An APOLOGY: Wow I am feeling pretty foolish at this moment and I want to take a minute to thank the guest reviewer who pointed out my absolute piss poor word choice in the last chapter. You were right WORDS MATTER and while I did not in any way mean to cause any offence whatsoever, I can see exactly how crap my choice of words were and how I could have upset people. As a gay woman, I cannot tolerate any form of bigotry, racism, LGBTphobia and the like and by no means meant it in the way it could have come across and for that I am truly sorry. The chapter has been updated and the offending description removed and this chapter posted immediately with my apology. I am really so sorry if anyone was offended by my description of Ana in the shower, I never ever want to cause offence it that way or hurt anyone. I hope you do accept my apology.
Chapter Nineteen
It wasn't even five am but Christian was sat at the breakfast bar at his parents' house nursing his third coffee. It had been the second night he'd stayed here at Grace's request. He had gone by Escala with clothes for her and she asked him not to disturb Ana who was sleeping. Apparently, things hadn't gone that well with John but "they could have gone worse" was how Grace had put it.
Deciding he had nothing to lose in communicating with Ana he picked up his phone and texted an apology to her. He hoped she'd accept it, because he couldn't bear the thought of her not doing so. He wanted to go to her, hold her in his arms and promise her no one would ever hurt her again. However, his Mom said that wouldn't be possible until she'd told her that Christian had heard everything and she needed time to break that to her gently. She should have known by now though, Grace was hoping Christian would be back in the penthouse today being there for Ana, while she remained to support them for a couple of days. It all depended though, on Ana and how she felt about everything.
Christian had leaned heavily on his father for his advice and wisdom too. Every time he had an idea of how to help Ana he'd consult with his father. He wanted to try and find out who had hurt her, track them down, Carrick talked him out of it because he didn't want to find himself in legal trouble. Then he thought about looking more into the accident and into Ana's step-father in case she had questions. His father told him to back off unless Ana asked him to go looking, because she may want to speak to the Officer and ask questions and discover things at her own pace and at her own time. So, he hadn't called Welch and asked him to run checks into this Raymond Steele who was supposed to be Ana's step-father.
I hope you've had a better night sleep tonight, I miss you so much. I'm so sorry I went digging in your past without speaking to you about it first. I didn't realise how much that would hurt you and feel like a betrayal. Please forgive me. I love you Ana.
He clicked send before he could chicken out because he needed her to know he was sorry, that he didn't mean to hurt her. He was truly disgusted with himself that he hadn't thought of the consequences of what going digging would be for Ana.
Not much better, looks like you're in the same boat, it's not even 5 yet, you should be sleeping. I miss you too by the way, even though I'm angry with you. You hurt me Christian but I miss you and how safe you make me feel. I forgive you.
Ana read through her response a couple of times, she didn't want him to think he was off the hook however she yearned for him and needed him to know that she wanted him home. Grace had told her earlier in the evening that Christian had heard her story. At first, she had been pissed that he'd eavesdropped but then she had felt so relieved, it meant he knew and she didn't have to repeat it all for him. He deserved to know really, even if she would have preferred to have told her on her own terms and at her own pace. It helped him to understand why she was so hurt by him going digging without her consent and it also helped him understand her. Clicking send she lay back in the bed, at least last night she'd been able to persuade Grace into the guest room because as much as she appreciated having Grace by her side the previous evening, it wasn't fair that she kept her awake with her nightmares. They'd been even worse tonight as she battled her internal conflicts about how she moved forward from here.
Can I see you today?
Ana's phone lit up again and she smiled, at least he wasn't running a mile like most men would if they heard her story. He cared enough to stick around and cared if she wanted him around.
Please come home tonight. I want you here… if you want me to stay that is, I mean I could go to the apartment or a hotel if you'd rather.
She hadn't even put the phone back on the bed when it rang. Ana answered it nervously already knowing who it was on the other side without checking the caller ID.
"You're not going anywhere," Christian said making her laugh nervously. "If you don't want me around, I could stay here a few more days or go to a hotel but that's your home."
"It's your home too." She replied shakily.
"Only if you want me to be there." He replied and Ana nodded even though he couldn't see her.
"I want you home." Ana replied. "I… I miss you…" She said her voice struggling against her emotion. "I'm sorry…"
"Don't start apologising when you have nothing to apologise for." Christian said while trying to refrain from showing his annoyance in his voice. The only person who had done wrong was him.
"I know." Ana whispered. "But I am sorry. If I'd only told you from the beginning…"
"You shouldn't have ever felt that you had no choice but to tell me either. Even if you technically didn't…" Christian and Ana both laughed.
"I'm glad you know." Ana replied quietly. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, it's just not easy to talk about… I just… you know it's hard." Ana was struggling and Christian didn't want to upset her while he was miles away in his Mom's house unable to comfort her.
"Don't worry about it right now. We'll talk when you're ready ok. I can't wait to see you."
"I can't wait to kiss you." Ana replied making him laugh, he couldn't wait for that after. "Oh I may have told John I like having sex with you when your Mom was in the room."
"Oh." Christian replied suppressing his laugh.
"He asked me when I'd last been happy. It was your birthday."
"Sex with you makes me happy too." Christian replied making Ana chuckle in his ear, he was beginning to breathe easier hearing her laugh, it allowed him to truly believe they'd be ok. "Just being with you, in general, makes me happy Ana."
"Will it still? Now you know?"
"Now? It will make me even happier because you survived that shit and now I get to be with you."
Ana smiled softly, he was definitely saying all the right things, he would just have to show her he meant it now.
"When are you coming home?" Ana asked nervously.
"Whenever you're ready for me too. Maybe at a more decent hour, I wouldn't want to disturb my Mom or Dad." Christian replied. Ana nodded again and as Christian couldn't see her he didn't know she'd responded, all he was getting was quiet on the other side of the phone. Slowly he became aware of Ana's breathing accelerating. "Ana what is it?"
"I just can't stop thinking." Ana explained shakily. "If I'd only escaped sooner…" Her voice cracked as she fought back the tears. "I have a step-father who has been looking for me for eighteen years."
Christian didn't know what to say to her at this point, he wanted to reassure her but he was afraid of saying the wrong thing.
"Ana, baby, you did what you had to do, you did escape, you lived…it's not your fault that you couldn't escape sooner." He said deciding that he had to say something to her, something that he meant.
"I just don't understand how I went to them in the first place if there were people looking for me…" Ana replied. "I have so many questions now Christian and I don't know where to get answers from."
"Well, maybe Officer Carter could help, he was the lead on your case when you first went missing. If anyone has answers he will." Christian replied as Ana sniffled down the phone. "I wish I was there to hold you right now."
"I wish you were too." Ana replied laughing through her tears.
"Listen lie down." He told her and with just a little bit of confusion, she did as she was told. "Just imagine me there with you, holding you, my chest warm against your back." He said gently as he closed his own eyes and imagined being there with her. "Close your eyes." He said and again she did as she was told without questioning him. "Listen to my heartbeat." He said knocking his own phone on speaker before pressing it to his chest. "I'm with you." He said.
Ana lay there with a gentle smile on her face, Christian wasn't there but she could imagine that he was while he was on the phone with her, talking to her. She could really hear the beating of his heart in her ears as she breathed deeply in time with it. It was an incredible sound. Slowly, she drifted off to sleep, feeling safe and loved.
Christian lifted his phone and he could hear that Ana's breathing had evened out. It was such a beautiful sound and he was glad he'd been able to get her off to sleep like that. She hadn't slept enough these last couple of nights and he was responsible for that. Now he just had to be ready to go to her when she woke.
He arrived at the apartment at around ten am. Ana was still asleep, he knew that because he had been calling his mother like crazy to find out if she was up yet but he'd given up waiting. Instead, he was there to get her up and out of bed before she slept too much and developed a horrible sleeping pattern.
Grace smiled when she heard that Ana and Christian had spoken on the phone. She was even more excited to learn that Ana had fallen asleep listening to Christian's heart beating and she also knew that Ana hadn't had a nightmare since then because she wouldn't have gone back to sleep had she done so. It was progress, and that was good, great even under the circumstances.
"What's that?" Grace asked as Christian placed the large black box on the couch.
"What the hell does it look like?" He asked chuckling. Grace rolled her eyes, her son could be a pain sometimes. "Don't roll your eyes Mom." He retorted and she playfully stuck her tongue out at him. She'd always chastised her children for rolling her eyes so it was funny that he chastised her as if he was the parent.
Christian grabbed a coffee for Ana before heading down to the bedroom to wake her. He was trying not to be too happy, remembering that Ana and he had a long way to go from here, but he couldn't help it. She'd forgiven him and that meant so much to him, even though in his heart he knew he'd have to prove himself to her.
She was lying in the middle of the bed, wrapped around the comforter like a pretzel. It made him smile because she looked so relaxed and he knew she'd had two restless nights. Ana had so quickly become his everything, she came before GEH which was insane, no one came before his baby. No one but Ana.
"Hey beautiful." He said stroking his hand gently through her hair. She moaned lightly which made him bend down and softly kiss her lips. She kissed him back too which made his heart skip a beat because she hadn't woken yet. Even in her sleep, she knew he was safe. "Come on baby, it's time to wake up." He roused her gently, his fingers gliding along the soft skin of her face.
"Christian?" She mumbled as she fought sleep to wake.
"Yes baby I'm here." Her eyes sprung open and she smiled sleepily at him.
"I've missed you." She mumbled and he leaned down and kissed her again. "Missed that too." She added making him laugh.
"I come with coffee." He said as Ana rolled onto her back and stretch. "How about I leave you, so you can enjoy it in peace and get showered?" He suggested.
"Stay?" She asked grabbing his hand quickly.
"If that's what you want." He replied. "Just let me go and get myself a coffee then, I'll be back in a second." He said before kissing her once again, grateful that he was allowed to kiss those soft rose lips once more because when he left the other night he wasn't sure he'd ever do it again.
Grace beamed when Christian exited the bedroom with a skip in his step. Clearly things were working out between the young couple and that was good. Whatever Ana wanted to do from here on in, she would need their support, and to do that they needed her to trust her.
Ana took the opportunity to get seated comfortably in bed while Christian went to get his coffee. She'd slept better since coming off the phone with him than she had since he left. Was that even possible? Had he been responsible for once again, even on the phone, making her feel completely safe.
When Christian returned, he kicked off his shoes and climbed into the bed beside Ana. She quickly shifted so she was leaning on him.
"I have missed you so much." Christian said.
"I've missed you." Ana replied as she sunk into Christian, her muscles loosening for the first time since he'd been gone.
A comfortable silence fell on the pair for the moment. They enjoyed their drinks just relishing in the feel of having the other near again. It was crazy how they had developed this need for each other without even realising it. Everything felt easier now they were reunited, including breathing.
"I've been thinking." Ana said returning the empty mug to the side table. "I have lots of questions to ask about everything. I think if you and maybe your Mom could help me, we could write them down, figure out a priority for them, and then maybe give them to the detective. I'm not sure if I'm ready to speak with him, but figuring everything out in my own mind can't be a bad thing right?" She stayed sitting upright, her hands fumbling in front of her while she gazed at the white blanket. Christian smiled sadly, it was hard to see her return to the uncertainty when just moments ago she'd been so relaxed.
"I think that's a great idea Ana." He told her already reaching for her chin to lift her face up. "Please don't hide from me."
"Sorry. Bad habit." She said smiling as her eyes met his again.
"Very bad habit." He chuckled teasing and she smiled just a bit brighter again. "And Mom and I would be glad to help, whatever you need Ana, we'll help ok."
"Ok." She nodded. "And he can have my DNA to test against Annie-Rose."
"I'm sure he'll be glad to hear that." Christian replied.
"It's not for his sake." She bit and Christian grimaced.
"I know, baby I know, I didn't mean it like that but the DNA test is what will confirm or deny it."
"How will they do it?" Ana asked awkwardly. "They must have something to compare it to, right?"
"They likely will have kept a hairbrush, or toothbrush or something." Christian replied and Ana nodded, satisfied with that explanation.
"Ok. I'm going to shower." She said already climbing out of the bed. Christian figured he had given her something to think about now and decided he would go and fill his mother in on what Ana wanted to do next. He thought it was great that she wanted to think about all the thoughts and questions she had. It was amazing, that in all of this, she knew she needed to think carefully and prioritise her questions.
When Ana joined them in the great room, Christian was sitting at his piano, playing away, something to pass the boredom of waiting for her. Grace was sat with a tea tray at the couch when Ana's eyes fell on the black box.
"Is that what I think it is?" She asked glancing at Christian nervously.
"I can take it back if you don't want it." He said hurriedly. "But when I heard what you said about Sister Emily, making you play so much, I figured you had to be pretty good." He said hoping that she wouldn't freak out.
"Can I?" She asked shakily signalling it and he nodded.
She went over and slowly, with her hands trembling, she opened the case. He'd bought her violin.
"It's nothing crazy." He said to her hurriedly. "I mean if you want a Stradivarius I can get you one…"
"It's perfect." She replied as she took it out of the box. "It's perfect." She said again as she gently bought it to her chin and plucked at the strings.
Christian could see the tears in her eyes but said nothing. Grace was sitting there watching the exchange too, flicking from her son's anxious face to the emotional one of Ana's.
"I haven't played in years." Ana said gently tuning the strings. "I don't know if I still can." She admitted when she picked up the bow.
"Give it a go." Christian suggested and she nodded awkwardly before trying to get comfortable with the bow. Grace and Christian just watched as a frown came to Ana's brow. She dragged the bow a couple of times, finding her angles, then she began to play.
Christian and Grace almost fell out their chairs in the first five seconds of Ana's playing as they both recognised Vivaldi's Four Seasons, Ana had jumped straight to autumn and played one of the most recognisable pieces of violin music.
Their eyes met but Ana didn't notice as her eyes were closed. She was trying to play this incredibly complex piece of music from memory, eleven years after she'd last held a violin. Christian watched in awe as Ana swayed with her music, not missing a beat or a note. Then she stopped, her eyes opened and she gave a thin-lipped smile.
"I don't remember anymore." She explained shyly.
"Ana… that was beautiful." Christian said standing to meet her.
"Sister Emily loved Vivaldi." Ana explained. "She said when I could play the four seasons, I would have learned to play."
"And did you?" Christian asked and Ana nodded shyly.
"I played it through the night before she died." Ana replied which made Christian's heart sink, what a heart-breaking memory. It was clear Sister Emily had been a sort of mother to Ana for a brief part of her life, losing her must have been devastating. "They wouldn't let me keep the violin when they sent me away. I never played again."
Christian pulled Ana into his arms and kissed her head. She'd suffered so much sadness, some of it completely unnecessary, why couldn't she have kept the bloody violin?
He looked at Grace over Ana's head and saw she was wiping a tear. Christian had come from a household where music was a part of life. He played the piano as did Carrick, Grace played the violin, while Mia played the viola and the cello and Elliot played the drums and the trombone. To hear Ana had been given the same gift in her life only to have it cruelly denied to her for so long did resonate deep with the two Grey's.
"Why don't we have some lunch before we tackle these questions?" Christian suggested, knowing that they needed a break before they started addressing the questions Ana had. The two women agreed, lunch was a great idea and a break from this heaviness.
"You play beautifully Ana." Grace said as they walked to the kitchen. "Maybe one day we can play together." She added and Ana's eyes sparkled at this.
"I'd like that." She said smiling before taking Grace's hand. "I'd really really like that."