Chapter 20:
Honor and Duty

x

Stockholm and Faerie, 1977-1985

Hadley was having second thoughts.

It was unlike her to do so, but, alas, it was happening all the same. She nursed her foamed latte in her hands, staring out the windows of the coffee shop to the snowy scene before her. Though it was winter, the weather outside was unseasonably warm for Sweden. Melting ice dripped from the eaves, landing in little splashes atop the accumulated snow below. City dwellers dodged the wayward liquid, ducking their heads on instinct as they entered each awning. Overnight, the water would freeze atop the snow banks and become a hazardous layer of ice, a trap laid for the next morning's weary commuters.

Hadley took a sip of her coffee, the warm liquid sliding generously down her throat, the heat tingling against her numb fingers. She wasn't dressed for the cold, wasn't prepared for a Scandinavian winter. Her intention–to see Sookie in Portland and to abruptly return to Faerie afterwards–had not included an extended stay in a country so closely situated to the North Pole. But her plans were dashed to smithereens, sucked from her neck by a vampire's fangs. The Northman, she thought. It was a true marvel, yet it explained so much. How they were never able to find him, how he always seemed to be one step ahead of all of their search parties, how eventually the expenditure to locate a single vampire became too great, how the fairies had actually called the whole thing off, presuming he'd met the true death. When, in reality, it had been Sookie. Sookie giving him the information, Sookie sheltering him, sequestering him away, Sookie protecting him from her own family. Hadley's hand drifted to her neck, the wound there still fresh. She'd tied a scarf over the puncture holes but that hadn't stopped her from examining the scabs closely in the mirror. An injury so small and seemingly inconsequential could've ended her life with nothing she could do to stop it.

Remarkable. It was truly remarkable. Unsurprisingly, her phone call with Sookie had not gone well. The girl was lost. Hadley could see it the moment she opened the door to that apartment in the West Hills, her defensiveness followed by her surprising aggression. Sookie had never been one to initiate violence, it was not in her nature. Yet she was the one who fired the first blow. She was the one who unleashed her power on her own cousin. She was the one who valued a vampire above her own family. But, on the other end of the spectrum, she'd saved Hadley when the vampire could've easily killed her. Sookie's problems would've been over had she let him, at least for a little while until suspicion grew. It was a story of opposites, a puzzle Hadley couldn't figure out.

Whose side was Sookie on? To whose allegiance was she sworn? Was it possible that it could be both? No, it was not possible. It was supposed to be simple. Vampires, fairies. There could only be loyalty to one. There was no middle ground; there wasn't even abstention. Their storied history prevented it, the enemy lines cut too deep. It should've been black and white. But, Hadley realized after her phone call with Sookie, the world was beginning to look awfully gray.

x

Sookie deplaned on the tarmac in Stockholm. The icy wind bit at her exposed skin, the roar of an engine ringing in her ears as another plane thundered down the runway. She could feel Eric had been following her, his presence in their bond ebbing and flowing like the tide, stronger then weaker then stronger again. It was a relief when, after landing, she felt his distance. He hadn't followed her across the Atlantic, then. Hadn't trailed her to the portal. Thank the gods. That would've meant both Sookie and Pam had failed in their attempts to save his life. It would've meant her plan was foiled before it could truly begin. Nothing would've held Niall back had he known The Northman stood right outside his front door, his hand raised to knock.

There was still one devastating hitch in her plan. Sookie did not have access to the portal, her status revoked from Faerie. Ex-communicated. Everything depended on whether or not Hadley stayed in Stockholm, in the human realm. If she had, then Hadley could let her in. If not, all was lost. There was something about the tenor in which Hadley spoke on the phone, the tinge of regret in her voice, that left Sookie with a small spark of hope. She hoped that Hadley would not enter Faerie without her, would not tell Niall of Eric without at least giving Sookie the opportunity to defend herself. Perhaps Sookie would have a chance to change Hadley's mind, give her all of the context she was missing to make an informed decision.

It was that line of thinking that fueled her travels, pushed her farther away from Eric even though it hurt like a dagger thrust straight into her chest to do so. To leave him was unbearable, to know that it was likely permanent neared impossible. But it could save his life. That was what mattered.

A little bell jingled above Sookie's head as she entered the coffee shop in downtown Stockholm. Her hair was wet, drops of melted water running through the strands. The place was busy, crowded, the Swedes enjoying their afternoon fika in clusters throughout the space. It was strange to hear their thoughts. She'd spent so long in America that she was unused to the foreign tone, the deeper octaves, the guttural vowels. She was struck by how similar the language was to its roots, how the variances of time felt insignificant. Sookie took a seat in the back, sheltering herself in the shadows, sipping her tea. If Hadley were here, she would come.

Gradually, the coffee shop began to empty out until it was only her and a few stragglers: a man working on his computer, a girl reading a book and stirring her tea absently with a pointer finger on the tip of her spoon. Sookie forced herself to remain calm, to be patient. Hadley was her family, she had to have faith in her family.

Sure enough, the little bell jingled again only an hour before the shop's closure. Hadley ducked in, pulling off her hat, her blonde hair unraveling around her face. She saw Sookie immediately, an awareness in her thoughts that comforted Sookie. Hadley had been expecting her. Again, something to find hope in. Hadley ordered a drink and joined Sookie at her table in the back, sliding onto the wooden seat, the legs scraping against the floor beneath her. She wore a scarf tied tightly around her neck. Sookie knew that it was not due to the cold: Hadley was hiding her battle scar.

"You came," Hadley said by way of greeting, tugging at her scarf.

"You waited," Sookie replied.

"I didn't feel like we had the chance to talk back in Portland. Things escalated pretty quickly," Hadley said.

Sookie swallowed, feeling a solid lump of worry stick in her throat. Hadley was being cool with her, distant. She tried to search her cousin's mind but the fairy had lowered her shields, punting Sookie right back out before she reached the root of any thought.

"You're right. And I really am sorry for that. I reacted poorly, it got out of hand," Sookie mumbled, running her finger along the edge of the cup in slow circles.

"He could've killed me," Hadley said, referring to Eric's bite. Sookie winced, remembering how broken Hadley looked, like a crumpled-up doll dangling from Eric's arms, the hatred in his eyes, the instinctual predator unleashed. He was cold and unfeeling, but it was borne from a place of loyalty for his own. Of protection. Sookie knew that now, but it didn't erase the image in her mind, the one of her cousin on the brink of death by the hands of the man she loved.

"He could've, yes," Sookie agreed, for there was no other response to be said.

"Yet you saved me. You told him to stop and he listened."

"Yes," Sookie replied.

"He has killed so many of us. As I told you on the phone, I can't reconcile that. The amount of us that died by his hand alone. We were nearly extinct, Sookie." Hadley spoke emphatically, leaning toward Sookie as if the closeness would help Sookie understand her point of view clearer, would envelop her in the same mindset.

"I know," Sookie whispered. "But there are things you don't understand. He was under the command of his Maker, Godric. There was nothing he could do to break that command. No free will. He was not operating under his own volition. I've seen it first hand. If Godric had commanded him to kill himself, Eric would. He nearly has in the past."

Hadley sighed, focused intently on her own coffee.

"I believe you, I just…" she trailed off. "We hunted him and you worked against us. That's traitorous, Sookie."

"I had no choice," Sookie replied, wincing again.

"There are always choices," Hadley snapped back.

"And what is yours?" Sookie asked, just as quickly. "You will tell Niall? You will have Eric killed?"

"We must tell Niall everything and let him decide. I do not wish to be judge nor jury."

"Just executioner," Sookie mumbled sadly.

"I do not wish that, either," Hadley said. "I wish for justice."

Sookie looked up at the exposed beams of the ceiling, noting the knots in the wood, carved into authenticity.

"I love him, Hadley," Sookie admitted without meeting her eye. "I have for nearly a thousand years, since I healed him as a human. Since I gave him a piece of our gift. There is a part of us inside of him, too. Killing him will be like killing one of our own."

Hadley reached across the table and grasped Sookie's hand. Sookie felt the tenderness in her touch, the warm of her skin a shock to Sookie's senses. Sookie held on tightly, the only anchor she had left in the world, the only tangible thing to ground herself.

"We will tell Niall, but he will understand. He is not unjust," Hadley said, her voice confident and sure. Sookie did not feel the same.

"I hope you are right. I truly, truly hope."

Sookie and Hadley did not spend the night in Stockholm. Instead, they traveled straight to the portal. Sookie was surprised to realize that without access to the entry point, the way became lost to her. She had to rely entirely upon Hadley's navigation, her cousin traipsing through the deep snow with relative ease. Sookie's internal guidance was gone, the light glow of her palms only succeeding in preventing the occasional trip and fall over an outlying branch or rock. Sookie yearned to open her bond with Eric, wanted more than anything to have one last connection before disappearing into the Faerie realm. She held back. She would not tease him so, would not beckon him to her. It was cruel, it was dangerous, and it would negate all of the work she had done to keep him away thus far.

But that didn't mean the hurt was any less, the shock of their bond muting to a whisper any easier to bear. Over the top of her despair, Sookie realized that there was an inherent awareness of her presence. All of the other fairies were looking at her with caution, their eyes casting furtive glances, toward her and then away. There was muted conversation, flickering undertones. Her ex-communication must have been common knowledge, yet, suddenly, the fallen hath returned. Sookie stayed close to Hadley, keeping her eyes trained to her feet but her mind searching outward. The sentiment was mixed: fear, confusion, surprise, anger, happiness. Most focused on memory, images of Niall's furious rage, his outbursts, his sudden introspection, his disappearance. They knew it all to be wrapped up in Sookie, but they did not know the extent nor the reason.

"We should wait until he comes to us," Hadley said. They were in a nook off to the side of the great hall, where the winding passageways lead to a honeycomb of various bedrooms and offices. "He will not be susceptible if we go to him. Let him hear the gossip, learn of your arrival. Then we will talk. We both know he does not take well to surprises."

Sookie nodded solemnly. Whatever advantage she could get, she would take.

"Can I rest with you?" Sookie asked. She could not bear to be alone, not that night. Hadley nodded and they walked together to her room. It was similar to Sookie's: minimal, a potted hyacinth resting on the windowsill. She smelled its petals, the familiar sweetness. Sookie curled around her cousin that night, a position natural to them both from childhood. An imprint of a memory. Beneath Sookie's palm, she could feel the slow and steady beat of Hadley's heart. It was a sturdy reminder of her aliveness, in direct opposition to the two scabbed wounds at her neck. Sookie shuddered, pulling her cousin closer, the warm body foreign and strange but overridden by the comfort of family.

The next day was suspiciously quiet. Sookie spent it trailing Hadley through her duties, hearing not a peep from Niall. People still cast glances her way, still made their opinions known under their breath and in their minds, but there wasn't a peep from the man in charge. The tension grew within Sookie until it felt like a physical thing manifested, a mass inside her that took up space. Perhaps he was toying with her, perhaps this was part of his punishment. After all, she was defying his orders by being back in Faerie at all.

Three more days passed in this way. Three nights of restless sleep, mornings of casual judgement, afternoons of anxiety. On the fourth day, there was a knock on Hadley's door, two guards summoning them both to Niall's main office. The girls looked at each other, an expression of solidarity shared between the two. It was the moment of truth. It was now or never. Sookie saw an emotion flicker through Hadley's eyes but she couldn't quite place it, her thoughts a warbling mixture of fear and pity. She searched for hope but she could not find it.

Niall sat behind a large oak desk, his hands steepled. Sookie expected his fury but was surprised with his joy. He rose quickly, moving across the office to embrace Sookie of his own accord. It was so out of character that Sookie stiffened up, her hands wrapping around her grandfather's elderly figure with trepidation.

"Hadley, you have my infinite gratitude," Niall said, speaking above Sookie's shoulder, his face somewhere near her hair. Sookie pulled back, searched her grandfather's expression quizzically. He was overjoyed, relieved. He thought she was there intentionally. He thought Hadley had saved her from Eric. The revelation made her tense up, the realization like acid boiling in her stomach.

He thought she had changed her mind.

"Grandfather, I think we need to have a talk," Hadley replied, her voice stern. Niall looked between his two granddaughters and nodded, gesturing for them to take a seat opposite his desk.

"I was away on business, but I'm pleased to find you back with your family, Sookie. I had faith Hadley would help you find your way."

"Grandfather, you don't understand," Sookie said urgently. Hadley placed a hand atop Sookie's, silencing her.

"I went to Sookie as you instructed," Hadley began, speaking at a deliberate pace. She remained calm, stoic. "I found her with the vampire. I first need to say that Sookie has not been glamoured. That is very important. Whatever she says is true and we must believe her."

Niall's countenance grew stern, his hands gripped to fists before him.

"Go on," he prompted.

"Do you remember the Viking human I healed? The one I saved?" Sookie asked, jumping in. "All those years ago?"

Niall nodded warily.

"That was Eric," she admitted. "I had thought he would die a natural death. I was prepared for that. But then he was changed by Godric."

"Godric," Niall repeated. Sookie nodded, watching as the realization grew on her grandfather's face. "Godric is Eric's Maker. Therefore, Eric is The Northman." It was like watching a student puzzle on a difficult math question: impossible, then all at once.

"Yes," Sookie whispered.

"Take off your scarf," Niall snapped, his attention suddenly focused on Hadley. Hadley tensed, glancing toward Sookie, her face pale. "Now. It is an order." Sookie waited with bated breath as Hadley untied her scarf, revealing her neck and the two puncture wounds within it.

"He bit you," Niall snarled.

"Yes, but he stopped. He could have killed me but he did not," Hadley replied, surprisingly defensive. Sookie straightened up, preparing to reinforce the argument.

"He does not want to kill the fairies. He never did. He was compelled by Godric. Did you ever question why the killing stopped so abruptly once Godric died? The bond was broken. Why else would the war suddenly end?"

"The war?" Niall laughed, abrupt and hard. "The war? You even speak like them. It was not a war, it was a Decimation. He took thousands of lives, cruelly and without remorse. We hunted him down but could not find him. Am I right to understand that is because you hid him from us? He was always one step ahead due to your influence?"

Reluctantly, Sookie nodded.

"I love him," Sookie tried once more, the old argument that had already failed her once.

"She does, I saw it," Hadley said. "Please, Grandfather. I wanted to tell you the truth, I owed you as much because of who he is, what he's done. But I implore you to see reason, to take higher ground. What is the human saying? An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

"I will hear no more of this," Niall growled, standing abruptly. His hands glowed white hot, his stance powerful. He left the room with a thunderous gait, his guards trailing behind, flustered and clumsy. Sookie stood to chase him down, though Hadley stayed seated. Her face held only pity and disappointment.

"Is he going to kill him?" Sookie asked desperately, the tumult in her grandfather's mind too potent to deduce.

"I think so, Sookie," Hadley replied sadly. "Perhaps it is for the best. You will move on."

Sookie blinked. It was illogical, it was not understandable. There was no moving on. Without Eric, there was nothing. Sookie ran from the room, flying past the crowds to chase her grandfather down. He was making his way to the portal, arming himself as he did so. He hardly ever went to the human realm and his current actions were causing quite the scene. The fairies watched openly as their leader grew red with rage, his prized half-blood granddaughter trailing behind fruitlessly.

She had but one option left. It was her last resort, but it would prove to Niall he would not have to kill Eric. After all, you cannot kill someone who is already dead.

Sookie stopped, her hands glowing white hot. Pure-blood fairy power, so bright was the light. It came from the deepest part of her, the most potent, driven from the purest emotions: desperation, hope and love. Had she expelled the light outward, it would've been devastating. Deadly to any within her radius. But she did not do that. Instead, she turned her palms against herself, to the spot right below her heart where her bond with Eric flourished. In her mind, she grabbed hold of the cord that bound them, the taut, seemingly indestructible force. And then, with the light she bore, she cut it.

Her scream echoed through the courtyard, the high, keening wail of indescribable pain. The last thing she saw before darkness overcame her was her grandfather's face, the fear and surprise in his eyes, as he dropped everything and rushed to her side.

Louisiana, 2008

"That's just my cousin Hadley," Sookie smiled, her sleepy voice calm and at peace. Her face was creased on one side by the pillowcase, her hair still slightly damp from the bath. Between Sophie-Anne, Sookie's lack of knowledge of her own heritage, his piss poor attention to Fangtasia and his tepid at best new bond, the last thing he needed was another visit from Sookie's fucking cousin Hadley. Eric growled, his fangs dropping down with a snap. Sookie looked at him, surprise waking her more fully.

"I must leave," Eric said as the truck rumbled further up the drive. "Do not tell her of me. Don't mention a thing."

"But, Eric–" she protested, confusion on her face as her eyes darted between the window and his own serious expression.

"Do what I say," he snapped, rudely enough that Sookie took a step back. He breathed out once through his nose, pushing open the window. He was about to hurtle himself out when he made an impulse decision, leaning over and kissing Sookie hastily. She was closed to him, her lips tight, but he had to do it. He did not know what this meant, what Hadley's arrival could signal. Would she be dragged back to her realm once more? He didn't know how long it would be before he saw her again. He touched Sookie's full lower lip once then flew out the window, straight up toward the last of the flickering stars.

Below him, Hadley was outside of her truck and staring skyward. He cursed under his breath. His hesitation had been a mistake. She had seen him, of that he was sure.

x

Eric hadn't heard from Sookie in a week. He paid careful attention to their bond, testing its strength at periodic times of the night. She was still near, in and around Bon Temps. He wished to call, to simply show up, but it was too dangerous. He sat atop the dais at Fangtasia, replaying the last moments in his mind. Hadley's unreadable face beneath him, her eyes not keen enough to see him at the distance he hovered, but surely astute enough to witness his hasty departure through the window. He rested his chin in his hand, gazing out at the crowd before him but seeing nothing, no one. The loud music was hardly a tickle at the back of his mind, a minor inconvenience. He watched as a human crawled up to where he sat, quite literally on hands and knees.

It was a man, middle-aged, balding, his lower lip quivering with need. There was a fantasy many humans had, wherein they prostrated themselves before a vampire and the vampire gave in, blessing them with eternal life. Many vocalized it to him, most often the women, before, during or after sex. Most did not act upon it, did not attempt to play out the fantasy in reality. Eric watched as the man continued his advance, crawling on the dirtied floor of the club, unable to express anything toward him other than apathy. The man reached out a bony, knuckled hand, placing it atop Eric's boot. The silver sole glinted, and Eric wished, for a moment, that the human were vampire, that he could press the sole into his cheek and smell the burnt flesh.

Instead, he waved his hand with a sigh.

"Madeline," he murmured. Madeline was by his side, her hair pinned tightly back, her lips painted a gothic black. She was trying out a new look, a new persona. She preened, placing her hand on Eric's shoulder. Though they were not family like Eric and Pam, he let her do it anyway. Their history beget allowances. "Take care of this man."

"Oh, this one doesn't swing that way," Madeline smiled coyly.

Eric rolled his eyes, landing them on Madeline. She saw the seriousness in his expression and tampered her playfulness.

"I'll get rid of him," she said, switching to Swedish. "There's someone at the bar asking about you, by the way. She smells like Sookie but even better, if you know what I mean. Most of the vamps here don't know what she is, but that won't stop them from pursuing her for dessert."

Eric hissed, flashing to the bar. Sure enough, Hadley awaited him, her presence so similar to Sookie's that he was surprised he hadn't noticed her arrival. The other vampires nearest were eying her suspiciously, nostrils flared in response to her scent.

"Are you baiting me? Do you wish me to correct the mistake I made last time we met?" Eric asked, his fangs out and low. To her credit, Hadley did not show fear. She locked her shoulders in what, to Eric, was a very familiar and recognizable gesture. Courage in the lion's den. If Eric had not hated her so much, he would've been impressed.

"You never came to Sookie, so I came to you. Can we talk somewhere more private?" she asked, not answering his question. Eric met Pam's eye, hovering a few feet behind Hadley. She tilted her chin up in question. Eric shook his head. He would take care of this alone, as he should have the first time.

"We can," he sneered. "After you." He gestured toward the back door. As any good Sheriff, he had a particularly well-outfitted law enforcement set-up beneath the bar. He imagined putting it to use, imagined taking out his revenge upon the delicious fairy walking before him, her blonde hair swaying down her back. He would enjoy it, of that he was sure.

Instead of going down to the basement, they went to his office. Eric decided that they would talk first. He wanted to know her motives in seeking him out. It was reckless, even by fairy standards. Then he would proceed with his instinctual desires. He particularly looked forward to hearing her beg.

"Why have you come?" he asked, shutting the door behind him with a click. She hovered uncomfortably in the middle of the room as if unsure where to go from there. "You walked into a bar full of vampires. Are you so confident in your own power?"

"Not at all," she said, smiling slightly. "In fact, I believe it would only take one vampire to kill me and he stands in the room with me now. I came to apologize."

Eric was silent, waiting, listening, his hands clenched to strike at his sides, his fangs down. Some things were not to be stopped when an enemy was in the room, no matter if that enemy was speaking gibberish.

"Seeing you fly out of her window, it was like seeing an angel fallen from Heaven. I thought you were dead. We all did."

"I am no angel," he spat, a low rumble still in his throat, a threat. "And I am very much alive."

"You hate me. I understand that. I more than understand it," Hadley sighed, throwing herself down on the couch with little regard to the true danger she was in. "I never should've let old wounds draw fresh blood. She told me how you were compelled. She explained everything and I still betrayed her. And for what? Honor? Family? Duty? What is honor with no moral code, what is family with no love, what is duty with nothing to show for it?"

"You thought I was dead?" he asked, referring to her earlier declaration, caring not for her explanations.

"We all did. Sookie proved it with the broken bond. We all thought your death caused it, but that wasn't what happened, was it? She did it to herself. She broke it herself. Niall was on his way to kill you. He would've stopped at nothing. So Sookie killed you first. And though she technically lived, it killed her, too. It tore you two apart. I am so sorry, Eric."

Eric swallowed heavily.

"She doesn't remember anything," he managed in carefully affected monotone.

Hadley looked up then, met his eye.

"I know. It had to be done. She was in so much pain."

"Can you reverse it?" he asked, feeling the tension inside him rise, an arrow drawn back to the chin, the bowstring taut.

"I don't know. We thought it best she stay in the human realm, live a normal life. You know she chose Louisiana?" Hadley laughed then, though it was hard with disbelief. Sarcastic. "I think she was choosing you all over again, even though she had no idea."

Eric darted to her, locking himself around her biceps, disabling her weapons, his other hand poised to break her neck. It would be instantaneous, she would feel no pain. His muscles trembled, aching for the blow. Revenge was sweet on his tongue, a fine wine to bathe in.

"Will you kill me?" she whispered, her blue eyes so familiar, her blonde hair the same to the touch, her scent so potent his mouth watered.

"I want to," he growled. He imagined his fangs sinking into her flesh. He remembered the taste perfectly.

"But will you?"

But would he? He thought of his myriad identities through his life. A Viking prince. A vampire. A Son. The Northman. A Maker. Sheriff Northman. The titles he wore, the responsibility he bore with them. He found himself preferring Eric to them all, and the way she looked at him when she said his true, given name. Eric loosened his grip and she dropped from him, landing on her feet, her hand at her neck protectively.

"I do not forgive you," Eric spat, "But I will spare you." He averted his eyes, forcing himself to stay true to his statement. From his peripheral, he saw Hadley's accepting nod. From her bag, she removed a little card, placed it on his desk.

"If she ever needs me… if you ever need me… I will always answer the call," she said, tapping the paper once. Eric let her leave, stewing in his own bloodlust, running the lines they'd spoken through his head over and over again. Sookie broke the bond. She broke it herself. Eric's hand drifted to the place below his heart where their bond was once strongest. He remembered the moment it happened perfectly. There was no forgetting that level of pain.

Eric picked up the little piece of paper on the desk. It was a phone number, an international line, hastily written down. He wanted to tear it to pieces. Instead, he put it in his pocket, thinking once more of the night their bond was severed.

Louisiana, 1985

Eric sat in the throne as he did nearly every night since Fangtasia's opening. Pam had realized straight away that he would be the main draw for both vampires and humans alike. Eric himself found it mind-numbingly dull, with only hints of action that made the whole thing worthwhile. Plus there was the cash, they were practically swimming in it. The low overhead in Shreveport combined with the newfound interest the humans held in anything supernatural created a veritable pot of gold. It even put Ravenscroft to shame, and Fangtasia was in a strip mall for God's sake.

The night was like any other night. Uneventful. Pam removed and glamoured two lost, bitten humans wandering out from the men's restroom. Otherwise there was little to be said for the shift. Eric glanced at the clock. Nearly two in the morning. In accordance with local governance, they would need to be closing up soon. Unfortunately, the place was still packed. And a blonde specimen in the corner was making eyes at Eric, promising something she would not be able to deliver on. Eric glanced at her, considering a summons. He really did believe blondes had more fun.

"Last call," Madeline shouted from behind bar, mixing up a drink with her usual flourish.

Eric stood, weighing his options, deciding the blonde would do. But before he could take a step in her direction, he collapsed. The pain was unlike anything he had felt before, neither in his human life nor his afterlife. It was worse, somehow, than dying. Both times he had done the deed. It was agony, like being sawed in half from the inside, carved out slowly and methodically by a nervous doctor's twitching hands. Eric choked out a breath, hearing a commotion around him though the sound felt warbled and strange, like he was drowning and the shouting was above the surface, a place he could never reach. He felt hands grab beneath his shoulders, drag him along the floor of the club. His eyes were clenched tight, the inside of his lids popping, little explosions of light in the dark.

He did not know how much time had passed, did not know if it were night or day or night once more. It was endless, the pain, unstopping and localized. He wanted to cut a hole straight through his chest, remove the rot. He clawed at his own skin, attempting to break through it, his strength only a match for himself.

"Pam," he gasped, for breathing was difficult if not impossible. Where was his Child?

"I'm here," he heard a voice say, close to him yet still so far away. "I'm right here."

He continued to thrash, continued to convulse, continued his efforts to extricate himself from his own body. But all he could do was wait. He could suffer and nothing more. When he opened his eyes, the world blurred before him. His mouth was dry, his skin wet. But that was impossible; vampires did not sweat. He felt warm, yet freezing. Like he'd just broken a fever. That, too, was impossible. After death, core temperature remained unchanged.

"Are you awake?" It was Pam, her face hovering above him, concerned.

"What happened?" Eric asked, his voice hoarse from screaming.

Pam grimaced, touched his face tenderly.

"Your bond is broken," she whispered.

Eric sat up quickly, aftershocks of pain rolling through his body in protest.

"Here, your ring. It dropped from your pocket when you fell," Pam said, holding the misshapen loop in her open palm. Eric stared at it, his reality still only a tenuous suggestion, his mind uncomprehending. But there was one thing he knew to be true: a broken bond only happened in death. Eric swallowed, testing his bond and feeling only emptiness, a slack line drifting in deep ocean.

"Destroy it," Eric ordered. "I never want to see it again."

x

im sorry i just really am an angst person. i hope you're still holding on out there. please leave comments i love them so, i promise not to beg for more until next chapter ;)