"…the map."

How could I have been so careless as to forget about the map. It was the only reason why I had gone to the troll market in the first place. To go to Gregorin before Nuada could find out that the last royal advisor was there, in hiding, which would have been a strong indicator that he concealed something of importance.

I had it in my hand, in the pocket of my dress. I had felt it hit my leg. Then…

Well so much happened.

Obviously at some point I had dropped it. Perhaps when I was fighting, or when that wretched Skolga had been ravishing me with its poison, maybe even after but I hadn't considered it at the same level as I did the crown piece. There was my fault. Otherwise I would have done to it, what I did the piece and give it to Liz then the BPRD.

For all the influence I had over other people's minds; it seemed that I was well on the way of losing mine.

one step forward, ten steps back.

"damn!"

"hey easy with the language there Nim. You're a princess remember."

The latch to my door clicked shut and there was the hulking figure of hellboy, amused at my curse as it wasn't like my character. Elves didn't particularly have any words of the colourful sort, which Hellboy enjoyed throwing around. In the early days of my learning English, I even had to ask the professor what some of them meant, discovering depending on the shade the professor's cheeks would turn, which were the ones far worse than others. Not a beat passed before Hellboy 's ear would be pulled, hauling him away to his room whilst being scolded by his father for my fault in unknowingly telling on the boy. He wouldn't speak to me for ages afterwards and I would bribe him with a sweet.

"forgive me, I didn't hear you nock."

I was shaken after realising my mistake and quickly tried to wipe away my distress, but I would need to travel three days back in time to make that at all possible.

"I uh, didn't knock," he motioned to the door, "I distracted those two idiots meant to be standing guard. It didn't take much, I swindled a food cart and pushed it down the hallway. They'll be picking at those plates like vultures I reckon."

I chuckled half-heartedly, it had been a long night for everyone involved and I signalled for Hellboy to sit beside me, welcoming his presence warmly. I didn't want to be alone at the present, so his arrival was most fortunate.

"I came to see if you were alright, Liz and I were worried about you."

Cosmetically, I had showered, put on some clean clothes and braided my hair out the way. My dress remained discarded on the bathroom floor and would be better off binned as there was nothing salvable. Una would have a fit if she knew what had happened to it and that I had returned to wearing a black t-shirt and jeans. I found that it was soothing to have something from my old self on, when all my problems had been so distant.

"Thank you Hellboy. I'll admit, I thought one of the cells was my destination when we arrived, so I'm glad to be in my room. Even if it means having two idiots outside it."

"come on, I wouldn't let them do that to you."

That touched my heart. Hellboy was good at holding grudges and I thought I had surely earnt it after deceiving him for all these years. His treatment in the market suggested as much and I would not have blamed him one bit. I would have had to conjure an impressive mountain of sweets indeed, to win him over in that case and only then I might have been in for a chance at a smile.

"Hey what you grinning at," he asked, jerking his arm to make my head bounce.

"I am just remembering when you were a boy. It doesn't seem so long ago if I close my eyes. You would have done the same thing then as you did now. I felt needed with you around. Like I had a purpose to make sure you were happy, when your childhood wasn't a conventional one. How fine you have grown. A true credit to your father."

He peered at me and with this contact, I picked up on his stroking the beads wrapped around his wrist, that had belonged to his father. It was his way of keeping the professor with him and to look to when he wasn't sure on what to do. They bickered a lot but then what family didn't, I just wished I could take away the blame he put on himself for his father's murder.

In many ways, it reminded me of Balor. An old man determining his own fate, while his body riddled him with weaknesses beyond his control. The professor had devoted his life to raising Hellboy and he would be his greatest accomplishment, not the BPRD, for I knew that hellboy would defy his true heritage and remain in the light his father showed him, existed.

"I miss him."

The place certainly wasn't the same without him and there were many pretenders who thought they could fill his shoes. But I know that if he were still alive, I would have none of the reservations that I do now. That he would take the leap of faith and let me go, same as he did that night, when he did the reverse and let me into the BPRD, despite my intention having been to kill the demon I clung to now and shared in grief with.

"My brother was a lot older than me, and I was just a babe when our parents died, so he became my father in many ways. He died in battle and I didn't have the chance to say goodbye. Things were different with Balor; only I just can't decide which is worse. Finding courage to Permit a parting or being dealt with one."

"…you've never told me anything like that before. Stuff about your life before we met."

I deliberated on it, thinking I might have sneakily revealed something in the stories I used to tell him and failed to pick up on even one fine detail. I had been so cautious. It was nice not having that barrier of secrecy and I could talk freely and share things.

"There's no reason to lie or hide anything now."

"Really?" I could tell this was something he wanted to hear, and followed on with a question to test me, "So, what's up with you and the Terminator?"

I raised a brow in confusion, "you mean Nuada?"

"yeah," he answered, "give me the full gossip too, not just a repeat of what you told gas bag."

I struggled to find the start of it all, but once I got going, I couldn't stop. I told Hellboy everything and grew lighter the more I ranted; my voice quivering in some places, annoyed at others, then reminiscent at the good parts.

Hellboy had turned to sitting on the floor; his legs crossed and focused, living my past along with me, with outbursts that mostly agreed with my standpoint, though it could have been out of kindness.

His eyes softened at the corners when I got to the part of the abandoned railway, when I neglected my duties, costing a few agents their lives. Understanding finally why I had done it, when I denied him an explanation for so long.

When I finished it was a reassurance that I had every right to be exhausted right now. My life hasn't been dull; in fact, I would trade anything just to have one dull day without something pressing on me that made it hard to sleep at night, or breath.

"Wow and I thought mine and Liz's relationship was rocky."

I would say that was a fair statement if you put cheating death and a few exploding doors, against my denying Nuada's crown, fully intending to kill Nuada and banishing his best friend, just to name a few things in the past twenty-four hours; the list could go on.

"you blame yourself for the golden army don't you."

I looked at him, as though he had just struck me. It was a horrifying thing to be faced with the guilt you've harboured for centuries.

That I didn't have to admit to it and he just picked up on it so easily though I had rattled on about so many things. To me it proved that it must be true. That a weep over the sins I sowed.

"Nimue," he clasped my hand in his, stone and flesh, "from what you said, king Balor would have done it anyway. You need to stop blaming yourself."

I smiled at his optimism, "it's too late for that I'm afraid. Its roots have dug deep into my soul and I will go on damning my actions, until the day I die."

My body was weightless. Everything around me was marred at the edges and misted, making me unsure of my surroundings. It was quiet, as though my ears were muffled by a rushing sound of waves meeting the sand along the shoreline. Had my spirit ever been so peaceful? like being enthralled by a dream. Only this feeling surpassed even that otherworldly dimension. Because here I was a bystander to my own movements, free of effort, incentive or knowledge of where I was going. It should have been a terrifying feeling, to have no control, but I felt safe as babe cradled in their mother's arms.

It did seem purposeful, however, that I could string along coherent thoughts. This entity wanted to keep me anchored in this way, though I was blind and deaf to everything else. It was a curious thing and I started to grasp at any logical reason and found it difficult to care to do so all the same.

Then a light burst out of nowhere. Gentle to the eyes, as it would be when you gazed up at the surface of the water you were pulled beneath. Recalling that there was a sun beyond its barrier, and it called to me, like a moth to the flame.

I was entranced by this vision of purity and what it instilled in me. Reaching for some clarity and not finding any; though I swore I heard a voice being carried in the current of my sea depths.

"I am waiting Nimue; come find me…"

A wave of nausea washed over me as I was projected abruptly back in charge of my body and the puppeteer strings that someone else commanded, to keep me afloat, were cut. I fell of course, as I was taken by surprise at the reminder there was a heaviness I needed to carry on my own two feet.

I buckled and shook, forgetting what it took to stand.

What was that?!

Or more accurately, who Had it been?

I panted too much to ask aloud, sucking in air I must have been deprived of because my lungs were burning with a ferocious fire, I hadn't felt before, the same as my eyes. I blinked furiously, for the very opposite had happened to them, where they had been exposed to too much air and needed desperately some moisture.

Shocked as much as I was, there wasn't any fear still.

Whoever had connected with me, I had known them well, I was sure of it, as a warmth lingered from the familiarity, like when you experience something that was of comfort to you when a child. It would explain why they could link with me as they did. A connection must be present, a bond or blood tie, mingled with purpose.

And it wasn't Nuada.

Their voice might have been disguised, but I knew it wasn't my husbands and it didn't feel like the working of our bond. This still had a level of mystery to it, while we at our prime became too well accustomed in the abilities behind mates. Never once did complete possession come into the equation.

Why did they release their hold if what they wanted was to meet me, and they had been close in doing so, considering I was sitting in the darkness of portal. However, what was different here was that the entrance had remained open and when I squinted, the library was displayed before me.

That was strange, I was sure my bedroom had been the last place I had been. Of course it was; I had essentially been imprisoned there, so if I were here I must have done well in my trance to make it as far as to find this portal. This made me dread to think what I did to anyone who crossed me, my guards included, because I had no recollection. A slighted part of me hoped I had paid them back for their kindness and maybe that it had included a run in with Manning.

Whatever my thoughts now, I had to remember that lingering in a portal wasn't the best thing to do and I pushed myself to get up and quickly investigate. The path ahead didn't share a view of its destination, so I peered out at the library again, only this time there seemed to be a lot of commotion.

"this is the last place I can trace her!"

"what have you done to my Nimue."

"I can't hear her!"

"Tell me where she is!"

I had warned them that Nuada was going to infiltrate headquarters sooner or later and he had proven me right. I had imagined him in the library so many times while I had been reading, that it was strange to actually see him there. Only he had been calm and collected in my conjuring's, browsing the selection of books he might have been impressed with, as it had been a hobby we shared.

At the time we lived in Bethmoora, he even surprised me one day by inviting my favourite historian to dine with us. The poor nymph, I had bombarded them with so many questions and interjected his conversation with thoughts of my own and ideas for his future books. If I hadn't been a princess, he may have walked away from me insulted and clung to Nuada more as a consequence, since the prince had been a reserved admirer compared to me.

Now, I watched him knock down numerous aisles and they toppled into the next sending a cascade of books to the floor. Statues were toppled over, chairs flung to the other side of the room and glass was scattered from the lighting.

The Nuada I knew would be disgusted with himself if he thought that he would ever tarnish the written word and as a last point, he swung his lance into the glass of Abraham's tank.

"No!" I screamed, while the water poured over everything and would me it hard to salvage anything, unless there was immediate responses. But it wasn't just that. These were the Professors. A library he had contributed to since the formation of the BPRD and it stood as a memorial to him.

Abe and I made conscious effort to keep everything as the professor had left it. A pair of his spectacles even remained on his desk; a coat hung on the back of a chair.

Where were they now?

Could I sense him there if I stood in the library again? Or would he be gone thanks to this destruction and his impression washed away.

"stop it Nuada!" I wept, but he didn't so much as flinch. I tried again, over and over telling him to take a good look at what he was doing. To feel my heartbreak as I shared my attachment to this corner of the BPRD, that had felt a little like the home I had wanted and missed for so long.

There wasn't a reply.

In fact, I couldn't feel him on the other end of my tether, as I tugged at it with all these efforts for him to hear and feel me. It wasn't broken though, I was sure about that, otherwise that tether would have smacked back at me. It was just limp. Its power dulled to the bare minimum that nothing could pulsate through it.

He asked where I was, that the library was the last place he could trace me…

I stared around at blackened curtains enveloping me, which cheated space and time. Did our bond not work in this place, because its dimension defied all laws of the world we knew and carried its own, that we only manipulated with skill due to our magical blood.

Maybe we were the ones being manipulated.

However, I didn't want to linger in here to find out because I might not like the answer. Instead I knew that I had to make my choice, to join and confront my husband with the BPRD or…

I had not imagined that voice.

"I am waiting Nimue; come find me…"

That is what it said.

There were reasons why I should ignore it. A possible danger for one; since I had my own troubles, therefore I didn't need to be given anymore. A wiser person would turn their back and walk away, but I was far too curious. A mistake be it may, I had to know what waited for me on the other end of this portal.

I trembled slightly from the risk I was willing to take. But something was telling me that wasn't the case.

I spared one last glance at Nuada, who finally had grabbed the attention of the agents and Hellboy; then without sparing any more time to doubt my decision, I ran as fast as my legs could carry me.

"alright then, show yourself to me!"