"Daddy, what else can I do for Mom?"

Goku turned from his painting, eyeing his son. Despite his best efforts, Gohan had refused to talk anymore on either the Super Saiyan 2 form or on the prospect of a brother instead of a sister. He'd all but shut down completely when you brought it up. Goku knew that was abnormal and he knew his son needed to process whatever was scaring him so badly about it but the boy refused to crack.

Technically, he supposed he could have searched his mind, like he did with Krillin on Namek. However, that was not only draining but invading. If he wanted his son to be open and honest with him then doing something like that would absolutely ravage any chance.

So, he would just need to keep trying in whatever ways he could. Any time Gohan showed enthusiasm over his mother's pregnancy and the coming baby, he was quick to encourage it. So, with green paint smearing his face, Goku grinned at his son.

"I think your mom is gonna be plenty happy to have the house done, Gohan."

Kicking at the ground, Gohan agreed with a nod. "I know but I wanted to have something for her when she came home. Nothing big but just...something. Cause you know Bulma is gonna spoil her."

Goku rubbed the back of his head with a laugh. "Oh, I know she will. Bulma wants to plan the Shower Party. Your mom said she wanted to surprise us at the party and Bulma was her partner in crime."

Gohan had to admit that a small nugget of anxiety settled in his stomach at that. What kind of surprise? Wasn't having a baby enough of a surprise?

"She doesn't have two in there, does she?" Gohan's tone was reluctant.

Goku laughed out loud. "Nope. Just one. Don't blame you for asking though. Your mom ain't told me much but I'm bettin' she's gonna tell us if you're getting a brother or a sister."

If that was meant to help, it didn't. So many things ran through Gohan's head. If it was a boy...if it was a boy...

Breathing felt hard, like he was in a thick mist and someone was pressing on his chest. He could hear his father, calling to him, but it felt far away. Like over miles and miles of space. Yet he knew he was close.

If it's a boy, you know what that means for you.

Gohan winced, visibly and emotionally. That self depreciating voice that had become more and more quiet the more he'd spoken with his parents was talking again and it was louder than ever. He'd never told them about it but after Daddy started talking with him about feelings and being honest and stuff, he'd looked it up himself. Guess it wasn't unusual for some people to have self-depreciating thoughts and that damn voice was his.

He'd almost forgotten about it and now here it was again, louder than ever. If he thought it would make a difference, he'd have cursed it out.

You know what'll happen if it's a boy. You know what that will mean for YOU.

No, shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I can't trust anything you say!

Isn't that rich? Aren't I you? Who can you trust if not yourself?

Not you! You're...you're a part of me that lies and says things that aren't true.

Then why are you so afraid of it?

Afraid...yes, he was afraid. So desperately afraid. Afraid it was right, afraid it would be proved right, afraid to face that fact and...

Hot. It was hot. And breathing wasn't getting any easier. Strained, like it wasn't coming fast enough, like no matter what he did, there simply wasn't enough air and it was getting hard to focus. Like when he'd been slammed into the ground by Freeza and thought his skull was going to crack. Like that only on his chest. His heart felt fast, like he was in a battle but he wasn't and—

Air! Air! He needed air! Why couldn't he breathe? Why wouldn't that vice shut up and...and...air, just let him breathe!

Smell.

A smell that was hard to place at first but then he recognized it. That was the wild wind, sweat and pollen smell of his father. With a slight acidic scent of paint.

"In with me." It was soft, relaxed and Gohan felt his father pull on his hand—sweaty as it was—and lay it on his father's belly.

"In and out with me, son."

Gohan's fingers tingled as his father's stomach expanded out with an inhale and he struggled to mimic it. His father's fingers tapped on his nose.

"In through here. Out through here." His fingers tapped the boy's lips. "Just focus on that."

Gohan tried. Breathing through his nose, he tried to just feel that and just hear his father.

"Taste it. Hold it."

Taste it? Well, yeah, anything you took into your mouth had a taste no matter how small and Gohan had Saiyan senses. There was a slight hint of orange to it—must have come from the nearby groves.

"And out with me."

Open the lips, let it slip out. It was rather mechanical but it was sufficient. He was getting air and the toughness of his father's tattered shirt under his skin helped to.

In.

Hold.

Taste.

Focus.

Out.

In.

Hold.

Taste.

Focus.

Out.

Gohan counted five more cycles before he felt comfortable enough to pull away and look up at his father.

Nothing but concern greeted him. "Are you okay, son?"

No. No,he wasn't. He should be. By all accounts he should be but he wasn't. But to say why and to realize it was true...he couldn't do that. He couldn't do anything right now. If he told his father, he'd just...well, the prospect of having those thoughts confirmed just terrified him. He tried to focus on all the times they'd talked before and how no, no, what he feared would never come to pass—

Murderer

Gohan broke down into tears, big fat ones that ran down his face and his voice cracked and broke and the more he sobbed, the more he tried to stop sobbing and the harder they came.

At some point, Goku picked him up and he found refuge in his father's shoulder but no other words left his mouth.

OOO

"I don't think we should make it a big fiasco."

ChiChi turned from her position by the stove and eyed her husband. He'd been seated at the table since she came home and she'd asked where Gohan was so she could thank him for the new rooms, Goku'd told her to let him sleep.

"What do you mean?" Wiping her hands on a towel, she approached, resting her hands on the table. "I thought you said a party to celebrate the baby AND Gohan would be a good thing."

"Is it a boy, ChiChi?"

The human woman scoffed. "I don't know—"

"ChiChi, this is important, is it a boy?!"

Ooo, there was a sharpness today that voice she was unaccustomed to. Her voice sank slightly. "I gave the results to Bulma. She wanted to make it into a cake or something for the party so we'd ALL be surprised." Her eyes fell. "I thought it was a sweet offer."

"If it's a boy, you and I need to tell Gohan. He doesn't need to find out surrounded by people."

ChiChi frowned. "Is he still..."

"It's something deeper, Chi. I dunno what it is and your stubborn son won't tell me. But if it's a boy, we're gonna need to work with Gohan, help him process it." Leaning back, he sighed. "Maybe it is a girl and we won't have to worry about it."

Sitting down in a chair, ChiChi shook her head. "I don't know for sure. It feels like a boy, for what that's worth. I didn't wanna know so I could be surprised." Her face fell considerably. "But I can ask Bulma. But shouldn't we still celebrate?"

Goku gave her a smile, took hold of her hands. "'Course we will. I still think havin' a party is good—'pecially if we're celebrating Gohan too!" He eyed her. "And if you wanna be surprised, Bulma can just tell me. I just think if it's a boy, I needa prep Gohan for it."

"Well, that party is for Gohan too! He's going to be the big brother. That's worth celebratin' as much as the baby is!" Her eyes softened and age tightened her grip on Goku's hands. "Goku...is it...do you think it'll be that bad a reaction if Gohan finds out its a boy?"

Pulling away, Goku put his hands to his face, rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I've been tryin' to wrestle the reason from him all weekend. I don't know much more except he's afraid. Like, really, really scared." Goku's face looked decades older. "And he won't...or feels like he can't tell me. My little man can't tell me."

The two parents were silent for a long time.

ChiChi swallowed and stood. "Why don't we talk to Bulma? I...I really would like to be surprised but if Gohan needs us to—"

Standing, Goku put his hands on her shoulders. "If it's important to you to be surprised at the party, then we'll make sure you are. I'll talk to Bulma. Then I'll talk to Gohan before we do the party, okay?"

ChiChi glanced over her shoulder and Goku wrapped his arms around her. "Goku, I want him to be happy and I KNOW he'll be such a good big brother." She laid her hands on her stomach, which had slowly begun to grow. "Be patient with him, little one. But you're so lucky you'll get him for a brother."

Goku held her tight for a while.