As Zim stepped in he saw hundreds of tallers packed into the enormous, circular room. They were all gazing upward and bickering among themselves over who would be measured first. Zim had come in very late, the crowd was already sorted out. All of the real tallers were already in front, while the smaller-tallers had formed the crowd behind them. They all surrounded the center, circular stage, and resting above the stage were the magnificent Control Brains. They were nestled, in sleep mode, inside a box of large, overhanging screens. Their thick cables covered the ceiling and walls of the building, connecting them to other screens and panels.
He scanned the room as he made his way toward the stage with the tallers he could compare to. Zim immediately made his presence known as he pushed through the crowd, but as the offended tallers realized Zim's impressive height, they retreated back behind him. He strode proudly through the crowd, now getting recognized by the mass. He heard his name fearfully whispered around him as they parted.
"Zim is here."
"How did he get in?"
"Who let Zim in?"
"He can't enter, can he?"
As he approached the stage, his respective smallers fell away from him. He matched the competition, easily earning his place on the stage.
But, of course, it would be the Control Brains who would decide who is Tallest. Such an important measurement cannot be made by any physical means. There are too many factors that could sway the decision, standing on your toes, stretching out your antennae, wearing height-altering bodysuits. There are too many ways to cheat, and the fate of Irk and all of its colonies relies on a precise measurement. That's why the Control Brains, themselves, read the basic data stated in your PAK and compare measurements by the nanometer.
But if that data is corrupted…
The room fell silent as the Brains above them began to hum. Their brilliant, blue light slowly brightened in their lenses. The enormous, metal spheres shifted and Zim stood in awe of the dazzling blue light as the room hummed.
The Brains shifted together again and lowered down to scan at the crowd with a sharp red light, the crowd cheered and shouted praises at the Brains. Zim closed his eyes as the their scanners passed over him.
"Welcome." The speakers placed all over the room exploded with sound. Thick, metal tendrils dripped down from the ceiling and coiled around the Brains. The crowds' cheers faded and were replaced with a quiet, growing hum. Everyone was vibrating their antennae to match the Brains. They lowered down to the stage and shifted over the crowd.
"Welcome to the Great Measuring. The rules are as follows. All eligible tallers have the right to participate. You shall only be measured once."
Once again, the Brains cast their red light over the crowd as they harmonized with their antennae.
"All will remove their shoes during The Great Measuring."
Zim bent to remove his boots, he heard shuffling all around him as everyone else scrambled to do the same. He stretched out his toe wedges and shifted on the cold ground.
"Pffft." He heard a taller behind him quietly huff. "That's stupid. Our PAKs don't even take the height of our shoes into account."
Suddenly, as if the Brains heard the taller, the room darkened with menacing, red light. They shifted directly over him, whipping and coiling one of their tendrils around the taller. He screamed as the tendril launched him straight upward, a hole in the ceiling of the dome opened in time for the taller to shoot through, then closed again. The lights returned to blue and the Control Brains moved over the stage again.
"The Great Measuring will now begin."
Strobe lights and lasers flashed in the room and the crowd erupted in a wild cheer. The lights cut, and the cheers died.
"The first entry will now be measured."
"Ah! Me me me!" Zim's antennae pricked up, hearing a nearby taller scramble through to the stage. She was too far away to tell if he was taller than her, but she was certainly taller than the group she was with. He could recognize her from this distance, however, a simple solider from his troop in the academy. She climbed up onto the stage and stood, proudly tall, before the Brains.
"Captain Dev." She stated her title, loudly and clearly, with hope in her bright, orange eyes.
"Welcome, Dev."
Dev bowed her head as the Control Brains shifted over her. A single, metal tendril fell down from the center brain and hovered over her. A dark, red light illuminated and passed over her, then recoiled.
"Captain Dev. You are:" A single measurement appeared on all three of the screens above the Brains. "5 feet, 6 inches tall."
She wiggled her antennae and stepped to the side of the stage as the height to beat.
"The next entry will now be measured."
"Get outta the way, smeetlings!" Another taller moved to the stage, with a proud sneer written all over his face. He strode up the stage steps and stood before the Brains with taut antennae and balled fists.
"Drill Sergeant Strak."
"Welcome, Strak."
The same tendril lowered down from the center brain and scanned Strak, who closed his eyes and tilted his chin up.
"Drill Sergeant Strak, you are:"
His impressive measurement appeared on their screens again.
"5 feet, 9 inches tall."
His antennae bobbed as he followed the metal tendril to the side of the stage. Captain Dev slunk away with her antennae down as he approached, expectantly.
"The next entry will now be measured."
This went on for some time as Zim watched, quietly. Strak was replaced with another taller, a few centimeters better than him, and another taller replaced her, and so on. Zim waited patiently, he would have his chance to step up to the stage, he was careful to save the best for last. As the ceremony went on fewer and fewer tallers were confident enough to contend as the final taller had marked an impressive six feet tall.
"The next entry will now be measured."
The crowd did not produce another heir, the taller in question stood proudly on the stage, seeming to already be planning the details of his reign in his mind. The time had come. Zim straightened his antennae and began walking forward. As he climbed the steps up to the stage he heard his name in the crowd again. He cast a glance at the taller, who had his antenna raised in question. Zim was shorter than him, but not by much, he was obviously confused as to why Zim bothered. The Control Brains shifted in unison, Zim bowed his head and wiggled his antennae.
"Food Service Drone Zim."
"Welcome, Z-Z-Zim." Their screens flickered at the mention of his name. Zim kept his head bowed as the Brain's tendril fell over him.
"STOP!"
Silence fell over the crowd, everyone turned toward the bright, open doorway of the building. Zim glared at the silhouette in the light and flattened his antennae.
"You." The figure spoke in a heave, still wounded from their last encounter. Zim smirked, both of his hands were bandaged, there was dark bruising on his neck, and he undoubtedly had to rely on his flotation device for the skewer wound in his leg. The crowd began to whisper amongst themselves and backed away as Red floated out of the doorway, raising a shaky finger at Zim.
"Defective." He hissed.
"All will remove their shoes during The Great Measuring." The Control Brains hummed, shifting themselves to examine Red.
"There's no need." Red met their gaze. "I am tallest. I am Tallest Red."
The Control Brains shifted above Red and passed their red light over him.
"Former Tallest Red will stand participant in The Great Measuring."
"Former Tallest?!?" Red shouted. He snapped his attention back to Zim, who leaned on stage with his arms crossed, smirking.
"You." Red hissed again, floating toward him. "He can't be here."
"Correction. All eligible tallers have the right to participate."
"He-." Red turned to the Control Brains with a dead stare. "-murdered Purple."
Gasps echoed from the surrounding crowd, Red turned his dark glare back on Zim and began pointing, wildly.
"He led the assault on The Massive! I saw him kill Tallest Purple with my own eyes!" Stammered shouts rose from the crowd as Red yelled. "This defective is a traitorous MURDERER!"
The cries and worried yells of the crowd grew until it shook Zim's antennae, but still he smiled.
"SILENCE." The Brains boomed, the noise died. "Unacceptable."
The Brains flickered and surrounded Red.
"All will remove their shoes during The Great Measuring."
Red's antennae fell. "But-."
"SHOOOES." The Brains flashed red and their metal tendrils coiled around Red, who quickly tore his shoes off.
"He-he murdered Purple! He's a traitor! He can't be Tallest!"
"All tallers have the right to participate. Thus stated in the codes."
"He's a SLORGAK." Red shouted. "He should be put to death!"
"Error." The Brains coiled back and flickered. "Improbable statement."
"IMPROBABLE???" Red bellowed. He turned back to Zim, who kept his smug composer. "Where is it?"
"Where is what, Red?" Zim cocked his head. Red's glare darkened as he floated toward the stage, not breaking eye contact with Zim. The surrounding tallers, as well as the former tallest on stage, backed away as Red seethed with silent rage, but Zim held his ground, mocking him with his feigned innocence.
"Where." He began, slowly. "Is that vile, fleshy, stupid, revolting, savage mate of yours, Zim?"
Zim didn't break his hard gaze as Red floated face to face with him. His antenna twitched as he took a deep breath, his eyes softened.
"I don't know who you're talking about."
"THE HUMAN!" Red exploded. "Zim has a HUMAN MATE."
"Produce evidence."
"YOU ALL SAW IT!" Red whipped on the crowd, darting his eyes from each face. The crowd whispered, but no one rose in protest. Red's breathing began to quicken as the crowd silently watched, he had no power here.
"All of you." He stammered. "You all…"
"SILENCE." The Brains boomed again, Red flinched back. "The Great Measuring has begun. You will deactivate your flotation device and be measured."
The Control Brains took their place back on the stage, Red's antennae fell.
"I-I can't."
The Control Brains flashed red again, their metal tendrils fell from the ceiling around Red. He looked back at the silent crowd and gulped. Slowly, he drifted down on the floor and leaned on his uninjured leg. The room's ominous hue faded back to blue as the tendrils disappeared again. Red looked to the side at Zim, who kept his head bowed in respect of the Control Brains.
"Step forward, Red."
Zim didn't look up at Red who stared for a moment before limping forward, directing his attention back to the Brains. He also bowed his head as a single tendril hovered above him and cast their red light over Red.
"Former Tallest Red. You are:" His measurement appeared on their screens. "6 feet, 6 inches tall."
The crowd hummed behind them as Red bowed lower and resumed his place beside Zim.
"What is this, Zim? What do you think you're trying to do?" Red hissed, quietly furious. "I'm obviously taller than you!"
"I remember the last time I stood before the Control Brains. Don't you, Red?" Zim smiled, still not meeting his gaze. Red narrowed his eyes, his antenna flicked as Zim stepped forward. He gazed up in awe of their calming blue light, bowed his head, and stood very still.
It seemed to take eons for the red light to pass over Zim, from the tips of his antennae down to his feet, as he held his breath. The Control Brains hummed, processing this information, and flickered in unison.
"Food Service Drone Zim. You are:"
The crowd gasped.