Author's Note: Hello! I am so sorry for the long wait! I have had this terrible writers block, and just couldn't think of the right way to write this chapter! Know, this chapter is a little shorter than I would have liked, but I promise to update soon! Please leave me a review and let me know what you think! I absolutely love getting feedback! Enjoy!
Chapter Twenty One: By The Pond
When I reach the pond, I see that Captain Li is already there. He is sitting on the ground near the water, the burlap sack that contains the bloody dog tags next to him. He hears me approach and turns in my direction. "Come and sit," he states, his face as emotionless as ever. I silently obey. Once seated, Captain Li hands me a wet rag and a dog tag. "We need to clean the blood off. It only makes the family feel worse if they see the blood." I nod and begin to scrub. A few beats pass of utter silence. Finally, the captain begins to speak.
"Every man reacts differently to his first battle. Some panic and hide. Others see it as their chance for glory or honor." He speaks while not taking his eyes off of the dog tag he is cleaning. "Today, during your first battle, you reacted in a way that few men do. You focused, you found an opportunity for us to get the upper hand, and instead of waiting for another man to risk it for you, you charged directly into battle without a second thought. Why?"
"Is it not our job as soldiers to defend our homeland no matter the cost?" I reply, a little confused. Is this an interrogation or something?
"Very true words, Ping, yet most draftees don't live by them. You do though. This is how you differ from the others, Ping. You have a sense of honor and discipline that is seen in a true soldier." Finally, he turns to face me. "Tell me, Ping. Are you afraid to die?"
At first, I am caught a little off guard by this question, but I am relieved that it is something I can answer truthfully. "No, sir. My father taught me when I was young that death is not something we should be frightened of. The ancestors will decide when our time has come."
Captain Li seems satisfied with my answer and gives me a look as if I have passed some sort of test. 'Is that what this is? A test? What am I being tested for?' Still, the captain makes no move to answer why I am being asked these things. Is it just me, or do I see a tiny smile of amusement on his face at the fact that I am so confused?
We continue cleaning the dog tags in companionable silence. I have learned that Li Shang seems to be a man of few words. Finally, after all of the dog tags have been cleaned, I am dismissed. But, just as I turn to leave, the captain seems to think of something he forgot to say. "You know, Ping, in war, it is hard to know who you can trust. It is good to know that there is a man as good and trustworthy as you in the army." With this, Captain Li Shang gives me the tiniest smile.
I freeze, feeling my stomach clench with guilt. 'As good and trustworthy as you.' The words echo in my head. 'As good and trustworthy as you.' For the first time, I find myself wanting to confess everything. I want to confess that he shouldn't trust me because I am nothing but a liar and a fraud. Alas, I know that this is something I cannot do, so instead I bow, bid the captain goodnight, and, after walking a few meters away, run as fast as I can to Tent 2. I need to talk to Mushu before I go into full breakdown mode.