Day 66

My stomach was growling when Daryl and I stored the last of our few bags on Dale's RV but I forced myself to ignore it, sure that everybody else were just as hungry. The truck where I'd been travelling since the beginning with Merle and Daryl was about to be left behind, just as T-Dog's van and Shane's Jeep, and Daryl and I would be hitting the road on the bike. I confess I got a bit emotional over the old truck Daryl has stolen from Mr. Walker, but just for a moment.

I took a couple more minutes to check if everybody was fine before moving to where Daryl was waiting for me, leaning against the bike.

"All set?" he asked with his head low but looking at me, trying to protect his eyes from the sunrise, a cigarette between his fingers.

"All good," I stopped close to him. "Full tank?"

He hummed confirming and took a last pull of the cigarette before throwing it far on the street.

"God, I'm dying for a smoke…"

"Yeah, well," Daryl said as he got up and turned to the bike, throwing one leg over it. "Ya ain't havin' it."

I just groaned in response and waited for Daryl to get set. The RV and Rick's car were already starting and he nodded to let me know I could join him. I settled awkwardly, the straps of the seat bag under me making it a bit uncomfortable, but the most uncomfortable part was not knowing what to do with my hands. Should I hold on to the bike seat? To Daryl's shoulder, to his waist? He told me to hold on and I instinctively went to the last option, my hands holding on just enough to be safe rather than grabbing him as I'd like. He took off in front of the cars and they followed suit as Daryl made distance between us and the nursing home, the CDC and slowly away from the city.

"What's up with the vest?" I asked as I leaned a bit closer to his ear.

Almost imperceptibly, Daryl flinched. It was for just a millisecond, and just slightly, but I caught it because I was touching him. He turned his head to me as he did, looking at me briefly from the corner of his eye, before turning again to look at the road.

"Found in the seat bag. Was Merle's."

"Oh…" I was quiet for a moment thinking of Daryl having inherited Merle's things even though he was supposedly not dead. I'd never seen Merle use it, so thankfully I wouldn't connect the vest to Merle. And again, damn. "Looks cool," I told him, choosing 'cool' over 'hot'.

He turned slightly to me again, "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Badass!"

He smiled a bit, just slightly, and looked back to the road. It was mainly empty and silent. It felt like it had been hours and we didn't talk, just us and the deep roar of the motor and the sound of the cars behind us. I stretched her back, testing my balance on the bike, and Daryl looked at me sideways quickly and said something.

"What?" I asked aloud.

"Sore already?" he shouted.

"My back, a bit. Just adjusting. I'll get used to it!" He just nodded at it. "How are your arms not tired?"

"What?" was his turn not ho hear me.

I relaxed my back, curving it a bit to get closer to his ear. "Your arms in this position, not tired?"

"Burnin' like hell!" he nodded with a smirk.

I laughed at that and saw him smile more at it, eyes squinting against the wind. My discomfort seemed to vanish then. My arms went around him a little further, still not hugging completely by I rested my hands nearly on his stomach rather than on his waist. I decidedly liked riding with Daryl. We went quiet for a few more minutes then, but it was comfortable, companionable. I dared to raise my head up to the sky and close my eyes for a moment, feeling the warmth and the wind and allowing myself a moment of peace.

"Hey!", Daryl called my attention, I opened my eyes to look at the back of his head.

"Yeah?"

"If there's no Fort Benning?"

That was one damned important question that nobody had voiced yet. I hoped the others were feeling positive about it, because we all could use moments of positivity. I was on the realistic side, though. Just as I had felt about Atlanta before – we had to try it and make sure, but never really believed there was shelter – I felt about Fort Benning.

"If there's nothing there," I told Daryl, close to his ear. "We gonna have to stop relying on others to make do. Gonna stop going from a place to another looking for help. We'll be done with it."

"Make it happen ourselves?" he asked me.

"Yeah. Find a safe place."

"Well, goes without saying…"

"I mean, find a place with walls, secure it, settle up. Staying on the road as we been won't do. And settling camp in the open like the quarry won't neither."

"What you picture? A buildin' or some?"

"Yeah, a condo, hotel, one of those fancy gated communities, anything that can be closed all around would do."

"Maybe some land space to grow stuff," he completed the thought.

"Yes!" I got excited and slapped his stomach a bit, more like poking him. "Grow food! 'Cause canned and dehydrated food won't last too long around. Maybe even animals! It's what I mean, a place we can make life move on, you know?"

He was quiet for a moment and I let him thing, because my mind as also wondering far. He finally spoke again, "It's a nice thought."

"Ain't it? There's still so much we can do. It's actually not the fuckin' apocalypse. We're still here after all!"

"Hey, look," Daryl's pointed ahead, the conversation dying then. "Road's blocked."

"Fuck… Things can never be too calm."

We approached the last of the cars of what seemed to be an enormous traffic jam and Daryl slowed down. There were cars on the road and on the grassy area between the lanes, opened doors and no sign of life around. Daryl navigated through them carefully for a bit until I asked him to turn back to the cars. When we did, we found the RV and Rick's car already stopped, waiting for us.

"You see a way through?" Dale asked us over the noise of the bike.

Daryl nodded as I answered, "Yeah, gotta go slow but I think we can pass."

He rounded the RV with the bike. When passing between it and the car, we looked at Rick and I nodded, informing him they could go through. Slowly we crisscrossed among the cars, dead people inside, nothing moving.

"Lots a' things here," Daryl broke the silence. "Should scavenge a bit."

"Yeah, can't let all this gas go to waste," I agreed as I twisted around to look at Dale on the RV and tell them we were stopping, but was instead met by his engine popping and smoke coming out of his hood. Daryl flinched at the sound, turning his head to look as well, alarmed, and stopped the bike.

"I said it! Didn't I say it?" Dale was mumbling when everybody got out of the vehicles to gather by the hood. "A thousand times. Dead in the water."

"Problem, Dale?" Rick asked the obvious.

Nodding at me in agreement, Daryl walked away from the bike and immediately started looking at stuff in an open car.

"Just a small matter of being stuck in the middle of nowhere with no hope of –" Dale paused to look at what Daryl was doing. "Okay, that was dumb."

"Can't find a radiator hose here?" Shane tried to joke but wasn't smiling.

"A whole bunch o'stuff we can find," Daryl grumbled from his position.

"I can syphon more fuel from these cars, for a start," T-Dog was saying even as he already made his way through the cars.

"Maybe some water?" Carol said hopefully

"Food?" Glenn completed.

"This is a graveyard!" Lori said looking around with wide eyes, making everyone look at her. "I don't know how I feel about this."

"Well, I know damn well what I feel 'bout this," I said as I moved stuff on the same car Daryl was at and lifted one bottle of water in each hand to show everyone. "I feel like we have water!" I stepped towards Carol and gave her one of the bottles. "Everybody spread around and take a look, anything you think can be useful will probably be. Let's gather stuff 'round here and store them later. And watch out for walkers, could be some hidden 'round here, you never know."

Silently and quite a bit solemnly, people spread around. Daryl rushed to join T-Dog with the syphoning and I wandered. I found a bag full of some summer clothes that would not do any of any of us good these days and emptied it in order to fill it up with useful things. With it hanging from my shoulders, I grabbed anything eatable I put my eyes on – a can of Dr. Pepper, a bag of family size chips, crackers, another bottle of water, mints and, strangely, a catchup bottle – when I heard Shane celebrating somewhere behind me. Looking back, I saw he'd found water – lots of it – and was pouring some over his head, "It's like being baptized, man!"

I smiled and kept moving. In a red car by my side, I saw a baby chair strapped to the back car seat and stopped to stare for a moment. The chair was thankfully empty, but I opened the door anyway. If there had been a baby on that car, there might also be baby stuff. Careful to check if the car was really empty, I scavenged through it and found a can of formula, a baby bottle and one small bag with baby clothes in it. Heart clenching at the thought of what might have happened to that specific baby, I dropped the entire content into the bag, the thought giving me a momentary stop as it always did. It still felt surreal that I was pregnant. I mean, I, Sam Danes, was pregnant.

"Sam!"

It was not simply Daryl calling me. It was him calling at an urgent whisper that alerted me something was wrong. Still sitting on the back seat of the car, I looked through the open door to see him crouching by one of the cars, crossbow in hand, a hand against his lips to tell me to be silent and then pointing down the road. I looked but the many cars on the way blocked my view, but I didn't have to see the walkers to know they were there. I frantically gestured Daryl to come to me and enter the car where we could hide, but he gestured back that he'd be fine and I should close the door.

"Fuck, Daryl!", I shout-whispered and grabbed the door to close it, but still whispering mouthed "Don't die!" to him before pulling it quietly closed. I crouched on the floor of the car, making myself as small as possible, and barely dared to breathe.

The stench preceded them, the loud sound of their feet dragging and their low moans and groans following their procession. Long minutes passed and it seemed to never end. It was a large herd like none of us had ever seen before. They were apparently marching together, close to their own in search for food. And that was not good, that was no good at all. If they all started acting like this, it would most definitely complicate life a lot.

Once nothing could be heard again, I dared to stretch my neck and look outside. It seemed to be clear. I carefully got up from the floor and pushed the door open, sliding out slowly.

"Daryl?" I whispered again.

"Here!" he said nearly in a normal voice and I followed it to find him helping T-Dog up from the asphalt. My eyes instantly found his right forearm bleeding quite a lot, and his face was pale and sweaty.

"You bit?!" I asked as I knelt by him, Daryl standing next to us.

"No…" T-Dog said in a weak voice.

"Cut his arm wherever," Daryl explained. "Was no walker. Come on," he extended a hand for T to take. "Gotta go back to the group 'n patch you up."

As T-Dog stumbled to his feet, Daryl threw his unhurt arm around his shoulder and helped him walk back to the group, a little back on the road. We found most of the group together near the guardrail, looking out at the woods. Strangely, and what struck me he most, Shane was holding Carol in his arms.

My wrist ached.

"What happened?" I asked urgently, dropping the bag I'd been carrying.

"Man, are you okay?" Glenn asked as he approached us, eyeing T and his bloody arms. Dale also joined them, taking T from Daryl and helping him sit on the asphalt with his back against the car. As T explained what happened, Daryl and I approached the others.

"What is it, what happened?" I asked again, urgently. Carol let go of Shane and tuned to us, and now we could see she was crying, desperation clear in her face as she took a few unsteady steps towards me. "Oh, fuck, Carol, where's Sophia?"

"She ran from the walkers and entered the woods and Rick went after her, she's in the woods!" Carol cried without breathing.

"Carol, what? Rick went after her?" I asked looking past Carol to see Shane nodding.

"He was right behind her, he'll bring her back anytime now."

"Hey, it's okay, she's not alone, Rick's there to help," I tried but Carol kept on crying, although she nodded, and turned again to look at the line of trees.

"Why nobody keepin' watch?" Daryl's voice came from behind me. "Those were pro'ly not the only fuckin' walkers in this road, ya know," and at that he hopped up the hood of the nearest car, his crossbow in hand, and looked back and forth to check. Without a word, Shane did the same on other car.

The group went silent then, Glenn and Dale, now joined by Andrea – who I noticed, had her face smeared in blood – were helping T with his cut arm. The time passed for what it felt like hours, the heavy silence weighing on our shoulders as we just waited. The sun was scalding hot, burning our skins, bottles of lukewarm water being passed around, and we just waited.

The trees shuffled and dead leaves crunched announcing someone was there. In a moment Rick appeared, stumbling, bloody and sweaty, desperation clear in his features. Shane dropped from the roof of the car and the whole group gathered by the guardrail as Carol looked around frantically, looking for Sophia. She wasn't there, it was just Rick. I instantly knew, and so did Carol because she was already crying when Rick asked even as he tried to catch his breath, "Where's Sophia?", and realization fell upon him as well. "She's not back?" Carol sobbed and curved on the ground, a kind of pain nobody there knew, and Lori and Andrea went to hold her instantly.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I was mumbling under my breath as I walked resolutely to Rick, Shane close behind just as Daryl hopped from the car and joined us. "What the fuck happened, Rick?"

"There were two of them, I didn't have a weapon, I had to attract them away from her. I told her to stay put – there's a bank by the river, a hole, it was safe, she was supposed to stay there or come right back to the road! I got the walkers and went back, I went right back there and she wasn't there, I thought she'd headed back here, she's really not here?"

"No, buddy," Shane told him in a grave voice. "We've been waiting for you to bring her back."

"We gotta go back there and find her," I said as I turned to Daryl who was slightly behind me.

"I'll track her, but gotta go now or we'll lose light", he said already moving, knowing exactly what I was going to ask him. The three of us hopped over the guardrail to join Rick, who was already turning to Carol again, a deep breath to start speaking to her, but I held his arm strongly, making him stop.

"Don't. Promise," I whispered. "Don't promise we'll find her and bring her back safe."

"I am not leaving her there!" Rick also whispered, angrily as if offended, affronted by what I said, taking even one more step closer.

"Obviously," I said firmly. "But all you can promise her is that we'll do our best. That you won't give up. That you'll do everything you can to bring her back. That you will put your own life at stake to save that scared little girl. That will have to be all because the fact is that we don't know. We know all that's out there. Don't promise her girl will be fine when you don't know you'll be able to fulfil it."

His face demonstrating a riot of feelings, desperation, anger, realization, Rick turned from me and told Carol simply that they were all going back there to look for her, and with a last glance at Lori, turned and marched away along with me, back to the woods where Daryl was already impatiently waiting. Right behind us, Glenn also joined without a word, clutching his rifle.

Rick practically ran through the woods, guiding us all, desperation coming out of his pores and quickly found the spot by a creek. He showed us where he'd left her, described exactly what had happened and Daryl started tracking immediately, no hesitation. He instantly took the lead of the group – this was his territory and his specialty, Rick close to him, Glenn, Shane and I staying a bit behind. After Daryl defined where Sophia had gotten away from the right track, we decided Daryl and Rick would continue alone, it's was better to track with fewer people.

"Why you're back?" was the first thing we heard when crossing the line of trees. "Where is she?" and Carol started crying again, but it wasn't clear if she had ever stopped.

"Easier to track with fewer people," Shane explained as he skipped over the guardrail.

"We were just standing on their way," I said as I did the same and was approached by a weeping Carol. "Daryl and Rick are still there and Daryl found her trail," I placed both my hands on Carol's shoulders. Carol's eye filled with a desperate hope at that. "Says she was on her way back here and for some reason went on a different way, but they're tracking her." Carol nodded mutely, lips tightly pressed. "Ok, now, you should sit a bit, have some water?"

"I'm not leaving, I'm staying right here," the wet eyes woman said firmly.

"'Kay… I get it," and with that I looked around to where I saw Shane organizing the others to start working on something. I excused myself and moved to him, a hand covering my eyes over the lowering sun, "Hey, you moving cars?"

"Huh, yeah. Figured we should clear the road so we can go through later."

"Good, and gets people busy. But we ain't going anywhere without Sophia, you surely know."

"'Course not."

"I gotta ask you something else, could you get a car seat like you did back at camp so we can set it for Carol?" I asked and Shane looked over my shoulder to the woman, standing there with her arms crossed. "Ain't no way she's leaving that spot and last thing we need now is anyone passing out from exhaustion…"

I agreed with Shane when he decided Andrea should not have her gun back, not that I would ever say it. Making decisions about security and weapons was Shane's responsibility after all, and as long as people were not trained to really use the guns, they could mean more trouble. This training, not only with guns but with any other sort of weapons should happen soon, I knew it. What was happening to Sophia was the best proof of that. Nobody at this group was safe and this had to change. The herd that had passed was a terrible sign for us who were prepared, even more for them who weren't.

The dusk sun was nearly gone, day rapidly turning into evening and there was still no sign from Rick and Daryl. I knew they had to come back soon, tracking at night was impossible even for a professional like Daryl, and it wouldn't be safe for them. Either they'd bring Sophia with them or they'd have to restart the search in the morning, maybe set up a search party. I rationally knew that, but my heart was breaking little by little at Carol's sight, her quiet desperation as she sat on the edge of the car seat Shane had set for her, looking at the woods, at the exact same point her baby girl had vanished from, as if her very will would eventually summon her back.

Instead, the two dirty, bloody men emerged just as the sun set, with no girl in tow.

Carol had already shot up and was close to tears once again, "You didn't find her?"

I approached them then, carefully eyeing Daryl, who was even dirtier than Rick, but it was all the blood that worried me. I stared at him, eyebrows up in question, and he nodded, telling me he was fine.

"Her trail went cold," Rick answerer as the jumped over the guard rail. "We'll pick it up again in the first light."

Carol hugger herself, "You can't leave my daughter out there on her own to spend the night alone in the woods!"

"Hunt in the dark's no good," Daryl carefully told her, choosing his words. "We'd just be trippin' over ourselves. More people to get lost."

"But she's twelve! She can't be out there on her own!" Carol cried and she looked again at Rick. "You didn't find anything?"

"I know this is hard, but I'm asking you not to panic. We know she was out there!" Rick said but it was clear he was panicking himself even when he willed his voice to be convincing.

"And we tracked her for a while…" Daryl completed.

"Is that blood?" Carol asked looking at Daryl up and down, dread dripping for her weak voice.

Daryl hesitated to answer, looking away from Carol and finding my eyes.

"We took down a walker," Rick spoke instead.

"A walker?" Carol breathed heavily. "Oh God!"

"There was no sign he was anywhere near Sophia," Rick tried do reason.

"And you know that how?" I asked looking at Daryl. I knew all that blood had something to do with that.

He looked at me for a moment before looking at Carol and filling the expecting silence with his answer. "We cut the son of a bitch open. Made sure."

People were stunned shocked by that and were silent for a long moment. Carol sat on the guardrail trying to get her bearings, and sitting there she looked up at Rick again, the innocence in her voice instantly gone, "How could you just leave her out there, to begin with?" she paused. "How could you just leave her?!"

Rick let himself go then, his own desperation showing and he stared explaining all over again what had happened, trying to reason with a desperate mother who had a missing daughter as if any words would bring her peace. Even Shane tried to pipe in, but there was nothing that could be said now. No words could do anything.

"Rick, that's not helping," I placed herself between him and Carol's sobbing form. "She already knows what happen, there's nothing you can say now, ok?" Rick looked exasperated at me, trying to say something else while Shane's look shot daggers at me, but I ignored it and just moved on. "What we need now is a plan. Actions, alright?" I looked at Daryl who was still across the guardrail. "Now, Daryl's our tracker, he'll lead this search. Okay?" I asked him and he nodded emphatically. "We do as he says. We leave at first light and we'll spend all day looking and the next if needed!", and I turned to Carol, who was still sitting there behind me. "We'll do all we can, Carol, we ain't giving up, this I promise you." Weakly, Carol nodded, closely supported by Lori. I nodded back and looked again at Rick. "Now let's just cool down and get some rest 'cause tomorrow'll be a long day and I want everybody up before dawn."

The silence that followed was filled only by Carol's weak cries on Andrea's arms and Ricks loud, shocked stare at me. He then turned around and left the group, going to walk alone among the cars.

"Sam?" Lori called from where she was still sitting by Carol, just as Daryl hopped over it and went to the RV, leaving us alone. "You can't seriously think Rick had any intention of leaving Sophia?"

"Never said that, Lori," I then crouched in front of Carol, resting her hands on the woman's knees but still speaking to Lori. "I know at that moment he thought that was the only thing he could do and I'm sure he regrets that decision with every breath. Really, wouldn't want to be on his shoes." At that Lori nodded, somehow relieved. "Carol? You need to eat something and rest a little. We'll all be going to the woods tomorrow to look for her and you'll need to be able to stand on your feet."

"Can't think of eating now when she's out there!"

"I know. It's fine. You don't have to think, we'll take care of you, ok? You'll just eat and lie down until sun comes up,"

"I wanna stay here…"

I shook my head, "I know you do, but you won't, ok?" I tried to say it and gently as possible. "Sophia will need her mom strong, staying here all night won't do it. I'll have someone watching all the time. Okay? Please, let's go?"

I got up and reached for Carol's hands, who looked up at me with her eyes filled with tears for a moment until she decided to take my hands and get up.

"But who's gonna take care of you?" Carol surprised me by asking, still holding my hands.

"Me?" I took a second to understand and shook my head, "I'm fine, Carol…"

"I'm sick worried about my baby. You need to take care of yours too. If I gotta eat and rest, so do you. You haven't eaten all day."

"Go, Sam," Lori spoke. "We'll watch over her."

"Yeah, go eat something," Andrea agreed.

"See if you get some sleep," and with that Lori leaded Carol away in the direction of the RV.

I watched them go and just as they got to the door Daryl hopped out of the RV, a shy look at Carol who nodded at him pressing her lips in an attempted smile. Daryl moved to stand by be.

"Got you some soup," he pressed an opened can with a spoon inside in my hand.

"What about you?" I took it and felt the can was warm. My stomach growled at the prospect of warm food.

"Had beans just now. Come," he turned around trusting I'd follow and led me to the nearest car where he opened the back door and pointed at the seat. "Ya sleep'ere, I'll take the front seat 'til it's my turn to watch."

My nose prickled and my chest warmed up. I felt so grateful for having someone making decisions for me for once I couldn't even understand what I was feeling and had no idea what to say. I paused and Daryl just nodded in the seat's direction once again, making me move to sit and start having my tomato soup. After the first spoonful I drained the can in a minute, starved and desperate for nutrition and decided not to think at all before dropping the can and spoon to the floor of the car and lying down. I could only hear the door of the car being closed before descending into sleep.