The first part is two days after the last chapter. The second part is three days after the first part.
* •
China
December 14th
1958
When Basch Zwingli arrived, Toris thought it was a miracle. It was the morning of December 14th and Maxim was definitely going to die that night, yet the Swiss was there. He brought a Vietnamese doctor who made everyone tremble on their shoes - except Gupta. Her name was Dinh Tiên Huệ and she helped Toris in a terrible surgery to save the boy's life. She didn't speak a word aside Vietnamese, but she was completely explicit in her expressions and hands, so they managed everything well.
He was going to live. Toris was so happy that he left Basch with Tiên Huệ and went to tell Ivan to see if he has a response.
"Maxim is going to live."
Not a single reaction. The Russian spent two days without saying a single sentence or getting out of the sheets. He was staring at the ceiling and dealing with his thoughts as if he didn't have a soul to replenish his carcass. Raivis had the habit to go to his room and knit next to his mattress. He always gives up when the Russian watches him focused and the boy conversates with Ivan in a nervous manner. Eduard changes his sheets at least once an hour and Ivan was getting smoother every time the Estonian does that. Sadik seemed grateful about his protection so he made amends with the Russian. He is the one trying to make him eat something and he always talks too much when he is in the room. Usually about adventures in Ankara, Istanbul and his several dogs. Although Gupta was deadly careful, he spent a lot of time in the room reading or praying next to the mattress with Ivan's glare on him. According to the situation, the Lithuanian was going into the room at least three times a day to check his health.
They were all terrified by his condition.
Toris wasn't able to sleep that night due to his delighted situation. He was thinking about Feliks' surprise and what to do next with his family. After some time checking on Ivan's misery and emotionless expression, Toris went to see Maxim. The Vietnamese placed his mattress in Mei Chan's room and filled his bed with cute things then he wakes up in a friendly environment, nevertheless, she seemed a little war-torn in the room as if she knew it somehow.
Toris was so deep in his thoughts he didn't see Ivan entering the room. He sat next to the mattress in the darkroom and pressed his fingers on Maxim's neck to make sure he was breathing. Then he took a container of noodles and a bottle of Vodka from his jacket. He poured into the container until the bottle was half empty then he drank it all before eating the noodles.
"Do you want anything else?"
The Russian nodded negatively.
"Are your bandages holding well?"
The Russian nodded positively before sucking a noodle with chopsticks.
"Do you want us to help you shower?"
He stopped and stared at Toris. Judging by his look, the answer was a "Нет". He continued to eat the noodles.
Toris needed to break the silence. Just like the car ride they had a few months ago and the car ride they had a month ago, he wanted to talk to that stranger. It has been a long time since Ivan was laying on that mattress without moving and he wanted to enjoy that glimpse of emotion.
"Can we talk?"
It took a long time to receive an answer. It came in a weak voice as if something was scratching on Ivan's throat and every syllable was another pain.
"About what?"
"You know what."
Ivan's mood was intimidating. He sucked the noodles with skill and he almost looked Chinese with the aspects of his aesthetic.
"Not a single word about this." He clarified pointing to the scar behind the scarf. "I don't mind talking about bruises, but don't enter the subject about the ripped skin. Nor the marks obviously made with a mouth."
He considered that. Toris sighed before he started to talk.
"Why were you screaming that way when they were here?" The Lithuanian inquired in a low voice. "I searched for any signs of injuries that make someone that hopeless and I didn't find anything. Besides the obvious, you are basically normal..."
He appeared to be considering the best answer. Perhaps, he was trying to talk about that subject without breaking miserably on the ground.
"They injected Sarin. It is a derivative of Organophosphates and it was developed by Germans to create insecticides, but they ended up creating a biological weapon used on the Great War. It enables the brain's ability to relax the muscles and they flex more and more until the pain is unbearable. It was a low quantity so I didn't die. There are no sequels from this poison, happily. My muscles stopped hurting a few hours ago. The shower was excruciating, although I couldn't say that."
"Sorry..."
He smiled making his broken face larger and more creepy. Toris shivered to that childish smile.
"Why did you allow them to do that to you? I'm sure you can defend yourself at least to avoid that."
"I deserved it."
"Ivan, how can you say that? You didn't do anything."
"I disobeyed them."
"Why are you speaking as they own you?" He asked completely disgusted by the certainty in the Russian's face. "You can find another job. You seem smart. I am sure you can leave this and find something else..."
"I told I have been here since I was a child." He mumbled showing all the broken he had inside. "Where would I go?"
"Come with us."
Ivan glanced at him as if he was seeing a ghost.
"They will find me and Raivis, Eduard and you are going to return to a Gulag while I will return to the basis. I will live the same life knowing I killed you." He responded with a certain tone, however, his voice was empty. "Trust me. They always find me."
The Lithuanian flinched. The darkness in the room made the silence more bearable, but he could hear Ivan's silent breathing and the gulped vodka in his throat to his stomach. The Lithuanian has always hated the silence in a meaningful way so he wanted to break the horrible hush.
"You know... The time I've spent in this house I was wondering a few things." He admitted in a whisper. Toris was feeling sleepy, it must have passed midnight, howbeit he wasn't willing to doze at the moment. "Like who are the ones in the two graveyards; why are two lanterns in the balcony... These walls seem to have stories. I would like to hear them someday, but I won't force you to tell me."
The Russian stared at him putting the bottle down. He appeared to be considering Toris and his glare was pure kindness. He showed emotion for a glimpse of second and it was abnormally gentle. It was like he was remembering something beautiful.
"Gē ge..." He commenced the sentence, but his voice was too rough and cracked to continue. He took a deep breath and drank more Vodka. "Wang Yao and Mei Chan are buried there."
Ivan's teacher was dead. Does he care about that fact? Toris regretted the thought, but he was still aware of the Russian. He might not have chosen this path, yet he continued.
"Who were them to you, Ivan? You seem deeply attached to this place."
He closed his red eyes and seemed exhausted. Toris noticed how his muscles were steady and his limbs were weak when he tried to move them even a centimetre. He drank more.
"I came here by train when I was seven years old to learn languages, even if Wang Yao refused to teach. They didn't give him much choice. He thought I was going to be another grown-up that can threaten his children, so he was going to put up with me in a hotel to educate me as quick as possible. But he was shocked when he saw I was a child. He has always been weak next to anyone that can make him think about his younger brother who left for Japan with Yao's father and never came back. He took me to this house where he lived with his three adoptive children. Hai Guo, Mei Chan and Li Xiao. Their parents died due to famine or other disastrous things humans can avoid, but they don't."
He drank more.
"About Mei Chan..." Toris pointed glaring at the wheelchair. "Does the wheelchair also belonged to her?"
"Yes. I'm getting there. She came from Taiwan and Li Xiao came from Hong Kong. I don't know where Hai Guo was from, but I know his first language was Portuguese. He was the oldest. He used to leave for work every Monday and he only was home furthermore on Friday and during the weekend. He used to own the room with all the things matching the sea and he hated Mondays with all his limbs. Mei Chan was the most optimistic person I have ever met. She used to use 'Avaloteshvara' to refer to Yao. Li Xiao was a stubbornly independent teenager and he used to fight with Yao all the time. Even though Yao was carrying him on his back since Li Xiao was six years old."
He paused for a second to drink more.
"I didn't have trust in them at the beginning. I used to hide in several places and wait until they stopped looking for me. But Yao cared for me. Li Xiao played with me all day when he wasn't studying. Mei Chan taught me religion and history; even though I am terrible at learning and concentrating. Hai Guo used to bring me books from libraries in the town he worked to help me study."
The Lithuanian smiled. He saw something in his words; gratitude and bitterness.
"You liked living here."
"I had to. I have arrived here when I was seven years old and stayed until I was thirteen or twelve. During this time a lot of bad things happened, but those were the best years of my life. Yao taught me about the world and more languages than he should. He was supposed to teach me English, French, and German, but he taught me how to write in Russian since I only learned how to read. He also taught me Mandarin, Portuguese, Kazakh, Vietnamese, Italian, Spanish and Bulgarian; all of these were languages I was interested in. He attempted to teach me Cantonese, Japanese, and Mongolian, but I didn't learn those that well. He was supposed to be harsh with me, but he wasn't. He tried several ways to help me concentrate and develop the things I lacked. But he also gave me freedom and care. I played like a child should without regulations; I had amazing food to eat every day; I used to sleep all the hours I wanted; I have learned things I wanted to learn like knitting and religion... I loved here. I used to crave to make this my home and I wished to make a family out of them." He admitted and closed his dreamy eyes. It was innocent for a second before he drank from the bottle once more. "And I really thought Yao and the others loved me. It was blessed. At least, for a while. One day the Soviets appeared on the house to take me back and I begged and wailed to stay there with them. Yao turned to me and said something in Mandarin before screaming something in Russian. I thought he was going to explain, or say goodbye or apologize, but he didn't do any of these."
He drank until the bottle was empty.
"Never saw him again."
"What did he do?"
"He spoke in Mandarin 'What is more unfair than having to choose between being a monster and being a hero? When you have to be both.'" He answered with a melancholic voice. "Pathetic."
The Lithuanian didn't know who Ivan was talking about.
"What did he say in Russian?"
"This will never be your home."
Toris was speechless with all that information. He tried to think about a little child loving a place and being taken away like it meant nothing. Especially the person that the child believed more than anything was the one who expelled he wasn't welcomed. He wondered how he could continue the subject, although he was already feeling too much information in his mind.
"And the lanterns?"
"Yao used to make lanterns for his children all the time. Every time he and Li Xiao have forgiven each other after a new fight, Yao launched a lantern to the sky. It was tons of lanterns every month, trust me. Mei Chan had a disease in which her muscles were losing its power every day and she needed the wheelchair after the disease was farther than it used to be."
He licked his lips and drank the last sip before continuing.
"Yao used to launch a lantern to Mei Chan every time she was able to do something like raise her arm or eat something by herself. He launched a lantern to the sky when the disease finally killed her when I wasn't here. He completed a lantern for Hai Guo when he didn't come home. I was fifteen in Russia when he just disappeared without explanation and Yao left the house every day for three months looking in all the region and asking for him everywhere, however, it was like the boy became smoke. The lantern was never launched and Yao used to sit next to it in the balcony waiting for Hai Guo to materialize at the edge of the mountain every day." He explained closing his fingers carefully in his lap. He was drunk, nonetheless, he didn't seem like he was. Only his eyes were more narrowed in a tired manner. "Yao was killed by the red men when I was eighteen and I don't know why. I came to the Village, found Li Xiao and he told me everything that happened after I left. He wanted to commence his life somewhere else and he asked for my help. He wanted to live alone far from all the pain and the happiness he felt in that house, so I helped him to create new documents with my contact. Li Xiao left for a small country in the middle of the Ocean that sometimes doesn't even appear on the maps. I will die before I say the name out loud. He sends me letters sometimes in my fake address in Russia, which is Nora's, but I don't think I need to read them."
Before he was able to respond, someone knocked on the door. Tiên Huệ entered the room holding a cold glare on Ivan and being followed by Basch Zwingli. The Russian smiled like a child or a killer; then he said something in Vietnamese to her. They talked for four sentences before the woman left.
"Who are you and how did you manage to make her talk?" Basch inquired with a wave of unexpected anger. "We've been working together for years and she barely says something besides my name."
"We've known each other since she tried to abandon me in Mongolia when I was eight years old."
Basch blinked his aquamarine eyes in his direction and he didn't seem impressed or confused. Toris was startled when he met that man. When Gupta told about him, he pictured an old man with a wise gaze and a gentle silhouette. Basch was basically a bitter opposite. He was tough and his glare was a rock against your sins. He seemed gentle enough to scream to you to drink water and live happily, but never hug or kiss your face after you cry.
"Seriously... Who the fuck are you?"
"Great question."
"He is the one that saved Maxim and my brothers."
Basch stopped and stared at Ivan. Toris didn't know how long, nevertheless, he saw something in Ivan's emotionless eyes and childish smile. A humbled feeling buried deep behind the apathetic mask that matched despair. The Lithuanian translated that he was relieved that someone like Toris was beside him.
"He is going to live." Basch said a little softer. Toris was too busy with Maxim earlier to notice something in him, but he paid attention to the Swiss for once. His aquamarine eyes were marked by the horrible things he saw during the job as a nurse in war zones and his skin was marked by his bones because of the same reason. Toris tried to not stare at his right hand that was missing at least two fingers or the scars he had on the same hand that, certainly, made him left-handed. His clothes were the perfect match for the Swiss military, but he seemed peaceful in them. He had deep loneliness in his semblance. "The real question is where and with whom."
Ivan laid his head on his own shoulders and sighed. He had a serious expression now when he crossed his legs in front of him as if he was comfortable, but Toris knew better.
"I have a contact in Russia that takes care of children in some kind of orphanage. We can send him there."
"Not an orphanage!" Toris clarified thinking about his years spent in one. It wasn't horrible, but the chance something horrible happens was bigger there. He saw children in all kinds of lives dealing the same lonely way. "He needs something more meaningful. A family."
Basch sat next to Maxim on the mattress and crossed his arms. He was sleeping through the madness with tubes and long eyelashes.
"Does he have a family to have something meaningful?"
"Taalay said his older brother died a year ago." Ivan responded in a low voice. He was obviously dealing with a lot of stress, nonetheless, he was trying to remain neutral and focused. "I could search for his parents."
The Swiss sighed.
"This can take some time. I can take care of him while you search, then. Or at least I know someone that can take care of him as parents. My associates are living in Switzerland right now and they just adopted a child, accordingly, they wanted another child after some period. They had enough time. This boy is going to stay with them."
Toris pressed his lips together.
"Who are them?"
"Their names are Roderich and Elizabeta Héderváry. I have known them since I was a teenager; they are actually good. I was already wanting to come home after four years of working." He explained opening and closing his damaged hand, but he only manages to move his fingers slightly and shaking. The Swiss was the literal definition of bitter. "So I can take him to a place better than yours."
He looked at Ivan like he was challenging to a war. The Russian just stared at him with a cold glare.
"Ivan, right? Why don't you work for Edelweiss with me and Tiên Huệ? You are the kind of people we need in camps taking innocent people out."
Ivan snickered displaying the bruises with a bitter pride. Or acceptance; it was difficult to tell because his face was always emotionless and cold.
"I am not interested in receiving more punishment for disobedience."
"You sound like a slave."
Ivan's smile disappeared while his eyes became similar to Sadik's when he was infuriated. Basch looked to Toris ignoring him. The Lithuanian felt on the wrong edge because the Swiss wasn't delicate with his words and every sentence seemed like a shot.
"As for you, I think Gupta and Sadik are wasting time here waiting for you. They want you for something, don't they?"
"Yes."
"Then you should stop making them waste time. They could be delivering resources and saving lives, but they are here waiting for you."
"Don't worry. We are going tonight."
"Good. This is my address and my phone." He replied then approached Toris with a paper. He glanced at Ivan making his blonde hair swivel. "If you hear anything about Maxim's parents contact Toris and he can contact me."
Basch left the room after this.
Toris looked at the Russian searching for something, nonetheless, Ivan was already standing up to remove himself from the room too.
"Wait!" He called before he left. "Ivan, if you want anything else you from us..."
"I don't need you anymore."
Toris swallowed dryly.
"When we meet again, should I receive you with a gun or a hug?"
He wanted to hear Ivan say he preferred to go with Toris, Eduard, and Raivis; say with every word he is done with all the abuse he suffered from his superiors and say he wants a dignified life to live with people that actually like him or may love him someday. The Lithuanian also wanted to speak at least a sentence to try to make him accept that life. What could he say to make Ivan stop his crucial, yet cruel, duty? Perhaps, Toris should have been more patient and Ivan should have been softer, but they were both right and wrong. It was a great responsibility and both of them had upper hands controlling their wires. Nonetheless, they could have been friends and family in a more gentle reality. An actual home without the upper hand where they respect each other completely. They could become in that second.
"I can't quit and you can't save me. And, honestly, I don't want you to try." He mumbled on the edge of leaving. "Just leave me alone. We won't meet again."
That was the penultimate time Toris saw him and the last time with only one name.
•
Netherlands
December 17th
1958
The Lithuanian was feeling the time passing slowly through his veins and the air was clenching on his lungs as a claw. Everything and everyone in the room was fading in his vision when another step was taken in the line he was waiting for all morning. What was he supposed to do if his brothers are stopped by the authorities and their permissions are taken? He doesn't even know if their documents are going to be denied by the authorities or if his own documents are going to work. He doesn't know if his story about why he was in China was going to be accepted by the Dutch authorities or if Eduard and Raivis are going to tell the same story. He was Markus Klein Heidelberg and he was safe because the Americans made sure of it. But Eduard was still Eduard and Raivis was still Raivis. They didn't have a disguise or a nice display for the world as they were basically Soviets coming from Turkey. Gupta said it was going to be fine since, according to him, "They are white". But Toris was more apprehensive at every step he was taking.
His time came. He gave his speech about a doctor helping the misfortunes in China after the war and the officer was nice to him, though he asked explicitly where the German accent was. Toris said he spent most of his life travelling, especially during the Great War, and the officer arose even more sympathetic. He walked feeling a dangerous feeling in his stomach with his European passport signed and ready to live how long he wished inside Europe.
Toris was supposed to meet Eduard and Raivis outside the train station, but they weren't there. He sat on the dirty ground trying to remain calm. People were passing through him as if he was radioactive, however, he wasn't paying much attention. The Lithuanian learned a lot living a month with Sadik and Gupta who didn't mind eating with their hands or sitting on the floor wherever they were. Toris waited for a long time. So much he started to sing. His voice was low, but he still sang Jei ne auksiness vausaros so he could materialize Ivan next to him. At least, in a dream, he came with them.
Someone threw a coin at him for his voice and Toris chuckled. He noticed the man that threw the coin was still standing in front of him and the Lithuanian was startled by it. He raised from the ground with his simple baggage and stared at the man.
"Toris Laurinaitis?" The man asked. "You speak English, correct?"
The man had a scar on his forehead. His hair was awfully laughable for a person so horrifying, but he was still intimidating as an axe. He was smoking a pipe and he had the smell of smoke and tulips. His clothes screamed money and Toris humble rags were hearing it in an uncomfortable manner. The blonde was taller than him and he seemed more inclined to show this or Toris was just jealous because the only person he seemed tall standing next to was Feliks.
"Yes. You are...?"
"I'm Vincent Van Der Heide. I was Feliks' friend. I'm supposed to deliver your surprise." He clarified in English with a strong accent. "Can you come with me? Your brothers are already there."
Toris was so relieved he didn't even care if this was the fourth time a stranger was supposed to meet him somewhere.
"Are everyone okay? What about Gupta and Sadik?"
Vincent was firm when he answered.
"They were prohibited to cross the border. They said something about goodbye."
He thought about how Gupta and Sadik just stop being themselves when they are watching the setting sun. The way the Egyptian was less steady and the Turkish was less soft. He was going to miss low whispers destined to Mecca and the serene aura next to him watching the sunset. He was going to miss Sadik's competition with everything and his tales from One Thousand And One Nights and his voyages during the orange twilight. Toris said goodbye to people he knew for little time, but he felt he was going to remember them for lives.
He left the train station with Vincent and they spent a two hours car ride in complete silence. The Lithuanian was too excited to think about talking and his mind was extremely noisy with every single perspective he was having about Feliks' surprise. Also, Vincent was refusing every conversation. The car stopped in the street corner of some random avenue.
"I should give you a resume, but my sister Emma said I was going to ruin Feliks' surprise if I do." Vincent explained smoking a cigarette in the car with the windows closed. "Then, go to the number 1354 in this street. Your brothers are there and you will find a letter in the centre."
"Centre?"
"No explanations, or deep speeches or something people cry about. Just go!"
Toris cleaned his throat before leaving the car.
"Thank you."
"I will come to check on you every now and then. Tell your brother he starts on monday."
"Thank you."
Amsterdam was sunny on that specific day as the sky was clean and the air was a calm breeze. He walked through the street and he enjoyed the architecture in that place. It almost made him think about the houses in Žvėrynas or the peaceful mood of Bubiai-Padubysis-Forest. He smiled a little when he saw children playing with bubbles on the street and laughing at its forms.
"Širdis."
He stopped when he heard a girl's voice between the children playing.
"Ne! Tai kamuolys."
They were speaking in Lithuanian.
He walked a little faster looking at the numbers until he reached the place he was supposed to be. He stared at the one-floor house first by its garden. It was a small piece of green in the house next to the street, but Toris was shocked to see beautiful rues oriented by colour. He noticed the windows, though he saw them before when he touched its mosaics. They were displaying as a church or a castle in the front image of the house. The walls were a calm shade of peach and the adornments around the house were simple with a green plant annexed to the wall climbing to the roof.
He ringed the bell and the brown door opened to Raivis with his eyes narrowed and his face bright. He stared deeply into Toris before beaming. He was wearing the same clothes from before plus an apron.
"Hey, brother." He saluted with his eyes on the ground. "You need to see this!"
When the Lithuanian entered the house he was already feeling his interior bursting with colours. The house was like any other at first glance, but the decoration was obviously made for Toris and he was startled by that fact. He saw a Lithuanian flag placed as a painting, a map of Vilnius' neighbourhoods displayed as a portrait on the wall and a small coat of arms next to another rue on a vase. The place was in a rustic appearance with wooden furniture and a floor glowing in timber. One wall had an abnormal massive mirror in the form of a cross and Toris saw his astonished face in it. The house wasn't enormous; it was comfortably in the matter of space and intimacy.
"You wouldn't guess the best part!" Raivis exclaimed holding his brother's hand. "It's all ours."
They passed fast to the simple kitchen decorated in granite and a large glass door displaying the perfect and decorated garden. They went to the rooms and the Lithuanian was speechless to the art in the corridor. He saw pieces of art that only belonged to his country like Sonata Of The Stars by M. K. Čiurlionis and Street In Vilnius by Vincentas Dmachauskas. There was even a sculpture that he didn't recognize.
Toris was shocked to see Eduard listening to coral on the radio in a separated room. The room had a decoration the Lithuanian was a little unfamiliar with, but his brother seemed completely comfortable. He was focused on writing next to the window as if the world was friendly, the air was healthy and the humans were good again. Perhaps, he was writing to Tino or he was just making calculations. Either way, he was doing something that truly makes him the same smart and focused person he has always been. Perhaps, after a long time, he will be able to speak the same amount of words he used to say and show the same sparkling charisma.
"These are Estonian decorations in his room. There are also several things from Latvia in mine. Your room is definitely the best." He exclaimed in a low voice to not disturb Eduard and they moved to the end of the hallway joyfully. Toris was happy at how his little brother resembled the child he was. He was alarmed for a second and the Lithuanian was attentive to some danger. "Oh, my Dark Rye Bread!"
Not a threat, just normal things.
His brother ran to the kitchen in a desperate scramble and tripped on a carpet. He was getting better with his vision to at least be able to live by himself. Toris chuckled at their situation before continuing his trip to the room in slow steps. He hesitated at the door. This was the last breath Feliks was going to give before truly disappearing. Although Toris wanted to understand what was happening, he was still apprehensive to lose his friend forever. Again.
The Lithuanian pressed his eyes to hold the despair in his brain where it was supposed to be. He tried to take another step forward, but it was difficult for several reasons.
He jumped when the door opened. He looked at the hand on the knob and followed its arm until he was gazing at his brother. Eduard was pale and his stolen glasses didn't have a lense, however, he seemed willing to wear them either way. He obviously missed his real glasses. Toris bet he was having a terrible headache for forcing his vision for writing.
"What are you afraid of?"
"Honest?" Toris asked nervously and chuckled. "Needles and silence."
Eduard frowned upon him.
"Needles? You are a doctor!" He pointed out before placing his glasses up his nose, even if they weren't falling. An old obsession. "You know what I implied, Toris. Go over there and discover what he left to you."
The Lithuanian pressed his lips together. An old habit.
"What if those are his last words and I don't like them?"
"Stop being so dramatic and go."
Eduard opened the door in a push.
The room was bigger than the others. He liked small spaces, but Toris never minded big spaces. The first thing he noticed was the window displaying the sunset, however, he was already gazing at everything else. On the ceiling, there were tiny lines holding Air Balloons as if he was back in Vilnius and a whole wall was displaying an art he could only see in a Lithuanian building in Naujamiest. The bed was in the centre next to an item of pale furniture that held a desk and several drawers – Toris never liked wardrobes because they remind him he doesn't have tons of clothes. There were objects in the desk that matched Lithuanian monuments and books in Lithuanian displayed on the bookshelf that made a Г form above the bed. A bathroom annexed to the bedroom had a mirror in a cross form. The objects imitating monuments were the Three Crosses, Tv Tower and Gediminas Tower. The books were a collection with books like The Forest of the Gods, Seven Hundred Years of German-Lithuanian Relations and, of course, several books from Adam Mickiewicz.
The Lithuanian's eyes stopped on the desk. A letter was standing proudly.
He held the paper in his hands as if it was pure gold before he opened with care. He recognized Feliks' fabulous handwriting and the way he always makes a curve on signs to make them more delicate.
Dear Toris,
Did you like it? I was afraid you didn't because, you know, you usually are exigent about things and stuff. But I tried to make everything very patriotic for you in an annoying way. There is even an obelisk on the garden that matches the one Lithuania built on the so-called "Center of Europe". We both know it's Poland, but let's not argue in a letter since I win. Well, I made the house with just one floor because I thought about your flat little country. Seriously, your country doesn't even have the highest point than 0,2 kilometres. It was unthinkable to design windows copying the ones from Vilnius' university, but I am an amazing architect, ain't I? As for the books, I had to search through the old scrips of the book smugglers and, guess what, I didn't find anything I can buy. But a lot of Lithuanians helped me with the basic tales and important books. I have always believed you are the most patriotic people in the world; now I'm a hundred per cent sure. The paintings are all, like, imitations. I'm not the Vikings or the Louvre, Toris. I can't steal art from other countries. I couldn't recreate the Hill Cross because that place is creepy but there are tons of crosses filling this place. Let's talk seriously, Toris. You are, like, an atheist. You shouldn't care for crosses. As you must have noticed, this is a neighbourhood filled with immigrants. More Lithuanians. The city you are living in is the most multicultural from the Netherlands and it is one of the best cities to live in all of Europe. Vincent Van Der Heide told me so. He helped me with the rues, like, your national flower, the whole garden and the decoration for the three of you. He also was meant to take care of the house whilst you don't arrive, like, I hope he did it. I paid that handsome bastard. He is a good fellow who will check on you every now and then. He even says he can hire Eduard as an accountant for his family and Raivis can go to school with his recommendation. As for you, I'm sure you can find a job with your name and reputation during the Great War.
In a resume, Toris, I know you love this tiny country and I love it too. Even if I missed Poland like a disastrous injury during the years I spent there, you made every centimetre of that country special with the love you have for that place. You made my life in there worthy living. Every song you sang is going to follow me all the way to heaven – which it's the place you are going whether you believe it or not. I need to see you! Nevertheless, I was worried about you living in a place where so much can be taken from you in such a small amount of time. Especially because you are involved with me. I wouldn't want to contemplate the look in your eyes when you watch your culture being erased once more. You deserve a place where you can speak Lithuanian, eat things with sour cream, read your tales and be sincerely happy. So with this letter, I'm asking you. Please, stay in the Netherlands where you are safe and sound with your brothers.
This is my suicide note, I guess. I have cancer in my blood that spread to my organs and I won't live long. SURPRISE! I have a slight chance, but I don't think it's worth it all the suffering I would be in for a few more years and the effort you would make for me. I wanted to live badly and stay with our family in a place where I can finally stop sleeping with an eye open. I wanted to write a book and I wish you can accomplish that for me. I needed to win this in my way; I wish I was there with you when you read this, but, as you can see, there aren't Polish decorations. I can't stay so I will leave in a fabulous way. Don't you think I earned it?
Yours, sincerely.
Feliks.
Ps. I hope next life I can come in a time where people can wear whatever they want. I love dresses!
I love dresses.
Those were Feliks' last words.
Toris read everything at least two times and he always stopped at cancer. At first, he believed he was too oblivious to notice Feliks' mental illness that made him kill himself. He blamed himself for not helping his friend to seek professional help, especially when he used to focus on that branch of medicine in college. Now, knowing that he had a physical condition, Toris realizes that he was the professional help. He blamed himself for not noticing. He should have seen something. But blaming himself alone is too painful. Toris was crying for everything he went through and smiling for the same reason. All the years taking care of other people's times; all the folk songs he sang on the street; all the people he loved. If everything happened so he can have peace with his family, he was going to forgive Feliks and himself for it. He was thinking about himself first and the feeling was promising.
* •
Very long chapter. Sorry.
"They injected Sarin. It is a derivative of Organophosphates and it was developed by Germans to create insecticides, but they ended up creating a biological weapon used on the Great War. It enables the brain's ability to relax the muscles and they flex more and more until the pain is unbearable. It was a low quantity so I didn't die and there are no sequels from this poison. My muscles stopped hurting a few hours ago."
Also known as GB, sarin is an odourless, colourless liquid that carries the chemical composition [(CH3)2CHO]CH3P(O)F. As a weapon, it is usually employed in gas form, as evaporated sarin is more likely to cause more damage to a larger area. It is considered to be one of the most toxic and fast-acting among its chemical weapon contemporaries, rendering the same effects as extremely effective insecticides. According to the Council of Foreign Relations, sarin is classified as a "toxic nerve agent," causing the most damage to the nervous system once exposed to or inhaled by its human victims. Specifically, the effects of sarin exposure depend on three factors: (1) point/s of contact (eyes, throat, skin, or inhalation), (2) the amount of sarin that entered the system, and (3) how long the contaminant was exposed. In the simplest of terms, sarin as a nerve agent "turns our own nervous systems against us." (Hamblin, 2013) It alters the usual functioning of neurotransmitters by blocking the messages, and in effect, repeating the message over and over, such as tear ducts producing excessive tears or repetitive muscular twitching at the point of contact. This may be manifested in more extreme effects such as stopping the function of more vital organs such as the lungs or permanent paralysis to muscles, which may lead to death in 1 to 10 minutes upon contact.
Ivan was exposed by an extremely small amount directly in his blood and it was from a needle that stayed in his veins for two seconds. He screamed for at least five minutes and stayed suffering in silence for at least ten. You may remember that Ivan wasn't able to move and he was letting tears out of his eyes. One of the effects of this biological weapon is that it has no sequels. Seriously, if you don't die you won't have any permanent damage after it.
I don't know where Hai Guo was from, but I know his first language was Portuguese.
Macau.
Hai means "sea" and Guo means "country".
As for aph Hong Kong, Li comes from the Chinese character 力that means power and Xiao comes from the character 萧that means sad and mournful. I chose this name because I have a side story for Hong Kong in the fanfiction. His mother wasn't ready to be pregnant and every second she spent with him was a great sadness until she gave him up to the street. Yao found him gathering feathers off on the sidewalk. He asked two questions: "What is your name" and "What species of birdy do these feathers belong to?". Li Xiao answered his pitiful name and said he doesn't know, although he wanted to. Yao started to write his name with the 枭character that means "Little owl". "Xiao" has thousands of meanings, so Yao wanted to give a better one for him and answer his doubts.
Mei comes from the character 美which means "beautiful" and I chose Chan because it reminded of the Japanese pronoun "Chan" and we all know how Taiwan likes Japanese culture.
Mei Chan was the most optimistic person I have ever met. She used to use Avaloteshvara to refer to Yao.
Avaloteshvara is a Bodhisattva from the Buddhist philosophy. Bodhisattvas were the people able to reach the illumination and the Nirvana (basically the highest level to reach in Buddhism before Buddha) and they would choose to stay on the same level as other people to help them in whatever they need. In the Buddhist philosophy, Avaloteshvara was the bodhisattva that had a thousand arms and two thousand eyes to help everyone. The Sanskrit name "Avalokiteshvara" is interpreted many ways - "The One Who Hears the Cries of the World"; "The Lord Who Looks Down"; "The Lord Who Looks in Every Direction."
Then, go to the number 1354 in this street.
1354 = year the Archy Duchy of Lithuania was established.
It almost made him think about the houses in Žvėrynas or the peaceful mood of Bubiai-Padubysis-Forest. He smiled a little when he saw children playing with bubbles on the street and laughing at its forms.
Žvėrynas = it's a neighbourhood from Vilnius where is like the "suburb" since there is only houses with simple ceilings and gardens in front of them. A very detailed architecture can be observed and it's simple at the same time.
Bubiai-Padubysis-Forest = forest in Lithuania.
Children playing with bubbles on the street is from a picture of Lithuania I saw once.
Širdis = Heart
Ne! Tai kamuolys = "No. It's a ball."
(They are designing forms for the bubbles.)
One wall had an abnormal massive mirror in the form of a cross and Toris saw his astonished face in it.
There is a monument on Lithuania that displays several crosses and it's called the Hill Cross. Kind of creepy in my opinion. Feliks agrees with me. Lovely city, truly.
Dark Rye Bread = something they eat A LOT in Latvia.
On the ceiling, there were tiny lines holding Air Balloons as if he was back in Vilnius and a whole wall was displaying an art he could only see in a Lithuanian building in Naujamiest.
Vilnius is known as the only capital that allows air balloons. If you see pictures from the city there is always a symphony of balloons in the sky.
Naujamiest = also a neighbourhood from Vilnius. It is filled with buildings and you should learn that Vilnius is considered the best city to travel if you want to contemplate architecture.
There is even an obelisk on the garden that matches the one Lithuania built on the so-called 'Center of Europe'. We both know it's Poland, but let's not argue in a letter since I win.
There is a fight about that and Lithuania built a monument for that. I don't take sides.
As for the books, I had to search through the old scrips of the book smugglers and, guess what, I didn't find anything I can buy.
After the Polish-Lithuanian insurrection of 1863, the Russian Imperial government intensified its efforts to Russify the Lithuanian population and alienate it from its historic roots, including the Roman Catholic faith, which had become widespread during the years of the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth. During the summer of 1863, Tsar Alexander II issued Temporary Rules for State Junior Schools of the Northwestern Krai, ruling that only Russian-language education would be allowed there. Therefore, the use of the Latin alphabet for the Lithuanian-language was totally banned. The book smugglers worked to circumvent this ban printed Lithuanian language, enforced by the occupying Russian Empire, from 1865 to 1904. Sure, the official language for state business is one thing, but crucially, schoolbooks had to be written using the Cyrillic alphabet, rather than Latin, which the Lithuanian language uses. It was a direct attempt to extinguish the Lithuanian language and, by extension – culture. Underground schools were set up that used the smuggled books to teach proper Lithuanian – sometimes as supplementary after school activity organized by sympathetic teachers, in churches, sometimes at home. The book smugglers became a symbol of Lithuanians' resistance to Russification.
You deserve a place where you can speak Lithuanian, eat things with sour cream, read your tales and be sincerely happy.
Seriously; almost every dish I searched about Lithuanian cuisine had sour cream. Who am I to judge? I eat the same thing every day.
I hope I described this amazing country well :)