Holy shit. So, it's been years. Years. But thanks to some encouragement from some AMAZING readers in my DMs, I finally did it.
I wrote the final chapter of Mosaic. It's here and it's thicc. 4.5k words.
Enjoy everyone! :)
###
CHAPTER 28
"It's good to be home," Kurt whispered when the wheels finally bounced against the tarmac. "I love my family, but we've made our own home here, and I missed it."
Sebastian smiled softly and took Kurt's hand. "Yeah, we have. Too bad Berry is still part of that picture."
Kurt chuckled softly and rolled his eyes. "She's not all that bad. Who knows though; maybe one day we'll get an apartment all to ourselves."
During the rest of their trip home, all that Sebastian could think about was what Kurt had said. Having their own apartment. Dating was one thing. He had done plenty of that in high school. Well, at least dates with a promised after party.
But living together. Living on their own, together?
Reality hit him like a ton of bricks.
It could happen. They could do that.
For some reason, Sebastian realized something pivotal in the backseat of that dirty, germ infested taxicab. He was no longer fighting alone. Kurt wasn't going anywhere. Kurt wasn't going to wake up one morning and decide that Sebastian wasn't worth it. He was thinking of how they could live together, without a roommate. Just the two of them.
As soon as they got back to the apartment, and after Sebastian put his meager belongings away at Kurt's urging, Sebastian got on Kurt's laptop and surfed an online playlist.
Unlike Kurt, Sebastian didn't know every musical by heart. But he knew a song that he could sing that wasn't from a musical.
Sure enough, he was right. He listened to it about ten times before daring to show it to Kurt.
"What do you think?" he asked when Kurt's face was expressionless for too long.
Kurt's face broke into that heart stopping smile that made his whole body go slack. He was crying but he didn't look sad. "That you're going to make all those assholes who dared to give you dirty looks realize that they picked the wrong side. Sebastian, it's perfect. But are you going to be okay singing something like this?"
Bas bit his lip. "I don't know. But hey, it's like you used to say in high school, if you cry, maybe they'll just cry with you."
"Forget the rest of the audience," Kurt said. He wrapped his arms around Sebastian's shoulders from behind and rested his chin against his hair. "I'll cry with you."
"I know."
###
It had been a few weeks since they'd returned from Ohio and both Sebastian and Kurt were dressed in tuxedos that had cost more than a week's pay even though they were rentals and were only for one night.
"Are you nervous?" Sebastian asked as Kurt fixed his hair. Sebastian was pretty sure his hair didn't need fixing, but it seemed to calm Kurt, so he let him continue to rearrange the locks.
"Of course. This grade is essential and some students get expelled from the program for giving weak performances. I'm definitely nervous." Kurt paused to take a deep breath before returning to adjusting a stubborn tuff. "I'm sorry. I'm making you even more nervous, aren't I?"
"A bit. It's okay though."
Kurt took out a can of hairspray and covered Sebastian's eyes as he spritzed Bas' hair with an overly healthy amount. "Kurt, I'm not Blaine. I would prefer if my hair didn't have similar durability to concrete."
"Hush. It's honestly not that much. Besides, Blaine uses gel. It's way thicker and a lot heavier."
"If I get comments, I'm directing them all back at you."
Kurt smirked. "I'll be glad for all the compliments."
Kurt's phone lit up with yet another text from Rachel, and Sebastian's eyes flicked to the time. "Shit. We better get going or we're going to be late for warmups."
Kurt nodded and shoved hair spray and a comb into his satchel. Sebastian cocked an eyebrow. Kurt responded with a look of indignation. "You'll thank me when I save your sorry ass because the wind made you look like a cockatoo."
"I believe you. Now let's go, Princess. I refuse to be late to my academic funeral."
###
Warmups were ulcer inducing for everyone involved. Kurt and Sebastian showed up already nervous, just to watch people twitching, trembling, crying, and even vomiting from nerves. Not a positive environment before singing in front of all of your professors.
The moment vocal exercises ended, Kurt and Sebastian found an empty corner.
"You're going second, right?"
Kurt nodded. "It could be worse. Janet is going before me, and she's performing Ave Maria. If she doesn't get removed for that choice alone, I'll be shocked. Add on that she's currently regurgitating her lunch, and I've got this. You're last. Are you nervous about it?"
"Kind of," Sebastian said, rubbing the back of his neck. "They're going to be comparing me to everyone. I can't mess up."
"You're underestimating the emotion of your piece. It's going to make them regret everything about this year; from your professors not singling you out for your superb talent to your classmates failing to realize that you're a survivor."
He took Seb's shaky hands in his own. "Look at how far you've come. You survived and defeated demons most people can't imagine. You're on your own two feet, and not only passing at one of the most prestigious art schools in New York, but thriving. You have a job, an apartment-" Kurt tried to calm the blood rushing up to his face. "A boyfriend. As long as you let them see a glimpse of that tonight, just a sliver, there's no way they won't be as amazed by you as I am.
"I love you, Sebastian Smythe, you stupid little meerkat. And they're going to love you, too."
"Right back at you, Princess." Sebastian could feel his eyes watering. "You should give me pep talks more often. I kind of enjoy hearing you declare how truly amazing I am."
Kurt rolled his eyes and lightly shoved his shoulders. "You ruined it. You sound just like Sue."
"Who's Sue?"
"Let's go find our seats, and I'll tell you all about her."
###
The first vocalist had been exactly what Kurt predicted; a train wreck.
Her voice gave out after the first few notes due to nerves, but the judges would have stopped her soon after anyway. She was told to find a new piece to perform and contact her voice coach on whether the school would give her another chance.
Sebastian grimaced as he watched her walk out, her head held high despite the tears trickling down her chin. She reminded him a bit of Rachel in that moment. She wouldn't give up her dignity even though she had clearly been defeated. She refused to give up the one thing she had left.
"Kick her ass metaphorically, Princess," Sebastian whispered softly as Kurt adjusted his suit jacket that didn't need adjusting and pushed imaginary stray hairs into place.
"I'll try," he murmured back. He gave Sebastian one final smirk before the Kurt Sebastian knew morphed into a performer. His coyly playful smirk melted into the confident and serious smile of a future Broadway star preparing himself and the crowd.
Carmen Tibideaux folded her hands over her clipboard. As usual, her expression remained stern and stoic. Sebastian thought over his time at NYADA and could swear he had never seen her smile. "Kurt Hummel. Wow me."
Kurt offered a polite smile her way, adjusted his mic and glanced at the orchestra. He faced forward, his eyes glancing over Sebastian as the first piano chord struck ad rung out.
This is the moment,
This is the day,
When I send all my doubts and demons
On their way.
Sebastian could already feel shivers running down his spine. Kurt's voice was so fitting for the song, even Carmen had leaned forward. Even though it was barely noticeable, Sebastian was willing to bet his next paycheck on it. The whole room had silenced except for the music.
Every endeavor,
I have made - ever -
Is coming into play,
Is here and now - today!
Everyone was invested in the haunting melody and enthralling performance. Even back when the thought of Kurt brought homicidal tendencies to the front of Sebastian's mind, he had acknowledged the way Kurt acted on a stage. Every line was intimate and raw. Every moment natural yet deliberate. If Sebastian hadn't seen Kurt as a roadblock preventing him from winning Blaine, he probably would have found some way to get Kurt back to Dalton. The Warblers would have been undefeated with Kurt's acting, Sebastian's charm, and Blaine's voice.
Wow. His cockiness was back. Instead of feeling appalled by this sudden display, Sebastian found himself grinning.
This is the moment,
This is the time,
When the momentum and the moment
Are in rhyme!
Sebastian glanced around the room and wasn't shocked to see that most of the students were enraptured by his boyfriend's every move. If he hadn't heard and seen the entire thing a hundred times, he would be just like them.
Give me this moment -
This precious chance -
I'll gather up my past
And make some sense at last!
This is the moment,
When all I've done -
All the dreaming,
Scheming and screaming,
Become one!
Kurt smiled at him, his eyes dancing with wild delight. The song was going just how they'd hoped. Even Carmen had leaned back and was watching with carefully guarded amusement. Her mouth, usually thin and tightly pressed, had turned into a half crescent smirk.
This is the day -
See it sparkle and shine,
When all I've lived for
Becomes mine!
For all these years,
I've faced the world alone,
And now the time has come
To prove to them
I've made it on my own!
The crescendo in the song was approaching. This was the part where Kurt wouldn't just wow them, but hopelessly dazzle them. Sebastian felt a twinge of jealousy rise in his chest but squashed it the moment he realized what it was.
This is the moment -
My final test -
Destiny beckoned,
I never reckoned,
Second Best!
Kurt had chosen him. The fact that he had snagged someone so amazing..
I won't look down,
I must not fall!
This is the moment,
The sweetest moment of them all!
Carmen was definitely smiling. It was small, and hesitant, but without a doubt, it was a smile. Kurt had gotten the goddess of harsh words and harsher glares to smile.
This is the moment!
Damn all the odds!
This day, or never,
I'll sit forever
With the gods!
When I look back,
I will always recall,
Moment for moment,
This was the moment,
The greatest moment
Of them all!
Kurt's voice encased the whole auditorium. It made the instruments pale in comparison. It was the voice and the man behind it that people would gather from all corners of the world to hear.
Kurt was going to make it. And Sebastian was going to be there every step of the way.
###
Before Sebastian could prepare himself, emotionally and mentally, it was his turn. Carmen had removed half of their class during the recital, and his hand had grown sweaty and slick in Kurt's.
"You're going to amaze them." Kurt whispered. "Show them how amazing you are as a performing artist and I might just give you a special performance tonight. An exclusive one."
Sebastian smirked. If there was any language he was fluent in, it was that of sexual innuendo. "Better be worth it, Princess."
"Oh, it will be." Kurt smiled and squeezed his hand one final time. "Now get your perky, well-rounded ass up there and amaze me."
Carmen's voice rang out through the room, "Sebastian Smythe. Prove to me that last isn't the least."
Sebastian felt his mind going hazy as he looked out at all of his classmates. Some sent thumbs-up and encouraging smiles. Those who believed Danny's stories flipped him off and scowled.
Danny had taken so much from him. He had snatched away months of his life that Sebastian would never get back. He had done things to him that Sebastian would remember in the worst moments possible, and added a layer of complication to Sebastian's relationship with Kurt that made some weeks unbearable.
He wasn't going to let Danny take this, too.
Performing. Was. His.
The band began, and while nerves danced through Sebastian like drunken Mardi Gras parades, Sebastian channeled it into the song. Since words hadn't been his specialty lately, he was going to show the school the truth the way Kurt's old choir director had always told Kurt to; through song.
This is a story that I have never told
I gotta get this off my chest to let it go
I need to take back the light inside you stole
You're a criminal
And you steal like you're a pro
He felt everyone's attention like lasers. Perfect. They were paying attention. He would perform the beginning with his head down, just like he had practiced. He wouldn't look at them until later. He wanted them to feel as alone and isolated as he did. Wanted to give them just a taste of his feelings. Just enough to sting.
All the pain and the truth
I wear like a battle wound
So ashamed, so confused
I was broken and bruised
Kurt was already crying. He was different though; he had seen first-hand the damage Danny had caused.
But Kurt wasn't alone in getting emotional. Sebastian could tell he was pulling heartstrings. The song had been a good idea after all.
Now I'm a warrior
Now I've got thicker skin
I'm a warrior
I'm stronger than I've ever been
And my armor, is made of steel, you can't get in
I'm a warrior
And you can never hurt me again
Carmen was staring at him. He couldn't read her face, but she hadn't written anything down. Carmen always took notes during the first half of a song. Was he that bad? Was she going to stop him and kick him out of NYADA?
No, he thought. She's wowed. She's moved. Damn it, mental pep talk. Convince her.
Out of the ashes, I'm burning like a fire
You can save your apologies, you're nothing but a liar
I've got shame, I've got scars
That I will never show
I'm a survivor
In more ways than you know
Half the audience was crying. But they were all enthralled. Students were standing in the open doorways. One music student had her phone out to record.
He could feel anxiety seeping into his pores. Everyone looking at him. People he didn't know. People who knew him too well. People who knew what he was singing about too well.
This wasn't for them.
This wasn't for the asshole who did this to him.
This was for him.
Cause all the pain and the truth
I wear like a battle wound
So ashamed, so confused
I'm not broken or bruised
He tried to make eye contact with everyone. Each student who stood by him, opposed him, and even those he didn't know.
Even Carmen.
'Cause now I'm a warrior
Now I've got thicker skin
I'm a warrior
I'm stronger than I've ever been
And my armor, is made of steel, you can't get in
I'm a warrior
And you can never hurt me
He could feel his eyes beginning to glaze over.
Humiliation washed over him like a tsunami and for a second, he considered running off the stage and never doing this again. What had he been thinking? This was a horrible idea.
He was becoming too aware of everything; Carmen's steely gaze that hadn't cracked to take a single note, Kurt's blotched cheeks, all the people recording and watching from the hallway…
His heart stopped when he saw a familiar silhouette in the back of the crowd. Logically, he knew it couldn't be Danny. He wasn't allowed to be in the same building as Sebastian. He could feel his body shutting down anyway.
Sebastian let his eyes find Kurt. Instead of seeing the expected pity or sadness, Kurt's face read of defiance and pride. Kurt was proud of him for facing this.
He wasn't going to let that change.
There's a part of me I can't get back
A little boy grew up too fast
All it took was once, I'll never be the same
Now I'm taking back my life today
Nothing left that you can say
Cause you are never gonna take the blame anyway
Danny wasn't here. He wouldn't ever be again.
But Sebastian was. He was still here, and despite Danny's efforts, he wasn't going to be stuck in the rut of fear any longer.
Now I'm a warrior
I've got thicker skin
I'm a warrior
I'm stronger than I've ever been
And my armor, is made of steel, you can't get in
I'm a warrior
And you can never hurt me again
The band got quieter, baiting him to take over completely. He hadn't just gained the attention of the audience, but even his fellow performers. They hadn't practiced it this way.
No oh, yeah, yeah
The band dropped away completely, and Kurt smiled so broadly Sebastian struggled not to do the same.
You can never hurt me again
The audience erupted with applause. Kurt shamelessly tore out of his seat and pulled Sebastian into his arms painfully, holding him so tight Sebastian wasn't quite sure it wouldn't bruise.
"I am so proud of you. That was your best performance. Forget your best performance; that was the best performance I've seen from anyone in years. If this school cuts you, they're complete idiots."
Sebastian clutched him back. "Great. Because now I feel like shit, and I need to know it's worth it."
Kurt pulled away so he could kiss him. "It was worth it. And we can just hang around the apartment tonight. No Rachel."
"Mr. Smythe." Carmen's voice echoed with enough authority to slice through the noise and drag the attention back to herself. Maybe Sebastian's blurry vision was just playing tricks on him, but he could swear her eyes were glassy. "Congratulations. Despite the lack of vocal challenge in that song, your interpretation was outstanding. I'll be seeing you next semester."
"Thank you, Ms. Tibideaux."
She smiled sternly and left the room, her trail of fellow judges following closely behind her.
A swell of students rushed over him the moment the last music professor left the room. Kurt clung to his arm as students came and congratulated Sebastian, some even offering heartfelt apologies.
He tried to pay attention to their words, to drink in their praise and let it transform into fuel to replenish him. But he was too exhausted, physically and emotionally, to do more than smile, offer a "thanks" at the appropriate times, and nod in response to the handshakes and clapped shoulders.
After a few minutes, with his body heavily resting against Kurt's, Sebastian knew he needed to get out of there. He needed quiet. He needed easy and calm. He needed a night on the couch with Kurt.
Without even sending a pleading look, Kurt gently took his hand in his own and verbally warded off all well-wishers before they escaped. Kurt led him through an empty maze of hallways toward the back of the building until they were out in the crisp New York air. Even though the scents of cigarette smoke, car exhaust, and the sweet and sickeningly familiar smell of pot were present, the air still felt fresh and energizing compared to the stale, nervous air that had filled the theater.
"I know I already said it," Kurt started, looping his arm through Sebastian's as they walked toward the curb, "but that was amazing, Seb. It was so intimate and heart wrenching. The song alone… But then your interpretation… Even Carmen was getting emotional."
Sebastian cocked an eyebrow. "Are you sure? It looked like she was feeling something, but who knows, maybe it was just indigestion."
Kurt softly hit his arm before dropping his head against Sebastian's shoulder. "Don't do that. You know she was impressed. I never thought I would need to say this, but don't cheapen yourself, Bas. You were amazing. Astounding. All the good adjectives."
"Sexy?"
"I refuse to be bated by that, but yes, even sexy. Then again, maybe it's just the hair and the tux…"
Sebastian smiled. "Probably."
They stood there, arm in arm, until Kurt managed to hail a taxi.
The ride back was filled with over analyzing everyone else's performances. It was always easier to dissect someone else's work than their own, especially when Sebastian could feel himself crashing emotionally from his performance and Kurt still felt jittery over his own.
By the time they reached the apartment, Sebastian was leaning against Kurt as Kurt's fingers lazily trailed over his shoulder.
"How does a movie sound?" Kurt asked. "Or we can just go to bed if you're not up for it."
Sebastian yawned as Kurt paid the cabbie. "We can-" he yawned again- "watch a movie. You can pick."
Kurt tried not to laugh as they made their way up in the elevator and Sebastian almost took a nap standing up. He should have sympathized with Sebastian's exhaustion, but instead he wanted to laugh at his antics.
"Don't mock me, Princess, I'm emotionally fragile."
Kurt scoffed. "I didn't mock you."
"I can see it on your face."
"Whatever." The elevator opened and it took Kurt a few tries to get the key to turn. "Go get changed and meet me on the couch before you fall asleep."
Kurt was rewarded with Sebastian's single finger salute as he disappeared into their shared bedroom.
There was a note on the counter from Rachel. She was out with friends and would be crashing at someone's brownstone that night.
Kurt grinned to himself as he tossed the scrap of paper into the trash.
He and Bas had the apartment all to themselves.
Kurt bit back a laugh as Sebastian dove onto the couch, already donning his usual sweatshirt and oversized sweatpants. Sebastian pillowed his head on his arms and closed his eyes. "C'mon, Princess." Sebastian tried and failed to stifle a yawn. "I don't want to fall asleep before the opening credits."
Kurt changed out of his suit and returned to find Sebastian sitting up, his palms digging into his eyes.
"If you're that tired, you can just go to sleep, Bas." Kurt sat next to Sebastian and propped his feet on the ottoman.
"But I wanted to do this," Sebastian mumbled and lay on his head on Kurt's lap.
Kurt rolled his eyes and fingered Sebastian's hair. Maybe Bas was right. His hair did feel a little overly stiff now that Kurt was touching it. But he would never admit to it. "Fine, you pick."
Sebastian picked some slice of life contemporary about alcoholism and fell asleep ten minutes in. Great, now Kurt would be left to cry himself to sleep all on his own. Thanks Bas.
But Kurt wasn't mad at Sebastian, not really. Not when he thought about how this right here, Sebastian warm and soft against him, the gentle light of the TV making him look younger, was a preview for the rest of his life. Well, if Sebastian wanted that. Kurt did.
He would trade his time at NYADA, his New York City dreams of Broadway and starring roles, anything for more of this.
Because Sebastian Smythe, the prick from Dalton Academy Kurt had been all too eager to escape, had become a part of him, one of the most essential pieces. Kurt couldn't picture his life without him, even though a few short months ago, Kurt would have sold a kidney to never see Sebastian again.
Life was funny like that. Sometimes, the things you wanted the least ended up being the things you needed the most.
"Get some sleep," Kurt murmured, tugging a blanket down from the back of the couch and tossing it across Sebastian's shoulders. Bas nuzzled closer to Kurt's leg, his hair still frozen from all the hairspray.
Definitely overly generous with the hairspray then.
"I'll spend my whole life loving you, if you'll let me."
Sebastian rolled onto his back, sending Kurt jumping and almost smacking Sebastian in the chest. "Bas! You can't-"
Sebastian's eyes glowed green with mischief and something deeper, something almost like affection. "Just kiss me, Princess. Lecture me later."
Kurt did. His fingers finally loosening Bas's stubborn hair as Sebastian's hands found their way to Kurt's shoulders.
"I hate you, you smirky little meerkat," Kurt whispered between kisses, his words little more than air against Sebastian's flushed mouth. "Seriously. I do."
"That's what you always say. I'm starting to doubt it's true."
"Why?" Kurt pulled back just long enough to see Sebastian's eyes were a glassy. "Why would you doubt my hatred?"
"Because you let me pick the movie."
And it was true. Kurt hated letting other people pick the movie.
Sebastian was special, indeed.
###
Six years, 90k words, and a full degree later, I finished Mosaic.
Seriously. Thank you to anyone and everyone who read this, reviewed it, and especially the people who DMed me during my hiatus to remind me that this story was unfinished and I should get off my lazy ass and finish it. You guys are rockstars and the real reason this piece got completed.
I love every single one of you and wish you all the best,
~Ann