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I do not own Inuyasha, the characters are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. Similarly, I do not receive any financial benefit from this story, just the pleasure of knowing people enjoy it.

Thank you to Heavenin—hell on Tumblr for the pictures that have been the inspiration for this story.

CHAPTER 20

Kagome woke slowly to the morning light hitting her eyes. She felt warm, safe, and protected. She hadn't felt that way since… she opened her eyes, smiling sadly as she saw Inuyasha next to her, his eyes closed as he slept. She let her eyes trail over his features, the curve of his jaw, the length of his lashes, the play of silver against his tanned skin.

He was so… beautiful.

She shifted to place a kiss on his forehead, tears threatening to fall as she felt the softness of his skin beneath her lips. She didn't deserve him, not after everything she had done. She began to ease herself back, out of his arms. She watched as his golden eyes opened halfway as his arm tightened around her waist, pulling her closer to him.

"Let me hold you for a few more minutes Kagome." His voice was rough with sleep, the sound sending shivers down her spine. Kami, she loved his voice. She loved everyth…

No, she couldn't think that. Not now, not after… that.

'A yokai will never abandon their mate.'

Shiori's comment kept running through her brain.

Kagome turned in Inuyasha's arms to face the opposite wall. Inuyasha immediately drew her back against his chest, holding her close. He nuzzled her, placing a soft kiss at the junction of her neck and shoulder. He curled around her protectively, sheltering her in the circle of his arms. She could feel his breath on her skin, playing through her hair. Even during the tumult, in the depths of her self loathing, he made her feel safe, secure.

The scent of Kagome surrounded him: her soothing vanilla and rose. Inuyasha pulled her closer. The sour scent of decay had almost drowned out that scent when he had joined Kagome during the night, but as he held her, the sourness had faded. He needed her natural scent like he needed air, and he relished the opportunity to hold it and her close.

He wanted to wake like that every morning, to know she would be there every night with him. He had heard Shiori's comment the night before, but he knew it wasn't the right time to discuss it with her, as much as he wanted to. His father was right; immortality was a lot to ask of a human, and he couldn't add that to Kagome's troubles, not now.

But soon. He was growing desperate to have her near, to keep her safe. His arms tightened, and he felt Kagome shift with discomfort, making him realize how tightly he was holding her. He eased his arms a fraction and nuzzled her neck with his nose, with a soft whine of apology. He felt her relax into his embrace before snuggling her cheek against him.

She needed to get away from him; she needed to keep him safe. She needed… to stay right where she was, to feel his yokai enveloping her, soothing her. But she couldn't do that. How long until she hurt him, until her powers turned on him, until her failures put him in the line of danger? She couldn't… she couldn't be the cause of that. She tried to push up and push away from him.

"Yash, I need to get up."

She felt his arms lock in place around her as he let out a soft grumble of protest. She knew she should get up, get away from him… but she couldn't. Fuck it all, she felt too content cradled in his arms, like she was home. She reached up a hand to stroke his ear, drawn to touch him despite herself, and his grumble faded, to be replaced by a sigh of satisfaction.

"I'm not leaving Yash, I just need to get up."

"Mmmmnoo, don't stop." He mumbled, turning his ear further into her hand. Kagome let out a quiet laugh and indulged her hanyou, gently stroking the soft fur at the base of his ear. The sounds he was making grew more heated and she felt a growing pressure against her back. He nipped her neck, causing her to gasp as heat coursed through her. Her gasps gave way to mewls as he continued to tease her neck with licks and nibbles, careful to never break the skin. Her hand drifted away from his ear to grab his silver hair, holding him against her as she tilted her neck. Her small sign of submission had him growling, his hips rocking against her, causing her to whimper.

He reached out to carefully turn her head towards him, capturing her lips with a searing kiss as he shifted Kagome onto her back, his hand stroking her cheek before he wrapped it around the back of her head. He tilted her face and deepened the kiss, lost in the feel of her tongue against his fangs, the spicy smell of ginger overwhelming his senses. He tore his lips from hers to plant kisses down her neck; her soft gasps and groans sounding like a symphony to him. When he felt her hand against his ear, he knew he was done for. He shifted to rest atop her and felt his yokai howl when the physical manifestation of his desire pressed against her, causing her own body to react with wanton need. With a gasp she arched into him, deepening the contact as her hips rolled against his.

"Fuck Kagome." He growled, leaning down to nibble on her lower lip.

"Yash…" She panted against his lips, drawing him closer.

"Good MORNING!" Shippo's voice rang out as he threw open the door.

The pair on the bed froze, staring at each other with heated eyes glazed with unfulfilled passion.

Shippo blinked at them before leaning against the door.

"Did I interrupt something?" he said with an evil smile, doubling over laughing as Inuyasha began to swear.

Shiori appeared behind the auburn-haired man to smack him upside the head.

"You did that on purpose, Shippo. I'm sure Lord Inuyasha was just leaving." Shiori's lavender eyes were sharp as she met Inuyasha's golden eyes. She raised an eyebrow at him, waiting for him to move.

"Give me a minute, Bat," Inuyasha snarled. "And take the Kit with you before I kill him."

Shiori pulled Shippo away from the door and closed it behind her. Inuyasha let out a deep breath and lowered his forehead to Kagome's.

"I think I'm going to kill that Kit," he growled.

Kagome made a soft sound of disappointment before nudging Inuyasha to her side. She turned and placed a soft lingering kiss on his lips before she pulled away to rise from the bed. He watched her, his eyes smoldering as he reached out to try and capture her hand and draw her back to him. A smile broke across her face—a real smile—and one he was damned glad to see as she playfully darted away, making sure she stayed just out of his reach. With a sigh he rose from the bed and began to cross to the door. As soon as he heard Kagome approach, he turned to catch her around the waist, drawing her against him for another heated kiss.

"Yash," she whispered against his lips. "They are right outside the door."

Inuyasha's eyes took on a wicked glint as he kicked a foot hard against the door. Kagome's reprimand died as she heard a pained yelp from the living room from Shippo.

"Serves the fucking Kit right." Inuyasha grumbled against Kagome's hair. "I know they are trying to help but it serves him right."

Kagome stepped back and out of his arms as she remembered why Shippo and Shiori were there in the first place. For a moment she had felt… free, free from the stress, the pressure, free to just be with him… and that was the most precious gift he could have given her.

But that moment was over, and the weight crashed back down.

Inuyasha knew the instant she retreated from him, back into her mind. He saw the light in her eyes fade as her scent changed, first to a hint of camphor, then to that damn scent of decay.

"Hey." She closed her eyes at the sound of his voice, refusing to meet his gaze.

That would not do.

"Kagome?" He lifted her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze. "We will figure out what happened, I promise you."

She shook her head and looked to the floor. "I fucked up Yash," she whispered. "You can't help me undo that."

His hand moved to her hair, his fingers combing through the strands.

"I don't believe that. Shiori and Shippo don't believe that. Sango, Miroku, and Totosai don't believe that. My father doesn't believe that."

"Sesshomaru believes that."

"Well Sesshomaru has always been an ass who views humans with disgust, so take him with a grain of salt, I do."

A laugh broke through her lips at the absurdity of the comment.

Inuyasha stepped away to open the door, letting Kagome see Shiori and Shippo waiting in the living room with Sango.

"You have all of us," Shiori said with a smile. "As Lord Inuyasha said, we believe in you."

Kagome let the words drift over her as panic began to set in. She saw Shiori's head tilt, listening no doubt to the change of rhythm, and forced a small smile onto her face, the mask settling around her once more as she nodded.

'I can't let them down.'

The last week of classes was the longest week of her life. She thanked the Kami that she only had one physical class to attend. She had managed to get an 85 on the paper, but she was convinced the professor had gone easy on her.

She had to admit that Shippo was an entertaining companion during the day. Kagome could train, but as she expected, most of the other trainees wanted nothing to do with her. Inuyasha was leading exercises, and couldn't work with her, so Shippo had stepped up. He turned out to be a good partner, using new tricks each time to make her think on her feet.

Shippo followed her everywhere: to run errands, to the grocery store, to the mall. As soon as evening hit, Shiori would meet her at the apartment, settling in for the evening with her. Inuyasha had taken to bringing food every night, which turned into a fight on the third night with Sango, who insisted that he needed to bring more than just ramen to eat. Shiori had not let Inuyasha into her room since the first night, but he had stayed outside her door or curled up in the tree outside her window every night, just staying close.

It was nice to have people who cared about her, it really was.

…But if she didn't get a moment alone soon when she wasn't showering or peeing, she was going to scream. She took longer bathroom breaks just to get to breathe by herself, and even then, she was sure Shiori could hear her

She had spent the last six days on edge, the mask continuously in place, and it was exhausting. She had to watch everything she said, every move she made, knowing it was being watched, reported on, analyzed. She didn't dare let the cracks show. It had been hard, so hard to deal with the looks of anger, of disgust from the yokai around her. The sneer on Koga's lips if he had to get near her, the pure loathing seething in Sesshomaru's eyes as she failed again and again in training.

The worst though were the looks from three specific people: Toga, Totosai and Jaken. They seemed to always be deep in conversation, freezing if she moved too close with frowns on their faces. As soon as she was out of hearing range they would start talking again, shooting glances her way. She had taken to watching them, analyzing their faces, their actions, trying to get some gauge on where she stood with them.

She saw the anger in Toga's eyes, the disappointment he tried to mask every time he looked at her. Inuyasha was wrong. His father did not believe her, and he wanted her nowhere near his son. And… she couldn't blame him, but she couldn't walk away from Inuyasha. He was the only thing holding her together, and she hated herself for feeling that she needed him to stay sane.

It made her feel… weak. So fucking weak. She had never thought she would be one of those women who depended on their man, yet here she was… If he wasn't around, she fought to keep her energy under control, fought to keep it from lashing out.

And she knew she couldn't keep up both fronts for long; one or both was going to shatter, and soon. She could either keep her energy in check, or she could keep up the mask of the old Kagome. One could destroy her "allies;" the other could destroy "her."

And every moment, every glance, every quickly hushed whisper drew that moment closer and closer.

She was being smothered, smothered by kindhearted people who said they wanted to help her but really were just… Kami... just jailers. She hated thinking of them like that, but over the past six days she had felt it more and more.

She knew they meant well, knew they were trying to help her, to be there for her. But she needed to fucking breathe.

She needed… she needed to run, just run, alone, to lose herself in the action, in the activity, but she couldn't. Every outlet, every thing she did to get her "me time" was now… invaded. There was no privacy, no Kagome time; hell, she couldn't even say she had time where it was Kagome and Inuyasha. There was always an AND. And Shippo, And Shiori…

They wouldn't even let her go anywhere with Sango watching her; one or the other had to be tagging along.

Watching her, analyzing her.

Waiting for her to break.

Waiting for a sign of weakness.

Waiting to be shown they shouldn't trust her. Couldn't trust her.

And so she played her role, hiding behind her mask, never letting them see the screams she wanted to let out.

Playing the perfect Kagome.

Shiori saw; she knew. Kagome knew that she did. The mask would only hide so much. But for some reason, Shiori stayed quiet; she didn't say anything to anyone.

And that just made Kagome feel worse.

The only time her mind was quiet was when she slept. She hadn't had a single dream since that night, and Kagome was convinced it was the only reason she hadn't completely cracked. But today would be the new test; it was Saturday, one week since the… incident.

Kami, there was an incident with her every week wasn't there? The explosion at the lab one week, then…

That.

What would this weekend hold for her?

She heard Shiori leave the room and greet Inuyasha. She had thirty seconds until…

"HI KAGOME!"

Shippo's voice cut through the apartment as he entered, and she groaned.

She just needed an hour… one blessed hour alone, away from the scrutiny, away from yokai who could hear every whisper, every mutter, every heartbeat.

She punched her pillow, wallowing in her self-pity for a moment longer before she donned the familiar smile and walked out her door.

She could face the day… she could.

She just needed to escape to her one private place, the shower, take a few moments where the water would drown out her tears.

She just… needed that minute.

She knew from the past week that by the time she ended the shower Inuyasha would be gone. As she emerged, Shiori and Shippo were helping Sango make breakfast. Kagome smiled brightly as she started to ask if she could help, but one glance from Shiori made her go still.

Shiori knew.

She should have known she couldn't hide the sounds of her crying from a bat yokai.

Kagome felt the walls of the room closing in on her as she watched the three standing in the kitchen, working together as a unit.

She… she had become the outsider.

Kagome was used to being part of the group, part of the gang, the one everyone turned to for help.

And now she was standing on the outside of the window looking in.

Shippo and Shiori both looked at her suddenly, and Kagome could feel the waves of energy, of unhappiness, rolling off her. She forced herself to calm and saw the yokai and hanyou visibly ease, but she could tell they stayed on alert.

She was the reason.

She was the threat.

She could no longer be "part of the gang."

She took a deep breath and pushed her emotions to the side, shoving them into their compartment, locked away where they couldn't reach her.

She could do this.

She could pretend she was normal.

She…

"Hey Kagome?" Shiori's soft voice pierced her thoughts as the silver haired girl placed a hand on Kagome's shoulder. "Why don't you come join us?"

"Yeah, you can mix the pancakes." Kagome saw Sango hold out a bowl to her. "Shippo is insisting he's the only one here who can cook bacon."

"Well it's not my fault you keep burning the bacon!" Kagome saw Shippo's tail bristle with indignation.

Kagome swallowed down the tears threatening to escape.

They didn't see her as an outsider. They were letting her be part of the group.