Waves of Hope
Chapter Twenty
Bella
"There. Now you look like a little lady."
Rylee stares up at me, gray eyes wide and rosebud lips pursed.
I can't stifle my grin as I lift my camera from where it's hanging around my neck, snapping a photo of her. It's a big day. Today she's graduating from CPAP.
Much to the shock of, well, everyone, our teeny tiny girl is the first to lose her breathing tube. She'll still have her NG tube in for a little longer until she gets the hang of feeding, but it's one tube down, one to go. It's a big deal.
So, when I arrived this morning and spotted the little box of bows Jude left after her visit at the weekend, I couldn't resist trying a couple on Rylee. The one she's wearing now is actually inspired by a family friend, a Mr. Brody Weller. He's the star player for the Gators, the MLS team pretty much our entire family supports, as well as a frequent diner at Burger Co. since he bought a vacation rental place up in The Bluffs on the outskirts of the Bay.
The emerald green of the bow contrasts beautifully with her golden hair and silver eyes. She's the perfect blend of me and Edward. If his baby pictures are anything to go by, her fair hair will darken gradually until it's a shade somewhere between chocolate and copper, like Edward's is now.
"Good morning," May sings, stepping into the room with bottles of breastmilk in her hands. "Ooh, sounds like I'm just in time!" Her arrival coincides perfectly with the first hungry grunts. It's no surprise that it's Oakley's whose shift into cries first.
"Looks like it," I agree with a laugh, unbuttoning the top few buttons of my shirt once I'm situated in the glider. May settles Oakley in my arms, nodding approvingly as he latches on right away and goes to town.
May takes River from his pod before his whimpers can turn into screams, a bottle between his lips instantly calming him, just as Edward returns with the boys. He took them out to breakfast after dropping me off an hour ago and promised to make it here in time for the babies' ten a.m. feeding. I didn't expect them to make it, but I shouldn't be surprised that Edward made sure to make it happen.
Watching Edward be a dad not only to our big boys, but also to these babies, has only made me love him more. He's such a great dad. He comes alive when he's got our big boys teasing him about his silly baby voice, a couple of babies cradled against his broad chest as he hums them to sleep.
There are few things less adorable than seeing a six-four giant with tiny babies snuggled over his tender heart.
"Perfect timing," May grins, carefully shifting River into Arlo's arms before helping the big twins get settled up with the little twins, leaving Edward to grab Rylee. May shoots me a questioning glance, scooping Caben from his pod when I sigh and nod. A couple of minutes and a little adjusting of Oakley later, I've got a big pillow on my lap and a baby attached to each boob. I'm not the biggest fan of tandem feeding, but sometimes it's just necessary to keep all the babies happy. If it weren't for the fact that Caben is the baby who's most struggling to gain weight, May would have been able to just give him a bottle.
Once the initial discomfort passes, I relax into the chair and revel in the closeness with Oakley and Caben, their heads close enough together that the contrast between their dark and fair hair is obvious. This isn't my favorite set-up, but really, with two beautiful boys in my arms, I can't complain too much.
Caben's big eyes stare up at me as he feeds, his fingers toying with the initial charms hanging from the delicate chain around my neck. I can't help but smile, content and whole now that I have Edward and the boys here with me, too.
"How was breakfast, kiddo?" I ask Arlo, the big twins engrossed in conversation with May and Edward over which of the little twins will 'win' the bottle race.
He shrugs, dark eyes bright with mischief when he looks over at me. "Good. I had your favorite."
"Without me?" I gasp.
"Sorry." He glances over at Edward for a second before flashing me a lopsided smirk. "Dad brought you a to-go box in his backpack. It's supposed to be a surprise."
A laugh bubbles out of my chest, but I'm careful not to laugh too hard with two babies attached to my chest. "You're so bad at keeping secrets, kiddo."
He shrugs. "Oh well, it's just one of my cute quirks. I have lots of 'em."
I snort. "You are cute."
The last seven months seem to have wrought changes in the big boys that I'm not ready for.
My mom took them to get a haircut last week because they were all starting to look a little wild, but the shorter cuts on the twins make them look more teen than ten, and Arlo's tidier mane—though still shoulder-length—frames his face in a way that steals some of his baby-ness. He's looking more and more like a big kid every day.
I hate it.
I may have six infants now, but Arlo is still the baby in my eyes.
"Oops, here ya go, Rivs."
Rivs.
It's difficult to reconcile the little boy I brought to Florida four years ago with the boy cradling his little brother in front of me now.
He's grown up so much, changed so much. Jaxson and Finley have, too. All three of them are fast approaching my height and it really won't be long before I'm waving the twins off to middle school, leaving Arlo behind at elementary until he catches up two years later.
By then, the babies will almost be ready for preschool. Holy crap.
Just like it's hard to see Arlo as a big kid and not a baby, it's almost impossible picturing these babies going off to preschool. Right now, we're still weeks out from even taking any of them home, let alone anything else.
They're all doing great, all progressing well—some faster than others, admittedly, but that's to be expected.
None of us expected Rylee's progress, though. Not us, not our family or friends, and certainly not the doctors or nurses.
She's gaining weight fast, catching up with Caben, and is the first to kick the breathing tube. She's the smallest but she's already kicking ass and taking names. I hope she always keeps that fire and spirit; she'll need it with eight protective big brothers and a dad who's convinced she's going to live under our roof forever and never see boys as anything other than cootie magnets.
He's seriously kidding himself. I kind of can't wait for her to burst his bubble.
"Mom? How come Ms. Sue came over?"
My eyes drift up from where they'd dropped to rest on Oakley and Caben. Finley's lip is between his teeth as he looks between me and Edward. He has Jaxson's and Arlo's attention, too.
Searching Edward's face, I manage a small smile when I find only a calm acceptance in his eyes. We've gone back and forth over this decision a hundred times or more, especially in the last few weeks, but despite how much it pains us, we know the choice we're making is the right one.
"We were waiting to talk to you guys about it until we'd made a proper decision. We didn't count on you seeing Ms. Sue at the house," I admit wryly.
Jaxson cocks his head. "Are we moving? Doesn't Ms. Sue sell houses?"
"She does," I nod. "And, we will be moving. Not right now, but eventually."
Finley blows out a big breath, his gaze dropping to Mackenzie resting on the boppy on his lap.
"We're not rushing into it, but our house is just too small for all of us to fit. The three of you can't share a bedroom forever, and we definitely can't squeeze six babies into either the guest bedroom or the study."
Arlo frowns, rocking River when he fusses. "We can share, then you can put half the babies in the guest room and half in Dad's study, right?"
Edward chuckles softly, shifting Rylee around so he can burp her before she falls into a milk-drunk sleep. "Trust me, bud. If we could stay in our house and not all be living on top of each other, we would. Your mom and I don't want to move any more than you do."
Wistfulness and nostalgia blanket his features as he blows out a deep breath. Like me, he has memories spanning decades in our home, only I know that when he's thinking about selling it, he's trying to tell himself that the house isn't Willow, that selling the only house she knew isn't dishonoring her memory.
It's going to be hard for all of us when the time comes to leave our home, but it's going to hit Edward the hardest. I hope I'll be strong enough to carry all of us through what will be a tough transition.
"Where are we movin' to?"
"We'll stay in Jackson Bay, Jax," Edward says firmly.
Any time we've discussed moving, remaining in Jackson Bay is right at the top of our non-negotiables. At least five bedrooms and a yard are second and third.
"We can stay at our schools?" Finley asks, his lip back between his teeth.
"We're not going to uproot you from school or take you away from all your friends," I promise. "We're not in a rush to move anyway, but we've got time to look for the right place for us—for all of us."
The boys are appeased, so we all settle back down. They still have questions, like whether moving will give each of them their own rooms, if we can tell Ms. Sue that we 'need' a pool, and when we'll move. Edward and I answer the ones we can and promise to keep them updated on the rest before sharing a grateful, relieved smile when the boys go back to fussing over the babies now they're all done eating and ready for fresh diapers and naps.
With that conversation out of the way, the decision to move seems all the more real.
At least it's not hovering on the horizon just yet.
~ oOo ~
"Uh…"
"Yeah," Benjamin guffaws, panning the camera around. "There's more in Ev's room. Pretty soon, we're gonna have to start filling Rose's, too."
I can't say much except that I'm glad Rosalie and Everly finally moved into their shared loft in the new development off The Boardwalk. Without their rooms being freed up, I have no idea where Mom and Dad would be storing all the baby stuff we've been receiving from generous donors; companies and total strangers are among those sending all sorts of things to our family. Things like clothes and toys for the babies, candy and gifts for the big boys, gift certificates for groceries, takeout, and diapers. Mom and Dad said to give their address for delivery while we're still away in Tampa, but it looks like their place is overflowing because of people's crazy generosity.
"But you said you took some of it to our place."
Benjamin turns the camera away from a six-foot-high stack of diapers to point it at himself, arching his eyebrows. "Yeah, some. You know how big your house is, right?"
Right. Not big enough.
Exhaling heavily toward the star-spangled sky, I let my eyes search for...there it is. The brightest star.
What do we do?
"Bella? You still there?"
"Yeah, Ben, I'm still here." Sinking into the seat on the balcony, I meet my brother's sympathetic gaze. "Be real with me. How badly is our house overflowing right now?"
"Right now? It's not too bad. I might be exaggerating a little." He pinches his thumb and finger together, then creates a tiny gap between them. "People are being super generous though, huh?"
"Yeah," I breathe. "They really are. I can't believe it."
"That's because you haven't seen it," he teases. "When are you coming home, anyway?"
"Probably not until the babies are ready to go home. I can't...I hate going back to the hotel every night and being ten minutes away from them. I think I'd have a heart attack if I drove all the way back to Jackson Bay."
I'm so eager to get home, so desperate to be able to take our family and get settled into our new life together in Jackson Bay, but we can't rush it, and with our friends and family being so great about supporting us, supporting the boys, I can wait until we're ready—until we're all ready.
"Another month, maybe? The doctors are hoping the babies will be ready to discharge by their due date."
August 24th.
"Shit, really? That's less than a month, right?"
Tucking my feet up under me, I smile at the moon and the stars, twisting my neck to watch Edward open the French doors and step out to join me. As he wraps his arm around my shoulders and says a quick hello to Benjamin, I think about how much we still need to do to prepare ourselves and our home for the babies.
We still have no nursery set up. I haven't even been home once since I was admitted to the hospital on bed rest back in April. We have a custom stroller which was kindly donated to us, but we'll also need two triple strollers because one six-seater is not going to be practical for most outings, and that's once the babies are even big and well enough to go out. Before that we'll need some kind of baby area set up with their bassinets, a changing station, somewhere for bottles to be stored…
We're so unprepared.
And we have less than a month if the babies keep progressing at the same rate they are now.
"You know you have a whole bunch of people here just waiting to help you, right?"
"I know, I just…"
Edward presses a kiss against my temple as I trail off.
"I get it, Bella. It's hard to accept help. But you know what? That saying, 'it takes a village?' It's true. And it's especially true for you guys. That volunteer sheet Sully had at the baby shower is three pages long. Everybody can't wait to come snuggle babies when you get them home. The women at Mom's crochet club have been knitting clothes and blankets for the babies pretty much non-stop for months now. Then there's all of us." He sits at the top of the stairs, calling out to the kids to behave—he's watching their kids and our boys over there while they have some work done on their place next door. Mom and Dad are visiting one of Dad's out-of-town hotels for the week and Angela is at a week-long work conference, so it sounds like the kids are running riot.
"You've got a big support network, guys. Use us."
Benjamin's words play on my mind throughout the evening as we eat a late dinner before falling into bed, exhaustion weighting me to the mattress. Edward draws absent-minded patterns on my stomach, mindful of the scar across my abdomen. It's itchy and still sore when I stretch too far or move too quickly. Having never had a C-section before, I didn't expect that.
Just like I didn't expect the overwhelming outpouring of support from our community.
"Benjamin is right," I finally murmur into the darkness, turning onto my side to gaze at Edward's shadowed face. I can see just enough to make out his smile as he wiggles closer, humming when our bodies are flush, my head tucked under his chin and my leg slipping between his.
I missed this closeness.
"Right about what?"
"About using our support network. About it taking a village. I mean, look at how much our friends and family and total strangers have done for us so far."
After our segment on Good Morning America aired a couple of weeks ago, the attention aimed at our family has skyrocketed. The boys think it's awesome that they were on the morning news with the sixers and Mom was even stopped by some tourists in the Bay when she took the boys to the beach the other day, but with this new notoriety comes trepidation.
We can't have our life turning into a circus.
That said, the platform we've created on social media is beneficial in so many ways we didn't anticipate. We've been able to earn a little extra money through paid partnerships with a couple of companies who've donated supplies in return for a post or two. We were paid to appear on GMA and also received a payment each time we spoke with People. With both Edward and I not working and medical bills threatening to drown us, every dollar is vital.
So is every offer of help.
"We need to take a proper look at that volunteer sheet Sully put together. And tomorrow, I think we should talk to the doctor about what the timeline is looking like for the babies right now. Rylee and River both lost their breathing tubes last week, and May thinks Oakley might get his out tomorrow or the day after, maybe. All of them are gaining weight consistently."
I'm...conflicted, when I think about how fast the babies are growing, how fast they're changing in front of our eyes.
"In four weeks, we could be bringing babies home," I whisper, disbelief wrapped around every syllable.
Edward squeezes me tighter, his breath washing over the top of my head. "They have your strength."
I snort. "And your stubbornness. Being premature isn't going to stop them."
"They're little fighters, every single one of them."
I'm distracted from thoughts of the babies by Edward's wandering fingers. My breath hitches, my heart speeding up a notch as he walks his fingertips over my hip to the small of my back, pressing just enough to rock me against him.
Oh.
His lips land hot and heavy against my crown before trailing their way down over my forehead, my brows, my nose, then the corner of my mouth.
Tease.
"Bella…"
The warmth of his plea, the heat his whisper ignites, burns like embers in the pit of my stomach.
Today marks six weeks since the sixers were born. I had my check-up with Dr. Biers this morning and he cleared me to return to normal activities as long as I listen to my body and pay attention to what it tells me.
Right now, it's telling me that it's been far too long since I felt Edward's hands where I really want them, since I felt his lips on mine for more than a gentle kiss or his teeth nipping at my skin.
His hips shift, his hard length impossible to ignore.
A soft groan bleeds into the room. It takes a moment for me to realize it was me.
"We've got to be careful," he whispers as I squirm closer, hands slipping around his back, head tipping back. He finds my lips a second later, and this kiss isn't like any we've shared in the last few months.
It's hot, wet, and needy.
It's fire, passion, and pent-up tension.
I swallow his groan before hissing as he drags his mouth down my throat toward the neck of my tee. When he can't get the access he wants, Edward sits up and tosses his leg over, kneeling above my thighs as his fingers grip the hem of my shirt. Just as he starts to peel it up, a wave of doubt crashes into me.
"Stop."
He stills, his body frozen above mine.
"Fuck, did I hurt you?"
"No, no." I grab his hands before he can jump away from me like I know he wants to, but he's wrong. "You haven't hurt me. I'm…" ugly, fat, covered in stretch marks that are so deep they'll probably never fade.
Blowing a big breath out through my teeth, I feel the prickle of tears behind my eyes.
"Keep it...keep it on. I don't...you can't see me with the shirt off."
Edward stills again, but not for long. Before I know it, he's reaching over to turn on the bedside lamp. The low glow illuminates his troubled frown as he returns to me, cupping my damp cheeks between his large, warm hands.
"Hey, what's this?"
"Crap, I'm sorry." Angrily trying to wipe the tears from my face, I bat at his hands and try to wriggle out from underneath him, but he's too heavy, my legs pinned between his. "Edward, let me…"
"No, Bella, not until you tell me what's wrong. You say I haven't hurt you, but fuck, you're crying."
"I'm not crying because you hurt me, you didn't," I cry, halfway to full-blown sobs because I'm being an idiot and he's trying to comfort me but I feel so stupid I can't pull myself together. "I'm crying because...because I'm fat and ugly and you're not going to want me anymore when you see under this shirt."
This time my words freeze him long enough that I manage to squeeze out from under him. I make it to the bathroom before Edward catches up with me, his grass-green eyes so confused and heartbreakingly sad that I end up crying harder. My tearstained face is bright red in the big mirror as he wraps his thick arms around me and holds me against his chest.
"Christ, Bella...I don't know what just happened, but please, talk to me."
I'm crying too hard, embarrassment only fuelling my tears until I'm breathless and he's hoisted me up to sit on the counter while he coaches me through a bunch of deep breaths.
"All right, there you go," he smiles gently, brushing his thumbs under my eyes and ducking to press a kiss on the tip of my nose. "Now, can you please explain what the hell just happened? I think I had about five heart attacks."
"I'm sorry," I sigh, tipping my head forward to rest my forehead against his chest. I can feel his strong heart beating as he rubs my back in soothing circles. "I'm being irrational."
"Exactly six weeks ago you gave birth to six babies at once. I think you're entitled to be a little emotional."
I almost smile at his gentle but firm correction.
"I…" Sighing, I remind myself that this is Edward. Sweet, understanding, loving Edward. The man who loves me unconditionally and shows it every single day. "I'm...self-conscious. I've gained a lot of weight and I have this horrible pouch where the skin hasn't all gone back to normal, and don't even get me started on the stretch marks. I look horrible."
My jaw aches with the threat of more tears, but with one soft touch of his thumb under my chin, one coaxing "Look at me, hon," Edward is setting me at ease.
When he speaks, I can hear his conviction ringing clear as a bell. "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, Bella."
"Edward—" I start, cut off by his swift tut.
"No, let me finish. C'mere."
I yelp as he scoops me down off the counter, leading me by the hand back into our room. Moonlight seeps through the gap in the curtains, the bedside lamp illuminating what the moon can't reach. When Edward positions me in front of the mirror, his chest to my back, I close my eyes and turn my head away from my reflection.
"Edward, I don't think—"
"Hush, woman. You told me what you see, now let me tell you what I see."
My mouth snaps shut.
I feel his smile as he brushes it over my shoulder, his fingertips toying with the hem of my baggy tee. It's actually one of his, one that I stole way back before we were even officially dating. It's worn-soft and threadbare. It's my comfort blanket. "May I?"
Gritting my teeth, I nod, my eyes still squeezed shut.
Slowly, he drags the fabric up over my hips, my stomach, my breasts. My breath catches in my throat when he deliberately brushes his fingertips over all my most sensitive spots.
Fucker.
He chuckles, low and deep, and I realize I said that aloud.
After gently pulling my shirt over my head, he tosses it away and rests his hands on my hips. Squeezing lightly, he murmurs, "Open those gorgeous eyes, Bella."
Forcing myself not to be a chicken, I do as he says. The heat and pride in his reflected gaze blows me away.
"There she is."
I can't bring myself to look at my body, so I focus on him instead.
My eyes remain locked on his face as his hands start to roam, one climbing north while the other moves south.
The northward bound hand lingers over my breasts for a couple of seconds each, his gaze softening when I warn him not to stay there long unless he wants to deal with a mess. I'm already an emotional wreck tonight. The last thing we need is milk leaking all over the place because it might just tip me over the edge from embarrassed to totally mortified.
"Have I told you how much I love that you're breastfeeding our babies, Bella?"
"Yes," I croak, taken aback by the sheer ferocity of the love infusing his voice.
"I was jealous at first. I'm not great at sharing and I hate sharing you more than anything else, but now when I see you feeding our babies I get this immense sense of awe and pride. I was watching you with Caben this afternoon and I just couldn't stop. As a man, I can't fathom how it must feel to not only give up your body for pregnancy, but also to continue doing that to feed a baby. Or babies, in your case. As your future husband, I'm so grateful that you chose to do this for the sixers."
"Edward…"
He presses his smile against my shoulder again, shaking his head. "I'm not done."
Walking his southernmost hand over the waistband of my Ninja Turtles panties, Edward smirks. His touch shifts higher, a wince tugging my lips out of their burgeoning smile. When his fingers rest just below my new scar, then splay to feel the new stripes etched into my skin, Edward's gaze softens. "This...what did you call it? A pouch?"
I nod, tears stabbing the backs of my eyes.
"Bella, you carried six babies here. Six. The fact that your body adjusted and expanded to allow that is nothing short of a miracle. These marks, they're proof that you did the unimaginable."
I've never...thought of it like that.
Edward's understanding smile tells me I don't need to say that out loud for him to know exactly what I was thinking.
"This scar will forever remind me that I get to spend the rest of my life with one of the bravest, most courageous, strongest women to walk the earth."
His lips draw a hot line between my shoulder and the soft skin behind my ear. Instinctively tilting my head to give Edward more access, I fog the mirror with my breathy sigh. Edward's large hands slip around my waist. There's no hope in hell of them touching even with his long fingers, but the flaming emerald of his gaze tells me he doesn't care about that.
"You could weigh five hundred pounds and I'd still want you, Bella."
I snort, shaking my head as he smirks at me in the mirror.
"It's true. You say you've gained weight, Bella, but all I see is the beautiful woman I fell in love with four years ago. The beautiful woman I want to spend the rest of my days with, the rest of my nights loving."
Spinning me in his arms, he ducks down to catch my lips in a feverish kiss that corroborates everything he just said. When I slip my tongue between his lips and drag my fingers through his hair, lightly scratching his scalp, he emits a low growl and chases it with a groan that makes my toes curl.
Fire licks my veins as the embers of desire are rekindled. It doesn't take long for them to become an inferno.
We become one. One messy tangle of lips, teeth, and hands.
We're against the mirror, a hiss rushing between my lips when my back hits the cold glass. Then we're moving, Edward's hands on my hips and mouth on mine keeping me upright as we stumble over his shoes and my sweatpants.
We hit the bed and laugh into each other's mouths before the fire consumes our amusement and Edward's boundless love for me—baby pouch, tiger stripes, and all—douses my fear.
A couple of you mentioned that the last chapter seemed like the end. It is most definitely not LOL. I'm currently writing chapter twenty-nine and there's probably one or two more chapters plus an epilogue to go, so we're not done yet, don't panic ;)
Big hugs and thanks to annaharding and maplestyle for being their awesome selves. I couldn't do this without both of you.
And huge hugs to each and every one of you for reading and reviewing. I love reading them and I'm sorry I don't get around to replying too much. When I get a spare second, I always kind of figure you'd rather a chapter over a review reply, but let me know if I'm wrong.
Have a great week, everybody! xo