Connie
As she watched Chip round the corner with Yoby to take him upstairs, she felt like she could barely breathe. Her palms felt damp, her stomach was in knot. She was supposed to wait for Chip to text her to let her know the coast was clear but, as the afternoon wore on, Yoby got crankier. She knew he needed a nap but she had tried to keep him entertained. She had taken him for ice cream but he hadn't gotten very far with it when he leaned it too far to one side and the ice cream had slid off onto the concrete. He had screamed with displeasure. An employee had obviously seen it happen and had run out with another one, but he wouldn't take it.
She finally got him into his car seat, although it had taken twice as long as it usually did, with her fighting to get him in. When she got into the driver's seat, she sat for a moment, both hands on the wheel and her head bent down, letting herself give in to the tears. Yoby could be a handful at times, but he was typically not out of control. She had been worried about how things were going between Chip and his kids. And she wanted to hold her baby, to snuggle into her and kiss her all over. She finally put the key in the ignition and started for home. Yoby was still crying, but his sobbing had wound down to him just quietly crying, sniffling now and then. She glanced back at him and, at a stop sign, chose a playlist of songs he liked, and started his favorite. The one he called A Lion and a Cheetah. It usually brought a smile to his face. It didn't this time, but he did finally calm down. She sighed. God, I hate to hear myself sing.
She had seen Cynthia turn out of the neighborhood as she approached and it looked to her like the kids were in the car, so even though she had to come home early, at least it wouldn't cause chaos. And then, when she walked into the house, she saw Taylor. Chip went upstairs with Yoby and she tried to calm her nerves by breathing in and out, but it was hard. She put her hands on her hips and finally managed a deep breath. Her heart was pounding though.
"Do you want to take her?" Taylor's voice startled her. She was standing close, so she'd obviously gotten up from the couch, and she had Ryleigh in her arms.
She hesitated for a second. "Sure," she said, and Taylor handed her off. She pressed her cheek to Ryleigh's head and felt her breathing ease and her heartbeat level off. She looked back at Taylor, who was still standing there. She nodded in the direction of the couch. "You want to sit?" Taylor nodded and then followed her into the den.
She didn't know what to say and the silence between them started to stretch out. Finally Taylor broke the silence. "She's a really sweet baby," she said. "And so pretty."
She smiled. "Thanks." Ryleigh lifted her arm and patted her hand. She put her thumb in Ryleigh's palm and wrapped her other fingers loosely around her tiny hand. Ryleigh tightened her grip. She couldn't help it, she leaned over and lifted Ryleigh's hand to her lips and brushed her hand gently. "I think we got lucky." She saw Taylor's eyes look away for a moment. Then she looked back, her gaze steady but no hint of anger.
"I've really been looking forward to meeting her," she said. "Dad has sent pictures almost every day. So many pictures." A little smile formed on her lips. "She's even more adorable in person."
"I'm glad you came. That you all did. I know your dad has been anxious for y'all to meet her."
Taylor took a deep breath then. "It's hard, for all of us. I don't want to close the door on my dad, so I want to make those efforts for him and for her" – she nodded towards Ryleigh – "but I can't promise anything beyond that."
She nodded. "I understand."
Taylor frowned just slightly. "Do you really? Do you really know what it feels like when your dad says he still loves you, but he's leaving you? That there's someone else he'd rather be with and to do that means leaving you." Her eyes looked sad.
"I guess maybe I really don't. And I guess, for the time being, there's not anything I can do or say to change any of it." Her heart hurt.
Taylor shook her head. "I think we need to work through it in our way, in our own time. I don't want to shut the door, but it's gonna be a process. And we all will process it differently." She glanced at Ryleigh. "I want to love her. She's my half-sister. I guess I do love her like people tend to love all babies. She's cute and holding her feels amazing. Watching how she looks at my dad, with all that innocence and trust, and just trying to get that back for myself." She breathed in deeply. "I know, in my head, that he loves you and you love him. But my heart still says it's wrong, that it shouldn't be like this."
It was hard to hear and, at first, it made her wonder why she'd let it happen. But then Ryleigh wriggled against her and she knew she wouldn't ever apologize for the little baby girl she held in her arms. Taylor and her brother and sister couldn't truly understand that, just as she couldn't put herself in their shoes. All she could hope for is that someday they could all rise above it. "I appreciate your honesty," she said to Taylor. "I really do." There was a knot in her chest. She closed her eyes and rested her cheek on the top of Ryleigh's head.
"I hope we can always be honest with each other." She opened her eyes and looked at Taylor. "I want my dad in my life. And Ryleigh. I think we'll just have to work on it."
Just then Chip walked down the stairs and they both turned to look at him. He looked back and forth between them, a question on his face. She could see Taylor stand up. "I think I'm ready to go, Dad," she said. He nodded and then looked at her. She put on a smile for him to hopefully let him know she was okay. He put his arm around Taylor then and they walked out the back door to the garage.
Once the door closed, the tears started to roll down her face. She couldn't help but wonder if things would ever be okay. She started shaking, trying to hold back the sobbing. Ryleigh started to make agitated noises, but she couldn't stop crying. Ryleigh started crying then too and she struggled trying to get her emotions under control so she wasn't upsetting her baby. She got up and walked up the stairs. She peeked in Yoby's room and saw he was asleep, sprawled across his bed. She continued on to her bedroom. She initially thought about putting Ryleigh in her bassinette, but then decided to lay on the bed with her. She pulled the covers down slightly and gently placed her daughter between the pillows, crawling onto the bed after her.
She ran her hand gently over Ryleigh's body, making soothing noises. Ryleigh waved her arms and legs in the air and she smiled. Then she pulled her daughter in close to her body, kissing her all over her face. Ryleigh opened her mouth and gave her what looked like a gummy smile, which was what she decided it really was. It lifted her spirits and she smiled. "Mama loves you, my sweet," she murmured. "The day can seem dark and stormy but you brighten it up anyway. You're my precious love. I'm so glad to be your mom." She laid her head on the pillow and played with Ryleigh until the baby drifted off to sleep. Which was where Chip found her when he got back.
Chip
Taylor was mostly quiet as they drove to the house. Finally he looked over. "You wanna talk about it?" he asked.
Taylor sighed. "Ryleigh is precious. So pretty, such a sweetheart. But...it's hard, you know? It's just all more real now that she's here. All I can think about is that you had an affair with Connie Britton and the two of you had a baby. And you chose her and Ryleigh. It feels like you didn't think about us at all."
He tried to breathe, but it felt like the air was caught in his throat. His heart felt heavy and tears pricked at his eyes. "Taylor, I'm sorry I hurt you. And that I hurt Chase and Addie. Even that I hurt your mom. I'm not going to try to explain it, because I can't completely explain it. Not in a way where you'd understand, in any case. And I don't want to minimize what it did to all of you. Maybe someday we can talk about it, but I think trying to explain right now would make it worse." He reached across and grabbed her hand. "What I do want to say is that I hope you won't blame Ryleigh or push her away. She didn't do anything but be born. I want you to know her and for her to know you. Will you try?"
She looked at him and then nodded. "Yeah, I will."
"And I'll try to wait for you, even though you know that's a hard thing for me to do. All I want is for us to get through this and be a family. I'm impatient. I know that." He drove into the driveway then and put the car in park. He turned to her. "I love you, Taylor. I love all of you. I just need you to know that."
She nodded. "I do know that. We know that. My crystal ball's just not working so well right now and I can't be sure what's next."
He leaned over and put his arm around her, then kissed her cheek. "Don't give up on us," he said. "I'll see you tomorrow, I hope."
She opened the car door and stepped out, then looked back in. "Bye, Dad," she said, giving him a little smile. "Thanks." Then she closed the door and he watched her walk up to the front door and go inside.
As he drove back home, he thought about the fact that this was all so different than how he thought it would be. Everyone had told him it would be – his mom, Cathy, Connie – but he had really believed it would be better somehow, that enough time had passed to start to heal some of the wounds. Everyone else was right, as it turned out. He had been wrong. He'd badly misjudged where his kids were on the continuum of acceptance. He still saw glimmers of hope with Taylor, that she might be more open, but she wasn't as far along as he'd hoped. Chase was mostly neutral, and he had found that encouraging in the beginning, but now he wondered. But Addie – his baby girl, Addie – she was so far away from being open to anything that he wondered if she ever would be.
He felt tears rolling down his face and he made no move to wipe them away. Somehow he'd really missed the signs on all this. He only had himself to blame – he was told this was how it would be – but he had thought he could make it okay. Patty had told him the same thing, when they had spoken about child support and visitation. They're a long way from healing, Chip. I know you live your life with rose-colored glasses on and it's all about the glass being half full, but you got this totally wrong. I'm not going to badmouth you to them or discourage them from reaching out for whatever relationship they want with you, as much as I might want to. But there's a lot of work and no guarantees. You made choices that really hurt people and are affecting everyone, including your new daughter. That had been sobering. Having her mention Ryleigh had made him uncomfortable, but he knew she was right.
He breathed in. He was where he wanted to be, but he was no longer as sure of the future as he had been.
He pulled into the garage and just sat in the car for a few minutes. The reality of everything washed over him again and he sat until he could end the tears and regain control of himself. I wouldn't change anything with respect to Connie, he told himself. But maybe I could have done things differently back when it all started. He breathed in deeply, wiped his eyes, and then let his breath out in a whoosh. He waited a couple more minutes before he got out of the car and headed inside.
The downstairs was empty and quiet when he walked in. He hustled up the stairs and first looked into Yoby's room. He was still sound asleep, laying almost crosswise on his bed, on his stomach and with one foot hanging off the side. Then he walked down to his and Connie's bedroom, where he found her laying on the bed. She looked up when he walked up to the door and smiled. "Hey," she said.
"Hey." As he approached the bed, he could see Ryleigh laying there, sound asleep. He crawled onto the bed gently. Ryleigh kicked a foot but then settled back down, still asleep. He leaned over her and kissed Connie, who put her hand on his arm, rubbing up and down. "How are you?" he asked.
She shrugged. "Okay. But, more importantly, how are you?"
He felt a lump in his throat, but tried to stay calm. "Not as good as I'd hoped I'd be. Clearly there was no magic breakthrough, which is what I was hoping for. Addie wouldn't hardly look at Ryleigh and it broke my heart. She's just so angry." He couldn't help it. Thinking about how upset and angry Addie had been brought the tears back. She frowned and reached up to brush them away. Feeling her fingers on his face felt comforting.
She sighed. "I'm so sorry. I wanted it to be okay for you."
He gave her a sad smile. "But you were right all along, and I was wrong."
She frowned. "You were hopeful. I get that. I was too. I hate how this makes you feel."
"But it's hurtful to you too." She looked away. He reached out and put his finger on her chin and turned her back to look at him. "It is." He smiled. "Taylor really loved Ryleigh though. And Chase was interested, but he's a boy, so, you know."
She sighed. "Taylor wants to love Ryleigh. And hopefully she will. I just don't want Ryleigh to be hurt when she's older." She looked down at their still sleeping baby. "I'm going to put her in her bassinette." He watched as she got up from the bed and then gently picked up Ryleigh, carrying her over and placing her in her bassinette. She stood there, her back rigid. Then she sighed. "We've really messed things up for you," she said.
He frowned. "What?"
"We have. If we'd never met each other. If we'd never given in to the chemistry, never made it real." She sighed again. "If you'd used a condom that night. You wouldn't be where you are."
He got up and walked up behind her, putting his arms around her. She felt stiff in his arms, as though she were holding in her emotions, which she probably was. "Don't say that," he whispered in her ear. "If we hadn't met, I would have missed out on knowing someone as amazing as you. If we hadn't given in to the chemistry, I would never have known what I was missing in my life." He smiled just a little. "If I hadn't forgotten to wear a condom, we wouldn't have this precious girl, who, by the way, I would never wish away. Maybe if she'd never come to be, we wouldn't have known to miss her, but I just can't imagine never knowing her now." He kissed her shoulder. "I love you, Connie. I love our life and our little girl. I thought I had what I wanted in life, until I didn't. And that had been missing long before I met you." He felt her start to relax in his arms. "I know the circumstances weren't ideal, but I wouldn't trade this for anything."
"It just hurt so many people, mainly the ones who mean the most to you. I don't know that they will ever accept me and I worry about whether they'll blame Ryleigh. And I worry that they won't ever feel the same way about you again and that's really what hurts the most."
He had to admit he'd wondered about the last part, more than anything. He'd chosen Connie and that might have damaged his relationship with his kids forever. It hurt him deeply to consider that. "I made the right choice though. I chose to be happy," he said. "I believe we can heal. I know I'm impatient about that and I'll have to learn to wait for it. I think it's gonna happen though."
She turned around and looked up at him. "One of the things I love most about you is your optimism. And the thing I dislike the most about myself right now is how much I feel like I've hurt you and caused you pain."
He shook his head. "I don't want you to feel like that. It's still raw, I get that. But I'm determined to work through this with them. To show them nothing has changed about how I feel about them and how much I still want to be their dad."
"But you might end up resenting me."
"No. That won't happen. I promise." She started to respond and he cut her off by kissing her, long and slow. When he finally pulled away, he smiled. "I love you, Connie Britton. You're my heart. We'll figure this out. We will." Then he leaned in and kissed her again.
Connie
She got loud. She couldn't help it. It was like there were fireworks going off inside her. Her hands were on Chip's shoulders as she leaned over him, her orgasm building up to a fiery crescendo. His hands were on her hips and she felt him tense up underneath her before letting go with a low groan. She was breathing hard but tried to be still, hoping their enthusiasm hadn't woken up Ryleigh. She didn't hear anything though and she finally rolled over onto her back. She laughed softly. "Oh, God, Chip," she said, still trying to catch her breath.
He turned his head to look at her. "You definitely have not lost your touch," he said, with a grin.
She swatted his chest with her hand, then rolled onto her side. "It's all because of you, babe," she said, pressing a kiss on his chest. She leaned towards him and he kissed her. He slid his arm around her waist and pulled her close.
He chuckled softly. "Good thing you didn't wake up our daughter though," he said with a grin. "You were a little bit...boisterous there."
She drew in a breath, but smiled at him anyway. "I think that's on you," she said.
He raised his eyebrows and smirked. "I must be pretty good then," he said with a laugh.
She laughed with him and kissed him lightly on the lips. "You are," she said. She sighed then. "I need to get some sleep though. While Yoby and Ryleigh are with your mom tomorrow, I've got to go in for wardrobe fitting." She made a face.
"What are they doing? Giving you some different hospital gown offerings?"
She shook her head. "No. It's for the next few episodes. I think they want to see if I can still fit into the same size as before." She raised her eyebrows. "Especially the blouses and shirts."
"I think you look perfect." He rubbed his thumb along the side of one of her breasts, a zinger shooting through her. "And these are perfect too."
She smiled. "Thanks, babe." Then the smile faded. "It just makes everything more real, you know? I mean, in a week and a half, I'm going back to work and this time with Ryleigh is over."
He shook his head. "It's not over, sweetie. You're taking her with you, every day."
"I know, but I won't be able to devote full attention to her like I can now." She leaned her head against his shoulder and sighed again. "It's just going too fast."
"I know," he murmured, kissing her on the forehead. "You just gotta make the most of what's left and we'll manage the rest." He put his hand behind her neck and she looked up at him. He kissed her. "I think we both need some sleep, especially since I've got to get those two ready in the morning."
She nodded and then closed her eyes, letting herself relax into him. Before she knew it, she was asleep.
Chip
Connie had already left to go for her wardrobe appointment and then she was going to see her vocal coach. She wouldn't be singing for the first several episodes, but she told him she needed it. I don't want to embarrass myself and it'll take that long to be sure I can actually sing. He smiled to himself. She always sold herself short in that regard. He was taking Yoby and Ryleigh over to the house where his mom and the kids were staying, so that he could get to work.
Connie had already packed up diaper bags and put them in his car, so all he had to worry about was getting both kids in their car seats. He had Ryleigh in one arm and grabbed Yoby's hand with his other hand. "Let's go, buddy," he said.
"Where we goin'?" he asked, looking up.
He smiled. "Nana's. And Taylor, Chase, and Addie are there too."
Yoby grinned. "Yay!"
He started around the car to the side where Ryleigh's car seat was. "Let me get your sister in first," he said, dropping Yoby's hand to open the door.
"Wyleigh," Yoby said.
He laughed. "That's right. Stand right here," he said, pointing where he wanted Yoby to wait. Then he leaned in, gently placing Ryleigh in her car seat. This was actually her first car ride, other than the day they'd brought her home, so he was anxious to see how she did. It turned out she was just as difficult about being strapped into the car seat as she was about being dressed and he struggled a bit with getting her fastened in. he frowned playfully at her. "You need to let me do this, sweetie," he said, chiding her gently. When he finally got her in, he turned to Yoby. "Okay," he said. "Your turn."
Yoby ran around to the other side of the car. He closed the door and walked over to open the other door. Yoby scrambled in and got situated in the booster seat. He always liked to help with strapping in and almost did it himself. When he was set, he looked over at Ryleigh and patted her arm. "Be a good girl, Wyleigh," he said. She looked at him and waved her arms.
"You in there good, buddy?" he asked, as he checked the security.
"Yep!" Yoby said, loudly. Ryleigh made a little noise, but didn't start crying, thankfully.
He closed that door and then got into the driver's seat. He looked back over his shoulder. Yoby was behind him and he could see Ryleigh's profile in her backward-facing car seat. "Everybody ready?" he asked.
"Yes," Yoby declared. "We weady."
He smiled. "Why don't you hold baby sister's hand, Yobes? This is her first car ride," he said.
"Okay," he said happily, and he watched as Yoby took Ryleigh's hand in his own small one. He found himself hoping his older kids would one day be open to doing the same.
He put the bottles of breast milk in the fridge and pulled out the travel warmer for his mom. He showed her everything Connie had packed, including extra clothes and diapers, along with pull-ups for Yoby. He gave her Connie's number in case she needed to reach her and told her when he expected to be back to pick up the kids. When he walked back out through the great room to head for work, he was stopped short by the sight of Addie cuddling Ryleigh and it made him want to cry. His mom was standing next to him and she rubbed her hand on his back.
"See? I told you things would be better today. She and I had a long talk and I think it helped her separate her feelings in general with her feelings about her sister." She looked up at him. "Don't get ahead of yourself, though. This is about the baby right now. Just let her work through that. Don't push." He just nodded, but when he looked back, he couldn't help but feel a surge of hope.
Connie
She had just put on a black top to see how things fit, when her phone buzzed. She held up a finger. "Can I get that? My daughter is with her grandmother and it could be about that." She walked over to her phone, thinking to herself how much she loved being able to say 'my daughter'. She smiled when she picked up the phone and held it to her ear. "Hey, babe, did you get everybody dropped off? How was Ryleigh in the car?" she asked.
"She was great. Yoby held her hand the whole way." She could hear a smile in his voice.
"Oh, how sweet." She would love to see that.
"How's wardrobe fitting going? Any potential wardrobe malfunctions?" He laughed.
"Well, I think what I have on right now might need to be sized up, but fortunately, there's no cleavage baring outfit for the second episode. So I think we're good."
He chuckled. "Well, here's some good news. Surprising news. When I got ready to leave Mom's, Addie was holding Ryleigh."
She put her hand over her mouth. "Oh, Chip, that's wonderful. I'm so glad."
"I mean, it may not mean anything in the grand scheme of things and she may still hate me, probably still hates me, but at least she's warming up to Ryleigh. I can live with that, I think."
"I think we need to. It's a first step." She smiled to herself. "I wasn't sure how she was actually going to be able to resist the cutest baby in the world for very long."
"Clearly not long. So, I gotta get ready for this scene. I'll pick the kids up on the way home."
"I'll see you there. Hey, Chip?"
"Yeah?"
She smiled. "I love you."
"Love you too."
She disconnected, still smiling. She didn't put the phone down immediately, just held it to her chest. She loved her little family. Then she put the phone down and turned around. "So, I'm a little concerned I'm not going to get this off," she said. "It's incredibly snug."
When she had gotten home, she tried to read over the script, but she couldn't stay focused. Chip kept telling her going back to work would be okay, that she'd have the kids with her every day she was on set. She had managed to work and deal with being a mom to Yoby, although it had been hard and exhausting. But having a brand new baby, one who would just be finally at the date she was supposed to be born, had been a different matter. The thought of leaving her daughter for the smallest amount of time had been difficult. Having to keep a low profile while Chip's kids were in town had meant she was spending a lot of time without her baby. She had mixed feelings about it, feelings she didn't want to bother Chip with. But she felt a mix of sadness and irritation. She wanted to be understanding, but at times it had been hard. She felt like she was already missing so much.
She walked upstairs to the nursery and opened up the closet. She loved to look at the tiny clothes and the little shoes she'd received for Ryleigh. She picked up a little pair of Uggs that, even as tiny as they were, were still way too big for Ryleigh's tiny feet. She had lots of bows that she'd yet to put on Ryleigh's head. There were so many little pink outfits as well as outfits in all sorts of pastels. There were even a tiny pair of cowboy boots she couldn't wait for her daughter to wear. She picked up a really soft pink and white blanket and wished it was cool enough to wrap Ryleigh up in it. She wondered what she would be like in the late fall or winter when it would be time to use it. It felt like her daughter changed every day. She was able to focus on faces and she loved how fascinated she seemed every time she looked at Chip or Yoby. She had wondered how Yoby would handle being a big brother, but he'd been very sweet with her.
She was so caught up in her musings that she hadn't heard the door open downstairs. "Hey," Chip said from the door. He was holding Ryleigh but then Yoby whipped around his legs and ran to her.
"Mama!" he cried. She leaned over and picked him up, settling him on her hip. "Hey there, little man," she said, with a smile. "How was your day?"
"Gweat!" he said. "Did TV with Chase."
She frowned a little and looked over at Chip. "How do you do TV?"
Chip smiled. "Video games."
She walked over to him and lifted her face so he could kiss her. "Hey," she said, with a smile.
"Hey." She caught a little something in his voice.
"You okay?"
He nodded. "Yeah," he said, but she was pretty sure that wasn't true. But she wouldn't pry. She leaned towards Ryleigh and rubbed her nose against the baby's nose.
"Hey, sweet girl." Ryleigh lifted her hand and tried to grip her nose with her hand. She laughed, grabbing her daughter's hand and kissing it. "You can't have Mama's nose, little girl. No, you can't." She suddenly felt a little teary looking at the child she never thought she could have and felt enormous gratitude for the chance to have had her. She blinked a few times, then looked up at Chip. "I'll go order delivery. Any preference?"
He thought for a moment. "You up for barbeque?"
She nodded. "Sure, I can do that. It might mean takeout though."
He grinned. "I think I can manage."
She patted his arm, then headed for the stairs with Yoby. She looked at him. "You want a hamburger, Yobes?"
He nodded. "Yes!"
"Okay, then. Let's go order it." She headed out and down the stairs.
Chip
She put her head on his chest and he wrapped his arm around her. She rubbed his chest. "You seemed a little distant tonight. Is everything okay?"
He felt like all he did was complain anymore. "Everything's fine."
She looked up at him. "You were really excited this morning when you called me. And now you're definitely not. Is it work?"
He shook his head, rubbing his face. "No, not work." He rubbed her arm. "I guess I'm just realizing that this...thing with the kids could go on a while. And I just feel, I don't know..."
"Torn? Conflicted?" He shrugged. "I wouldn't blame you. But I think all you can do at this point is love them and keep reminding them that you love them. Don't give up on them, but let them come to you." She smiled. "And while you wait, you have us. We love you."
He finally smiled. "I'm glad I have you. And Yoby and Ryleigh. I love y'all too." He rolled onto his side and gently ran his fingers up and down her arm. "You always know the right thing to say."
She laughed softly. "I wish I actually did." She rubbed his face with her hand. "I just hate seeing you so disappointed." She smiled. "I think, after they leave, maybe we could put together a picnic and drive outside of Nashville and just spend some time together, alone. The four of us."
He raised his eyebrows. "All of us? Even Ryleigh?"
She nodded. "Even Ryleigh. We can find a place that's secluded and shady. We can take a blanket and put it on the grass and let her get a little fresh air. We can just relax and not be around anybody, not worry about everything going on around us. What do you think?"
He smiled and then leaned in and kissed her. "I think you're the smartest woman I know. And I think that's a great idea." He kissed her again, then laid his body over hers. "I also think you're the sexiest woman I know," he murmured.
She smiled. "You're the sexiest man I know." A second went by. "Ooh," she whispered, as he touched her. She arched her back slightly. "Oh," she whispered again. She looked up at him. "Oh, Chip," she moaned. She slid her arms around his neck.
"That feel good, baby?" he asked. She nodded. She was ready and he needed to be wrapped up in her. He entered her slowly and took his time loving her that night. His movements were rhythmic and steady. He kissed her, letting his lips linger over hers, then sliding his tongue in her mouth to meet hers. He put his hands on her waist and then let his fingers trail over her skin. He thought about when he first met her. She wasn't wearing makeup, her hair was trailing down over her shoulders in soft waves. She had freckles. He wasn't sure he'd known she had freckles before. She looked young and fresh and radiant. And incredibly, unbelievably sexy. He lifted his head, looking down at her. Her eyes were shining and focused on his. She had a soft little smile on her face. Every time I think I couldn't love her more, I do.
Her eyes closed, she arched her back, and then her mouth opened slightly, little moans escaping her lips. He could feel her come, as he watched her face and listened to her incoherent little whispers. When she was done, he let go, spilling himself insider her, then lowering his lips to capture hers again. He leaned down and whispered, "I love you so much."
She let her fingers stroke the back of his neck and she whispered back, "I love you too."
It was the last day his mom and the kids would be in Nashville. They would all leave the next day. He wasn't working, so he'd stayed home with both Yoby and Ryleigh. Connie had woken up in an uncharacteristically bad mood. She'd been restless the night before as well, but she didn't really want to talk about it. She was subdued while she fed Ryleigh, then gave her a bath and got her dressed. She came downstairs to the kitchen. He frowned. "Where's Ryleigh?"
"Sleeping. I think her night was rough too." It was true. Ryleigh had cried much of the night, which also had led to the rough night. She hadn't seemed to want to settle down and they had both split time walking with her.
He nodded. "Hopefully she's happier when everyone gets here." He gently took her arm and turned her to face him. "You okay?"
She shrugged. "I guess."
"You sure?" he asked. She glared at him, but said nothing. "Uh, you want some coffee? Or tea? Something to eat?"
She walked over to the kitchen table and sat down. "Some tea would be nice," she said. "Maybe a piece of toast." She started flipping through a magazine she'd left on the table the day before.
When he brought her tea and toast, he sat down next to her. She took a sip of tea, but didn't pick up the toast. "What's going on, baby?" he asked.
She put her cup down on the table, a little harder than was necessary. She looked at him and he could see the irritation on her face. "Nothing, Chip," she said, her tone sharp. Then she returned her attention to the magazine.
He hesitated, then got up from the table and cleaned up. He looked over at her, but she was seemingly focused on the magazine, so he decided to go upstairs and get ready. When he walked into the bedroom, he looked into the bassinette. Ryleigh was wrapped up and her eyes were closed. Her breathing was shallow and even. He couldn't help but smile. He reached down and ran the back of his finger gently against her cheek. She didn't move. He sighed, hoping things wouldn't always be this tense.
Connie
She just flipped the pages of the magazine, not focusing on them at all. This was the last day Chip's mom and his kids would be in Nashville. She hated to admit it, but she was happy to see them go. Not Chip's mom – she'd been kind and caring – but the kids had made her feel like a pariah. She tried to be honest with herself about it, her part in breaking up their family, but she also didn't like being pushed aside. She was having a tough time navigating all the different feelings she had. She wanted to support Chip and be there for him, but she also didn't like having to leave her own home and leave her daughter so that the kids didn't have to deal with her. On the one hand, she understood why they would not want to interact with her, but on the other she didn't want to just let herself be walked over.
By the time Chip came back downstairs, she was feeling out of sorts. He came and leaned towards her, kissing her cheek. She didn't react. He sat down next to her. "Sweetie," he started. She looked at him.
"Don't," she said, holding up her hand as though she were holding him at bay. "I know this isn't completely your fault, but I'm really not okay with having to hide away so your kids can try to love our daughter."
He frowned slightly. "It's not my fault. I've tried..."
"But you're letting them do this. I know it's hard and I know it's painful for them. But Ryleigh is my daughter. Our daughter. And that's not going to change. And she's tiny right now. She needs me. It's not that you can't handle her, but this is when babies need their mamas. And I have to leave her." She could feel tears in her eyes and hated it. "More than anything, I want you to be able to mend your relationship with them, but I feel left out. And I also feel terrible for wanting something I can't have. And for feeling these things." She got up then, went into the kitchen, and picked up her purse and keys. Chip followed her.
"I don't want you to feel like this, baby," he said.
She looked at him. "I don't either. And I don't like feeling this way. I shouldn't be feeling this way. I can't take the moral high ground on this and I know that. But I can't help feeling, I don't know. Angry isn't really the word for it. Maybe sad and disappointed." She put her hand on his arm. "I'm going to go now. I need to get some perspective."
He frowned. "Connie..."
She shook her head. "They'll be gone tomorrow. You need to make the most of your time with them." She forced herself to smile. "I'll see you later." She started to walk out, but he gently took her arm to stop her. She looked up and hated seeing the sadness in his eyes. He brushed his lips across hers. She patted his chest and then walked out the back door.
Chip
He almost felt like he was sleepwalking, as though he were watching everything from outside himself. When he heard Ryleigh crying, he took a bottle from the fridge and warmed it, then headed upstairs. He sent Yoby to his room, to put on the clothes Connie had left on his bed. Yoby was at that stage where he wanted to do things himself, so she would put his clothes out for him so at least he would look put together. He headed for the bedroom to get Ryleigh. Her face was screwed up, red from her tears. He picked her up and tried soothing her, loosening the blanket wrapped around her and taking her into the nursery. He settled into the chair and put the bottle to her lips. She took it hungrily and he just watched her, doing all of it as though he were looking through a gauzy film. Connie had spent all her time supporting him, even when that meant she had to leave. This was hard on her too and he wanted to figure out how to make it right for her. He needed to do that for her.
It wasn't long after he'd gotten Ryleigh changed into a clean diaper and clothes that his mom arrived with the kids. They all took over with Yoby and the baby and he walked out onto the back deck. The air around him seemed unsettled. He had a feeling of being all alone and he didn't like it. Connie had been upset, but also eerily calm, almost disconnected. He didn't like that either. She'd been such a rock, but this was getting to her too.
The door opened behind him and he turned to see his mom. She closed the door and walked out to stand next to him. "Are you okay?" she asked.
He looked at her, then shook his head. "No, I'm not," he said. He looked back out over the backyard, filled with trees. It was a heavily wooded neighborhood and in the warmer months, when the trees had grown leaves, it felt private and secluded. The trees formed a sort of canopy around the house that kept a lot of the noise out. Then flowering plants sent up their fragrant smells into the air and it felt peaceful, even though inside he felt anything but. He looked back at her and waved his arm towards the back door. "I appreciate that they have all seem to have taken to Yoby and Ryleigh. But they're still shutting me out and worse, they're shutting Connie out too." He sighed. "She left earlier today and she was not in a good place."
"Chip, you knew not to expect everything to repair itself overnight. The kids are enchanted with Yoby and Ryleigh and I think that if you had been realistic, you would understand that's probably the best that was going to happen this week. You can't push."
He frowned. "I haven't been pushing," he said stubbornly.
"Actually you have. You've had expectations that weren't grounded in reality and they're aware of it." She sighed. "I know they all still love you. Deep down, you're Dad. Other than this one thing, you're the same dad they've always had, and I think that's what's been tough for them."
"Are you saying they're never gonna forgive me for this?"
She shook her head. "I'm not saying that. I don't think they'll never be able to make peace with it, but it's not going to happen over just a few days." She put a hand on his arm. "And as far as Connie goes? I think Taylor, since she's a little older and a little more mature, she's more willing to test the waters, but even for her, it's a tough place to go right now. I think she wants to understand, but I don't want you taking that and thinking it's all going to work out the way you want it to." She rubbed his arm. "I really like Connie. I'm old enough that I can get myself mostly past the way you upended our family. I know you love her. I can see that. She loves you. I can see that too. But I was angry at you too, in the beginning. I didn't understand how you could have done that, how you could have walked away from Patty like that."
"Mom, I..."
She waved her hand. "I know. You weren't happy. You've said that. But you were married, Chip. Had a family. Were committed to that family, I thought." He turned away. "You came here, without your family, and you had an affair, and then the thing you probably never thought about, never even considered would happen, did. She's pregnant. You feel obligation, because that's who you are. You wanted to be there for her. And maybe if all that had happened but you went back to your family, I don't know, it would have been hard but it wouldn't have been like you picked a side."
His heart felt heavy. He understood what it looked like from the outside. He had known there would be consequences for his choices. But he loved Connie. And now, not only were his children hurting, but Connie was too. All for the choices he'd made. He looked back at his mom. "It's the only choice I could make," he said.
She gave him a sad smile and then nodded. "Just be patient," she said. She turned then and walked back into the house.
It was mid-afternoon when they left. They would be flying out early the next morning, including his mom. He hugged each one of them, holding on tight. No matter how hard the visit had been, he loved them. He desperately wanted to rebuild his relationship with them, but he understood he needed to be patient. It wouldn't be easy, but he would sure try. "I'm glad y'all came," he said, tears in his eyes. "I'm glad you had a chance to spend some time with Ryleigh and I hope you'll come back again." He rubbed his face. "I love each one of you, I hope you know that. I know you're disappointed in me and I'm sorry. I still love you though and I'm still your dad. I'll always be your dad." His voice trailed off.
Taylor walked up to him and hugged him again. "I love you, Dad," she said, her voice muffled as she leaned against him. He held her close, then kissed her forehead. Chase gave him a bear hug. Finally it was just Addie. He looked at her and she had tears running down her face. Her face wasn't pinched with anger, but she still held back.
She looked like maybe she wanted to say something, do something, but in the end she just took a deep breath and said, "Bye, Dad." And then they were gone.
He stood in the foyer, tears rolling down his face. Please don't let me lose them. Give us a chance. Then he heard Ryleigh start to cry and he jogged up the stairs. He walked up to her bassinette and she fixed her eyes on him, still crying. He leaned over and unwrapped the blanket, then picked her up, holding her close against his chest. He shushed her softly and rubbed her back. "Daddy loves you, sweet girl," he whispered, his cheek against her head. "I'll always love you. Please remember that."