingers slid inside her and then she was trembling, an orgasm flooding through her not long after, body breathless and aching for him when he pulled back. His beard was slick and pungent, his fingers sticky and glazed, while her rosy body laid trembling beneath him. He was painfully throbbing and ready to have her, but he resisted.
Ned had dug into the reservoirs of his discipline, so determined to set the pace of his adoration. He had to be sure she was still ready. None of this mattered if she wasn't. He hovered above her, cradling her face, gazing into her eyes that were barely open as she smiled at him tenderly.
He knew by the look in her eyes, the sated, happy look that had felt like a forbidden fruit for him to drink in. When he finally entered her, it was not before he'd hovered his mouth over her belly where their child would soon begin to grow. It was not before he had pressed his forehead to hers, gripped her eyes with his own, laced his fingers through hers, and whispered, "I love you."
It was not before she was so open, so flushed, so languid and so a part of him already, that when he entered her he was not sure if he ever truly left-that was how at home he felt. He caught her in a bruising kiss while sinking into her heat, his body claiming hers.
"I'm ready," she reassured him and moaned into the kiss as he filled her, though he stilled for a moment, allowing her to adjust to him. "I promise. You won't break me..."
"Katherine, I know," he sighed against her lips, cupping her cheek.
Ned didn't want to hear that now and kissed her again, wanting to will any thought like that away as he began to thrust into her, his left hand gripping her bent leg to give him leverage against her. He moved with abandon then, driven by the desire to remind her of how good they could be. Her hands went low on his back, on a trail led by her nails, and held onto his bottom, pushing him deeper inside.
Groaning loudly and embolden, Ned let go of the last fragments of conscience altogether, his body alone took over and his thrusts gained momentum. Katherine sought his lips in reply, turning them red and sore with her own yearning, while his hands scratched and groped over the softness of her skin, making her whimper in a blend of pain and pleasure underneath him.
With one of his hands, he held hard to her hip and drove their bodies together, again and again, until he buried his face on her neck and shuddered loudly, blissfully emptying his mind and body into her. He was at once reduced to incoherent gasps, but his name was still on her lips, breathless and urgent.
He went on though, unable to stop and blind to anything else except her until he felt heat spreading over her body and her back rising from the bed. She was pulsating around him like a warm heartbeat and breathed out a long sigh when he collapsed on top of her completely spent, with labored breath fanning across her breasts.
As she held his motionless body against her, he was faintly aware of long fingers caressing the back of his neck, sending shivers down his spine along with the remaining muscle spasms. Beneath her own heavy breathing, he heard the scattered words of prayer and he wondered briefly what or whom she was praying for, though he was too far gone to ask. The warmth of her was too much to turn away from.
His fingers slid into the mess her hair had become, long digits sliding through the waves of brown that were pooling around them. The night was quiet when he whispered to her softly, "You know that I will always choose you, right? I would never lay with another woman. That's one vow I take seriously unlike other men. It's always going to be you, Katherine."
"It's always going to be you for me as well, my love," she whispered against his chest, and her heart was hammering against her chest when he rolled off her to lie sweatily beside her.
"Mmm good, even if I die young?" He asked.
"Don't say that," she whispered, pressing a kiss to his chest as she rested her chin there when she looked up at him. "Don't ever say that."
"I only want the reassurance," he teased her lightly.
She jabbed him in the side lightly in annoyance as she sighed. "I will never marry again is that what you want to hear?" She asked incredulously.
He chuckled, tilting her head up to kiss her again. They slept in each other's arms that night and Ned focused on Katherine's breathing, and she felt the warmth of his arms around her.
She closed her eyes to the sounds of his heartbeat, and peace fell upon the entire night as she drifted into sleep, only then did he feel safe enough to fall asleep too.
The next morning, the guards dragged Daniel up onto the dais in the town square and he was finally unshackled and pushed forward toward the crowd. He was pale-looking and bloodied, his face beaten.
There was a crowd around that had gathered to watch his execution of townspeople along with Melinda, Jim, Katherine, Ned who were all gathered off to the side. Sadly, as much as they had all wished rape had been the charge, it was Andrea's murder that Daniel was being executed for, to spare her sister's reputation.
"The said Daniel Clancy feloniously and willfully did kill and murder against His Magistey's peace, his crown, and dignity," the judge said behind him, reading off a scroll of parchment and rolling it closed afterward. "He is hereby sentenced to death."
The older man gave a nod and a jailer stepped forward to put the noose around Daniel's neck.
"Confess now or forever hold your sins!" The judge exclaimed.
As they looked on, Daniel said nothing before the false bottom fell out from underneath after a signal. There was a gasp when his neck audibly snapped from the drop, but no one looked away until the last twitch of his foot. They all left as a group and boarded the ship after that, never looking back. Somehow everything had begun feeling better.
Later one, Katherine moved about the boat slowly and went to sit on the deck with half a flagon of wine. The ship ran on a small crew at night and they had left dock not so long ago, but it was still a distant, murky bump on the horizon. She kept out of the way, knowing where people would most likely need to go at this point or that point, and made a clear path to avoid them.
Her path led her to the back of the boat where she leaning her back against the railing and watched the stars. A door creaked somewhere, but she heard no footsteps. She didn't even see a shadow until Ned was there beside her. He didn't speak, just standing beside her, hip to hip, shoulder to shoulder.
Katherine didn't look back at him, she didn't have to. His posture and the way his body touched her just at certain points, she didn't question that it was him. "I needed a bit of fresh air. It got cramped down there," she whispered and passed him the flagon.
There was another long pause between them. He offered her the bottle again without having answered her, which she took and drank down more than a gulp. That surprised him, too. "I noticed when you didn't come back after some time," he said, eyeing the flagon as she took another drink. "You've almost finished that… is there something you wish to tell me?"
"I feel awful for feeling good about it all," her voice was soft as she said that. "For him being dead... for looking forward to carrying our child."
He dared a glance and her eyes seemed sad. "He does not deserve your sorrow," he said, turning completely to look at her.
Katherine nodded at his words, but she didn't look at him this time. Her eyes were trained off in the distance like she was somewhere else. "I know," she whispered. "That doesn't make it any easier."
"What do you want me to do?" He asked, inching closer to her.
"Nothing more than what you are doing now," she muttered under her breath. "Just stand here with me. There is nothing you can do."
He was quiet then and turned to look at the dark waves of the sea. The ship's sails flapped in the wind and sailed through the waves as they crashed up against the side. "Do you like sailing?" He changed the subject.
"I don't hate it," she said softly. "Why? Do you know anything about navigating or reading the stars?"
"No," he shook his head. "They don't exactly specialize in that sort of teaching when you're a gutter rat on the streets of Liverpool." She snorted softly at that, at least he could still make her laugh. "Are you sure there is nothing I can do?" He asked quietly again. "I only want to make you happy."
"I just want to be here with you," she said, leaning her head on his shoulder. "That's all I want."
He smiled and nodded. "We can stay here as long as you'd like. We have plenty of wine." He pulled out another flagon from under his tunic, popping the cork off and taking a drink as she laughed at him. "I stole this from Jim. Don't tell him. Do you want some more?"
"Your secret is safe with me," she said, and there was stillness between them again as he held it toward her.
Katherine shook her head as she leaned in to kiss his cheek, but he let his hand drift down to her neck. His thumb rubbed gently against her throat as he kissed it. She didn't move, just waited and her fingers curled around his side, holding them close. She knew Ned enjoyed that, when he actually felt like she wanted him as much as he wanted her.
Gently, his fingers moved through her hair, brushing along her jawline as he heard her sigh and she leaned into the palm of his hand. "Wine makes me sleepy," she muttered.
"Oh?" He smiled down at her. "Too sleepy to let me have you tonight?"
"We'll see how I feel when we go to bed," she teased him with a giggle as his lips started softly, brushing against hers until she kissed him.
He drew back teasingly. "Oh, is that right?" He asked as he cupped her face and kissed her again. When he deepened it, letting his tongue dip deeper, she pulled him close, and her hands on his chest slid lower, drawing her fingers up along his thigh, then tugging at his shirt to find his skin. "Shall we go below the deck?" He asked against her lips.
"We will figure something out in a minute. Let's stay a little while longer ad enjoy the moonlight and sea air," she responded in a breath before nipping at his lower lip and initiating the kiss once more.
Jim heard a soft rap on the door. The sound was timid, but it exploded into the small space of the cabin, causing another wave of nausea to crash into his chest and expel itself in liquid. His insides lurched as he vomited into the bucket placed between his legs. "Come in," he managed to mumble, spitting at the floor, almost daring it to comment on his pathetic condition.
Katherine and Melinda both hurried in, his wife shutting the door behind her sister. "I've had just enough of these sailors," she began. "But I thought it would be best for Katherine to bring you something to help with your vomiting—" Melinda stopped when she caught sight of him hunched over himself, sitting on their bed, his head between his knees. "Oh, Jim," she said in hushed tones, slowly stooping to his level.
As she knelt, the scent of what food she must've brought with her reached his nostrils and he groaned loudly. "Please, no food. I can't bear the sight of it," Jim huffed out, a hand flying to his mouth.
Melinda chuckled softly. "No, I'd imagine not." Her laughter, however soft, was a welcome guest into the otherwise lifeless body he inhabited at the moment. He heard her place the tray as far from him as their cramped cabin would allow and then felt a hand brush the damp hair out of his face, briefly cooling his forehead.
Slowly, Katherine lifted his chin, her chilled fingers grazing the stubble that was beginning to grow and he felt his strained muscles relax slightly as she examined his face. "Does your head ache too?" The girl asked, concerned registering in her youthful eyes.
"Yes," he responded with a ground. "Very much."
"Can you lay down?" Katherine said quietly to mind his splitting headache. "That might help."
"I don't think so," he sighed with a shake of his head. "Not without the entire cabin spinning like a mill."
The girl hummed a murmur of assent before feeling how hot his head felt with the palm of Katherine's cool hand and then moved out his line of vision. There were a few hushed whispers shared between her and Melinda and then the girl handed his wife a pouch of herbs and left soon after.
She came toward him then, slightly tapping him on the shoulder. "Alright, move over," Melinda told him, soothingly, but firmly. "Lay on your side. It will be better for you and hopefully easier on your head than lying on your back."
He did so—slowly—making room for her on the bed and lying on his side. Melinda got up behind him on the mattress, a knee on either side of him, anchoring him to the reality that he was not in fact being tossed around on this ship, regardless of what his body was telling him. Gingerly at first, then more firmly, she began massaging his temples, and after a few moments, the relief from the headache elicited a deep groan from his throat.
Praise Mary, mother of God was this what her sister had told her to do? No wonder Katherine had left as quickly as she did. He was aware of the way he was slowly melting into his wife's frame behind him, and he had no desire to stop. This was everything he had needed during the last day at sea.
Another soft rumble from her chest forming into a chuckle flitted at his ear and he opened his eyes. "Does that feel better?" She asked, giggling.
He was only able to grumble something incomprehensible in appreciation while her fingers continued their circles, a welcome respite from the prior throbbing. Jim didn't know how long they sat that way, in silence: him taking strength from her fingertips and presence, her breathing in the quiet.
Then she spoke, "I'm sorry I haven't been here today." She told him. "I know it was only the first day, but I feel like the worst wife for leaving you down here like this."
"That's no matter," he gently patted her knee with his left hand. "You are here now like a gift from the heavens."
She sighed, still not feeling as though she had done enough for him. "You've been down here ill and I was—" She said.
He interrupted her. "I hardly could have joined you on deck, Melinda, and you had other things on your mind. You were taking care of our son." He explained softly with a shake of his head. "It is not a matter to be worried about."
Jim couldn't stand being anywhere but their bed—he couldn't stand at all, really—meanwhile, Melinda had found the stuffy cabin claustrophobic and yearned for the fresh air. Theodore seemed to enjoy the sea air as well from what she had told him the last few times she'd come to their cabin since they'd set off from the port. Their son was asleep in his cradle now and he'd spent most of the first day at sea heaving into a bucket while she stared at the open sea from the bow of the ship.
He knew what occupied her mind and the thought of it once again brought another wave of nausea. "Ah, Christ," he swore as his stomach lurched again and he bent over toward the bucket.
After a few steadying breaths and another curse, he settled against her again. They sat in silence a bit longer before she sidled out from behind him and rummaged in their trunk of belongings. Pulling out a piece of cloth, she wet it in the bowl of water beside their bed, and then Melinda returned to his side.
"Sit back. There was one more thing Katherine told me to try," she instructed and he did as she asked, leaning against the wall of their cabin. As Melinda ran the cloth along his brow, he wrinkled his nose as his eyes and nose stung from an intense scent. He didn't have to ask, but she obliged him. "It's peppermint and helps with nausea, and headaches sometimes too. Or it should," she offered kindly with a smile. "Katherine was the one who gave the herbs to me."
"If she says it will work than we can try it," he responded, placing a kiss on her wrist. "I trust both you and Katherine with my life."
The cloth slowly moved across his face and he looked at her. Really looked at her. For the first time since she'd entered their cabin, the nausea was clearing and Jim saw his wife clearly. Her dark hair was messy, curls displaced by the wind on the main deck and she seemed frail.
Still familiar to him—how could they not be? He thought—the lines of her face were sharper than he'd ever seen them. Her traveling dress was simple, a far cry from the lavish clothes he'd enjoyed seeing her in while at the Clancy manor, but she was strong—and so beautiful. Every inch of her.
For a second, her glass face revealed a flash of sadness when she caught his eyes. Just as quickly, the softness hardened. "I can brew some peppermint tea, or ginger even. You'll need to replenish the liquids you've lost, as well and I can apply some more acupressure if the headache comes back—"
"Melinda," He spoke again, more forcefully. "I will not deny this is helping, but there's no need for you to be cooped up down here with me while I wretch my insides out," he said, bitterly cursing the thought of upheaving again. "I know it must not be a sight you wish to see."
Her caresses stopped and she was sitting back on her feet, removed from him. "You don't think I want to be here for you?" she asked, her voice strained.
He shifted slightly to look at her better. "I am only saying you don't have to be if you don't want to," he replied.
Her eyes were pained and, with difficulty, she sighed, "I do. You are my husband, Jim, and I want to care for you." She paused and took his hand, running her fingers along his palm, then gripping with an intensity he hadn't expected.
It grounded him and he was unable to bring himself to look at her with how his head was spinning, so he clutched at her hand tightly. "Thank you for being here," he said, stroking her palm, her thumb, her wrist; listening, but still unable to raise his eyes to her.
After a moment, he immediately enveloped her in his arms, her head fitting into its spot on his shoulder. Jim's hands stroked her hair, her back, her neck, and she clung tightly to his loose shirt. They clung tightly to each other and with their bodies flush against each other every bit of tension was released, and they let themselves both relax for the first time in too long.